Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Kerry Katona On Sex With Charlie Sheen And Love For Lucien Laviscount
LIKE you, we were surprised to realise that the Daily Star might have been making up names to feature on Big Brother – either that or else Charlie Sheen, Snoop Dogg and Chelsy Davy were always just out out of shot.
Happily, the Star has OK! to race to its aid and assure us that brother-sister-like stars Kerry Katona and Lucien Laviscount are A-listers who can fall in love and make beautiful fly-in-the-ketchup reality TV shows.
And so it is that this week’s OK! tells us:
“LUCIEN & KERRY IT’S LOVE.”
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Posted: 14th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Dragon Den’s Duncan Ditches The Missus
Joanne McCue, now 45, was a former director of nursing at his Nursing
Homes business when they married in 2006. They have two children.
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Posted: 14th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Brian May Considered Suicide But Still Lives On In Those Clogs Of His
KEEN star-gazer and Tory brown-nose, Brian May From Queen, has admitted to irritated journalists, that he considered killing himself following the death of Freddie Mercury in 1991.
Sadly, he talked himself out of it and went on to perform the UK national anthem on top of Buckingham Palace for Her Majesty The Queen.
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Posted: 13th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)
Rihanna Models Winter Weight Leather Armani Bikini: Photos
RIHANNA is modelling for Giorgio Armani. For the Italian’s autumn/winter collection, Rihanna wears both bra AND knickers. Her leather bikini forecasts a mild winter. It;s what all teh cool kids will be wearing at Christmas in Rhyl…
Posted: 13th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Lucien Laviscount Romps With Big Sister Kerry Katona: Big Brother Incest Shocker
KERRY Katona and Lucien Laviscount are in a “4-HOUR HOTEL ROMP”. Well, so says the Daily Star in yet another Big Brother exclusive.
Jack Bellamy has news:
LOVED-UP Kerry Katona and Lucien Laviscount have reignited their Celebrity Big Brother fling.
You will recall that a fling consist of a peck on the cheek and Kerry saying she sees Lucien Laviscount as a “little brother”.
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Posted: 13th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jermaine Jackson Shocked At How Dead Michael Jackson Didn’t Look Very Well: Photos
THE JACKSONS are not a normal family. For starters, they had a belt-thrash happy pappy who tormented and bullied them ’til they sang like champions and, well, grew up warped.
Then, there’s the whole Michael thing. Michael Jackson was a man clearly unwell in the mind. And of course, his less-famous siblings were apparently keen to join him into the depths of insanery.
Why else did Jermaine Jackson named his daughter Jermajesty?
These days, Jermaine can’t decide whether to speak highly of his now dead brother, or indeed, slate him.
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Posted: 12th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
A Brief Chat With Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt In London’s Ad Hoc – WIth Molly Parkin
MADAME Arcati recalls Molly Parkin’s meeting with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in a London setting. If Hello! doesn’t piks up Parkin after this, they will have missed a rare chance. The Marquessa cannot go on forever:
MY everlasting fiancee Molly Parkin has told me of her encounter with Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and their von Trapp-like brood in a London shop the other day.
Moll had time to kill before sitting down to Almodovar’s latest movie The Skin I Live In at her local Curzon cinema in the King’s Road. ‘So I popped opposite over the road into my favourite punk boutique Ad Hoc, also known as “Boy”,’ she says. ‘I take all visitors to London to this tiny outlet – it personifies everything that Chelsea was once world-renowned for: originality, flair, theatrical excess; in direct contrast to the dire conformity of Marks & Spencer further up the King’s Road.’
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Posted: 10th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Daily Mail Photoshops Samantha Cameron Next To Gwyneth Paltrow At Vogue Fashion Do
LIES in the Daily Mail are well documented – but does the paper really think Samantha Cameron so very useless and unpopular that she needs the papers technical fakers to photoshop her stood next to Gwyneth Paltrow at Vogue’s Fashion’s Night Out?
Anorak has access to the Press Association’s images and cannot find the photo the Mail uses of SamCam and Paltrow together. Still, the Mail has. It captions the image:
Elegant: Samantha Cameron and Gwyneth Paltrow opted for classic looks at Vogue’s Fashion Night Out on New Bond Street last night.
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Posted: 9th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Brave Liver (Chopped): Mel Gibson To Make Film About Jewish Hero Judah Maccabee
JEWS! What do you make of Mel Gibson? He’s not exactly been Mr Popular with the Jews after being accused of anti-semitism when resisting arrest a while ago.
