Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
The Sun says One Direction lead hair Harry Styles has a secret. The 21-year-old is “slim enough to fit into shapely women’s jeans”. Who these shapely women are and why they’re lending Styles their jeans is not investigated. But that’s not the big secret, in any case.
Styles puts knobs of butter in his coffee.
He says: “Bullet coffee. It’s black coffee with a spoonful of butter and a spoonful of coconut oil, all mixed up together. I west 26in wait women’s jeans. Boom.”
Anorak remembers in the old days when pop stars were slim on a diet of groupies and drugs. Now they use fat – which in today’s age of food scare stories might be more controversial.
Al Molinaro, the actor who played Al Delvecchio, owner of Arnold’s Drive-In on the hit TV show Happy Days has died. You might know him as Murray from The Odd Couple.
Spotter: The Hollywood Reporter
Keith Richards smells of sandalwood, write Patrick Doyle in Rolling Stone. I was lucky enough to spend some time with Keith Richards in the late 1980s. He was fun, generous and easy going.
Now age 71, Richards lives in Connecticut. He recalls life in New York before the move:
“On the odd occasion there was a [heroin] drought in the Seventies. We’d have to go down the East Side and carry a shooter. Just in case. A year or two after they were born, I said, ‘I can’t bring the kids up on Fourth Street.’ Not when there’s fresh air and some countryside not far away.”
Ah, those halcyon days:
“Cops used to slap you around the ear and send you home. Now they shoot you.”
Nowadays Richards reads:
He has a large library and is currently reading about the early 19th-century sea captain Thomas Cochrane. He told his biographer, James Fox, to read Patrick O’Brian’s Master and Commander, a historical novel set in 1800, to better understand his “friendship and adversity” with Mick Jagger. (“He felt it was something that explained his sadness,” says Fox.) He orders a vodka and tonic. As the waiter walks away, Richards speaks up: “Double ’em!”
At the Lemmchen elementary school in Mainz, Germany, the cool kids are performing Kraftwerk’s Die Roboter.
Not all school concerts need be painful:
We only read Playboy for the articles (which since Hugh ‘Housecoat’ Hefner’s throbbing organ swore off naked women is truer than ever), and we only watch vintage skin flicks for the music. French music producer Drixxxe has made compilation tapes of ‘70s softcore pornographic films. Called Sextape (natch.) you can tune in to them all on Flashbak.
Jamie Oliver wants us to pay a “sugar tax”. The TV chef wants us to pay a tax on sugary drinks and snacks. He says:
“The discussions that I’ve had haven’t implied that that is written off. I think the discussions that have I’ve had are been robust. Mr Cameron is reviewing everything and seems to be interrogating it really well. We need to make sure that he’s brave.”
And then – shudder:
“It’s symbolic of a government that is willing to fight tooth and nail for public health and most importantly for child health. We need to be bold and brave and frankly act like a parent.”
Josef Fritzl? Princess Diana? Osama bin Laden? Jamie Oliver? Which parent is the model?
“Who is running the country? Is it the businesses who are profiting from ill-health of our children or is it us?”
Dunno. But in 2014, we read this:
On Friday 16 May, Mars Food Australia supported 210 school students local to the Wyong plant to cook with celebrity chef Jamie Oliver on Food Revolution Day.
Mars. Makers of the sugar-laden Mars Bar.
And in 2013:
Mars-owned food brand Uncle Ben’s has renewed its product-placement and sponsorship deal with Channel 4 for Jamie Oliver programming.
Thanks to Mars at least Jamie’s not one of the poor who will be hit and saved by his sugar tax.
See more photos of the great artist Frida Kahlo experimenting with the fluidity of gender on Flashbak.
The many faces of David Bowie by Helen Green:
Mark Steyn celebrates his Sinatra Centenary series with a look at the making of a hit song:
It was 1966. Enter Bert Kaempfert “the German kaiser of kitsch”:
He eschewed the standard 32-bar A-A-B-A song, possibly on the grounds that a middle section was way too much work. Instead, his tunes are built on the slightest of melodic themes, endlessly repeated. Yet they are, as the Germans say, Ohrwürmer – or earworms: maddening tunes that insinuate their way into your head and refuse to get out. “L-O-V-E” is the über-Kaempfert, a tune so simple that its lyricist Milt Gabler turned it into a spelling lesson, an “Alphabet Song” for grown-ups:
L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very very extraordinary
E is even more…
So Kaempfert had form. And so Jimmy Bowen listens to Hal Fine’s bunch of Kaempfert themes and something called “Beddy-Bye” comes up. And Bowen plays it again, and again. And then he says, “Man, get me a lyric on that, and I’ll do it with Sinatra.”
