Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
KIM Karadashian and Kanye West are engaged to be engaged in a TV and internet multimedia spectacular leading to a low-key wedding. Before the mountain top can be hired and Prince Harry booked to serve the rings on Prince George’s plumped rump, here’s the proposal. It adheres to Anorak’s Teddy Bear Holding A Heart-Shaped Balloon Rule: the boyfriend who makes a big show of his love is not reassuring you; he’s reassuring himself.
This is Kanye who broke the news of his wife’s womb carrying an embryonic project by yelling at a crowd of strangers: “Can we make some noise for my baby mama right quick!”
TERRIBLE Taglines: The Day Of The Dolphins (1973):
“Unwittingly He Trained A Dolphin To Kill The President Of The United States”
IN Coreyography, former child star Corey Feldman tells of his life. Parts of it sound awful. Although, as he said:
“I had a terrible childhood. I can only compare it to someone born in Ethiopia, or Iraq, or who is born into slavery, or gang life. Well I haven’t lived through that, but the next step down.”
IN Fiorucci Made Me Hardcore, British artist Mark Leckey produced what one critic called “the finest portrayal of British nightlife ever captured”.
Jonathan Jones added that “(Leckey) haunts the secret parts of modern culture, where memory and emotion linger”.
What he did was to capture the feeling of dancing in a night club in the 70s, 80s and 90s.
Says Leckey of his 1999 film:
“It took two years to create, but it was made of 30 years of repressed desire.”
POTO and Cabengo were Grace and Virginia Kennedy. In 1976, these San Diego twins were eight years old. Jean-Pierre Gorin created a study of the girls who spoke in their own secret language. Time magazine produced an extract of their dialogue:
Pinit, putahtraletungay”(Finish, potato salad hungry)
“Nis, Poto?” (This, Poto?)
“Liba Cabingoat, it”(Dear Cabengo, eat)
“la moa, Poto?” (Here more, Poto?)
But was it a secret language? Their father thought the girls’ gibbering fools, mentally negligible and not worthy of educating. He was wrong. Advised to place them in speech therapy, their teacher realised they were speaking a language only they understood.
In July 22, 1979, the LA Times Reported:
Gorin explained his film to Bomb magazine:
A low-budget independent film, shot in San Diego in 1979, in 16mm color negative. It’s an investigation, a film “around” an event—the case of the Kennedy twins. They were front page news at the time, as it was believed they had invented a “private language,” a private mode of communication, with a syntax and a vocabulary of its own. But this kind of an answer seems to frame Poto and Cabengo as a classical documentary…
I got hold of the event through the press. It was the middle of the summer and news was sparse. The Loch Ness monster had been nowhere in sight that year, and I suspect the journalists felt the twins would be a good substitute. They built up a case which reeked of Wild Child mystique. The very day I saw the first article on the twins, Eckardt Stein from ZDF was passing through town and I sold him the idea of a film. I lied through my teeth, told him that I had seen the twins, seen the therapists who took care of them at Children’s Hospital, secured the rights to the story. I assured Stein that they spoke a “private language.” He agreed to do the film. But when I saw the twins for the first time I immediately realized that the story as the press—and by then, myself—had cast it was not there. There was no private language and never had been. All along the twins had spoken a Creolized language, some densely unintelligible American/English, a patchwork of southern lingo spoken by their father and of the deformations imposed on the English language by their German-born mother.
The story had become bigger than the girls.
I got excited by the idea of inquiring about something which had never been there in the first place, which had been so completely misconstrued. It seemed like an eminently dramatic premise: two kids who moved and sounded like hummingbirds, who for years had been privately deciphering the world for each other, who did not know why they had suddenly become the object of so much attention, and who by now were for the therapists and linguists just two rather “ordinary” kids with banal problems of auditory information processing, while the press was still “Ripleying” their case to death. At the same time their parents were desperately hoping to convert their 15 minutes of Warholian celebrity into some hard cash. It seemed pretty interesting to try to unravel all these conflicting interests at work below the surface of this event. And don’t forget to add me, the filmmaker, to the stew: me, with my own agenda, trying to get a film out of this whole situation.
What happened to the girls?
The only clue is from a show about twins that aired on TLC around 2000, which reported that Virginia and Grace were still developmentally disabled. We are told this:
Now approaching 30, the twins continue to experience speech problems and mental delays. Grace, who has achieved a higher level of functioning than her sister, works at a McDonald’s cleaning tables and mopping. Virginia works at a job-training center and performs assembly-line work.
TRUDIE Styler, the jet-set eco-warrior and Mrs Sting, is planning to up her “occasional use of aviation fuel” and leave the UK for good. She has told the Times’s Helena de Bertodano from her home in New York:
“I don’t want to criticise my country but there are times I feel that Sting and myself have been treated unkindly [by the British press]… feel much more relaxed here, not having to second guess myself.
“Sting and I need to think what our relationship is to England in the long term or whether we will make a permanent move here. There are a lot of things we love about England but I do like the optimism of the US, the feeling that whatever you make of yourself is ‘good on you’.”
WHAT did Mike Myers say when he discovered his wife Kelly Tisdale was pregnant with their second child? He said… We’ll let them tell you:
Quoting film lijns is never a good idea – unless you’re in a film:
PROFESSIONAL stage grinder Rihanna has been upbraided by officials at Abu Dhabi’s Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque. Why? For these photos, that’s why.
WHAT IS FASHION MINGA?
