Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
ZAC Efron slapped on a moustache and a hair strap about his chin for the UK premiere of Charlie St. Cloud, at The Empire Cinema in Leicester Square. The face hair and the three-piece suit make Zac look like a woman from the 1980s doing irony at a Tootsie convention. And the hair..? We knew one day that Donald Trump’s tsunami wave would catch on. That day is now. Catch the wave, dudes…
THE more you see and hear of Katy Perry the harder it is to keep liking her. You need to almost constantly remind yourself that she is the reason Russell Brand no longer lives in the UK. But in the long term even this gift to the people of Britain might not enough. Perry was at her high school in Santa Barbara. The hymn-singing, cock-teasing singer then spotted Shane Lopes in the crowd. Who he?
“Is that Shane Lopes? You were the most popular kid in my class! But you never wanted to date me, it was always Amanda Wayne. Oh yeah, you really chose right honey. What’s up? What’s up now, player? I’m going to dedicate this next one to Shane Lopes everyone. “
CHANTELLE Houghton and Sam Preston are on a “SECRET HONEYMOON”. It’s so secret that there is no sign of the Big Brother stars ever getting remarried.
In this week’s OK!, integrity-hunting Preston told us about his American girlfriend. Having read the front-page headline that Preston and Chantelle were “BACK TOGETHER”, the actual story turned out to be that they were back together not in bed and in love but in OK!.
GEORGE Michael is in jail. And having lashed him with a dose of homophobia, the Sun now leads with the headline: “GEORGE SOBS ON PAEDO WING” The signers is staying on Pentonville prison’s Vulnerable Prisoners Unit.
It’s petty standard procedure to put a new inmate on a wing where he can be closely monitored. But to the Sun this is the place wher paedophiles are caged. Tom well then delivers the line:
Michael was offered the opportunity to mingle on the wing with his grisly fellow inmates.
In the Mirror Derek McGovern suggests “Greek soap-dropper George Michael” will save his mingling until shower time. That will when the star washes with the paedos, right, readers? As for those grisly inmates, well…
In the most harrowing 12 minutes of his first full day, Michael – aka prisoner A8365AW – was escorted to the shower block to the relentless chants of “Guilty George has got no Freedom”.
Not a bit of it. The most harrowing part of Michael’s days would have been reading an open letter from Tony Parsons:
Dear George… Jail will be a wake up call for you – and we both know you have been sleepwalking for years. In the leafy little corner of North London where we both live, your drug-addled behaviour has long been a bit of a joke.
It’s Me And George. Can Parsons be arrested and locked up for muscling in on the story?
I struggle to recognise you as the decent, good -humoured, fresh-faced kid I first met more than 25 years ago. Time changes us all, of course – but that teenage boy in Wham! would have been sickened at the podgy, fog-eyed old wreck that you have become. Come in, George Michael – your time is up.
The tabloids are going to town. Over in the Sun, readers see a mock up of Michael’s prison cells, because they are unable to imagine what one might look like. But it turns out that it’s just another chance to take the piss out of Michael’s sexuality.
He is watching Louis Spence on the telly. Spence is TV’s latest tame camp gay. Michael says he watches daytime telly and soaps. But he is gay and that means he must watch gay people, just as straight people only watch straight people, lesbians only watch lesbians and adolescent boys tune into Countdown.
In four weeks time, Michael will be out of jail and the same papers that attack him will want his story. If he has any dignity left, he should ignore them…
VICTORIA Beckham is chatting with OK! about fashion and being a fashion victim – which she isn’t:
“When I dress in a certain way it’s not to get attention”
“I’ll try on all my dresses and I’ll pick out a handbag and I’ll put on the shades. I instantly turn into this person and it sort of feels like a character. And there are so many pictures of it. But it’s a true character because it’s sill me.”
Are you a fashion victim?
“I wouldn’t say that I’m a fashion victim at all… Of course heels make my feet hurt. Absolutely! I’m not going to lie…”
EVA Mendes pouted to good effect at the London Premiere of The Other Guys. The film is the top draw at the US box office. It stars Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg doing the police drudge works for super cops Dwayne Johnson and Samuel L Jackson. The lower life forms then stumble on the biggest crime of the age. And… Well, you know the rest.
But did you know that Eva Mendes has had sex in all 50 states of the UAA? Well, she has:
“I’ve had sex in all 50 states. A lot of it was on a road trip I took when I was younger.”
