Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Bill Gates On Controlling Capitalism And Mr G9
PERRY points us to a story entitled Gates calls for “creative capitalism”:
Gates said the self-interest behind capitalism had driven multiple innovations but to harness it to the benefit of all required the system be refined. Greater focus on recognition for improving the lives of others could provide a spur for companies to focus more on making money out of providing valuable products at affordable prices to the world’s poor. He urged multinationals to pledge the services of their top people to the work.
Writes Perry:
Ah, I get it. White man speak with forked tongue… “but to harness it to the benefit of all required the system be refined”. Bill Gates is not in fact calling for voluntary anything, he is calling for The System to be ‘refined’, which means he wants to make capitalism less capitalist and more politically directed by our caring masters. Could the fact he hangs out with show biz types and politicos who are all solidly statist give us a clue to decoding his words here?
Bono – Mr G9? More on him here. And more on the meaning of capitalism here…
Message To Davos: The Meaning Of Capitalism
Read: Bono Makes Al Gore Credible
Posted: 25th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comment (1)
Teenager Arrested For Suicide Plot On Miley Cyrus
“TEEN Arrested for Planned Suicide Attack on Miley Cyrus.”
The story goes that a 16-year-old Californian planned to overpower the pilot and crew on a Southwest Airlines flight.
The teen would then storm the airplane and take control by way of handcuffs, duct tape and rope.
He would then direct the flight from Nashville International Airport to Los Angeles towards a stadium where 15-year-old Cyrus was set to perform.
The teen was to have mounted his attack on January 22. Cyrus’ concert at the stadium was set for January 25, three days later.
The plan was faultless. And very soon the teen will be famous, perhaps more famous than Corey Delaney.
Anorak suspects that rather than auditioning as the latest mentally negligible terrosit, the teen was engaging in a pripaic contest of adolescent oneupmanship.
Teenage Headline Makers In History:
955 – Pope John XII, 18, elected Pope
1537 – Lady Jane Grey, 16, rules England for 9 days
1977 – William Hague, 16, addresses Conservative party conference
2007 – Corey Delaney, 16, hosts party
Posted: 25th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Star Jones And Perez Hilton Will Not Comment On Heath Ledger
STAR Jones is writing on Heath Ledger’s death. Jones is a US lawyer-turned-celebrity.
Since we learned of actor Heath Ledger’s untimely death on Tuesday afternoon, the basic fact is that until additional tests have been conducted, the autopsy is incomplete and inconclusive as to why this 28-year-old man died. That’s what we know.
Let’s get to what we don’t know: his death was a tragic accident, or something to the contrary. Until we know for sure, I think the media should just shut their mouths and stop all the speculation that’s been running rampant.
Star wants us to deal in facts. We should not indulge in speculation, such as that found in the Daily Mail, where Ledger’s death is called a “shameful episode”.
Jones will nto speculate. No chance. Facts are all. She tells us:
“This man has a two-year-old daughter. His family is going through the worst time in their lives. Their hearts are broken, they’re numb, they can’t understand what’s going on right now. Michelle Williams is trying to figure out how to explain to their little girl that she will never see her daddy again. It’s heartbreaking, tragic, and it’s being used to fuel our never ceasing desire to eavesdrop on the lives of others.”
Star Jones does not do prying and speculation. Not a chance. As Perez Hilton says on his blog: “Star Jones wrote an editorial about the death of Heath Ledger…. And we agree with everything she says!”
That’s how much he cares! File under ‘Oh the irony’
Click here to read it.
Posted: 25th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Rolling Stones Get Model Daughters
CLEAR evidence as to why Rolling Stones’ band members squire models.
The Mail reports that Georgia May Jagger, sister to Elizabeth Jagger (model) is to becomes a model, like her mum Jerry Hall.
Georgia May is half-sister to Jade Jagger (cover girl).
Theodora Richards, daughter to Keith Richards, is also a model. So too is Leah Wood, daughter to Ronnie Wood.
Geneticists may well marvel at how these models all managed to inherit their mothers good looks and none of their father’s musical talent…
Posted: 25th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
The White Madonna: They Come To Stare (Update: Eva Longoria’s Knees)
RIGHTLY, the Daily Mail continues to shine a brilliant light on female celebrities who show signs of aging.
Yesterday, Mail readers were invited to gaze upon Madonna’s shins. Dressed in knee-length jogging bottoms – who the hell does she think she is!? – Madonna was walking from her home to her gym in full daylight.
