Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Joseph Connagh, a former Egghead on the BBC quiz show Eggheads has been arrested as part of an investigation into an alleged killing in the Netherlands. CJ de Mooi, as he was known on the show, was arrested under a European arrest warrant issued by Dutch Police at Heathrow Airport on Wednesday.
Barnsley-born Connagh is former president of the English Chess Federation and a winner of the TV gameshow 15 to 1. He is due to appear at Westminster Magistrates’ Court.
The site WeAreBarnsley.com reported in 2012:
“I was born in Barnsley and lived there until I was four and then moved to Rotherham,” he said. “What I do remember about Barnsley is the road I was born on in the town centre, a little about the surrounding area and I have got some memories of the school I used to go to.”
His life took a completely unexpected direction just after his 17th birthday – he left home and chose to sleep on the streets… He found his way to Holland and endured 18 months sleeping rough on a staircase in Amsterdam before stowing away on a train to Cologne in Germany.
“While I was there begging, a guy came up to me who was a photographer and offered me a modelling job. In 2000 I thought to myself I’m a bit bored and I have got good general knowledge so I entered a few TV quiz shows.
“The second one I went on was 15 to 1 and I won so then I applied for The Weakest Link and was voted off despite being the strongest link.”
Are Eggheads hardboiled?
Paul Gascoigne is not in the best of health. This we know because the tabloids love to feature Gazza in various stages of trouble. He’s back in the news for the criminal offence of telling a joke. At Dudley Magistrates Court, the former England footballer’s joke was appraised. It was found wanting. Gascoigne was deemed guilty of using ‘”threatening or abusive words”. Those words also cost him a £2,000 fine.
By now you all want to know what Gascoigne said. What does a £2000 joke look like? At An Evening With Gazza at Wolverhampton Civic Hall last year, the show’s eponymous star told a black security guard, Errol Rowe: “Can you smile please, because I can’t see you?”
Anyone heading to an evening with Gascoigne, a man who seemed to run on nervous energy, is unlikely to attend expecting a night of coherent thought and incisive wit. Nonetheless, District Judge Graham Wilkinson was outraged, telling Gazza, “it is not acceptable to laugh words like this off as some form of joke… We live in the 21st century — grow up with it or keep your mouth closed.”
The 21st Century looks a a draconian place. Gascoigne’s joke was sad, weak and, worst of all, unfunny. And that’s crucial to the crime. The advice is that if you’re unsure of what is and what is not acceptable to the state, you should not speak. You should censor yourself lest you cause the State to be offended.
And take care not to be famous and unfunny. Wilkinson told Gascoigne that his punishment is a warning to us all. “A message needs to be sent that in the 21st century,” said the Beak, “such words will not be tolerated.”
Intolerance will not be tolerated. How’s that for freedom?
PS: If you want to look for racism. you can find in a pathetic joke, if you want. But what about in the judiciary? Wilkinson told Gazza: “”It is the creeping ‘low-level’ racism that society still needs to challenge.” And what about the institutional racism?
Dame Linda Dobbs opines:
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will end their marriage of a whole 2 years and being together since 2004. Divorce has been triggered. She wants sole physical custody of all the couple’s collection of children – 6 of them.
The media is filled with weeping and wailing among the couple’s fans. How can the love of its age be broken by, in Angelina’s words, “irreconcilable differences”? Brangelina were the media match made in portmanteau heaven. What were the differences? Did one of them think By The Sea was great movie – a good movie?
TMZ dishes some dirt:
Sources connected with the couple tell us… Angelina’s decision to file has to do with the way Brad was parenting the children… she was extremely upset with his methods.
Our sources say, Angelina became “fed up” with Brad’s consumption of weed and possibly alcohol, and mixed with what she believes is “an anger problem” became dangerous for the children.
We’re told there was no alleged “third person”… her decision to file was solely over Brad’s interaction with their children.
InTouch Weekly says Brad’s a great dad and will petition for custody of the children.
The Sun says: “ANGELINA ‘HAS PUT KIDS IN DANGER’ ‘Furious’ Brad Pitt hits back at claims over anger and alcohol issues and ‘blasts Angelina for putting kids in firing line in bitter divorce’”
Will things get nasty? Will Brad get the kids or be forced to find 6 other children to fill the void? If he does, will their be auditions?