If you don’t remember, Gibbo is alleged to have yelled:
“You motherfucker! I’m going to fuck you! Fucking Jews! The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world.”
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Posted: 9th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Sad Keanu Reeves Leaks On To The Missouri Korean War Memoria
SAD Keanu Reeves has leaked off the internet and is on a poster for the Missouri Korean War Memorial:
Reddit user XshibumiX spots the leak:
“I was walking by the banner for the Missouri Korean War Memorial when something in the artist’s rendition caught my eye…”
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Posted: 9th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Petra Ecclestone’s Wedding To James Stunt Is A Triumph For British Toilets
PETRA Ecclestone has married James Stunt. She is now Petra Stunt. Hello! delves into the details.
At the pre-wedding wedding guests ate: caviar, calamari, ravioli, lamb chop and chocolate pudding. The entire do was a celebration of wonderment and the best of excess.
The menus were printed on mirrors with the names of the guests etched into them.
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Posted: 9th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Hurray! U2 To Take Break From Music! Oh No! That Means Bono Can Play Politician Again!
GODAWFUL stadium rockers U2, are going to mercifully take a break from hauling their bloated arses around the world while peddling their ditchwater rock on ravenously stupid fans.
In other words, it is safe to open your ears.
Bono, Mr G9, is waving fare-thee-well to U2’s 110-date monster tour and for the time being, he’s had enough of life on the road.
He’s promised that the band won’t be back ‘for a while’.
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Posted: 8th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (9)
The Women In Simon Cowell’s Threesome Revealed: Sex And Super-Injunctions
SIMON Cowell wants us know that he once had sex with two woman in one bed. It’s front-page news on the Sun, via which we learn:
COWELL: MY THREE-IN-BED SECRET – Night with pair of beauties was ‘cool’
The word “cool” manages to age Cowell and give us a hint at how long ago the event occurred. Moreover, this sex-sational revelation manages to remove from the front pages news that the star of Cowell’s latest ITV pap-fest Red Or Black beats up women.
It is, indeed, odd that a man who is rumoured to have shagged 2000 women has not been the subject of a single shag ‘n’ tell in the tabloids. Who needs super-injunctions? Not Simon Cowell. It is thus left to the top shagger to tell us about his fairytale life:
SIMON Cowell yesterday sensationally confessed to having a three-in-a-bed session with two mystery beauties.
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Posted: 8th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Is Rihanna Is 2011’s Sexiest Woman? You Decide
RIHANNA! You’ve pretty much seen all she has to offer, penetrative sex aside. Those leaked photos of her with no clothes on may have embarrassed her at the time, but since then, she’s blossomed into a fully blown exhibitionist.
Almost to saturation point where, sometimes, you almost wish she’d put some clothes on and stop talking about her various sexual needs.
However, she must be doing something right because she’s been declared the sexiest women of 2011!
Which poll? The poll hosted by Esquire magazine, who wanted to ask its readers the tough questions that were affecting the world right now. And thank God they’ve managed to find out who the sexiest star of the year is.
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Posted: 7th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Westboro Baptist Church Versus Foo Fighters!
WHILE the Foo Fighters have yet to kill or paste a single ‘Foo’, they’ve got a battle pressing. After they released their ‘Hot Buns’ video, they horsed around in the showers of a gas station, dressed like truckers and playing the whole homo-erotic thing for laughs.
And it is funny.
However, profoundly not-laughing are the pickled foetuses that make up the numbers at the Westboro Baptist Church who are going after The Nicest Band In Rock.
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Posted: 7th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Katie: My Magazine: Katie Price Is Now Available In Instalments
KATIE Price is now a magazine. She’s a magazine called Katie: My Magazine.
Anorak is excited at the thought that the Katie comic will come with free gifts such as My Divorce, My Pink Horsebox, My Jordans, My Nunny, My Ex Peter Andre, My Transvestite Cage-Fighter Alex Reid; My Confused Children; My Week In Ibiza, My Used Waxing Strips, My Aunt Fanny, My Dead Eyes, and My Favourite Shade of Orange.
All elements of Jordan’s life come with a fee attached. Now you can get Katie in instalments.
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Posted: 7th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Miss Universe Outrage: Colombia Needs To Wear Underpants (Photos)
CATALINA Robayo is the star of Donald Trump’s Miss Universe on account of her going out the house without her knickers on.