Today the Mail looks at those shins once more. The shins are “exceptionally pale” – “one of which appeared to have a mysterious groove running down it.”
Readers can see a red arrow aimed at this “mysterious mark”.
Readers can get the Madonna look by wearing a long ribbed sock, ripping it off at the last moment before stepping out. Non-white readers should keep the sock on.
Happily, Madonna has heard the cries of outrage and the throaty gulps as Britons try to hold down their kebabs and decided to walk no further than 20 yards. This is the distance between her home and the new gym she has had created in an adjacent house.
The Mail notes that “her exercise routine is so regular that crowds have started to gather on the quiet road, waiting for her inevitable appearance”.
They come to stare, to marvel at the white legged lady. They watch in silence…
UPDATE: “Eva Longoria reveals her desperately knobbly knees” – In Today’s Daily Mail
Posted: 25th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Amy Winehouse And Peter Dohety’s New Single
LOOK out for Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse’s collaboration on the Hokey Cokey.
The Mirror reports that Winehouse is “BACK TO REHAB”. She is currently performing at the Capio nightingale Hospital in North London.
As the photographs in the venue’s eatery show, this is the celebrity rest home where Doherty also spent a while.
It is hoped that Winehouse will experience similar successes to Doherty for whom the clinic was an unmitigated success. He is now as clean as a Al Gore’s fridge freezer.
However, the clinic, as with so many clinics, seems to be accessed via a revolving door.
There are recorded examples of celebrities failing to beat their demons first time around and needing to return.
They put their left foot in, their left foot out, they do the hokey cokey and they turn around.
They put their wholeselves in, their wholeselves out, they do the hockey cokey and they turn around.
And that’s what it’s all about…
Posted: 25th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Vicotria Beckham’s Star Wars
REPORTS abound that Victoria Beckham is to revamp the Star Wars franchise and use her voice and dancing technique to breathe fresh life into C3PO…
But they are just rumours…
Posted: 25th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
How To Give Birth Like A Celebrity, With Nolan And Logan
GIVING birth by C-elebrity Section is now the done thing in our hospitals.
And in Module 2 of How To Be A Celebrity Mum, the Mirror looks at if it is right for the celebrity father to be at the birth?
“YES,” says Strictly Come Dancing’s Kenny Logan, husband to BBC presenter Gabby Logan.
“NO,” says Coleen Nolan, Mirror columnist and former member The Nolans music ensemble.
Says Kenny: “Nothing is more vital than being there…not even football.”
Says Coleen: “You just don’t want to be worrying that your man is going to faint.”
Pregnant women called Kelly, Aimee and Nikki are caught on the horns of a dilemma. Do they get their footballer and soap actor into the birthing room or not?
And if so, will OK! or Hello! be allowed to make the video?
The debate thunders on…
Posted: 25th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Young Blades Needed In Dancing On Ice Meltdown
MORE thrills in the world of pre-celebrity ice dancing as GMTV’s roving reporter Michael Underwood falls to the ice.
His ankle is broken.
Underwood now adds his name to a lengthening roll of honour:
Lusardi, Linda (hairline fracture)
Shaw, Suzanne (scalp sliced open)
Soon the show’s producers will be forced to enlist people from everyday walks of life, hand them a stretchy Lycra singlet and some blades.
What we thought would never happen again may be soon made so. We are running out of celebrities on the frontline and need reserves.
Call Anthea Turner. Sound the bugle. Last call for Anthea Turner…
Posted: 25th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Bono Makes Al Gore Credible
SAYS Bono, pictured with Al Gore at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland: “The G8 are not making good largely on their commitments. About half, I would say, is where we’ve got – and this is a scandal.”
“We’ve.” Bono is Mr G9, the Pope’s warm-up man. Bono is the man with whom all the leaders of the world’s wealthiest lands consult on matters of global importance.
It is to be hoped that in sitting alongside Paul ‘Bono’ Hewson, Al ‘Pro Bono’ Gore can gain some credibility…
Posted: 25th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (4)
Aimee Helps Poor Cheryl Cole Understand Sick, Cheating Ashley
NEWS that footballer Ashley Cole has cheated on his singer wife Cheryl with one Aimee Walton occupies all our minds.
This is “Cole’s sex with blonde hairdresser,” says the Sun. It is Cole’s “booze-fuelled night of lust”.
Over two pages blonde Aimee tells us all. “It was a big mistake,” says Aimee, a hand placed on her hip, her eyes looking into the lens, a smile playing on her lips. “I feel so sorry for Cheryl.”
