Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
EVA Longoria Parker, star of US telly show Desperate Housewives was in The Perfume Shop in Westfield, west London, to launch her new fragrance ‘Eva’. For reasons unspecified, Eva is served in a bottle shaped to look like a pink spark plug.
Why not a nose leaning over a garden fence, a net curtain moved aside in a window or a notched bedpost? Opportunities have been missed.
Given that the back of her neck says “Mrs Cole”, might Chezza’s new ink be an arrow that says “ignore the above?” But does she have a new tattoo, right? Cheryl has recently recovered from malaria – would going under the a tattooist’s needle be wise?
At leasy we can be sure that Derek and Cheryl are no more, right? Or as the Star says:
CHERYL Cole and hunky dancer Derek Hough are set to seal their romance with a tattoo of a pair of lovebirds.
YOKO Ono spent a part of today sat in the front room of John Lennon’s former home in Mendips, Liverpool, as a kind of living exhibit. Lennon lived in the house with his Aunt Mimi and Uncle George from 1945-1963. He’s dead now. But Yoko lives.
She called in to the house after meeting Sure Start members at John’s old school, Dovedale School. The kids waved and cheered. Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh! They’ve no idea who the weird old lady is but she got them time off class! Cheers, John!
But how to get the nippers back inside the classroom? Yoko… How about a song?
WE went to see Led Zeppelin frontman and his hair – look, Troy Polamalu – big curls with no safety net! – Robert Plant and the Band of Joy perform at The Forum in Highgate, north London. He rocks. He rolls. And the hair works its magic…
PARIS Hilton says the purse in which, allegedly, cocaine was found was not hers. It was cheap. And she is not cheap (see production values on porn vid). But does the purse she was seen with at the time of her latest arrest look like the one she showed fans on Twitter Pic back in July 2010?
JLS have never declared war on anyone – to the best of our knowledge. But they still managed to cause a commotion as the lads signed copies of their new book, Just Between Us: A Private Diary. Outside Selfridges in London an ambulance stood by. No, not to take away Tony Blair, that failed pop star for whom no-one weeps for joy. The van was there to help the swooning victims of Jonathan ‘JB’ Gill, Marvin Humes, Ortise Williams and Aston Merrygold of JLS. As they say at the JLS stampede, “Tony who..?”
THE Leeds Festival 2010 in Pictures: the best photos of the festival include shots of Mumford and Sons, Gogol Bordello, Guns n’ Roses, Marina and the Diamonds, Adam Green, Pulled Apart By Horses, Foxy Shazam, Pendulum, Enter Shikarim Gallows and the fans…
WHEN Kelly Brook is not getting her breasts out for Playboy, she’s joining the Mayor of London Boris Johnson on a tandem. Kelly, you may be surprised to know, rode on the front.
It’s not to promote Kelly, rather to bring to our attention the London Skyride, which allows cyclists to view the famous landmarks in the capital, on roads that will be closed to all traffic, except bicycles this coming Sunday September 5.
ELIN Nordegren has divorced hole chaser Tiger Woods and wants to tell Hello! readers all about it, as she first told readers of People magazine. This is the same interview being passed off by Hello! as an Elin “exclusive”.
Elin is the “fiercely private golden girl”. Elin is now worth a rumoured $100million dollars, as part of the divorce settlement. That kind of money can secure a lot of privacy.
“Money can’t buy happiness, but I have to honest: it is making some things easier.”
Elin tells us of her love for Tiger and how, having seen her parents’ divorce, the golfer made her “believe in love again”. The highlights of the interview are hereunder:
PARIS Hilton has turned her back of slutiness and embraced drugs, allegedly. Inside Ms Hilton’s purse, Las Vegas’s finest found a small quantity of cocaine.
Reports are that she plans to tell the courts that the purse was not hers. But Paris seems set on returning to jail, perhaps to redecorate.
In July, while holidaying in Corsica she was found with under a gramme of marijuana in her handbag. At the World Cup in South Africa, Paris mate took a joint to the Brazil-Netherlands quarter-final match.
For those of you who were unsure what Paris Hilton did, the socialite’s summer school is an education. With plenty of time for holiday reading and to catch up on news in newspapers left around the pool, people are lapping up news of Paris.
KATY Perry was recently seen judging hapless singers on the X Factor. She was sat next to Simon Cowell’s lip-syncing clockwork soldier Cheryl Cole, who gets by on a combination of good looks and folksy charm.
