Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
SO. How do you get to marry actress and rubber glove model Helen Mirren? Thankfully, the guessing is over as Mirren told Hello! why she plighted her troth to Taylor Hackford.
“We didn’t get married for 15 years after we met each other… I couldn’t see the point until a financial adviser told me how much money we’d be saving. I was on board immediately.”
Love is… a widow’s pension…
SINCE the early seventies director Brian De Palma has crafted many intense and highly cerebral thrillers.
Alas, such efforts are often dismissed by critics as being overly imitative of Alfred Hitchcock’s films and style rather than praised for their own finely-developed sense of inter-textuality and intellectual gamesmanship.
ONE thing that has always been a major force in music, is marketing. Songs don’t accidentally find their way to listeners, unless you’re a crazy crate digger who actively looks between the cracks for music.
One of the finest pieces of music marketing, one that stills hangs around subtly today, saw Macy Gray becoming a huge star (albeit briefly). The job they did on her was magnificent. Basically, so sly was the campaign behind her, that listeners convinced themselves that they’d discovered her all by themselves.
REMEMBER when the Arctic Monkeys first burst onto the scene? Ordinary kids, making sharp, loud rock ‘n’ roll coupled with slanted looks at society and crapfun nights out? Even if they weren’t your bag, they sure were fun to have around. They made gloriously dumb music and matched it with an intelligence that their peers lacked.
And then, slowly, they turned into Every Other Rock Stars, going to the gym and wearing expensive clothes and making dadrock.
Some will argue that they grew up, which is fine as their fans were growing up too. However, who says that a) You have to grow up at all in music? b) Growing up means slowing down?
TERRIBLE Tattoos presents the Miley Cyrus chicken twerk tongue tat:
AND so it came to pass that Katie Price and Kieran ‘Loud’ Hayler are no longer an item. She claims on twitter that her third husband of some months has been chrating on her her with married-mum-of-two called Jane.
As befitting the terrible personal loss, Price took to Twitter:
“Sorry to say me and Kieran are divorcing. Him and my best friend Jane Pountney been having a full blown sexual affair for 7 months.”
EVERYONE outside of the music industry knows that people who illegally download also buy music. For example, Person A buys a lot of vinyl, but also illegally downloads a load of stuff he wouldn’t normally buy, like that song they hear on the radio now and then.
Some people will ravage a torrent and then go buy various albums from it in a try-before-you-buy way. Others will solely nick music, but whaddayagonnado? Those people, years ago, would’ve only ever recorded friends albums onto blank tapes anyway.
A new report goes one further – music and movie pirates behave completely differently. Turns out those who illegally download films are far more likely to pay for legitimate copies as well.
WHEN Joe DiMaggio heard his name in Simon & Garfunkel’s “Mrs. Robinson”, he reportedly went into a rage and wanted to sue. To him, it sounded like an insult and insinuated that he was dead (“Joltin’ Joe has left and gone away.”) In truth, it was a homage – Paul Simon had worshiped DiMaggio growing up. The fact was explained to the baseball legend, but it’s likely he never really understood.
Similarly, when David Bowie played his tribute “Andy Warhol” in front of the artist himself, it was greeted with indifference. After the song was finished, there was an awkward silence and Warhol changed the subject inquiring about Bowie’s shoes.
Even though musicians are unlikely to get a pat on the back from the subject of their songs, that hasn’t stopped artists from making music about famous people either dead or living. From Ozzy’s ode to Alistair Crowley to Bananarama’s shout-out to Robert DeNiro, popular music is littered with songs namedropping famous people in the title. Here are six for your listening pleasure.
“Andy Warhol” by Dana Gillespie
Obviously, this was originally a Bowie song about one his biggest inspirations (found on his Hunky Dory LP). It was later covered by his sometime lover, sometime backing vocalist Dana Gillespie. Dana actually released a couple good albums under Bowie’s production company, but neither sold well, and she never was able to translate any form of success in the States. She moved on to concentrate on being an actress, then a bluesy singer a decade later. Despite her extremely varied career, one things always remained constant with Dana – massive cleavage.
