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The world according Hello! magazine, starring Lord and Lady Chinless Wonder

Prophets of Rage tour dates

Take the lead singers of Public Enemy, Cypress Hill and Rage Against the Machine. Put them together. What do you get?

You get an almighty noise, a massive dose of nostalgia and the chance of something extraordinary gelling. All hail, then, the world’s new supergroup Prophets of Rage.

The band played their first gig at Whisky A Go Go last week. And now they’ve revealed their tour dates.

(Plans for other members of Public Enemy, Cypress Hill and Rage Against the Machine to form their own bands are not yet known.)

 

Posted: 7th, June 2016 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cheryl Cole’s Lips Gloss And Go: Pictures

HELLO! magazine meets Cheryl Cole and is told that any talk of Ashley Cole is “off limits”. We would turn off there. But Cheryl has some hairspray to flog. So, we stay to listen to the nation’s sweetheart.

Cheryl says she only remembers the “mean stuff” she reads.

She says you would not want to walk past people in the street saying mean things about your hair. Well, no. But, then, most of us don’t wear hair extensions in a TV advert to sell shampoo with added “mojo”.

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Posted: 4th, May 2010 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sarah Ferguson Will Run The London Marathon Like Icon Daughter Beatrice

PRINCESS Beatrice finishes the London Marathon and raises some money for Children in Crisis. And mum Sarah Ferguson is there to praise herself and her daughter:

“I have been her icon for the last 21 years and today she has become mine. I’m going to run the London Marathon next year.”

Maybe Beatrice needs to run faster?

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Princess Beatrice at the start of The London Marathonin Blackheath, London.

Posted: 4th, May 2010 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sandra Bullock Interview: Louis Bardo Bullock, The Universe, Jesse James, Poop And Pictures

SANDRA Bullock pulled a blind side when she adopted Louis Bardo Bullock, a child names after Louis Armstrong and someone called Bardo. Bullock tells us that she is to divorce Jesse James, the Vanilla Gorilla who, allegedly, bumped Nazi memorabilia with Michelle McGee and others.

Bullock is on the cover of Hello!, presenting her new baby, “the perfect little man”. Bullock Junior is black and had a bris – a Jewish circumcision. This is how Sammy Davis Junior started. We expect big things from Louis.

Louis seems to be being set up for a celebrity life. Says Bullock:

“He’s handsome, but it’s his spirit that’s beautiful. There’s a wisdom to him.”

Louis is three-months-old and wearing an expression Bullock says means “hurry up and get it done” – and which other mums might suppose means “I’m doing it. Plop. There ya go.”

Sandra says she won’t discuss the adoption to “protect her son’s privacy”. That’s Louis naked in his mum’s arms in Hello! magazine.

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Posted: 4th, May 2010 | In: Hello!, Key Posts | Comments (5) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Flavio Briatore And Elisabetta Gregoraci Present Falco Nathan But Not The Nanny

FLAVIO Briatore would like to show Hello! readers his massive yacht and newborn son Falco Nathan, a child he calls a “phenomenon”.

Mum Elisabetta Gregoraci, blessed with a face that is as line and blemish free as her son’s, sits with the proud dad and his son. The boy weighed an “impressive” 4.16kg when born.

Elisabetta had Falco Nathan 17 days before his due date. She did this so that her mother Melina and the dad, Flavio, would be there. Elisabetta is nothing if not considerate.

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Posted: 27th, April 2010 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Introducing Caryl And Joe Cole’s Daughter Ruby Tatiana

BY now you’ll be itching to meet Carly and Chelsea FC’s Joe Cole’s daughter Rugby Tatiana. Itch scratched as Hello! meets the child born on March 18 and weighing in at 6lb 3oz.

In a pinky-yellow room, we see a sign declaring Ruby to be “Daddy’s little girl”. We also learn that “Joe likes to do at least two nappies a day”. Can you do nappies? Are nappies a drug? Can you sniff a nappy too hard?

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Posted: 20th, April 2010 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


At Home With Nicola Roberts And Charlie Fennell

NICOLA Roberts, of Girls Aloud, would like to show you her “luxury penthouse”. She’d also like to show us Charlie Fennell (like the vegetable), her lover with a “big personality”.

