Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
THE tweet purporting to be from Paris Hilton saluted the passing of Nelson Mandela:
THE Beckhams are returning to the UK. No longer will we have to catch snippets of their life overseas through foreign newspapers and photos from the society pages. Back home, we’ll get to see them all the time. And in readiness for the big return, the Beckhams’ family home is being made ready. Heat magazine reports that the mansion will feature a “James Bond-style” kitchen.
ON the Sunday morning of 21 September 1969, a slightly-built Chief Inspector convinced some hippies inside a squat at a large five storey mansion at 144 Piccadilly to lower an improvised wooden drawbridge so doctors could help a seriously ill person inside. The drawbridge came down and Chief Inspector Michael Rowling flung himself bravely across the barricaded opening to establish a bridgehead. Suddenly a police sergeant blew his whistle and shouted “Come on lads – let’s go in!” and a hundred policemen, seemingly from nowhere, charged over the bridge and through the front door.
HUGE swathes of the press are incredibly excited about the Nigella Lawson court case because they’re getting loads of juicy information on her private life without having to rummage around in bins, tap phones or interview a soul!
Perfect for the modern, lazy hack.
However, it seems that no-one on Fleet Street has actually realised what is being revealed – that Nigella is actually very normal and that the life of a celebrity is crushingly similar to most people’s.
WILLIAM Shatner, for his cover of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, is usually cited as the cardinal wrongdoer among the long list of actors and actresses taking a spin at a singing career. But I must confess, Shat’s spoken-word rendition has grown on me. His sincerity and hamminess are just freaking adorable. For that matter, The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins by his Star Trek comrade, Leonard Nimoy, is equally endearing.
No, this list has nothing adorable in it. There’s nothing charming about a single chord on these celebrity records – nothing to latch onto and attach some redeeming quality. These are objectively awful from the first note to the last.
“Rape” by Peter Wyngard (1970)
In France of course, where fun is greedy
The women are a little more seedy
And rape is hardly ever necessary
Marketing manager Nicola Baker explains: “The Culture Guide has proven to be enormously popular with cultural organisations and the public. It has also been an excellent form of promotion of the Hull City of Culture bid and was used extensively as a backdrop on the day when Hull was announced as the winner, being featured on national and international media reports.
“A large number of groups and individuals contributed suggestions of people, places and events for inclusion. Poppy Morgan is an acclaimed actress – albeit in the adult film industry. She won Best Female Actress of the Year at the 2006 UK Adult Film and Television Awards in London. This guide is clearly not about condoning porn but it is about celebrating Hull’s diversity of culture and entertainment.”
SIR Bradley Wiggins has apologised after cracking an unfortunate joke at the Firecracker Ball in aid of Barnado’s.
Wiggo had donated a signed shirt and when his face appeared on the giant screen he turned to auctioneer Jon Hammond, and said: “You’ve got a posh voice, I like posh voices. Suck me off.”
WHEN actor Paul Walker died in a car crash along with Roger Rodas, the internet reacted. Both men are survived by a young family.
PAUL Walker, 40, died when the Porsche in which he was a passenger crashed into a lamp post in Santa Clarita and burst into flames.
IN 1922, Walt Disney brought us the Little Red Riding Hood laugh-o-gram. This was Walt Disney’s first full-length short cartoon.
* In 1915, Disney founded the Laugh-O-Gram Studio in Kansas City, Missouri, inviting some of animation’s future greats, including Iwerks, Hugh Harman, Friz Freleng, and Rudolph Ising, to create fairy tale cartoons. This program features six of these tales: Little Red Riding Hood (aka Grandma Steps Out), Jack the Giant Killer (aka The KO Kid), Puss in Boots (aka The Cat’s Whiskers), Goldie Locks and the Three Bears (aka The Peroxide Kid), The Four Musicians of Bremen, and Newman Laugh-O-Grams. Iwerks, a Kansas City native, followed Disney to Hollywood, where he was instrumental in the creation of the Alice Comedies and the transformation of Oswald the Lucky Rabbit into Mickey Mouse.
CELEBRITIES live in a wonderfully weird world. Look at Cheryl Cole for example, who just got a load of money for not doing any work. She’s won a payout from producers of X factor USA, after she got dropped from the show after just one episode because she’s got an accent.
It was widely rumoured and reported that she got the chop because producers thought that Americans wouldn’t be able to understand her when she spoke with her Geordie accent.
She sued production company Blue Orbit for for £1.4m for loss of earnings and now the case has now been settled out of court, with the Girls Aloud member accepting a lovely undisclosed sum.
PEACHES Geldof used her Twitter blog to name the two women linked to convicted child abuser Ian Watkins. The two mothers (aged 21 and 24) allowed Watkins, 36, to abuse their children. The court granted the children lifelong anonymity. And then Peaches tweeted their mothers’ names. Foolish.
Geldof then tweeted:
“The babies will most probably be given new identities to protect them from future abuse from other paedos… The question of wether (sic) or not to give anonymity to criminals in cases like this will go on forever. However, these women and Watkins will be gettings (sic) three meals a day, a double bed, cable TV etc – all funded by the tax payer alongside not being named apparently. It makes me sad.”
THE Daily Mirror leads with a tribute to actor Lewis Collins “A True Professional”.
LEWIS Collins, hairdresser-turned tough-nut actor, has died. Most famous for playing police enforcer William Bodie in the cult 1970s TV series The Professionals, Lewis succumbed to a prolonged battle with cancer.
Lord Grade, who launched the programme in 1977, told the BBC:
“It worked perfectly and the chemistry between the two of them was magic,” he said on Radio 4′s World At One. [Collins] was Bodie – he was a very macho character in real life. He got us into trouble one time where he had a few days off from filming where he went parachute jumping and broke his leg which held up the filming. But what you saw on screen was the same as what you saw off the screen – he was just a big, hunky, macho character with a lovely innocence about him.”
