Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
NAOMI Campbell – currently embroiled in a case involving child slavery and rape (she’s innocent) – and Rob Lowe – the actor who was involved in an underage sex tape scandal - are two of the big names lending their support to a BodyShop campaign to Stop Sex Trafficking of Children and Young People. Also doodling a hand to end children being pimped and raped by paedophiles are Jamie Oliver Robert Pattinson, Katie Melua, Matt LeBla and Joanna Lumley. But whose hand is whose? Can you works it out.?
NAOMI Campbell is on trial in the tabloids for being so attractive that a man gave her diamonds in the dead of night. Not only did she not shag her Milk Tray Man, she never even got to know that his name was, allegedly, Charles Taylor and he is wanted for rape, murder, slavery and other crimes. Campbell got away with her life and “dirty little stones” (she handed them to charity). Mia Farrow says Campbell is a liar who knew Taylor gave her a big rock, a so-called blood diamond.
DOLPH Lundgren, Jason Statham and a mannequin dressed to look like Sylvester Stallone trod the damp read carpet for the UK premiere of The Expendables at the Odeon, Leicester Square, London. Then Leslie Phillips stuck his finger up his nostril – his own.
The film is about a bevy of mercenaries trying depose a ruthless dictator somewhere in South America. Things unravel and – yadda yadda yadda – bombs – yadda – death – yadda – chests and massive veins…
Dolph Lundgren, Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham (left to right) arriving for the UK premiere of The Expendables at the Odeon, Leicester Square, London.
For reasons not entirely clear, befor the premiere Lundgren and Statham took their Stallone of Wax to meets troops from the Princess of Wales Royal Regiment, at the Wellington Barracks in London. All got to hold massive guns and meet actual soldiers.
Stallone looked like he was made of chocolate and would melt in the white heat to battle. Good job he’s an actor…
THE Manic Street Preachers secret gig photos show Nicky Wire working the nautical theme and, James Dean Bradfield in Anorak’s own-brand Comfi-Slax (for the full-figured rocker). The Hammersmith Working Men’s Club in west London was packed like it was 1926 and there were people who actually went to working men’s clubs. The revolution, however, can wait until the Manics’ new album ‘Postcards From a Young Man’ is fully plugged…
The Manic Street Preachers, James Dean Bradfield (centre) and Nicky Wire (right) performing a secret gig to launch their new album 'Postcards From a Young Man', at Hammersmith Working Men's Club in west London.
JORDAN was last night relieved of her duties as a roving ambassador for the Spiny Friends Hedgehog Hospital. Since undergoing treatment for alcohol and fame addiction, the voluptuous model has thrown herself into her charity role. On this occasion, however, she threw herself too hard.
JENNIFER Aniston is exactly what would happen to Barbra Streisand if she mojo-ed her hair, got a few new noses, had never hit a note, never had children, leant to cup her naked breasts and look sexless and wasn’t shagging Brad Pitt.
Harper’s Bizarre spotted the spooky similarities and Jen agreed to appear as Streisand in the pages of the esteemed organ. Jen piled up her hair, flashbacked to an old nose and began to talk:
Aniston has learnt from Barbra that: “You don’t have to stop at one thing. You can do it all if you want to.”
You might not do it all well. But you can do it all. Neither woman has invaded Bolivia, worked as doctor or ridden a donkey to Mecca. But they can – and is what matters.
NAOMI Campbell says she was given a “Gift Of Dirty-Looking Stones”.
If approached by a dirty looking Stone it is advisable to shag him…
At a war crimes trial in the Hague – in teh dock one Charles Taylor - Campbell says:
“When I was sleeping I had a knock at my door and I opened my door and two men were there and gave me a pouch and said: ‘A gift for you’. I saw a few stones in there. Very small, dirty-looking stones. There was no explanation, no note.”
NAOMI Campbell has been giving evidence to the war crimes trial of former Liberian leader Charles Taylor at the Special Court for Sierra Leone in The Hague. Campbell is said to have received a “blood diamond” from Taylor, who faces charges including criminal responsibility for murder, rape, sexual slavery and the use of child soldiers. Had Taylor only given Campbell a diamond-encrusted mobile phone and then got on the wrong side of her, things may have been different. The Blood Diamond-Coated Phone Case was the one that got away…
INTRODUCING Caroline Giuliani, daughter to former would-be President of the USA Rudy Giuliani, and now an alleged shoplifter. The allegation is that she stole items from the Sephora beauty store on New York’s 86th and Lexington.
Maureen O’Connor muses on why a rich girl might have gone it, but doesn’t work the fame angle. Caroline is now famous. And fame is good.
In New York, being famous can get you lots of free stuff…
Stevie G - England captain
“I grabbed a few pens and paper from Woolworths and made a dash for the door but the security guard grabbed me.” Go on. “I thought it was all over. I thought the club would drop me. And I was convinced the school would expel me.” And where would Steven be today without GCSEs?
