Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
CHARLIE Sheen is escrow to buy a has six bedroom and eight bathrooms $7.5 million pile in Beverley Hills. The current owner is Mike Medavoy, producer of Natalie Portman’s angst and ballet flick Black Swan. Sheen might move in with Bree Olson, star of unapologetic porn. And others might move in too. Sheen sleeps three-to-a-bed just now – with just one bed in each room, there’s enough space for the actor and 17 members of his Porn Family…
IN 1968, the world of pop music was beginning to fragment, as ‘serious’ musicians were began to establish a new order. This sea change was symbolised by a single Beatles number: ‘With A Little Help From My Friends’ – the ‘Ringo song’ from Sgt Pepper. When Joe Cocker released his cover version, the accompanying ad featured a cartoon Starr with a speech bubble that ran: ‘Hey Joe, don’t make it bad… Take a sad song and make it better.’ The contrast between the dapper drummer, pictured in his Carnaby Street clobber, and the wild-looking Cocker could not have been clearer. It was a graphic illustration of the divergent ‘pop’ and ‘rock’ sensibilities that had now emerged.
JUSTIN Bieber arrived at Heathrow Airport after flying in from Los Angeles. And all round him was his minder, who looks tor all the world like a fat Patrick Viera, the fabled Arsenal and France enforcer now going through the motions at Manchester City.
Also there was North London’s very own Adele, a graduate from BRIT School in Croydon. She had no minders.
I asked Elton John if he was cloth diapering Zachary. He looked at me a second and then replied “Well, we use proper nappies.“ I knew immediately that had to be a yes, but to be sure that I did not give false information I had him clarify for me what exactly “proper nappies” were. I asked, so are they reusable or do you throw them away. He said “Well they’re proper nappies, cloth”. You know how awesome I thought that was? Celebrities cloth diapering. Wow…Elton John cloth diapers his son!
It get’s better…
After seeing how important this sort of thing was to me, Elton then informed me that Baby Zachary is thriving off of an awesome diet of Breastmilk!
OVERLOOKING the fact that Hitler liked to kill zer gays, we bring news of John Galliano and Karl Largerfeld. Galliano has been sacked by house of Dior – the fashion palace created by Christian Dior whose niece Francoise Dior married the English Nazi Colin Jordan in 1963.
Galliano is to face trial in Paris over alleged racial insults. He could go to jail for six months, if convicted.
John ” I love Hitler” Galliano wants to explain:
Since the events of last Thursday evening I have not been able to make any public comment on what took place based upon advice from my French lawyer. However, given the continuing delays at the French Prosecutor’s Office I should make my position clear.I completely deny the claims made against me and have fully co-operated with the police investigation.
A number of independent witnesses have given evidence and have told the police that I was subjected to verbal harassment and an unprovoked assault when an individual tried to hit me with a chair having taken violent exception to my look and my clothing. For these reasons I have commenced proceedings for defamation and the threats made against me.
However, I fully accept that the accusations made against me have greatly shocked and upset people.
I must take responsibility for the circumstances in which I found myself and for allowing myself to be seen to be behaving in the worst possible light.
I only have myself to blame and I know that I must face up to my own failures and that I must work hard to gain people’s understanding and compassion. To start this process I am seeking help and all I can hope for in time is to address the personal failure which led to these circumstances and try and earn people’s forgiveness.
I have fought my entire life against prejudice, intolerance and discrimination, having been subjected to it myself. In all my work my inspiration has been to unite people of every race, creed, religion and sexuality by celebrating their cultural and ethnic diversity through fashion. That remains my guiding light.
Anti-semitism and racism have no part in our society. I unreservedly apologise for my behaviour in causing any offence.
NELLY Furtado is donating to charity the cash Saif Gaddafi, the Libyan Colonel’s son, paid her to sing. Beyonce Knowles has already paid the $1million she got for performing for Gaddafi’s boy at Nikki Beach St. Barts on New Year’s Eve 2009 to the earthquake relief efforts in Haiti, over a year ago.
The HuffPost says Mariah Carey and Usher were also paid $1 million to perform for the Gaddafi family.