WHEN singer Roy Harper, 72, has been charged with sexually abusing a girl from the age of 12, we thought it unfortunate that just five days earlier BBC Radio 6 Music broadcast a show about him. It’s title? The First Time With Roy Harper:
Note: Mr Harper was not required to enter a plea to any of the charges.
IAN Watkins, singer of Welsh rock band Lostprophets, is guilty of “depraved” child sex offences. This is him.
This is him in court:
This is him in the studio:
This is Ian H Watkins of Steps:
They are not the same person:
Still. You might laugh…
EAST Sussex Council have named their roads gritting lorries Grittney Spears and Usain Salt. There’s a TV show, too:
Visitors to East Sussex County Council’s will be able to watch the progress of the gritting vehicles as they travel across 950 miles of roads
All very entertaining, and notable for the lack of Other once famous souls, such as Brad Grit and, erm, Gary Gritter.
WILL Young will “show the children what ‘gay’ really means”. Ooer:
Spotter: Brendan O’Neill
CAN the Sun create a RACE STORM from nothing? It can try. In “Fans were so racist Hannah shocked by X Factor abuse”, X Factor wannabe Hannah Barrett is pictured looking a tad morose.
Hannah told TV Biz: “I’ve had a lot of hate — people have been racist to me. They say they hate my music, they tell me that because I am black I can’t ever be a singer.”
FACE of the Day: Chris Twamley (centre) from Reading is dressed as Obi-wan Kenobi as he joins hundreds of budding actors queuing for hours for a chance to act on the new Star Wars film as Disney hold open auditions at Twickenham Stadium in West London.
THE Automated Cat Petting Machine is a real thing. No. It’s not RoboSpinster. It’s John Reed’s work for his senior thesis film at Tyler in 1987. As he says, “The Cat Petter turned out to be far more interesting than the film”. Our tip would be to rename it the BBC DJ Recruiter and call the cops on the old stroker:
JOHNNY Cash made a list of “Things To Do Today”.
Do to-do lists work?
Benjamin Franklin made a list. He tried too hard, say John Tierney and psychologist Roy F. Baumeister in Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. (Via.)
Franklin tried a divide-and-conquer approach. He drew up a list of virtues and wrote a brief goal for each one, like this one for Order: ‘Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.’
When, as a young journeyman printer, he tried to practice Order by drawing up a rigid daily work schedule, he kept getting interrupted by unexpected demands from his clients — and Industry required him to ignore the schedule and meet with them. If he practiced Frugality (‘Waste nothing’) by always mending his own clothes and preparing all his own meals, there’d be less time available for Industry at his job — or for side projects like flying a kite in a thunderstorm or editing the Declaration of Independence. If he promised to spend an evening with his friends but then fell behind his schedule for work, he’d have to make a choice that would violate his virtue of Resolution: ‘Perform without fail what you resolve.’
Franklin wrote his list in 1726, at the age of 20. It’s more of a set of rules than a list. (Source: The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin; Image: Benjamin Franklin, via.)
TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
SILENCE. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
MODERATION. Avoid extreams; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.
TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.
HUMILITY. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.
Woody Guthrie made lists:
“Wake Up And Fight”
Jonathan Swift made this list in 1699:
Not to marry a young Woman.
Not to keep young Company unless they reely desire it.
Not to be peevish or morose, or suspicious.
Not to scorn present Ways, or Wits, or Fashions, or Men, or War, &c.
Not to be fond of Children, or let them come near me hardly.
Not to tell the same story over and over to the same People.
Not to be covetous.
Not to neglect decency, or cleenlyness, for fear of falling into Nastyness.
Not to be over severe with young People, but give Allowances for their youthfull follyes and weaknesses.
Not to be influenced by, or give ear to knavish tatling servants, or others.
Not to be too free of advise, nor trouble any but those that desire it.
To desire some good Friends to inform me wch of these Resolutions I break, or neglect, and wherein; and reform accordingly.
Not to talk much, nor of my self.
Not to boast of my former beauty, or strength, or favor with Ladyes, &c.
Not to hearken to Flatteryes, nor conceive I can be beloved by a young woman, et eos qui hereditatem captant, odisse ac vitare.
Not to be positive or opiniative.
Not to sett up for observing all these Rules; for fear I should observe none.
The Zeigarnik Effect is the tendency to experience intrusive thoughts about an objective that was once pursued and left incomplete (Baumeister & Bushman, 2008, pg. 122). The automatic system signals the conscious mind, which may be focused on new goals, that a previous activity was left incomplete. It seems to be human nature to finish what we start and, if it is not finished, we experience dissonance.
A study done by Greist-Bousquet and Schiffman (1992) provided evidence for the Zeigarnik Effect. In this paper, the authors stated that there is a tendency or “need” to complete a task once it has been initiated and the lack of closure that stems from an unfinished task promotes some continued task related cognitive effort. The cognitive effort that comes with these intrusive thoughts of the unfinished task is terminated only once the person returns to complete the task.
Tierney and Baumeister address that anew:
[It] turns out that the Zeigarnik effect is not, as was assumed for decades, a reminder that continues unabated until the task gets done. The persistence of distracting thoughts is not an indication that the unconscious is working to finish the task. Nor is it the unconscious nagging the conscious mind to finish the task right away. Instead, the unconscious is asking the conscious mind to make a plan. The unconscious mind apparently can’t do this on its own, so it nags the conscious mind to make a plan with specifics like time, place, and opportunity. Once the plan is formed, the unconscious can stop nagging the conscious mind with reminders.”