Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
PETER ANDRE wants to talk about “MY LOVE FOR KATE”.
In case that is not enough the Daily Star hits readers again on the front page:
“Jordan broke my heart… but I’m hers forever.”
And if you have still failed to grasp the message, here’s more:
Peter Andre is “pining for ex”.
Sentimental Peter has penned a song just for Katie. The tune is called Mercy On Me. It’s off Peter’s new album that you can buy from…
TO London’s Golden Square for a sexy tomato fight between Katy Perry would-be K.Pez (aka Delia Marie Williams) and Lady Gaga look-alike – only sexier – Maybe Gaga (Victoria Cluskey). The stunt was to promote the MTV Awards in Madrid. It’s all hideous PR and exploitation. Here are the pictures for you to disapprove of – the tomatoes were non-organic…
STEPHEN Fry says something about sex with women – and women writers find something to write about. They take time out from shagging and catting (female dogging to those of you who, like Fry, are uninvited to the secret female sex cruises) to write about stuff. Laurie Penny sees it a chance to write a report for her university lecturer:
Instead of solidarity in the face of a heteronormative patriarchy that oppresses all of us, there remains a chasm of suspicion and misunderstanding that obstructs genuine solidarity between women and gay men. Fry’s words are a perfect expression of that process of mutual incomprehension, a process whereby our culture has become so alienated from its own sexuality that erotic impulses can never be a point of community, only of difference.
Yes. Whatever you say, luv…
LILY Allen is no longer pregnant, having lost her baby. She was six months pregnant. Sad news. For her. It is a bereavement. But to the tabloid media and grandstanding celebrities looking to show strangers how much they care it is a matter of national solidarity and orchestrated mawkish pity. The front-page headline commands readers to:
“SAY A LITTLE PRAYER”.
For a paper that sucked up regurgitated ever line Alistair Campbell spun – he who told Tony Blair: “I’m sorry, we don’t do God” – this looks like opportunism to get a celebrity on the cover. But, then, we read on and realise that Lily Allen is the source of the quote. She went on Twitter to tell her followers (fans and showbiz hacks looking for a quote on a slow new day):
“Say a little prayer.”
ANNA Chapman, nee Anna Kushchenko, the sexy Russian spy with the looks of mid-ranking East European tennis player – the spy who shagged at least two British man and obtained no official secrets while doing so – is to be TV star on state-run Rossia television, Interfax reports. Does Sky Sports have an equivalent in Russia? Or The Adult Channel..?
COCO Austin and a bevy of celebs attended Heidi Klum’s Halloween do.
Stylebrity has more. But how do you follow this?
STEPHEN Fry has flounced off Twitter almost a year to the day he last quit twitter (the migratory bird of habit is back) and – whatsitpopsit – over the kerfuffle over his words in Attitude magazine that woman don’t like sex as much as straight men. Says he in an attempt to extend his 140 character wit limit:
“If women liked sex as much as men, there would be straight cruising areas in the way there are gay cruising areas.”
There are, Stephen. There is the buffet at the David Lloyd club in Bushey, Herts; the Princess Diana memorial between the horus of 2:am and 3am every Third Sunday in the month; France.
“Women would go and hang around in churchyards thinking, “God, I’ve got to get my ******* rocks off”, or they’d go to Hampstead Heath and meet strangers to s**g behind a bush.”
IS Jonathan Ross’s Halloween Party the best one in London? Did you go to his house in Hampstead, north London and extort sweets with menaces? Meanwhile, next door, they were braving scary issues like teen suicide, unwanted children and extreme violence by watching EastEnders. Scary stuff. Photos:
THIS week’s big NoTW scoop – the paper is now behind a paywall – is that Peter Andre is having sex. Yep, it is just like the last week’s NoTW scoop, wherein we learnt that Peter was having sex with one Angela Mogridge. Or what of the scoop that he’d been shagging Maddy Ford, the former glamour mo-del.
The NoTW called her “a graphic designer”; but she turns out to be more graphic dancer, part of group called Million Dollar Babes, an entertainer as happy in a bikini, cradling her bosom, sucking suggestively on a lolly suggestively as she designing new fonts (photos).
She’s the type of woman Peter might have been referring to when in reference to his ex-wife Katie Price he said:
“I want a different type of girl.”
THE Elton John AIDS Foundation Ball photos: The great and good rocked up to the American Embassy in south London to mingle with Elton’s mates. Liz Hurley bulged; Graham Norton modelled bird shit chiq on his jacket; Gemma Arterton looked, well, good (don’t tell her – she hates it); Tamara Ecclestone continued her quest for a signature tan; but the star was the ubiquitous Hofit Golan. Who is she? What does she do? Remind us…
CHERLY Cole, the X Factor judge, is to get tattoos of a swing seat, hedge trimmers and small statuette of a bearded man straddling an obelisk. She draws the line at the patio heater tattoo, because it “damages the environment, and she, as an icon, owes a debt of responsibility to her fans”.