AMY Winehouse draped herself about the neck of current prop Reg Traviss in the manner of Great Aunt Josie’s moth-eaten ostrich-feather scarf and hobbled along to the opening to the Shaka Zulu eatery in Camden’s Town’s Stables market. The rest of the ostrich was seared on platters, along with Kudu and Marinated Springbok. Also there was dislikeable pro-celeb hoofer Brendan Cole, a Zoe Hobbs, His Majesty King Goodwill Zwelithini, King of the Zulu nation, his wife and Sophie Anderton, the former coke head and reality TV fodder who once charged £15k for 120 Seconds Of Sex. Winehouse and Anderton versus the Zulu King. It’s the thin white line all over again, allegedly…
BARBARA Windsor was with her umbrella wallah and husband Scott Mitchell as went to London’s Guidhall to collect her Freedom of the City of London award. With the gong come the rights – Windsor can now legally driver her sheep across Tower Bridge, wear a Magic Roundabout Doogle toy on her head and sing ‘Cheeky Sorta’ Bird‘ at the top of her voice while exercising her chests in Stanmore…
THE Wanted are at Number 1 in the hit parade and singing a song in London’s Westfield shopping centre. The Wanted are managed by Global, owners of the radio stations Heart, Galaxy, 95.8 Capital FM, LBC, Classic FM, Gold and Xfm. The charts are shaped by airplay as well as sales. And The Wanted have been on the radio lots. So, without further ado, here is The Wanted, the sure thing you can bet to be a smash hit. He are Max George, Siva Kaneswaran , Tom Parker , James McGuiness and little Nathan Sykes. The suits are cheering wildly. Take it away, lads…
The current Miss England, Lance Corporal Katrina Hodge, was soon inspecting this year’s crop, among them Stephanie Pywell, the current Miss Newark who is also the current Great Britain high jump champion.
Who wins and takes the change to run the gauntlet in the televised world show, in which the winner is the one agile enough to walk through a Tokyo train without being frotted, scale the Spanish Steps while not being goosed and being the most shaggable to the viewers at home…
CAMP Bestival 2010 In pictures: We spotted Mark E.Smith of The Fall proving that chemical additives need not always be preserving agents, Tinie Tempah (aka Little Strop), Annie Mac and Toddla T, the lead singer of the Friendly Fires working the 80s fist, someone pretending to be the Human Leagues’ Paul Oakey, a Calvin Harris, Rob Da Bank (not his real name), The Hurt, Lissie, Madness, who now resemble their own tribute act, and Roger Stilgoe impersonator Tim Minchin…
CHRISTINA Hendricks, Mad Men’s Joan Holloway – the epitome of the coalition female – is seen at age 17 posing for a photo in Matrix, her school magazine at Fairfax High School in Virginia. Yep, without the golden globes and the red hair, Hendricks is pretty hard to pick out.
KERRY Katona is accusing her ex – the one to whom she is still married – of stalking her. The ex is “MARK CROFT” and Kerry says he “nearly killed me”.
Says the Star:
KERRY Katona was reeling last night after her ex-husband began behaving like an obsessed lovesick stalker.
Why bother stalking Katona. Thanks to a decent agent and a complaint Daily Star, Crofty can folly Kerry’s every move in the news media. Today, for instance, Kerry is blonde and pushing her chest against a strip of oak veneer.
Says the Star:
Now he claims he will win her back, and that Kerry is still besotted with him and often phones for chats. He admitted: “I’ll be in love with her until I die.”
Kerry is “horrified” and “sickened” by his claims. As she says:
“I love him because he is the father of two of my children. But I will never, ever go back to him.”
So those “bizarre” claims are based on a fact? A fact that Croft told something called Star magazine, an organ that comes free with OK! and is published by the same firm that published the, er, Daily Star. As Croft said:
“I know Kerry is still in love with me. She said to me when we first split: ‘Mark, I will always love you till the day I die.’ She said: ‘Mark, I am being truthful, I have got feelings for you.’ So I am presuming she’s still got them.”
No need to presume when you have a tabloid press to create a non-story and then fill in the gaps…
TV presenter and singer Kerry McFadden presenting ITV's new series 'Britain's Sexiest'. 07/12/04: The former Atomic Kitten, who has reverted to her maiden name, is rebuilding her life after the break-up of their marriage. Kerry Katona has spoken about her split from husband Brian McFadden and declared: "I want a new man for Christmas.
DID you know that Derek Hough saved Cheryl Cole’s life? The Mirror says Hough called “999” when Cheryl took ill. Yes, he had previously taken married Cheryl to Tanzania, where it is thought she caught malaria. But that was Cheryl Cole. The Mirror says this woman’s name is Cheryl Tweedy. Although it isn’t.
But the story goes that Hough called the emergency services. As we learn:
Cheryl Tweedy has revealed that she owes her life to boyfriend Derek Hough.
The X Factor star says a medical blunder left her just hours from death, and she only pulled through after dancer Derek told medics to carry out further tests… which showed she had malaria.
Hough is pronounced Hoff, as in David Hasselhoff. Derek Hough is the new Mitch Buchanan. He’s not, reportedly, dating a married woman. He’s saving her life:
Cheryl told a friend: “Derek saved my life. If he hadn’t spoken out to the doctors and told them he thought something was seriously wrong I would probably have died.”
JOE McElderry is gay. Yeah, the big-toothed singer who won X Factor with an impression of a Jonas Brother at a school concert is a homosexual. It’s front-page news on the Sun.
Previously Joe was known for being blocked from reaching the Christmas number 1 slot by a successful campaign to elevate Rage Against The Machine to the top spot.
Joe has decided to tell everyone he is gay because:
a) It’s a slow news day? b) The X Factor is coming around again and people have forgotten who the hell he is? c) It’s easier talking about your sexuality than having a hit song? d) Simon Cowell told him to? e) Someone “hacked” into his Twitter account and aid he was gay? f) He’s recording a new album?