But Cheryl would appreciate knowing the truth. Aimee understands that. Aimee also knows that if we can all hear of her sex with married Ashley then we can all help poor Cheryl recover and make some sense of her now hollow and shambolic life.
As Aimee says: “I feel so sorry for Cheryl… Now I feel really guilty. She should know that he’s really like.”
So here are the facts we need to help poor Cheryl. Print them out and keep them handy in case you should happen upon poor Cheryl and want to converse with her.
ASHLEY COLE:
“SLAPPED her bottom so hard his platinum wedding ring left a mark”
“VOMITED in a girl’s car – then claimed she should feel ‘privileged’”
“CLAIMED Girls Aloud singer Cheryl ‘didn’t mind’ him cheating as long as he kept it a secret”
“INTERRUPTED their sex session to be sick again”
Says Aimee: “He’s wild – really rude in bed. He knew exactly what he was doing and was pretty good, despite not being very big.”
Ashley Cole is around five feet seven inches high.
Sick! Sick! Sick!
Says Aimee:
“As we were walking out of the club I asked Ashley about Cheryl but he clammed up. I remember thinking I was going home with a married man and that his wife was one of the most famous singers in the country. I asked him if he would get in trouble with Cheryl and he just said, absurdly, ‘She knows what I do. I just can’t get found out’. I was really shocked by that — it showed he couldn’t care less about breaking his marriage vows.”
Some people, eh. They have such low standards. Tsk! Go on, Aimee:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 25th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (49)
Australian Corey Delaney Turns Pro
COREY Delaney is for hire. If you need a Priapic Australian with nipple rings and 1980s hair at your do, call Corey.
Says he: “Working on a building site was pretty hard. Now I’ve got a manager, life’s good.”
Says his manager, celebrity agent Max Markson: “He did a great party in the wrong place. We’re going to put on a great party in the right place.”
More on Corey – the video
Posted: 24th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Boy George And Amy Winehouse At The Pop Star Cop Shop
MORE news on the UK’s celebrity police force. Says Boy George on Amy Winehouse:
“I love Amy Winehouse. My favourite thing was seeing her going into Shoreditch police station (in connection to a bribery plot) because that’s where I was nicked. It’s obviously the pop star cop shop.”
It’s the police station all Met coppers want to be seen at.
Look out for a copper posing with a celebrity for the paps every day in the tabloids. They’re tough on role models, tough on the causes of role models…
More celebrity police in action here, here and here.
Posted: 24th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Making A Joke Of Heath Ledger, With Perez Hilton
AS PEREZ Hilton notes: Ledger’s Death Is A Laughing Matter”. Adding “This is reprehensible!”
Hilton goes on: “Fox News Talk Network host John Gibson announced the sad and tragic death of actor Heath Ledger on Tuesday by mocking him and making light of his untimely passing.”
This he says is “Disgusting!”
The show:
“Playing an audio clip of the iconic quote, ‘I wish I knew how to quit you’ from Ledger’s gay romance movie Brokeback Mountain, Gibson disdainfully quipped, ‘Well, he found out how to quit you.’ Laughing, Gibson then played another clip from Brokeback Mountain in which Ledger said, ‘We’re dead,’ followed by his own, mocking ‘We’re dead’ before playing the clip again.”
Gibson called Ledger a “weirdo” with a “serious drug problem” and suggested that Ledger killed himself because he had “a serious position in the (stock) market” or perhaps “watched the Clinton-Obama debate last night. I think he was an Edwards guy, cause he saw his Edwards guy was just completely irrelevant.”
That enough? You want more. OK: “Click here to listen to the audio of John Gibson’s shameful handling of Heath Ledger’s death.”
Hilton concludes: “Say you’re sorry, John Gibson, or you’re no different than hatemonger Fred Phelps.” (See Phelps here.)
Indeed, this is the same Hilton who in response to Britney Spears’ meltdown told us: “You guys really care about Britney Spears – a lot! Friday was the busiest day we’ve ever had on Perez Hilton.com. Over the course of 24 hours, we had over 10 million page views. 10,089,428 to be exact. That’s insane! Thanks, Britney.”
Let’s just pray Ledger’s self-destruction proves just as popular to the righteous Perez Hilton…
Posted: 24th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)
David Beckham’s Carbon Footprint Replaced By Helium
THE Carbon Trust says: “With all his money he [David Beckham] should be using it at least to reduce his own footprint. He has more freedom of choice when it comes to methods of traveling. He could also choose greener cars.”
