Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Big Brother: What Would Posh Do?
LOGO Chanelle is cosying up to Ziggy:
“I’m hungry again,” she says. “I’m always hungry. Suggest something.”
Eating? too easy. What would Victoria Beckham do? Any ideas..?
Posted: 4th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Big Brother: Tracey Barnard Is Unwell
TONY Adams look-alike Tracey (is it the old England and Arsenal captain?) is into free expression and ‘avin it. The walking advert for banning raving for anyone over 30 is laying down the law.
So far she has warned the housemates: against wearing make-up; against not being themselves; and now against turning on the lights when she goes to bed early – “It’s disrespectful to do that. It’s not respectful for other people.” She wants housemates going to bed after her to put a shoe in the door and get dressed as quickly as possible and hop straight into bed.
But we say flick the light swith on and off and on and off and on, throw a bucket of mud on her head and tell her she’s not in Big Brother but having a bad trip in the Chieveley Service station, off the M4.
Posted: 4th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Big Brother: Logo Chanelle’s Impetigo
CAN you get impetigo on your feet? Carole is rationing the toilet paper, providing an insight into what the wimmin of Greenham Common did when they weren’t chewing the fence.
Chanelle: “And then, putting the toilet paper on the table where people put their feet! And we’re gonna have to use that toilet paper. And if someone’s got something disgusting on their feet, like impetigo, then we’ll get it… everywhere else!”
Posted: 4th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Big Brother’s ‘Ziggy’ Zac Lichman Squats With the Apes
Ziggy, il s’appelle ziggy
Je suis folle de lui
THE Mirror’s front-page introduces readers to “King Ziggy…before he was Biggy”.
There’s a picture of Big Brother’s Zac Lichman when he appeared in a school play.
The name of the show is not reported, but if pushed we’d say it was the school nativity and Zac is bringing the new-born bay-bee Jesus a golden handycam to record his life on. For it is written.
And who knew back then that Zac would go on to sing in the boy band Northern Line, a group named after the London Underground train line known locally as the “Misery Line”?
But Zac managed to cheer up a few hapless travellers. A source tells us Zac “slept with hundreds of women, he has had loads of orgies with fans”.
And this brought him into direct action with homemade porn star Abi Titmuss, reality TV singer and Darren Day ex Suzanne Shaw and Natasha Hamilton, who once sang with the band Atomic Kitten.
And now Ziggy is in the house, the only male among 11 women. Tony Parsons, writing in the Mirror, says Ziggy’s arrival is up there with David Attenborough squatting with the apes.
After this slight on Charley, her pelt and her housemates, Parsons says Ziggy’s appearance is in the “same league as the Sex Pistols swearing at Bill Grundy. It was the funeral of Churchill and David Bowie on Top of The Pops. And Simon fitting his phallic trampoline legs on The Apprentice rolled into one.”
Parsons recognises that TV is TV whatever the subject matter. The viewing experience is the same whether we are watching a state occasion or a reality TV show. TV homogenises all it broadcasts.
So Ziggy is Winston Churchill, dressed in a blonde wig, goaded by the stuffed shirt into doing something outrageous and miming to a song on the telly.
He’s made for TV…
Ziggy, il s’appelle ziggy
Je suis folle de lui
C’est un garçon pas comme les autres
Posted: 4th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)
Big Brother: Danielle Lloyd And Charley At War
“BIG BROTHER BABES BLOODY BITCH FIGHT.”
The shock over why the Star should scream “FIGHT” where surely “BOUT” should sit pales when we see the pictures of Charley Itchea and Danielle Lloyd.
News is that Danielle is “at war” with “Big Bro bitch Charley”. Danielle has recently had her front reequipped with more impressive warheads. And Dani is wearing tight shorts not seen since the ravages of war forced the Hitler Youth to ration leather.
But before the two can rip into each other, we need to know why they are fighting.
Thankfully, the Star is happy to illuminate. Looking past Dani and Charley’s weapons of mass distraction, we read of “Dani’s bust-up with BB Charley”.