“Rasputin” by Boney M
“Ra-Ra-Rasputin, Russia’s greatest love machine.”
Among his many crimes, Rasputin held control over the royal family, keeping them isolated and under his dark influence at the expense of the nation. But perhaps his most shameful legacy is this song; a disco travesty committed 62 years after his death.
“(My Name Is) Michael Caine” by Madness
Using Caine’s Ipcress File (1965) as a basis for a song about the IRA was unusually weighty stuff for the band. Caine initially refused to add his voice to the song, but was convinced by his daughter (a Madness fan)… which is slightly ironic considering Caine isn’t exactly known for turning things down (Jaws: The Revenge, anyone?). But as he once pointed out: “You get paid the same for a bad film as you do for a good one.” It’s hard to argue with that.
“Black Superman (Muhammad Ali)” by Johnny Wakelin
Under the direction of the same record producer responsible for “Kung Fu Fighting”, Wakelin wrote this homage to Ali after watching the epic fight against George Foreman forever known as the Rumble in the Jungle.
Even worse than Bowie’s Warhol tribute, Muhammad Ali was nonplussed by Johnny Wakelin’s “Black Superman (Muhammad Ali)” and basically disowned it.
“Abraham, Martin And John” by Moms Mabley
This song earned a spot on our list of 13 Worst Songs of the 1960s. It is better remembered via renditions by Smokey Robinson, Marvin Gaye and Dion…. but Moms Mabley is what we’re dishing up today as proof that no matter how beautiful something is, it can always be ruined. As sad as the deaths of Lincoln, MLK and JFK are, at least they were spared having to hear Moms sing this song.
“Lord Grenville” by Al Stewart
Lord Grenville was a 16th Century Admiral immortalized in Alfred Lord Tennyson’s The Revenge – A Ballad of the Fleet. This may be the most intellectual song ever written – with historical storytelling, literary references, and philosophical questions of purpose and time, all wrapped in a transcendental melody circling upwards like cannabis vapors to the Heavens. Glorious.
SHE really is fun to have around, but Courtney Love isn’t exactly known for being right very often. While talking about Bruce Springsteen, she said she liked him, but didn’t really like his music and had a leave a show she’d been taken to.
Fair enough. Not everyone like Bruce Springsteen. And his shows go on for roughly 378 hours. And those cut-off shirts he wears need sorting out too.
However, while talking about The Boss, she said that “saxophones don’t belong in rock ‘n’ roll.”
REMEMBER when Tupac died? That was sad wasn’t it? Well, Suge Knight, who just so happened to be in the driver’s seat of the car that was filled with bullets back in ’96, which resulted in wounds that led to ‘Pac’s death, isn’t convinced that the rapper is actually dead.
Anyone who has done any reading on Suge will know that he’s not exactly a trustworthy source.
“Why you think nobody been arrested if they said they the one that killed Tupac?” he wondered while talking to TMZ. “Because Tupac not dead. If he was dead, they’d be arresting those dudes for murder. You know he’s somewhere smoking a Cuban cigar on an island.”
YOU may not know the name Scott Bradlee, but you’ll definitely know the songs he performs. That’s because you’ve probably seen his Postmodern Jukebox getting The Hits Of Today! and screwing them into the ground, kicking them around a little and uprooting and rearranging them as jazz standards, boozy ragtime belters and a whole load more.
Every so often, one of Bradlee’s videos goes viral, and everyone feverishly shares them without thinking of the people behind them.
Irish version of ‘Get Lucky’ for Saint Patrick’s Day? Scott Bradlee and his Postmodern Jukebox? Smooth covers of the Game of Thrones theme? You guessed it.
So, with that, we’ve collected some of his most fun reworkings (there are more) which somehow… and don’t ask us how he’s managed it… aren’t like those other twee cover version that deeply grate on every level. Bradlee’s takes aren’t judging modern pop and say it’s bad, but rather, screwing around with them and having some fun.
