Anorak

Celebrities | Anorak

Celebrities Category

Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.

On Daily Mail migrants from Barcelona and Andrew Sachs

In its front-page farewell to Andrew Sachs, known chiefly for his work as Manuel, the well-intentioned and hapless Spanish waiter in Fawlty Towers, the Mail juxtaposes the actor’s portrait by the news “MIGRANT NUMBERS HIT NEW RECORDS”.

 

andrew sachs daily mail

 

The Mail fails to say how many migrants hail from Barcelona.

PS: Andrew Sachs was born in Berlin in 1930.

Posted: 2nd, December 2016 | In: Celebrities, News, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Peter Andre introduces his new baby boy – a six-footer from Bicester

baby-boy-peter-andre-emilyPop acorn Peter Andre smiles from the cover of OK! magazine. Above him hangs the legend: “IT’S A BABY BOY.” You might think Pete and wife Emily’s newborn child would need no clarification that he was a baby. Had Emily given birth to a teenager, say, or an OAP, it would be remarkable.

But you’d be mistaken. Emily tells us that “baby boy” is the full title because, “The nurse told us that this baby is super tall already – we could have a six-footer!”

Get knitting, grandma!

Of course, Pete is nothing if is not precise and tweets to his followers that he is “rocking”, and maybe even cradling, cuddling and snuggling.

Peter and OK! then combine to offer their thanks (prices on application) to Musgrove Park Hospital in Taunton, Somerset, for hosting the birth, Storksak for designing Pete’s “dad bag” for overnight stays, Exeter’s Mamhead House, where Pete and Emily married in 2015, and Braxton Hicks for the contractions.

We then learn that the nickname for Pete’s daughter Princess is ‘Bister’, which given the product placement in the article we took to be spelled Bicester in honour of the designer shopping outlet in Oxford.

No firm word on the latest baby’s name yet, but Pete says he favours “traditional English names”, like James, Arthur, Oscar, (TK)  Max, George (at Asda), John Lewis…

Posted: 1st, December 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


I’m A Celebrity: Ola Jordan in tabloid sex toy pregnancy shocker

The Daily Star has news on Ola Jordan, the former Strictly Come Dancing hoofer now being portrayed as a sex goddess, as her her contract with high-street seller of martial aides. On its front page the Star tells readers “randy dance babe” Ola “leapt straight into bed” with her husband “minutes” after getting voted off I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.

 

 I'm a celebrity ola-jordan-sex

 

Like most of you, we thought pot-eviction the celeb were duty bound to chat with Ant and Dec. Maybe it was foursome? As we wonder what foe son just off camera, over pages 4 and 5 we see Ola and hear her reveals all about the sex – “He did get a kiss and a cuddle.”

But that’s not all. The Star has how it”exclusively revealed that Ola was set to become a mum after her jungle stint and last night the star confirmed the news.”

Wow! She went into the jungle knowing she was pregnant? Er, no. Says Ola: “Yes I would like to be a mum one day.” Best give those “sex toys” a rest, love. They don’t come pre-loaded.

 

ola-jordan-sex-aides I'm a celebrity

 

 

Posted: 30th, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Arsenal star and Little Mix singer’s secret dates at The Emirates

The Sun has news that Perrie Edwards, a singer with X-Factor products Little Mix, has been on “dates” with Arsenal footballer Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain. Apparently, she watched Arsenal play Spurs from Alex’s “personal box at the Emirates’ Stadium”. Perrie sat in the wingback seats at the Emirates library after browsing the club shop.

We then learn that Perrie is “keen to keep the relationship quiet”.  An unnamed source hammers this point hime by opining in the national tabloid: “They don’t follow each other on social media as they know a connection might give the game away.”

Better to sit in the player’s own box amid 60,000 other souls at a televised football match to keep it on the hush-hush.

PS: This is how the Sun followed up its scoop:

 

Oxlade-Chamberlain Perrie Edwards

 

Rose Hill writes:

LITTLE Mix’s Perrie Edwards showed that she was fully over her ex Luke Pasqualino – by wearing her new man’s team colours as she hit the stage in Italy.

Here’s the replica Arsenal strip Perrie wore:

Oxlade-Chamberlain Perrie Edwards

 

Arsenal play in red and white. Edwards is wearing red and black.

Such are the facts.

Posted: 25th, November 2016 | In: Arsenal, Celebrities, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Kanye West: linking poor mental health to violence is dangerous

Kanye West is “troubled”. So says the Daily Mirror’s front page. West, aka Mr Kim Kardashian, has been “taken to hospital in cuffs for safety”. He is “reportedly on suicide watch…after suffering a psychotic breakdown”.

