Anorak

Celebrities | Anorak - Part 406

Celebrities Category

Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.

The Wedding Planner

‘IF the Americans knew where Britain actually was, they could come over here and make TV programmes pointing out how absurd we are – but they seem to be labouring under the impression that we are all a lot smarter than them.

An English Rose

Of course, when a man who can barely pronounce his own name can make it into the White House, it is very easy for us to feel a bit smug.

It is a feeling that is only exacerbated by the likes of Louis Theroux, Ali G and Daisy Donovan, all of whom have found much to laugh about in the rich tapestry that is American society.

For instance, tonight Daisy visits Gatlinburg, Tennessee, a town devoted entirely to weddings, marrying as it does 25,000 people a year and takes a job as a wedding co-ordinator.

The couple, whose wedding Daisy organises, tearfully tell her that she is the best wedding co-ordinator they have ever had – which makes one suspect that they have visited Gatlinburg with different partners a fair few times before.

Of course, if you want a cheap laugh at Americans, you could just watch President Bush on the news tonight. But that’s just cruel…’

Posted: 20th, November 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


In A Sunshine State

‘AS any protestor against God FM shock-jocks Bush and Blair will tell you, “no-one” in Britain wants George Bush to be here. No-one is a pretty definite number.

”Shall I get fries with the burger?”

But we have found at least two people who think George Bush is nice enough and wouldn’t mind putting their necks under his yoke of terror.

Well, ITV did the hunting, and tonight it shows us a nice couple who Want That House in Florida (ITV 5:30).

Perhaps this nice couple only want the home in the Sunshine State, the swampy place ruled by Governor Jeb Bush, Dubya’s brother, while Dubya’s out of town? Call it a timeshare.

But who cares since a protestor will tell you that no-one likes this programme? They’ll tell you that “no-one” likes Florida. No-one likes its Governor. No-one likes its oranges. And no-one likes Mickey Mouse. No-one.

Which leaves us looking for things we do like. And since we are told by protestors that we all like not liking George Bush, we might as well all go out and protest against him.

That will leave no-one indoors to watch the telly, other than the 18-odd million who get their thrills from Coronation Street. But let’s not worry about them. As any protestor will tell you, they are “no-one” special.’

Posted: 19th, November 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Snack Attack

‘AS President Bush puts his feet up on his first night in London, dips his hand into a large bowl of pretzels and tries to eat them without blacking out, he will no doubt feel right at home – TV in Britain is just as bad as TV over in the good ole US of A.

‘So how many Queen Elizabeths do you have?’

In fact, on many channels it is exactly the same as TV in the States with programmes like CSI: Miami and CSI: Crime Scene Investigation all doing a good job of making the President feel like he’s still at home.

The FBI Files, also on Five, reminds Bush that the Feds may not be able to spot a terrorist attack when it’s called Osama and is poking them in the face but they have at least solved one crime in their history.

And later on that evening, George Dubya can take in the NFL Game Of The Week with coverage of San Francisco 49ers against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Alternatively, Bush might like to take in a bit of local flavour with Royal Gardeners on BBC2 examining the elaborate gardens of Queen Elizabeth I. At least, it should give him something to talk to her daughter about…’

Posted: 18th, November 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


What The Doctor Ordered

‘SUCH is the power of the Atkins Diet that by the time you have finished reading this your writer will be ten pounds lighter.

‘I stink therefore I am thin’

So light will I be that my fingers will actually float over the keyboard, followed by my paper-thin arms, my to-die-for waist and what’s left of my legs.

Many of you will know what I’m taking about since there are an estimated three million Britons on the diet.

Of those millions, almost all are celebrities.

Some of the others who make up the remaining hundred or so thousand dieters want to be like a celeb. Others just want to be less fat. And as nation, we are fat and getting fatter all the time.

So Dr Atkins it is. And tonight Channel 4 broadcasts a documentary that weighs the pros and cons of the eating regime.

But if ever a show needed smell-o-vision this one is it. You might look good after Dr Atkins has sculpted you. You might feel good. But you will smell like a decaying squirrel.

And unless that’s what a Hollywood star smells like (and we’re sure Catherine Zeta Jones does not), you’d best avoid the diet all together.’

