Jordan’s Surgery Nightmares: I Spy Cosmetic Surgery
“JORDAN – ‘MY SURGERY NIGHTMARE’.”
Is this nightmare:
a) The surgeon runs out of air bags and is forced to improvise using a rubber glove and some helium, which causes Jordan to have to be held down by guy ropes?
b) Trapped in a lift with Noel Edmonds and Anthea Turner, Jordan is forced to flirt with the beaded Deal Or No Deal presenter and praise Turner for her linen?
c) Scabies?
It turns out that the answer is d) – none of above, and Jordan’s nightmare is to endure “DROOPY BOOBS”.
Says Jordan: “My words to my doctor were: ‘I want to go a lot smaller. And I want nipples like a teenager.”
No nipples are on show, and we are unable to judge. And looking at teenage nipples is something best not done on a work PC, unless you are a teenager and can peek at your own or those of a close friend.
But soon we are involved in a game of I Spy Cosmetic Surgery. Yesterday, we played with Mariah Carey. Today, Jordan smiles and make us guess what is new and what is older.
At a push we’d say she’s had her teeth one, her hair done, her nose done, her eyes done, her breasts done, her skin done, her boobs redone, and some tucking.
Jordan admits to the “teef” and the “foobs”, and adds: “The other thing I actually had done out there was my teeth – no one spotted that, did they?”
We did. And the cheek implants. No, says Jordan,. “I think I must have just still been a bit swollen from the nose job.”
Something of a bonus, then.
“Gaybeeesh,” says Jordan through her new veneers. “Gow gesst got elshk I’ve ‘ad dun?”
OK! A chemical peel?
Jordan: No
OK!: A facelift
Jordan: No way
Jordan: “I just love that feeling of going under. I was saying: ‘I’m almost under – you’re all disappearing. I can feel it,’ and I was laughing. Then I was gone!”
Only to return - poof! – smaller, lighter, sharper and more orange than ever…
February 6th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Didn’t she say she was going to become a born again virgin courtesy of a certain surgical female procedure??
Or maybe she just meant a lobotomy that would make her forget her past?
(Gee I really must get out of the work dispacement mode in which I find myself today!)
February 6th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
How the hell can you love the feeling of going under with the effects of general anaesthetic??
Tell that shite to a cancer patient thinking it could be their last breath. Does she not realise how dangerous a G.A is , silly woman??? She must be one serious sado masochist if she loves the feeling of a mask being held over her face and a big needle being pushed into the back of her hand. W.T.F!!!