Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
JIAH Kahn, aka Nafisa Khan, the New York-born, London-raised Bollywood siren, has died. The body of the 25-year-old actress was found hanging. It looks a lot like suicide. But there was no note.
Bollywood actress Dia Mirza tweeted: “RIP Nafisa (Jiah) Khan. You were too young and beautiful…”
FACE of the Day: U.S. actor Steven Seagal looks on as he waits for a news conference of U.S. Congressional delegation to Russia in U.S. Embassy in Moscow, Russia, Sunday, June 2, 2013. A U.S. Congressional delegation to Russia learned little about what could have been done to prevent the Boston Marathon bombings, but got to hang out with Steven Seagal.
Things to note:
2. Is Seagal a top spy and counter-terrosism exponent in real life? Are all his films and TV show fly-on-the-wall documentaries?
3. Can you have too many watches?
4. Is John Travolta missing anything?
RESTORING our faith in music’s future are Unlocking The Truth, a sixth-grade metal band. It’s not all about Simon’s Cowell’s CD collection (now almost one-shelf long!). Take it away, Malcolm Brickhouse, Jarad Dawkins and Alec Atkins.
The boys (all 11-years-old) spoke to Vice:
Where do you guys get the ideas for your songs?
Jarad: Well, people judge Malcolm about… he wears nail polish and I dealt with it once and I see what Malcolm felt because everybody judged him, but I ignored it and I think he does too. Alec do you get judged?
Alec: No… I go to a weird school so, like, anything happens.
What do you guys think about rap?
Malcolm: I don’t like it at all.
Alec: Rap is meaningless.
Any rituals before you go on stage?
Jarad: I usually do paradiddles. It’s a drum strategy to get my arms in shape.
Malcolm: I sweep pick. And when I perform, I get nervous and start talking to myself. I say random things to myself to make me forget about why I’m nervous. I don’t know how that works. Or I sing to myself.
Alec: Before I perform I play “Seven Nation Army” to get my arm into shape because it’s on a whole bunch of different frets where you have to skip so, it helps with my arm.
So do you guys totally rule at Guitar Hero and Rock Band and stuff like that?
Malcolm: I do.
What’s your high score?
Malcolm. A hundred. A hundred percent.
What song were you playing when you killed it?
Jarad: “Bat Country,” by Avenged Sevenfold.
Do you think it helps you play the guitar?
Malcolm: Yeah I think so. It stretches my fingers out.
MICHAEL Douglas, self-declared former sex addict, star of Fatal Attraction and husband to Catherine Zeta Jones says he ‘caught’ throat cancer from oral sex.
In reply to the question as to whether his cancer was brought on by drinking and smoking, he replied:
“No. Because without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus… I did worry if the stress caused by my son’s incarceration didn’t help trigger it. But yeah, it’s a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer. And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it.”
Michael Douglas is 68. He should have waited until he was 69 to share.
PS – He did not get it from Romancing the Stone (geddit?!)
Spotter: The Guardian
INTERVIEWS need to adhere to one rule: be entertaining. Janice Turner writes in the Times of her meeting with Rhy Ifans, once described to me as having very very soft, unworkmanlike hands.
We discuss the spare, tight script of Gifted and I ask Ifans if he writes. “Yes, I do,” he says. “Screenplays, short stories, poetry, songs. I draw, I paint. What about you?” Clearly I’m not as creative as you. “Probably not.” Yes, I’m only a journalist. “Exactly. But don’t beat yourself up about it. God. You know, everyone needs news.” He sniggers to himself. And now I understand why he’s so condescending: Ifans is one of those actors who believes that he’s an “artist”.
Has he ever taken the media to the Press Complaints Commission? “Why should I tell you that?” Why not?
“I mean I would love to talk about it, but at the moment, because of certain proceedings, I can’t.”
(Later, looking through the Leveson sessions, I note that Ifans is mentioned as one of the celebrities whose medical records were leaked to a newspaper from a plastic surgery clinic.) Our conversation has reached such a level of hostility now that my most innocuous question is lobbed back at me with the intention of making me feel a tabloid-headed idiot. All the while, he glares fiercely into my eyes.
I ask whether, with many acclaimed roles behind him — he won a Bafta in 2005 for his portrayal of Peter Cook in Not Only But Always — he feels at 45 he has less to prove. “What I find”, he says gnomically, “is I am breathing in a lot deeper than I breathe out. I am taking my time.”