Posted: 17th, November 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


New News

‘ALEXANDER Armstrong, one half of the comedy duo Armstrong & Miller, takes over from Jimmy Carr in the Have I Got News For You hot seat tonight.

‘Well, I can’t be the compere and be a team member every week as well’

Carr, co-presenter of Channel 4’s excellent Your Face Or Mine, meanwhile can be found later this evening on the same channel hosting a game show called Distraction, in which four contestants have to answer questions while being put off by various often painful challenges.

On ITV at the same time is The Frank Skinner Show, which is moved temporarily from its normal Monday night home because of Prime Suspect.

That means for one week at least it will go head-to-head with Jonathan Ross and looking at the respective line-ups this is not a battle Wossie can be too confident of winning.

True, he has Ricky Gervais on his couch, but would you put Leslie Ash up against Hollywood heavyweight Robert Downey Jnr and heavyweight polemicist Michael Moore? She might get more than a fat lip…’

Posted: 14th, November 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Daisy, Daisy

‘DAISY Donovan is the funniest woman on TV right now.

Louise Theroux

We can say that with great confidence since Daisy Donovan is the only woman who consistently appears on terrestrial TV as a comic performer.

Sadly, Daisy is also the unfunniest comedic female performer on TV. It’s a double-edged sword for Daisy.

Daisy’s trick is to do what Louis Theroux does when he interviews people in left of centre businesses and lifestyles. And that’s it.

But whereas Louis seems to actually engage the people he talks to, Daisy just sniggers at them.

All the audience has to believe is that Daisy is superior in every way to everyone she meets. To facilitate this flight of fancy, she goes to America.

Tonight we just get to cringe as Daisy does amateur night at New York’s Apollo theatre. We are meant to laugh at the poor saps who parade themselves in the misguided belief that they are talented.

It’s the night when the biggest loser wins. Daisy enters stage right. And, you guessed it, she wins hands down.’

Posted: 13th, November 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Facing The Music

‘WHAT on earth was Amanda Holden, the former Mrs Les Dennis, doing hosting the National Music Awards? Really! We could have understood it had her ex-spouse got the gig, but what connection has Amanda got to the music industry?

‘What about my bum?’

Having said that, what connection have most of the winners got to the music industry with the awards being dominated by pre-packaged stars like Gareth Gates, Will Young and Rachel Stevens?

Needless to say, Kylie won an award for having the best bum or something, The Cheeky Girls won one for singing a song about bums and Shirley Bassey and her bum picked up a lifetime achievement award.

We know all this because the award ceremony took place more than two weeks ago, but it has taken that long to condense all the fun into just two hours of television.

On a more serious note, we recommend you watch with the volume turned down.’

Posted: 12th, November 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Curb Your Enthusiasm

‘INSTEAD of employing Suzi Perry to talk to us as if we were simpletons (as if!), or dressing Alan Titchmarsh up as a monkey in a tree, the BBC should foster interest in its satellite output by showing us clips of BBC4’s Curb Your Enthusiasm.

‘Who are you calling Larry David?’

The show, shorthanded to Curb in the circles that know, centres on the life of Larry David. Too few of you will know who Larry David is because a) you do not have satellite TV and b) the programme planners chose to show Seinfeld, the comedy he co-wrote, around midnight.

Seinfeld was the funniest thing on TV for an age. Famously about nothing, it made episodes around such things as the top of muffins, a woman with man’s hands and George Costanza’s myriads jobs.

And George is key to your understanding of Larry David’s Curb. For all purposes George is Larry. The physical similarities of the two are too close to be accidental – and what a horrible accident.

Each half-hour episode of Curb features verité-style footage of David confronting what is a banal and empty life.

Tonight, Larry attempts to woo his neighbour, an incompetent lawyer but a big Seinfeld fan, by arranging to have Julia Louis-Dreyfuss (Seinfeld’s Elaine) come for a visit.

It’s all going fine – until life takes hold…’

Posted: 11th, November 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Suspect Television

‘THERE was a time when British TV wasn’t dominated by reality shows, quiz shows and home improvement shows. Yes, we know it sounds incredible, but there was.