Expect lots more on this.
Playboy model Dani Mathers, Playboy’s playmate of the year 2015, took a photo of a naked woman in the changing rooms at her gym, posted it on twitter and for explained: “If I can’t unsee this, then you can’t either.”
TMZ says Los Angeles police have spoken to a woman in her 70s who is apparently keen to prosecute Dani Mathers.
Mather says she’s sorry for mocking a woman minding her own business in the gym and only “accidentally” posted the image publicly and that it was intended for a friend.
As for Mathers being ageist, well, we await the after-show shots:
You don’t have to like him to support his right to free speech. Ann Althouse gets it:
“ABC’s Nightline goes after Milo Yiannopoulos and I’ve never bothered with this guy one way or the other… but this ham-handed effort to cut him down made me side with him. Why is the ABC reporter sneering and yelling at the person he’s interviewing?”
The hectoring reporter makes anyone who values free speech side with Milo. We all value the right to be offensive, right?
PS: The Ghostbusters remake is crap.
Edgar Wright wants a moment of silence for Gene Wilder:
A moment of silence for the master of the comedic pause.
Gene Wilder: funny doing something & funny doing nothing.
The big question is: does Harry Potter like Jerrmy Corbyn? The Guardian says he does:
Daniel Radcliffe has endorsed Jeremy Corbyn for leader of the Labour party, saying the veteran leftwinger’s sincerity won him over. The Harry Potter star told The Big Issue that Corbyn’s informal style had excited voters and was a welcome departure from scripted politics.
The Guardian was sticking to the right script, albeit wrongly. The paper later regretted the error:
NOTE: This article was published in error. It was based on social media circulation of an interview Daniel Radcliffe gave to the Big Issue in September 2015. It is not known whether he still holds these views. It originally ran with the headline ‘Daniel Radcliffe endorses Jeremy Corbyn for Labour leader’ and was published at 4.55am on 4 September 2016. The original article read as follows:
Whoops! As the Guardian checks the date of Seamus Milne’s contract (the paper says, he’s “a Guardian columnist and associate editor”; he’s also Jeremy Corbyn’s spin doctor), we look at what Radcliffe told the Big Issue:
“I feel like this show of sincerity by a man who has been around long enough and stuck to his beliefs long enough that he knows them and doesn’t have to be scripted is what is making people sit up and get excited. It is great.”
A days is long time in politics. A year is a lifetime…
John Waters explains the purpose of contemporary art:
“Contemporary art’s job is to wreck whatever came before it. And from the very beginning after the Old Masters, from then on, each generation wrecked that. That something is pretty and beautiful is probably the worst thing that you could say today in contemporary art about something, unless it’s so pretty it’s nauseating.”
Is this Tom Baker talking in an outtake for an advert he was recording? YouTuber campfreddie thinks it might be:
Tom Baker is over here.
Former Strictly Come Dancing hoofer Ola Jordan reveals her “sexist secrets” in the Sun. Ola is the new “celebrity face” of Ann Summers, the high-street store selling aids to masturbation.
SAUCY Ola Jordan has confessed she wears a blindfold in bed to let her dancer husband know whether sex is on – or off – the cards.
If your wife will only shag you when she’s blindfolded, you might worry. If she asks you to wear David Beckham’s new scent behind the armpits, play a recording of George Clooney breathing and promise not to talk, you might worry a little more. Or you might just think, ‘Well, that lazy eye always was a little distracting’ and crack on.
Ola, 33, said: “It’s so good. On one side it says ‘Yes Please’ and on the other side it says ‘Not Tonight’.
“When I don’t fancy it, I just put that side, ‘Not Tonight’.
The funny thing is that he also wears blindfolds to communicate his sex drive, and they’ve not seen each other in bed for years. Nah, they are, of course, at it “hammer and tongs”, as the Sun says.
As husband James reads his wife’s mask and wonders if she’s asleep before watching slinking off to Match of the Day, we see a picture of Ola dressed in her busy undies.
Yeah, she’s wearing less than she does on prime-time telly.