Good news for people outside of America is that he’s taking the Postmodern Jukebox on tour and, yes, he will be in the UK. Check out the tour dates here and watch the videos below. There’s a million more on YouTube as well.
Duck Tales… the ’90s R&B slow jam version
DID you look at the carpet in Stanley Kubrick’s haunting version of The Shining and think ‘Where can you buy that?” Well, now you can. The MONDO 237 Collection features the floor covering from room 237 as a sweater, cardigan, 6′ scarf, ski mask and two different sized floor rugs.
Buy the sweater and get limited edition die-cut room 237 keys.
SO. Max Clifford has ben sentenced to 8 years choky for assaulting four young women, one aged 15, in the 1970s and 1980s.
The Sun says:
It’s not what he said that got him into bother. Its the eight assaults, including, as the Sun notes:
The judge also said he was sure Clifford had groped a 12-year-old girl in a jacuzzi in Spain – which he could not be tried for because it happened abroad.
But something Max said to the Starsuckers crew does strike a bell:
“You just can’y believe these people. The money gives them the indulgence… You’ve done that, you’ve done this, so what else? You could do it upside-down on a plane… well, we’ve done that, now what else can we do.? And it gets like that because there’s nothing else for them. They’ve got to keep pushing and pushing and pushing.”
And on Max went. You can see him in the video below. The sun starts at 1 hour 13 mins.
COULD your Spotify and iTunes playlists use some sprucing up? Let these Post Punk and Synth Pop artists rejuvinate your tired lists with their fresh audio suggestions. Pulled from the pages of 1980 issues of Smash Hits magazine are ten “All Time Top Ten Lists” as chosen by selected New Wavers.
Steve Eagle of The Photos
1. “I Saw Her Standing There” by The Pink Fairies
2. “I Just Wanna Have Something to Do” by The Ramones
3. “Groover” by T. Rex
4. “You Got My Number” by The Undertones
5. “Always Crashing in the Same Car” by David Bowie
6. “I Just Don’t Know What to Do with Myself” by Dusty Springfield
7. “Song For Life” by Johnny Cash
8. “All the Young Dudes” by Mott the Hoople
9. “New Rose” by The Damned
10. “D’yer Maker” by Led Zeppelin
Ranking Roger of The Beat
1. “Anarchy in the UK” by Sex Pistols
2. “Death Disco” by Public Image LTD
3. “White Riot” by The Clash
4. “Trans Europe Express” by Kraftwerk
5. “Nite Klub” by The Specials
6. “Majestic Dub” by Joe Gibbs and the Professionals
7. “O Level Dub” by Clint Eastwood
8. “Pistol Boy” by Militant Barry
9. “Armagideon Time” by The Clash
10. “Dread at the Controls” by Mikey Dread
1. “The Fat Man” by Fats Domino
2. “My Baby Left Me” by Elvis Presley
3. “Honky Tonk Women” by The Rolling Stones
4. “That’s Alright Mama” by Snooks Eaglin
5. “I Am the Walrus” by The Beatles
6. “Eleanor Rigby” by The Beatles
7. “Beat on the Brat” by The Ramones
8. “Virginia Plain” by Roxy Music
9. “Brass in Pocket” by The Pretenders
10. “I’m a Lazy Sod” by Sex Pistols
Ian McCulloch of Echo and the Bunnymen
1. “Famous Blue Raincoat” by Leonard Cohen
2. “Try to Remember” by The Kingston Trio
3. “Search and Destroy” by Iggy and the Stooges
4. “Mess of My” by The Fall
5. “Sister Ray” by Velvet Underground
6. “The Bewlay Brothers” by David Bowie
7. “Lady Stardust” by David Bowie
8. “Over the Wall” by Echo and the Bunnymen
9. “Anarchy in the UK” by Sex Pistols
10. “Mother” by John Lennon
Paul Humphreys of Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
1. “Atmosphere” by Joy Division
2. “Cities” by Talking Heads
3. “Europe Endless” by Kraftwerk
4. “Morale” by Human League
5. “Before and After Science” by Eno
6. “Missing Fifteen Minutes” by Dalek I
7. “Isolation” by Joy Division