Police reports are cited. West’s doctor Michael Farzam “placed the rapper in a ‘5150 psychiatric hold'”. A what? Hollywood Life explains:

The California Welfare and Institutions Code has a Section 5150, which authorizes a physician or qualified officer to involuntarily confine (in Kanye’s case, hospitalize) an individual who is thought to have a mental disorder that renders them a danger to him or herself or others.

 

TMZ says West is undergoing  “psychiatric evaluation”. People says he’s in the hospital for “sleep deprivation”.

Sad, indeed, that what looks like a personal crisis should be front-page news. Mental health is not something to treat lightly. Which brings us to the Sun, which thunders on its cover: “PSYCHOTIC KANYE IN ‘ASSAULT’.”

Over pages 8 and 9 we read of Kanye West apparent “nervous breakdown”. He is “OUT OF CONTROL”. There are claims he attacked a staff member in a gym. Kanye was taken to hospital “for his own health and safety”.

Having linked failing mental health with alleged acts of violence, we get to the speculation. “Friends of Kim” claimed the strain of their marriage may have led to his breakdown”. These “friends” says Kim and Kanye have been “bickering constantly”.  Maybe having pals like that drove him over the edge?

Of course, what all papers mean to say is that mental health is no joking matter. We wish Kanye West well.

Posted: 23rd, November 2016 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


I’m A Celebrity threesome shocker: Scarlett Moffatt has Ant’s in her pants

Can you trust front-page headlines? The Daily Star’s cover story is that Ant and Dec have been in a “threesome” with “Jungle Scarlett”. Life moves pretty fast for Ant and Dec, the TV duo who just yesterday were triggering a “race storm” with “sensitive” Australians. Todays it’s a threesome with Scarlett, whose full name and title is “camp President Scarlett Moffat”.

 

Scarlett Moffatt threesome I'm A Celebrity

 

Over two pages of I’m A Celebrity news, readers scan for sign of the threesome. And in the small print on page 5, we find it. Scarlett Moffat, “star” of TV’s Gogglebox “reckons she should team up with Ant and Dec as a Geordie trio”. For sex, right? For a threesome?

 

Scarlett Moffatt threesome I'm A Celebrity

 

No. Scarlett made her views known not in the I’m A Celebrity jungle, rather in a book, in which she opined: “Imagine handing out with those boys all days and having a laugh.”

Yeah, just imagine that. Although if you’re a Daily Star reader, you’re most likely blown 30p imagining so much more.

 

Posted: 22nd, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


I’m A Celebrity offends ‘Sensitive Australians’ and other crawling creatures

Hats off to the Daily Star for one of the most absurd and joyous front pages. The paper brings news that Ant and Dec are in a “RACE STORM.

Ant and Dec are the faces of ITV’s I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, a show that’s been running so long the local wildlife has unionised.

The story is that Ant and Dec have insulted “sensitive Australians” by calling them “uncouth layabouts who rarely wash. The paper’s bit about the Poms’ joke upsetting “sensitive” Aussies is brilliant.

Years and years of storied abuse between the English and the Australians and the Star sets new standards. No longer rugged and tough, Aussies are “sensitive”.

It’s all very touchy feely Down Under.

 

 

Posted: 21st, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, News, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Meghan Markle and Jamie Vardy in ridiculous tabloid plot

Meghan Markle is to play Jamie Vardy’s wife in a film. Well, so says the Daily Star. And who better than Prince Harry’s latest flame to pump the air as her man scores for Leicester City.

In scene 1, the actress is speaking to the News of the World. It’s 2001. “He had great muscles and I thought he’d be a great lover,” she says. “He was the worst lover I have ever had. He didn’t even attempt to satisfy me.” Whoah. Stop nodding Chelsy Davy. Meghan is reading the script from Rebekah Vardy’s insight into her time with sentimental pop acorn Peter Andre.

 

Meghan Markle Vardy

 

 

Of course it’s utter tosh. Markle has not been given the role. The Star only “reckons” Meghan would make a good Rebekah. After all both are dark hairs divorcees with a random ‘h’ in their names.

 

meghan markle Vardy

 

But being light on facts fails to stop the story gaining momentum. “Prince Harry’s girl Meghan Markle will play Jamie Vardy’s wife in new movie,” thunders the Mirror.  “Meghan Markle being lined up to play Jamie Vardy’s wife in Hollywood flick,” cries the Sun.

The Mirror nails how Hollywood casting work when it says, “with Meghan being 35-years-old, she’s just one year older thank Rebekah so would be well suited to playing the Leicester City hero’s missus.” The Sun’s story is based on the Mirror’s story, which is based on the Star’s story – which is based on not a single attributable quote or fact.

Rebekah Vardy is 34.