Is it a fashion site for mingas?
Fashion Minga is a collaboration of designers, performers, and tastemakers coming together to celebrate the various components that inspire fashion: music, dance, color, shape and visual elements.
“Minga” is an Ecuadorian term for “a community coming together to work for the benefit of all”.
So. It isn’t just a British term for, as the Urban Dictionary defines:
a male or female who fell out of the ugly tree at birth and hit every branch on the way down
God that girl/boy is so minging she really needs to work on her personality
FRANK Sidebottom has been immortalised in bronze. The 5ft 8in tribute to the papier-mache alter ego of Chris Sievey has been installed in Timperley, Greater Manchester. It was unveiled on Stockport Road at precisely 11.37am.
DAN WOOTTON, Head of Showbiz - no small title when you grew up in New Zealand – has news on Katie Price’s marriage to Alex ‘Reidinator’ Reid, the walking Toffee Crisp.
We learn that Alex would dress as a woman called Roxanne. Katie would become Lady J.
In an exclusive interview, Alex tells The Sun on Sunday: “Katie says there were three people in our marriage, but there were actually four — me, her, Roxanne and Lady J. When she was Lady J, I had to stop her from doing things. She became very smutty and was an exhibitionist. I’d have to hold her back to stop her from taking her clothes off, even if we were in public.”
IN My Shoes: a Memoir by Tamara Mellon with William Patrick, tell the story if the woman who helped Malaysian cobbler Jimmy Choo become a to-die-for brand of the well-heeled. The book might be subtitled Putting Leboutin (geddit?) because Mellon has a few bon mots about her business partners and lovers.
A few highlights from her chat with the Times’s Stefanie Marsh:
“In the New Year. I will give interviews and talk about the MONSTER Private Equity has become and the VULTURES that operate in it.”
ANOTHER gem from Morrissey’s new autobiography, Autobiography, is this wonderful little tale regaling the gladioli-whirling Smiths frontman’s incredibly brief encounter with one Eric Cantona in the foyer of a Parisian hotel…
FLASHBACK to 1981, and Heather O’Rourke is enjoying her first ever Barbie doll. Thanks to this doll, Heather was able to channel the full demonic experience in the guise of Carol Ann in Poltegeist. She also featured in 12 episodes of Happy Days.
“Act out every fantasy you can dream up” with Barbie, such as killing your loved ones, possessing your cat; eating the sofa…
It’s all in thsoe eeys:
PRINCE Harry is getting married to Cressida Bonas (fnar!). Well, so says heat magazine, which reveals:
“Harry’s been training in Iceland . . . and has fallen in love with the country. He wants to take Cressida to the famous Ice Hotel and then pop the question.”
VINYL bores are a terrible, terrible thing. However, some nice news is that vinyl sales are at a 10 year high. Driving demand are releases from Daft Punk, Arctic Monkeys and David Bowie (and a whole bunch of great compilations and reissues).
Figures are showing that records have crossed the half-million mark already in 2013, which is the first time that’s happened since 2003. Since last year, sales have doubled.
Naturally, the amount of records sold is rather modest, but still encouraging. Music fans have bought 550,000 records thus far, according to analysis of Official Charts Company data by recording industry body the BPI.
PETER Serafinowicz will now sing the first page of Morrissey’s autobiography:
IN November 1970, James Taylor, 22,appeared on the BBC in James Taylor Sings James Taylor. The first American signed to The Beatles’ Apple label, Taylor sang Carolina in My Mind with Paul McCartney and George Harrison.
“I just heard his voice and his guitar,” said McCartney, “and I thought he was great.”
ART Clokey creator of Gumby describes his experience on LSD, as prescribed by his psychiatrist. The medics said his therapy would go better if he took LSD and mescaline. He had visions. The world fade out to black. He saw a new world. He told the psychiatrist: “You’ve got the put his on television. This is fabulous.”
ALBUM of the year is Difficult Hits To Strip To. We look forward to More Difficult Hits to Strip to, featuring The Birdie Song, Agadoo, anything by Miley Cyrus (irony there), Gangnam Style, Cliff Richard’s Summer Holiday, Does your chewing gum lose its flavour? by Lonnie Donegan, Who Let the Dogs Out? by Baha Men, There’s No-one Quite Like Grandma by St. Winired’s School Choir and many, many more…
SO, Gary Barlow is quitting The X Factor is he? Naturally, that’s the most exciting thing that’s actually happened during this year’s oddly tedious talent show.
After three years as a judge, he’s decided that he’s going to go back to being a singer and poking at the ivories and hopefully never, ever covering Smells Like Teen Spirit again.
He’s not been too amazing on the show itself. After all, he’s the arsehole that thrust Frankie Cocozza and Christopher Maloney in our faces.
It begs the question – who can replace Gary Barlow?
I LOATHE the phrase ‘role model’. It’s not quite as annoying as ‘holistic’ but it comes close. Footballers have only got to spit out of turn or dry roast a glamour model and they are cast as bad role models. Who amde them good role models? No-one can be certain.
I was once on a Sky News show where the debate was about Kate Moss. Was she a good role model of all young girls. Well, she was a model, still is. Her role was in being a model who posed for magazines and got off her face. As such, I noted, she was very good at it. Young kids who wanted to grew up to take their clothes off for a living, wear someone else’s and get mullered could do a lot worse than take tips from Kate. The one note of warning was that they would not look as good as Kate. She can make the dry heaves, DTs and clammy skin look good.