Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
SEANY and Gerry are being contrived into a double act.
Last season, we had Michael (gay) and Spiral (Irish). This time we have Gerry (Greek and gay-ish) and Seany (Irish and gay). Chalk And Cheese are interviewing the housemates to see which of them should be evicted, or at least put up for the chop.
Gerry: You never let me speak.
Seany: You’re not fast enough.
Send in your suggestions for what Gerry and Seany should be billed as.
ZIGGY’S price has shortened to 9.8 which makes him the new favourite as Gerry’s price has drifted to 10.
Tracey’s price continues to drop and you can currently back the ‘crazy raver’ at 11, Chanelle has shortened to the same price.
Nicky is getting no love from punters, her price is still drifting and you can now back her at 27.
Charley and Shabnam remain the favourites to be booted out 1st.
ONE benefit of younger Big Brother housemates is that former schoolmates are in ready supply. (Pic: Craig Fleming)
The wounds of stolen boyfriends, pushing in the dinner queue and spiteful laughter are fresh in the mind.
While there are rumours of Lesley’s short walk to freedom stymieing stories of sponge and scandal from sources within the Women’s Institute, and the Greenham Wimin’s testimony hangs over Carole’s head like a Turkish barber’s petrol-soaked rag, teenagers possess the real urge to tell all and see their names in print.
And the Star gets a call from Chanelle’s former classmates at Middelstown School. Rebecca Lawson feels duty bound to tell us: “Chanelle was a nasty, bullying bitch. She made my life and numerous other girls’ lives hell by the way she used to pick on us.”
Chanelle was a bully? Like Emily?
“I used to go home most nights in tears because she had been calling me names, giving me dirty looks or blanking me. It sounds quite dramatic but it was like mental torture.”
Rebecca, 19, goes on: “She was relentless. She was always spreading rumours, calling you names or telling people to ignore you.”
Rebecca, now a customer service rep, claims Chanelle attacked a fellow pupil.
She says: “Chanelle kept punching and scratching her. No one dared stop her because they knew they would be next.”
Says the alleged victim: “Chanelle only ever punched me on that occasion but yes, she did bully me and a lot of the other girls.”
And here’s Leanne Megson, 19, telling us in the Star (views, we are told, originally expressed in the Wakefield Guardian): “I always liked school but I never wanted to go because of the bullying. My hair started falling out in clumps because of the stress.”
Yes, dear reader, this is the same Leanne Megson, a Miss Wakefield emeritus who represented her parish in Miss England 2005.
Leanne, now a model, adds: “Seeing her on Big Brother has brought it all back. The feelings I have are still raw.”
Expect to hear more of Leanne’s trauma any time soon. And listen out for news of how Carole once made a risque comment about a Cruise missile…
The People delivers the news on the Big Brother agonist in a crescendo of headboard-banging grunts:
“BB girl swore she’d never cheat”
“She has humiliated me on TV”
“I’ll smash Ziggy’s face in”
And this is Ziggy talking of Chanelle, telling housemate Gerry: “I want to rip her clothes off and have sex with her!”
Chanelle is as wanted as she is wanton. And in the NOTW, rugby league player Ryan Atkins, of the Wakefield Trinity Wildcats, relates his story. It’s not often a kiss ‘n’ tell focuses on the player telling tales on his lover. This is the NOTW operating at the bleeding edge of journalism.
And the twists do not end there. Suitably enthralled, readers learn intimate details of the couple “dubbed the Posh and Becks of Wakefield”.
“She’s obsessed with Victoria. But I’m sure Posh can’t be as sexy in the bedroom. Chanelle’s a really fantastic girl in bed and just loves sex,” says Ryan.
A girl who loves sex? If it weren’t for the likes of Ryan and Amanda Marchant’s old flame Lee Cowan, we would suppose sex was a thing to be endure by womankind. But here is news that Chanelle actually enjoys sex. And with Ryan.
So why did he left her get away? What odds on Ryan finding another girl so in tune with her inner Titmuss, especially with the Marchant girls still locked up in the house?
Says Ryan: “We went to a Frankie and Benny’s but it was terrible. I ordered the wrong pizza, she had a sulk and we ran out of things to say.”
