Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
KATIE Price’s third husband, Kieran ‘Loud’ Hayler tells Sun readers that he had sex with his wife’s “best pal” in her stables.
In an instant the mind turns to an image of the skin-tight stripper stood on an pile of his wife’s autobiographies behind a horse. Indeed, Hayler adds:
“We had sex standing up. It was very quick — we just unzipped and did it.”
NOTICED how there’s a lot of rock musicians complaining about the modern world lately? Like lunatics shouting at cars for being evil horseless carriages, spewing out Satan’s plume, they gripe and bitch about every modern development… apart from the ones that make them money.
And so, to Jack White – the most catholic musician in the universe – who has criticised people at gigs who spend more time on their mobile phones than watching the gig itself.
THE mission: To identify the top 15 science fiction television program themes from eons past. It’s a region of space many Internet listers have gone before… but those were just training exercises. This expedition is for real. Let the countdown begin.
Goes well with martinis, miniskirts and go-go boots. Truthfully, anything that conjures up memories of those purple haired Moon Maidens is going to be top of the list.
2. Star Trek (original series)
How could the Star Trek intro not be in the list? No matter what you think of the show, you’ll have to agree this intro captures the thrill of exploration about as good as can be done. We may spend our days in a cubicle behind a desk, but when this intro plays, the dashing and adventurous Magellan lurking deep inside all of us gets bestirred.
3. Dr. Who
The Tom Baker intro will always be my favorite. Nostalgia aside, for my money, the sound of this track captures the “sci-fi feel” (if there is such a thing) better than any other, and the making of it is an amazing story. Only Star Trek trumps it due to Kirk’s brilliant prose.
4. The Twilight Zone
Is there an intro to any show, science fiction or otherwise, more iconic than this? “Doo dee doo doo, doo dee doo doo” has become a part of our lexicon.
5. The Tomorrow People
Similar to the Dr. Who theme, it has that spine-tingling, creepy vibe, yet is unmistakably science-fiction in sound.
6. The Six Million Dollar Man
“We can rebuild him. We have the technology. We can make him better than he was. Better…stronger…faster.”
Gives me goose bumps to this day.
7. The Outer Limits
“There is nothing wrong with your television set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture.”
Anyone who remembers those ominous words intoned across the airwaves can testify that this belongs on the list.
8. Lost in Space
There were a few versions, but the “countdown version” is the best.
9. Space: 1999
You can’t go wrong when you combine the distinctively Seventies “waka waka” with a Gerry Anderson groove.
However, when it comes to raw Seventies sci-fi vibe, nothing comes close to the next on the list…
10. Star Maidens
For all-around 70s sci-fi awesomeness, the ultimate is, without question, Star Maidens. It would be higher on this list, but the intro is just a boring narration. However, the funktastic closing credits and incidental music was solid 70s gold.
11. Logan’s Run
Catchy and corny, but a fun sci-fi intro nonetheless. Of course, Heather Menzies’ constantly fluttering micro-miniskirt may be contributing to my bias.
12. Sapphire and Steel
“All irregularities will be handled by the forces controlling each dimension. Transuranic heavy elements may not be used where there is life. Medium atomic weights are available: Gold, Lead, Copper, Jet, Diamond, Radium, Sapphire, Silver and Steel. Sapphire and Steel have been assigned.”
By the same guy that did the Dr. Who intro, no less.
13. The Starlost
Didn’t think Canada could make a groovy sci-fi theme? Once you get past the sleepy narration, things get hopping.
Thankfully, the series starred a Canadian game show host (Robin Ward) who wasn’t a drooling sexual predator. No idea what the hell I’m talking about? See this post.
Quickly moving right along…
14. Battlestar Galactica
It’s unfortunate that so many sci-fi openers got muddied by lame narration. I suppose a lot of explanation was in order – we wouldn’t want audiences confused. However, unless you have Shatner reading the lines, the theme is in danger of being dull. In the case of Battlestar Galactica, the orchestral part is so sweeping and large sounding, that it washes away the bad memories of Lorne Green’s intro.
15. The Jetsons
Everyone knows the words to this iconic theme song; you simply can’t have a list of top sci-fi themes without it.
I’m sure there are plenty of glaring omissions. (For instance, I nearly included the profoundly awesome Quark theme song, but it’s just too damn similar to Star Trek’s). Please, drop a suggestion in a comment and let’s make this list grow.
TO crate diggers and muso-nerds, this won’t be news at all, but to the occasional rock fan, you may not know that Led Zeppelin’s iconic ‘Stairway To Heaven’ has been accused of being a rip-off for quite some time.
And now, someone is suing the band over it.
Zep just so happen to be on the cusp of re-releasing their first three albums, which is handy as ‘Stairway’ is on the fourth and they might have to change the songwriting credits if they lose the case.