Jamie’s Oliver’s fifth child is called River Rocket Oliver. With a name like Rocket, the worry is that the little lamb’s (lettuce) will go off. Nothing goes off like rocket.
PS – River Rocket is a brother to Poppy Honey Rose, Daisy Boo Pamela, Petal Blossom Rainbow and Buddy Bear Maurice.
PPS – There are few things more enjoyable than seeing other parents give their child a name that serves as a signifier of their individuality and cool.
In ‘LACK OF REMORSE'”, the Sun reports on “Love Island boob flash duo Jessica Hayes and Katie Salmon”.
News is that the topless twosome have been “banned for life from horse racing”. They will never ride a nag at Aintree nor enliven a dull day at Ascot by flashing their nipples. It is the sports great loss.
The paper adds that the pair “bared their boobs again at a nightclub just days after the Cheltenham incident in March”.
It is to their eternal shame that photographers were there to see both incidences.
The British Horseracing Authority says the ladies’ antics were “unacceptable, offensive and detrimental to the good reputation of the sport”.
Indeed they were. As anyone versed in Jilly Cooper’s work and the history of Lady Godiva, full nudity is the true form at the point to point. These ignorant girls must try harder.
And they’re orf!
What did Roald Dahl taste of? We can soon find out becsaue the 40FT Brewery, in Dalston, north east London, and Bompas and Parr are creating Mr Twit’s Odious Ale. You don’t have to be Twit to buy the stuff, just a hipster or some other kind of fetishising tw*t.
And apparently it’s what Dahl would have wanted:
With permission from The Roald Dahl Literary Estate and The Roald Dahl Museum in Great Missenden, Buckinghamshire, swabs were taken from the authors writing chair, preserved for posterity at the museum. The beer is to be brewed in the Polish Grätzen style.
Get Bucks the beer has “a light golden colour with relatively high carbonation”- like a runny fart.
So give me a bug and a jumping flea,
Give me two snails and lizards three,
And a slimy squiggler from the sea,
And the poisonous sting of a bumblebee,
And the juice from the fruit of the ju-jube tree,
And the powdered bone of a wombat’s knee.
And one hundred other nasty things as well
Each with a rather nasty smell.
I’ll stir them up, I’ll boil them long,
A mixture tough, a mixture tough, a mixture strong.
And then, heigh-ho, and down it goes,
A nice spoonful (hold your nose)
Just gulp it down and have no fear.
‘How do you like it, Granny dear?’
Will she go pop? Will she explode?
Will she go flying down the road?
Will she go poof in a puff of smoke?
Start fizzing like a can of Coke?
(I’m glad it’s neither you nor me.)
Oh Grandma, if only you knew
What I have got in store for you!’
Kurt Kuenne’s short film Validation is the “fable about the magic of free parking”.
Helen Skelton’s topless video is all over the internet. When she was 17, so the story goes, the BBC TV presenter sunbathed topless in France. Without her knowledge someone filmed the teenaged Skelton and uploaded the footage to porn websites. A mere two years later the tabloids made Skelton’s breasts front-page news.
Revenge Porn: Teenager, who left pal feeling suicidal, says she’s ‘the loser’ after publishing secret sex tape
Elsewhere the Mirror reports on “the dark side of sexting, and reveals what can happen when your most intimate photos get into the wrong hands”.
But when the Mirror sees Skelton’s naked breasts, presumably supplied via the wrong hands to a porn site, it appraisers her body, “Gorgeous mum-of-one Helen looks fantastic in the video.” A source calls it a “nightmare” for Helen.
As the Mirror exploits Helen’s nightmare to prove the misery and allure of covert porn, assuring the victim it’s ok so long as your fit, the Sun reports:
TOPLESS PHOTO STORM Helen Skelton is ‘distressed’ after topless photos of her from when she was 17 emerge
Amid more shots from the “leaked” footage, journalists TINA CAMPBELL AND JOANNE KAVANAGH tell us of Skelton’s “distress”.
The 33-year-old mum of one was holidaying in France in 2001 and believed to be unaware that she was being filmed and ONLY 17 at the time.
Tina and Joanne might like to have a word with their Sun colleague Hannah Crouch, who in April told Sun readers
Hundreds of women fallen victim to website which shares nude pics without permission – A 21-woman has exposed a slut-shaming website which asks users for explicit photos
Are you only a victim when you’re not on the telly?
