Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
IN 1989, the City of Calgary, Canada, promoted the place with a song. It featured the joyous lyrics:
There’a feeling in the air that you can’t get anywhere expect….
Makes no difference where I go, you’re the best hometown I know.
Other Canadian cities realised they needed a theme song.
ONE of the funnest, daftest and most bizarre rock bands on the planet, are GWAR. A cavalcade of ogre faces, missing limbs, pantomime villainy, showers of blood and all manner of hilariously gruesome content, they were a b-movie writ large, parading around festivals and gigs, mixing schlock horror with stadium-sized metal.
They were so unreal, you’d thought they’d live forever.
However, sadly, frontman and founder of the satirical heavy metal outfit, Dave Brockie, was found dead yesterday in his Richmond, Va., home.
KATE Bush is touring again.
Why did she ever stop?
IN 1955, Teaserama featured American stars of burlesque working the stage.
WHEN fashion designer L’Wren Scott was found dead in New York, her boyfriend Mick Jagger was in Australia, on tour with the Rolling Stones.
The papers have noticed that Jagger is not on twitter and does not subscribe to the iVulture dead celebrity news wire. So. It was left to someone else to tell him the grim news. And for the tabloids to gawp at the man and slap his face over their front pages:
HERE’S a challenge for the intrepid researcher: Go to Google and search for five or so reviews of the Veronica Mars (2014) movie from the mainstream press that don’t include the following term: “fan service.”
For the uninitiated in such things, fan service is a descriptor widely understood to mean the act of “giving the fans exactly what they want,” and for some reason, it is being applied to Veronica Mars on a remarkably consistent, nay universal basis.
IT’S actually amazing when you stop and think about it. A counter-culture movement originating in homosexual night clubs somehow wound up overtaking every nook and cranny of the pop culture landscape. From Hollywood to the fashion industry to ridiculous albums like the one pictured above – nothing was safe from the marauding cash cow called Disco.
So, why did it die a horrible death in the early 1980s?
There were plenty factors at work, such as a very real homophobic backlash. But that is an issue best reserved for a more serious discussion. Instead, let’s focus on 7 other primary suspects all wanted for “discocide”.
Pat Robertson’s Fever Dream: Four Times When Horror Movies Met The Devil’s Own Rock-and-Roll Music In The 1980s
JUST last week, the 700 Club’s Pat Robertson spoke out about the hidden scourge of our modern society: those demons from Hell who like to crash your car.
Yes, it turns out that devils can cause really horrible road accidents because — by merely watching horror movies — you have “granted them permission” to do so.
You know who you are…
Gene Simmons Thinks Hip Hop, Non-Guitarists And Karaoke Kiss Should Be Banished From The Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame
YOU may remember Gene Simmons as the frontman of Kiss and a deeply upsetting sex tape. Mainly though, you’ll think of him as an opinionated gobshite who looks weird when he’s not in his makeup.
Well, Gene’s at it again, saying that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is “diluting” itself with hip-hop, pop and disco artists.
Now, Kiss are joining the Hall next month, and Simmons blasted “back room politics” for the inclusion of bands like Run DMC and Donna Summer.
YOU would think porn was all about happy endings. But you’d be wrong. We’re talking not about the crushing sense of worthlessness after you’ve spent the day searching online for just the right image or scene. We’re talking about the film School Girl Internal, starring Mario Cassini and Brooke Whispers.
The closing scene ends like this:
It reads like a Public Awareness Announcement to teenaged women.
Maybe it’s not awful. Maybe it’s thoughtful…
WATCHING the Oscars and other such events lately, it’s becoming disturbingly common to spot actresses, now in their sixties, desperately hanging onto their youth. It seems overnight, all my favourite actresses from the 1970s and 80s have gone under the knife in a vain attempt at retaining their former sex appeal. It’s something we haven’t witnessed before – actresses from earlier days didn’t have plastic surgery at their disposal, and the intense need to “stay sexy” wasn’t perhaps as strong. Thus, the previous generation of starlets appeared to age much more gracefully than the ageing actresses of today. Here’s a few comparisons….