As Anorak noted: “During a four-month period over the summer, he was reported to have spent at least eight full days in the air.”
According to Soccer America daily, with reference to data provided by the British environmental group Carbon Trust, the Los Angeles Galaxy superstar is responsible for 163 tons of carbon dioxide yearly — compare that to the normal 9.4 tons the average Englishman produces.
Beckham’s Carbon Footprint — a measure of the impact human activities have on the environment in terms of the amount of green house gases produced, measured in units of carbon dioxide — may be the largest in human history.
David is unavailable for comment. although those who have heard him speak say he has stopped breathing carbon and in favour of a Beckham branded oxygen-helium blend…
Posted: 24th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)
Pamela Anderson Divorces A Poker
PAMELA Anderson says she is “done with the marriage thing”.
Pammy is divorcing her third husband. The marriage lasted four months.
Says Pammy: “My mom wishes I was born gay”. She adds: “I am in the market for a good divorce attorney.”
And, who knows, maybe the attorney is the market for a wife.
Of course, before her next marriage, Pammy has to complete her divorce from the man we call Rick Salomon and Metro newspaper calls a “poker guru”.
A guru is a recognized leader in a field, an acknowledged and influential advocate of a movement or idea.
Rick Salomon is the man best known for appearing as “him” in the first Paris Hilton sex tape.
He is not a poker guru. He is just a poker…
Play online – not, not at that; at this…
Posted: 24th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Celebrity Policing With Kate Moss And Sadie Frost
“COPS ARE CALLED TO KATE’S,” say the Mirror’s goss girls from their street corner staging post by Kate Moss’s home in St John’s Wood.
Moss has a new home in London and is hosting an evening soiree with some pals.
Songs are sung. Noise is made. Poles are danced around.
Neighbours complain. Says one: “I’ve nothing against people keeping fit, but do they really have need to make that much noise doing it?”
Indeed, it’s not as if they’re rehearsing for the Wimbledon tennis rubber, where grunting is de rigueur.
So the police recalled. Which is bad news. And worse news still for our celebrity police force who awake to realise that the Star’s picture of one of their number talking with Sadie Frost features only the side of his face, specifically the ear…
Posted: 24th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Kiefer Sutherland Gets The Cleaning Bug
CELEBRITY duster Angie MacKenzie will be overjoyed to note that A-lister Kiefer Sutherland has joined the cleaning ranks.
The Star pictures the Hollywood actor collecting rubbish.
Readers will recall that Boy George and Naomi Campbell have also been spotted cleaning in recent months. And it is clear that we are on the verge of a craze…
Note: Sutherland, George and Campbell qualified for celebrity cleaning via a court judgement. Angie MacKensie is clean…
Posted: 24th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Taxi For Amy Winehouse And Mitch
AMY Winehouse’s cab driver dad tells the Mirror that he is worried about his daughter.
Says Vanessa Feltz: “Just being Mitch doesn’t bear thinking about. He’s easily recognisable. We can only speculate about the sorts of things total strangers yell at him in the street.”
TAXI!
Posted: 24th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Jade Goody Cancels Big Brother
“BB’S SO BAD EVEN JADE WON’T DO IT.”
BB is Big Brother and Jade is Jade Goody, aka Jade Baddie, Jade Hoodie.
Says Jade Goody on Big Brother: “Sorry, but the show is over.”
Why Jade should be sorry is not enlarged upon. She goes on: “It’s just over. I’m done with it.”
Jade seems to have been watching one of those EastEnders episodes when a Mitchell turns to his prone victim and says “It’s over when I say it’s over.”
Jade’s proclamation struggles for newspaper space in the Star with other shock news:
“Iain Duncan Smith says ‘I wouldn’t waste my time being prime minister!”
“Sarah Ferguson: Become Queen? No Way!”
“Michael Barrymore: I Would Rather Crawl Over Broken Glass Than Present The 10’clock News!”
And many more…
Posted: 24th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Heath Ledger: Things We Don’t Know About You
THE grim news of Heath Ledger’s death at least has one positive note: it gives the tabloid press something important to talk about. You can’t libel the dead. But you can talk about their drugs…
And you can ruin their funerals. You should see this…
DAILY STAR front page: “Heath I feel good about dying – Tragic star’s death wish”
Ledger said of his daughter: “It’s like a Catch 22 – I feel good about dying now because I feel like I’m alive in her”
More of in insight into Ledger’s lifestyle may be found in the news that his body was discovered by his maid, Theresa Solomon, and his masseuse, Diane Lee.
