Spotter: Viral Viral Videos

“It’s like going to a clothing store and buying a pair of socks and going back and saying by the way it wasn’t socks that I needed, what I really wanted was shoes. So I’m just going take these, I’m gonna format shift from socks to shoes and I’m not gonna pay anything because it was all for my feet.”

D’yer see? You buy a chicken sandwich but at home put the chicken in a different kind of bread. That’s theft! You buy raw food and cook it. Theft! You buy a magazine, rip out a photo and stick it your bedroom wall. Theft! You drink the bath water? Theft!!

You’re all criminals. All of you…

Spotter:Torrent Freak

The Prince is honorary president of the Goon Show Preservation Society, and is never slow to display his own unique brand of humour. This month, he sportingly performed the weather forecast for BBC Scotland, and leavened the somewhat somber report with a few light-hearted, off-the-cuff remarks.

Nothing new there. Indeed, as early as 1970, the new Prince of Wales was entertaining Cambridge audiences as a weather forecaster in a Trinity College revue, ‘Quiet Flows The Don’.

He also played an angler who catches a fish so large that it pulls him across the stage. The Prince’s comical cries will live long in the memory of those fortunate enough to have seen the footage, which is sadly unavailable on the internet. But pictures give a tantalising glimpse of the action…

And when he wasn’t fishing, he showed his versatility as a good old-fashioned song-and-dance man…

A year previously, Charles had joined the legendary Cambridge University Footlights Dramatic Club, which over the years has launched dozens of comedians, including Peter Cook, John Bird, half of Monty Python, Stephen Fry, Sacha Baron Cohen, and Armstrong & Miller.

While the Prince was studying at Cambridge, the Footlights were forbidden from making jokes bout him. Instead, the Prince made jokes about other people. People such as the Cambridge bin men, whom he ‘sent up’ while dressed in a cap and muffler and sat in a dustbin.

The 1960s satire boom was all very well, but the madcap Goons remained Charles’s true love. So much so that he has been known to give public renditions of ‘Ying Tong Song’ (performed here in its original version)…

Before long, the Prince was able to fully avail himself of the perks of his position, and appear with his heroes. This clip – captioned ‘Silly Productions Present’ and ‘A H.R.H. film’ – was a contribution to the Goons from the early 1970s, filmed while serving with the RAF.

From then on, he could often be found in the company of Spike and the boys…

In 1980, he took time out to publish his whimsically zany children’s story for junior Goons, The Old Man of Lochnagar, and read it to the nation on Jackanory…

His support for the Goons has never wavered: he was always on hand to provide a foreword here and an accolade there. And how was His Royal Highness’s patronage received by Milligan? His response to yet another personal tribute speaks volumes…

Reflecting upon his intemperate comment afterwards, Milligan faxed Charles: ‘I suppose a knighthood is out of the question now?’

But he underestimated the Happy Prince, who duly arranged for the Irish citizen (Milligan refused to swear the oath of allegiance necessary to obtain a British passport) to receive a foreigners’ Honorary Knighthood at the age of 82.

Midway through the ceremony Milligan suddenly asked: ‘Do you know there are no dry cleaners in Peru? I thought the statistic would interest you.’

And the Prince chuckled happily.

A BRIT holidaymaker claims child-snatchers tried to grab her son in a copy of the Madeleine McCann abduction.

We journey to Gumbet resort near Bodrum, Turkey. There:

Diane Charlton said two intruders were discovered inside his hotel room and half-naked Cameron, 12, was standing in the hallway.

So. Madeleine McCann was kidnapped by two intruders while she was half-naked.

The man and woman had dismantled the door lock to get in.

Hope the Met are taking notes. It was a man and woman. They took the door to pieces. Go on:

Says Diana of that night. Her mother was in the room with the not-kidnapped boy:

“She saw a woman in the room and realised Cameron wasn’t in his bed. He’d been forced out and was stood outside the door of the room in his boxer shorts. When we woke up and saw what was happening, they must have just run off.”

They were going to kidnap a 12-year-old boy, who was standing by the room to his door? It sounds like an alarming and unsetting incident. But kidnap?