8. “My Way” by Sid Vicious
9. “Thrash” by Cowboys International
10. “Pennsylvania 65000” by Glen Miller
Julian Cope of Teardrop Explodes
1. “The Modern Dance” by Pere Ubu
2. “Jackie/Mathilde” by Scott Walker
3. “When the Music’s Over” by The Doors
4. “Stepping Out” by The Fall
5. “Sweet Surrender” by Tim Buckley
6. “King of the Streets” by Armand Schaubroeuk
7. “The Electrician” by The Walker Brothers
8. “Alone Again Or” by Love
9. “Walk on Gilded Splinters” by Dr. John
10. “My Head is My Only House until It Rains” by Captain Beefheart
Hugh Cornwell of The Stranglers
1. “Whip It” by Devo
2. “I Got You” by Split Enz
3. “Rescue” by Echo and the Bunnymen
4. “Tri X Pan” by Tea Set
5. “Something Else” by Eddie Cochran
6. “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge
7. “Le Freak” by Chic
8. “Young at Heart” by Frank Sinatra
9. “Stay” by The Hollies
10. “My Little Red Book” by Love
“In the Year 2525” by Zager and Evans
“Bewlay Brothers” by David Bowie
“Spaceball” by Marc Bolan
“The Modern Dance” by Pere Ubu
“Berlin” by Lou Reed
“Baby’s On Fire” by Brian Eno
“Back to Nature” by Fad Gadget
“Castles Made of Sand” by Jimi Hendrix
“Emmie” by Laura Nyro
“Starsailor” by Tim Buckley
Holly Vincent of Holly and the Italians
1. “Come On” by Cheap Trick
2. “I Don’t Wanna Walk Around With You” by The Ramones
3. “Trash” by The New York Dolls
4. “He’s a Whore” by Cheap Trick
5. “I Just Wanna Have Something to Do” by The Ramones
6. “Insanely Jealous” by The Soft Boys
7. “The Way of the World” by Cheap Trick
8. “Stand by Your Man” by Tammy Wynette
9. “Slow Motion” by Ultravox
10. “Quiet Life” by Japan
Eddie Tenpole of Tenpole Tudor
1. “Get Off My Cloud” by The Rolling Stones
2. “Talk of the Town” by The Pretenders
3. “Golden Birdies” by Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band
4. “Borstal Breakout” by Sham 69
5. “Clarinet Concerto” by Mozart
6. “Can You Hear Me” by David Bowie
7. “Just another Dream” by The Professionals
8. “You Need Hands” by Malcolm MacLaren
9. “Hey Negrita” by The Rolling Stones
10. “Chiquitita” by ABBA
Eddie’s note to the #10 ABBA song: “The last twenty seconds is the best tune I’ve ever heard. The rest is rubbish.”
REMEMBER when Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys made that speech about rock ‘n’ roll at The Brits and everyone who wasn’t a guitar-loving 14 year old, just shrivelled up and died of awkwardness on the spot?
Well, Distillers honcho Brody Dalle has said that she’s “proud” of Turner for speaking out on behalf of rock’n’roll, because obviously, rock ‘n’ roll was in danger of not being represented all the bloody time on TV and radio. We’ve noticed the collective fawning over 90s indie music, folk-rock-pop cover versions on adverts, Royal Wedding-levels of blanket TV coverage of Glastonbury ever bastard summer and the national press ignoring pretty much every release that isn’t a rock LP and so on and on.
V. STIVIANO knows how to find the camera. Known as the Pete Burns lookalike girlfriend of bigoted LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling, Stiviano is going to take the bugging skills she learnt recording her lover making racist comment on the phone and become President of the US of A.
“One day, I will become president of the United States of America. And I will change the legislation and laws.”
JOHN Carpenter’s film career has had its critical ups and downs, but time – the final arbiter of success, perhaps – has been almost universally kind to the vast majority of his cinematic work.
Reviled upon release in the summer of Spielberg’s E.T., John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982) is now revered as a horror classic and a work of art superior to the Howard Hawks film of 1951.
