Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
The Night That Changed America: A Grammy Salute To The Beatles May Well Be The Worst Karaoke Gig Ever
AMERICA’S fondness for The Beatles is unwavering and borderline bizarre. Of course, The Beatles are brilliant and hugely significant, but it isn’t like The States have a plethora of heroes to celebrate that belong to their shores.
Either way, they’ll be celebrating The Fabs again with a show called The Night That Changed America: A Grammy Salute To The Beatles, which will be recorded at the Los Angeles Convention Centre on January 27.
BREAKING news from Aspen, Colorado. CNN has it:
Celebrities tweet reaction to a small plane crash that occurred at the airport in Aspen, Colorado.
The report adds that “many of the rich and famous” holiday in Aspen. Maybe they can tweet CNN to show us that they are still rich and famous?
I hope they celebs are ok…
WOMEN. You bodies are shapes. Not shapeley. Just shapes.
In “Hourglass figure is a thing of the past… we’ve all gone square”, the Sun produces its guide to celebrity womanhood.
“TV Jim” is Jim Davidson, who when flying back to appear on Celebrity Big Brother was arrested at Heathrow Airport on suspicion of abusing a young woman decades previously. The Celebrity Police Force swooped, nicking Davidson in full view in a public place. He wasn’t flying out of the country; he was flying in. He’d have headed to his Hampshire home. Why didn’t the police arrest him there? Are the police now our moral vigilantes?
FAREWELL then, Ronnie Biggs.
Morrissey Delivers To Deadline: Cilla Black And Jamie Oliver Eat Babies And The Meat Eating Queen Is Like A Paedo
MISERABILIST MORRISSEY has been been talking to fans. A few highlights to follow:
If you have access to You Tube, you should click on to what is called The video the meat industry doesn’t want you to see. If this doesn’t affect you in a moral sense then you’re probably granite. I see no difference between eating animals and paedophilia. They are both rape, violence, murder. If I’m introduced to anyone who eats beings, I walk away. Imagine, for example, if you were in a nightclub and someone said to you “Hello, I enjoy bloodshed, throat-slitting and the destruction of life,” well, I doubt if you’d want to exchange phone numbers
IS HEAVY Metal, the music sound hewn in the British Midlands, big in black, sub-Saharan Africa? South African photographer Franck Marshall found a throbbing pocket of metal in Botswana.
The metallers have cracking names. The chap above calls himself “Death”.
FANS of The Smiths, and in particular Morrissey, are a weirdly devoted bunch. Their fervour isn’t matched by the output they receive from the Grand Miserablist.
The Smiths, of course, deserve their place in the annals of popular music simply for popularising an outcast spirit of disenfranchisement. They turned it into an artform and teenagers the world over fell for it, hook, line and sinker. Their records, objectively, weren’t great for the most part… but like The Clash or The Doors, it is what The Smiths stood for which made them so loved.
THE Day The Clown Cried is an unreleased 1972 Jerry Lewis film. It’s the story of a clown who finds himself in a concentration camp during the Holocaust.
Like the Aryan Papers, Stanley Kubrick’s Holocaust drama, Francis Ford Coppola’s Megalopolis and David O Russell’s Nailed (a small town waitress gets a nail accidentally lodged in her head causing unpredictable behavior that leads her to Washington, DC) you won’t have seen it.
The film ends in a gas chamber, with the clown going in to face his death with a group of terrified children, trying to make them laugh in order take away their fear. It ends with them all locked in, the kids laughing as the clown juggles stale bread.
Why did he make it?
JerryLewis.com has more:
In 1971, producer Nate Waschberger asked Jerry to direct and star in “The Day the Clown Cried”, based on Joan O’Brien’s book by the same name, about a German clown who was arrested by the Gestapo, interred in a concentration camp, and used to march Jewish children into the ovens. Jerry lost close to 40 pounds to play the role. The shooting began in Stockholm, but Waschberger not only ran out of money to complete the film, but he failed to pay Joan O’Brien the money she was owed for the rights to the story. Jerry was forced to finish the picture with his own money. The film has been tied up in litigation ever since, and all of the parties involved have never been able to reach an agreeable settlement. Jerry hopes to someday complete the film, which remains to this day, a significant expression of cinematic art, suspended in the abyss of international litigation.
Why was it never released? In 2009, Lewis spoke with Entertainment Weekly:
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: When I asked you about The Day the Clown Cried, you shut me down pretty quickly.