TO Oxford Count Court, where TV sports presenter Jim Rosenthal was pursuing a civil action against chef Heston Blumenthal after he got food poisoning at the TV chef’s Fat Duck restaurant last year.
Rosenthal and his guests became ill after eating jelly oysters served as part of a food and wine-tasting evening at the “prestigious” restaurant. Rosenthal and his wife, boxing promoter Frank Warren and three other guests lashed out £1,346.33 on a “gastronomic evening” in February 2009. In all 529 diners thought Blumenthal’s dinners so good they tasted them again on the way up.
District Judge Tim Parker tossed out the case. Rosenthal lost. The sports presenter and his dinner companions had already received £6,000 compensation for pain suffered in the wake of the meal.
Rosenthal is as sick as a parrot – or as a Blumenthal oyster.
AN Interview with The Wanted at the help For Heroes Concert.
It’s all a bit gauche – “We are proper international stars ” (Hello, Wales!) and the cause is a “bit relevant” to two of the band”.
But The Wanted can do little wrong:
The Wanted are managed by Global, owners of the radio stations Heart, Galaxy, 95.8 Capital FM, LBC, Classic FM, Gold and Xfm. The charts are shaped by airplay as well as sales. And The Wanted have been on the radio lots.
CHRISTINA Hendricks, the mould for modern womanhood who forgot to say ‘when‘ as she was poured out, has lost her legs. Well, she lost them in 2007, in a GQ photoshoot but some mad reason no-one noticed.
Hendricks, the star hit TV show Mad Men, also has only one eye, three thumbs on her left hand and a tattoo on the back of her neck that says “Mrs Anorak”…
THE BGC Partner’s 6th Annual Charity Day raises money in memory of colleagues who died in the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center in New York. BGC is associated with Cantor Fitzgerald, the firm that saw than 658 of its staff murdered.
Mayor of London Boris Johnson uses telephones on the trading floor during the BGC Partner's 6th Annual Charity Day, at Churchill Place in Canary Wharf, east London.
Celebrities working the phones were many. Some had one phone – The Cheeky Girls, Nicola Roberts, Tony Christie, Elen Rives, Roger Daltrey, Kenny Dalglish, Cilla Black, Princess Michael of Kent, David Mellor, Samantha Fox, Ken Livingstone, Cilla Black, David Coulthard, Amanda Holden and Honor Blackman. Some had two -Penny Lancaster (picture 4′s a keeper) Johnny Vaughan andLisa Snowden. But only Jonathan Ross and Boris Johnson worked three phones.
IN Photos the MTV VMAs – that’s Video Music Awards, you, squares – rival the Eurovision song contest for precociousness, pomposity, vanity and vapidity.
Stick a Danish flag on Kanye West’s red suit and he’d get douche points (no typo) and laughed at.
Taylor Swift’s moribund retort to West’s taking her award last year would have had more meaning had she sung it in Russian and sat before a video of the Finnish border at midnight. And Justin Bieber looks like he should be hanging on a chain from Lady Gaga’s throat.
But because we like Eurovision, we like the VMAs. Here are the pictures of all your favourites, plus the tosspots you love to hate:
THE Liberace Museum, tucked into a strip mall of East Tropicana Avenue two and half miles from the Las Vegas Strip, will close on October 17th, after 31 years in business, writes Anorak’s Man in LA.
The announcement came on Friday, the week in which a performer known as Prince Poppycock moved to the America’s Got Talent finals after performing in a red-white and blue shortpants outfit that was surely a tribute to Liberace’s star-spangled hotpants, and the month in which Michael Douglas, who is set to portray the flamboyant showman in a biopic directed by Steven Soderburgh, began treatment for throat cancer.
“…The papers would say it last snowed in Las Vegas in 1990. Wayne and I were in town for that last storm. We’d just arrived to shoot ‘Vegas Week’ material for A Current Affair. That was when Wayne got Maureen to dress up as a showgirl and I shot a piece on the Liberace Museum that we promoted as the discovery of the little known ‘Mrs. Liberace.’ The story was true. She was his sister-in-law.”
