Barbie’s Doll: Helen Mirren Is The Cocaine Queen
HOW does HRH Helen Mirren keep her figure?
Says Helen Mirren in GQ:
“I loved coke. I never did a lot, just a bit at parties.”
Of course, cocaine does not always get you the part, nor does it always make your breasts grow, your hips stay slim-yet-shapely and your hair turn blonde.
But might it help?
Says Dame Helen: “Dope always made me feel miserable and paranoid and unhappy.”
One wonders if the Queen could learn from her alter ego, and have a word with her youngest scions, or dye here hair?
But if the cocaine was good, why did Mirren stop taking it?
“But what ended it for me was when they caught Klaus Barbie, the Butcher of Lyon, in the early eighties.”
Was he her dealer?
“He was hiding in South America and living off the proceeds of being a cocaine baron. And I read that in the paper, and all the cards fell into place and I saw how my little sniff of cocaine at a party had an absolute direct route to this horrible man in South America.”
Jeez! How much was Mirren paying for her coke?
September 1st, 2008 at 10:01 am
Cue: I’m just waiting for the man…
September 1st, 2008 at 10:50 am
missed a good headline there ‘klaus barbie supplied me with coke’
September 1st, 2008 at 1:21 pm
I too was appalled to discover that Klaus Barbie was supplying my coke, so I switched to Pol Pot for my supplies instead, only he buggered off with all my cash and left we with twelve tonnes of Ajax scouring powder. You just can’t trust these war criminals, can you?
September 1st, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Diversification is the name of the losing game; if Klaus Barbie had stuck with his core skills he’d still be going strong.
But no; he had to get the management consultants in…
September 1st, 2008 at 1:47 pm
I’m surprised he made any money at all. He was famed for his ‘two-for-one’ deals at the camps.
September 1st, 2008 at 1:53 pm
….smokin’…….
September 1st, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Aw, f**k, that was Mengele. I always get them mixed up. Kind of explains why the kid’s didn’t like those Mengele dolls I got them for Christmas.
September 1st, 2008 at 2:02 pm
I was wondering why it boasted ‘real working forceps’ on the boxes
September 1st, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Saddam had the best smack I ever tasted. Shame he’s dead…
September 1st, 2008 at 3:15 pm
You see?
If Saddam had stuck to genocide instead of diversifying into Sharia-acceptable methods of getting high, he would still be gassing Kurds…
September 1st, 2008 at 3:48 pm
…and if Idi Amin hadn’t used such unusual quality control methods when testing the ‘King O’ Scotland’ non-slip-grip hammers he’d branched out into.. There should be a Despot’s Advice Line. Payment in gold bars or looted artworks only. Head Office. Washington D.C., Americastan
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Sorry, but using coke does NOT give you a great figure - just ask Whitney Houston.
December 9th, 2008 at 10:36 am
ONE SHOULDN’T REALY BLAME THE DRUG DEALERS WHEN THE TRUTH IS KNOWN MOST OF THEM ARE JUST AS MUCH A SLAVE AS THE ADDICTS IF NOT AS MUCH OF A SLAVE OF THE SO CALLED BARBIE DOLL MAKERS WHO LIKE TO IMPLANT POEPLE WITH TECHNOLOGY AND TORTURE THEM AFTER HYPNOTISING THEM TO LOOK LIKE THE BAD GUYS OR FORCCING THEM INTO PROSTITUTION OR WORSE…SUCH AS MURDER AND SUICIDE ITS AN EVIL TRUTH BUT SOMEONES GOT TO TELL IT.