MICHELLE Shocked told the fans at San Francisco club Yoshi:
”You can go on Twitter and say ‘Michelle Shocked says God hates fags.’”
THE BBC has censored Elvis Costello’s lyrics to Oliver’s Army. The word “nigger” has been erased. The media is up arms. How very dare the BBC mess about with the music:
The Daily Telegraph:
BBC 6 Music criticised for not understanding the meaning of Elvis Costello’s Oliver’s Army after removing a line featuring the word ‘n—-r’.
RIP Harry Reems, the accidental porn star. (Although nominative determinism might have played a part. (He was born Herbert Streicher)) Reems starred in the 1973 skin flick Deep Throat, the film that made a star of Linda Lovelace (she acted as if her clitoris was located in her throat). He was 65.
Reems’ friend Don Schenk writes
Harry, whose given name was Herbert Streicher, was thrust into infamy in 1972 when he stared in “Deep Throat,” the first adult film made for wide screen, but because he was a union actor with a Screen Actors Guild card, the film’s producers had to create a new name for him.
The funny thing is Harry was not even supposed to be in the film. He was hired to handle the lighting. Writer/Director Gerard Damiano ran into a casting issue when the fellow hired to play the lead part didn’t show up. Harry was thrust into the job, for which he was paid only $250.
BILL Roache is not Ken Barlow, Coronation Street’s randy, pompous, educated bore. That’s just the job God picked out for him. Roache is in the public eye because he told New Zealand’s One News his views on child sex crimes.
Before that he was on This Morning to try and reach out to with his pet Jack Russell dogs, Poppy and Harry, “via animal psychic Jackie Weaver”. He once walked with the Druids (see photo above). One News knew they were stood on fertile ground when the posed the questions.
FLASHBACK to 1975: Keith Richards Wearing a T-shirt asking “Who The F*** Is Mick Jagger?” during the Rolling Stones’ Tour of the Americas.
FIFTY Shades of Grey completely took over the world, giving people the chance to indulge themselves in the darker side of Mills and Boon and revel in some of the most clunky euphemisms for the vagina ever committed to a page. All good fun and a rather sweet way of getting your rocks off, compared to brutal 3 minute internet clips of tattooed LA starlets getting ravaged by men hung like wheelie-bins.
A film adaptation of EL James’ ‘Fifty Shades’ was inevitable and 99% of the world’s press rubbed their thighs with mucky fever, talking openly about which famous actress they’d most like to see getting spanked on the silver screen.
THIS is how you get the girls using the Nicholas Cage Method:
WHILE Justin Bieber goes into brattish meltdown mode, saying to everyone that it isn’t fair that people are nasty to him (despite the fact that, while trying to take the moral highground after nearly punching a photographer AND slagging Lindsay Lohan off in an Instagram post), his pop pal Carly Rae Jepsen is faring much better.
After hitting the airwaves with the insanely great ‘Call Me Maybe’, she went on tour with Bieber and became a fully fledged popstar.
RIP Norman Collier. You died in Hull. You were 87. You had stop-start career in comedy. And that was the way you wanted it. Your fans are - as they must be – broken up. It was a great act:
CRAZY ol’ Dennis Rodman has been a busy boy lately. First off, he visited North Korea and gave Kim Jong Un a hug, before The Glorious Leader flew into the sky completing a series of 147s in the clouds while farting orchids. Dennis Rodman stood by with garish clothing and a load of tattoos as usual.
And now, the NBA legend has the Catholic church in his sights, intending to ride around Italy in the Popemobile while campaigning for a black Pope. Rodman wants Cardinal Peter Turkson to be elected and, while he’s there, he’ll team up with A Notable Bookmaker Who Won’t Be Getting A Free Advert Here to extol the virtue of papal betting.
IAN Berriman has reviewed The Life And Scandalous Times Of John Nathan-Turner. He died in 2002. In life, he was notable as the producer of the hit BBC TV show Doctor Who (1980-89). Given the revelations about BBC stalwart Jimmy Savile and other allegations levelled against other former BBC employees, the book’s publication is sure to be of interest to the elite in Broadcasting House.
Chapter Eight is entitled “Hanky Panky”. Author Richard Marson asks: “Was John Nathan-Turner a paedophile?”
NINETIES hip-hop is having a huge renaissance currently, mainly because it lends faux-credibility to horribly middle-class people, much like rock ‘n’ roll did in the ’70s. With that, comes a lot of opportunities for weird cash-ins. Tupac appeared as a hologram with Snoop and Dre on-stage and now, Notorious B.I.G. is to appear on our televisions as a cartoon ghost, like he’s Casper with an AK.
Biggie’s kids, CJ and T’yanna Wallace, have announced the plans, saying:
“It’s been 16 years since our dad was murdered and we miss him dearly.”
“This project is a great opportunity for us to bridge the gap between our parents, who loved his music, and the kids and young adults our ages, that were not around to really appreciate it.”