Now we realise how they earned their Posh ‘n’ Becks moniker.
And that it is a title well earned…
THe self-proclaimed first American supermodel seems to be auditioning for celebrity Big Brother. On reality TV, says the middle-aged tailor’s dummy: “I’d fuck Simon Cowell in a heartbeat. And I think his girlfriend’s pretty cute – I’d fuck her, too. And I wouldn’t judge Pete Doherty by his looks – he might have a 12 foot penis!” Ok, it’s not strictly Big Brother, but it could be…
“I COULD be gay; I could be straight; I could be bi. I’m just Seány.” Says Seány.
The bloated Mick Hucknall is gay.
Says: “You’re the most straight gay I’ve ever met.”
Ziggy flicks back his hair and says nothing…
WHILE Lesley Brain make ready to present Travels With My Jam Jar: Inside The Women’s Institute (you heard it here first), she leaves with a question: was her departure triggered by the arrival of the men?
Two gay men, one of whom looks like Mick Hucknall on anti-depressants (Seany) and the other who has a “weakness” for “smooth, cute, blue-eyed passive blondes” (Gerry). Stick Gerry in a dogcollar and then have him repeat those words.
And Lesley has gone. Why?
GERRY takes top spot on Betfair
“Hedonistic hypocrite”, “control freak”, “goes to fetish clubs”, yet the open minded punters at Betfair have made Gerry their new sweetheart.
Gerry is currently the favourite, trading at 8.5 to win Big Brother, while fellow new housemate, Seany has settled at 34.
Charley is favourite to go 1st at 2.58 but “any other” which includes all the new men is trading at a 8 having been as high as 990.
Charley and Seany pulled off her duvet at 3am in a failed practical joke. Sitting bolt upright, visibly in shock, this was the final straw and she left this morning. Charley (the brains behind this stroke of genius), shortened in the 1st eviction market and is now backable at 2.58.
Lesley’s price reacted immediately on Betfair with odds of 280 being offered to back and 1000 being offered to lay. She has also drifted into oblivion in the 1st eviction market.
Lesley had previously claimed to be “bored” in the house saying that she “has better things to do”.
IS it ever right to say “Nigger”?
American comic Chris Rock examines the issue:
The Walthamstow dog track has lost it bunny and needs a replacement for tonight’s Delouse Derby.
No, not really. That for later. For now, the Star says Big Brother fans are in uproar that with Emily Parr evicted for using racist language –albeit in a ham-fisted attempt at street culture – Charley is allowed to remain in the house.
There are claims that Charley has labelled Emily “chalky”, called Chanelle “white trash” and later told her to “paint your face black”.
Says a Big Brother producer: “Of course Big Brother takes all allegations of racism seriously and will investigate the claim and take action if necessary.” That’s the post-Shilpa party line.
How much better it would have been had Big Brother just kept Emily in the house, allowed the housemates to sort it out between themselves, just like in real life. But the tabloids would have got berserk. Black celebrities and former housemates would have been lined up to condemn the show. And Deranged of Surbiton would have called the local police station and reported a crime.
So Big Brother becomes big brother.
Emily Parr – A Nazi Business
Meanwhile the destruction of Emily Parr continues at no small pace with the Sun screaming “Em was halfwit at Auschwitz”.
Readers learn: “Giggling Emily Parr shocked pals with her lack of respect for Auschwitz victims — by having a SNOWBALL FIGHT on a school trip to the Nazi death camp.”
Given that there exists an entire sub-section of sub-human life given to Holocaust denial, singling out a teenage Emily our for chucking a snowball in the factory of horror and laughing is not a little unfair.
But then no-one said Big Brother was fair.
And we hear a former classmate of La Parr’s dutifully tell the world:
“We’d all been told to be quiet and respectful. But all Emily wanted to do was have a snowball fight with some guy she’d just met. She has no respect for anyone — she couldn’t give two hoots. All she cares about is herself.”
Another source tells us:
“To the horror of college friends she even pushed in front of a black girl in the dinner queue and said, ‘Whites first.’ “The girl was really angry but Emily just laughed it off.”
Emily is 19. She might not be the most verligte of blondes, but she might not be a verkrampte, jackbooted racist, either.
“She will forever be known as the racist girl who brought down Big Brother,” says another insider.
