Victoria Beckham’s Coffee Mourning
“VICTORIA SPEAKS OUT”.
Finally, after so many long silences, Victoria Beckham opens the toothy grill at the front of her face and begins to tell us what life is like being feted, rich and tanned.
OK!’s front page promises much: “I’m insecure & sick of people judging me – plus my girls-only coffee mornings with J.Lo and Katie.”
The media just will not leave Vicky alone. It’s not like she courts publicity, that she wants to be gawped at as she cuddles up to David, strokes David or looks lovingly into David’s eyes.
Posh continues to tell us how ordinary she is, to remind us in act and deed that there are thousands of more talented people out there, but it is her lot to be found fascinating and devastatingly attractive by newspaper and magazine editors.
But Vicky is normal. She and David are normal. Refreshingly normal. They sit at home and watch DVDs. Granted not everyone can be rich enough to get Jennifer Lopez to act out the opening scene from Gigli in their front room, but that’s just how life is. It’s normal for Vicky.
Right now, though, Vicky is in the Alps, skiing with her family. Vicky is wearing a canary yellow ski jackets and waving at the cameras. She’s on a hang-glider “screaming and laughing with excitement at the same time”.
Vicky says she fears people are judging here, “what I wear, what my hair looks like, the expression on my face.”
She offers: “Which is why I often go out wearing a cap and sunglasses: the less people can see, the less they can criticise.”
Does this explain the slim frame? Does the drive to be seen less influence a decision to create less of Vicky to see? Will Posh only be at ease when she disappears?
OK! wonders. “We only hope Posh is enjoying some good old après-ski grub too,” it chimes, “surely even Victoria couldn’t resist a Swiss cheese fondue after a hard day on the slopes.”
Pictures to follow…
April 12th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
hey d.b….dumb bitch…vicky b…when we gonna see you come out…courting celebrity…..and controversy…by being seen around La La Land…with a couple of fat lessies?….if it can make kate look good …maybe it can do the same for you…..oops forgot…you already tried latching on to some lardy large lasses….Ginger & Mel B…were both porky……anyways….I dont think beth ditto would be seen dead with a wannabe nobody like you……whatever……Kate Moss is my heroine….you is just a skinny imitation……a posh wannabe…you is not even pretty….poor little Vicky B……what a waste…of sympathy.
See you in Salford-by-the-Sea
Becky B
April 12th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
…hey Vicky…….. you can stuff yer crumby coffee…..get f*cked by StarBucks….no thanks…..I prefer a cup of me mams tea…in sunny Salford by the Sea…..what a waste of DaveyB…
April 12th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
ciao Vicky…..my name is luigi iam a latin linguist and i love you .
unfortunately i have to tell you small problemo . your husband has a new tattoo…by the artist named Lou…..it has roman writing…….I have translated it to english…i dont know what lou told you it say…but i speak the lingo…so i know what it really say……i translate it this way…
“Come,.. bring the whole family…to see me………and Celebrate my Celebrity….in …The World of Walt Disney…..Kids under the age of One….get a free Vicky B…Spice Girls Dolly”
Iam so sorry my love….hope Lou can come and redo the tattoo…hope i have not embarassed you….I only want to kiss your lovely neck my sweet.
Ciao
Luigi
April 12th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
Just wait till Victoria & David have their own Space Ship like Tom & Katie.
Then they will really get the true meaning of Star Bucks & Celebrity.
It is a science, unfortunately Vicky & David are just too thick to get it,
They are just not Scientific without their own Space Ship.
I have a second hand one for sale, if they are interested they can call me.
My tel: number is 77777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777
April 12th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
on second thoughts ” What a Waste of Space”
777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777
April 12th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
dear vicky,
It has come to The Doctor’s attention that your Dayvid’s fishy fingers are getting hold of a Monopoly of O-ME-GOSH 3 .
As this is a breach of our CodPeace Coypyright ,,Doctor DoLittle has instructed me,Suzi Sushi. to say…….
CodPeace & Light to you…
Sea you when we Sue
Suzi SueShe…The Fishy Dishy Doctors Legal Secretary
April 12th, 2007 at 3:31 pm
O-Me-Gosh!!…What is the World of Celebrity goig to push next on our infancy?…Next we will sea The Beckhams handing out my O-ME-GOSH 3
fantastic fish therapy to the children who visit them at The World of Walt Disney…for a nice fat fee…talk about pushy….!!!
Thanks but my children are already healthy & oily…they get their O-ME-GOSH 3…for free …from the fish in the sea…Suzi .& me
The Morphines kickin in…waste is a sin
Sea You in Soho
The Doctor
April 12th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
oy Dr. D…..Vicky B dont need your fish therapy….nor your O-ME-GUSH3…
she is already well fishy…..and oily…….as for orgasmic…well my little bro…Son of Sam …says….” I would prefer to f*ck a Fish…they is more friendly & sexy…than skinny little Vicky B”…… hey I told you Son of Sam is also Son of Billy….the Twitch…I call my brother … Son of a B………now you know why they call me Becky the Bitch
April 12th, 2007 at 5:04 pm
Dear Vicky,
To show you we really do believe in CodPeace & Light at The Clinic, The Doctor has instructed me to send you for free a sample of his Original O-ME-GOSH3 Recipe. He has tested it on a plaice and says it will work wonders on your fishy, oily face. It will clear up your acne as we know you are so spotty, whatever you have left over…you can feed to the kids for tea, it really is that healthy you sea.
Believe me this O-ME-GOSH3 promotes peace & harmony ,will stop you becoming too spotty,and feeds the kids healthily.
Sea You in Soho
Suzi SueShe
April 12th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
hey Doc…is it true that your O-ME-GOSH3 Remedy can really cure my acne, send me into orgasmic ecstasy and feed the kids for free?
Can you ask Suzi to send some to me?
April 12th, 2007 at 5:20 pm
hey Doc…can it also feed my seed and make it grow into weed at lightning speed………..???
Send me some of your O-ME-GOSH3 and i will put it on my seed and sea.
Seed you in Salford-by-the-Sea
CodPeace & Light
Billy
April 12th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
Dear Doc..can you send some O-ME-GOSH3…Original Oily Recipe to me ….I have been feeling a bit blue…and spotty too
thanks for the fish
Blue
April 12th, 2007 at 11:26 pm
VB hates being called Vicky. Try reading her auto-biog
Learning to Fly.
April 13th, 2007 at 2:19 am
i cant read shite…and vicky cant write…….and if that tit ever really does learn to fly and becomes a pilot…then f*ck flying to Miami for my hols…..I’m staying safe at home with my feet firmly on the ground in Sunny Salford-by-the Sea.
Peace & Harmony
Billy