TO the World War Z Premiere at the Empire Leicester Square, London. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were there. It was Jolie’s first public appearance since her double mastectomy. The mega-budget film ($200m) stars a lank Pitt as a United Nations employee battling to save the world from a zombie apocalypse. The zombies are very fast. It can’t fail. Can it? It’s got Brad Pitt in it. And… did we mention Brad Pitt?
FLASHBACK to 29th November 1978: Douglas Adams, author of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, posing with topless model, Page 3 girl and Top of The Pops dancer Sheree Boyland dressed as Trillian, a character in the book:
THE Sun is gunning for Tulisa Contostavlos, the former X Factor judge. When she trotted off to Marbella, the Mail was upset by her fake tan but the Sun thundered “Tat’s too awful” as it zoomed on the singer’s bikini-line ink, a legend that declared “Lucky You”. The Sun, a bastion of fine taste, said Tulisa lacked “style and class”. And then the Sun upped the ante, leading with “Tulisa’s cocaine deal shame – X Factor star caught setting up secret sale with drugs pal.”
Having implied that Tulisa was shameless, the Sun appeared to have read her mind and found her limit. Former News of the World Fake Sheikh Mazher Mahmoud told readers:
The singer was taped telling undercover Sun reporters at London’s posh Nobu restaurant: “Half my phone book sells it. Of course I can get it for you. Half the guys I know are drug dealers. One’s a massive cocaine dealer. He’s my best friend. He’s a gangster — he’s my gangster.”
JIMMY Savile has not been purged from the BBC. Sure, the BBC wiped Savile from its Desert Island Discs database. But Savile still features on the BBC. He’s part of the BBC news feature on the London Marathon (see above).
When he appeared as a character on the children’s Tweenies show – Max Tweenie was dressed as the BBC and the NHS’s in-house pervert – the Sun was outraged. The BBC was aghast. It would never happen again. But now blogjam has spotted Savile elsewhere on the Beeb. On the Top of The Pops 2 site, you can send a pal a Jimmy Savile postcard. “Sir Jim’ll”… (molest your kids)…
You can read an interview with Savile on the same pages. Highlights are:
Was TOTP part of the ‘Swinging Sixties’?
Jimmy: TOTP epitomised what was going on for younger people at the time. It was simple insofar as most things were safe: sex was safe, a girl walking home late at night was safe. Booze hadn’t raised its head to the extent that it has today. Drugs were practically non-existent. It was such a time of freedom and emancipation for young people. Everything was wonderful and you could say that everything was safe and TOTP mirrored that. I made a big fuss of the audience, I made sure the audience got just as much camera coverage as the groups did, because I considered the audience, if anything, more important than the groups. You could see from their abandon that it was a perfectly natural demonstration of trouble-free joy.
Did TOTP benefit from coming to swinging London?
Jimmy: I don’t think TOTP gained anything by coming down to London from its base in Manchester. Nobody is important in London, nobody is rich, because London eats everybody! When it was in Manchester it was a recognisable entity, people worshipped TOTP. If they’d left it where it was, it would have still had that marvellous fresh flavour. You can’t take something into London and have that same freshness.
As it went through the 70’s TOTP was criticised for sexism – what is your view?
Jimmy: In the 70s, 80s and 90s there came something called Political Correctness. Now Political Correctness, apart from being a load of crap, is something that gives lesser people a tub to thump, people who are nothing. They would come and say you are doing this and that. Why didn’t they ask Pan’s People if they minded dancing in provocative gear? They enjoyed it. Queen Cleopatra wore gear like that – I mean, do me a favour! Political correctness has ruined more people, jobs, and atmospheres than anything else in today’s society.
Did the punk bands behave themselves?
Jimmy: Everybody behaved on TOTP. If they misbehaved, they ran the chance of not having their next record played. That was professional death so everybody behaved.
And will the BBC ever rerun the Grumbleweeds Radio Show? The Grumbleweeds once performed on the Childrens Royal Variety Show. Savile was there:
IRISH singer Carol Anthony, aka Havana, is said by the Sun to be dating Liverpool legend Ian Rush. The Sun alleges:
The Liverpool FC hero has been seeing Irish beauty Carol Anthony for three years in secret behind wife Tracy’s back.
There is talk of divorce.