But chin up and chin jutted out, Emily. They say there is no such thing as bad publicity. And amid the Holocaust deniers, anti-Semites, jihadists and white supremicists, Emily might be a success story in a niche group.
Or restored to the house and apologised to…
In the Star’s front-page story “I’LL BED TWINS AND ZIGGY”, Gerry outlines his aim to turn the house into an orgy of love and lust.
“I don’t drink so sex is my only vice,” says Gerry. “And trust me – I’m very good at it.”
We trust you, Gerry. But this Big Brother housemate is of a doubting bent and wants to prove his claim to one and all. To display his love technique Gerry will pull the Marchant girls and Ziggy.
Gerry, Greek by birth, will endeavour to transform the house into a Faliraki meat market, the small town lothario chasing the blondes. All housemates are allowed to take a luxury item into the hosue and what odds that Gerry’s is a mid-range moped?
Gerry says he’s “more butch than bitch”. And thanks to the wonders of MySpace vanity publishing, we know more of Gerry.
“I’m a gym-toned boy, but I’m no cookie-cut-out fag – I’m too well-dressed to be straight,” says Gerry. What’s this? Is Gerry saying that all well-dressed men are gay? Has he just outed David Beckham, Chris Eubank and all those other men who routinely come near the top end of best dressed male polls?
Gerry goes on: “I have a weakness for smooth, cute, blue-eyed passive blondes.”
Will they be strong enough to fend him off?
Job: Charity Worker
Big Brother career: Double act with Gerry – think Hale and Pace with less humour.
Treating Lesley like an inmate in an OAP carehome. Happy slapper.
Future: Timmy Mallett’s stylist.
OAP mating programme
Livewire Seány says he was popular at school but missed out on being a head pupil as the teachers thought it would go to his head. In his late teens he went to the White House to meet Hilary Clinton, for whom he had written a poem. He says his dream job would be inventing and testing new toys, and describes himself as having big hair and big attitude. Seány’s guilty secret is that he loves Girls Aloud and admits he is heavy handed with the amount of toilet roll he uses.
First Words:”I don’t know if I like this actually.”
Life philosophy: “We’re all refugees – we stay a while and then we move on.”
Likes: Girls Aloud, dancing in supermarkets, flash mobs, The Bible (“it’s hilarious”)
Dislikes: Withdrawn people.
Why BB? It’s the ultimate challenge.
Seany, 25 is a Development Worker from Manchester, born in Derry, Northern Ireland. He is gay. Seany is not keen on camp men. He enjoys Michael Jackson. Seany went to America to support the singer, standing outside the court room during that trial.
During his school days he visited the White House to recite a poem to Hilary Clinton. He describes himself as having “big hair and a big smile”.
Home: South London
Job: Gallery Researcher
Gerry is an antiquity-loving, gallery researcher who describes himself as a hedonistic hypocrite and a total control freak. Once a month he goes to fetish clubs and loves leather, kilts and boots. He has four wardrobes full of clothes, and thinks his life would be vastly improved by a dressing room and a personal butler.
First Words:”Calm down, it’s only a TV show.”
Life philosophy: Believes “There is no heaven or hell, just continuous rebirth until your fulfil your karma and unite with a higher being.”
Likes: Paris Hilton, yoga, sex, leather.
Dislikes: “Uneducated, common people”, drugs.
Why BB?: Winning is unimportant to him, it’s all about the journey and what you learn along the way.
“THERE’S no wordage, it’s just tunage,” says Big Brother’s Tracey Barnard. Chanelle is all ears.
Being the fan of Victoria Beckham, Chanelle thinks music needs words. She probably bought Out Of Your Mind, Vicky’s work with Dane Bowers and Truesteppers, a song that does exactly what is says on the tin.
Of course there are other way to go radio rental than listening to Posh’s singing. Ask Tracey.
Chanelle wants to know if Tracey packs a deodorant when she bangin’, ‘avin it and dropping letters.
“I don’t, I’m a raver,” says Tracey, offering surprising testimony to we who expected a lengthy dialogue into the relative merits dryin’ out on Sure for Men and Mum. “It’s about being free and it doesn’t matter about that. It’s about having a phat time. It’s not about going clubbing and looking good.”