Perry, on the other hand, can really sing and entertain. We spotted her on stage at New York’s “Splash” bar.
THE Leeds Festival Day 1 Photos: Carl Barat and Pete Doherty of The Libertines did their impression of Morecambe & Wise, Enter Shikari menaced, Pendulum hung, Coco Sumner of I Blame Coco never once mentioned her dad (hit dad!) and Frank Carter of Gallows drove one section of the crowd into a frenzy that was not entirely drugs induced…
THE Reading Festival is an opportunity to look at the bands in action – but ultimately it’s a chance to look at girls dressed in shorts playing in the mud. It’s going to rain at the weekend. The tabloids will be handing out thin cotton T-shirts…
ROBBIE Williams and Gary Barlow posed for our pictures at the BBC Radio 1 offices. They were in London to witness the first broadcast of the track Shame, which the reconciled artists recorded as a duet. This is the first time they collaborated in 15 years. They fell out after Williams left boyband Take That in 1995. But how time has changed them. They look old. They look really old. They look Stone Age old. It’s no longer Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow – it’s Fred Flinstone and Barney Rubble. Aydaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AMY Winehouse watched Pete Doherty and the Libertines perform at the Forum in Highgate, London, last night. She stood on the balcony as the band serenaded. It was a good show – Pete looked like a slim Pauline Quirke, Carl Barat played on and Amy pulled faces and beamed with the whitest teeth. Your snapper took photos. It was a fun night.
The Libertines foursome had appeared on stage to the sound of Vera Lynn’s We’ll Meet Again. At the end of the show, Doherty chucked his harmonica into the crowd. If you caught it, you might want to wait until you’re not operating a motor vehicle or machinery before putting it near your mouth…
WHILE you are enjoying a staycation in the British monsoon seasons, Beyonce Knowles is taking the waters on a gin palace called Altitude. It’s a 180-foot Italian Benetti yacht. It costs $377,000 a week to hire. Or you can buy it for €29.5 million.
The ship has six cabins, a gym, a Jacuzzi, a Laser Pico sailing dinghy , 3 x sets waterskis, a five-man banana, Beyonce and Jay Z.
* Launched in the year of 2003 her interior decoration illustrates the capabilities of Stefano Natucci. Superyacht ALTITUDE is able to accommodate up to 12 guests with 14 qualified crew. This large motor yacht has a helicopter platform. Her old, former or build project names were (Benetti Fb) Amnesia Ii. She is able to attain a maximum speed of 16 knots.
FORMER Big Brother winner and Happy Mondays lead percussionist Bez, aka Mark Berry, has been jailed. No, not in the Big Brother house with Makosi et al. He’s in a real jail with real CCTV.
Berry who had always seemed destined to play Smike in Nicholas Nickleby – The Musical, had accused one Monica Ward, the mother of his two-year-old son and lead singer in his band Domino Bones, of stealing his money. He became upset and throttled her.
Before the Beak at Manchester Magistrates court, Bez is given a community order for an assault he already been found guilty of. He is also ordered to pay £450 in costs. He declines to comply. Adding:
“I’m not doing it. Bothered. I’m going to appeal and take this to a real court.”
ANORAK’S Canadian pal Marc Mysterio – billed as Scadinavian by Tila Tequila – is currently suing Brandy Norwood. Mysterio has filed a lawsuit with the Los Angeles Superior Court, alleging that Brandy Rayana Norwood agreed to perform and write music for him. And then didn’t.
Mysterio has handed us proof of the contract he claims she broke.
KERRY Katona will now tell OK! readers about her fifth child. As the headline states:
“KERRY SPEAKS ONLY TO OK! ABOUT HER FIFTH CHILD”
The Star and its sister organ OK! have tapped into a rich vein of news we call the Maybe Baby. First Katie Price declared she was not pregnant. Then Abbey Clancy declared, via a source, that she might get pregnant one day. And now mum-of-four Kerry Katona wants to tell us about the child she has yet to conceive in anything but her dreams.
This is “HER SHOCKING NEWS”.
We meet Kerry in Marbella, where she’s being squirted by two young children in swimsuits. One is chubby and a bit ginger. The other is blonde and thinner. Chances are their guns are full of vegetable dye (Swede/Carrot No.6 Blend). Kerry is orangey-brown stood on her tip-toes.