Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
NICK Jonas, the go in alone Jonas Brother, and Cameron Mackintosh joined the gang for the after party of the Les Miserables’ 25th Anniversary performance at the O2 in London. The photos and the kisses and hugs:
Gans and his longtime friend and sidekick Lightman brought the show to the Flamingo two years ago under their Ganslight banner. The Osmonds said on September 25th that the Ganslight contract expired last week and that “we have decided not to renew that contract.
“The show will of course continue… and we hope to explore future opportunities with Chip Lightman.”
AFTER Rihanna brought her rainbow to London, Kelis arrived to perform live in concert at the Shepherd’s Bush Empire in West London. Kelis dressed as Buck Rogers in a Miss Havisham bukake contest. And the crowd loved it…
CHERYL Cole was writing her name in her new book ‘Through my eyes‘ at Waterstone’s in London. Because Cheryl is one given to crying the book is best read through goggles underwater.
As the fans waited outside in the rain – 300 silver wristbands have been given out with a further 100 gold wristbands given to the next 100 in reserve – pixie-voiced Sharon Osborne was bigging up the X Factor by picking on another of its judges, Dannii Minogue.
“I didn’t hate her because hatred is very close to love and takes a lot of emotion, and I don’t have time for her. She is like an insect – a mosquito that won’t go away.”
A mosquito! Like the one that bit Our Cheryl and gave her malaria!! Sharon, you have gone too, too, far…
P DIDDY, that renegade Diddy Man, was performing at MTV’s Diddy-Dirty Money’s first gig in the UK in a show called ‘Diddy Crashes Glasgow’. MTV cameras followed Diddy-Dirty Money in the run up to their monster MTV Crashes Glasgow gig at The Old Fruitmarket. A Fruit Market in Glasgow? Well, it did go bust.
And note: P Diddy had not one but two crosses about his neck. Did Jesus do that? Well, did he?
P. Diddy performs at MTV's Diddy-Dirty Money's first gig in the UK in ÃDiddy Crashes Glasgow'. MTV cameras followed Diddy-Dirty Money in the run up to their monster MTV Crashes Glasgow gig at The Old Fruitmarket.
JODIE Marsh cocks two phones and with Phil Tufnell and Patrick Monahan attempts to set a world record for the longest three-way phone call.
She does this while kneeling on a bed and displaying a tattoo of what appears to be a set of handlebars over her crotch – a missionary position tramp stamp – so adding to the impression that passers by at Waterloo station have stumbled across a live party wank.
It’s 09800LongRelief, an attempt to see how long you can keep going with Jodie Marsh on the other end of the blower. Thankfully Jodie’s voice is a registered contraceptive device and the only stopping the record being smashed is Tuffers pressing the off button as he slams the phone into his forehead….
TONY Curtis RIP. You were Jamie’s dad with hair like a duck’s arse. Born Bernard Schwartz to immigrant parents in New York, Curtis became a true star. Curtis was married six times – “I wouldn’t be caught dead marrying a woman young enough to be my wife.”
“I’ve been sick for most of my life, in my head. This showed itself in a lot of ways. I was insecure about women, so I wanted to go to bed with them all. I was insecure about being a poor Jewish boy. I was insecure that Hollywood never gave me an Oscar.”
How he started:
“All my life I had one dream, and that was to be in the movies. Maybe it was because I had a pretty rough childhood, or perhaps it was because I was always more than a little insecure, but as a kid I longed to see myself ten feet tall on the big screen. Through no fault of my teachers, I received almost no formal education, but after I spent three years in the Navy during World War II, the GI Bill allowed me to go to acting school on the government’s nickel. I may not have had much schooling, but it turned out I had a gift for acting. When I walked out on that stage, it felt like a hand in a velvet glove. I wasn’t scared; I wasn’t even nervous. I just loved being the center of attention, just like I’d always known I would.
Tony Curtis – do they make them like him any more? Do the agents and PRs allow it..?
MORE photos of Madonna untouched for the Dolce & Gabbana adverts have appeared online. Madonna fans may be shocked and dismayed to see that computer wizards have lightened her skin, fattened her nose and drawn thick veins on her flawless arms. Yeah, the actually wants us to believe Madonna has blood in her veins. Can you trust your own eyes anymore – let alone Madonna’s which look cracked and tired..?
THE Justin Bieber love doll can play 30-second clips of his songs and fit into your handbag. It can keep a table leg from wobbling, soak up menstrual angst and replace the Little, Jimmy Osmond Doll of your youth.
