ON Sorry I Haven’t A Clue, Tony Hawks sings The Smiths’ Girlfriend in a Coma to the tune of Tiptoe through the Tulips:

Note: Tiptoe Through The Tulips lends itself to laughs. Scroll to the bottom to hear Tiny Tim flower walking with care.

THERE’S nothing quite like mishearing lyrics is there? Well, good news! Here’s a video, to kickstart your weekend, which looks at the hits of the 90s, which mishears all your favourite lyrics and shares them with you!

2 Become 1 by the Spice Girls takes a sinister, Operation Yewtree turn, while Britney Spears single ...Baby One More Time makes her look even more mental than usual.

Radiohead’s Creep becomes less of an anthem of disenfranchisement, and something more ‘base’.

And Hanson? Well, you’ll just have to see what they’re on about.

Have fun!

Spotter

EXTRACTS from Poptastic! My Life in Radio, by Tony Blackburn, as selected by Eamonn Forde. It turns there is more to Tony than admiration for Neil Sedaka and pressed trousers. Here’s what Tony didn’t cover in his first autobiography, 1985′s Tony Blackburn: The Living Legend.

First few facts about Tony for our overseas and younger readers:

Blackburn’s was the first voice heard on Radio One in 1967. In his album Tony Blackburn Sings, he crooned a version of The White Cliffs of Dover. The rest of career saw him become remarkably uncool.

Now for the extracts. Nice!

Says Tony:

 ”I’d say that seeing Bobby Vee perform was far more enjoyable than watching The Beatles in their prime. I was never big on Elvis – I prefer Perry Como – and I’ll take Alvin Stardust over David Bowie any day.”

Buy the book.

THE Sunday People had “exclusive” news of Mark Lester and Michael Jackson’s kids. In “JACKOS KIDS PATERNITY BOMBSHELL”, we learn:

The 54-year-old actor, who was Michael’s best pal for 30 years, donated sperm to the ­superstar a year before the singer’s first child was born.

Lester has “sensationally revealed  he could be their read dad”.

On August 9 2009, the News of the World reported on Mark Lester:

“I’M JACKSON’S GIRL REAL DAD”

Lester is quoted in the People’s EXCLUSIVE:

“While he was alive, I never ever thought the children were anyone else’s but Michael’s.”

Jackson died on June 25, 2009.

On August 10, 2009, Lester was quoted in the NoW:

“Paris is very pale, with blue eyes. All my daughters, apart from my eldest, are fair with blue eyes. So many people have commented on how alike Harriet and Paris look. Our families often holidayed together and staff, especially nannies, watching the children play together would say how similar the two girls looked.”

The People writes:

Two months after Jacko died, his friend Uri Geller mentioned to Mark that he could be the dad.

Mark, who claims he had never previously thought about it, said: “Then I noticed the likenesses in my own children and his. My daughter Olivia looks like Paris. People have also pointed out similarities between myself when I was younger and Prince.”

Such are the facts…

THE Beatles play Sack My Bitch Up at Shea Stadium, 1965. (It’s what they wold have wanted):

BEING a Beatle isn’t easy. When you’re trying to do a show, you’re met by most gussets and a wall of screams. However, in Brazil, they like to do things a bit more Biblical.

And so, to Sir Paul McCartney who played a show in South America and found himself hit by a plague of grasshoppers.

During his 3 hour gig in Goiania, Macca was bombarded by the insects. Tom Jones gets a hail of knickers, and poor old Paul gets a mouth filled with horrible bugs. But, then, he is Beatle (geddit?!).

At one point in the show, with typical thumbs-aloft-wackiness, Macca introduced the 47,000 members of the audience to his new friend “Harold”.

During his rendition of Hey Jude, McCartney looked to Harold while singing the lines “the movement you need is on your shoulder”, adding “it certainly is now”.

Watch the video of a Beatle being eaten alive here.

A SIMPLE haircut prompts most ludicrous fashion and tabloid writers to hoot about celebrities like they’re shape-shifting lizards, when really, it is just a human who fancied a change.

Endless columns are written, debating about whether a person getting some new clothes or a hairdo is a good thing or, indeed, what it suggests for their future.

Most of the time, it means absolutely nothing, just like a hair cut in the real world.

HOWEVER. Someone got their hair done differently and you can barely recognise them. Seriously. Like they’re a shape-shifting lizard or something. Look at this woman. Any idea who it is?

Let us take a closer look at them. They seem familiar don’t they?

Well done to those who spotted that the star was Zooey Deschanel. With no bangs (that’s a fringe to you and me), she weirdly looks like a whole other human. It’s bizarre.

