Golf Can Make You Deaf - Daily Mail headline of the year
2009: Anorak’s Diary
Obama rising, Gore sinking, Jamie Oliver exported, Beckham chipping, Ledger returning
Terrorists Target Jews Sugar, Winehouse and Ronson: Blair Outraged
UK Jews on and not on terror list
Angelina Jolie’s Biopic: Starring Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston
“HOLLYWOOD beauty had resigned herself to never having a life partner, but all that changed when Brad Pitt came onto the scene.” And Jolie got someone else’s.
In this exclusive OK! interview Jolie tell us about her “amazing life”. “It’s “amazing!” Amazing!” says Angelina Jolie, removing all doubt.
Jolie is auditioning for her biopic, in which she will play “poor” Jennifer Aniston to Jennifer Aniston’s pathetic and some may says heartless, cold and husband-stealing Jolie. Caring Angelina would surely like it known that there is always a part for Jennifer in any project she and Brad embark up together, such it the strength of their deep and lasting love.
“Brad aside, Angelina is known for her big heart,” says OK!, skilfully not confusing her with that Aniston creature.
“Brad is so good with Mad, for example,” says Jolie, “and they’ve bonded in such a beautiful way that it almost makes me want to cry – and I never cry.” Not like that Aniston person who cries all the time.
“Honesty and trust are fundamental,” says Jolie. “Brad and I have together and that’s why we’re enjoying our life together.”
It sounds, well, amazing… “I could spend hours just watching Brad enjoying his time with the kids,” says she, words that could come from the mouths of any one of us - “except I’m usually busy changing clothes or getting the kids ready for bed myself!”
Not like that Aniston woman who has no children and only has herself to think about all day and all night…
Posted: 9th, November 2007 | In: Brandgelina, Celebrities, Jennifer Aniston, Magazines, OK! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jennifer Aniston Changes Her Friends
NOTHING ages faster then the new. And so it is a blessed relief that we are not reading in the National Enquirer about Jennifer Aniston’s new hairstyle, new man or new catchphrase.
To date Jennifer has kept her hair long and her new men on script. As for the catchphrase, Jen has tried “OH MY God”, “OH-my God!”, “Oh MY God” and the challenging “OH-my-GoD!” But she has ever remained true to herself.
But now in “JEN OUT OF CONTROL”. The National Enquirer tells of Jen’s “wild partying”, “secret trysts with ex-lovers”, and her “hungry for new man.”
Plus ca change. It is refreshing to know that is world of uncertainties Jennifer Aniston remains as unwavering as a Hollywood divorcee’s expression.
Jen is always looking for love, always out at a party and always accompanied by hair that says she is worth it.
Posted: 7th, November 2007 | In: Celebrities, Jennifer Aniston, Magazines, National Enquirer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Angelina Jolie’s ‘Web Of Lies’
“ANGELINA’S WEB OF LIES,” announces the Enquirer’s front page.
Lies? Can it be that Angelina Jolie’s’s favourite word is not “Lemsip” and, as we have read in countless other oranges of record, her second best colour ever (in the whole wide world) is orange? Did she never mean the “Best wishes” she assigned to a picture proffered by Old Mr Anorak’s nurse?
These are lies told as exclamations. “!” (About Jen); “!” (OTHER LOVERS); “!” (HER FUTURE WITH BRAD!).
“Angelina has been caught telling a big lie to Brad about his ex, Jen – and it’s just one stand in a web of deceit Angelina has been weaving about her twisted double life,” says the magazine of repute.
The shock of shocks is that Angelina will not be all that willing to sit down with Jennifer Aniston, for it is ever she, and “couldn’t bear even the idea!” of meeting Brad Pitt’s former lover and wife.
And what of the children? A source says Angelina only spends a few hours with the children all day. “As soon as she sees camera,” says this insider, “Angie grabs a kid.”
Which might explain how she came to adopt three children – were they just close by when the command “Action!” was issued?