Cheryl already sports a strip of barbed wire and leafy growth about her legs and name plaque on the rear or her neck. Cheryl is modelling her skin on a front garden, or an ambitious window box…
ROBERT Plant’s hair performed at The Roundhouse in Camden, north London, during the BBC Radio 2 Electric Proms. They come to stare at the Led Zeppelin front man…
BRUCE Springsteen was at the screening of The Promise: The Making Of Darkness On The Edge Of Town at the BFI Southbank in London. The film is the story of how ‘The Boss’ wrote 70 songs for his famous album. Fans will love it. After the trailer a collection of pictures from the star now and when he was in his pomp…
KATIE Price was meeting the fans keen to buy the latest instalment in her autobiography Asda in Spondon, Derbyshire. For seasonal fun she dressed as a pumpkin with the hair Babie shaves off for bikini shoots hanging from her hat. Why? Well, it’s just one more thing Katie will have to write about in her next autobiography…
THE 54th BFI London Film Festival Awards in Photos: James France (*stoned?), Julianna Moore in two dresses at once; Kiera Knightley; Isla Fisher looking buxom; Hilary Swank meeting the fan; and all the best bits of the film show…
Which ones will outsell the others? Or advice is to go long on pocket-sized Aston Merrygold, then take more reserved position on – in order – Marvin Humes, Jonathan “JB” Gill, and Oritsé Williams.
But, more importantly, they earn their place in our gallery of the greatest every celebrity dolls.
Enjoy them – there are some blinders:
SAD news is that Miley Cyrus’s parents Billy Ray Cyrus and Tish Cyrus, are divorcing after 17 years of marriage. Miley will be a dorphan, a splid or whatever it is a child of divorced parents are labelled by the marketing department.
It’s a private time of struggle and heartache in which a personal matter must remain private. So. Here’s the press statement:
“As you can imagine, this is a very difficult time for our family. We are trying to work through some personal matters. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers.”
Prayers?Why so humble?
KYLIE Minogue has new calendar for 2011. You can while away the year gazing at 12 shots of Kylie in her swimmers and undies. It’s pretty clear from these photos that Kylie does not do winter. But as an international pop star, she transcends the world. There are not enough hemispheres to contain Kylie…
IT’S not too late to buy Darth Vader’s original costume in time for Halloween (2011) or the Christmas party. The Star Wars outfit was made for The Empire Strikes Back in 1980. One small issue – it’s expected to sell for up to £230,000 at Christie’s showroom in South Kensington, London. You might to be a bit more creative. Fetch the toilet role tubes…
TAKE That were at Radio 1 to sell their stuff. And thrill fans with talk of second comeback tour.
The Daily Mail pours it usual bile on the event by looking at Robbie Williams and opining:
With the top of his hair teased into a quiff-style, Robbie appeared to be attempting to hide his silvery locks as he arrived at the studios with Gary Barlow, Mark Owen, Jason Orange and Howard Donald.
Yeah, Because that’s how you hide going grey isn’t – by giving your hair a curl. It’s why self-billed blondes like Doris (79) Old Mr Anorak’s stamp archivist has given her luscious locks a soft curl.
LADY Gaga was at the O2 in Dublin for one leg of The Monster Ball Tour. But we saw her in London, stood outside the Sea Shell Fish Bar in Marylebone. This is the eatery where Michael Jackson once arrived for his battered sausage.
These are very big photos (give them a second or two to download):
KEITH Richards, of the Rolling Stones, says in his memoirs Life that his did snort his dad Bert’s ashes:
“The truth of the matter is that after having Dad’s ashes in a black box for six years, because I really couldn’t bring myself to scatter him to the winds, I finally planted a sturdy English oak to spread him around.
“And as I took the lid off of the box, a fine spray of his ashes blew out on to the table. I couldn’t just brush him off so I wiped my finger over it and snorted the residue.
“Ashes to ashes, father to son. He is now growing oak trees and would love me for it.”
So. Keith inhaled his dad. And Ronnie Wood smoked meringues:
“It got to the point where I would be on my hands and knees looking for crumbs that might have fallen out of the crack pipe. I even banned my children eating meringues in the house after I ended up smoking sugar, believing it to be cocaine.”
NADINE Coyle was once with Girls Aloud. So too was Cheryl Cole. Cheryl is on the X Factor as the nation’s sweetheart.
Nadine is ignored:
BOYZONE’S Mikey Graham is too old to be called Mikey but just about the right point in his career to appear in panto. X Factor judge Louis Walsh met with the Boyzone crooner ahead of their dates for The Gaiety Theatre’s version of Aladdin.
Walsh plays “the master of the world” (that alright with you, Mr Cowell, sir?), while Mikey Graham plays Abanazar and Una Pedreschi becomes Princess Jasmine.
You see a panto – X Factor contestants might see a yearly highlight in their post-show careers…
THE 2010 Q Awards were a swanky affair. We’ve got all the photos of the winners holding their stolen Quaglino’s ashtrays mounted on a small metal beer mat. The bigger the actual trophy the less meaningful the prize, so the saying goes. Polo, for instance has cups with their own postcodes. Football has a small statuette. The Q Awards are thus steeped in significance. Enjoys the photos – picture 4 is brilliant. Ann Widdecombe has joined the Charlatans…