‘Wake up, Maggie, Rachel, Penny, whatever your name is. Get your things and clear off’

There was a time when programmes like Prime Suspect and Cracker were the norm rather than the exception, but who wants to make decent drama when you can pay a sacked Blue Peter presenter to question a few minor celebrities every night, as FIVE does with its new offering 19 Keys?

Luckily, as those of you who saw last night’s first part will know, over on ITV Helen Mirren is back after a seven-year break as Jane Tennyson in Prime Suspect VI and there is not a buzzer, hidden camera or bit of MDF in sight.

In this concluding part, Tennyson makes a breakthrough on the case when she travels to Bosnia, but – needless to say – all is not well when she returns to England.

Would that there were a few more programmes like this on TV and a few less like Rod’s Girls, described as “an affectionate look at rock star Rod Stewart’s legendary love life”.

If you want to see a procession of good-looking blondes, go and stand in a bus queue in Sweden…’

Posted: 10th, November 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Maison Des Horreurs

‘THERE are now so many television shows dedicated to telling Britons what to expect when they leave these shores that you’d be excused for smelling a rat.

One-way traffic

Has a deal been agreed between the Blair and French governments which says how for every ten asylum seekers who land on our beaches, we send to France 20 middle-class couples who dream of owning vineyards and guest houses in the Dordogne?

Tonight FIVE has just such a show at 8:30 (Dream Holiday Home). But anyone watching that will miss All About Me, which airs at the same time on BBC1.

So, FIVE’s mission to emigrate vast swathes of middle England it is. But only after you’ve seen House of Horrors on ITV.

Jonathan Matiland – think Esther Rantzen without the teeth – sets to catch out rogue traders.

In truth, it pretty much epitomises a modern TV show. We get to see inside people’s houses and laugh at them and the workmen they fork out cash to employ.

But it could be better. And we suggest Maison Des Horreurs, in which the entire thing is shot not in Dudley but the Dordogne. Ah, the genius of simplicity.’

Posted: 7th, November 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Queen’s Lost Uncle

‘IF you thought Royal scandal was the preserve of the Queen’s children and their various partners, you’d be very wrong. Even Princess Margaret didn’t set the benchmark for dissolution among the Windsors.

‘I could tell you a few things about him – for the right money, of course’

Tonight, Channel 4 introduces us to Prince George, the Queen’s uncle and brother to King George VI (who was actually called David) and King Edward VIII, he of the American wife and Nazi sympathies.

Anyway, George was the kind of figure tabloid newspapers die for – a bisexual playboy with a morphine habit who was the sometime lover of Noel Coward.

If you wonder why you haven’t heard of George, it’s because he died in a mysterious plane crash in 1942. Sounds familiar? Let’s see if anyone remembers Diana Spencer in 60 years time…

The Queen’s Lost Uncle is on Channel 4 at 9pm.’

Posted: 6th, November 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Remember, Remember

‘NO sooner has the little blighter next door chucked eggs and flour over your front door on Hallowe’en, then he’s sticking a lit firework through your letterbox.

Jeffrey Archer wishes he hadn’t agreed to by the guy at his local bonfire party

Tonight is Bonfire Night. You’d do well to remember that, and a few other things besides.

A) Remember all to be in the garden whatever the temperature to watch the fantastic display.

B) Remember to eat roast potatoes so hot that they inflict third degree burns to your hands and cause the roof of your mouth actually to catch light.

C) Remember to stand well back – thus doing as the person with their head over the firework they’ve just lit has commanded.

D) Remember to throw your mug of revolting hot punch over the designated firework lighter as their beard burns in the moonlight.

E) Remember to wonder why you didn’t just go to an organised firework display at the recreation ground.

F) Remember to forget Bonfire Night next year.

G) Throw a small man on the fire.’

Posted: 5th, November 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Body Shop

‘IT has been David Beckham’s injured hamstring that has been occupying the minds of Real Madrid supporters recently, although the England captain did return to the side at the weekend to help them to a 3-0 victory over Atletico Bilbao.

Space for rent

But tonight ITV1 viewers are preoccupied with all of Beckham’s Body Parts as the channel tries a new angle to justify devoting another hour of prime time TV to the country’s most famous sportsman.

Thus we are treated to lengthy disquisitions on his various hairstyles, his tattoos and even the metatarsal that he famously broke before last year’s World Cup.