Posted: 1st, November 2007 | In: Brandgelina, Celebrities, Jennifer Aniston, Magazines, National Enquirer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Taboid Headline Of The Day: Jennifer Aniston’s Bikini Line
THE Tabloid headline of the day, as told by the National Enquirer, on the matter of Jennifer Aniston: “Her ex waxer tells all!”
Look out for the “Rachel cut” at a slon near you. Why? Because you’re worth it!
Posted: 17th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Jennifer Aniston, Magazines, National Enquirer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Orlando Blooms On Jennifer Aniston’s Beach
JENNIFER Aniston is on the front page of the National Enquirer. And in her vicinity is Orlando Bloom.
Such is the way of the Hollywood Hills, that there is every chance to believe the couple are dating, soon-to-be-collaborating on a rom-com movie and consulting the Book of Revelations for baby names.
In “ROMANCE BLOOMS”, readers see that both Jen and Orlando love the beach. Jen loves hers. Orlando loves his. And one day they may even share a beach, a possibility the Enquirer encourages with its front-page graphic.
Their relationship promises to develop into an “open romance”.
Jen and Orlando are in Mexico. They are “staring blissfully into each other’s eyes”.
They are dining on a patio in their swimsuits. They share the same manager, one Aleen Keshishan.
Who remains tantalisingly out of shot, and is very possibly on the beach…
Posted: 9th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Jennifer Aniston, Magazines, National Enquirer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jennifer Aniston And Ben Affleck Are Just Not That Into You
JENNIFER Aniston… We’d recognise that hair anywhere - on her head, on the telly on the collar of Ben Affleck’s lumberjack shirt…
Aniston and Affleck are indeed close. As the National Enquirer’s front page screams: “ANISTON & AFFLECK FLIRTING WITH DISASTER.”
And when Affleck does disaster everyone suffers – who can forget Pearl Harbor?
Trembling, we turn the page and learn that – get this – the picture is from a film Aniston and Affleck are working on together.
What price that the woman who starred in The Break Up and then Broke Up (!) with Vince Vaughn will now appear in the film He’s Just Not That Into You and find that – whoaah! – Ben is just not that into her!
A set insider tells us: “They hang out together, eat together and go off on walks tougher.”
But He’s Just Not That Into You!
A magazine has apparently banded them the “New Bennifer”.
But He’s Just Not That Into You!
“Meanwhile, Ben’s holding, kissing and even doing passionate honeymoon scenes with her!”
But He’s Just Not That Into You!
And He’s Not That Into You Too!
Posted: 3rd, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Jennifer Aniston, Magazines, National Enquirer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jennifer Aniston Rows To Pitt And Jolie
THE Third Rule of American tabloid dictates that where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie lead Jennifer Aniston must follow. And in this week’s Enquirer, Aniston is following on a surfboard.
“BRAD GEARS UP FOR CUSTODY BATTLE!” announces the Enquirer’s front page. “His plans for the kids if they split!”
Aniston is standing up. She’s holding an oar. She’s ponting in Hawaii.
Can she get to Hollywood in time to catch Pitt should he leave Jolie? Will Brad and Ange carve up the world between them, he getting the white and Hispanic children, she the black and Asian? Will Aniston blend in?
The Enquirer’s source says that should Pitt and his lover split and should he want custody of their daughter Shiloh and should a plague of frogs not descend on Beverly Hills “she would fight tooth and nail to keep her family intact”.
Looking at the Jolie oeuvre, we suggest Pitt should watch out for the Jolie heel to the throat and for the roving UN goodwill ambassador’s bony parts, of which there are several.
But what of this home life? We learn that Maddox, Child No.1, has apparently become a little spoilt. Only a little you gasp. You shut up your mouth and shake your head.
If Maddox is to survive in the Hollywood Hills, he needs to up his game. More toys for the young master. As many grasshoppers as he can eat. A night out with Kelly Osbourne must be booked.
Against this is Brad who wants to instil a sense of discipline in young Maddox.
“Angie thinks he’s too tough on Maddox, but she seethes when Brad tries to enforce any discipline,” says the source.
And here comes Aniston. She’s ready to put her oar in…
Posted: 4th, September 2007 | In: Celebrities, Jennifer Aniston, Magazines, National Enquirer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