Helen Skelton, the BBC’s Olympic Games presenter who looks and sounds like a primary school teacher talking to her class, is in a topless video. So says the Daily Star, which leads with the “exclusive” old news that “Olympics Helen” once sunbathed topless. The story first appeared in April 2014, when she was “Blue Peter’s Helen in topless video”. Presumably it will be revisited and adapted whenever Skelton gets a new job.
Helen Skelton’s flesh has been big news in the tabloids, which has been watching her Olympics striptease.
It began with a look at Skelton’s legs. She has two. The world was shocked. “BBC presenter Helen Skelton sends pulses racing in her skimpy outfit,” cooed the Sun. Skelton was wearing a skirt. Behind her Olympic athletes took to the swimming pool dressed in tight swim suits and budgie smugglers. No pulses were raced at the Sun. If Skelton wants to go out in her Lycra bra and big knickers and run around the presenting table, the Sun won’t notice so long as she’s also wearing a Team GB sticker across her chest.
After the legs came the stomach. Sam Morgan was on Skelton Watch.
Then came “another body part”. We call them “arms”.
And so to the breasts.
Footage of the presenter exposing her boobs was uploaded to an adult website. It soon racked up thousands of hits as fans clamoured to see it. In the four-minute clip Helen, who once presented kids’ show Blue Peter, is seen on a beach wearing just a pair of shorts. Sources close to the blonde have claimed she was 17 at the time.
Who wants to ogle a teenager, then?
One pal said: “Helen was on holiday in France. She was enjoying her holiday and relaxing in the sun. She had no idea she was being filmed, so this leak will be quite a shock for her.”
To recap: Helen Skeleton has legs, arms, a stomach, breasts and hair. Read all about it!
PS: says one tweeter: “Put those shoulders away you whore.”
Str Wars actors Kenny Baker (24 August 1934 – 13 August 2016) and Anthony Daniels (born 21 February 1946) star in an anti-smoking PSA. R2D2 and C3P-0 says not to smoke:
Helping readers spot Nazis and other far-Right loons is the Daily Star. The paper that once cheered for the EDL leads with a picture of erstwhile panto dame Chris Biggins, formerly of Celebrity Big Brother, dressed as a Nazi. Is this how he chillaxes at home?
No. This is his work gear. Says the Star:
Disgraced CBB housemate Biggins dresses as Nazi in unearthed video
The Star adds:
IN a story that keeps getting worse, Christopher Biggins once appeared on television dressed as a Nazi.
Biggins is now on par with – in no special order – Ricky Gervais, Ralph Fiennes, Roger Moore, Michael Fassbender, Alec Guinness, Michael Caine, Marlon Brando, Donald Duck and various actors on TV’s Dad’s Army. Biggins must be delighted. Who knew he could act so well?
Grainy footage has surfaced of the pantomime star appearing in sketch wearing a full Nazi uniform.
Oh, yes he did.
It couldn’t come at a worse time for Biggins, who was booted from the CBB house on Friday for making offensive comments towards X Factor star Katie Waissel.
Waissel should get a grip. Big Brother should stop being so censorious and killing its own show. Biggins should get some new material. Lest you missed the joke, Biggins (not a Jew) told Waisell (is a Jew) she had best be careful in the showers. Geddit?! If you did, you should like Jerry Sadowitz (is a Jew), who often starts his shows by telling the Jews to head to the shower blocks.
An insider from the show told The Sun: “I was part of the crew in 1997 and we were filming a ‘joke’ gameshow called Vahalla or Bust as part of a BBC documentary. Biggins didn’t seem to mind dressing as a Nazi at all, and didn’t question the morality of it.”
Well, to take the piss out of Nazis, it can be useful to dress as one.
Plastic surgery / cosmetic surgery matters only to the person who opted for it. So, then, to the face worn by Renee Zellweger, which triggers the Daily Mirror story: “Renee Zellweger blasts back after plastic surgery claims: ‘I did not make a decision to alter my face’.”
Which begs the question: who did? Or maybe the wind changed and, as your mum warned you, she stayed like that?