Here is Myrna Loy and Goldie Hawn, both age 26. They’re much alike in that they epitomized the sex symbol look of their time. However, as the years wore on, they showed their age very differently….
Here they are again, both approximately the same age: Myrna age 69 and Goldie age 68. Myrna looks like an elderly woman (which you officially are at age 69); whereas, Goldie looks like someone desperately clinging to a youth long gone. Seeing the aged Myrna and Goldie side-by-side is truly shocking. One woman accepts the fact that no one can escape the passage of time, and the other is in complete denial.
Katharine Hepburn age 32 and Cher age 20. Both actresses were stunning in their younger days, and Cher was able to reap the rewards of a seemingly ageless figure in the decades to come. However, you can only hold onto your sexy appeal for so long.
Here are Hepburn and Cher both aged 67. Hepburn has gracefully accepted the passage of time, wearing pants and putting her hair in a bun. But this doesn’t mean she had to act old; indeed, Hepburn was a vibrant as ever in 1973. The difference is that Hepburn is no longer trying to look sexy; whereas, Cher is still sporting the micro-miniskirt. Plus, Cher has had her wrinkles surgically wiped away.
Here is Hepburn age 68 and Cher age 67. Hepburn wasn’t afraid to play roles befitting her age – this picture is from Rooster Cogburn, where she wisely makes no attempt to cling to her former youthful allure. Instead, she bangs out a terrific performance alongside The Duke, wrinkles be damned. Her age may be showing, but it by no means subtracts from her onscreen charisma.
In stark contrast, Cher still plays to crowds wearing outfits borrowed from Brittney Spears’ 1998 wardrobe.
Lauren Bacall and Meg Ryan both age 55. Bacall still retained her confident panache, but thankfully retired the attempt at sex appeal. Meg Ryan, on the other hand, still wears the same haircut she wore in Sleepless in Seattle. Even worse, in her futile quest for eternal youth, she has turned her face into an unnatural mask.
Ava Gardner age 29 with her man, Sinatra, and Melanie Griffith, age 31, with her guy, Don Johnson. It’s probably unfair to compare Ava to Melanie, but both were knockouts. Yet, only one opted to age gracefully. Can you guess which?
Ava age 52 and Melanie age 55.
Melanie’s plastic surgery disasters have been much in the tabloids. As awful as they were, it’s wrong to keep pointing fingers and mocking. Instead, maybe someone should ask why these aging actresses feel the need to go under the knife time and again. There’s obviously something wrong here.
We shouldn’t give old Hollywood a pass either. Many of these old Hollywood actresses didn’t age gracefully – once their youthful sex appeal was gone, many couldn’t find work and receded into obscurity. Take for instance, Kim Novak, popular during the 50s and early 60s. She shocked many at the Oscars with her new “look”.
In the images above, Novak is 33 on the left and 81 on the right. EIGHTY-ONE-FREAKING YEARS OLD! Hollywood prides itself as being a liberal bastion, but there’s obviously a very old code still in effect that hasn’t aged one bit.
IN the 1960s, Glenn Stewart was a mod. There Is More filmed Glenn over six hours as he recalled him time as a suited and booted, Vespa driving mod.
It’s a lovely short film about one of Britain’s fashion tribes:
SNOOPY is back. The best cartoon do of them all is to star in a new Peanuts movie, coming to a screen near you on November 6, 2015.
That’s the good news?
Do you flinch a little when you learn that it’s produced by Charles Schulz’s son Craig Schulz and the screenplay has been co-written by his son Bryan Schulz?
There’s a young man who has been sexually abused in his childhood and he grew up with a whole load of issues that turn into behaviour that veers from worrying to destructive to shocking. There’s a young abused man, just into his twenties who has made dreadful mistakes, including the battering of his ex-girlfriend. He’s had temper tantrums and lives in a country that treats him like a thug and treats him and his black friends differently to white people.
Add to all that, the small matter that this kid is Chris Brown who just so happens to be fantastically famous and, furthermore, ganged up on by the whole of media like some monster to be hunted down and mercilessly mocked forever and ever and ever.