They share love and red velvet dining chairs “encrusted” with Swarovski hearts. Charlie sells “customised jet skis”. Nicola and Charlie live in Surrey.

Nicola then gets into a wooden cupboard and shows us her shoes.

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Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: Hello! | Comments (4) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince William Pops The Questions To Kate Middleton

IN this week’s Hello! the magazine looks at Kate Middleton and Prince William and gets “Ten burning questions answers”.

1. Will there be party bags at your wedding?

2. What will be in the party bags?

3. Will you release a commemorative party bag?

4. Do you get party bag even if you can’t make it to the wedding?

5. Will there be a special party bag for people with nut allergies?

6. Can I recycle my party bag?

7. Are party bags good for your hair?

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Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cheryl Cole’s ‘Secret Divorce’ And More

WANT to know about Cheryl Cole’s “secret divorce decision”? You do. In that case, you need to read Hello!, which features the decision in secret on its front cover. It’s an “exclusive”.
Inside, and the headline pretty much says it all:

“Cheryl Cole all smiles and in no rush to see divorce lawyers.”

Unless she’s meeting them in secret?

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Alexandra Taylor

Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sarah Brown Turns Us On In Satin Dress And Sensible Mid-Heels

SO at pains is Gordon Brown to say this election is not about personalities, that Sarah Brown is addressing Hello! readers. Says Sarah:

“I’ve been grinning all day and my face is hurting.”

Sarah’s been with South African premier Jacob Zuma’s wife No. (inserts digit here) Thobeka Madiba Zuma. She’s then off to a charity nosh up for the White Ribbon Alliance at the Agua Spa in London’s Sanderson Hotel.

It’s the treatment the campaign against infant mortality demands. All this in a “slate-grey satin dress and sensible mid-heels”. Sarah is a marvel.

And Sarah Brown works in PR. She’s on her biggest challenge yet: to make Gordon Brown appear human, electable and above all else shaggable.

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Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Hello! | Comments (3) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Tina Hobley Introduces The Celebrity Quote Of The Day, With Guy Chambers On Tape

TINA Hobley would like Hello! readers go gaze upon Orson Henry Attwood Wheeler. She is “crying from sheer joy”. And she delivers the celebrity quote of the day:

“And when it came to Orson’s birth I was incredibly relaxed. It was an elective Caesarean – as it was with Olivia – so I knew what time Orson would be born and we had a CD of French folk music playing which our friend Guy Chambers had prepared for us.”

Anyone else feel like crying?

Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Hello! | Comments (3) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


At Home In Barbados With Kai Wayne Rooney And Traditional Wag Coleen

WE’VE peeped inside Kai Wayne Rooney’s nursery. Now we get to see inside his new home in Barbados.

Coleen Rooney “invites us into her and Wayne’s lifestyle”. Well, not quite. Coleen Rooney actually only invites us to look at her things.

Kai Wayne Rooney, Birth Of A Brand

She wants to show us the villa she’s had built in Barbados. This, we learn, is “another string to her bow”. (The bow is Louboutin for William Tell, the arrows are Swarovski and the feathers made from cash.)

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Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


In Pictures: Cheryl Cole’s Shocking Eyebrows And Election Vow

CHERYL Cole has “The Smile That Says ‘I’m Back On Top”. Well, she does in Hello!. Over in Closer magazine, Cheryl is “DEVASTATED”. She’s “barely eating and terrified Ashley will start dating”. Start? (NSFW) In other news, what Cheryl’s eyebrows say about the election and if Cheryl will date Prince Harry…?!?!?

Posted: 30th, March 2010 | In: Hello! | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Prince William’s Helmet Hair Bonds Courchevel Kate

IN this week’s Hello! you can share the “LOVE And LAUGHTER” of Prince William and earring muncher Kate Middleton in Courchevel. This is their “romantic getaway”.

What they are getting away from is a moot point, being as it is they are on the cover of Hello! riding a skidoo, which we believe to be William’s current job.