 

Posted: 15th, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, News, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Karen Danczuk pulls a leg of pork

The Sun spots Karen Danczuk kissing her new flame, David, 26. Karen, once billed as the ‘selfie Queen’ in all media and estranged from Labour MP Simon Danczuk, is spotted by Rochdale’s busy paparazzi stood by a doorway with her new “Spanish waiter lover”.

The Sun says David has “started moving his things in” to Karen’s place. What things the Sun enlarged on. Readers are told, Karen “helped her new man carry in chairs, boxes, suitcases and a leg of pork“.

Who says romance is dead?

 

 

 

 

 

Posted: 14th, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, News, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Meghan Markle: the exclusive death threats that have nothing to do with Prince Harry

Meghan Markle might no longer be in the UK, but Prince Harry Baseball-Cap’s “girl” is all over the Mail’s front page.

 

Daily Mail Meghan harry

 

It is an “exclusive encounter” with Meghan Markle.

Scoop or what?

It’s only been a few days since Harry was complaining about the Press treating the celebrity Prince like a celebrity and abusing his lover. He is upset by “reporters and photographers trying to gain illegal entry to Meghan’s home”. Should we feel sympathy for Meghan? It’s “preposterous to claim that the publicity-hungry Ms Markle is a hapless victim,” said Sarah Vine in the Mail

Now Meghan’s talking to the Mail!

No. She isn’t. She spoke with Piers Morgan in June “months before the world learned about her Royal relationship”.

Words about Harry in this front-page exclusive? None.

So if not Prince Harry, what did she talk about?

Meghan revealed some more obscure secrets about herself – such as the fact that she is a trained calligrapher who wrote the invitation cards and envelopes for pop singer Robin Thicke’s 2005 wedding.

Is that like the secret she revealed in 2014, when she told Fashion:

“I could either wait tables or use a skill I had that I could do on my own time,” she says. Markle’s calligraphy led to her addressing envelopes for Robin Thicke and Paula Patton’s wedding and writing Dolce & Gabbana’s holiday correspondence.

And the death threats? The Mail reports:

…she was bombarded with hate messages when her character in the US drama series Suits, Rachel Zane, cheated on her boyfriend in the show.  She said: ‘People wanted to kill me! Not Rachel… ME. I never knew there were so many emojis with guns and knives. It was very unpleasant. Fortunately, Rachel got back on her pedestal and it stopped.’

“Prince Harry’s girlfriend Meghan Markle’s terrifying death threats,” screams the Daily Mirror. But those threats were nothing to do with her dating Prince Harry.

Elsewhere in today’s Mail, you can read:

The Mail exclusively revealed images of Meghan this week out in Kensington, near Harry’s home at Kensington Palace.

Time to once again revisit the pledge made by the Mail on 8 September 1997, eight days after the death of Princess Diana:

“The proprietor of the Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday and Evening Standard announced last night that his papers will not in future purchase pictures taken by paparazzi

“Viscount Rothermere, chairman of the Daily Mail and General Trust plc said: ‘I am, and always have been, an admirer of Diana, Princess of Wales, and nagged my editors to protect her so far as they could against her powerful enemies. In view of Earl Spencer’s strong words and my own sense of outrage, I have instructed my editors no ‘paparazzi’ pictures are to be purchased without my knowledge and consent.'”

Meghan is now back in her native Canada.

Best of luck to her.

Posted: 13th, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


It took an egregious police raid to get Cliff Richard back on the BBC

It’s been a while since Sir Cliff Richard featured on the BBC. Last night Sir Cliff was on The One Show, BBC One’s early evening magazine program. Cliff wasn’t there to asks the BBC why it chose to broadcast live a police raid on his home in 2014, something he’s suing them for. He was there to promote his new album, Just…Fabulous Rock ‘n’ Roll.

The police used Cliff Richard to repair the damage Of Jimmy Savile and Hillsborough.

Anyone wonder why Sir Cliff is now back on the Beeb?

You might recall how in 2008, Sir Cliff opined in the Express: “When I hear myself on the radio I pretty much phone a friend and send a bottle of champagne round. I’m so excited to get one play.”

Why was Sir Cliff so amazed to be played? Well, it could be linked to Chris Evans (now a DJ on BBC Radio 2). The Mail noted:

In the same year, Radio 1 DJ Chris Evans announced he would not be playing the singer’s records on his breakfast show and even went as far as to smash up his discs on air.
In 2004, Tony Blackburn was suspended from his show on Classic Gold for defying an order not to play Sir Cliff’s tracks.

In 2011, Absolute Radio ’60s banned Cliff’s tunes. DJ Pete Mitchell claimed: “Timeless acts of the decade that remain relevant today are the Beatles, the Stones, the Doors and the Who, not Sir Cliff.”