Zooey appeared without her trademark bonce at the 2013 Met Gala in New York and everyone is having kittens about it.

Without her fringe, she’s certainly less ‘adorkable’, as people on the internet say. So what does this mean for her career? Is she going to go for more mature roles and less geeky affairs?

Answer: Who cares?

 “Like most great predators, the HSBC banker sits at the top of the financial food chain totally oblivious to the impact of its appetite on the local eco-system. The HSBC banker has a diet which is made up almost exclusively of molluscs and Bollinger so the millions made from logging in Borneo are key to his survival.” 

ALL hail the new Disney Princess, a fairy-nosed, thick-haired, thin – THIN! – big-eyed cartoon of dreamy perfection. VitaminW notes how Disney have worked their magic on Merida, break-out star of the 2012 cartoon film Brave.

The new Merida is on the left. The old Merida is on the right. What changed?

Well, Vitamin W spots:

• Sleeker, longer hair with more body

• Larger eyes and more arched eyebrows

• Plumper lips

• A thinner waist

• More obvious breasts

• An overall more adult and less adolescent appearance

• Lighter colored and more ornate gown

• A lower cut neckline that also shows more shoulder

• Perhaps most symbolically, her bow and arrows have disappeared in favor of a fashionable belt

We’d add:

Her hands are behind her back.

She’s got slimmer feet. You know what Walt said about small feet…

Old Merida had an easy smile. New Merida looks more self-conscious.

But is Vitamin W being entirely fair? It would appear not. The image released by Disney looks like this:

In neither version does Merida have freckles…

WRITINGin the NY Times, Angelina Jolie talks about her double mastectomy. Many women have been brave enough to do this. But when you have the looks of a Hollywood star, the drastic action seems ever more incredible.

Jolie was told she had an 87 percent chance of getting breast cancer and a 50 percent chance of getting ovarian cancer.

My mother fought cancer for almost a decade and died at 56. She held out long enough to meet the first of her grandchildren and to hold them in her arms. But my other children will never have the chance to know her and experience how loving and gracious she was.

We often speak of “Mommy’s mommy,” and I find myself trying to explain the illness that took her away from us. They have asked if the same could happen to me. I have always told them not to worry, but the truth is I carry a “faulty” gene, BRCA1, which sharply increases my risk of developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer.

And:

I wanted to write this to tell other women that the decision to have a mastectomy was not easy. But it is one I am very happy that I made. My chances of developing breast cancer have dropped from 87 percent to under 5 percent. I can tell my children that they don’t need to fear they will lose me to breast cancer.

Siddhartha Mukhergee wrote about her cancer in The Emperor of All Maladies:

Like cancer prevention, cancer screening will also be reinvigorated by the molecular understanding of cancer. Indeed, it has already been. The discovery of the BRCA genes for breast cancer epitomizes the integration of cancer screening and cancer genetics. In the mid-1990s, building on the prior decade’s advances, researchers isolated two related genes, BRCA-1 and BRCA-2, that vastly increase the risk of developing breast cancer. A woman with an inherited mutation in BRCA-1 has a 50 to 80 percent chance of developing breast cancer in her lifetime (the gene also increases the risk for ovarian cancer), about three to five times the normal risk. Today, testing for this gene mutation has been integrated into prevention efforts. Women found positive for a mutation in the two genes are screened more intensively using more sensitive imaging techniques such as breast MRI. Women with BRCA mutations might choose to take the drug tamoxifen to prevent breast cancer, a strategy shown effective in clinical trials. Or, perhaps most radically, women with BRCA mutations might choose a prophylactic mastectomy of both breasts and ovaries before cancer develops, another strategy that dramatically decreases the chances of developing breast cancer.

And:

An Israeli woman with a BRCA-1 mutation who chose this strategy after developing cancer in one breast told me that at least part of her choice was symbolic. “I am rejecting cancer from my body,” she said. “My breasts had become no more to me than a site for my cancer. They were of no more use to me. They harmed my body, my survival. I went to the surgeon and asked him to remove them.”

Spotter: Kottke

CAR driving music with a film car chase montage. Can you name the films?

Pete met Asian business bigshots:

And Clegg:

PA: “You must be busy, busy, busy”

NC: “I signed up for it”

Before presenting the award Peter told one and all:

“Impossible. There’ no such word. Because if you break it down what does it mean? ‘I’m possible’. And it’s true. It’s so true.”

He then presented an award. The winner of the Global Entrepreneur of the Year at The Indus Entrepreneur (TiE) Awards was… Mr Kuntawala:

HOW does Matt Drudge do it? The New York Times notes:

To ease his back, neck and shoulder pain, Mr. Drudge says he has learned how to adjust his posture. Whether he’s typing in the car, from the wooden folding chair in his Miami home office, or from a boardwalk bench at the beach on cloudy days, he makes sure to tilt the top of his pelvis forward, roll his shoulders back, elongate his spine and straighten his craned neck.