So what’s the craic?
THE Dos Equis guy has nothing on actor, William Smith. No – I didn’t say Will Smith. We’re not talking about the Fresh Prince here, folks. I’m talking about William Smith the world’s biggest badass and Renaissance Man.
Never heard of him? Although he’s been in over 300 movies and TV shows, William Smith was never much of a headline actor – usually playing a supporting role as the stereotypical tough-guy villain. You may recognize his face since he’s played everything from Conan the Barbarian’s father to the Russian commander in Red Dawn. But he’s by no means a household name.
ONE thing you can always rely on, with the music industry, is that someone is going to sue someone else, trying to stake a claim to a song, or music, they had no part in writing.
And people wonder why the music industry is on its arse.
This time, the High Court in London is hearing arguments in a copyright dispute over 13 songs by Bob Marley. You’ll know Bob Marley because, to 90% of the world, he’s the only human on Earth who ever recorded a reggae record.
FANS of the Black Keys are, like the band themselves, people who look back at a fabled ‘golden age’ of rock that doesn’t actually exist.
See, a lot of fans of bluesy dadrock will tell themselves that, once upon a time, music was made by ‘real’ people who played ‘real’ instruments. Everything was honest. The lunatic were ruling the asylum and people were able to express themselves artistically in a way that people aren’t now.
Of course, that’s complete piss. Music has always been a cesspool and decade on decade, there was exactly the same amount of great music and complete dreck thrown toward the public.
IF there’s one thing you can say about Mötley Crüe, is that their band name is a total pain in the arse to type on a computer, if you want to do it correctly.
Of course, there’s more to Mötley Crüe than that – they’re a hilarious hot-mess too.
It goes without saying that not everyone likes their music. However, as court jesters of rock ‘n’ roll, you can’t help but feel pleased they’re around. Media training is something that passed them all by and, in their day, they were rich, badly behaved and thick as pigshit – everything you’d want from a celebrity.
YOU may have seen Rita Ora’s face knocking around and indeed, may have heard some of her songs on the radio. However, putting the sounds to the face is a trickier prospect. While Miley Cyrus and One Direction swiped the pop crown from Lady GaGa and Taylor Swift (for a bit), Rita Ora is lording it up in the VIP section.
See, Rita Ora is being billed as a superstar without actually being one. And it looks like she’s believing in it too.
Obviously, Ora isn’t the first pop singer to be heralded and championed without reason, but there’s something unusual about this occasion.
IN this video Dr Brule plays the part of the love interest (formerly Scarlett Johansson) in Spike Jonze’s Her:
Set in the Los Angeles of the slight future, the story follows Theodore Twombly, a complex, soulful man who makes his living writing touching, personal letters for other people. Heartbroken after the end of a long relationship, he becomes intrigued with a new, advanced operating system, which promises to be an intuitive entity in its own right, individual to each user. Upon initiating it, he is delighted to meet “Dr. Steve Brule,” a childlike, male voice, who is severely naive, socially awkward and largely ignorant. As his needs and desires grow, in tandem with Theodore’s own, their friendship deepens into an eventual love for each other.
IN Nick Pisa’s report on the Rolf Harris sex trial, he tells Sky News readers:
The woman told the court she was assaulted in 1969 and was staying with friends when she woke up, came downstairs in her pyjamas and found Harris polishing wood.
PS – If you want to know the outcome of the case, it might be best not to check Mr Pisa against other sources.
DID you watch the film 12 Years A Slave and think ‘ nice threads, dude’?
You did. Because someone at Sainsbury’s heard your mind whirring and started offering shoppers the chance to dress like a black slave in the American deep south. You don’t need to be black to get the look. Sure it helps. But we don’t doubt that Sainsbury’s sensitive shop assistants at its Heyford Hill, Oxford, branch can direct you to boot polish section.
IT seems weird when really famous bands don’t get back together, especially when the lead singer is still alive. Look at Abba. Look at Talking Heads. Look at The Smiths.
Look at Led Zeppelin.
With the latter, Bonzo has obviously gone, but rest of them are still hanging around and even got it on for one night in London. So what’s the problem? Roll out the hits, don’t embarrass yourself and let everyone listen to ‘Black Dog’ really loud. Sounds like a winner, right?
Well, Jimmy Page has said that he is ‘fed up’ with Robert Plant for delaying Led Zeppelin reunion plans, so if you’re looking for someone to blame, blame ‘Percy’.
SHEILA Vogel-Coupe is back in the news. Connected X Factor wannabe Katie Waissel is the star of Channel 4’s My Granny The Escort. The Sun says Sheila is “Britain’s oldest prostitute — who charges £250 an hour for romps with men as young as 20.”