Exactly what the programme achieves – apart from fulfilling its own central theme, namely that every part of Beckham’s body has its own commercial appeal – is not clear. But then Beckham is now so famous that his fame has become self-reinforcing.

Anyone hoping that all of Beckham’s Body Parts will be making an appearance tonight is going to be disappointed. There is at least one member that does not have its own endorsement – yet.’

Posted: 4th, November 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Clever Trevor

‘WHO needs reality television when you have the news?

‘Is ‘Dirty’ Den Watts the new Saddam Hussein?’

Tonight, Trevor McDonald, the poster boy of reality news, goes to Iraq in Sir Trevor Goes Back to Baghdad (ITV 8pm).

So nice of ITV to give McDonald his full billing. That Sir really adds a touch of class and gravitas to Trevor and his shows.

Whether presenting most Fanciable Dog in Soap at the National Television Awards or looking at the charred remains of bits of Baghdad, Trevor appears so very worthy of our trust.

And therein lies the key with Trevor – the TV viewing public trust him.

When Trevor last went to Iraq, he refused to report on the claim that Saddam Hussein could kill us all within 45 minutes.

His stance didn’t result in his sacking, but it did position him at odds with his editors and Government doctrine.

Now proved right, Trevor is back in the sand to see what things are like for British soldiers and Iraqi citizens today.

Or he was until the schedules were changed and ITV chose to screen Trevor in conversation with Frank Bruno instead.

“So, Frank, how many rounds are there in 45 minutes…?”’

Posted: 3rd, November 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


House Of Horrors

‘HOUSE OF Horrors sounds like just the sort of thing for Halloween TV (for the few of you who are not out chucking eggs and flour over your neighbours).

Messers Bodgit and Leggit at work

But – surprise, surprise – this is no blood-curdling, spine-tingling drama like Theatre Of Blood but another bloody DIY programme. Yawn, yawn.

This is a little better than usual in that it actually a hidden camera show exposing just what the plumber, builder, electrician etc. get up to (for their two grand an hour) when they think no-one’s looking.

The results as you might imagine are truly frightening, but what is less clear is what we are supposed to do about it. We could set up a CCTV camera in our homes to monitor their work, but we’d probably have to get a sparky in to do that.

And – sharp intake of breath through teeth – that isn’t as easy a job as it looks.’

Posted: 31st, October 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Saving Chris Ryan

‘REMEMBER that bit in the movie Top Gun when you weren’t sure if you were watching another training run by Maverick and Goose or an actual bona fide dogfight?

Bravo Minus Two Zero

Tonight Chris Ryan creates a similar scenario when he is hunted on BBC1 at 9pm.

The former SAS man, and author of The One That Got Away, has been given a mission to seek and destroy a spy satellite that’s fallen into the Artic Circle.

It’s not just the ice and snow that are vying to stop Ryan from reaching his goal but four special–operations types in a “hunter force”.

Whereas TV’s survivalist Ray Mears just tells us how to endure the wilds, Ryan wants us to wrestle it, interrogate it and, if his superiors command it, administer a swift yet fatal blow to its goolies.

This race is taken so seriously by Ryan and his forceful challengers that you start to wonder if what you are watching is real.

If it is, Ryan should run for his life. If it isn’t, remind us not to play even a game of snap with these win-at-all-costs lunatics.’

Posted: 30th, October 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Open Goal

‘SOME writers are blessed with luck and, when Kay Mellor sat down to write a one-off drama about a football star accused of rape, she could hardly have thought it would be broadcast at a more appropriate time.

What’s good for Claire Goose…

With a number of Premiership footballers being interviewed by police over alleged sexual assaults in recent weeks, notices about tonight’s programme Gifted (ITV1, 9pm) have to stress that the show is indeed fiction.

The story involves two students who head into town to celebrate the end of their exams and end up partying in a nightclub with a group of footballers.

Before long, one of the girls (Sharon, played by Christine Tremarco) is claiming that she has been drugged and raped by the team’s star player, while her friend (Maxine, played by Claire Goose) doesn’t know whether or not to believe her.

Kenny Doughty stars as the footballer in question in a programme that should at least alert footballers and football groupies to what can happen if an evening goes wrong.’