“Beddy-Bye” sounds to me like yet another minimalist Kaempfert tune: the five-note title phrase, reprised a tone up and a tone down, is about 50 per cent of the tune. Yet a remarkable number of other people claim to have had a hand in its creation. The last time I mentioned the thing in this space David C Tobin of Washington, DC wrote to say that it was composed by Avo Uvezian, a Beirut-born Armenian-American pianist cum cigar manufacturer. He does indeed claim to have written the music, but so does the late Ivo Robić, the crooning Croat, who insisted that he’d composed it for a folk music festival in Split, Yugoslavia. M Philippe-Gérard, the Brazilian-born French composer of “When The World Was Young”, sued on the grounds that the tune was stolen from his “Magic Tango”, but lost in court.
So until these various Croatian-Armenian claims are as litigated as the Franco-Brazilian ones, we’ll stick with the official narrative. In 1966, Bert Kaempfert wrote this tune for his first Hollywood movie score, for the aforementioned A Man Could Get Killed, directed by Ronald Neame. And all it needed now was a lyric and Jimmy Bowen would make good on his promise and get Kaempfert a recording by Frank Sinatra.
Bowen had never made such a pledge before – for a fairly obvious reason: He was in no position to promise any such thing. “Obviously,” he explained subsequently, “nobody knows what Frank is going to do till he says what he’s going to do.” But he knew that that “Beddy-Bye” theme smelled like a hit, and Hal Fine took him at his word. He farmed the tune out to various writers, and submitted a couple of lyrics. Jimmy Bowen didn’t like either of them.
So Hal Fine tried again, this time with Eddie Snyder and Charles Singleton….
For “Beddy-Bye”, Eddie Snyder took his cue from the film and the James Garner/Melina Mercouri characters: They’re strangers, exchanging glances, and, by the time the tune’s reprised in the final moments, you know that, as the song says, they’re “in love forever”. “We had the scene,” recalled Snyder. “A man is sitting across from a girl in a bar. That was it.” But that was all they needed:
Strangers In The Night
Wond’ring in the night
What were the chances
We’d be sharing love
Before the night was through…
Caitlyn Jenner has been Named ‘Woman Of The Year’ by Glamour magazine. No, not a satire.
Today is the day when Martin McFly, star of the Back to the Future film, arrives when he travels to the future? USA Today shares the joke:
Over on Flashbak, the story of one man’s collection of things found inside record sleeves. Ever hide anything inside yours?
See them all here.
John Waters agrees: we all (as Brendan O’Neill puts it) have a duty to offend:
The big news in the Daily Star is plain to see: “This paper cost just 20p.” Below that news is the other news that David Hasselhoff is “HOFF TO FIGHT ISIS”.
Can the actor who stood atop the crumbling Berlin Wall and with Joshua prowess blew his own trumpet to bring it down also end ISIS?
The Star explains:
The actor, who played lifeguard Mitch Buchannon in the surf rescue show, said he would launch a personal Rambo-style mission to wipe out the terrorist network.
Rambo, played by Sylvester Stallone, would most likely take on ISIS with less fanfare. He’s most likely already there, camouflaged and waiting the foliage of a Mosul pot plant to slaughter the enemy. However, to the Star Rambo is a more of a state of mind than an actual fictional Hollywood character. Hasselhoff you could not make up.
The Hoff, who also starred in 80s classic Knight Rider, said he had developed a personal hatred for the brutal Isis regime.
So. He’s off, rather Hoff, to take on ISIS, hurtling across the deserts at the wheel of his indestructible Kit car, the perfect blend of man and machine: Hasselhoff behind the wheel; Hasselhoff on the stereo,
Asked to name his “priority activity if he was the invisible man for the day”, the star replied he would kill off all the estimated 200,000 Isis fighters. He said: “I’d go to Syria and annihilate everyone involved in Isis.”
Hoff will only fight ISIS when he becomes invisible, which you’d imagine is hard to achieve through an interview with Weekend magazine. Maybe Channel 5 can help?
Ola Jordan, the saucy Strictly Come Dancing strumpet, has a calendar out. In it she appears nude in a series of soft porn-style photos.