CHARLIE Sheen is not a dissolute fornicator. He is missionary saving fallen women, like Bree Olson, nee Rachel Oberlin. Sheen has told Howard Stern that he got Olson to collect her golden c*ock and retire from the porn business.
Bree is now with Sheen at his home, the one he calls “Sober Valley Lodge“. How he got her to retire is one of the few things Sheen has not yet shared with his followers on Twitter, which has replaced Two & A Half Men as the hottest show in town. The expert opinion is that you can’t make a lucrative come back unless you’ve retired; or that everyone want to make sacrifices to meet Emilio Estevez.
Sheen is currently living with Natalie Kenly and the resting Bree Olson. Says Olson on Twitter:
“I don’t do drugs and neither does anybody around me. I used to drink occasionally and don’t even do that anymore. Yeah, I love sex, so what?”
“I’m just imagining Steven as a plumber, he can’t even change a light bulb, he’s hopeless.”
JOAN Collins’ dress, by Lebanese designer Georges Hobeika, was so tight she felt “woozy” at the post-Oscars Vanity Fair party. Collins took her glamour to an ambulance, possibly carried by a tribute of matinee idols. She then went to hospital, where she pulled on a handmade, bejeweled gown, lay on bed and with the back of one wrist resting on her forehead declared, “I’m ready.”
Jordan could learn a lot from Joany about what real clamour costs.
KERRY Katona is, as ever, on the cover OK!, and , a sever, she is talking about men. Katona cocks an opens hand to her open mouth. OK! constructs the headline:
“Kerry speaks out on her marine hunk.”
The marine hunk is Kevin Green, whose estranged wife is not keen on Our Kerry, alleging that the ketchup-faced mum-of-many played a part in their split. (Kerry denies that.)
The other reason Katona is in the news is that she’s been booted off Dancing On Ice, the telly show that leaves everyone cold. It was Emma Bunton who told her:
“After being in the bottom, in your head you’re already on the plane.”
CHARLIE Sheen is providing fun copy just now. He’s shagging porn stars, getting off his face and giving the kind of quotes that can fill a tabloid with debate about his status as a role model (in the tabloids, everyone is a role model when they’ve been on the telly). But without the media would Charlie Sheen exist? Sheen’s love of the limelight suggests that he exists only to be on view. Exposure is what he is.
Julie Moos writes in Poynter:
Sheen has appeared on “The Alex Jones Show,” “The Dan Patrick Show,” “Loose Cannons,” NBC’s “Today” show, ABC’s “Good Morning America,” and CNN’s “Piers Morgan Tonight.” He has texted People magazine and RadarOnline and been interviewed live on TMZ.com. And he’s not done yet. Howard Stern says his show may be next. Tuesday evening, “20/20” will air a lengthy interview with the actor.
Lots of coverage for the actor who can raise hell in the cosy comfort of a home porn cinema of five star hotel suite.
The Kansas City Star’s Aaron Barnhart says “Enough’s enough” — “that the ‘enablers of tabloid journalism’ should intervene rather than interview.”
CELEBRITIES are not like you and me: Gretchen Mol introduces her new child Winter Morgan Williams.
Mol and her husband,Paranormal Activity 2 director Tod ‘Kip’ Williams, are also parents to son Ptolemy John, 3½.
IT’S not long since Gary Moore died. A retrospective on his life is overdue in a TV schedule littered by dross and pap. While we wait for that, we went to see the Phil Lynott exhibition at the Creative Space in St. Stephens Green shopping centre, Dublin. “Still in Love With You”, organised by Hot Press magazine, features the “biggest ever collection of memorabilia, song lyrics, exhibits, paintings, tributes and photographs of the late rock legend”, who died 25 years ago. He died too young. But, then, the best often do.