JERRY LEWIS: Why do I want to go there? If you want to play 10 Questions with me, you can ask me any 10 questions you want about it and you’ll get a pretty good amount of answers. And it will only be to satisfy you that it’s not so shut-down because you’re a nice man and I’m comfortable with you. I’ll give you 10 questions.
Okay, I better weigh them…
I’ve never done this before, I’d like to see what I come up with. Don’t f— this up, Chris!
Do they have to be yes/no questions?
No, I didn’t say that. That’s kind of limiting.
Will I ever see The Day the Clown Cried?
He writes on a piece of white paper in green ink: NO.
Is there more than one copy of the film?
He writes: NO.
Is the film in a safe somewhere?
Okay, number four: is the reason the film has not been released because you are unhappy with it?
He writes: Yes/No.
Which doesn’t mean that Yes, I’m unhappy with the work that I did. But who am I preserving it for? No one’s ever gonna see it. But the preservation that I believe is that, when I die, I’m in total control of the material now. Nobody can touch it. After I’m gone, who knows what’s going to happen? I think I have the legalese necessary to keep it where it is. So I’m pretty sure that it won’t be seen. The only thing that I do feel, that I always get a giggle out of, some smart young guy like Chris is going to come up with an idea and he’s going to run the f—ing thing. I would love that. Because he’s going to see a hell of a movie!
I was going to ask you, it’s only creating more interest and tougher criticism if and when it is ever shown.
Of course, of course. What the f— is he saving?!
I’m honestly surprised as hell.I am too. I’m very surprised. There’s a gurgling inside that I get when I think about, would this make certain that the Holocaust would never happen again? It’s too small a piece. It isn’t large enough to make a dynamic impact.
Do you think Jewish audiences would like it?
Jews? Oh, they would love it. I traveled for 18 months from Stuttgart to Belsen to Auschwitz. I was putting together my crew and they brought me a man named Rolf, who was the guy who pulled the f—ing lever on the gas chamber. And I said the only way I ever allow him near me, no less interview him, would be if he understood that I am concerned about the accuracy of the film and it would be because I need some information. But I said to my production manager, “I’m not sure I can handle it.” After about six weeks of pretty good meditation, I talked to the guy. The question nobody could answer, that the victims couldn’t answer, was: Where were they [when they] were waiting for the ones ahead of them in the gas chambers? How long were they waiting? Where were they standing? Was there an adjacent room? Did they sit? What kind of time was involved? The torture here was waiting! And they couldn’t dull the sound effects, the screaming. Could I get that information from this man? I wanted to wear a mask so he wouldn’t know it was me. When he came into the office and sat down, I thought, This poor human being. I’m sitting there and it was five after nine at night by the time we were done talking and I was…undone. But he gave me the bottom of his f—ing soul! He wanted penance. I kept looking at his right hand. I was going to ask him which hand did you do it with? I couldn’t do it.
You can read the film’s script in full here.
Harry Shearer told Spy Magazine:
With most of these kinds of things, you find that the anticipation, or the concept, is better than the thing itself. But seeing this film was really awe-inspiring, in that you are rarely in the presence of a perfect object. This was a perfect object. This movie is so drastically wrong, its pathos and its comedy are so wildly misplaced, that you could not, in your fantasy of what it might be like, improve on what it really is. “Oh My God!” — that’s all you can say.
This experimental silent short is very rare (filmed in 8mm) and only lasts 11 minutes. Nigel Gordon, film student, filmed Syd Barrett while he tripped on mushrooms. This film is made up of two parts. Part 1: Syd tripping at Gog Magog Hills. Part 2: April ’67, Pink Floyd right after they signed their first recording contract, with EMI Records at Abbey Road Studios.
Early signs of the Pink Floyd front-man’s mental disintegration were apparent in 1967. That year he appeared on stage with an entire tube of Brylcreem in his hair into which – according to some accounts – he had crushed a handful of Mandrax tablets. Mandies or not, the lotion melted under the lights, leaving him looking like ‘a guttered candle’. The song Vegetable Man (unreleased) reflected Syd’s self-loathing at the time…
JAMES Robertson is helping the Daily Mirror gain ground on Bullshit.com by wrapping a lot of words around wrapping a story around Cheryl Cole’s Instagram photo.The headline tells readers:
Cheryl Cole celebrates New Year by kissing the luckiest boy in the entire world
THIS year would mark the 50th anniversary of Top Of The Pops. The show was, until relatively recently, a cornerstone of British television. A mixture of people’s interest shifting to the internet, and the BBC’s complete failure to stay in touch with youth culture and an over-reliance on the Glastonbury coverage saw TOTP falling by the wayside.