Once naff, now prime-time, Sir Cliff endures.

The BBC sweats.

 

Posted: 11th, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Grab Her By The Pussy: Donald Trump inspires tabloid sex crimes and porn

It’s Day 1 in the World According to Donald Trump and already his fellow reality TV stars are feeling the aftershock. President Trump’s catchphrase – “Grab her by the pussy” – is all over the Daily Star.

 

grab her by the pussy donald trump

 

“Cami  Lee sexually assaulted: Big Brother star molested as boyfriend slept beside her,” says the paper.

Like most of you, we too have no idea who Cami Lee is. Helpfully, she recognises this and introduces herself.

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Cami Li, reporting live from Las Vegas. Think tatts, boobs, and more opinions than Katie Hopkins and Piers Morgan put together.

Are her boobs larger than Morgan’s? Dunno. Is she tattier than Hopkins? Not sure? Is she cheaper to have write for your organ than both of them? Says Cami:

So, what could I possibly have to talk about? Well, a f*** load of s***.

If Cami is cheaper that Hopkins and Morgan, and paid by the word, swearing just cost her a couple of quid. She then goes into flashback mode. It’s a deeply unpleasant story.

I, for one, became more passionate about politics after these five (now infamous words) were splashed across the world, “grab her by the p****”.

Cami is in bed. A man is in her room. He is making unwelcome advances.

The freak of nature slips his hands under my jeans, caresses my butt, then tries to make his way to the motherland. He attempts to slide one finger, and for once, I am thankful I ate too much and am bloated with wine, as my jeans are too tight, with little room to move around.

Once he realises he wouldn’t get away with his perversion without waking me up, he retreats. While the ordeal may’ve lasted a few minutes, it has scarred me for an eternity.

After this alleged assault, Cami relates a bout of violence with the middle-aged “beast”. “My boyfriend punched him, knocked him to ground, then the door was slammed repeatedly,” she writes. “Open, close, open, close, open, close.” Next days the man seeks medical help for a broken eye-socket

Cami says she old the authorities but a lack of funds meant she was unable to pursue the matter further. “At that time in my life, I wasn’t financially able to retain a lawyer and fight this rich couple, so I had to hang my head in defeat and walk away,” she writes.

Cami concludes her tale:

Take a step back, look in the mirror, male or female, we’re the change the world needs to see. Women’s rights are human rights. There are too many Donald Trumps in this world.

In other unrelated news, we read that back in April, Daily Star owner Richard Desmond “cut his last remaining ties to the pornography industry, selling adult entertainment channels including Television X, Viewers’ Wives and Red Hot.”

Good for him. Those channels have not alway shown the good stuff.

The Guardian reported:

A viewer of adult subscription channel Television X had complained after a baby’s legs were caught on camera for a few seconds in the background of a scene in which three women were simulating lesbian sex. The baby could also be heard out of shot, gurgling and crying, later in the scene, which was filmed in a bedroom for Television X’s Viewers’ Tapes programme.

The channel apologised.

This week you can watch on Channel X:

Sexual Predator: “Jay Romer came for the thrill of the hunt… to f*** his female prey. In his sexual underworld there are no rules, just his desire to ravage beautiful women… Through the urban London jungle Jason poses as a photographer to bang Michelle B. he acts as a barman to plough into Elizabeth Michelle Lawrence… He buries his thick **** into Evie’s tight hole while still looking for his next victim!

Looks like women were victims before Trump came along.

Posted: 10th, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, News, Politicians, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Meghan Markle: sex, a ginger Royal line gets crossed and Prince Harry’s moan

Prince Harry is dating American actress Meghan Markle. And he’s unhappy with the media. The celebrity Royal doesn’t much like journalists behaving like, well, journalists. Kensington Palace say the Press have subjected Markle to a “wave of abuse and harassment”. It says “the past week has seen a line crossed”.

The BBC notes: “In recent days a number of newspapers have carried front page stories about the 35-year-old actress, best known for playing Rachel Zane in the TV drama Suits.”

Tsk! Those pesky tabloids, eh. Nothing like the BBC, which punctuates that news with a link to “Who is Meghan Markle?” The Times has more with “Everything you (secretly) wanted to know about Prince Harry’s ‘friend’”.

The Beeb’s bio tells us Megan has really good handwriting, was married and is now divorced, and is mixed race.

The Daily Telegraph wonders, “Could Harry marry a divorcee (when Margaret couldn’t)?”.

In the Times Hilary Rose reviews Markle’s acting role in Suits (something the Sun likens to porn – see picture below): “The show seems mainly to consist of pretty people saying inane things with the utmost gravity which, when you think about it, is pretty much what the royal family do.”