Says Lawton:

Hotel bosses tried to convince her the woman intruder could have been a maid.

Was it? We don’t know. Diane seems to have an idea:

“We have no idea why they targeted Cameron. He’s 12 but looks a lot younger.”

Did they target him? Turkish police are investigating.

Still, know we know what happened in Portugal five years ago. Only, this time no child went missing. Still, every bit helps to find the missing child. Thanks, Jerry.

Note: the story is take from the Sunderland Echo, in which Mrs Charlton recounts her son’s ordeal. At not tim does she mentioned ‘Our Maddie’. What she said was:

“I told everything to the staff at the hotel, but all they said was that the woman could have been the maid. The maid at one in the morning? I couldn’t believe it. It looked as if they had dismantled the lock on the door. There were bits and pieces all over the floor and we never found part of the handle.”

How does one woman’s story about a strange incident in Turkey become about a missing child in Portugal? Answer: when the Daily Star get hold of it.

More to follow…

Anyway, one of the massage therapists who accused John Travolta of sexually assaulting him at the Beverly Hills Hotel has hired super high-profile attorney Gloria Allred to represent him. This is interesting because this comes just one day after he withdrew from a lawsuit filed by another lawyer. Thought Travolta was off-the-hook? Seems not.

“We are in the process of conferring with him regarding the next steps, which he may wish to take,” Allred said. Of course, the original suit is still pending, but now, it involves just one male therapist who says he got groped up.

Attorney Okorie Okorocha, who filed the lawsuit last week talking about burgers and the length of Travolta’s wang, dropped John Doe #1 from the complaint Tuesday because of confusion over the date of the alleged incident. Travolta’s rep, Mr Singer, said: ”We fully expect that my client will similarly be vindicated with respect to Doe #2, as well as with respect to any other person who makes meritless claims against John Travolta.”

That dismissal was “without prejudice, which means that he is still legally entitled to file a lawsuit against John Travolta if he chooses,” Allred retorted. Okorocha, now solely dealing with John Doe #2. He says: ”I can guarantee that John Doe #2 has a truckload of witnesses to back up what he’s saying.” This particular case is backed up by a series of e-mails in which the plaintiff complains to his supervisor about Travolta’s advances, Okorocha said.

“I think I can show a custom, habit and practice,” Okorocha said. ”If I bring in 100 people that don’t have an axe to grind, don’t want any money, they’re in 50 different states, they don’t know each other, they’re all massage therapists, they all have dates, they’re at different spa resorts and they say this exact same thing happened, it’s pretty hard to refute.”

Things are heating up.

A 24-year-old man was in Bury when two men approached. The duo have East European accents. They are offering to sell a laptop for £150. They show the device. The man looks it over and agrees to buy it. He gets the cash from the bank and is handed the bag. The vendors drive off. The man opens the bag and – get this – it’s full of spuds. More pomme de terre than Apple Mac.

Recently, a 19-year-old was also conned. He paid £660 for an iPhone and laptop. He was given a bottle of coke in a bag.

Detective Constable Michelle Wilkinson from the Economic Crime Desk tells all media:

“Please be mindful that if you are approached by anyone who are selling electrical goods it is highly likely they have been stolen and by buying the goods, you will also be breaking the law by handling stolen items.”

Do you think the potatoes were nicked?

But with a good wind and a tall player up front, England can do as well as ever they did (oh no!).

The full team England is: Joe Hart, Rob Green, John Ruddy; Glen Johnson, Phil Jones, John Terry, Joleon Lescott, Gary Cahill, Ashley Cole, Leighton Baines; Theo Walcott, Stewart Downing, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Steven Gerrard, Gareth Barry, Frank Lampard, Scott Parker, Ashley Young, James Milner; Jermain Defoe, Wayne Rooney, Danny Welbeck, Andy Carroll.

Captain is Steven Gerrard. Hate figure is John Terry. Just there for the Duty Free is Andy Carroll.

Hurrah!

Every team needs a song. So here’s an oldies but a goodie. Take it away Jimmy Greaves:

A disgruntled client who paid a bill with £800 of loose change after a row with his accountant has been ordered to pay his debt ‘properly’ by a court judge.

And then the cock up The Guardian made of it:

A care home manager has been fined £1,118.62 after he settled an £804 debt to his accountant with five crates of mostly 1p and 2p coins. He had been to the bank especially, he said: be glad that you weren’t behind him in the queue. So what did Robert Fitzpatrick, the care home manager, do wrong?

He didn’t do anything wrong and he’s not been fined.

The point is about legal tender: small coins are only legal tender up to certain amouts: 20 p for 1 p coins for example. But what the Guardian has got wrong, having got that part right, is that you do not have to pay your bills in legal tender. That’s why the bloke hasn’t been fined.

You can try to pay your bills in absolutely anything you damn well like: take this nice painting as settlement? Lovely puppy I’ve got here? Case of wine? If the other bloke accepts then your debt is paid. If he doesn’t then it ain’t.

The point about legal tender is that if you pay it in legal tender they must accept it. If they refuse legal tender then your debt is still paid even though you’ve not actually paid anything at all.

So, what’s actually happened is that the client offered to pay in not legal tender. The accountant refused. And the judge has said that the client will have to try paying the debt again and added a few court costs on top for his troubles.

Oh, and the client gets his £800 in pennies back as well.

His column is entitled:

“Enough cosy inefficiency. Go for liberation”

He writes:

“The scaremongering must stop: this is not police privatisation but a chance to stop wasting expensive officers’ time.”

Lord Ian is a big supporter of farming out police work to private companies. He assures the masses:

“There is now a whole series of disciplines that are carried out better and more cost-effectively by non-police officers…The fears being expressed about the private sector are entirely misplaced.”

At no point does he explain that this column is pretty much an advertorial. BlueLight Global Solutions offers “the full spectrum of operational and business support to police forces and law enforcement agencies, justice and security organisations”.

Good to see the press talking truth to power…

A reader writes from the US:

No wonder they haven’t found Kyron in all most two years…I question just how much time they truly have devoted to finding Kyron? Is that the reason they kept leaking stories to the Oregon Live and kept the parents pointing the finger at Terri Hormon [the child's step-mother and last person known to have seen Kyron] non-stop – they didn’t know what they hell they were doing or even truly devoting much time. (Can’t believe Maxine Bernstein actually broke a story unfavorable to her buddies.)

After the biased reporting, rubbish police work and accusations, the story runs:

A Multnomah County sheriff’s lieutenant this week filed a federal whistle-blower lawsuit against the sheriff’s office, alleging he was retaliated against after he complained that a chief deputy had fabricated documents to obtain state certification.

An attorney for Brett Elliott contends that Elliott was demoted from captain to lieutenant, denied FBI-related training and placed in a job formerly held by clerical workers after he raised questions in 2009 about then-Chief Deputy Tim Moore’s state certification.

So the local police force investigating Kyron’s vanishing have bene experiencing troubles.

The 400 aides were nicked some time between 9 and 10 May 2012.

Kylie Jones, 24, tells media:

“I’m not seeing their logic in terms of why they would want to steal them.”

Kylie’s dad, Nigel, owns the business that sells the masturbations aides – devices still oddly called “toys”.

Yep, they were not for personal use, m’lud. He says:

“If they manage to sell them then I would give them a job.”

Would you buy a dildo form man in the pub, nudge-nudge, w*nk, w*nk?

Mr Jones adds:

“You need a licence to sell online, you can’t sell on eBay and you can’t take them to a Cash Converters. I reckon they’ve just been dumped. I don’t know what goes on in their heads.”

Might it be that the thief or thieves stole the item to negate the embarrassment of buying them? Given the option of buying artificial sex tools – vibrator, pornographic DVD or blow-up doll – or stealing one, many adolescent boys would turn to crime. Our survey says as many as 98% would steal, with only one lad saying that his dad owns a newsagents, where he works stacking shelves at night while stood on a tall crate…

Previously, back in 2010, workmen in Melbourne punctured another Banksy rat with a pipe.

It’s becoming a signature look.