Chanelle: “It’s in a club?”
Tracey: “No it’s outside with a stack and a generator.”
Chanelle: “So your music players run on petrol?”
Tracey: “Yeah… I guess…”
But then how does the music carry on after the party’s ended? Is it the petrol fumes? Or the tunage? Or the sound of your brain drying out?
I HAVE now been watching Big Brother live for over two hours, In that time not once – NOT ONCE – has the camera picked up Tony Adams look-alike Tracey.
Earlier in the week Tracey was press-ganged into wearing make-up. Paraded before the cameras, the housemates told her how great she looked. She didn’t. She looked like Tony Adams with make-up on.
With her pink hair gelled back into a bunch and her tight-jawed manic grin covered in an emulsion of beige product, Tracey blended in with her peers. And then she disappeared.
Big Bother is, of course, no clear an uninterrupted view of the action. It is edited. And the suspicion at Anorak Towers is that rather then blending in with the wallpaper Tracey has been cut.
Tracey is not good telly. The camera likes Shabnam (favourite to be the first housemate evicted) and Lesley who aims at Jean Brodie in her prime and succeeds in looking like a magistrate in a provincial court.
Of course, Tracey is a woman on the edge. At any moment she could do the unexpected. At odds of 39-1 for the chop, Tracey is worth a look.
If you can find her…
Update: Tracey has been “in the shower”. Like Booby Ewing. Only with more crust. And now less make-up.
WAS Emma Parr a ringer, a plant to stir the pot and create controversy? And if she was a plant, what kind of plant was she? And this is a question the Big Brother producers might have considered before they asked the housemates: “What is your favourite cheese?”
WILL everyone please get rid of the Twins, Pinky & Perky (both of them). They are so much less than the sum of their parts.
Like the result of some complex mathematical formula, Sam and Amanda Marchant add up to less than zero.
In their hometown of Newcastle-under-Lyme Samanda look daring and edgy in their naughty pink Santa outfits. In the Big Brother house they look predicatable and dim, an explanation as to why the show features the word “eat” on the table and “dry” above a set of hot air machines in the bathroom.
Like those words, Samanda are statements of the bleeding obvious.
On the Betfair markets, Laura still remains outright favourite at 10/1 ahead of Carole and Chanelle both priced at 13/1.
Shabnam & Charley are now favourites for the 1st eviction market after Emily’s exit yesterday, however we will have to wait and see if an eviction does take place tonight.
On last night’s Big Brothers Big Mouth show, George Galloway announced that 2 ‘Male’ housemates will be entering the house tonight – one being Rylan Clark.
Get rid of Samanda with your FREE £10 bet here
BIG Brother’s Emily Parr is no bigot. She’s just aping what passes for nomality. Or she may indeed be a raving Neo-nazi. But this is about the language.
It’s a pretty straightforward question really, but have you ever sat on a bus in South London, or London in general and listened to the kids talking amongst themselves? Have you ever sat there and listened to a group of kids, white, black, brown or purple who are listening to tinny music on their mobile phone whilst calling each other, “nigga”, “whitey”, “paki” or whatever other word that has been officially sanctioned as no longer allowed?Does anyone complain? I bet you don’t. Sometimes I read out loud to get my own back about the music, but the language that they use is not something I care about because I cannot change it, we cannot change it. The language they use is that of their peer group and their comfortableness with each other.
The words they use are such that their meaning is carried by their contextualisation. This is why if you saw a BNP rally where they were chanting “niggers/pakis/jews/gypsies out” you’d realise very quickly that they’re not very nice people, and, frankly, just a tad ignorant too. Yet when you see a group of kids, and one white kid says to a black mate,”shut up nigga” and the other replies in kind, you know, that actually, that is just how they talk to each other.
You know that whilst they are using words that might be offensive in one sense, the same words can and are merely labels in another. One can almost visibly see the bond of acceptance between each party that contextualises the power and meaning behind the words.
Words are just words, but it is there placement within tone, intonation and circumstance where their meaning is found. This is one of the things the Internet lacks, and is precisely the reason the dreaded “emoticon” was invented. For without the occasional or the odd , it becomes difficult to understand what the meaning of the words on the screen are actually meant to be.