Posted: 29th, October 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Bob’s Your Uncle

‘WE have a problem with people called Jon. Call us traditionalist, but the spelling is ‘John’. We commend your attention to the ‘h’. Even in its silence, you know it’s there, reassuringly normal and unadventurous.

‘No money, no cry’

Things are much the same with Ric. Yeah, Ric! Not Rick, or even Rik.

Both Ric and Jon appear in tonight’s episode of Holby City. Doubtless, these keen-to-be-modern takes on old and trusty names are intended to give the show some edginess. They do not.

Names provide links to the past and rarely, if ever, point to the future – although Wayne comes close.

Which is how it works with the Marley clan, the many people who share the surname of the man who brought Reggae to the Western masses.

Bob Marley is lionised pretty much everywhere as having been something of a legend. One respected critic did point out that Marley’s reggae is “reggae for Germans”, an opinion that was not, we suggest, intended to flatter Marley or Germans.

But to the name, the one Marley shared with his widow Rita, their four children and the seven little Marleys he had by other women.

Tonight BBC2 broadcasts Can’t Take It With You (10pm), which shows how the Marley millions were split between the Marley multitude.

It’s all complicated stuff, made none the less so by daddy Marley’s decision not to write a will before his death from cancer. The claims on his wealth are manifold.

And then the Wailers’ bassist Aston “Family Man“ Barrett comes on screen to say how he wants his cut, which should go some way to feeding his 39 children – none of which are believed to be called Jon, Ric, Billie, Sighman…’

Posted: 28th, October 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Single Minded

‘ANYONE would think that Kym Marsh, one-time member of Hear’Say and sometime wife to former EastEnder Jack Ryder, had a single out, judging by her recent appearances on TV.

Marsh – the one without the big cleavage

Having turned up on the Frank Skinner Show at the weekend with new best friend Myleene Klass, tonight she is a guest on the long-running BBC2 show Never Mind The Buzzcocks.

Myleene, you might remember, was the one in Hear’Say who used to show off her cleavage a lot. Sadly, Myleene has now lost a lot of weight and, her cleavage having suffered as a result, she has had to swap pop music for the classical version.

Kym, however, never had much of a cleavage to start with and so continues her bid for pop stardom. A return to hosting Ann Summers parties awaits.

Other guests on tonight’s show are Casualty’s Kwame Kwei-Amah, Gary Wilmot and Simon Anstell. Kym Marsh’s new single, Sentimental, is released today.’

Posted: 27th, October 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Fright Night

‘BY rights last night’s Parkinson interview with Meg Ryan should have been included in Channel 4’s 100 Greatest Scary Moments – there is nothing worse for an interviewer than an unresponsive interviewee.

Be afraid, be very afraid!

However, it must be said that Parky (who is normally such a good questioner) did seem to go out of his way to alienate Ms Ryan by wilfully misunderstanding what she was saying and, finally, being just plain rude.

Whoever’s fault it was, the interview came too late to make the Top 100, the first half of which were broadcast last night and the second half of which will be shown tonight.

So far, it has been quite an interesting mix of clips with a public service film about drowning in quarry pools being broadcast next to Invasion Of The Body Snatchers, the title sequence from Doctor Who and Fatal Attraction.

What will come top we don’t know, but our money is on a long-forgotten clip of Eamonn Holmes and Lisa Riley mud-wrestling. Ugh!’

Posted: 26th, October 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Wheels On Fire

‘TELEVISION loves broadcasting annual general meetings, those yearly events when the film industry gives its Oscars, music its Grammys and stuntmen set each other on fire and give each other punches in the head.

‘Can you smell burning?’

The third World Stunt Awards (Sky One, 9pm) is hosted by Dennis Hopper and sees awards presented by the likes of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Carrie-Anne Moss.

Prizes are given for nine categories of endeavour, including best fire stunt, best work with a vehicle and best fight.

And we should applaud these people who set themselves alight for our entertainment, because very soon – what with the advent of computer technology – they’ll all be unemployed or earning their crust as human canon balls.

For those who do not have satellite television, and are thus deprived of such cutting-edge stuff, at the same hour BBC1 is showing Absolutely Fabulous.

