X Factor: Cheryl Cole Gets Her Own ITV Show, With Rihanna
WHEN the X Factor is finished, ITV will keep us up to speed with the life of Cheryl Cole with a one-off special, entitled Cheryl Cole’s Night In.
Given the tabloid chatter about Cheryl’s marriage to Chelsea and England footballer Ashley Cole – “Ashley blows hot and Cole” (Star);” Is Cheryl Cole’s love life losing the X Factor?” (Daily Mail) – Cheryl might be happy with the company.
We will join Cheryl as she sits on the sofa waiting for Ashley to come home and tell her that Clement Freud joke.
Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Samantha Fox Is Shrinking As ‘Lesbian’ Lover Katie Price Quits
I’M A Celebrity Fact Of The Day – with Samantha Fox and the Daily Star, and without Katie Price:
“Sam’s jungle boob”
“Jungle life is making Sam Fox’s boobs shrink. She is a natural 36C but eating rice and beans and sweating in the bush heat has led to a nightmare.”
With Katie Price and her Jordans now departed, all eyes are on Sam - that lesbian romp is on hold, tabloid readers.
In other news:
“Hunky Stuart [Manning] zips himself up in his sleeping bag every night so randy Kim [Woodburn] cannot pounce on him while they sleep in the caravan.”
With Katie Price gone, the tabloids need to look harder for their thrills…
I’m A Celebrity’s Sam Fox’s Career In Pictures
Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Katie Price’s US Namesake Presents The American Music Awards 2009: In Photos
THE American Music Awards are the season’s latest music industry AGM. All the signed acts and American Idol rejects arrive. Nicole Kidman, Rihanna, Kate Hudson, Paula Abdul’s Phoebe Price – any relation to Britain’s gonad mumcher Katie Price? – The Black Eyed Peas and Jermaine Jackson arrive. And to make up the numbers, American Idol winners and losers pack out the theatre. These awards are not to be confused with the Grammy Awards (GA), the Billboard Music Awards (BAM), MTV Awards, the World Music Awards (WAM) or any other acronym…
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Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Vows Her Kids Will Die If She Eats Another Gonad
I’M A Celebrity: How the old dead tree press responded to the news that Katie Price has quit the jungle:
The Sun (front page): “Jordan: no more trials”
Not a shabby effort at prediction. But, in reality, this is just a quote from Katie on last night’s show.
Says Katie Price:
“I swore on my kids’ lives I’m not doing any more. I am not doing any more. I am not doing any more. I have said to them I am not doing it.”
Why not swear on her own life? Why brings the kids into it? Their lives are tied to their mum’s bug eating? If she eat more bugs – they die! This is terible. Although, it is good telly…
Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Quitter Katie Price Wanted To Die With Jedward
I’M A Celebrity: Katie Price has left the jungle to be with her make-up.
Jordan walked out jungle. She put in a good shift. She’s not John Fashanu.
But Katie Price leaves the jungle with her head high and her Jordan’s held higher, like Saint Agatha in a bikini.
She leaves the show with a legacy of a slightly sunken hammock and the waters with traces of eyebrow felt tip and tangerine varnish.
Says Katie Price:
“Everyone else, give them something to do. You’ve seen me struggle, you’ve seen me cry, shake, want to die.
“I really don’t want to be doing this. I miss my children. I’m hungry.
“I want a nice bed and I don’t want to have to put myself through these horrible challenges.”
Did she walk in sympathy with Jedward?
Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
X Factor: Jedward To Sing Official Conservative Party Song
X FACTOR: Jedward have X-ited the X Factor and have re-emerged into mainstream society. Before the magazines are full of Jedward and inside tips on how they gel their hair and gargle air freshener, the news media reports:
Today’s Front Pages
AT LAST – DEADWOOD – Daily Mirror
JEDWARD DEADWOOD – The Sun
“John & Edward Are Out – Keep the cheering down” – Daily Mail
“Twins get boot now for loot” – Daily Star
The Threat
“We want to make a record and do all the things we have dreamed of.”
Get Get them Out Of Your Head
Danyl Johnson added: “We knew all the words to their songs by Tuesday each week because they were always singing round the house so much. They were great.”
Nothing annoying about that.
Politics
The Conservatives have jumped on Jedward’s X-Factor axing to take a swipe at Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling.
How pathetic. The Labour Party won’t even respond:
A Labour Party spokesman said of the Tory poster: “We did this two weeks ago.
“This shows once again how Labour is leading the way in digital campaigning and the Tories are left scrabbling around playing catch up.”
Is that the saddest thing you have ever read?
Look out for John singing the official Conservative Party anthem and Edward doing it for Labour. Place your votes. Vote now and vote often.
Louis Walsh Is Off His Head
“I put my head on the block and took a chance, but I’d rather do that than be boring. They have the X Factor.”
Why not be both - boring and bang on about the X Factor?
The big question: with Jedward gone how long before Jedward are back on the front pages?
Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
American Music Awards: Jennifer Lopez Falls Back On Her Talent, Video
THE American Music Awards is not a folk music AGM, but yet another chance of established acts to remind the TV watching public that they are a) alive, b) working and c) looking the same as they did ten years ago, perhaps younger.
Janet Jackson lip-synced, American Idol products Carrie Underwood and Adam Lambert shouted and Keith Urban, woman an award for – no faint praise here - “Best Country Male”.
Alicia Keys sang, Jay-Z did safe rapped, Eminem and 50 Cent did sweary rap, The Black Eyed Peas sang four different songs at the same time and Lady Gaga survived smashing her way through some glass to reach her piano.
Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
X Factor: Jedward, John & Edward Grimes, Are Voted Out At Last
X Factor: Jedward, John & Edward, Are Voted Out. They are booed by the crowd.
The X Factor loses another warbling wannabe. And it’s Jedward.
The Duracell Gonks are in the sing off with Olly Murs, the man with a name like a contagion. They are toast. They are on their way to becoming a footnote in a TV history, a pub quiz question.
Jedward are two untalented, precocious, hard to like, over-exposed singing gonks who are part of a sick TV experiment to see what point Simon Cowell’s powers of deception wane and the masses rub their eyes and realise they are being served up crap.
C owell and Louis Walsh are like Mortimer and Randolph Duke in Trading Places, playing with people for entertainmnt.
Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Music In The Decade Of X Factor, American Idol, Jay Z, Michael Jackson And Amy Winehouse.
The decade was shaped by the arrival of popstar parvenus, those not genuine popstars who had crooned someone else’s song on The X Factor, Fame Academy, American Idol, Pop Idol or Fame Academy. There were authentic pop stars, like Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty, the former who could sing and both who could live the live of excess. Eminem rocked, Britney Spears melted, Jay Z grew the brand and we wept for George Harrison, Diana and another Live Aid. And Michael Jackson died. In pictures:
Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
X Factor Does Pride Watch: Cheryl Cole Patronises Joe McElderry
X FACTOR does Pride Watch: Pride Watch highlights instances of Remote Pride, when someone barely or not at all related to the subject says how proud they of them, a comment that at once patronises the target and takes partial ownership of their achievement.
Cheryl Cole is “mentoring” Joe McElderry, the shiny, sexless Cliff Richard boychild by choosing what songs the voice coach trains him to sing.
Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
X Factor: Using Susan Boyle To Cast Jedward As Victims
SUSAN Boyle is to sing a live pre-recorded song on the X Factor, and in readiness he has brushed up alongside Jedward, the Duracell Gonk act that we’re calling Jeadful.
Can some of Susan Boyle trademark victim status helps Jedward win the vote? The Mail gives us:
Susan Boyle has been giving advice to X Factor twins John and Edward Grimes to help them to deal with the abuse they are getting.
They should tell people to “f*** off”? A source explains:
“People have said John and Edward are like a freak show, which is what they were saying about Susan.”
Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Amy Winehouse To Star In New Patridge Family Show
AMY Winehouse’s metamorphosis into I’m A Celebrity’s Katie Price moves on as news reaches us that the singer wants more plastic surgery.
Yes, we know. This is the second Amy Winehouse story of the day but there is now more of her to cover. (Katie Price’s columns inches are correlated to the sixe of her Jordans.)
Having been cut up and sewn back together around the chest, Amy now wants to have her nose altered. Can it be that Amy has been looking at those London Zoo elephants with envy? “I’ll ‘ave me one ov dose noses,” says she. Bigger nostrils will make her envy of every Camden Town sniffer.
Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Amy Winehouse Is ‘Living’ In A ‘House’ In The London Clinic
DID you know that Amy Winehouse has “set up house – in the hospital where docs fixed her boobs”?
Amy Winehouse is living in a hospital, says the Star. Having kicked illegal drugs, Amy is now living in a hospital where prescription – legal – drugs are only a press on the bell away, nurses are her maids and fading to black comes after counting down from 10?
The troubled singer has moved into the posh, private London Clinic. Amy Winehouse is living there full-time so she can be monitored by doctors round the clock.
Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price To Marry ‘Dumped’ Alex Reid In Jungle
I’M A Celebrity:Katie Price to marry, Alex Reid to be dumped in the jungle and Michelle Heaton whispers. The news round-up:
News of The World (front page): “MARRY ME KATIE”
It’s walking Toffee Crisp Alex Reid.He’s heading Down Under to see his one true love:
“EXCLUSIVE: ALEX TO PROPOSE IN JUNGLE”
Eveyone loves a wedding. It will so great. Katie can wear a veils fashioned from spiders webs and Alex can makes ring from a kanagaroo’s anus. But hold on a moment:
Sunday Mirror (front page): “Tarzan Alex is dumped in jungle”
Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (16) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
X Factor Live: Jedward Do Jive Bunny, Olly Murs Is The Man And Danyl Johnson Is Careless
X Factor Live Blog: It’s Wham! Week. John and Edward, Danyl Johnson, Stacey Solomon, Jedward, Joe McElderry, Lloyd Daniels and contagious Olly Murs?