Jeffrey Koep, chairman of the Liberace Foundation board of directors, says:
“When this started 30-some years ago, Lee was still a name. Keeping that brand alive has been very difficult. When Liberace passed away, no one really did what they did with the Presley estate. If you turn on XM Radio, you’re going to see a Sinatra station, you’ll see an Elvis station. When you look at Liberace, his music is well-played, interpreted by a real talent. But it isn’t kept alive the way Elvis or Sinatra’s is.”
PRESTON and Chantelle Houghton have reunited following their stint on Ultimate Big Brother. And, according to the Star, they have endured a “24 Hour LOVE IN”.
This follows yesterday’s news in the Star that Chantelle was going to keep Preston waiting for sex. As we were told:
CHANTELLE Houghton and Preston were giving their relationship another go last night – but sex is off the menu.
But this might not be the most cynical PR-driven story in the paper today. Before we reach loved-up Chantelle and Preston, the Star has news that Amanda Holden will not be ditched as a judge on Britain’s Got Talent because she is just too popular with the masses.
A BGT “insider” tells readers:
“She’s Mrs BGT. Fans love her.”
BGT might stand for Botox-Grinned Trollop (which might be the secret of her success), but facts are facts.
AT the Help for Heroes concert at Twickenham, we spotted Prince Harry. And he spotted us. If looks mean anything, this one spoke of love. A brutal love in which one of us gets our face kicked in by minders. But, nonetheless, it was the look of love. We also spotted Robbie Williams, Gary Barlow, Alexandra Burke, Peter Kay, The Wanted, The Saturdays,Tom Jones, Pixie Lott. and Bruce Forsyth. We took photos of them too…
RONNIE Wood says he once smoked a meringue. Food might not the drug you’d first associate with the Rolling Stones’ mascot, and he his tried to cover his tracks by saying that he thought it was crack cocaine.
Too late, Ronnie. You’ll be on Ready Steady Cook by his time next week and chatting about health and fat with Jamie Oliver.
“It got to the point where I would be on my hands and knees looking for crumbs that might have fallen out of the crack pipe. I even banned my children eating meringues in the house after I ended up smoking sugar, believing it to be cocaine.”
RICKY Hatton. Is he related to Kerry Katona? Is Hatton Katona’s brother, separated at birth? Well, there’s a question.
And since you’re asking, and Hatton has been accused of embarking on a drugs and drink binge – and don’t forget those battles with weight – let’s take a look at the Hitman, accused of taking a hit or seven of cocaine, and the life of La Katona, face of supermarket ownbrand ketchup…
JUSTIN Bieber has not been arrested. It’s a big day for no news. And following the news that Pastor Terry Jones did not burn a Koran on the day that remains International Burn a Koran Day, we learn that Justin Bieber was not arrested.
But you want to know what Bieber did not to get arrested for. Well, he lobbed a water balloon at a state trooper and hit him below the belt. Story goes that Bieber had been chucking water on people’s nether regions all day. Why? Well, when you’re so young and just moving out of pull ups you want to blend in.
So. Would Bieber’s show at the Maryland State Fair on Sunday be cancelled as the little one is admonished and sat on the naughty step? No. Everything is fine. He is not arrested.
WAYNE Rooney and Coleen Rooney, currently embroiled in claims that the Manchester United ace has shagged Jennifer Thompson and Helen Wood (NSFW photos), have issued a joint statement in which they say the “last six days have been extremely painful for us and for our families“.
They then blame the media for adding to their pain:
“It is impossible for us, as it would be for any family, to attempt to resolve any issues in the current media glare and against the backdrop of so many inaccurate and intrusive stories.
“We would therefore ask that the media now respects our privacy and the right of our family to discuss these matters in private.”
Privacy? This would be the same Rooney family who appear on the cover of Hello! for Coleen to tell us in June 2010:
“I like surprises and sometimes Wayne will spring things on me, like he’ll say: ‘Come on, let’s got out for dinner – go and get ready’”
Chances are that Coleen does not like all surprises – just the good ones.
Wood is, reportedly, the other woman who shagged Wayne Rooney in a lesbian threesome with Jennifer Thompson. The Manchester United player got Wood in a package deal, allegedly.
NSFW Video: Wayne Rooney’s Jennifer Thompson Sex Tape
Helen is 23 and a single mum. Wayne’s own wife, Coleen Rooney, is not a single mum – yet – but she will surely take it a boost to her confidence that her husband might not only shag childless women but someone whose body has been through childbirth.