Adult woman has legal sex with mature men. Read all about it. When the story broke that Sheila was an embrace for hire, Sheila’s income suffered, as she told us: “Katie joined the X Factor and went to the press. She has ruined my career. I’m afraid she has. But I still wish her well and I love her.”
Sheila operated under the name Grand Dame Cecilia Bird. In 2010, the News of the World wrote about her in the story ‘Gum and get it’. The Sun called her the ‘£250-an-hour crinkly tart’ today in its customary cheapo recap of its sister paper’s exclusives.
Sheila entertains frustrated men in need of intelligent conversation, charming company and a harmless ejaculation while cradled in her arms.
HALLELUJA! It’s bearded space alien Jesus in a leisure suit is awesome at karate!
YouTuber theSadistVideos explains this 1986 ride:
A bearded ‘superman’ with no powers comes to earth in a powder-blue velour tracksuit to drive a silver dune buggy into an unrelated blaxploitation film about urban literacy. Appropriately released under two titles, this is Alien Warrior / King of the Streets !
THE Sun going for an Amy Willerton double-header today. In Colin Robertson’s story, Amy is at Cannes. No, not for a tanning, but for the film festival. Yes, the mo-del is an actor:
Amy got noticed. Chiefly by the Sun. Robertson trills:
A few months ago, during her appearance in I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, Amy’s acting skills were shown to the world when she pretended she didn’t have contraband make-up with her in the jungle.
THE Sun can “exclusively reveal that “Brooklyn Beckham has landed a weekend job in a coffee shop”.
Teenager gets part-time job in shop is a shocker to the Sun, but comes as little surprise to we who have long known about Brooklyn’s appreciation of buns and pastries:
The Sun’s story is about how normal and unaffected Brooklyn the part-time model is with fame and fortune. He’s so normal that like many famous and rich people he has his own unnamed “source” to speak on his behalf to the media:
“Brooklyn has got the world at his fingertips and could have a life of luxury if he wanted — but the lad is not that way inclined… They’re chuffed they’re back in London too, as American children are more spoilt and that’s not what they want to instil in their own kids.”
BY now you’ll be wondering what Paraguayan model Larissa Riquelme has been up since showing off her mobile phone holders at World Cup 2010? Well, Larissa, who famously vowed to cover her body in the country’s colours (tangerine, old gold and ‘varicose blue’) if they beat Spain (they didn’t – but still she streked), has undergone liposuction in order be in shape for the demands of World Cup 2014, and new tablet-sized phones and gadgets. Lest we forget:
NOVEMBER 1 1965:
Liberace, piano virtuoso who became known as Mr. Showmanship, is shown with Elvis Presley at the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas in November, 1956. (AP Photo)
GARETH Edwards’ Godzilla opens this week in theaters, and the question remains: will the new film assume its place among the classics of the giant monster movie genre, or falter badly instead, much like the 1998 version of the same material directed by Roland Emmerich?
Perhaps the answer to that question will only be answered by the passage of time. How will the new Godzilla age, given advances in special effects? Will the film’s central metaphor about Godzilla and nature prove as sturdy as the original Godzilla’s (1954) anti-nuclear message?
YOU’RE down the pub and someone walks in with a haircut like Steve Strange, and you shout “ALRIGHT SEAGULL HEAD?” If you don’t get a smack in the mouth, you go back to sipping your pint, chuckling to yourself.
Or maybe, you’re mucking around on Twitter and you see a selfie which is hilarious, so you screengrab it and share it with everyone, saying “Look at this fella! He looks like someone drew a dog on a butternut squash!”
When you get famous, you have to watch out for that because you’ll get branded as a cyberbully. Of course, everyone is a cyber bully from time-to-time. You slag off someone on TV? That’s basically the same thing? You call a writer from a newspaper names, that’s basically the same.
However, if you’re famous, EVERYBODY sees it.
And so, to Rihanna, who is being accused of cyberbullying after she took the piss out of a teen fan’s homemade prom outfit. Alexis Carter, a Baltimore high school student, designed a caped prom outfit which was inspired by an outfit worn by RiRi at the 2010 Echo Awards.
The outfit had a plunging neckline and a cape that resembled bat wings.
Carter’s photos were stumbled across and shared online, becoming a viral hit, with people referring to the girl as #PromBat. That was dismissed, but inevitably hurt. Then, Rihanna found them and posted about them, with a side-by-side comparison.
The second tweet compared the prom-semble to the Wu-Tang Clan logo.
“I was very offended,” Alexis said about Rihanna’s tweets. “Why throw shade on it when you had on the exact same thing. The poses was different but the outfit wasn’t.”
Carter was so unhappy with Rihanna’s tweets that she said she was no longer a fan, and that for her next prom, she would not dress up as her former idol. “She doesn’t love her fans like she says she does.”
Bants, going wrong since time began.