IF the Northern Rock predictions of the last five months here in Anorak didn't get you, here's one which have the average Anorakian reaching for the angry phrase book.
TESCOS...one of the largest profit-making companies in Britain with a huge lead over its hyper-market rivals wants to charge you more for your booze.
Get you where it hurts? This is the company which probably dispenses more alcohol than ANY other company in Britain and it wants to hike prices.
The company says it's asking to be able to do this, in concert with all other oulets, to protect the innocents abroad...the drinkers.
It wants to make more profit while claiming it's doing it's bit to stop Britain's Binge Drinking Boom.
No, I don't see where it benefits anyone other than Tescos, but, the supermarket giant is to urge the Government to introduce a law banning the sale of cut-price alcohol.
A spokesman for the firm confirmed a report in The Daily Telegraph it now supported legislation to ensure "responsible pricing" of alcohol and alcohol promotions.
The move comes amid widespread concern about the problems of binge-drinking and alcohol-fuelled crime and disorder.
Tesco argues that the issue can only be dealt with through Government action as the supermarkets are barred by competition laws from taking action together to raise prices, while customers would simply go elsewhere if they acted unilaterally.
That's neat because it will take out another area of competition ...the discount alcohol corner shops which are already struggling to stay above bankruptcy because of supermarket loss leader campaigns?
So go on! Be ahead of the pack...get out there and empty the Tesco shelves. Stock up NOW. Prices are going up; Tescos' says so. Quick!! Get it at the cheap rate before the prices are hiked.
You should also plunder shelves at, Asda, Morrisons, Sainsburys, Waitrose and any independent multis you can think off. Don't forget to stop Victoria Wines making a profit out of Tesco legislation. I mean, Tesco is only acting in your best interests. Tescos will be rushing a bill through the Houses of Profit under the emergency powers granted under the Supermarket Doublespeak Act 2008.
Tesco MPfts were not available for comment. They are said to be meeting Northern Rock Trust Directors on a tasting tour of the Euro vineyards.
It is slightly disturbing when I realise we shop at Tescos. They analyse our purchases and send us money-off tokens. Do they start to send us more tokens for booze when sales drop off?
I do not drink alcohol at all these days but I will fight to the dregs for the right to watch others fall off bar stools. The answer is not pricing. Booze is significantly cheaper through the rest of Europe and these problems do not exist.
Education is the answer...and perhaps a bit of parental guidance and the odd bit of judicially applied gratuitous and unnecessary violence.
I went out and played rugby, cricket and many team sports. I got got blotto with my team mates on Saturdays. We were fit, immensely strong young men, we would brook no nonsense, but when a bobby told us us to bugger off home we did so meekly and without a hint of back-chat.
We were perhaps better disciplined but there was NEVER trouble and we got home safely. Almost all of us grew out of it. Some died; some didn't get very much older but that was life and circumstances not booze. Life still has a way of culling, no matter what nanny measures are in place.
Here's a cracking phrase for 2008 Tesco Team Talk Time.
Riches through Responsibility... the Tesco Check Out and Up