On point of note: a couple of weeks’ back Hello! introduced us to William’s new thick black barnet. This week, the hair is even thicker and shinier. Kate is wearing a helmet. But Wills prefers the feel of wind in his hair.

They “look like extra in a James Bond movie… The royal love birds kept their hands close as they joked and lighted with one another above the roar of the machine’s engines.

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Posted: 23rd, March 2010 | In: Hello! | Comments (28) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Charity Marathon Training With Princess Beatrice And The Hooray Harrriers

FANCY coming “Marathon training with Princess Beatrice, boyfriend Dave and the Bransons”?

Before you commit, let’s see what the Hooray Harriers are up in Hello!.

“On an icy morning, not long after dawn, a group of people start stripping off coats, scarves and body warmers in a London park.”

We’re gripped:

“Donning black and green T-shirts bearing a caterpillar logo, they set off on sirs of warm-ups before running side by side in twos…. But this otherwise ordinary team includes some rather famous faces.”

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Posted: 16th, March 2010 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hitting Saba Douglas-Hamilton’s Eco-Safari Park By Plane

SABA Douglas-Hamilton is the “TV Wildlife expert” and of noble stock. In this week’s Hello!, Saab introduces us to her daughter Selkie and an eco-safari park. Before that, Hello! is in full flash flood mode:

“She has lived with wild chimpanzees on the Ivory coast, run barefoot among herds of elephants in Kenya, been shipwrecked off the coast of Angola and tracked polar bears in the arctic wilderness… But ask filmmaker Saba Douglas-Hamilton what the greatest adventure of her life has been and she sums it up with a single word and broad smile: ‘Motherhood.”.

Saba, who fronted adverts for the Nissan x-Trail, has an eco-safari camp.

Hello! ends the article by telling readers that Saba flew from Nairobi to Samburu with Safarilink, the only airplane powered by parrot wings…

Posted: 16th, March 2010 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Miranda Kerr Interview: Orlando Bloom, Affirmations And Victoria’s Secret Pictures

5348422IN this week’s Hello!, top model Miranda Kerr is wearing jeans (tear in right knee) and shirt (unbuttoned to navel). Miranda welcomes us to her Sydney home and tells us that Orlando Bloom is “an incredible man”. Says she:

“I’m happiest when I’m sitting under a tree or reading a book or out at the beach. I’m definitely a girl that enjoys the simple things in life.”

To show us what happiness looks like, Miranda pauses from modelling underwear for Victoria’s Secret and reads a book. There are not many people who can happily read a book while being photographed, but Miranda is one of them.

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Posted: 23rd, February 2010 | In: Hello!, Key Posts | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hairy Prince William Shows His Love For Bobby Charlton

prince-william2NO small irony that Hello!’s exclusive on “THE REAL WILLIAM” – a photo tribute to Prince William’s prowess with a camera and his being just like his mum – irony of ironies – should lead with a picture of William wearing Wayne Newton’s hair.

Full story here.

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Posted: 17th, February 2010 | In: Hello! | Comments (4) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hello! Introduces The ‘Real’ Prince William, In Photos

6071-bIN this week’s Hello!, Prince William is wearing Wayne Newton’s hair. Can it be that the son of the celebrity Princess, Diana, has dyed his tresses? The front-page headline says that this is “THE REAL WILLIAM”.

It turns out that the Real William has jet black, thick hair and is not a bit like that William with the mousy sparseness.

On page 1 of the William special, Real Wills tells us:

“The diptych that I have created with Jeff is a reminder of the way in which all of us – whatever path our lives have taken – are ultimately neighbours and share a common bond.”

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Posted: 16th, February 2010 | In: Hello! | Comments (5) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cheryl Cole On Being ‘Everybody’s Icon’ And Fighting For Ashley Cole

5027248IN this week’s Hello!, Cheryl Cole “opens her heart about fighting for her marriage to Ashley”.

Cheryl Cole’s marriage has been “gossiped about, analysed and, at times, severely tested,” trills Hello!.

How times move fast. When this was written Cheryl and Ashley Cole had moved on from allegations of his cheating on her with a model and Aimee Walton. Now, there are tabloid tales of a glamour mode and a secretary telling the world how she shagged Ashley. (No word from Cole yet, and the claims remain unproven.)