And then there’s the ongoing Jimmy Savile child abuse scandal.
TO MAKE IT in the music biz and get some publicity, it used to be a requirement to take some “professional” photographs for local newspapers, magazines, and venue posters. Trouble is, thirty to forty years later someone like me is going to share them with the world. Chances are, your press photos are a tad on the awkward side, and I’ll have a snarky comment or two. Shake it off. It’s all in good fun. Maybe you can even point and laugh at the other bands.
DJ Derek is Derek Serpell-Morris. He’s 72. Last night the Bristolian played his last ever show at London’s Notting Hill Arts Club. Derek is the Cadbury accountant who became a much-loved dance hall DJ.
ETSY seller DMAGIC has created this wondrous Steve Buscemi Christmas Candle:
WHEN Muhammad Ali and Michael Jackson in 1977:
CAN we trust Eddie Izzard to be Mayor of London?
He tells the Guardian‘s Decca Aitkenhead on December 14, 2013:
“Look, it doesn’t really matter,” he says curtly. “I do universal humour.” Eventually, he says, he will learn Arabic, too. “I was born in Yemen, so it’s my duty to do this when Arab people are struggling so hard to try to get democracy going. I have to play Yemen. This is right that I should be doing this.”
THE late Keith Moon was once asked whether he thought he was the greatest drummer in the world, he replied: “I’m the greatest Keith Moon-style drummer in the world”, and no one can argue with that. However Moon is just as famous, even today, for packing in far more than his fair share of convivial nights during his short eventful life. He died in September 1978 just two weeks after his 32nd birthday when he fell unconscious, never to wake up, in the Mayfair flat of his close-friend Harry Nilsson. Coincidentally, it was the very same bed where Mama Cass Elliot had died four years earlier.
WE’VE entered a strange time for films. Films everyone can remember first time round are being remade, Ryan Reynolds is still getting work and, weirdest of all, films are being made based on toys.
Now, of course, action figures and the like have ended up on the silver screen, but the Rihanna-starring ‘Battleship’, based on a coordinates board game, flummoxed everyone. What next? Well, to save us all from a ‘what’s next – [insert ludicrous ‘Monkey Tennis’ idea here] joke’, we’ll cut to the chase.
Candy Crush, that’s what.
DID the parents of three children named Ream pick the moniker in honour of The Only Way Is Essex’s Joey Essex, who uses the word to men “good” or “well good”?
One reason we like Essex is that his name fits his job. He lives and works in Essex. He is called Essex. It’s hard to think that Joey Dorset would have faired to well. And Joey Kent would have been viewed as an interloper.
The Sun says Essex has inspired: “A Ream come true for fans of Towie – Babies named after Joey’s catchphrase.”
Dippy TV star Joey, 23, usually spells it “Reem” and together with “Creepysick” uses it to describe something as “amazing”.
ON Australia’s The Cricket Show. Piers Morgan faced Brett Lee. There was nowhere to hide:
IN Huddersfield in 1977, the Sex Pistols held a Christmas party for the children of striking firefighters.
A documentary about this party and the extraordinary times in which it occurred, when the band were hounded from pillar to post and banned in most towns, will be shown on BBC 4 at 10pm on Boxing Day (and subsequently on the iPlayer).
By rock’n’roll standards the party was tame, but Johnny Rotten’s antics – including diving face first into the cake – deserve a modest place in the Celebrity Party Tricks Hall of Fame. Read the rest of this entry »
Read the rest of this entry »
A PETA press release received actually says this:
“In 2009, Morrissey made international headlines when he walked off stage at a US music festival, stating that he hoped the ‘burning flesh’ he smelled was human… So it was only fitting that he was named PETA’s Person of the Year in 2011.”
The Tao of David Coleman
He was born at Alderley Edge, the place now famous as the luxury location of choice for the gated homes of multi-millionaire footballers. But Coleman is a man synonymous with the blurred black-and-white ‘soccer’ of a more simple, if not innocent era.
HAVING trouble working out which airport plan for London is best? Well, worry no more. The Fonz is here to help make sense of it all. Hey-throw: