ON Sorry I Haven’t A Clue, Tony Hawks sings The Smiths’ Girlfriend in a Coma to the tune of Tiptoe through the Tulips:
Note: Tiptoe Through The Tulips lends itself to laughs. Scroll to the bottom to hear Tiny Tim flower walking with care.
THERE’S nothing quite like mishearing lyrics is there? Well, good news! Here’s a video, to kickstart your weekend, which looks at the hits of the 90s, which mishears all your favourite lyrics and shares them with you!
2 Become 1 by the Spice Girls takes a sinister, Operation Yewtree turn, while Britney Spears single ...Baby One More Time makes her look even more mental than usual.
Radiohead’s Creep becomes less of an anthem of disenfranchisement, and something more ‘base’.
And Hanson? Well, you’ll just have to see what they’re on about.
THE Beatles play Sack My Bitch Up at Shea Stadium, 1965. (It’s what they wold have wanted):
BEING a Beatle isn’t easy. When you’re trying to do a show, you’re met by most gussets and a wall of screams. However, in Brazil, they like to do things a bit more Biblical.
And so, to Sir Paul McCartney who played a show in South America and found himself hit by a plague of grasshoppers.
During his 3 hour gig in Goiania, Macca was bombarded by the insects. Tom Jones gets a hail of knickers, and poor old Paul gets a mouth filled with horrible bugs. But, then, he is Beatle (geddit?!).
TO the Vaccines gig at Venue Cymru in Llandudno, north Wales. Andy Bellis from Wrexham has been refused entry. The bouncers wanted to know the the name of The Vaccines’ front man and two of their albums. Failure to answer correctly would mean no entry. Says Mr Bellis:
“We queued up for a good half hour and give our tickets at the door. It seemed pretty normal. So, we’re pulled aside to get searched and the security guy asks if I know the lead singer and could I name their two albums and some songs. I couldn’t think off the top of my head so they kicked us out, took the tickets off us and said we couldn’t watch the band because we didn’t know enough information about them. I’ve made a complaint to the venue asking for a refund as there was no other reason I wasn’t allowed in.”
DISNEY’S Planes features the tune It’s More Human Than Human, by White Zombie. Planes is children’s film about Dusty, “a cropdusting plane who dreams of competing in a famous aerial race. The problem? He is hopelessly afraid of heights.” Maybe drugs can help the heavy metal lift off?
The compilation album will be a must-buy to listen to on long family car rides. The lyrics to the White Zombie track tun:
Yeah, I am the astro creep
A demolition style
Hell american freak, yeah
I am the crawling dead
A phantom in a box
Shadow in your head say
Acid, suicide freedom of the blast
Read the fucker lies, yeah
Scratch off the broken skin
Tear into my heart make
Me do it again yeah
THEY said Denise Reis could be anything… So she became a trumpet. Cue the holiday camp music:
HOW goes it with the cool kids at Coachella? Jimmy Kimmel’s pops along to tell the gang about some great band that don’t exist. Are the festival goers fans? Yep. They are:
RICHIE Havens had died. Best rememberd as the act that opened the 1969 Woodstock festival in 1969, Havens died of a heart attack in Jersey City, New Jersey. He was 72.
In this Dec. 1975 file photo, musicians Roger McGuinn, Joni Mitchell, Richie Havens, Joan Baez and Bob Dylan perform the finale of the The Rolling Thunder Revue, a tour headed by Dylan.
Richie Havens reprises his 1969 song “Freedom” at a concert at the Bethel Woods Center, Friday, Aug. 14, 2009 in Bethel, N.Y.
Woodstock ’69 veterans Melanie Safka, from, left, Judy Collins and Richie Havens get together at the Bendix Diner in New York, July 26, 1994. The trio introduced a Declaration of Civility and Kindness in honor of the Bethel ’94 concert for the 25th Anniversary of Woodstock.
Liberty Medal recipient filmmaker Steven Spielberg, left, is seen with singer Richie Havens during the medal ceremony in Philadelphia, Thursday, Oct. 8, 2009
IN I was Led Zeppelin Roadie 1971-74, one man rakes over the coals of his memory. You can almost smell the burning. After Spinal Tap’s roadie has finished recalling this and that, you can wonder about memories of Zeppelin here.
Members of the pop group Led Zeppelin and singer Sandy Denny, pose in London in September 1970 after receiving their awards in the Melody Maker Pop Poll. Led Zeppelin, John Bonham, left; Robert Plant, second from left; and Jimmy Page, right were voted top group in both British and International sections, and Robert Plant topped the British male singer section. Sandy Denny was voted Britain’s top female singer. Date: 01/09/1970
THE relationship between music and plants has been long muttered about, despite the fact plants don’t have ears. Prince Charlies plays songs to his shrubbery and even Stevie Wonder dedicated an entire LP to our flowering friends.
However, a new experiment has shown that Sir Cliff Richard’s music may actually kill our green cousins.
When you wake up in the morning with the worst hangover of your life, Metal Machine Music is the best medicine. Because when you first arise you’re probably so fucked (i.e., still drunk) that is doesn’t even really hurt yet (not like it’s going to), so you should put this album on immediately, not only to clear all the crap out of your head, but to prepare you for what’s in store the rest of the day.