It seems that both women share “a love of footballers”. Not their money. Not their fame. Just the footballers.
And we are back in London’s Paper club. A tune had come on the stereo and Dani has jumped onto a table to dance. Charley follows suit. And like a pair of vibrating salt and pepper grinders Dani and Charley gyrate.
Dani topples to the floor. There is blood on her leg. Charley is amused. And now it is war.
And the battle should begin when Charley is booted from the house any moment soon.
Wave goodbye to Charley with a FREE bet: use the promotional code…
Posted: 4th, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Brain’s Self-Containment
LESLEY thinks the big difference between her and the other housemates is her “containment”. And we just thought she was just old enough to be their grandma. You live and you learn…
Posted: 3rd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Ichea’s Not Big Brother Bovvered
ICHEA is not bovvered. Look at her face. Go on. Look at it. “They get on my f*ckin’ nerves,” she says. So she is bovvered. But she’s not an “ar*e sucker”. She’s not bovvered. She thinks Ziggy’s going for a “Tom Tank” in the Diary Room. Would this be a Big Brother first? And he’s sleeping next to Charley. He better not wake up “with his ar*e in my face”, says Charley. Why? For hitherto stated reasons? Or because Charley might mistake it for her hair?
Posted: 3rd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Emily Parr: The Big Brother Skinny
EMILY had her first pair of skinny jeans three and half years ago. I had mine in 1976! In your face.
Posted: 3rd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (11)
Big Brother’s Germans
ARE the Germans in the adverts to make us like the housemates more? What the Germans think we think of them here
Posted: 3rd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Opposites Attract: Ziggy And Carole’s Big Brother Kiss
“YOU’RE cool as cats,” Ziggy tells Carole. Or at least as cool as a woman who lives with lots of cats…
Posted: 3rd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Big Brother Charley Ichea Looks Like A Survivor
SAYS Charley:
“Every time I go out, I get told I look like someone new. Javine, Alesha from Misteeq, Destiny’s Child…”
…Charlie Richardson, Kieran Richardson, Kieran Dyer, Kier Hardy…
Posted: 3rd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (14)
Big Brother’s Logo Chanelle: Will She..?
Spare Ziggy has been set the task of speed dating each housemate with a meal. And the burning question: if Chanelle is Victoria Beckham, will she eat? And will she say how she eat like a horse – you can lead a mare to water but you can’t make her retain the stuff…
Posted: 3rd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Parr For The Course: Big Brother’s Cocaine Shock
ON Emily Parr in the People:
POSH Big Brother blonde Emily Parr gets her kicks from cocaine and kinky lesbian sessions, The People can reveal.
Pretty Emily, 19, looks every inch the middle-class graduate – but behind the well-spoken image she is a party girl spending up to £100 a night on cocaine.
“But?” Middle-class graduate spends money on cocaine? Can it be so..?
Posted: 3rd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Big Brother’s Pinky & Perky Sing On Video
SAM and Amanda Marchant can sing. They can dance. They can walk in a straight-ish line…
Posted: 3rd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Arse About Face: Big Brother Amanda and Sam Marchant’s Foursome
BIG Brother’s Pinky & Perky, Amanda and Sam Marchant, are the subject of much polemic in the News of the World.We join the action after “a night of booze”. Lee Cowan is in bed with Amanda (Pinky & Perky)” at the home of the girls’ mum Janet. Unbeknownst to the lads the girls have swapped beds to see if their lovers notice any difference between them.
“It’s every man’s fantasy to be with a girl and her identical twin sister,” says Lee, an incest enthusiast. “Well, my mate Rich Minor and I lived it for real. These girls love sex. Sam and Amanda may dress up as angels for a laugh, but let me tell you, those girls are no angels.”
Girls who love sex? What perversion is this? But Lee is adamant that these teenage blondes actually enjoy sex. And they might even have enjoyed it with Lee.
Arse and Elbow
He goes on: “The girl I thought to be AMANDA was already in bed so I stripped off and climbed in beside her.