“If it’s worth fighting for, then fight,” says Cheryl.

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Posted: 16th, February 2010 | In: Hello! | Comments (8) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hello!: Toni Terry’s Figure, Vanessa Perroncel’s Coffee, Kirsty Gallagher’s Magical Birth And EastEnders At 25

hello2HELLO! magazine – we read it so you don’t have to: John Terry and Toni Terry are “STILL IN LOVE”; TV’S KIRSTY GALLAGHER introduces Jude The Dude; and EastEnders celebrates 25 years of searching for a stable family unit…

The Terrys’ All Sold of Chelsea are given this delicious comment by a source:

“The marriage is solid. It will work.”

John Terry: Wayne Bridge’s Lover Vanessa Perroncel In Pictures (NSFW)

Well, who is to say what works for other people? If allegedly shagging loadsa other women including your best mate’s lover and mother to his son keeps you solid, so be it. Rock on.

Toni, we learn, is a “shapely brunette”. Vanessa Perroncel is friends with Suzi Walker, former wife of former Spurs ‘keeper Ian Walker, he of the uber alles hair-do who cheated on her with a dancer. Suzi says she had coffee with Perroncel. Suzi says Toni is “sweet”.

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Posted: 9th, February 2010 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hello!: John Terry Spots Vanessa Perroncel, Cheryl Cole’s For Haiti And Coleen Rooney Shocks

coleen-helloIN this Week’s Hello!, John Terry and Vanessa Perroncel revealed, Coleen Rooney on baby Kai and Cheryl Cole tells of “heartbreak”.

It’s the Premier League drool-fest in this week’s Hello!. The magazine no longer leads with shots of chinless Euro-trash at play but goes with Coleen Rooney telling us that “Kai is a really good baby”.

Adding:

“He’s not a crier at all.”

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Posted: 2nd, February 2010 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hello!: Victoria And David’s Beckham’s Wedding Invite

portada-revista-hello-1108-520IN this week’s Hello! magazine: David and Victoria Beckham “invite you” to Vicky’s sister’s wedding “AT THEIR COUTNRY MANSION”.

This is how celebrity magazine weddings work: you get the free do and the boast card in exchange for an advertorial about the venue and the hosts.

The front cover tells its own story: while Vicky’s sister – still not named – wears an ivory gown and holds the hand of her suited and booted lover, also unnamed – Vicky pulls on a little black dress and David arrives as if he’s thinking of jacking it all in for a job as a mini cab driver in suburban Leicester and has dressed in rediness for an emergency call up from Ozcabs.

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Posted: 28th, January 2010 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


‘Down To Earth’ Mel B Shows Us Her Mansion And Possessions

7970502THAT’S former Spice Girl Mel B sat beside a swimming pool and Jacuzzi combo in Hello!.

That’s Mel B, she of the “beautiful daughters, handsome film producer husband”, “six-bedroom, eight-bathroom (?) mansion”, Spyker C8 Laviolette car, Cadillac Escalade, Bentley, Range Rover, movie theatre, house in Egypt, a lounge that boasts every shade of brown, hand-carved bed, collection of “lots” of Andy Warhol and a Damien Hirst panting, cleaner, “spacious” gym and vistas.

This is “down-to-earth” Mel B.

Posted: 12th, January 2010 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Strictly Come Dancing’s Ali Bastian And Brian Fortuna’s Boast Card From Paris

ali-bastian-and-brian-fortunaWHILE you weren’t watching Strictly Come Dancing, the BBC’ pro-am dance bore-fest, Ali Bastian (celeb/dancer) and Brian Fortuna (dancer/celeb) fell head over heels in love. Says Hello!:

“Are they aren’t they was the question on everyone’s lips?”

It wasn’t. The question at Anorak was how long before the BBC repackages its moribund, flabby show into a sport and puts Bastian up for sports personality of the year. Personality is BBC English  for celebrity. And if a decent highlights package can be put together to the tune of something from M People then Bastian has a chance.

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Posted: 22nd, December 2009 | In: Hello! | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0