Tonight, Eddy contemplates becoming a grandmother – and struggles to understand why daughter Saffy is looking larger than usual.

Before falling thirty stories into a skip full of cardboard boxes.’

Posted: 24th, October 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hunting Victoria

‘NEXT Monday, there is a programme on BBC1 called Looking For Victoria, in which Prunella Scales takes the role of our longest-reigning and determinedly unamused monarch opposite her real-life husband Timothy West.

‘We’ll count to 10 and then come after you’

We only mention this because tonight there is a programme called Hunting Chris Ryan, in which the former SAS man has to carry out set tasks in some of the world’s most inhospitable places while being chased by a team of four Special Forces soldiers.

As the two programmes are on the same channel and at the same time (9pm), we wondered whether they were in fact related.

While Chris Ryan is trying to retrieve a cache of communications equipment from the jungle in Honduras, is Prunella Scales as Queen Victoria battling through the wilds of Siberia, trying to stay one step ahead of a team of pursuing Cossacks?

All we can say is that we hope so. And if not, isn’t it time the BBC started thinking a bit more laterally about its programming to try to bring history to life. Come on, guys – push the envelope and all that jazz.’

Posted: 23rd, October 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Oil Be Damned

‘DISAPPOINTMENT comes in many forms. But finding out the Dallas which Channel 4 are showing today at 1pm is not the Ewing family saga but a movie from 1950 is right up their with the best of them.

‘Who called John Ross a delinquent?’

The film is not all that bad, and, in truth, anyone watching movies at this hour of the day is pumped up on enough prescription drugs to probably find Des and Mel on ITV entertaining (also at 1pm).

Those poor souls who are too infirm to know what they doing or in traction from a nasty fall at work will most likely still be staring at the magic box at 10:35 when BBC1 continues it’s One Life series with the Diary Of A Delinquent.

For the past ten years director Mags Gavan has spent some of her time filming the life of Cardiff local Bianca. The stalking-style documentary began when Bianca was just 12 years old, and newly released from a secure unit.

What follows is much traumatic stuff, of the kind that genuinely depresses even the most glad-hearted types.

Whether you actually like watching what is a downbeat and glum life is a matter of taste. At least for the bed-bound, there are the drugs to perk them up.’

Posted: 22nd, October 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Men In Tights

‘FOLLOWING on from our observation on TV’s latest ruse – making identical programmes but calling them by different names – tonight we present an episode of Faking It, in which eight shipyard workers get to train with the English National Ballet.

‘Anyone want to swap?’

Except it is not called Faking It because that was a Channel 4 programme – it is called Men In Tights and is on ITV tonight at 9.45. Billy Elliot, eat your heart out.

If you’re a fan of these Trading Places programmes, then tonight is a bumper night with Wife Swap on Channel 4 at 9pm.

Tonight sees Victorian mum Judith swap her clean and efficient household in Leyland for the Stevenage home of Belinda, a woman who doesn’t believe in disciplining her children, letting them eat what they want and go to bed when they want.

Needless to say, the experiment ends in tears with Judith unable to cope with Belinda’s children, Judith’s husband unable to cope with Belinda and the viewers unable to cope with any of the above.

Wife-swapping was never less fun.’

Posted: 21st, October 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Blaine Drain

‘COULD you go for 44 day without food? Of course it depends on how fat you are to start with, what the reserves are like. But could you?

How many meals a day?

Until yesterday David Blaine was trying to see if he could. Or make that, he’d been trying to see if we believe he could.

Blaine is an illusionist, and when one of that type tells you he’s going to sit in a box for 44 days and not eat you should scratch your chin and invoke the memory of Jimmy Hill.

Tonight at 9pm Channel 4 will broadcast Blaine’s re-emergence into decent society, albeit one peopled with eggs throwers, chest flashers and those who tried to poison his water supply.

And we at home will wonder what we have learned from this experience.

Never ones to applaud the hooligan element, it is though undeniable that there has been something heartening in watching and reading about the British reaction to a self-aggrandising show off.

Ladies and gentlemen have your rotten eggs and tomatoes at the ready, the ego has landed.’

Posted: 20th, October 2003 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1) | Comments RSS feed:RSS 2.0