Angelina Jolie’s ‘Web Of Lies’
“ANGELINA’S WEB OF LIES,” announces the Enquirer’s front page.
Lies? Can it be that Angelina Jolie’s’s favourite word is not “Lemsip” and, as we have read in countless other oranges of record, her second best colour ever (in the whole wide world) is orange? Did she never mean the “Best wishes” she assigned to a picture proffered by Old Mr Anorak’s nurse?
These are lies told as exclamations. “!” (About Jen); “!” (OTHER LOVERS); “!” (HER FUTURE WITH BRAD!).
“Angelina has been caught telling a big lie to Brad about his ex, Jen – and it’s just one stand in a web of deceit Angelina has been weaving about her twisted double life,” says the magazine of repute.
The shock of shocks is that Angelina will not be all that willing to sit down with Jennifer Aniston, for it is ever she, and “couldn’t bear even the idea!” of meeting Brad Pitt’s former lover and wife.
And what of the children? A source says Angelina only spends a few hours with the children all day. “As soon as she sees camera,” says this insider, “Angie grabs a kid.”
Which might explain how she came to adopt three children – were they just close by when the command “Action!” was issued?
November 1st, 2007 at 7:32 pm
So what will she do if one of her kids ever wants to take a picture of her?
November 1st, 2007 at 8:20 pm
is that our Torri? Anoraks own?
November 4th, 2007 at 2:18 am
ANORAK, YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IN YOUR LIFE WORTH MENTIONING.
I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BITTER EX WIFE’S CLUBS WRITING WEBSITES BECAUSE THEY HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO WITH THEMSELVES.
TELL ME ONE THING THAT jen HAS EVER DONE TO THE HUMAN RACE.
AT LEAST ANGIE AND BRAD ARE DOING SOMETHING FOR CHILDREN AROUND THE GLOBE. BEFORE YOU WRITE SOMETHING STUPID THINK TWICE.
ps FUCK OFF
November 4th, 2007 at 2:54 am
Well, first of all, this is a satire site that keeps ‘tabs on the tabloids’, so if you are that upset, it may be better to direct your frustration to The National Enquirer (as this is their story).
Secondly, I’m sure a good number of people have done something in their lives worth mentioning (most won’t have the resources these stars do though). Anyway, you get more bees with honey, so a better way to do this would be to praise the writing ability of others who contribute to the stories/entries on this site, in order to attempt a wooing.
Jen is involved in a few charities. You seem to support Brad or at least Angelina’s taste and choice of Brad, and therefore have to assume he isn’t a complete idiot and that his partners are generally good souls like himself and his current partner, right?
November 4th, 2007 at 3:25 am
“ANORAK, YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE IN YOUR LIFE WORTH MENTIONING” Oooh. someone needs an afternoon nap!
November 19th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
Keep it up — you are just telling the truth — a lie is a lie no matter in what country — even the United Nations can see thru lies. People get a life Angie and Brad are not Saints — not IN ANY MEANS