Similarly, Carpenter’s anti-yuppie battle cry, They Live (1988) has been re-evaluated as an ahead-of-its time masterpiece about the imminent death of the middle class in America, and “vulture capitalists” picking at its bones.
Even In the Mouth of Madness (1994), dismissed on original release as lesser-Carpenter, is widely considered now to be the finest interpretation of the Lovecraft aesthetic yet committed to film.
PUNKS and money have always been a funny thing, mainly because the entire foundation for punk is to not give two hoots about cash. They mean it, maaan. Anti-establishment, lone wolf rock music, that does things on its own terms without caring about what the SUITS think.
Right on! And all that.
Of course, all punks soon get tired of being poor and living grottily, which prompts them to say everything was just one big Art Jape. Look at John Lydon – poster boy for punk, later, advertisements for butter and appearing on reality TV shows in the jungle. Har de har har, all that stuff about being real? It was a joke wasn’t it? And all the reunion tours and reissues of our old records? Yeah, when we said ‘no future’, it was supposed to be funny! This was always likely to end up being our pensions! Hark! We even say ‘we’re only in it for the money!’ and talk about ‘filthy lucre’!
IN the past couple of years, most of us have been surprised, shocked and nauseated by high profile racism. In football, we’ve seen players walking off the pitch in protest and eating bananas thrown at them. The NBA is currently feeling the fire after the Clippers’ owner said a bunch of appalling shit in a phone call to his girlfriend.
Of course, it you’re not in a bubble, you’ll know that, while work against racism has come a long way, there’s still a lot to be done.
One of the greatest conveyors of message is music, so with recent events, we’ve picked a bunch of records that should show you two things: People against racism ALWAYS make better music than racists and, secondly, some of these records are old, while some are new, which underlines how depressingly racism still looms in our society.
The most recent protest is from R&B god, The-Dream, who released ‘BLACK’ online, where he says: “Black isn’t just a colour; Black isn’t just a race anymore. It’s a feeling and a place from which one feels isolated by the world of the governing elite. Classism is the new racism. This is what black feels like.”
Have a listen to The-Dream’s new song, and a selection of other great anti-racist records. We’ve decided to pick a bunch that are off the beaten track, but feel free to share the famous and your favourites with us.
Brand new and powerful. Depressing that, in 2014, this record needed to be made.
The Impressions ‘Mighty Mighty’
IN 1977, Stevie Wonder advertised Atari Video games:
“If I could play video games, you bet it would be an Atari”
BOB Hoskins was one of the most remarkable actors of his era. His energetic performance in The Long Good Friday was phenomenal.
Tim Stanley gets it:
Two parts made his name. The first was the Thatcherite gangster Harold Shand in The Long Good Friday, which is one of the best movies about bad people ever made. Read the script and Harold is simply a monster: he rules his manor with fists and bottles, pays off the filth and carves up the competition. Director John Mackenzie meant the movie to be an indictment of capitalism in the raw. But Hoskins turned Harold in a very human Macbeth – a villain who loves his mum and isn’t afraid to cry in the shower after a hard day’s slitting throats. Achieving that degree of sympathy isn’t a case of simply reading lines well. Hoskins embodies the character in such a way that during his lowest moments you want to reach through the screen and hug him. And when his anger boils, it feels like he might just reach out the other way and throttle you to death.
The other was Mona Lisa. But that gangster film was stella:
MAX Clifford has been found guilty of sexual abuse. He good use a good media wrangler:
REMEMBER Edie Brickell? She was a pop-folkie way back when for Generation Xers. She’s best known for ‘Circle’ (here, with the catchier-than-mumps “I quit, I give up” hook) and ‘What I Am” which was covered by Spice Girl Emma Bunton of all people.
That is, she’s formerly best known for these things: now, she’s going to be known in the press as Paul Simon’s Wife, which of course, is what happens to any woman married to someone more famous. Look at how talented clothes designer and fashion powerhouse L’Wren Scott was referred to as ‘Mick Jagger’s girlfriend’ when she died.