Daily Mail readers have their say:
That’s the same Mail which reports:
Unless it’s done in the best possible taste…
Ray Harryhausen stop motion in stop motion:
Ray Harryhausen stop motion in stop motion pic.twitter.com/CyIyHWcll8
— Flashbak.com (@aflashbak) October 17, 2015
Gutterdämmerung looks fantastic. Here’s the pitch:
The film is set in a world where God has saved the world from sin by taking from mankind the Devil’s ‘Grail of Sin’…..the Evil Guitar. The Earth has now turned into a puritan world where there is no room for sex, drugs or rock ‘n’ roll.
From up on high in heaven a “punk-angel”, Vicious (portrayed by Iggy Pop), looks upon the world with weary bored eyes. Behind God’s back, Vicious sends the Devil’s guitar back to earth and sin in all its forms returns to mankind.
An evil puritan priest (Henry Rollins) manipulates a naive girl to retrieve the guitar and destroy it. On her quest to find the Devil’s Grail Of Sin, the girl is forced to face the world’s most evil rock and roll bastards. Throughout her journey, she has a rival in the form of a rock chick determined to stop her from destroying the instrument.
Lou Reed wasn’t everyone’s best pal. A new biography by Howard Sounes labels Reed a racist, a sexist and a wife-beater. Reed was a man “with so little personal charm he would be regularly discharged from private gatherings.
“I loved his music, but you have to go where the story goes. The obituaries were a bit too kind, he was really a very unpleasant man. A monster really; I think truly the word monster is applicable.”
US singer, Chris Brown, who once beat up his then lover Rihanna, wants Australians to overlook his criminal past and let him visit the country. He reached out via Twitter:
“I would be more than grateful to come to Australia, to raise awareness about domestic violence. I’m not the pink elephant in the room any more.”
Surely, he’d raise the issue higher in the serious stakes by staying banned. And as for being a pink beast in Australia, well, the competition to get noticed is stiff:
More news on Cathriona White, who died earlier in what looks a lot like a suicide. Having pretty much ignored the body to focus on the fact that White once dated Hollywood actor Jim Carrey, the Sun today writes:
EXCLUSIVE: Carrey suicide ex-girl was missing family
JIM Carrey’s tragic ex-girlfriend Cathriona White had become embroiled in the bizarre Hollywood cult of Scientology, pals revealed last night.
Actor Jim Carrey’s ex-lover has died.
The Sun brings the news of “JIM’S SHOCK” at “CARREY LOVER’S SUICIDE”.
See if you can spot her name. Did she even have an identity pre or post Carrey?
The dead woman is “Irish Cathriona, 30”.
On the paper’s website, we get just as little:
She is “Carrey’s girl”:
The dead woman was called Cathriona White.
The Sun wants readers to know that BBC DJ Steve Wright is not slim. The paper’s Bizarre columns notes:
RADIO 2 favourite Steve Wright appears to have increased the bandwidth of his trousers again.
Look, everyone, it’s Steve Wright from the show Steve Wright In The Afternoon, aka the Sun’s…
It’s Steve Wright CHIN the afternoon
Not too long ago the Sun’s “Head of Showbiz” Dan Wootton – read him every day in Bizarre – was cheering on his ‘No More Skinny’ drive, calling for fatter models and the end to the skinny obsession “madness” that does “so much damage to our body-conscious youngsters”.
Wootton wanted to end the cult of skinny models. He invited not-skinny reality TV star Gemma Collins to tell his readers:
“Encouraging girls to be thin is no way to produce a generation of confident healthy women”
Singer Alexandra Burke added:
Beauty should not be defined by waist inches.
The Sun told us that what went for women was true for men:
Around 15-20 per cent of those affected by eating disorders are male. Over 300,000 men were hospitalised with an eating disorder last year. For help and support, visit Men Get Eating Disorders Too at Mengetedstoo.co.uk.
Wootton told us how great he was:
Despite being a Sun man through and through, I’m also about as far from the tabloid stereotype as you can get. I only moved to the UK from my homeland of New Zealand when I was an adult. I’m also gay – something I’ve been open about since my first job on Fleet Street when I was 23.
I’ve also very openly struggled with my weight for the last decade, with fluctuations of up to four stone across a 12-month period pretty normal for me. As a result, when I became a showbiz columnist I made it a policy to never comment negatively on the weight of a celebrity. This was a sea change from previous male showbiz columnists who didn’t have the same background as me.
So why does the Sun’s showbiz team think it fine to mock Steve Wright?