Yes, but with more guns.

The prince’s communications secretary warns (and is that very much like a celebrity to talk through ‘my people’):

“His girlfriend, Meghan Markle, has been subject to a wave of abuse and harassment. Some of this has been very public – the smear on the front page of a national newspaper; the racial undertones of comment pieces; and the outright sexism and racism of social media trolls and web article comments.

“Some of it has been hidden from the public – the nightly legal battles to keep defamatory stories out of papers; her mother having to struggle past photographers in order to get to her front door; the attempts of reporters and photographers to gain illegal entry to her home and the calls to police that followed; the substantial bribes offered by papers to her ex-boyfriend; the bombardment of nearly every friend, co-worker, and loved one in her life.”

 

Megan Markle tabloids the sun

 

The Guardian fingers the Sun:

Sun’s ‘smear’ about actor’s links to adult website prompts statement in which royal attacks reports’ ‘racial undertones’

Nothing like the Guardian, then, which reported:

Who she? She’s an actor, very beautiful, 35 years old. You might know her as Rachel Zane from the legal drama Suits.

I don’t. Never mind. She’s also … how can I put this?

As long as she’s not a divorced American. The royal family has had enough of them after that Wallis Simpson business. Actually, that’s exactly what she is. But I was thinking of something else.

Harry’s not going to be king, so maybe it will be OK as long as she behaves herself and offers up her body as a vessel for the royal bloodline. That’s the thing. Markle is dual-heritage. Her father is white and her mother is African American.

So? Look, most of the 20th century was a mistake and we want racial superiority back. We had a referendum about it, remember?

After the Guardian has looked down on the tabloids and smeared pro-Brexit voters as bigots (plus ca change), we hear more from Harry’s “cry from the heart” (BBC):

“He knows commentators will say this is ‘the price she has to pay’ and that ‘this is all part of the game’. He strongly disagrees. This is not a game – it is her life and his. He has asked for this statement to be issued in the hopes that those in the press who have been driving this story can pause and reflect before any further damage is done. He knows that it is unusual to issue a statement like this, but hopes that fair-minded people will understand why he has felt it necessary to speak publicly.”

 

Meghan Markle sex

 

The Guardian then fingers the Mail:

One comment piece in last weekend’s Mail on Sunday, by Rachel Johnson, said: “Genetically, she is blessed. If there is issue from her alleged union with Prince Harry, the Windsors will thicken their watery, thin blue blood and Spencer pale skin and ginger hair with some rich and exotic DNA.”

That’s racist? No. Of course it isn’t. Unless you think it nasty to mention Harry’s watery blood and accuse Johnson of gingerism?

The Guardian is in an absurd position. It wants to protect royal Harry from those awful tabloids, but has told its readers “Forelock-tugging is all the rage thanks to Harry and Kate” and that Princess Kate is trapped in a “cliched gilded cage”.

that;s the problem, isn’t it: Harry doesn’t behave like a Royal. He, Kate and Wills behave like celebrities. They don’t patronise; they endorse.

Harry and his PR team continue:

“Since he was young, Prince Harry has been very aware of the warmth that has been extended to him by members of the public. He feels lucky to have so many people supporting him and knows what a fortunate and privileged life he leads. He is also aware that there is significant curiosity about his private life.

“He has never been comfortable with this, but he has tried to develop a thick skin about the level of media interest that comes with it. He has rarely taken formal action on the very regular publication of fictional stories that are written about him and he has worked hard to develop a professional relationship with the media, focused on his work and the issues he cares about.

“But the past week has seen a line crossed.”

A red line? Or is it a ginger line that’s being crossed?

 

Posted: 8th, November 2016 | In: Celebrities, News, Royal Family | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Wonder Woman is your new UN women’s champion

Wonder Woman has been awarded the role of honorary UN ambassador, promoting women’s empowerment and preventing domestic violence through, smiling and bullet-repelling bracelets.

Wonder Woman promises to nail, punch in the throat and re-educate 2D women-haters the world over.

 

wonder woman UN

 

 

Says one real woman: “KAPOW!”

Posted: 14th, October 2016 | In: Celebrities, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Douglas Fairbanks Jnr makes Fettuccini for Four: Nobs & Nosh – Eating with the Beautiful People

Douglas Fairbanks Jnr. shares his Fettuccini for Four:

 

In 1975 Allan Warren published Nobs & Nosh – Eating with the Beautiful People featuring his photographs of stars, VIPS and toffs accompanied with recipes and their thoughts on food.

Douglas Fairbanks Jnr. shares his Fettuccini for Four:

Cook the fettuccini until aldente – not soft – and then drain well.