The Mirror adds:
She penned a thoughtful essay where she slammed “humiliating” attacks on her appearance. But Renee Zellweger’s critics have continued to speculate after she denied having plastic surgery, telling the Bridget Jones Diary actress that if she has had work done, she should “own it”.
Own it. Own your own face? The Mirror’s quote comes from a tweet, which opined in a vacuous command: “Be proud and own it girl.”
In her thoughtful essay for Huffington Post, Renee responded to accusations she had an eye lift back in October 2014 , “not that it’s anyone’s business”.
The essay might well have been thoughtful, but it was for nought: two years on and the Mirror is all over it.
Vogue also covers the story:
“In October 2014, a tabloid newspaper article reported that I’d likely had surgery to alter my eyes,” the Bridget Jones actress wrote in a letter for The Huffington Post. “It didn’t matter; just one more story in the massive smut pile generated every day by the tabloid press and fuelled by exploitative headlines and folks who practice cowardly cruelty from their anonymous internet pulpits.”
“Not that it’s anyone’s business, but I did not make a decision to alter my face and have surgery on my eyes. This fact is of no true import to anyone at all, but that the possibility alone was discussed among respected journalists and became a public conversation is a disconcerting illustration of news/entertainment confusion and society’s fixation on physicality.”
Why was Christopher Biggins kicked out of the Celebrity Big Brother house?
In the “Real reason Christopher Biggins was removed from Celebrity Big Brother house LEAKED”, the Daily Mirror promises to reveal all.
When news broke yesterday about his shock departure, we learned that the star had allegedly made a sick joke about Nazi concentration camps.
So bad was Biggins’ joke that Katie Waissel, a former X Factor contestant (more on her here), was reduced to “teas”.
As Katie reaches for the sugars, know that the Mirror’s story about is based on a Daily Star story. The paper adds:
Now, The Sun Online is reporting that he also made an offensive comment about people with AIDS.
What did he say, then?
As the CBB celebs queued up to use the bathroom shortly after waking up, The Sun reports he said to the former X Factor star: “You had better be careful or they will put you in a shower or take you to a room!”
Waissel was left in “tears” by that. The Mirror then tells us that Katie Waissel’s mum has called for “a police probe”. Oh, puh-lease. This is so pathetic. A weak joke is a crime? And it clearly was a joke. If that comment reduces to Waissel to tears and teas she should toughen up.
Another story in the Mirror notes in headline that might well be beyond parody:
Celebrity Big Brother Christopher Biggins ‘Nazi transcript’ is a FAKE confirm Channel 5
Do people know what anti-Semitism looks like? Not, Shami Chakrabarti, clearly. She can’t see antisemitism over all that ermine. Biggins is no Nazi. That’s plain to see.
The Mirror continues to milk the gnat’s teat by asking in yet another story on Biggins:
Has Christopher Biggins’ shocking comments ruined all his good work?
No. But don’t take our word for it. The Jewish News notes:
Christopher Biggins’ Jewish agent defends star over ‘Nazi gas chamber’ jibe
Showbiz agent Jonathan Shalit, who represents Biggins, told Jewish News: “I have been close friends and worked with Biggins for many years and can confirm that he would never intentionally cause offence. If something was said in jest which caused offence then I am certain that was not his intention. Biggins is a much loved and wonderful man.”
It’s not the causing offence that is the issue – it’s if someone thinks you are causing offence that matters in these censorious times. You can be an unwitting racist.
Biggies told Sun on Sunday: “I am mortified by what has happened. Most of my friends are Jewish. I apologise. I love Jewish people. My best friend is Lesley Joseph and you don’t get more Jewish than that.”
As the righteous media grade Joseph for her Jewishness, we read in the Mirror what else the old stager said:
He joined in a discussion with Renee Graziano and Frankie Grande on sexuality and when asked if she had a problem with gay people, the Mobs Wives star said: “When you’re gay you’re gay. And I think it’s beautiful because I think it’s who you are and it’s natural. But I think today in society they kind of force things on people and they confuse you.”
Man who says gays are beautiful is ousted from TV show for causing offence? We live in odd, offence-seeking times, indeed, readers.
