200 Reasons Oprah Winfrey Beats Madonna & Jolie
YOU join us at The Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa.
A count is underway. We wait. The Enquirer lifts its head, blinks hard and tells us that there are 200-count thread sheets on the dormitory beds.
Wow. Is this a lot, you ask?
To investigate, Anorak has taken the liberty to contact some of the UK’s premier female institutions. A call to Beneden was met with an engaged tone. HMP Barlinnie said they would investigate the matter.
And the housemistress at Millfield said she had caller ID on her new pocket phone and was referring our perverted inquiry to the local constabulary.
And while we await developments, the Enquirer tells us of other features on offer at Oprah Winfrey’s school for girls who can. There is a yoga studio, beauty salon, indoor and outdoor theatres and “hundreds of pieces of costly art.”
Oprah is doing right by her girls. Eat our hearts out Angelina Jolie and Madonna. While you handpick one African child at a time, Oprah take charge of 152 girls.
Oprah is a champion, right? She has spent $40million building a place where the lives of impoverished black girls can be bettered. They can learn and go on to educate others.
But there is sobbing. “Angry” mum Angela Corandie says her daughter Michelle “phones me in tears sometimes”. She is upset at her new boarding school.
Frances Mans, whose foster daughter attends the school, tells the Enquirer: “It was a nightmare. We only had two hours to see my child, surely this isn’t a prison or institution.”
The Enquire says girls are allowed only one visit a month. They are not allowed to use the phone during the school day. They are allowed “just” four visitors per student.
There is a quote from an unnamed South African newspaper calling the rules “so strict they make a reformatory look like a holiday resort.”
We who have wintered in Bridlington shudder at the thought.
But what is so bad? What is it that causes the Enquirer to scream: “NEW OPRAH SCHOOL SCANDAL EXPLODES”?
What harm in giving poor black girls chances rich white girls take for granted in the US of A? Or is the problem with what they’re being taught? Is Oprah creating a platoon of Oprah clones ready to bring sofa-bound TV advertorials to the African masses?
Just what does sleeping on 200-count thread sheets do to a child?
March 29th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
Thank god I attended state school!
March 30th, 2007 at 1:28 am
Lets see Oprah’s project here helps 152 girls, and you suggest Madonna is only helping 1, when in fact her projects are going to help over 4000 children just to start. Madonna has taken a child into her own home and taken on the additional responsibility to raise a child who would have died otherwise. I find it offensive that this article is trying to degrade Madonna when she has good intentions, Madonna has been giving millions back to people from day one and not only to people with AIDS but a whole list of really needy causes.
March 30th, 2007 at 6:47 am
not to degrade Madonna but to praise Oprah who comes under attack for her choice of sheets… Grandstanding is fine by me if a life is helped. Oprah is helping many
March 30th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
I agree OPrah like Madonna should be praised for helping others not attacked.
April 2nd, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Have you read Princess Bubble? This is a fairy tale Oprah would be all about!
April 2nd, 2007 at 7:40 pm
Who is Princess Bubble?