Add: 1 cup of thick cream, 3 tablespoons of butter, 3/4 cup of Parmesan cheese.

Mix carefully and slowly, so as not to break the fettuccini. Serve immediately.

The book is fabulous. Read it all on Flashbak.

Posted: 11th, October 2016 | In: Books, Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


West Ham United had no ‘culture’ before they moved into the soulless Olympic Park

Having to deal with life in the rented atmosphere-phobic Olympic Stadium, West Ham United fans can now consider the tactful words of their celebrity vice-chairwoman and Arsenal fan Karren Brady.

Addressing the Leaders 16 awards (an AGM for people involved in sport-related business), Brady assured the fans that the move to the Olympic Stadium was a great chance to “rebrand” the club.

West Ham fans will surely rejoice that their club is now a ‘brand’ managed by the marketing department. Times writer Owen Gibson says Brady followed that by saying West Ham had “no culture” before current owners Davids Gold and Sullivan took over in 201o:

 

Bagsy that copy of the Guardian when’ve done with it, Bonza.

Note: The Guardian has more:

The vice-chair said that when Gold and Sullivan bought the club it was necessary to reduce their debt and overhaul “their culture”.

“There were two interesting things about it. One, it had £100m worth of debt. Two, it had no what I would call culture. At football clubs we don’t make anything, we don’t manufacture anything, we don’t really produce anything other than more players,” she told the Leaders Sports Business Summit. “So getting the culture right, being a place where something is expected of you, having discipline, planning and process and strategy. That wasn’t there.”

Like the culture of adding the word “London to our crest because we felt it had real global appeal. Nobody else does it”.

Arsenal, Chelsea and Spurs don’t need to. It’s a bit sad, like one of those ‘LONDON’ fridge magnets tourists buy in tat shops on Oxford Street and wearing plastic police helmets for trips to the Planetarium. It says London on the tin but inside it’s just a hollow ploy to make foreigners part with their cash.

 

Posted: 5th, October 2016 | In: Celebrities, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Steve Martin sings ‘Atheists don’t have no songs’

Steve Martin Writes Song for Hymn-Deprived Atheists

As Christmas rolls up we wonder about the atheists. Steve Martin is here to help. Steve Martin and the Steep Canyon Rangers perform at Merlefest 2010.

 

Until now!

A little tune called “Athiests Don’t Have No Songs”

(Christians have)
Christians have their hymns and pages.
(Hymns and pages)
Hava Nagila’s for the Jews.
(For the Jews)
Baptists have the rock of ages.
(Rock of ages)
Atheists just sing the blues.

(Romantics play)
Romantics play Claire de Lune.
(Claire de Lune)
Born agains sing He is risen.
But no one ever wrote a tune.
(Wrote a tune)
For godless existentialism.
(For godless existentialism)

For Atheists,
There’s no good news.
They’ll never sing,
A song of faith.

In their songs,
They have a rule.
The “he” is always lowercase.
The “he” is always lowercase.

(Some folks sing)
Some folks sing a Bach cantata.
(Bach cantata)
Lutherans get Christmas trees.
Atheist songs add up to nada.
(Up to nada)
But they do have Sundays free.
(Have Sundays free)

(Pentecostals sing)
Pentecostals sing, sing to heaven,
(Sing to heaven)
Gothics had the books of scrolls,
(Numerologists count)
Numerologists count, count to seven,
(Count to seven)
Atheists have rock and roll.

For atheists,
There’s no good news.
They’ll never sing,
A song of faith.

In their songs,
They have a rule.
The “he” is always lowercase.
The “he” is always lowercase.

Atheists
Atheists
Atheists
Don’t have no songs!

(Christians have)
Christians have their hymns and pages.
(Hymns and pages)
Hava Nagila’s for the Jews.
(For the Jews)
Baptists have the rock of ages.
(Rock of ages)
Atheists just sing the blues.

Catholics,
Dress up for mass.
And listen to,
Gregorian chants.

Atheists,
Just take a pass.
Watch football in their underpants.
Watch football in their underpants.

Atheists
Atheists
Atheists
Don’t have no songs!
(Don’t have no songs)

Posted: 5th, October 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Music | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Leonardo DiCaprio thinks freedom of speech is overrated

Leonardo DiCaprio thinks democracy and free though – and thereby free speech – are overrated. Speaking at the White House ahead of a screening of his new grandiose documentary, Before the Flood, DiCaprio opined:

“If you don’t believe in climate change, you don’t believe in facts, and science, and empirical truths.  And, in my humble opinion, [you] should not be allowed to hold public office.”

Believe or else. Orthodoxy rules!

Are there any more views DiCaprio disagrees with that should bar you from holding public office, even if the people have voted for you?

When did liberals become so censorious?