“At first she lay still. So I started by stroking her back then started sliding my hands over her body—I certainly through I recognised all the curves.”
Lee is an experienced groper. He recognises all the curves, spotting the difference between an arse and an elbow. Not wishing to delay the action, we return to Lee’s stroke-‘n’-tell…
Lee: “By now my hands were all over her and things were starting to get really steamy—and she was responding, moaning and groaning.”
Saying things like: “That’s my elbow, Lee”, “Have we don’t it yet?” and “What’s it with you an elbows?”
Lee continues: “By now I was getting really turned on and started to take things further, we were getting to boiling point…and that’s when I got an elbow in the face!”
Well, whatever turns you on, Lee…
“She screamed, ‘I’m SAM!’ I couldn’t believe it.”
Back to groping class for Lee. It seems that not all curves are the same after all.
Spot The Differences
“It was wild,” says Lee, who spots Ryan emerging from Amanda’s bedroom. “We ran out into the landing, stunned. The girls are so similar it’s impossible to tell the difference.”
But there must be something they do to set them apart, Lee? “They say they want a man sandwich, but the only sandwich I saw them make was a ‘Sammy’s Special Sandwich’ which she’d make thinking it was an amazing creation. It was bread with cheese and lettuce!”
That’s Sammy who is “definitely the more aggressive and moody”. Says Lee: “I think Sam will be the flirty one. She always gave the impression that all it would take to pull her would be to buy her a drink and a kebab. Amanda was the bigger challenge.”
Two drinks and a kebab?
Posted: 3rd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (44)
Jade Goody Is A Bully – No, Really
Nasty Nick Bateman is in conversation:
After the Big Brother racism row during the last Celebrity BB, do you believe Jade Goody deserved the criticism she received?
“I do. She has been a veteran of these shows and she should know better. I have worked with her and in my opinion she is a bully.”
Posted: 2nd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Emily Parr Is Harry Potter’s Big Brother
EMILY Parr is an aspiring actress. And according to her bio under “Additional Skills” she is:
“Actor, Talented Dancer, Good Mimic, chrous Singer, Fluent Spanish speaker, Good Public Speaker, Drawing, Painting, Football, Poetry, Harry Potter, Tennis, Waitress.”
Yeah. Harry Potter. That’s a skill. But what does she do with him?
And she will go naked. But “Only professionally”. And in the best possible taste…
Emily to win? Free bet…
Posted: 2nd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Logo Chanelle Wants Big Brother Tat
CHANELLE told us: “I try to get at least two comments a day about how much I look like Victoria.”
That’s Victoria Beckham. Chanelle is a fan of Her Poshness. No, come on, Chanelle is THE fan of Posh. If anyone of us were told we looked like a constipated Pikenese twice a day, we’d hide away in small room and weep.
But Logo Chanelle likes Posh; she wants to look like David Beckham’s lollipop headed tick.
She’s been talking about marriage. “Anyway, I want my husband’s initial tattooed here,” says Chanelle to Ziggy. She points to her wrist, “and he’s gonna get mine tattooed there on the same one.”
Terry William Andrew Turner would be proud…
Posted: 2nd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Sweet Carole Vincent: Big Brother’s All Talker
“I DON’T know what you’re talking about,” says Carole to Charley. “Don’t care. Couldn’t give a s***. I’m not getting into no arguments. It’s all f****** rubbish.”
This is Carole who told us: “I am gonna shake it something rotten and they will be shaking s***less. If people want an argument, here’s the f***ing argument!”
Charley wants an argument. Anyone else thinking Carole is all talk and no do – this year’s sexual terrorist…
Posted: 2nd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Zac Lichman Ah: Big Brother’s Harem-Scare-um
“ZIGGY’S HAREM,” screams the Star’s front page. “Big Bro hunk can have ‘em all.”
Harem Scare-um, indeed.