Biggins then went on to claim bisexual people are the “worst type”, telling the pair: “I think the worst type though is, I’m afraid to say, the bisexuals. What it is is people not wanting to admit they are gay.”
The Mirror then notes:
And on Saturday it emerged that he was partly removed because he claimed bisexuals are to blame for AIDS during a shocking outburst.
Which part of him was removed? His mouth? His foreskin? His hair? He said:
“Gays had been really badly treated for so long. Then came a period where they were respected. But suddenly, a killer disease then came along which was attributed to homosexuals – but it was actually a bisexual disease. What the government didn’t realise is that there were bisexuals out there who were having sex with those people. They then brought it back to their families over here and in America. That’s how it became a worldwide disease. Whoever investigated AIDS f***ked up big time.”
In a welter of stupidity, however, the price for opportunism must got to Big Brother, which summoned Biggins into the Diary Room and in words George Orwell would surely appreciate, ruled:
“On Monday in a conversation with Katie when she remarked she was not in the house to represent the Jewish community, your comment was plainly capable of causing offence to Katie and the viewing public.
“Big Brother spoke to you about your language. When BB pointed out to you that your language was capable of great offence you apologised and indicated you understood the seriousness of the situation.
“But you have continued to use unacceptable language.”
Once upon a time, the Celebrity Big Brother VIP silo was a bit of fun, a chance to see forgotten-faces of TV stars you thought were dead or living in Spain. Now it’s a miserable place, where free speech is trampled on and everyone is watched lest they cause offence. It’s getting to be a lot like modern Britain.
In Samantha Fox’s Big Boob Hell”, the Daily Star looks at the former Page 3 stalwart now starring on Celebrity Big Brother, and says: “My boobs were too big for Page 3.”
How about Page 3 and Page 4?
“I asked my mum if I looked fat in a dress because my boobs looked too big in it. She said, ‘Your boobs are great’. I only realised they were fine when other women began paying for surgery to have boobs like mine.”
Did women really browse the aisle of Messers Nip ‘n’ Tuck’s surgery and say ‘I’ll have the Sams’? And did they realise that having ‘Sams’ is akin to being in hell – a hell that looks like being caught in your undies riding a small rocking horse:
“TIME to bing back the Great British passport,” demands the Sun. It’s front-page news. The paper says the blue passport is a “symbol of the UK regaining sovereignty from the EU”.
We want a pledge from No10 to reintroduce the true blue, ditched in 1988 for an EU-approved burgundy passport.
Tory MP Andrew Rosindell adds: “It’s a matter of identity. Having the pink European passports has been a humiliation.”
It’s burgundy, Andrew. Your old analogue driving licence was pink. Colour matters. Your passport is a fashion choice. Don’t believe us – believe actress Liz Hurley, then, who when not using the Union flag as a merkin, is saying things like:
“I yearn for the days when my (gorgeous navy blue) passport got stamped when I went anywhere in Europe and I loved puzzling over fistfuls of Italian lire, French francs and Deutschmarks. It was glamorous and exciting.”
The Sun shows us John Lennon’s old British passport. It was blue. Did Lennon go for the pink one? No. Granted, he was dead before it was introduced. Yes, he did chose in live in America. But the Sun has made it’s point – the pink one is not what the resting Beatle would have wanted. “Imagine,” says Lennon, “there are no countries… that don’t show due respect to the Great British Blue passport.”
Formula One boss Bernie Ecclestone’s mother-in-law has been kidnapped in Sao Paulo, not far from the race track:
According to Brazilian magazine Veja, Aparecida Schunck, 67, was taken on Friday in the neighbourhood of Interlagos, Sao Paulo with her kidnappers said to be demanding a ransom of 120 million Brazilian reals [£28m].
As sports fans head to Rio for the Olympics, and athletes put their running skills to good use avoiding muggers, jihadis attacks and the Zika virus, we learn that Aparecida is mother to Ecclestone’s current wife Fabiana Flosi, 38.
Will 85-year-old Bernie pay up?
Will his daughter Tamara Ecclestone forgo another exclusive handbag to see a woman freed from the criminals?
Happy birthday, Mick Jagger, born on this day 1943. Here is the Rolling Stones singer performing Dancing in The Street with David Bowie.