1. Lloyd Daniels - You’ve Got To Have Faith.
Lloyd needs faith because he doesn’t have a prayer of winning. Should have sung Wake Me Up Before You GoGo. A does of self-depracating humour might have saved him.
Damned by hard to like Louis Walsh: “I love everything except he voice Lloyd, I think you’re a real little pop star though.”
2. Stacey Solomon - I Can’t Make You Love Me
Is she getting blonder?
X Factor: Stacey Solomon Look Alike Gallery. She’s through to next week’s show.
Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
X Factor At The Union Chapel: Lostprophets, King Blues And The Black Out
BEFORE Simon Cowell brought us his finishing school for music with modules in X Factor, Britain’s Got Talent and Pop Idol – with special points for anyone able to shorten their name into something that can fit into text message (Jedward, Subo etc.) – there was talent.
Here’s the news: there still is talent and new music. It’s just not on the tell any more. It’s at the 2009 Mencap Little Noise Sessions at the Union Chapel in London, in the form of Ian Watkins of Lostprophets, King Blues and The Black Out. We were there. We’ve got pictures:
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Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
X Factor: George Michael Sees The Light And The Jonas Brothers Back Jedward
X FACTOR Watch: George Michael spots the leading lights and the Jonas Brothers back Jedward.
The trick with the X Factor publicists is to keep the show in people’s minds in the long week, when I’m A Celebrity occupies all thoughts and front pages.
It’s achieved by non news. Today’s non-news news story is that George Michael might watch the show.
A show insider tells the Mirror:
“George is hoping to come and watch the live shows this weekend.”
Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Finds Jordan In An Alcopop
I’M A Celebrity: In Make Your Own Katie Price, we tell you how to grow your own Jordan in a bottle of alcopops or wine box.
Jordan adorns the cover of the Sun’s front page and tells readers: “Keep me sober or I’ll get nasty.”
This is, of course, a call for the I’m A Celebrity producers to airdrop caseloads of fermented cockroach penis to the jungle studio. It’s is also receipe for Jordan.
The Sun says that Katie plus booze equals Jordan.
Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Naked Katie Price Becomes Kate And Jordan ‘Dies’
I’M A Celebrity: Katie Price is dying. Kate Price is upon us. Jordan makes a naked dash for fame. And the worms get ready to complete the food cycle…
Daily Star (front page): “JORDAN: I’LL DIE IN BUSH”
Is that Bush the famous Shepherd’s Bush, location of the overgrown Blue Peter Garden and the BBC’s Television Centre? To viewers it looks like the Australian Bush, made to look bigger by clever angles and having little Ant ‘n’ Dec present the show.
Jordan will die in this Bush. Having eaten so much insect, she will become insect food.
KATE Price believes she is so hated, the public actually want to see her die in the jungle.
Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Frankie Sandford’s Slasher Dress Bum Note And Other Terrific Mistakes
POOR Frankie Sandford is a singer with The Saturdays, a Girls Aloud –Spice Girls tribute act and a graduate of S Club Juniors, youth wing of former cabaret act S Club 7. She’s done a Clare Danes and shown lots of flesh.
It all went terribly wrong when Sandford arrived at the Variety Club Awards. The Variety Club is a charity helps young, disabled and disadvantaged children. Sandford, currently dating McFly singer Dougie Poynter, arrived on the red carpet wearing a short dress through which a section of her backside was peeking out.
We had thought she’d worn it for the children, to cheer them up. But it turns out that showing your bum in public was all a terrific mistake. Did you see it? Did you? Says Sandford:
“When we went down the red carpet the photographers kept asking us to turn around and look over our shoulders. It wasn’t until afterwards that Mollie and Una pointed out that the reason they kept asking was because my dress had a big slit right on my bum cheek! Now it all makes sense!”
Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
- Anorak on X Factor Does Pride Watch: Cheryl Cole Patronises Joe McElderry
- davie bassest on X Factor Does Pride Watch: Cheryl Cole Patronises Joe McElderry
- Anorak on Susan Boyle On Pride Watch: Holly Willoughby Patronises The X Factor Singer
- Cheryl on Susan Boyle: World Divided Over SuBo And Lady Susan
- June on I’m A Celebrity: Samantha Fox Is Shrinking As ‘Lesbian’ Lover Katie Price Quits