DAILY MIRROR front page: “ANTI-DEPRESSANT, ANTI-ANXIETY PILLS, SLEEPING PILLS, VALIUM – the heartbroken drugged-up world of Heath Ledger”
“WHAT HE WAS ON”: Ambien, Vlaium, Zoloft, Xanaz, Zoplicone and Donormyl
THE SUN front page: “TRAGIC HEATH’S SECRET COKE HELL”
Rebecca White, who worked as Naomi Campbell’s PA tells us: “When I was working with Naomi I saw Heath do drugs a few time”
DAILY EXPRESS front page: “The daughter left behind by tragic star Heath Ledger”
“He was born in Perth, which he called ‘the most isolated city in t the world”. He never stood a chance.
DAILY MAIL front page: “Drugs, depression and a lost love – what DID kill the star of Brokeback Mountain?”
Let’s have a heated debate…
* Fact: Heath Ledger was named after Edward Heath, a famous London landmark
Posted: 24th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (8)
Give Jamie Lynne’s Baby To Britney
STAR Magazine reports that Jamie Lynne Spears, Britney’s pregnant little sister, will give her baby to mother Lynne. This will enable mum to concentrate on her career.
No, not Lynne’s career as a celebrity’s mum, but Jamie Lynne’s career as a budding celebrity’s sister:
A source tells us: “After several weeks of personal soul searching and talks and discussions with her mum Jamie Lynn reluctantly agreed that giving up the baby is the right thing to do.
“Lynne says Jamie doesn’t understand the life long consequences of having a baby… So she’ll take the front seat of caring for the baby and take the pressure off her daughter.”
But why not give the baby to Britney and fast-track her to celebrity..?
Posted: 24th, January 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)
Westboro Baptist Church To Picket Heath Ledger’s Funeral
SOME words from the PR-minded religionists at the Westboro Baptist Church on Heath Ledger, who once played a homosexual in a film called Brokeback Mountain.
Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) is headed by Fred Phelps and based in Topeka, Kansas, U.S..
Read on to see the advert, and the film review.
Everyone’s a critic…
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 23rd, January 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (112)
Tara Reid Thin
TARA Reid tells OK!: “I’m not too thin!”
You cannot, of course, be too thin. You can only have friends who are not thin enough, a high metabolism and unflattering lighting.
With the key fact about Tara established, we move on to how the actress escapes “the negativity”.
As OK! says, there are reports that she is “too thin”; “Have you ever had any weight issues?”; “Are you worried that impressionable young girls might get the wrong message about body image?”
So Tara, how do you escape it?
Tara, it turns out, goes on holiday. And to combat the staring and the finger-pointing she allows OK! to take photos of her as she holidays in Bali.
In one shot, Tara is sat on a bar stool, the legs of which are thinner and more wood stained than Tara’s.
In anther picture, Tara stands between two Balinese dancers and presses the palms of her hands together. She also puts her legs together.
Tara is achieving what not-too-thin actresses call “life balance”…
Posted: 23rd, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comments (2)
Fed Sonia: Natalie Cassidy Works It Out
NATALIE Cassidy was known to millions of EastEnders fans as Eric Bristow’s love child Sonia.
With levels of obesity at a record high, Sonia played the role of the typical Briton to a tee.
With her bovine mannerisms and slow wits Sonia held up a mirror to EastEnders’ viewers and said, “Thish yoos innit. Thish is wot yoo is, yoo plank.”
Sonia was a character. Not, just in the way that fat people are called a character as a euphemism for being very fat; Natalie was a character, in a soap opera who happened to be carrying a bit of timber.
When Sonia left EastEnders we expected to see her in Celebrity Fat Camp or presenting an episode of Tonight With Trevor McDonald in which Natalie exposes fat prejudice among Britain’s Olympic trampolinists
“They’re looking for the new Vanessa Feltz,” goes the advert in the Stage’s situations vacant pages.
But Natalie is not listening to anything other than the sound of blood pumping in her ears. Natalie is working out. She is now thin and tells OK!: “To maintain my weight now, I do the DVD three to four times a week and walk everywhere, too.”
The DVD is called “Then & Now”, and features Natalie in before (white, big-boned) and after (orange, thinner) poses.
But to watch yourself jumping up and down as you jump up and down might be a strain, like human budgie looking in the mirror and wondering who the handsome devil staring back is.
Happily, the Anorak notes that EastEnders is now transmitted four times a week. Perhaps if Natalie plays the DVD whenever the show is on she can find the vim to carry on…
Posted: 23rd, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment
