Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
SO. Gary Barlow’s been found to have “invested” in a tax avoidance scheme. So therefore there are cries that he should be stripped of his OBE, or hand it back himself. The very idea of which is bloody stupid.
For he’s not actually broken the law as yet. He’ll only do that if he doesn’t stump up the tax which HMRC now thinks is rightfully due.
David Cameron today insisted it is not ‘necessary’ for Gary Barlow to be stripped of his OBE despite a court ruling the Take That star had invested in a massive tax avoidance scheme.
Barlow has been branded ‘unethical’ by one MP and faced a barrage of criticism on social media, but the Prime Minister insisted the singer had ‘done a huge amount for the country’ including raising money for charity.
Much as it pains me to say this Cameron is correct here. Even if not for the right reason.
AND so it came to be that Thomas Neuwirth transformed a drippy signer with a terrible voice into Conchita Wurst – a bearded singer in a dress with a nightclub singer’s voice.
And he won Eurovison.
His look has caught on:
But how original is his act?
That question to you, Frank Zappa:
The man with the woman head is here to help:
And to you Steve Kardynal:
AH, yes. The school dance. Awkward and often soul shattering, it was a necessary rite of passage. It’s no surprise that such a dramatic collective memory would make for some great moments on film. Here’s a list (in no particular order) of the 16 greatest school dance scenes in movies. Feel free to add your own – I’d love to hear them.
It’s a Wonderful Life
The gym floor opening up into a pool is a beloved movie moment. It highlights perfectly George Bailey’s wild and promising youth before his big fall.
Perhaps the most memorable of all high school dance scenes. DePalma’s split screen technique in combination with Spacek’s ghastly visage is one that’s hard to shake. Last year’s remake game an honorable effort, but you just can’t recreate this sort of horror magic.
Scott Bao’s powers are taken to their limit, and we get to see Heather Thomas zapped and disrobed (well, actually her body double, but a high point in teen sex romps nonetheless).
Pretty in Pink
Andi (Molly Ringwald) ended up with Duckie in the original version of the film, but test audiences were appalled. John Hughes subsequently changed to the script to have Andi end up with Blaine (Andrew McCarthy). I strongly agree with that decision; in fact, I would have preferred Duckie die a horrible death instead.
Who cares that every kid at Rydell looks like they’re over 30. This dance scene with Travolta in his prime doing the Hand Jive is solid gold.
Can’t Buy Me Love
Somehow Patrick Dempsey’s African Anteater Ritual dance catches on, and soon the entire student body is joining in. What a bunch of sheep.
The dance scene has so much to love: “True” by Spandau Ballet, a painfully awkward dance by Farmer Ted, a brief appearance by John Cusack, Dong and his buxom soul mate, the scoliosis girl, and a $1 cover charge to see Sam’s underwear.
“My old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out for the dance but she couldn’t cause she’s doing some modeling right now.”
Perfectly captures the awkwardness of being on the outer fringes of the popularity caste system – all to the sounds of Alphaville and Cindy Lauper.
Ren and Ariel release some seriously pent up sexual energy on the dance floor. Lithgow was not amused.
Better Off Dead
Ricky (the fat dude from Head of the Class) dances like an effing maniac to impress Monique. I laughed till I ran out of air and blacked out, woke up and laughed some more.
A prolonged dance sequence set to disco music (featuring Jamie Lee Curtis) is unusual for a slasher film, but a beautiful thing nonetheless. It’s like Xanadu meets Friday the 13th. Even better, we get to see Leslie Neilsen putting on his boogie shoes!
Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion
The prom flashback is a brief but wonderfully effective reminder that high school dances feel monumentally important at the time, but really has no consequence for the life that awaits. The reunion dance to “Time After Time” is a nice touch as well.
There’s a very touching scene with Cindy Williams interspersed with plenty of mid-century tomfoolery. My personal favorite moment: Ron Howard telling the principal to go kiss a duck.
Just One of the Guys
Joyce Hyser shows her friend that she’s really a girl in disguise by exposing her breasts. An odd but historic moment in the annals of gratuitous nudity. (And, no, it’s not in the video below)
The curtain opens revealing a brawl between Randy (Nicholas Cage) and Tommy the Prom King. Hilarity ensues when the titular Valley Girl shoves guacamole in Tommy’s face and the crowd erupts into a food fight.
Back to the Future
McFly on the guitar playing “Johnny Be Good” to an eager crowd at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance is an amazing moment…. but then his digression into heavy metal guitar noodling leaves the audience saying “huh?”. Classic.
Honorable Mention: The pilot episode of Freaks and Geeks
It’s a TV show, but it still deserves a mention. Sam Weir finally gets to slow dance with his crush, but the opening to Styx’s “Come Sail Away” quickly turns loud and fast. He decides to go with the flow, stop being so damn self-conscious and just have fun. The feeling is contagious and his sister Lindsey, operating the punch bowls, who had a little something to do with the mentally challenged boy’s broken arm ventures over to see if he has forgiven her by asking him to dance. Perhaps the greatest school dance scene of them all.
KATIE Price tells the Sun that in spite of her husband Kieran Hayler’s reported cheating on her with a pal, she still wants him there by her side when their child is born at London’s Portland Hospital. We had hoped Katie would tweet this news, having broken the story of her husband’s infidelity with the autobiographical tweet:
“Jane Pountney is 50 next year cloned into me with my help she is a whore, home wrecker slut”.
That was more of a tagline for new Channel 5 biopic than a moment on Katie’s life in 140 characters or fewer.
PHILIPPE Petit Is talking to the New York Times about his new book Creativity: The Perfect Crime. It begins: “Make no mistake. I frown upon books about creativity.”Is talking to the New York Times about his new book Creativity: The Perfect Crime. It begins: “Make no mistake. I frown upon books about creativity.”
Most books on creativity are written by an author who references all the great creators of humanity — very often Einstein, the Beatles. They’re not drawing from themselves, and these books are usually in the self-help department. And very often, at the end of a chapter, they have an exercise for you to do. I don’t frown upon them; let’s be frank, I hate them.
On his wire-walking:
…two years ago in Washington Square Park. I put a little rope between two trees, and I improvised. If a leaf fell from a tree, I’d stop juggling and play with the leaf. I went to my prop bag and got a little bandage and stuck the leaf back on the tree. People loved it.
MALCOLM Gladwell has been thinking about teeth:
“If you don’t have good teeth, certain entry-level jobs are denied to you. There is fascinating stuff suggesting that you can’t work in customer-facing positions. If you go to work in a store, you’ll always be in the back. And if you’re in the back, that means you can never be in the front. You have no mobility, right? Mobility is from the back to the front.”
If you’re rich, it doesn’t matter…
SO. How do you get to marry actress and rubber glove model Helen Mirren? Thankfully, the guessing is over as Mirren told Hello! why she plighted her troth to Taylor Hackford.
“We didn’t get married for 15 years after we met each other… I couldn’t see the point until a financial adviser told me how much money we’d be saving. I was on board immediately.”
Love is… a widow’s pension…
SINCE the early seventies director Brian De Palma has crafted many intense and highly cerebral thrillers.
Alas, such efforts are often dismissed by critics as being overly imitative of Alfred Hitchcock’s films and style rather than praised for their own finely-developed sense of inter-textuality and intellectual gamesmanship.
ONE thing that has always been a major force in music, is marketing. Songs don’t accidentally find their way to listeners, unless you’re a crazy crate digger who actively looks between the cracks for music.
One of the finest pieces of music marketing, one that stills hangs around subtly today, saw Macy Gray becoming a huge star (albeit briefly). The job they did on her was magnificent. Basically, so sly was the campaign behind her, that listeners convinced themselves that they’d discovered her all by themselves.
REMEMBER when the Arctic Monkeys first burst onto the scene? Ordinary kids, making sharp, loud rock ‘n’ roll coupled with slanted looks at society and crapfun nights out? Even if they weren’t your bag, they sure were fun to have around. They made gloriously dumb music and matched it with an intelligence that their peers lacked.
And then, slowly, they turned into Every Other Rock Stars, going to the gym and wearing expensive clothes and making dadrock.
Some will argue that they grew up, which is fine as their fans were growing up too. However, who says that a) You have to grow up at all in music? b) Growing up means slowing down?
TERRIBLE Tattoos presents the Miley Cyrus chicken twerk tongue tat:
AND so it came to pass that Katie Price and Kieran ‘Loud’ Hayler are no longer an item. She claims on twitter that her third husband of some months has been chrating on her her with married-mum-of-two called Jane.
As befitting the terrible personal loss, Price took to Twitter:
“Sorry to say me and Kieran are divorcing. Him and my best friend Jane Pountney been having a full blown sexual affair for 7 months.”
EVERYONE outside of the music industry knows that people who illegally download also buy music. For example, Person A buys a lot of vinyl, but also illegally downloads a load of stuff he wouldn’t normally buy, like that song they hear on the radio now and then.
Some people will ravage a torrent and then go buy various albums from it in a try-before-you-buy way. Others will solely nick music, but whaddayagonnado? Those people, years ago, would’ve only ever recorded friends albums onto blank tapes anyway.
A new report goes one further – music and movie pirates behave completely differently. Turns out those who illegally download films are far more likely to pay for legitimate copies as well.
WHEN Joe DiMaggio heard his name in Simon & Garfunkel’s “Mrs. Robinson”, he reportedly went into a rage and wanted to sue. To him, it sounded like an insult and insinuated that he was dead (“Joltin’ Joe has left and gone away.”) In truth, it was a homage – Paul Simon had worshiped DiMaggio growing up. The fact was explained to the baseball legend, but it’s likely he never really understood.
Similarly, when David Bowie played his tribute “Andy Warhol” in front of the artist himself, it was greeted with indifference. After the song was finished, there was an awkward silence and Warhol changed the subject inquiring about Bowie’s shoes.
Even though musicians are unlikely to get a pat on the back from the subject of their songs, that hasn’t stopped artists from making music about famous people either dead or living. From Ozzy’s ode to Alistair Crowley to Bananarama’s shout-out to Robert DeNiro, popular music is littered with songs namedropping famous people in the title. Here are six for your listening pleasure.
“Andy Warhol” by Dana Gillespie
Obviously, this was originally a Bowie song about one his biggest inspirations (found on his Hunky Dory LP). It was later covered by his sometime lover, sometime backing vocalist Dana Gillespie. Dana actually released a couple good albums under Bowie’s production company, but neither sold well, and she never was able to translate any form of success in the States. She moved on to concentrate on being an actress, then a bluesy singer a decade later. Despite her extremely varied career, one things always remained constant with Dana – massive cleavage.
“Rasputin” by Boney M
“Ra-Ra-Rasputin, Russia’s greatest love machine.”
Among his many crimes, Rasputin held control over the royal family, keeping them isolated and under his dark influence at the expense of the nation. But perhaps his most shameful legacy is this song; a disco travesty committed 62 years after his death.
“(My Name Is) Michael Caine” by Madness
Using Caine’s Ipcress File (1965) as a basis for a song about the IRA was unusually weighty stuff for the band. Caine initially refused to add his voice to the song, but was convinced by his daughter (a Madness fan)… which is slightly ironic considering Caine isn’t exactly known for turning things down (Jaws: The Revenge, anyone?). But as he once pointed out: “You get paid the same for a bad film as you do for a good one.” It’s hard to argue with that.
“Black Superman (Muhammad Ali)” by Johnny Wakelin
Under the direction of the same record producer responsible for “Kung Fu Fighting”, Wakelin wrote this homage to Ali after watching the epic fight against George Foreman forever known as the Rumble in the Jungle.
Even worse than Bowie’s Warhol tribute, Muhammad Ali was nonplussed by Johnny Wakelin’s “Black Superman (Muhammad Ali)” and basically disowned it.
“Abraham, Martin And John” by Moms Mabley
This song earned a spot on our list of 13 Worst Songs of the 1960s. It is better remembered via renditions by Smokey Robinson, Marvin Gaye and Dion…. but Moms Mabley is what we’re dishing up today as proof that no matter how beautiful something is, it can always be ruined. As sad as the deaths of Lincoln, MLK and JFK are, at least they were spared having to hear Moms sing this song.
“Lord Grenville” by Al Stewart
Lord Grenville was a 16th Century Admiral immortalized in Alfred Lord Tennyson’s The Revenge – A Ballad of the Fleet. This may be the most intellectual song ever written – with historical storytelling, literary references, and philosophical questions of purpose and time, all wrapped in a transcendental melody circling upwards like cannabis vapors to the Heavens. Glorious.
SHE really is fun to have around, but Courtney Love isn’t exactly known for being right very often. While talking about Bruce Springsteen, she said she liked him, but didn’t really like his music and had a leave a show she’d been taken to.
Fair enough. Not everyone like Bruce Springsteen. And his shows go on for roughly 378 hours. And those cut-off shirts he wears need sorting out too.
However, while talking about The Boss, she said that “saxophones don’t belong in rock ‘n’ roll.”
REMEMBER when Tupac died? That was sad wasn’t it? Well, Suge Knight, who just so happened to be in the driver’s seat of the car that was filled with bullets back in ’96, which resulted in wounds that led to ‘Pac’s death, isn’t convinced that the rapper is actually dead.
Anyone who has done any reading on Suge will know that he’s not exactly a trustworthy source.
“Why you think nobody been arrested if they said they the one that killed Tupac?” he wondered while talking to TMZ. “Because Tupac not dead. If he was dead, they’d be arresting those dudes for murder. You know he’s somewhere smoking a Cuban cigar on an island.”
YOU may not know the name Scott Bradlee, but you’ll definitely know the songs he performs. That’s because you’ve probably seen his Postmodern Jukebox getting The Hits Of Today! and screwing them into the ground, kicking them around a little and uprooting and rearranging them as jazz standards, boozy ragtime belters and a whole load more.
Every so often, one of Bradlee’s videos goes viral, and everyone feverishly shares them without thinking of the people behind them.
Irish version of ‘Get Lucky’ for Saint Patrick’s Day? Scott Bradlee and his Postmodern Jukebox? Smooth covers of the Game of Thrones theme? You guessed it.
So, with that, we’ve collected some of his most fun reworkings (there are more) which somehow… and don’t ask us how he’s managed it… aren’t like those other twee cover version that deeply grate on every level. Bradlee’s takes aren’t judging modern pop and say it’s bad, but rather, screwing around with them and having some fun.
Good news for people outside of America is that he’s taking the Postmodern Jukebox on tour and, yes, he will be in the UK. Check out the tour dates here and watch the videos below. There’s a million more on YouTube as well.
Duck Tales… the ’90s R&B slow jam version
DID you look at the carpet in Stanley Kubrick’s haunting version of The Shining and think ‘Where can you buy that?” Well, now you can. The MONDO 237 Collection features the floor covering from room 237 as a sweater, cardigan, 6′ scarf, ski mask and two different sized floor rugs.
Buy the sweater and get limited edition die-cut room 237 keys.
SO. Max Clifford has ben sentenced to 8 years choky for assaulting four young women, one aged 15, in the 1970s and 1980s.
The Sun says:
It’s not what he said that got him into bother. Its the eight assaults, including, as the Sun notes:
The judge also said he was sure Clifford had groped a 12-year-old girl in a jacuzzi in Spain – which he could not be tried for because it happened abroad.
But something Max said to the Starsuckers crew does strike a bell:
“You just can’y believe these people. The money gives them the indulgence… You’ve done that, you’ve done this, so what else? You could do it upside-down on a plane… well, we’ve done that, now what else can we do.? And it gets like that because there’s nothing else for them. They’ve got to keep pushing and pushing and pushing.”
And on Max went. You can see him in the video below. The sun starts at 1 hour 13 mins.
COULD your Spotify and iTunes playlists use some sprucing up? Let these Post Punk and Synth Pop artists rejuvinate your tired lists with their fresh audio suggestions. Pulled from the pages of 1980 issues of Smash Hits magazine are ten “All Time Top Ten Lists” as chosen by selected New Wavers.
Steve Eagle of The Photos
1. “I Saw Her Standing There” by The Pink Fairies
2. “I Just Wanna Have Something to Do” by The Ramones
3. “Groover” by T. Rex
4. “You Got My Number” by The Undertones
5. “Always Crashing in the Same Car” by David Bowie
6. “I Just Don’t Know What to Do with Myself” by Dusty Springfield
7. “Song For Life” by Johnny Cash
8. “All the Young Dudes” by Mott the Hoople
9. “New Rose” by The Damned
10. “D’yer Maker” by Led Zeppelin
Ranking Roger of The Beat
1. “Anarchy in the UK” by Sex Pistols
2. “Death Disco” by Public Image LTD
3. “White Riot” by The Clash
4. “Trans Europe Express” by Kraftwerk
5. “Nite Klub” by The Specials
6. “Majestic Dub” by Joe Gibbs and the Professionals
7. “O Level Dub” by Clint Eastwood
8. “Pistol Boy” by Militant Barry
9. “Armagideon Time” by The Clash
10. “Dread at the Controls” by Mikey Dread
1. “The Fat Man” by Fats Domino
2. “My Baby Left Me” by Elvis Presley
3. “Honky Tonk Women” by The Rolling Stones
4. “That’s Alright Mama” by Snooks Eaglin
5. “I Am the Walrus” by The Beatles
6. “Eleanor Rigby” by The Beatles
7. “Beat on the Brat” by The Ramones
8. “Virginia Plain” by Roxy Music
9. “Brass in Pocket” by The Pretenders
10. “I’m a Lazy Sod” by Sex Pistols
Ian McCulloch of Echo and the Bunnymen
1. “Famous Blue Raincoat” by Leonard Cohen
2. “Try to Remember” by The Kingston Trio
3. “Search and Destroy” by Iggy and the Stooges
4. “Mess of My” by The Fall
5. “Sister Ray” by Velvet Underground
6. “The Bewlay Brothers” by David Bowie
7. “Lady Stardust” by David Bowie
8. “Over the Wall” by Echo and the Bunnymen
9. “Anarchy in the UK” by Sex Pistols
10. “Mother” by John Lennon
Paul Humphreys of Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
1. “Atmosphere” by Joy Division
2. “Cities” by Talking Heads
3. “Europe Endless” by Kraftwerk
4. “Morale” by Human League
5. “Before and After Science” by Eno
6. “Missing Fifteen Minutes” by Dalek I
7. “Isolation” by Joy Division
8. “My Way” by Sid Vicious
9. “Thrash” by Cowboys International
10. “Pennsylvania 65000” by Glen Miller
Julian Cope of Teardrop Explodes
1. “The Modern Dance” by Pere Ubu
2. “Jackie/Mathilde” by Scott Walker
3. “When the Music’s Over” by The Doors
4. “Stepping Out” by The Fall
5. “Sweet Surrender” by Tim Buckley
6. “King of the Streets” by Armand Schaubroeuk
7. “The Electrician” by The Walker Brothers
8. “Alone Again Or” by Love
9. “Walk on Gilded Splinters” by Dr. John
10. “My Head is My Only House until It Rains” by Captain Beefheart
Hugh Cornwell of The Stranglers
1. “Whip It” by Devo
2. “I Got You” by Split Enz
3. “Rescue” by Echo and the Bunnymen
4. “Tri X Pan” by Tea Set
5. “Something Else” by Eddie Cochran
6. “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge
7. “Le Freak” by Chic
8. “Young at Heart” by Frank Sinatra
9. “Stay” by The Hollies
10. “My Little Red Book” by Love
“In the Year 2525” by Zager and Evans
“Bewlay Brothers” by David Bowie
“Spaceball” by Marc Bolan
“The Modern Dance” by Pere Ubu
“Berlin” by Lou Reed
“Baby’s On Fire” by Brian Eno
“Back to Nature” by Fad Gadget
“Castles Made of Sand” by Jimi Hendrix
“Emmie” by Laura Nyro
“Starsailor” by Tim Buckley
Holly Vincent of Holly and the Italians
1. “Come On” by Cheap Trick
2. “I Don’t Wanna Walk Around With You” by The Ramones
3. “Trash” by The New York Dolls
4. “He’s a Whore” by Cheap Trick
5. “I Just Wanna Have Something to Do” by The Ramones
6. “Insanely Jealous” by The Soft Boys
7. “The Way of the World” by Cheap Trick
8. “Stand by Your Man” by Tammy Wynette
9. “Slow Motion” by Ultravox
10. “Quiet Life” by Japan
Eddie Tenpole of Tenpole Tudor
1. “Get Off My Cloud” by The Rolling Stones
2. “Talk of the Town” by The Pretenders
3. “Golden Birdies” by Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band
4. “Borstal Breakout” by Sham 69
5. “Clarinet Concerto” by Mozart
6. “Can You Hear Me” by David Bowie
7. “Just another Dream” by The Professionals
8. “You Need Hands” by Malcolm MacLaren
9. “Hey Negrita” by The Rolling Stones
10. “Chiquitita” by ABBA
Eddie’s note to the #10 ABBA song: “The last twenty seconds is the best tune I’ve ever heard. The rest is rubbish.”
REMEMBER when Alex Turner of the Arctic Monkeys made that speech about rock ‘n’ roll at The Brits and everyone who wasn’t a guitar-loving 14 year old, just shrivelled up and died of awkwardness on the spot?
Well, Distillers honcho Brody Dalle has said that she’s “proud” of Turner for speaking out on behalf of rock’n’roll, because obviously, rock ‘n’ roll was in danger of not being represented all the bloody time on TV and radio. We’ve noticed the collective fawning over 90s indie music, folk-rock-pop cover versions on adverts, Royal Wedding-levels of blanket TV coverage of Glastonbury ever bastard summer and the national press ignoring pretty much every release that isn’t a rock LP and so on and on.
V. STIVIANO knows how to find the camera. Known as the Pete Burns lookalike girlfriend of bigoted LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling, Stiviano is going to take the bugging skills she learnt recording her lover making racist comment on the phone and become President of the US of A.
“One day, I will become president of the United States of America. And I will change the legislation and laws.”
JOHN Carpenter’s film career has had its critical ups and downs, but time – the final arbiter of success, perhaps – has been almost universally kind to the vast majority of his cinematic work.
Reviled upon release in the summer of Spielberg’s E.T., John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982) is now revered as a horror classic and a work of art superior to the Howard Hawks film of 1951.
Similarly, Carpenter’s anti-yuppie battle cry, They Live (1988) has been re-evaluated as an ahead-of-its time masterpiece about the imminent death of the middle class in America, and “vulture capitalists” picking at its bones.
Even In the Mouth of Madness (1994), dismissed on original release as lesser-Carpenter, is widely considered now to be the finest interpretation of the Lovecraft aesthetic yet committed to film.
PUNKS and money have always been a funny thing, mainly because the entire foundation for punk is to not give two hoots about cash. They mean it, maaan. Anti-establishment, lone wolf rock music, that does things on its own terms without caring about what the SUITS think.
Right on! And all that.
Of course, all punks soon get tired of being poor and living grottily, which prompts them to say everything was just one big Art Jape. Look at John Lydon – poster boy for punk, later, advertisements for butter and appearing on reality TV shows in the jungle. Har de har har, all that stuff about being real? It was a joke wasn’t it? And all the reunion tours and reissues of our old records? Yeah, when we said ‘no future’, it was supposed to be funny! This was always likely to end up being our pensions! Hark! We even say ‘we’re only in it for the money!’ and talk about ‘filthy lucre’!