A Lonley Hearts ad written by Phil Lynott in 1972 which forms part of a new Exhibition on the life and times of the Thin Lizzy star organised by Hot Press Magazine, entitled "Still in love with you" which opens at the Creative Space in St. Stephens Green shopping centre in Dublin on Friday March 4th. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photio Picture date Tuesday March 1, 2011. Photo credit should read: Niall Carson/PA Wire
THE case of Lindsay Lohan’s necklace is now being taught in English class. It is alleged that Lohan stole a $2,500 necklace from a jewellers called Kamofie & Company. The store is outraged and wants justice. The store that sells the kind of trinket a minted Hollywood A-lister would stoop to stealing, allegedly, will have its day in court. This is not about marketing and publicity. This is about justice.
COLONEL Muammar Gaddafi and his kids in Libya (or the Caribbean and London – whichever is closer) love a good party. When Mickey Rouke and John Galliano get to play the Libyan dictator in film, they will be able to co-star with the likes of Nelly Furtado, Mariah Carey, Beyoncé and Usher, who have all been hired to perform for the family Gaddafi in recent years.
It should be a great show – perhaps the most tortuous musical since Godspell.
But now, thanks to MediaTakeOut.com, we can see what happened to Brown’s mush in the incident. It wasn’t just knuckle concussion that made the singer hurt.
DAME Helen Mirren and Helena Bonham Carter arrived back from the Oscars in Los Angeles. For all the pneumatic glamour models and painted WAGs that Britain pumps out and up, the country still exports a different kind of sex appeal to the American mould. Mirren and Bonham Carter are quintessentially British stars – personable, relaxed and self-assured. The British film industry might be thinner than a dictator’s wife, but the talent is of a fine damascene quality…
THIS woman has a dread fear of something unusual. Ready…
HERE’S the video of Mel Gibson’s favourite designer, allegedly, John Galliano acting like a camp Colonel Gaddafi in a Paris bar as he praises Hitler, the ultimate designer of not only clothes but genetics, cities and entire worlds.
He wanted to dress the world in brown – or russet with chocolate stitching, as he confided to his inner circle…
For more on the story, go here:
RIP Jane Russell. You were the screen siren who seduced The Outlaw in 1943. It was banned for two years. You could watch newsreels of death and destruction in Europe and the Far East. But if you woman to see a voluptuous woman in a tight top, it was forbidden.
She said of her career in 1999:
“Why did I quit movies? Because I was getting too old! You couldn’t go on acting in those years if you were an actress over 30.”
THE RAZZIES. These are the only awards that matter. The 2010 list of delights features the Last Airbender, a triumph for M. Night Shyamalan, whose forthcoming box can be shaken free of excrement and used as a colostomy bag for the film buff.
JOHN Galliano is being billed as the Mel Gibson of fashion. Galliano, a man who look exactly like Colonel Gaddafi’s performance as Captain Hook at Tony Blair’s 1998 Christmas panto places his hand on his moustache curlers and says he made no anti-semitic comments in La Perle bar, Paris. He says he never called a woman a “dirty Jew face” at a bar in Paris.
A woman called Géraldine Bloch, 35, alleges Galliano eyed up her ensemble and uttered to she and her pal:
“Dirty Jewish face, you should be dead. Fucking Asian bastard, I will kill you.”
The Sun has gotten hold of video shot by someone in the bar. It says you can hear Galliano saying:
“I love Hitler.”
No, not “I love Hitler in brown – those deep chocolate tones are so now. To die for. Really. They. Are. To. Die. Fur-her. Gerrit?!”
WANT to know why no Irish, Scots, Indian or Angolan won an Oscar?
Rush Limbaugh knows why:
“… You have a very powerful industry run by liberal Democrats, very rich liberal Democrats, and they have their top ten best movies, nominated best movies, and not a single person of color nominated for anything, not even best supporting stooge….”
TO all the winners of a Golden Gopher, a BAFTA, a SAG, a Crystal Meth, a Bronze Turd any other film award shoe-horned around the Oscars: unlucky. They don’t matter. It’s all about the Oscars. The film industry is all about the money, and winning an Oscar means making more money. As Colin Firth might say in the kind of English accent Americans like: k-k-k-kerching!
THE Oscars, the world’s starriest AGM, featuring a glittering host of workers at the coal face of The Industry hoping they win and can thank God for choosing them to win a gold plated marital aide. After the red carpet, the show sags like Colonel Gaddafi’s cheeks.