AN internet meme is based on a single photo. If that picture is of you, and you’re deemed to look like a douche, a good guy or a nutjob, then it’s hard cheese. Your internet persona is now set. Bad Luck Brian might win the lottery. But he’s till Bad Luck Brian. Success Kid has yet to sit any meaningful exams. Does everyone love Good Guy Greg? Is there no-one who has bad word to say about him? It’s a little known fact that Scumbag Steve has donated a kidney to Nelson Mandela, saved a bag of kittens from a canal and is working on a cure for cancer.
Here are the meme heroes in real life:. Featuring: Bad Luck Brian, Success Kid, Really High Guy, Hipster Barista, Sudden Clarity Clarence, Good Guy Greg, First World Problems, Overly Attached Girlfriend, Sheltering Suburban Mom and Scumbag Steve.
AT Madame Tussauds, Harry Styles and the One Direction gang are getting ready to be turned into wax figures. Turn the central heating up to 11:
Harry gets measured for Justin Bieber’s baseball cap.
The famous singer is on the left
At the Rolling Stones salon
What would Mengele say?
KIM KARDASHIAN’S face is retaining blood. Life & Style reports that she’s been having a Vampire Facelift:
“It was crazy,” a pal of Kim’s tells Life & Style about her vampire lift, which was done in Miami. “The doctor took the blood from Kim’s arm and spun it [in a centrifuge] to separate the platelets. The blood was then rubbed onto Kim’s face. After that, they did something called ‘needling,’ where all these little needles prick the skin and let the platelets seep in. It was so gross!”
JENNIFER Love Hewitt is talking to USA Today about her precious 36C bosoms:
“I need, like, an insurance invitation. If somebody was like, ‘Hey, you know what? We would like to insure your boobs for $2.5 million dollars,’ I’d be like, ‘Do it. Love it! Why not? These things right here are worth $5 million!”
JAMES Franco and his Oz doll are on the Walk of Fame, reading books and being at large. Franco is the likeable weed dealer in Pineapple Expres, Sean Penn’s lover in Milk, himself playing others in Erased James Franco, ‘Franco’ in General Hospital, and in the stage show Masculinity and Me, reportedly, he peppered his monologues with footage of a urinating penis and a defecating anus.
In one photograph of James and his new pal, the near-catatonic Franco clutches Little Franco like his onetime Oscar co-host Anne Hathaway holds her Oscar. Tightly. Never letting go.
At last they’re having fun. An they’re not creepy, like Karl and his pocket love toy:
WALTZ of the Two Lips (Trombone Silliness) features the lips of Peter Ellefson, Professor at Indiana University. It is, is it not, putting the bone in trombone:
Spotter: Ann Althouse
SO. Farwell, Justin Bieber, You came late; your left earl; you fainted; and you told a paparazzi you’d “f****** beat the f*** out” him. The pap had told Bieber to “get back to America”. He’s Canadian. American might have brought the world, drones, hydrogenated fat and one kind of cheese but do not lay Biber at their door. Do your research.
Thankfully, Bieber’s minders prevented carnage by restraining the singer with a wet paper bag.
LAST week, Alvin Lee of Ten Years After died. He was just 68. On Lee’s website we read:
With great sadness we have to announce that Alvin unexpectedly passed away early this morning after unforseen complications following a routine surgical procedure. We have lost a wonderful much-loved father and companion, the world has lost a truly great and gifted musician. Jasmin, Evi and Suzanne.”
Lee left Ten Years After in 1973. He then recorded 14 solo albums.
Ten Years After were popular in their native UK, but it in 1969, when they wowed Woodstock, that things went big. That was Lee’s defining moment. Not every musician gets one.
Lester Bangs said Lee was a “…crude sonic Model T, who could not only reproduce Chuck Berry licks by the bushel, but play them at 78 rpm as well:
HOLLY Madison, former queue jumper to Hugh Hefner, has named her child Rainbow Aurora Rotella. The Rotella part can be explained by the daddy’s name being Pasquale Rotella. The Rainbow Aurora is competitive name. I see Beyonce’s Ivy Blue and I raise you an entire rainbow.
JUSTIN Bieber’s London shows are making news. Having turned up two hours late on the first night (children left in tears to catch trains home), the pop amoeba with great hair (it’s all about the hair) left the stage mid-song because he was “light of breath”. He then fainted backstage.
Bieber did as he must and took to Twitter: “Thanks for everyone pulling me thru tonight. Best fans in the world. Figuring out what happened. Thanks for the love.”
JUSTIN Bieber is a pull-ups wearing, brattish popstar. But when he rocked up late on stage at London’s 02 he became a cause of lifelong depression. Virginia Blackburn tells Express readers:
WELL thanks for nothing, Justin Bieber, must have been the thought going through thousands of preteen minds as thousands of pre-teen hearts broke quite in two, never to be rendered whole again.