Kerry Katona Is Crazy In Love For Jeremy Kyle, The Movie
“HEAT VISITS Kerry Katona (and Mark, who hides upstairs).”
Kerry Katona, a shoo-in for numerous walk-on parts in Jeremy Kyle: The Movie, is stood before her house. heat’s writer “isn’t sure if she’s a welcome guest.”
Readers see the double garages, the sports car and the paved driveway. And if they peer around Kerry, they can see the front door. It’s closed.
“Let’s not pretend here: Kerry does not like heat magazine,” says heat magazine. Kerry has bought an Alsatian dog. She has a husband heat has labelled “intimidating”.
Kerry and Mark have been in Madeira filming a section for the MTV show Crazy In Love. heat says Kerry did not emerge from her hotel room for four days. Love and especially Crazy Love can do that to you.
Perhaps this is why heat cannot focus, revealing straight off that Kerry’s home features a gravel driveway. But the picture, we splutter. It’s a herringbone pattern in block paving. gut no-one listens…
Inside With Kerry
A ring on the door, which heat correctly identifies. A wait. A “stern-yet-friendly” woman called Pat opens the door. She’s Kerry’s stepsister, employed to do the cleaning.
“The house is spotless, a bit like an MFI showroom,” albeit without the glamour. “I heart mum,” says a message scrawled in crayon on the fridge. heat says it’s the work of one of Kerry’s children, but can it be certain?
More messages are writ on a whiteboard: “Baby scan”, “School disco”, “Dog trainer”, all staging posts on the celebrity journey. Add “Rehab” and you have the making of a How To Celebrity guide.
Getting Over Kerry
Katona appears. “She all we go and get his over with?” she says. She then calls the papers “arseholes”. Kerry has eight tattoos, including “Heidi”, the name of one of her daughters, on her neck.
Kerry tells us that she’s not “showbiz”. Which make us wonder why anyone ever thought she was and how come she came to be a celebrity?
heat then recalls a moment on an MTV show in which Kerry was “in the garden with your dog and you’re gurning and sniffing”. Kerry, who made a name of herself sticking out her tongue, responds: “I was doing this, wasn’t I? [Makes a sideways motion with her chin.] I do it constantly. I’ve even got a chipped tooth from doing it.”
Very soon everybody will be doing it. And what then for Kerry?
Kerry leans her head on her right hand. Good. But is it enough?
February 12th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Enough already, she’s won! Scummy mummy of the year!
February 12th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Professional Gurning? Is there such a thing?
Seems like the ideal next career move for Kerry.
February 13th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
pleeeeeeeeeeease make her go away!!!!!!!!!!
February 18th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Am i the only one who doesn’t think it’s normal for her jaw to be constantly guning, showing signs of taking cocaine…….. or am i just being silly…..?!?!!!!
February 25th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
arrrggghhhhhh i hate that woman!!!! i didnt think much of her before but after watching her show last nite she makes me sick!!!!
her poor dog, she didnt want it anymore so she just got rid of it like one of her massive used manky bras. poor thing, i hope it goes to a better home.
and as for saying she can never say never bout doing drugs when shes sitting there pregnant, what a loser!!!!
get a grip love. good luck, u seriously need it.
March 14th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Has anyone heard the recent Iceland easter adverts broadcast on the radio ? They sound as if Kerry Katona has her tongue lolling around in the gutter, where presumably the rest of her body is. It is so appalling - you can hear her clearly slurring her words, sounding totally off her head either on drugs or drink. Whoever sanctioned the broadcasting off these ads should be sacked! Iceland obviously think their consumers are clearly in denial re Ms Katona’s much publicised off/on screen antics and we don’t really care whether we buy products from a retailer who funds her debauched lifestyle or have to endure the painful parody of a disturbed individual in the patronising adverts trying to portray some semblance of happy family life. This woman is clear reflection of low culture expectations. Someone needs to chop off her husband’s head - he is soooo bloody ugly! She is a total scroat and a disgrace.