Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
INTRODUCING Kerry Blake, lapdancer and former work mate to Big Brother’s hare-raising harridan Charley Uchea.
Kerry feels duty bound to tell Star readers about Charley’s “VICE SECRET”, specifically how the wannabe Wag “posed” as a prostitute and asked “club punters” £500 a time for sex.
Charley failed to realise that lapdacing is a hands-off experience, the aim being to get inadequate, drink–softened middle managers aroused enough to return home full of apparent lust for their significant others.
But in “£500-A–NIGHT CHARLEY” we hear of Charley teasing men by offering to go to bed with them in exchange for cash.
Having seen Charley in action, this tease sounds more like a threat, extracting money with menaces. And we are unsurprised to learn of an audience member offering her £300 to go away.
“No-one seemed to fancy her that much because of her big mouth,” says Kerry, who has known Charley since she was 10. “So she was desperate for anyone to like her.”
We who have watched Charley for the past 21 days wonder if Kerry has ever met Charley, and if as they rubbed ice cubes down one another’s cleavages they exchanged so much as “How do you do?”.
The Charley we know is desperate to be in a row. She seeks out argument like a greyhound seeks out her hair.
Charley’s tactic is to create a frenzy of screaming antagonism before stomping off to the garden in her Yeti boots.
But it seems that some did like Charley, fancy her even. Kerry says Charley worked a scam where she’d agree to have sex with punters so long as they paid up first. They had to wait outside the club in the street.
If you can’t see what’ coming next, you are either a grown man less streetwise than Dora the Explorer or a sticky-fingered adolescent saving up hard to catch up with the class lothario who’s been at it since he was 14.
“I hang out with celebrities. I go to the best parties. I go to the best parties with the stars,” says Charley. “You name them, I’ve met them. But I’m still Charley from the block.”
Or as Brian puts it: “More like Charley’s been round the block.”
Brian to win at 9-1 with your free bet. Learn how to place the bet here.
BILLI is chatting up Chanelle. And Ziggy is chatting to Tracey about how he’s dating a 19-year-old Victoria Beckham fan.
“I don’t want it to go too far to be a problem. I’m questioning myself evey single day I wake up in this house,” says Ziggy.
“You’ve got to ask yourself some serious questions here Ziggy,” says Tracey.
Would he go out with a 19-year-old outside the house?
“No,” says Ziggy.
“There you go,” says Tracey.
And there goes Chanelle into Billi’s arms. A move that will threaten Chanelle’s position as favourite to win – two boyfriends in two days will only create tension.
And make us warm further to Ziggy. He’s 15-1 to win the show. Make the bet. Bet £2 of your £10 free bet. Learn how to do it here.
ON her first night out of the Big Brother house, Shabnam reveals: “I just talked and talked and talked and screamed. Everything now still feels surreal but enjoyable, enjoyable and more enjoyable.” Does she still think she’s in the house?
BIG Brother is Groundhog Day. Charley is having a row:
Charley: Did you, or do you know anyone, who put water in my boots? It’s not on.
Seány: I put a cup in yesterday as a joke but there was no water in it.
Charley: They were drenched! So it was you! I had to dry them last night. I was fuming.
Seány: I didn’t put water in. That wasn’t me. I would never have done that.
Charley: Someone has done it, and I don’t see the funny joke in it at all. I find it evil.
Charley: My pumps! A wet tissue?
Seány: That was me,” confessed Seány instantly. I didn’t realise they were yours.
Charley: This is it now. I’ve had enough of this shit. People wonder why I’m always in arguments when they treat me like that.
It’s easy money – free money. Take the bet.
THIS is the first day that all the housemates will nominate. The only thing that can beat Charley out the door is her hair. She is going next. Her odds are shrinking by the second. Back her to go with Betfair and get a free £10 bet. Learn how to do it here.
BIG Brother reject Vanessa Layton-McIntosh is recalling her time with the show’s current housemate, hair-straigtener model Billi Bhatti.
Yesterday, Anorak brought you news from the Big Brother Petri Dish. Readers learnt that Billi discovered Vanessa on MySpace.
He didn’t know who she was. From over a 100million MySpace blogs, Billi chose a former Big Brother housemate to chat up online.
Captivated by her beauty and charms, Billi failed to read all about her “BB gossip forum” and her magazine columns.
Ignorant of her fame, Billi wooed her. And Billi – 32-1 to win the show with our free bet – won.
“He’s a demon in the sack,” says Vanessa. “The sex was absolutely amazing – he’s a great kisser and really good in bed.”
Good in bed and a demon in bed. We should explore further, dive into the complex relationship between good an evil.
But Vanessa is showing the world her primary female characteristics in the Sport and has more to say.
“It wasn’t what you’d call a serious relationship – we were more like friends who f**ked,” says she.
That was then. Now Billi is on the telly and he’s got his eye on someone else. “Chanelle is definitely his type,” says Vanessa. “She is the prettiest in the house and exactly the sort of girl he finds attractive.”
For the record, Vanessa is orangey-black of skin and tangerine of hair. Her breasts are hanging out of a blue dress. Chanelle is white with blonde-ish hair. Her backside is being restrained by a strip of black dental floss. Either Vanessa doesn’t know what she’s talking about or really does think she and Chanelle are of the same mould.
Of course, both women have been on Big Brother. Maybe all women on the show end up looking the same? In which case Carole (29-1) should start to unravel her underwear and Charley (94-1) hire out her pet hair.
And what of Billi? What are the mad odds on Billi finding not one but two women who have been on the show? It’s nothing less than kismet.
DID you know that Liam – 8-1 to win the show -once looked after Sir Bobby Robson’s trees.
CHARLEY has to go next. Nicky Maxwell is telling Billi Bhattia and Brian Belo how the South London starts fights “for no reason [other than that] she is bored”. Nicky is “sick” of her behaviour in the house.
Billi suggests Charley might be doing it to give the viewers “something good to watch”.
Says Nicky: “In this environment, it’s not fair for 14 other people just to put up and shut up.”
So, if given the chance to nominate (and most of the housemates have not had a go yet) Nicky will vote for Charley. So will Laura, who Charley called the “most two-faced person in the house”. Chanelle will vote for her. And Charley will be up for eviction.
And the audience at home loathe her. So she will go.
Get in early before the vote and take Charley to be the next out at 2-1.
YOU know how we were wating for Chanelle to talk about food and tell us, a la Posh Spice, how she eats like horse and can’t put on weight and be ‘lucky Laura’ and ‘jammy Carole’ for won’t of trying?
Well, Brian Belo is talking about milk. He hates it. So does Chanelle:
“I fucking hate it. I pour skimmed milk on my cereal then drain it off just so the cornflakes are wet. I absolutely hate it. I hate it. It makes me want to kill myself.”
Is she pouting yet..?
Chanelle’s favouite to win! Back her with a free tenner.
Gerry is being kicked out of his pre-celebrity house. “Before BB started everyone was trying to get hold of him,” says Sara MacRae, who has lived with Gerry, in the Star.
“We were wondering why he was being so irresponsible because he isn’t usually.
“He told me he was going away to Greece for three weeks because his aunt was ill and basically he wasn’t going to be easy to get hold of.
“I saw him pack and I was thinking, ‘Why is he packing leathers to go to his aunt’s who is sick?’”
You mean aunty Carole..?
MORE coupling in the Big Brother Petri Dish as the News of The World says Billi Bhatti “wooed” former BB contestant Vanessa Layton-McIntosh.
Billi a model, it says here, is said to have discovered Vanessa on MySpace.
And – get this – Billi did not know who she was. Yes, Really. Imagine that. Billi ends up on Big Brother and out of 100million MySpace blogs he chooses a former Big Brother housemate to chat up online. Kismet.
A friend explains: “He just really liked the look of her, but didn’t realise she had been on telly. She’s just Billi’s type—all smoky eyes and sexy curves. They swapped a few flirtatious emails and then decided to meet up for a drink. Then things really took off.”
Billi ended up on Big Brother. And Vanessa got another go another go at celebrity. Not that Billi looks like he’ll hang around for long – he’s second favourite for eviction at a generous 33-1. (Back him with your free £10 bet.)
Wouldn’t it be spooky if Billi and Vanessa had the same agent…
A YEAR or so ago Pete ‘Wankers’ Bennett was the star of the show. But now this is for sale:
Welcome to the No1 Pete Bennett Fan Site!
This website is dedicated to Pete Bennett, his Fans and Tourette’s!
THIS WEBSITE / DOMAIN IS FOR SALE!!
2200 FORUM MEMBERS, NO.1 IN GOOGLE FOR ALL RELEATIVE SEARCH PHRASES, 1000’S OF VISITORS EVERY MONTH – INTERESTED?
Is anyone interested in Pete? Nikkkkkkkkki?
BOREDOM in the hosue. So up steps Carol to show us what she learnt in the Greenham Common wimmins’ (we-shall-not-be) movement. She knits a…football. The lumpenproletariat rejoice. Carole saves the day. Carole goes in goal. The fat kid goes in goal to ensure they will be picked. Or, in Carole’s case, that they won’t be… Carole to win at 26-1. Learn how to place your bet here. And how to get your FREE £10 bet here…
IS this what the Suffragettes got their heads stoved in by horses hooves for?
The furore over racism has helped obscure the sexism that characterises this series and which nobody notices, doubtless in part because the women are such willing participants. Even before the Emily incident, the show reminded me of Clueless, Amy Heckerling’s update of Emma. Only now the target of parody is Jane Austen’s near contemporary, Mary Wollstonecraft: Big Brother, meet Sister Suffragette.
In her Vindication of the Rights of Women, Wollstonecraft objected to the lack of education that left women choosing between two forms of prostitution: the “common” form, streetwalking, or the “legal” form, marriage. Cue Big Brother contestant Chanelle, who aspires to our newest form, Waggage.
YOU are the “clients”. The “business” is the celebrity. And know:
The lifeblood of what we, the suppliers of these marketing services, do as a matter of survival is to focus regularly upon winning new clients, or to defend existing business against ravenous rivals. It is a fickle sector where success or failure feels like constantly pulling on wet tissue paper, and where certain vital decisions are made subjectively or, on occasion, illogically.
He’s got it all worked out…
The paper omits to say what this orgy consists of, and having watched Big Brother 8 since it began, Anorak suggests it’s an orgy of moaning, whining and bitching.
Of course there are four news housemates. Shabnam, who left with her backside exposed (Sun: “Shabnam gets bum’s rush”) has left and been replaced by Brian Belo, Liam McGough, Jonathan Durden, Billi Bhatti and .
Of course, what with them being lads, the orgy may be one of released gas, fighting and singing bawdy songs about ten German bombers and girls from Faliraki.
Or they could talk about rehab with Jonathan. As the Sun reports, “BIG Brother millionaire Jonathan Durden is nursing a secret heartache — the death of his wife.”
Who says you can’t fined entertainment in anything? And readers learn that madcap John’s wife of 18 years, Laura Naska Durden, was found dead in 2003 “after suffering from anorexia”.
He grew depressed. He checked into The Priory.
But he got better. And better. As a pal tells us: “He’s one of those mad, creative types who always live life on the edge. He became quite a hit with the ladies — he was very, very successful. His s******g exploits are legendary.”
We lean that he used “mind techniques” to bed women.
So we might get an altogether more risqué kind of orgy after all. Now if John can just locate Samanda’s mind…
The motor-mouthed human irritant is the first housemate to be voted out. The remaining boys and girls will no doubt be looking forward to a little more peace and quiet.
Good lord, the twins and indeed Charley are rather excited by the arrival of 19-year-old Brian. The Data Entry clerk and self-confessed ‘party boy’ has a look of 50 Cent about him and the ladies seem to like it. He apparently has imaginary friends.
Brian is a self confessed ‘Jack the lad’ who likes to dabble in a spot of cosmic ordering. He reckons he can self-hypnotize and deals with boredom by “talking to my imaginary hot girls”. Brian would like to think of himself as a wild child, but the thought of leaving home for university scares him. He’s a leader rather than a follower and an “original party boy with lots of sex appeal”.
Job: Data entry clerk
First Words: “That’s well pukka”
Life philosophy: “What goes around comes around”
Likes: Mike Skinner, Holly Valance and Big Brother!
Dislikes: Animals (scared of them), people who are too in your face and not getting his own way.
Why BB?: He wants to be a legendary housemate.
Liam, 22, is apparently a ‘lad’. When he’s not working as a tree surgeon he indulges in laddish things like playing sport and erm, living with his parents. The twins seem to like him though, judging by the excited welcome they gave him.
Job: Tree Surgeon
Tall tree surgeon Liam is a bit of a ladies man and his chain-saw scars add to his rugged appeal. Good job really seeing as he’s covered in them. The easy-going 22-year-old thinks he’ll keep the other Housemates laughing, but don’t tell them about his night-time habit of sucking his thumb.
First Words: “Mental”
Life philosophy: “To enjoy life, and make sure others enjoy theirs.”
Likes: Family, reading, nights out with the lads, tact
Why BB?: He’s team-oriented and will cheer people up. Thinks he’ll win.
The second new housemate is 49-year-old multi-millionaire media company director Jonathan. Looking like a chubby Holly Johnson of Frankie Goes To Hollywood fame, he apparently hates “dithering” and “injustice”.
Job: Founder and president of a media agency
Big Brother career: A less showbizzy rehab centre.
Self-made millionaire Jonathan considers himself to be the “luckiest f***** on the planet” and a “lazy git”. The businessman and dad of two lives in London, is super-competitive, loves cars and says his mates think he looks like an oompa lumpa. Make of that what you will.
First Words: “How bizarre”
Life philosophy: Chaos rather than fate. And “we are 96 per cent water and lucky.”
Likes: Cars, comedy, property, car mags.
Why BB?: He has never seen it.
Now we know what happened to one-hit wonder Babylon Zoo. Billi, yes, that is with an ‘i’, is a long-haired pouting model who goes under the name of Massimo when working. He likes Page Three girls, apparently.
Big Brother Career: Big Brother shagger.
Future: Lead part in Zoolander II
Billi is a successful model with a passion for WWF wrestling. His worst fear includes waking up with a shaved head. He says that “gorgeous girls, money and attention” make him happy. He is confident, admits to being vain and says looking out for himself is number one. He enjoys going to the gym and plays football regularly.
First Words: “Hello, I’m Billi”
Life philosophy: Believes that no matter what path he chooses to take he will be happy.
Likes: Moussaka, wrestling, Essex girls and American sitcoms.
Dislikes: Women who challenge him.
Why BB?: Is competitive and he wants to play against everyone.
HERE’S Shabnam on “Britain’s Got More Talent”. Bring on the dancing dandrufff…
HERE’S the tape of double act Shabs ‘n’ Flakes on that Embarrassing Illness programme:
Itchy, flaky scalp? Why not cover it in make-up…
THE smoking ban comes into force on July 1. From that day on, Charley will be unable to stomp off into the garden for a fag. What release will she have from the stress of starting a row and being unable to finish it? Of course, Charley will do as she pleases. And be fined. She could even become the first person to flout the law. Who needs Big Brother with a lasting fame like that..?
Chanelle is the new favourite and the only housemate to have significantly shortened, she has gone from 9.2 to 8.4.
Learn how to use your free £10 bet here.
With the first eviction taking place tonight, Shabnam is massive favourite at 1.04 and this price is only likely to shorten as her eviction is imminent.
The Eviction Percentage markets clearly show the public feel that even though there are three people up for eviction, Shabnam is likely to receive more than two-thirds of the vote with the first evictee receiving ‘Over 65 Percent’ of the vote priced at 1.16.