Where am I going with this? Could it be Big Brother by any chance? Now I don’t know the girl that has been kicked out, I don’t know what she is like outside, she could be a raving neo-Nazi for all know, but this doesn’t change the argument underneath what, going by the transcript that appears in all the newspapers today was actually said.
What is interesting, when you read it, is that the argument was made about peer groups using the terms “nigger” and “wigger” between themselves. As is almost clockwork we also saw the “some of my best friends are [insert minority here]” line come out. It is a cliché to dismiss this response, yet it is rolled out so naturally so many times that perhaps there is a hidden truth in it?
Friends speak to each other in differing ways. They use words that outside their circle may make no sense or may, sometimes, be assumed to be offensive. Someone who spends their day in a multi-racial peer group (and I have no idea if the girl on Big Brother did but it is irrelevant to the point) will, often, fall foul of acting how they do with their peers when with those who are effectively strangers.
When this happens it is their misjudgement of the situation, and also a misjudgement of the familiarity with which they are permitted to speak with the stranger. Does this make them racist, sexist, bigoted, or whatever label the dominant thought police in society choose to use? I think not, I think that actually, far from being “institutional racist” as the phrase goes, we have a much bigger problem in this country, and it stems solely from the dominance of identity politics.
We have created a society that is founded upon diversity but at the same time, and in an entirely contradictory manner, encourages separation of identity. We say, bizarrely, “we cherish and embrace our difference; but we must not ever mention that difference”. It’s a counter-intuitive way of thinking, and we only have to look at the young in a multi-racial society to see how wrong we are.
The young acknowledge their difference, embrace their difference, and happily use their difference in their language whilst, and this crucial, not seeing their difference as of meaningful relevance in the wider scheme of their lives. Meanwhile, the older generation says, “oh you mustn’t use that word” and simply attempt to suppress language in a rather blunt fashion.
Until we realise and acknowledge that labels of difference – be they on matters of race, sexuality, gender or hair colour – are used in society in non-pejorative and non-negative ways, we will never break out of the contradiction inherent in our attitude towards what we currently call “diversity”. Get on a bus between 3.30pm and 5pm today and listen, then tell me I am wrong.
BIG Brother winner Shilpa Shetty is glad Emily Parr has been chucked out of the house.
Says Shilpa: “I’m glad Channel 4 has taken action. I’m really happy and I compliment them on the action they have taken.”
Shilpa was, of course, embroiled in a Big Brother race row, involving Jade Goody, Danielle Lloyd and former SS Club 7 member Jo O’Meara.
But is Emily’s sad and offensive attempt as urban street language as bad as the treatment handed out of Shetty, who was forced to endure the torment for our entertainment?
Was Emily removed because her calling charley a “nigger” was the beginning and the end of the matter? No chance of a lingering row. No Emily gang. So Big Brother takes the publicity on offer and runs with it?
No TV tears for Emily. No chance for redemption…
GEORGE Galloway, the oily MP who demands Respect while wearing a Lycra bodysuit and using his whiskers to make like a cat, has been “rapped”.
The Sun reports that the MPs associate Fawaz Zureikat “channelled kickbacks from the UN’s oil-for-food programme into the Miriam Appeal for sick children”.
The Charity Commission, which overseas such things, says the monies came from improper sources.
Smells fishy. Like the feline Galloway…
TWO new lads will enter the Big Brother house later today. One is called Rylan Clark. Read about him here. (He has an extra letter in his name, which suggests much ambition). How Ziggy will react to the new arrivals should make for interesting viewing. Will they borrow his bronzing powder, or will they bring their own? Much debate to follow…
BIG Brother Emily Parr has been “DISOWNED” on the Mirror’s front page.
Inside Emily’s uncle James Coughlin says Emily’s use of the world “nigger” in the presence of Charley Uchea is “Disgusting”.
It is disrespectful. In the parlance of the street – although not one Emily has ever visited – Emily has dissed Charley, the greater Parr family and the Mirror, for whom the word is so awful it is produced as “n****r”.
“It’s a friendly term,” says Emily, Big Brother’s white bitch ho, “you know, making fun of people, being in a group. I would never use any offensive words like that, you know? I’m a kind girl, I’ve got a big heart for everybody.” As the Star’s front page says: “EMILY: I’M NO BIG BROTHER RACIST.”
