Anorak

Celebrities | Anorak - Part 155

Celebrities Category

Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.

Bread People: Famous Dough Faces

BREAD People – for the doughy of face. for mroe photos of douihg faces head to BreadPeople.

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Posted: 18th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Britain’s Got Talent: God Makes David Hasselhoff Decorate Airplanes

BRITAIN ‘S Got Talent judge, the American Glenn Hoddle look alike David Hasselhoff, tells us that he wants to be in love:

“I want to be in love. I always try to make it last. I tried 16 years to

Posted: 17th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Imogen Thomas Has Been ‘Betrayed’ By Married Footballer

IMOGEN Thomas is the subject of The Most Loaded Headline of The Year on the cover of the Sunday Mirror.

Having been exposed shagging a married footballer for six months – a man who, as the Sun says, has …

Posted: 16th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


‘Who Killed Smiley Culture?’

THE death of Smiley Culture, aka David Emmanuel, continues to make waves. Today demonstrators were outside New Scotland Yard, marching in protest of the death of the man during a raid on his home in Surrey last month. The …

Posted: 16th, April 2011 | In: Music | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Jennifer Aniston Breast Cancer Drama: The Truth

CAN the National Enquirer beat OK! to the title of Most Disingenuous Front-Page Headline?

This week, the magazine of record has news of Jennifer Aniston:

“Jen Breast Cancer Drama!”

Posted: 15th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Rats Decide It Is Payback Time In Glee Star Matthew Morrison House

GLEE star, Matthew Morrison, has a house filled with rats who, quite rightly, have decided that he should pay for his role peddling shit in the awful warbling television smash.

While Morrison (the half-brother of soul singer Mark Morrison) has …

Posted: 15th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Zsa Zsa Gabor And Husband Are Going To Try And Have A Baby (Yeah, Like That’ll Happen)

HAVE you seen Zsa Zsa Gabor lately? If not, let us give it to you bluntly – she’s 94-years-old, is riddled with illness and only has one leg after she got the gangrene cut out of her. Okay? Now, digest …

Posted: 15th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hunting Sly Stallone’s Corduroy Bodysuit With Lisa Vanderpump And Charlie Sheen’s Wreckage

ANORAK’S Woman of The Week is Lisa Vanderpump, who turns out not be a drag act at Rubyz, but a “LA success story” profiled in Hello!.

We meet Vanderpump at her Beverly Hills home, “perched atop one of the

Posted: 15th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Victoria Beckham Choses ‘Unique’ Name For Daughter: Leprechaun Brian Beckham

VICTORIA Beckham is to name her daughter Santa, as in Santa Monica and Santa Claus.

The Sun gets a source to say:

“Posh thinks Santa Beckham has a lovely ring to it and wants something unique.”

Other unique names for …

Posted: 15th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Pepsi Drinker Beyonce Knowles Adds Sugar To Michelle Obama’s Anti-Fat Drive

MICHELLE Obama has found a cause. And her cause is to stop you from being fat. Such is the state of freedom in the USA that what you eat and how you move are the business of the First Lady. …

Posted: 14th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hayden Panettiere Chillingly Tells Everyone About Her Dad Making Her Scream As A Child

HAYDEN Panettiere will be required to do a lot of screaming in the new Scream flick, unless of course, she gets bumped off early doors like Drew Barrymore did in the first of the franchise.

And weirdly, she’s decided to …

Posted: 14th, April 2011 | In: Film | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Blue Invent Turd Pop With Inevitable Eurovision Failure!

BLUE are impressively awful. They make music for people who clearly don’t own a rudimentary ear or functioning brain cell. And making up the numbers in the band are Lee ‘Doesn’t Care About The Victims Of 911’ Ryan, Duncan ‘Looks …

Posted: 14th, April 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


William And Kate: The Film Trailer

PRINCE William and Kate Middleton are now a film trailer. We are now a film trailer.