Can it be that Ziggy’s dating – that has taken in reality TV stars Suzanne Shaw (Pop Idol) and Abi Titmuss (Love Island; Blue Peter Does Porn) – has been ramping up to this meeting with Carole?
As the Mirror’s front page says, Zac is “one for the ladies”.
And as the Sun reports, Zac calls himself a “randy and-up-for-it ladies’ man” and admits he hopes for romance in the house.
“He looks a bit like David Beckham. Maybe we’ll have a bit of Posh and Becks action in the house with Chanelle,” says Davina.
Says Ziggy: “I think Chanelle is very much my type… I fancy her. She seems like a sweet girl and she’s pretty.”
So look out for those two getting it on and Carole making animal noises while Emily does a passable impression of Rebecca Loos.
And, of course, Ziggy, is the only one allowed to nominate this week. On his nod hang so many lads mags’ photo spreads.
Such is the power…
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Posted: 2nd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Big Brother’s Women Institute Masterclass
LESLIE might have put the “man” in the WI, but she’s here to help.
She’s got her knickers in her hand and is eyeing the mangle like she means it.
Says Leslie: “Now this will be one of the first times the mangle has met ‘magic knickers’.”
Knickers were fed into contraption. Leslie stood well back.
“For the benefit of the cameras,” she confided, holding up her ‘magic knickers’, “this is what you wear in real life. “And this,” she said, holding up a leopard-print wrap, “is what you wear in the event of a fire.”
The housemates looked on. Firemen grew cold. The BB WI wondered about making a calendar…
Free Money here
Posted: 2nd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Spacey Tracey: Big Brother Drugs Test
BIG BROTHER producers are testing Tracey’s cigarette papers amid suggestions she soaked them in drugs before the show. Is she, like look-alike Worzell Gummidge, off her head?
Posted: 2nd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (11)
Scratching The Big Brother Ichea
CHARLEY Ichea was sacked from a lapdancing bar for being “too raucnghy”.
As a source tells the Sun: “She was sacked twice for dirty dancing. Charley stepped over the line.
“The first time she did it she apologised and was allowed back but she broke the rules once more.”
Says club owner Peter Stringfellow: “She was at Stringfellows but we had to stop her from working for us. We have strict rules.”
If anyone knows what the rules are, tell us…
Posted: 2nd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Zac Lichman Is Big Brother’s Age Of Love
ZAC Lichman is the last man on earth. Nicknamed Ziggy, Zac is the reality TV show watching the reality TV show.
Over in the United States, Australian tennis player Mark Philippoussis is to star in NBC’s new dating reality show, Age of Love.
Tennis ace Mark has to choose his dream date from a bevy of lovelies. Seven of the 13 desperately single American women competing for him to be aged over 40 – “40 and fabulous.”
So now you see. Zac has to consider not only Chanelle and Charley to create new life in the Big Brother Petri dish but also Carole and Leslie.
And who would not want to see Zac in a clinch with the fragrant Carole?
Posted: 2nd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Big Brother’s Zac Lichman
Name: Ziggy
Age: 26
Home: North London
Job: Broker
Star sign:
Big Brother Career: Celebrity shagger. Iceland adverts. Duncan James wannabe. Antony Charles Robert Armstrong-Jones look-alike. Parrot.
Ziggy is a fashion conscious ex-model and ex-boyband member. Despite his good looks he considers himself a down to earth guy and feels strongly about cruelty to animals. Ziggy’s dream job is to work for Hugh Hefner, but he has just finished training as a broker. He is proud of his boyband days and enjoyed writing their hits and still writes in his spare time. If he could make a law it would for there to be a National Short Skirt Day and he is definitely up for romance in the House.
Status: Single.
Life Philosophy: “Work hard, play hard.”
Likes: Animals, sport and exercise, music, fashion and property hunting.
Dislikes: Rats and mice, mouthy girls and arrogance.
Why BB?: “It looks like an amazing fun experience.”
Most people have trouble finding a seat on London’s Misery Line:
Posted: 2nd, June 2007 | In: Celebrities | Comments (129)