By coincidence, Carol Anthony tweets:
Currently doing a tv show called Living With Legends which sees me having to live with sporting heros, really exciting and great TV!
In 1974, Lonely Ladies T-shirts presented “I Dreamt I was Raped by Mick Jagger in my David Bowie T-shirt”. Why was The Rolling Stones frontman wearing his alleged victim’s David Bowie T-shirt? And lest you think this was perverted, the San Francisco outfit let prospective rape victims know that their dream rapist could also be dressed as Elvis, Judy Garland or Boby Dylan…
TONIGHT, Alec Baldwin is America’s 13th President, Millard Fillmore – as seen in a 1849 Matthew Brady daguerreotype.
Fillmore was not murdered in office. He did not lead the US in a world war. As such, his character has appeared in pretty much no films whatsoever. The imdb reveals that Millard Fillmore appeared as a character in Lost River: Lincoln’s Secret Weapon (2009), the film based on the “True story of Anna Ella Carroll, unrecognized heroine of the American Civil War who assisted Lincoln as an unofficial cabinet member; she later devised the Tennessee River Plan that brought an early end to the war.” If you thought that was terrific, wait for the sequel, starring Baldwin as Millard Fillmore, the most forgettable unforgettable President in US history…
FOOTBALL too pricey? Theatre too challenging? So dads, why not bond with your son on a porno tape? Jessica Sexxxton, 56, and her daughter, Monica, 22, are looking to enact their own bonding exercise with a willing father and son tag team.
She plans parties, writes columns, goes to weddings, dates bankers and is the sister of our future Queen. But as Pippa Middleton nears her 30th birthday, nobody quite knows what path her career will take.
Is dating a banker a job? What about being a sibling? Being a wedding guest? Are they jobs?
If the Times wanted to present Pippa as a pampered, vapid extra to the main event it’s nailed it. Should Pippa shuffle of this mortal coil this afternoon, we’d image the paper’s obituary writers padding out their tribute by mentioning her selfless dedication to breathing through her nose in the First Class cabin, the ability to find her own arse with her own hands on pretty much any beach and her ability to watch tennis by the hour without yawning. (Prices on application.)
PS – We can exclusively reveal that the ‘X’ in PXM stands for Pippa’s new career in porn, her role in the Nation of Islam and a full-time job locating treasure.
THE Bath Fringe Festival has broadcast footage of a man masturbating. The pornographic DVD was part of the Fringe’s Fab 1catalogue of events at The Officers Club in Stall Street. No warning was given to punters as to the contents of the film. Visitors just sat before a 15ft screen, pressed play and watched a man choke the chicken.
Ian Dore watched the film with his 17-year-old niece. Rather then ho-hum, comment on the carpets and never mention it again, he called the police. And then he spoke to the press, telling the Bath Chronicle:
“My niece was appalled and clearly upset, I can’t speak for the others in the gallery as they had walked out. There was no dampening down of the imagery or soft focus, it was full on, in your face filth. There is no place for this in a public gallery. I simply cannot believe that the organisers of the Bath Fringe and the management of this piece deem this acceptable.”
The Bath Fringe bills itself thus:
Bath Fringe is a 17-Day festival of all the artforms we can find (and some that don’t have names yet) in the Beautiful City of Bath, with the collaboration of many of its Beautiful & Talented population.
But is it art? In 50 years or so the artist will be a Dame or a Sir and their show will be a stalwart of the West End. For now, though, the art is not wanted. Show Director Arran Hodgeson is so aghast he says he never knew what was on the DVD:
“We were not aware of what was on the DVD. We deal with around 15 to 20 curators, and we ask them to flag up any offensive material so we can view it and make a decision whether to show it. Unfortunately in this situation we were not made aware. We do not seek to shock or offend people, and we regret any offence caused by this film.”
Can we be certain that it was an art installation and not, say, live CCTV footage from a modern artist’s thinking room or a priests’ tape? Or maybe it was just the wrong DVD in the right box? At the same time as Mr Dore was watching onanism with his niece, an artist was surely sat in his lounge watching footage of traffic lights blinking on an off.
As for the police, they say:
“Officers went to the art gallery after we received a complaint from a man about a DVD, an exhibit at the show. We concluded that there was no offence being committed, and spoke to the gallery curator about the possibility of installing signs and perhaps a barrier so that members of the public would know about the DVD content before they viewed it.”