“Against all odds” the non-black, council-house dwelling minted public school gel met the non-Jewish, non-gay minted public school boy at college and fell in …

Posted: 13th, April 2011 | In: Film | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Katie Price Pulls Out Of London Marathon, Saving Us From Seeing Her Hideously Sweating Everywhere

KATIE Price – or Jordan if you’re from the ’90s – has decided to do us all a massive favour by pulling out of this year’s London Marathon, saving us all from the awful image of her distorted face and …

Posted: 13th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Israeli Prime Minister Hates Justin Bieber Or Something

JUSTIN Bieber has slowly been revealing himself as a little superbrat. An impressive feat seeing as he’s only a matter of minutes old, still dripping in amniotic juices and placental gunk.

Rumour has it that, despite not having grown a …

Posted: 13th, April 2011 | In: Music | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


If The Gay Ricky Gervais Had Aids: A Joe Mott Daily Star Joke

JOE Mott’s column in the Daily Star Sunday features a photo of Ricky Gervais and the line:

Not being bad, but if Ricky Gervais was homosexual, you’d be wondering if he was, you know, ill. His dramatic weight loss has

Posted: 12th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Mariah Carey Is Stupid Because She Thinks Her Unborn Twins Have Different Personalities

IT must be slowly dawning on Mariah Carey that she’s not the only person on Earth who has ever had a baby. As each new stretch mark appears on her drum-taut stomach and each haemorrhoid pings like popcorn from her …

Posted: 12th, April 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Vanessa Hudgens Defends Her Skimpy Outfits In Sucker Punch

GOOD lord! Hollywood hasn’t got a history of using women as sex objects in movies… until now that is! See, the shock and scandal is that, in new action flick – Sucker Punch – Vanessa Hudgens and her costars all …

Posted: 12th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Liz Hurley Is The Wicked Queen In Kate Middleton’s Fairytale

LIZ Hurley is happy. We know this because on the cover of Hello! magazine, Liz rests her chin on a fist covered in shiny stones and says:

“I’m happy.”

Above her and to the side is a much larger photo …

Posted: 12th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Thieves Wisely Pawned Off What They Stole From Paris Hilton

THIEVES may not have been very attentive at school but they’re not daft. Think about it – when you’re locked out of your house, instead of finding inventive ways in, you stand there staring at your dying battery symbol with …

Posted: 11th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Coco Pops Sales Plummet As Jedward’s Stupid Faces Adorn Box

COCO Pops are the cereal of the cheeky monkey child. Coco The Monkey has always embodied that vague notion of wacky rebellion, essentially being the spokessimian for those sticking two fingers up at those who say you can’t eat chocolate …

Posted: 11th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Donald Trump’s Hair: A Scientific Study

DONALD Trump’s hair. Is it a ambulatory sign of the perils of making an apricot souffle? Is it a work of engineering marvels? Is it an attempt by Trump to stand out? Does Trump crave to be noticed, in much …

Posted: 9th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Kerry Katona Presents A Birth And Cocaine TV Show For Kidz

KERRY Katona wants to clear up why her kidzzzz are in her new TV Show: Super (Market) Mum, aka Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter.

Having presented readers with diary entry entitled “MY RETURN TO MUSIC”, Kerry tells …

Posted: 8th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Can Nicola McLean Make Anorexia Sexy? OK! Investigates

NICOLA McLean, a former pneumatic Page 3 has breasts that look even more out of proportion to the rest of her because she has anorexia.

On the cover of OK!, Nicola cradles her naked chest, pulls on a pair …

Posted: 8th, April 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Fugees To Reform To Remind Us How Few Hits They Actually Had

RUMOURS are floating around some imagined pop ether, noting that the Fugees may be reuniting to peddle out old hits and remind us how irritating Wyclef Jean is, how mental Lauren Hill has become and just who Pras Michel is …

Posted: 8th, April 2011 | In: Music | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0