Drudge’s spine is a graduate of Esther Gokhale, of whom he says:

“I needed her touch, her observations and her humanity.”

IN October 1985, Morrissey and Pete Burns appeared in Smash Hits. They were “The Very Odd Couple”.

“A Friendship Made In Heaven”

“We’re in Pete and Lynne Burns’s new flat”

“Nothing brings him out like a bunch of flowers”

“I thought it would be either a black eye  or it would be heavenly harmony”

\

Spotter: Morrissey Scans

TO the Vaccines gig at Venue Cymru in Llandudno, north Wales. Andy Bellis from Wrexham has been refused entry. The bouncers wanted to know the the name of The Vaccines’ front man and two of their albums. Failure to answer correctly would mean no entry. Says Mr Bellis:

“We queued up for a good half hour and give our tickets at the door. It seemed pretty normal. So, we’re pulled aside to get searched and the security guy asks if I know the lead singer and could I name their two albums and some songs. I couldn’t think off the top of my head so they kicked us out, took the tickets off us and said we couldn’t watch the band because we didn’t know enough information about them. I’ve made a complaint to the venue asking for a refund as there was no other reason I wasn’t allowed in.”

Time to turn the tables on bouncers.

Update: Venue Cymru has responded:

“Venue Cymru was made aware that pickpockets may attempt to operate in the arena during The Vaccines gig. In order to ensure the safety and security of our customers we carried out random checks of those in the queue. As a result six people were refused admission and a further two people were ejected from the building. Security were working closely with the police and licensing officers throughout the evening. Unfortunately one or two genuine visitors may have been refused admission and we apologise that they missed the event and full refunds are being given.”

Can’t pickpockets be fans of The Vaccines?

Update 2: Mr Bellis:

“No matter how they try and justify what went on it’s not going to cut. You can’t just go ejecting random people from queues just for not knowing information on band discography. The thing is I’m actually a big fan of the band. Just because I couldn’t name the singer or the songs or what underwear they we were wearing last September is irrelevant. How did people discover bands before the internet and everything else? I remember my first experiences of gigging to be a lot of fun by not knowing much about the bands I was going to see. So do I have to revise the history of each performer when visiting Venue Cymru?”

All you need to know about The Vaccines you can learn here.

A quick search reveals that Mr Bellis is the lead singer of a band. It’s name. Why, The Uninvited.

Says Mr Bellis:

If anybody can find anymore stories related to this weeks media frenzy involving The Vaccines and myself that hasn’t been in NME, Daily Mail, Chronicle, The Independent, Wales Online or International Business Times then please share it. Very interesting to read each reporters version of things and I also need to know where to keep on using this publicity to promote The Uninvited(2012).

PS:  The Daily Mail adds:

North Wales police said there were no reports of thefts at the concert and no arrests were made.

Such are the facts.

16453340

◄ Back

Next ►

◄ Back

Next ►

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 

Picture 14 of 41

Madonna attends the 'Punk': Chaos to Couture' Costume Institute Benefit Met Gala at the Metropolitan Museum in New York.

To see: Heidi Klum, Jessica Alba, Nicki Minaj, Miley Cyrus, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, Blake Lively, Psy, Katy Perry, Kate Upton, Jennifer Lopez, Tom Brady and Gisele, Joely Richardson, Nicole Richie, Uma Thurman, Beyonce, Madonna, Zandra Rhodes, Brahim Zaibat, Riccardo Tisci, Elizabeth Banks, Sarah Jessica Parker, Anne Hathaway, Kristen Stewart,Katie Holmes, Solange Knowles, Rooney Mara, Anna Wintour, Lily Collins, Leelee Sobieski, Amanda Seyfried and Pedro Almodovar, Linda Evangelista, hris Stein, Debbie Harry and Clem Burke of Blondie, Jenna Lyons, Anja Rubik, Daisy Bevan and Vanessa Redgrave, Leighton Meester and Ivanka Trump.

FOLLOWING actress Reese Witherspoon’s arrest for disorderly conduct, spotters noticed star wearing an Atlanta Police Department baseball cap. Had Reese in a moment of high jinx stolen a copper’s lid, much like Bertie Wooster did in the excitement of Boat Race day. Those larks cost Wooster £5 in court. Does the hat spell more trouble for the Hollywood star?