Speaking of clearing out crap, I once had this friend who would say, “I take acid at least every two months & JUST BLOW ALL THE BAD SHIT OUTA MY BRAIN!” So I say the same thing about MMM. Except I take it about once a day, like vitamins.
In his excellent liner notes, Lou asserts that he and the other speedfreaks did not start World Wars I, II, “or the Bay of Pigs, for that matter.” And he’s right. If everybody took amphetamines, all the time, everybody would understand each other. Either that or never listen or bother with the other son of a bitch, because they’d all be too busy spending three days drawing psychedelic lines around a piece of steno paper until it’s totally black, writing eighty-page letters about meaningless occurrences to their mothers, or creating MMM. There would be no more wars, and peace and harmony would reign. Just imagine Gerald Ford on speed- he might manifest some glimmer of personality. Or Ronald Reagan- a blood vessel in his snapping-turtle lips would immediately burst, perhaps ridding us of that cocksucker. As is well known by now, JFK enjoyed regular injections of Meth and vitamins from happy croakers. ‘Nuff said. Hey may not have actually accomplished anything (except the Bay of Pigs- wait a minute, Lou hasn’t been doing his homework), but he had style and a winning smile.
You want it, don’t you? In 1979 Rolling Stone Record Guide’s Billy Altman called MMM “a two-disc set consisting of nothing more than ear-wrecking electronic sludge, guaranteed to clear any room of humans in record time.”
Now you really want it.
Rolling Stone magazine also compared it to “a night in a bus terminal”.
Paul Morley tells you what to expect:
Containing nothing but Lou’s all-time favourite thing – electric guitar and distorted feedback – MMM was 64 minutes of violent, spitting droning split into four vinyl sides of more or less the same cheerless, inert and shrieking length.
I predict by that time the general public will have grown ears and gotten hip enough to appreciate Metal Machine Music, so this follow-up, which I’m gonna call Triumph of the Will, will be the best-selling LP of all time and those ratfucks in Chicago can suck my asshole along with that little blob Elton John who could use some speed almost as bad as Leslie West but can’t have any of mine, because as I think it was Pat Ast said in that fabulous review of Coney Island Baby in the Soho Weekly News ‘I have seen rock’s future and its name is Lou Reed’”), a double album, you ask? Simple- the two discs are, according to Lou, symbolic of two tits (“There’s never more than two,” he explained), to signify that this is, albeit mechanized, a very sexy album designed to cut in heavily on the hot Barry White market.
Whoah! get back. You all want one:
Here’s Lou, happening:
THE Telegraph gives us this headline:
Great music is ‘as good as sex’
And illustrates it with a picture of a bird in her pajamas grinning at us under her headphones. Subtle, eh?
THE idiotic BBC has decided not to play the Ding Dong! The Witch is Dead, the tune from the Wizard of Oz reinvigorated by the anti-Margaret Thatcher. It will not feature on the Official Chart Show. All 51-seconds of it have been censored.
Radio 1 controller Ben Cooper tells the BBC:
”The decision I have made is I am not going to play it in full but that I will play a clip of it in a news environment. When I say a news environment, that is a newsreader telling you about the fact that this record has reached a certain place in the chart and here is a clip of that track.
“It is a compromise and it is a difficult compromise to come to. You have very difficult and emotional arguments on both sides of the fence.
“Let’s not forget you also have a family that is grieving for a loved one who is yet to be buried.”
ONE Direction has been dubbed into a foreign language. It’s brilliant, gurning lip-synching glory. Who knew the boys could act?
IN 1977, the world was going batty for Star Wars. Over in France, Yves Hayat, Jean-Paul Bataille and Richard Lornac formed Droids. In ’77, two of the trio (whish we can’t say) dressed as robots and shook the room with the song (Do You Have) The Force, with R2D2-styled bleeps and burrs.
THE Washington DC-based website Brightest Young Things has removed all of its content for an audit. Why? Because Logan Donaldson, the site’s managing editor “plagiarized whole sections of a 13,000-word music guide from other publications.” The article, “BYT Music Guide Spring/Summer Season 2013″, has been updated. It now reads:
All original words by: Svetlana Legetic, Shauna Alexander, Ross Bonaime, Logan Donaldson Marcus Dowling, Bryce Rudow, Alyssa Moody, Bri Younger & Shelly Bell
Ed Note: This post has been updated to include only original content produced by BYT writers. Thank you for reading and your patience.
BYT founder Svetlana Legetic is aghast and agog:
“There’s absolutely no excuses, for this. It’s a ginormous article. He was the one saddled with the music guide. We obviously don’t copy and paste from press releases. But you run out of ways to describe a new band and it gets to be 2 a.m. I’m not going to let him [Donaldson] go. He produces a lot of great original content. I’m not going to have him resign.”
SO. How did the Beach Boys sound without autotune?
WE join Singer/Songwriter Daniel Songer in a field by some trees. He is singing a song for Jesus Christ. If you look closely you can see the tress moving towards him. The ground is staring to open up. The skies above are turning dark and tumultuous. And then he ends. And nature faces forward and carries on:
REMEMBER when Robbie Williams left Take That and promptly went all ‘indie’ in a bid to be taken seriously while he stuck all manner of drugs up his conk? Well, The Fat Dancer From Take That has decided he doesn’t like indie anymore and gone mental telling everyone about it.
In a CAPScentric blog rant, Robbie lashed out at Suede’s Brett Anderson who took a swipe at pop music.