Emily should stop there before she tells us that it’s only thanks to her innate sense of middle-class mores and suburban values that she’s able to tolerate black people like Charley and not burn them in their beds.
Back in the Mirror and BBC radio presenter DJ Spoony, a man of colour, is telling Mirror readers that no-one should use the “N-“WORD”.
Over in the Sun, former Big Brother housemate Derek Laud, an IC3 male, says that Emily’s use of the word “n*****” risks offending many good British men and women”.
Good people don’t say the word nigger, says Derek. Only bad people do. Emily is bad, and not in a 1980s street Michael Jackson way.
And Big Brother is good, on the side of the Shilpas. As the Mail’s headline says: “We will not tolerate any Big Brother racism says Channel 4. (But we’ll show it if it pulls in the viewers.)”
And if it sells papers. It really is that cynical. Shock sells. And as we have seen with the Princess Diana documentary, Channel 4 loves to shock.
Back in the Sun and readers hear from Stacey Jones, who went to college with Emily. “We all knew her racist side would come out on TV,” says Stacey, willing to deliver her Cannonball Special to add more pain to Emily, who is said to be “beyond gutted”.
“She hates ethnic minorities and fat people,” says Stacey. We learn that Emily once called a black girl a “fat n*****” who should “go work at KFC”.
(Notice how the Sun has replaced another letter of nigger with a star. It won’t be long before the word disappears completely.)
“There was one girl called Gloria and Emily used to call her fat n***** behind her back,” says Stacey. And Nathan Patel says that when he began dating one of Emily’s friends he heard Emily refer to him as a “P**I” or a “****”.
Meanwhile, Emily, who gave herself a 10 out of 10 for intelligence is holed up in hotel wondering where she goes from here.
And wondering how to get hold of Jo O’Meara. And whether she can be the new Jade Goody the gossip sheets crave…
LESLEY, aka The Brain, is jousting again. She’s holding her Women’s Institute issue cake slice liks she means it. And Samanda is powerless.
Lesley: Did you find a magic chocolate biscuit?
Sam: Yes! I did. Was that from you?
Lesley: I’m not saying. It’s a little secret. A secret gift of love.. as Tracey would say. A biscuit of love.We know all about Tracey’s biscuits. Sccoby snacks.
But what of Lesley? She’s like something from The Prisoner.
Sam: Where am I?
Lesley: In the House
Sam: What do you want?
Sam: Whose side are you on?
Lesley: That would be telling…. We want information. Information! INFORMATION!
Sam: Who are you?
Lesley: The new Number Two
Sam: Who is Number One?
Lesley: The WI is Number One, no-one is bigger than the WI
Goes on for 13 weeks…
“This gives you another crack at the whip, eh?” said Ziggy. “You’re back to square one.”
And Ziggy is back to one square before square one. Forced to nominate two housemates, one ends up chucked out for a moment of crass stupidity/racism and the other is saved.
Shabnam might now get it into her head that fame beckons. She is immune to eviction and nomination. She cannot be killed by conventional Big Brother weaponry.
There is little chance that she will nominated again next week. To vote for her twice masks of persecution. And since Jade Goody and her bigots ruled the roost, persecution is out.
And then there is Charley, second favourite for the chop. Having previously traded at a whopping 229-1 on Betfair, Charley is now 2nd favourite to go at 3-1, after Shabnam who remains the favourite at 5-2.
The hot-panted harridan with the road kill hair-don’t has gone from aggressor to victim.
Who would nominate her now, in light of Emily’s adventure in gangsta rap? No-one will. Like dogs hairs in a shagpile rug, Charley will be around for weeks.
Our tip is to put the free £10 bet on Lesley. She moans. She groans. She verbally jousts with younger housemates, Lesley’s Women’s Institute issue cake slice pitted against the Twins’ cotton wool bud.
“OK, I’ll do mangling…and postmodern irony,” say Lesley. No-one responds. No-one gets Lesley. Lesley is 11-2 after being backed as high as 999-1 to be 1st out.
So it’s time for them to get Lesley out. no one, likes a smart arse, least of all one with cellulite…