Posted: 5th, October 2016 | In: Celebrities, News, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Kim Kardashian: milking the social media socialite for stolen jewels

Five robbers stole millions of pounds worth of jewellery and two cell phones from social media socialite Kim Kardashian in Paris. They held a gun to her head, says Sky news.

The tabloids lap it up.

The Mail wonders what really happened. “What IS the truth behind the heist?” it asks. Well, we don’t know because the culprits have yet to be caught. But the Mail’s headline is suggestive of some kind of plot on the victim’s side. We don’t know the facts but let’s hold our noses and take a hard look at the victim. That seems fair.

 

kardashian heist

 

The Mail then invites Alison Boshoff to write:

As ratings for Keeping Up With The Kardashians keep falling, is it any wonder Kim’s gunpoint ordeal is seen by some as a huge PR stunt.

Having appraised her stolen jewels and found them wanting, Boshoff says:

Good taste aside, the mother-of-two, who was robbed at gunpoint by five masked men who tied her up in the bathroom of a luxury Paris apartment in the early hours of Monday while they stole £7.8 million of jewellery, may now be reflecting that it could have been a tad unwise to show off her wealth so ostentatiously.

As the Queen pulls on her crown and answers the door to the ‘CID’, Boshoff sees fit to repeat a few of the voices who have wondered aloud about where Kim’s security at 2am (her bodyguard Pascal Duvie as in nightclub with her siblings) and why the TV cameras were not filming the crime. Where was the woman who holds her skin in place as Kim sleeps? Why was Kim selfie implant not woking?

Boshoff then delivers a long review of Kim’s career as a reality TV star.

What the point of her article is other than to cast shade on the victim of an armed robbery, we can’t be certain. Maybe it just exists to fill space. We can add Boshoff’s to-deadline article to the – get this – 36 other Daily Mail articles on the robbery. So much for those falling rating. Kim is click-tastic in the Mail!

As for the crime, well, the Sun sums up well:

 

Kardashian

 

The last word on the robbery is with Sarah Ditum, who tells Indy readers: “Kim Kardashian did not deserve to be robbed just because she learned the truth about being female and famous.”

Oh. Are you sure the telly star didn’t deserve to be attacked, fear she would be raped and robbed? Her last show was a bit dull. Says Ditum:

Who can blame her for recognising a primary truth of being female and famous – that either you profit from your exposure, or someone else does – and trying to control it? Judging from the reactions to this robbery, a lot of people do.

Add that to the hundreds of articles on Kim Kardashian published today.

 

Posted: 4th, October 2016 | In: Celebrities, News, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The entire first season of Danny Dyer’s The Real Football Factories in one 60 second chunk

“I edited the entire first season of Danny Dyer’s The Real Football Factories into one 60 second chunk,” tweets ‏@AchinglyChic.

It’s brilliant:

Posted: 30th, September 2016 | In: Celebrities, Sports, TV & Radio | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Norman Cook and Zoe Ball meet rainbow’s end

Norman Cook (DJ – Clubs/ Wedding/ Bar Mitzvahs) and Zoe Ball (DJ – Radio) are to divorce. And the Sun know why. The paper thunders: “‘I WANT SEX AND BOOZE’ – Zoe Ball dumps Norman ‘Fatboy Slim’ Cook after 18-year-marriage ‘because of fling with toyboy’.”

His fling? Her fling? Whose toyboy? The Sun doesn’t seem certain of much. “It is said Zoe has a lover in his twenties,” the paper reports. Said by whom? Dunno. But Ball has told the “shattered DJ she just wanted booze and sex with her new toyboy.”

We hear from a “pal”, who adds: “Zoe told heartbroken Norman he was boring.” He’s being boring with the couple’s 16-year-old son Woody and daughter Nelly May, six. Ball, we read, has left the family home. “Zoe understands that, but she is in a very different place. She doesn’t want to be sat on the sofa of an evening having a cup of tea,  the pal continues. “Despite being previously teetotal, she loves a party and will get stuck into a night out.”

On Twitter we get the following: “With great sadness we are announcing that we have separated. After many exciting adventures together over the last 18 years, we have come to the end of our rainbow.”

 

Norman Cook divorce Zoe ball

 

 

Traditionally, the end of the rainbow is where you find a crock of gold. Norman and Zoe have found a divorce lawyer.

But we appreciate the part about living next door but one? We like the idea of a middle house. They live close to one another but he doesn’t have to hear Ball’s cackling mates and she gets a buffer from Fatboy’s snoring.

And the Leprechaun in the middle house get to sell stories to the Sun.