IN the mid 1980s, Apple Computers sent one of their devices to the San Francisco Examiner. The paper’s editors passed the Mac to Thompson. With this amazing new Mac, the tardy Thompson would never miss a deadline.
The story goes that the Mac lost out to Thompson’s electronics-triggered temper. Thompson killed the Mac with a shotgun.
IN “Courtney Love Thinks She May Have Found Missing Malaysian Plane - Hole frontwoman posts theory on Flight 370″ Rolling Stone adds a celebrity element to the hunt for the missing jet.
Jason Newman is on the social media news beat:
As the world continues to be puzzled and enthralled by the location and disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, Courtney Love has weighed in with her theory of what happened to the plane that went missing on March 8th.
THE BBC have been doing a lot of reminiscing of late. They set up BBC Four and filled it with old episodes of Top of the Pops and documentaries about the kind of music 40 year old middle class white men like.
It’s been blues this, Beatles that; classic soul this, Danny Baker talking about his record collection that. It is all perfectly lovely and often worth celebrating.
However, get the feeling there’s a whitewash going on?
The BBC give blanket coverage of Glastonbury and white rock music throughout the year. When it comes to black music, they apply the classic rule of ‘Black music is only credible if it is 20 years old, or more.’
With that, the only black music you’ll get on the BBC is stuff about disco, rhythm & blues, 60s soul music, jazz and at a push, maybe a fleeting nod to some of the hip hop released in the late 80s. Again, this is not some shrieking liberal complaint, but it certainly feels like the BBC are more likely to do a show about The Mighty Wah rather than The Wu Tang Clan. And while it is fine to like and celebrate both, you have to concede that the boys from Staten Island are infinitely more influential than Pete Wylie & Co.
L’Wren Scott – photos of the woman who looked like she had it all:
BREAKING. Fashion designer L’Wren Scott has been found dead after hanging herself in her New York apartment this morning. L’Wren has been known, of late, as being the girlfriend of Mick Jagger. A spokesman for the Rolling Stones singer said he was: “completely shocked and devastated” at the news.
The designer was reportedly found by her assistant. There’s no suspicion of foul play, although newsrooms await the Medical Examiner’s report.
L’Wren Scott first made her name in the fashion industry as a stylist, before she went solo, releasing her eponymous line which was favoured by celebrities the world over, with fans including Michelle Obama and Nicole Kidman. In 2013, Scott collaborated with Banana Republic, appearing advertisements alongside the models.
SO. There was the Happy Monday’s dancer Mark ‘Bez’ Berry kicking off his campaign to run for Parliament by joining the Barton Moss anti-fracking site, Manchester.
Bez, famous for winning Celebrity Big Brother, playing the maracas whilst white-and-not-drunk-in-a-Spanish-pub and being the subject of the line ”Everyone thinks Bez has about two pounds of coke up his nose all the time and he’s on about eight E’s”, aims to “stir things up” in the Commons. His manifesto is concise:
“If you want to do something about things you’ve got to get into the corridors of power and take them on. If you’re voting for me, you’re voting as a protest about what’s happening in the world at the moment.”
It all seems impossible until you realise that the politician in Bez’s sights is the Labour MP Hazel Blears, a woman whose twin political ambitions are to be more irritating than Harriet Harman and to make Ed Balls look self-conscious. She’s half-way there.
Bez might just win…
THE treatment of Miley Cyrus by the public at large has been a problematic one. Basically, thanks to growing up in front of everyone – which includes making mistakes, changing the way she does things, finding her sexuality and all that fun stuff – she’s been branded an idiot, like she was supposed to know what she was doing.
She’s 21 years old.
Among all this, a rather formidable woman has emerged, not afraid to take chances and speak her mind. At a show in Dallas, she stuck up for fans against her own security.
Cyrus hit out at security because they’d got mad at a fan for taking a picture of her during a gig on Wednesday.The video footage shows Miley forgetting about singing, instead, having a pop at some jobsworths.