But is it art..?

1. Banksy v Robbo – when graffiti artists battle – photos
   
2. Banksy’s London Art - photos
3. Spotter: Stonnington Leader:

stan-lee-fantastic-four

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Picture 2 of 13

Spotter: Movie Miscellany

LAST Night’s TV: Rinsing Guys – Channel 4:

MANIPULATION for gain is not a modern invention. Snake Oil vendors flogged bottles of nothing to people with bold claims and got the fresh hell out of town before anyone could hand them their sorry arses. Advertising executives have manipulated people for years, but even they’d argue that they were providing some kind of tangible service to the world.

However, more brazen than a bagful of fighting parrots are the women featured in Sex Lies And Rinsing Guys – Channel 4′s latest attempt to goad their entire audience into apoplectic rage about a group of people who are in no way indicative of people at large.

These gals, Danica, Hollie and Jeanette, go about their lives ostensibly exploiting needy, emotionally retarded men in exchange for hugely expensive watches (that somehow still look like something won at a fair) and terrifyingly ugly designer shoes. Now, to those crying “WHY, THAT’S MERE PROSTITUTION!”, you’d be a little off the mark and that’s because these ladies don’t even go to first base with their clients.

Of course, to a degree, all humans use their wily charms to attain certain things – be it lending a tenner off someone, lying in a job interview or generally flirting with the boss in the hope of a payrise. However, the transaction that takes place isn’t usually one based on undiluted contempt for the other end of the bargain, which is what appears to be the case here.

Oddly, these three ladies (Danica somewhat less-so than Hollie and Jeanette) seem to have an astonishingly vile attitude toward men. Now, as …Rinsing Guys is a series, we may find out the dreadful personal reasons why that is, but until then, we can only go off the facts. And the facts are this – these women think their subjects are stupid and, therefore, should be exploited at every turn. Men are not worth worrying about because, in their eyes, they deserve it. Of course, the irony here is that, if men are too stupid to notice they’re being manipulated, then, in turn, these girls are far too stupid to realise that they’re also being manipulated by Channel 4 into appearing on television and looking for all the world like greedy ogres. Naturally, the viewers is utterly manipulated by the edit and narrative arc of the show, but it is difficult to feel anything other than bilious rage when faced with a couple of women treating other humans with such vicious contempt.

The underlying tone with their approach (or, in one instance, overlying tone) is that they are something akin to a dominatrix, ruthlessly taking what they want from men who enjoy being browbeaten into giving gifts. The transaction is one way (although, amazingly, Danica suggests that people have taken more from her than she has ever got in return, which seems incredibly unlikely for someone who has done little more than flirt online and update her Amazon wishlist) with any sort of affection coming to a screeching halt when in need of return (one man is heard cooing “I bet I love you more than you love me”, which is met with a patronising “Byeee!”).

You see, the fundamental exchange between a dominatrix and her subservient is that there’s an understood relationship which is based on a peculiar trust and fantasy of roleplay. The dom doesn’t despise her client, rather, joins into a fantasy world created by those taking part. These girls are merely using men and sneering at them. And that’s what so very hard to stomach.

While there’s an obvious sleight-of-hand by all television shows, there’s no hiding from the fact that it isn’t good to see two women snap that the men buying them gifts are ‘stupid’ or ‘idiots’. More to the point, if any of these men watched this show, they’ll hopefully be appalled at such brazen wankery and stop showering them with the things these women so badly crave – attention and handbags.

And this isn’t a sad indictment of modern Britain because most people aren’t like this. This isn’t even a judgement call on people who are materialistic. This is simply calling bullshit on those who treat anyone with unswerving contempt and bitterness and turn it into gain. However, television has a habit of transforming young (and clearly vulnerable) women into minor, overnight z-list celebrities, which is effectively throwing them to the baying pack. While these girls have shown uncomfortable, unbearable and savage behaviour, it’s nothing compared to what the media whirlpool has waiting for them.

All in all, this programme was designed to create discomfort in your living room at the expense of absolutely everyone participating or viewing. The real rinsers are Channel 4.

Photos of the vixens here.