Anorak enjoys the words of a source telling Fox News:
“Colombia had to be spoken to and told she needed to wear underpants as what she was doing was totally inappropriate. People have been pretty upset by it; there have been photos and media appearances where she has completely had her crotch out.”
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Posted: 7th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
GQ Men Of The Year Award Winners 2011 In Photos
SAD to say Old Mr Anorak did not win the GQ Man of The Year Award, what with there being no Patron of The Year, his chances were diminished. As GQ supremo Dylan Jones tells us: “If I wanted to give an award to the man who has down the most to improve Anglo-Latvian relations in a basement club setting it would be Old Mr Anorak every time.”
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Posted: 6th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jessie Wallace Has Soap Opera Of A Honeymoon After Being Cheated On
DUM-DUM-DUM-DI-DUM-DIDIDIDDY! Kat off Eastenders, not better known as Jessie Wallace, has been having a lousy time of it lately. She was supposed to be getting married to a chap called Vince Morse, but it all went a bit Albert Square.
See, Jessie dumped Vince (hopefully via Morse code, which could’ve potentially read “..-. ..- -.-. -.- -.– — ..-“) just hours before the wedding after she found out he’d sent a dirty photo of the actress to an ex.
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Posted: 6th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Puke, Sex And Boobs: Adele Is Opening Her Mouth Again
ADELE is so hot right now. No, that’s not because she’s under five blankets and covered in VapoRub because she’s got yet another illness which has forced her to cancel some shows! We mean ‘hot’ in the figurative sense. We mean ‘she happens to be very popular at the moment in time’.
Of course, there’s fans who have been duped by her use of ‘real instruments’ and the fact she doesn’t look like one of The Saturdays into believing she’s The Real Deal and will be around forever with her ‘timeless music’, but then again, you could’ve said the same about Alisha’s Attic and no bugger remembers them.
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Posted: 6th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Keanu Reeves Is Sad On His Birthday: Photos To Make You Laugh
KEANU Reeves recently had a birthday. He had party. We’ve obtained exclusive photos of the do. It was a right tear up. Sad Keanu was there. In these picture Keanu will bring a smile to your face. If you don’t find these photos funny, Keanu will be sadder than sad…
Posted: 6th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Jane Fonda Wanted To Shag T-Shirt Model Che Guevara: The Pope Still Available
DID you know that while at a rally for goodness, Jane Fonda declared:
“My biggest regret is I never got to fuck Che Guevara.”
Aim high why don’t you, Jane. Che’s dead. If you want to shag a T-shirt model, Jane, you can have the Pope, star of Anorak’s favourite T-shirt on sale at the various shops on Oxford Street, London:
“I like the Pope the Pope smokes dope”
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Posted: 5th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
New Order To Reform Without Peter Hook
MADCHESTER, la la la. That’s the cry of a man who really ought to have a little trip to Dignitas for failing to move on with his life. His pink pallor, glowing in the summer sun poking from his knock-off parka, scuffed shell-toe Adidas worn well from waddling around Britain like a No Frills Ian Brown.
However, all is not lost for this sorry specimen because New Order are getting back together. Sadly, the man who houses him on a weekend at the derided ‘Factory 251’ club in Manchester – Peter Hook – hasn’t been invited.
Of course, New Order split for a second time in 2007 a couple of LPs, but now they’re going to play some Hookless shows as benefit for film producer Michael Shamberg, who has been rotten sick since 2005.
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Posted: 5th, September 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Freddie Mercury At 65: Video And Photos
FREDDIE Mercury would have been 65 years old today had he not died in 1991. Such fantasy landmarks are media staples – a chance to dust off a few facts and playa few songs. Tabloids have yet to imagine what the great entertainer would have done in the years since his death – such as converting to Islam (Daily Star), being cured of homosexuality (Daily Mail), taught Euan Blair to play the banjo (Daily Mirror) and sex texted Ryan Giggs (sources).
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The Trouble With Jessica Simpson’s Boobs: Photos Of A Woman Reduced
THE Sun says “sexual napalm” Jessica Simpson is having a breast reduction. The article is entitled:
“DD-Day For Jessica Simpson’s breasts.”
We learn:
A pal said: “She’s never loved having a huge chest.”
Or as Heat magazine quoted her:
“I have amazing boobs. They’re just perfect.”
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Posted: 5th, September 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