Posted: 25th, September 2016 | In: Celebrities, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Joseph Connagh: former BBC Egghead ‘CJ’ arrested in murder investigtion

Joseph Connagh, a former Egghead on the BBC quiz show Eggheads has been arrested as part of an investigation into an alleged killing in the Netherlands. CJ de Mooi, as he was known on the show, was arrested under a European arrest warrant issued by Dutch Police at Heathrow Airport on Wednesday.

Barnsley-born Connagh is former president of the English Chess Federation and a winner of the TV gameshow 15 to 1. He is due to appear at Westminster Magistrates’ Court.

The site WeAreBarnsley.com reported in 2012:

“I was born in Barnsley and lived there until I was four and then moved to Rotherham,” he said. “What I do remember about Barnsley is the road I was born on in the town centre, a little about the surrounding area and I have got some memories of the school I used to go to.”

His life took a completely unexpected direction just after his 17th birthday – he left home and chose to sleep on the streets… He found his way to Holland and endured 18 months sleeping rough on a staircase in Amsterdam before stowing away on a train to Cologne in Germany.

“While I was there begging, a guy came up to me who was a photographer and offered me a modelling job. In 2000 I thought to myself I’m a bit bored and I have got good general knowledge so I entered a few TV quiz shows.

“The second one I went on was 15 to 1 and I won so then I applied for The Weakest Link and was voted off despite being the strongest link.”

 

CJ arrested Eggheads

CJ – second from left

 

Are Eggheads hardboiled?

 

Posted: 22nd, September 2016 | In: Celebrities, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Paul Gascoigne becomes an anti-free speech role model

Paul Gascoigne is not in the best of health. This we know because the tabloids love to feature Gazza in various stages of trouble. He’s back in the news for the criminal offence of telling a joke. At Dudley Magistrates Court, the former England footballer’s joke was appraised. It was found wanting. Gascoigne was deemed guilty of using ‘”threatening or abusive words”. Those words also cost him a £2,000 fine.

By now you all want to know what Gascoigne said. What does a £2000 joke look like? At An Evening With Gazza at Wolverhampton Civic Hall last year, the show’s eponymous star told a black security guard, Errol Rowe: “Can you smile please, because I can’t see you?”

Anyone heading to an evening with Gascoigne, a man who seemed to run on nervous energy, is unlikely to attend expecting a night of coherent thought and incisive wit. Nonetheless, District Judge Graham Wilkinson was outraged, telling Gazza, “it is not acceptable to laugh words like this off as some form of joke… We live in the 21st century — grow up with it or keep your mouth closed.”

The 21st Century looks a a draconian place. Gascoigne’s joke was sad, weak and, worst of all, unfunny. And that’s crucial to the crime. The advice is that if you’re unsure of what is and what is not acceptable to the state, you should not speak. You should censor yourself lest you cause the State to be offended.

And take care not to be famous and unfunny. Wilkinson told Gascoigne that his punishment is a warning to us all. “A message needs to be sent that in the 21st century,” said the Beak, “such words will not be tolerated.”

Intolerance will not be tolerated. How’s that for freedom?

PS: If you want to look for racism. you can find in a pathetic joke, if you want. But what about in the judiciary?  Wilkinson told Gazza: “”It is the creeping ‘low-level’ racism that society still needs to challenge.” And what about the institutional racism?

Dame Linda Dobbs opines:

Posted: 22nd, September 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt split the children in what media hope will be a messy divorce

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will end their marriage of a whole 2 years and being together since 2004. Divorce has been triggered. She wants sole physical custody of all the couple’s collection of children – 6 of them.

The media is filled with weeping and wailing among the couple’s fans. How can the love of its age be broken by, in Angelina’s words, “irreconcilable differences”? Brangelina were the media match made in portmanteau heaven. What were the differences? Did one of them think By The Sea was great movie – a good movie?

 

Angelina jolie brad pitt

 

 

TMZ dishes some dirt:

Sources connected with the couple tell us… Angelina’s decision to file has to do with the way Brad was parenting the children… she was extremely upset with his methods.

Our sources say, Angelina became “fed up” with Brad’s consumption of weed and possibly alcohol, and mixed with what she believes is “an anger problem” became dangerous for the children.

We’re told there was no alleged “third person”… her decision to file was solely over Brad’s interaction with their children.

InTouch Weekly says Brad’s a great dad and will petition for custody of the children.

The Sun says: “ANGELINA ‘HAS PUT KIDS IN DANGER’ ‘Furious’ Brad Pitt hits back at claims over anger and alcohol issues and ‘blasts Angelina for putting kids in firing line in bitter divorce’”

Will things get nasty? Will Brad get the kids  or be forced to find 6 other children to fill the void? If he does, will their be auditions?

Expect lots more on this.

 

Posted: 21st, September 2016 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0