And I you want to snuggle with Bieber Doll why not do so in the confort of yout Beiber bed or bath. Bieber is now a towel and duvet cover. As Home Textiles Today says:
” Martin Novack, Lady Sandra’s ceo, told HTT the line targets Bieber’s broad fan base – which spans girls as young as 6 through college age as well as their mothers. My own daughter is 18 years old, and she and a ton of her friends love Justin Bieber,” Novack said. “We feel Justin Bieber is a real phenomenon. He is not just a license. He isn’t just some young pop star. He is a rare phenomenon.”
And so absorbent…
Here’s a selection of Bizarre Celebrity Dolls - look at them all and be amazed.
JO Wood, estranged wife of Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood is on a “pilgrimage” across India. She’s keeping her diary in Hello!. It is beyond parody.
Having flown to India and then taken a connecting flight to Coimbatore, Jo writes:
“There are dogs and cows in the road, and crazy driving. I’ve arrived.”
She has not arrived at her journey’s end, rather Jo has rocked up to her ashram.
Jo heads to a “tree graveyard”. She is saluting Project Greenhands, which raises awareness for environmental issues.
Says Jo of the jet plane:
“I plant a little tree. It’s good to know I’ve given a plant life.”
Then a vignette that stands repeating. Green Jo is now in a car:
“…we pass a little old lady whose bent double as she shuffles along the road. Her flip-flops are worn through so I take off mine and give them to her. Her face lights up. It’s puts life into perspective for me. A pair of flip-flops means nothing to me, but to her they mean everything.”
TARA Palmer-Tomkinson wants to show you Hello! readers her new villa in Bali: Villa Tara. It’s a slice of heaven, with simple foreigners happy to serve the white lady:
“Every day the Balinese staff, who are the most gentle and joyous people, come in with offerings and make a little temple and bless the villa.”
It’s much the same among the gentle people of London who tend to Old Mr Anorak’s every whim without complaint and ever a smile. But London can be mean place if you have the wrong staff, says TP-T:
“It gets very wearing, feeling like you are picked on every time you go out.”
Can the showbiz pals help you, Tara?
“The day those pictures were published (of TP-T’s cocaine-damaged nose), my dear friend Rupert Everett called me up and said, ‘Come on, TP. Come out to dinner.’ He’s such a love, Rupert. We’re very alike in many ways; he has a vulnerability, a fragility and, like me, he’s been through a lot. I as wailing down the phone, ‘It’s not true – my nose hasn’t fallen off!’”
PETER Andre has heard the comments and launched his new fragrance Mysterious Girl.
Peter has already brought to market his scents Conditional and Unconditional.
As Peter knows, as we age our odour changes. The smell of nutmeg and warm butter in newborns fades to antiseptic cream and pencil lead in our childhood, which gives over to dried emissions in our adolescents and then unlaundered sheets in our twenties.
One day Peter will bring us the small of bottled cat’s wee and cabbage in Penzions. But for now it is Mysterious Girl, a scent “inspired” by Peter’s song of that name.
CHLOE Heald, aka Chloe Mafia, is the nation’s sweetheart. The star discovered on the X Factor is now moved on to better things. But what about anyone looking to be a Chloe Mafia impersonator? Well, here are some contenders – people and things that look like Our Chloe. Featuring: Jodie Marsh, Ralph Little, Alice Cooper, a Yorkshire Terrier, Yasmin Brazt and…
CHLOE Mafia, the nation’s sweetheart is on This Morning. Says the women with the backstory of Jade Goody, the cocaine-encrusted nose of Kerry Katona, the style of Katie Price, the hair of an excitable Yorkshire terrier and tattoos classier than Cheryl Cole’s:
“No, right, this is the situation. I have never taken money for sex, that’s not what I do. What I do is called paid to party, where you get paid to go out with a group of people do dancing, do different things, you do not sleep with anyone for money, that’s not the situation. If they wanted that, they would just call it an escort agency.”
VIVIAN Mackerrell was the inspiration for the character Withnail in the film Withnail and I. Mackerrell was a resting actor who once lived in Camden, London, with Withnail writer and director Bruce Robinson.
Mackerrell is to be the subject of a biography by Colin Bacon. He’s found some photos of his muse. Says he:
“For a time it looked like Vivian would do well. He got two or three good parts and there was certainly something about him.”
Mackerrell died of throat cancer aged 51. His final words before he died were:
“Give me a f*cking pre-med you f*ckers, I’m a personal friend of Sir Lancelot Spratt.”
WE went to the Orange RockCorps show at the Royal Albert Hall to see Ben Drew aka Plan B, Dappy and Tulisa of N-Dubz, Mark Ronson, Taio Cruz and Pendulum. The concerts defy cynicism. You can’t buy a ticket. You can’t win a ticket. You have to earn a ticket giving 4 hours to a charity. The grandstanding corporation wins. The charity wins. The bands win. And the fans win. We get the photos: