Anorak

Celebrities | Anorak - Part 368

Celebrities Category

Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.

Vicky Says David Beckham Does Lines

UPDATES from the House of Beckham in the Mail, where readers learn that David Beckham will only vacuum the house in “straight lines”, while wearing a pinafore apron. Victoria says David “gets funny” when someone steps on his newly vacuumed …

Posted: 2nd, November 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Amy Winehouse Courts Rehab

SAYS Amy Winehouse’s father Mitch of the singer’s husband, soon to appear in a courtroom: “If Blake were to go to jail for GBH it would probably be the best thing that could happen for Amy. It would give her …

Posted: 2nd, November 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


California On Fire – The Movie

WHEN the film of the fire is made who will play Robert Redford? As the National Enquirer notes Redford was one of the stars forced to say “Oh My God” as fire swept through the countryside.

Other roles to be …

Posted: 1st, November 2007 | In: National Enquirer | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Angelina Jolie’s ‘Web Of Lies’

“ANGELINA’S WEB OF LIES,” announces the Enquirer’s front page.

Lies? Can it be that Angelina Jolie’s’s favourite word is not “Lemsip” and, as we have read in countless other oranges of record, her second best colour ever (in the whole …

Posted: 1st, November 2007 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Britney Spears Calls For A Blackout

QUESTION of the day: “Would Britney Spears dress a little less like a hooker is she had a man?”

That question to you, Daily Star readers. But with no phone number to register “YES” and “NO”, Star readers may struggle …

Posted: 31st, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


David Beckham’s Pro-Celebrity Soccer

CELEBRATE David Beckham’s return to playing as he prepares to take on Hollywood United in a pro-celebrity match.

Beckham he will representing the pros in La Galaxy white, although reserves the right to play the second half for Hollywood United …

Posted: 31st, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


David Beckham Respects Tom Cruise’s Religion

SAYS David Beckham on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes: “We respect their religion. We respect everything they do and believe in.”

Having helped the Los Angeles Galaxy to play no part in the MLS Cup Playoffs, David has selflessly freed …

Posted: 30th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Rev Robert Shields’ Diary: Dear David and Victoria Beckham…

“WORLD’S longest diary comes to an abrupt end,” announces the Times. We blanch. We scurry to the tabloids and learn that Victoria Beckham respects Tom Cruise’s religion and David is to be cast in bronze.

Whatever can the Times mean? …

Posted: 30th, October 2007 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Princess And The Bea

“I’M not so royal now, am I!” says Princess Beatrice.

Another day and another chance for the Royal Family to show that beneath the taffeta and the lace, under the bridge work and ten paces to the left of the …

Posted: 28th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Britney Spears: “Eat it! Lick it! Snort it! F*** it”

BRITNEY Spears is in court. Britney Spears leaves court. Troubled Britney Spears flounces out of the court saying, “Eat it! Lick it! Snort it! F*** it!”

Britney returns to the courtroom. Britney Spears sobs.

Troubled Britney is embroiled in a …

Posted: 27th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Beckham Watch: Today Victoria Is…

VICTORIA Beckham is “waisted in LA”. The Sun’s scoop is that Vicky is wearing a waistcoat…in Los Angeles. What with the fires and all. “Posh, 33, flew into Los Angeles airport from Japan in the sleeveless top.” We have every …

Posted: 27th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Tortured Amy Winehouse Is No Troubled Britney

AMY Winehouse is “Troubled” in the Mirror. In the Star, she is “Tortured”. Says Winehouse:

“I really thought I was on the way out. My husband Blake saved my life, brought me to hospital.” Winehouse was on a composite blend …

Posted: 26th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (18) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Britney Spears Carrie’s On With Her New Guy

DID Britney Spears start the fires in Malibu? Do we fear the worst on reading the Star’s headline: “I’M GONNA SET FIRE TO KEVIN”?

Is this a remake of Carrie that went wrong? Went right?

“Remember, remember, the firth of …

Posted: 26th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Kerry Katona’s Miracle Lamborghini

THE results of our survey are in and you the readers want a statue of Kerry Katona to be erected in her native Spud U Like, Warrington Chapter.

Congratulations to Kerry, who can be seen on the front of OK! …

Posted: 24th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Nick Nolte Takes A Journey Up Clytie Lane, Hollywood

“THREE chanting midwives delivered Nick Nolte’s baby daughter to his Pilates instructor girlfriend Clytie Lane at their Malibu home – with no doctor present.”

For some time Anorak has been studying the National Enquirer and translating its bon mots for …

Posted: 24th, October 2007 | In: National Enquirer | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Anna Nicole Smith: Geraldo Money And Tape

ANNA Nicole Smith is dead. And the making of tabloid sensation…

Posted: 24th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Britney Spears Shorts Spark Interest In Malibu

“TROUBLED Britney Spears is in the Mirror. She’s wearing clothes. Again. Troubled Britney is sporting a pair of green and yellow tartan shorts that are seemingly being chewed by her thighs in readiness for ingestion.

But though the Mirror is …

Posted: 24th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Strictly Come Dancing: Penny Lancaster Does The Mashed Potato

SAYS Strictly Come Dancing agonist Penny Lancaster in her diary: “It’s the eve of Strictly, so as a treat dinner’s on the table when I get in. Rod’s got a chef to cook us pork chops and mashed potatoes, then …

Posted: 24th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Fall Guys: Celebrity Survivor In Malibu

“MALIBU MELTS,” screams the Sun. “PARADISE IN FLAMES,” announces the Mirror.”

THE COAST IS TOAST,” says the cover of a DVD starring Tommy Lee Jones as man trying to plug a Volcano with his thumb and bridled grit.

But this …

Posted: 23rd, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Amy Winehouse Is Chuffing

A PAL of Amy Winehouse tells us: “We were chuffed when she was caught with cannabis. Everyone used to worry about her cannabis habit, but now we look back at those days fondly.” Filed under “beyond parody”……

Posted: 23rd, October 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Amy Winehouse Looks Like Someone On Drugs In Norway

“WINO IS USED BY COPS FOR DRUGGIE TRAINING,” says the Sun on the matter of Amy Winehouse’s arrest at the Radisson SAS, Bergen, Norway.

The paper holds its nose as guests hotel in Bergen complain about the whiff of “weed” …

Posted: 20th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (10) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Lindsay Lohan Drinks Herself In

LINDSAY Lohan talks to OK! about her rehab.

But a therapeutic interview was not Lohan’s first post-rehab move. Number one on the agenda was “to focus on my sobriety”.

Lindsay will imbibe Lindsay. As she tells us, the most important …

Posted: 18th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Britney Spears Loses Her Kids Again

IN the last few months Britney Spears has lost her rhythm, her looks and her children. Only the Australians and French have lost more in recent times.

And now we learn over the wires that Britney Spears is losing contact …

Posted: 18th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (8) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Taboid Headline Of The Day: Jennifer Aniston’s Bikini Line

THE Tabloid headline of the day, as told by the National Enquirer, on the matter of Jennifer Aniston: “Her ex waxer tells all!”

Look out for the “Rachel cut” at a slon near you. Why? Because you’re worth it!…

Posted: 17th, October 2007 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Liz Hurley Unveils Her Church And Home Range

WHAT fabulous motif adorns the new kneelers at St Mary’s chapel, in the grounds of Sudeley Castle, is not given, but they are from the Liz Hurley atelier and we expert much.

But we expect less than the venue’s parishoners, …

Posted: 17th, October 2007 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0