NOT only is Joan Collins alive but she is talking to BlackBook Magazine. Says Joan:

“Our civilization has become extremely dumbed down, with shorter attention spans. All they want are sound bites. The tabloid magazines are the same every week. People has the same cover as InTouch as OK! as Us Weekly as Star magazine. They’re exactly the same! It must be 100 to 120 people you read about all the time. They are appealing to a young audience, or a rather dumb audience.”

Fresh blood is needed. So here’s glamour model Alicia Douvall talking of her 13-year-old daughter in Closer magazine:

Georgia wrote a little birthday wish-list for her 13th birthday later this month and on it was Kate Moss perfume, an iPhone and a boob job.

(more…)

JENNIFER LOPEZ, aka Jenny who owns the block, has lost loadsa weight since giving birth two twins.

Running up and down the stairs all day, feeding two children, washing their clothes and keeping them in nannies sure does scorch those calories.

Says the Mail: “New mum J-Lo loses 40 pounds in four weeks with aid of gruelling workouts.”

Mums may well nod.

(more…)

COLEEN McLoughlin has been busy.

Much of the McLouhglin week is condensed into a single page in Closer magazine. The highlights:

“I wore this outfit when I went to a hair salon in Liverpool to have my extensions tightened”

“I really like shirt with jeans and I think the look is smart but casual”

“I had such a lovely holiday in Barbados”

“I bought a Matthew Williamson scarf… it’s pastel coloured with a map on it”

Phew!

Now Coleen hot foots it OK!, where she appears on the cover with the Wagtastic Alex Curran and Sheree Kewell.

The conversation inevitably moves on from plate tectonics to Cheryl and Ashley Cole, whom Sheree hopes can “move on”.

The other topic of chatter is Sheree’s baby shower.

There are baby Dior outfits, designer berets and diamond-encrusted dummies. Says Sheree: “I have nothing left to buy.”

How they must have roared with laughter at Sheree’s little joke. More on that next week…

THE appearance of Amy Winehouse’s father Mitch in Closer – the “UK’s No.1 CELEB & REAL LIFE MAG” – throws up a thorny issue of if he is a CELEB or a REAL LIFER?

Or can you achieve the impossible dream and be both a CELEB and REAL? Few dare to try.

Mitch blurs the distinction by telling us that he is “cautiously optimistic” for his daughter’s chances of recovery in rehab.

Mitch is happy that Kelly Osbourne, daughter to Sharon, with whom Mitch talks a lot, is around to help.

As Mitch says of professional Osbourne Kelly: “She and her brother Jack have both had issues with drugs, so they’re wonderful support.” If you can’t rely on a reformed drug taker, who can you rely on?

Mitch then says Sadie Frost has offered to help Amy. And he has received a call from Roger Daltry, the popstar-turned-fish farmer.

Do the name checks burnish Mitch’s reputation as the country’s most famous cabbie since Fred Housego took the Mastermind title in 1980?
Or is Mitch a real person, asking us “Do you know who I had in the back of my cab?” and offering up “Amy Winehouse, the popular chanteuse”..?

“JORDAN’S suicide agony over divorce threats.”

Once more we are forced to wonder if celebrity magazines are a suicide cult?

Closer magazine (“The UK’s No.1 CELEB & REAL LIFE MAG – and who would have guessed this chalk and cheese combination would work?) looks at the glamour model.

“WASTING AWAY!” screams the headline. Katie Andre, as she is now fashioned is more being trimmed than wasted, reducing her gargantuan Jordans to a more manageable size.

“PETE FEARS JORDAN IS HOOKED ON PILLS,” says another headline, adding another layer of polemic to the allegations of her being wasted.

“As Jordan’s post-surgery pain leaves her unable to eat, she demands powerful drugs to numb her agony.”

Closer says it is “believed” Jordan’s has not dropped in weight to below 7st. Can all of her apparent weight lose be attributed to problems eating, suicidal thoughts, a cry for help or shedding so much of her former self?

Questions and more questions…