These are Fast Times at the Bath Festival. Form an orderly queue. And knock before entering…
It is a great system, unless you’re some wealthy swine who shouldn’t be begging to people considerably less well off than you.
BARBARA Eden is 78. The I Dream of Jeannie star looked terrific in her crop-top and harem pantaloons as, watched by former U.S. Olympic diver Greg Louganis and the singer Fergie, she opened the 21st Life Ball in front of city hall in Vienna, Austria.
Eden then conjured up her new master, Bill Clinton.
What odds he was revisiting those ruby dream of Jeannie from his youth?
ARE comics making more cash than footballers? Yes. So we’re told:
Laughing all the way to the bank: The comics who are earning a fortune and even overtaking Premier League footballers.
Peter Kay tops the list, pocketing £32.8million in the past two years.
Michael McIntyre next highest earner on the list with earnings topping £21m.
Third is John Bishop reporting profits of £6.3m in two years.
REMEMBER when Janet Jackson had a perfectly orchestrated ‘malfunction’ with her wardrobe during the Super Bowl, when her boobie fell out?
Well, it has happened again, except this time, it looks like a genuine accident (albeit one that could’ve been prevented with, say, a bra or a top that actually fits).
IN 1890, Bernulf Clegg wrote asked Oscar Wilde to expand on a line in his preface to The Picture of Dorian Gray: ”All art is quite useless.” Wilde replied:
16, TITE STREET,
My dear Sir
Art is useless because its aim is simply to create a mood. It is not meant to instruct, or to influence action in any way. It is superbly sterile, and the note of its pleasure is sterility. If the contemplation of a work of art is followed by activity of any kind, the work is either of a very second-rate order, or the spectator has failed to realise the complete artistic impression.
A work of art is useless as a flower is useless. A flower blossoms for its own joy. We gain a moment of joy by looking at it. That is all that is to be said about our relations to flowers. Of course man may sell the flower, and so make it useful to him, but this has nothing to do with the flower. It is not part of its essence. It is accidental. It is a misuse. All this is I fear very obscure. But the subject is a long one.
LIKE you, the Sun knows that when a man is hacked to death as a sacrifice to his alleged killers’ jihadi god, Russell Brand’s view is important. The murder of Lee Rigby needs the celebrity angle. Writes Brand:
I caught up with the sad malice in Woolwich and felt compelled to tweet in casual defence of the Muslim community who were being haphazardly condemned by a few people on my time line.
The alleged killer specifically identified himself as Muslim. He also cited the koran. Of course, only a fool believes the worst of any group typifies it. But that does not mean the psycho’s actions should not be confronted and explained.
Brand once went amongst the BNP and nailed them. He adds:
I simply feel that it is important that our reaction is measured.
Who owns Commander Chris Hadfield’s version of Space Oddity? Copyright issues are trickier than space travel
SPACE Commander Chris Hadfield sang David Bowie’s Space Oddity as his finale to his International Space Station show. And when he did, he potentially opened a can of worms (and lawyers). You can send a man to live in space. No sweat. But it’s much harder to work out who owns the words he says when he’s up there.
The song “Space Oddity” is under copyright protection in most countries, and the rights to it belong to Mr Bowie. But compulsory-licensing rights in many nations mean that any composition that has been released to the public (free or commercially) as an audio recording may be recorded again and sold by others for a statutorily defined fee, although it must be substantively the same music and lyrics as the original. But with the ISS circling the globe, which jurisdiction was Commander Hadfield in when he recorded the song and video? Moreover, compulsory-licensing rights for covers of existing songs do not include permission for broadcast or video distribution. Commander Hadfield’s song was loaded onto YouTube, which delivers video on demand to users in many countries around the world. The first time the video was streamed in each country constituted publication in that country, and with it the potential for copyright infringement under local laws. Commander Hadfield could have made matters even more complicated by broadcasting live as he sang to an assembled audience of fellow astronauts for an onboard public performance while floating from segment to segment of the ISS.
What did Prince Philip say to a Polish research scientist as he toured Cambridge’s Medical Research Council’s Laboratory of Molecular Biology?
WHAT did Prince Philip says to a Polish research scientist as he toured Cambridge’s Medical Research Council’s Laboratory of Molecular Biology (LMB)?
a) “Watch out for the Germans”
b) “Liz’s plumbing’s gone bit leaky”