It seems not. Officer Stanionis, of the Atlanta Police Department, tells TMZ:

“We did not give her that hat. We have no idea where she got that hat. In fact, that’s an awful hat. Looks like a patch glued onto a hat and it’s not a good one.”

Looks like the Celebrity Police Force has a fashion division…

DISNEY’S Planes features the tune It’s More Human Than Human, by White Zombie. Planes is children’s film about Dusty, “a cropdusting plane who dreams of competing in a famous aerial race. The problem? He is hopelessly afraid of heights.” Maybe drugs can help the heavy metal lift off?

The compilation album will be a must-buy to listen to on long family car rides. The lyrics to the White Zombie track tun:

Yeah, I am the astro creep
A demolition style
Hell american freak, yeah
I am the crawling dead
A phantom in a box
Shadow in your head say
Acid, suicide freedom of the blast
Read the fucker lies, yeah
Scratch off the broken skin
Tear into my heart make
Me do it again yeah
Yeah [x4]

More Human Than Human
[x6]

Yeah, I am the jigsaw man
I turn the world around
With a skeleton hand say
I am electric head
A cannibal core
A television said, yeah
Do not victimize
Read the motherfucker
Psychoholic lies, yeah
Into a psychic war
I tear my soul apart and I
Eat it some more, yeah
Yeah [x4]

More Human Than Human
[x6]

Yeah, I am the ripper man
A locomotion mind
Love american style, yeah
I am the nexus one
I want more life fucker
I ain’t done, yeah

More Human Than Human
[x8]

And according to Wikipedia:

The moaning in the intro to the song was sampled from a post-apocalyptic porn movie called Café Flesh directed by Stephen Sayadian.

And you thought Steam Boat Willie was edgy…

Planes

White Zombie

Spotter

STEFAN Dennis holds the record for playing the longest-running character in an Australian TV show. He’s been Neighbours’ Paul Robinson for 28 years. Some way to go yet to beat the world record set by Bill Roache, who has played Coronation Street’s Ken Barlow for 52 years. But at 54 years young, Dennis can yet make it. And with a following wind and a decent soundtrack might Denis also top ‘Cock’ Roache’s tally of sexual conquests, a number the English actor puts at over 1000?

Dennis has been talking sex with OK!.

OK!: ”Stefan, you hit the charts with Don’t It Make You Feel Good in 1989. What was that like?”

Dennis: “It got me laid a lot!… I remember I had one of my favouite jumpers on one time, and by the time I got from the stage to the hospitality room it was in tatters!”

Popstars in jumpers are always irresistible:

POP f*ckwit Pete Doherty and “troubled” Home Alone star Macaulay Caulkin are cohabiting in Paris. In 2007, Doherty topped the Celebrity Flatmate From Hell poll. Can it be that Culkin, who used to share a bed with Michael Jackson, is seeking to relive his life’s halcyon days, looking for unsuitable bedfellows? When Doherty was voted flatmate from Hell, he beat Britney Spears and Victoria Beckham into second and third places, respectively. A few votes more and the former child star could have been picking his hair out of Spears’ sink and learning how to fold peas into sandwiches with Vicky.

Gillian Orr sums up the reaction to this celebrity news:

But as one Twitter commenter (Matt Leys) pointed out, while the gruesome twosome no doubt have delusions of hedonistic poet roomies Verlaine and Rimbaud in their heads, a more fitting comparison might be that of Richie and Eddie in Bottom.

Picture: Culkin and Doherty get breakfast.

ARE you a virgin? Ever thought of selling your virginity? Well, one young lady is offering hers to Burt Reynolds, not that she actually knows him.

And the 24-year-old doesn’t really have her virginity in tact, but rather, she has a ’born-again virginity’, whatever that means. And Burt Reynolds can have it, free of charge.

Trisha Paytas made the plea via YouTube after being inspired by the girl who sold her virginity and the Afghanistan sergeant who asked Mila Kunis to accompany him to the Marine Corps Ball.

“I have been celibate for three years – over three years – so my hymen is basically closed back together,” she said.

“And I was thinking, ‘oh my gosh’ – it kinda just hit me – and the one person I would break my celibacy for and give my born-again virginity to free of charge is the one and only Burt Reynolds.”

“I am in love with you, I am in love with your movies, and I have an infatuation with your penis.”

Reynolds hasn’t responded to the video, but he should hurry up. As Trisha points out – she’d like him to respond before he dies because she’s not really into necrophilia.

Watch her video here

MATT Groening based many of his The Simpson’s characters on members of his family. His dad’ called Homer. His sisters are Maggie and Lisa. His mother was Margaret Ruth Groening (née Wiggum) . She died in April.

You feel like you knew her, don’t you?

Spotter Reddit