Maurice Fox 77 received a letter from Kirkham Street Sports and Social Club in Paignton about his overly-qudible flatulence, asking him to go outside when necessary.
He said "its only a little bit of wind- it doesn't really hurt anyone". I think someone has complained about the noise. I am a loud farter, but there's no smell, I have given up the Cider and have started on Bass (atype of beer).
Anorak Forums » Backlash
Farting
(24 posts)-
Posted 1 year ago #
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I'm told that statement "no smell" has caused his GP to recommend an urgent operation on his olfactory organ.
When Maurice broke wind the populace turned green, retched and fled.Posted 1 year ago # -
Harry farted in the vets the other day, we all backed away, even he was keen to escape it....
Has maurice's GP recommended anything for his bowel and STOMACH.....
Posted 1 year ago # -
He might look like a cutie .......
But, don't be fooled.
'Wee Rab' is a dirty wee bugger. He keeps doing these sneaky silent farts. There is no warning sound. Nothing to alert you to the danger. Mrs D, who's sense of smell is more acute than mine, is usually the first to notice.......
'Which one of you b*stards has got the smelly a*se - you or the dog?'
She's got a 'way with words' has Mrs D. Comes from having attended one of those expensive private fee-paying schools when she was a lass .......
until she was expelled for throwing another girl down the main stairway at the school - resulting in a broken leg and a pair of very irate parents!
Posted 1 year ago # -
Sometimes the Princess Royal's vocabulary extends to her dads style.....
Posted 1 year ago # -
and she went to Roedean. My late godmother, (she did a cracking job on me)went to Cheltenham Ladies College....
Posted 1 year ago # -
I'll name that tune in one!
Posted 1 year ago # -
I wish I had attended a ladies college/finishing school/girls'academy or whatever, I could have used lessons in speech, etiquette and deportment. Mind you, I shall try my best to be lady like and poised during the challenge, it won't be easy!
Posted 1 year ago # -
Mic's First Law of Farting clearly articulates the fact that the louder the fart, the less smelly it is.
This manifests itself most recognisably in the converse of this law, where it is an undeniable truth that the really smelly ones are silent.Stated in a mathematical context, and referencing the laws of energy conservation, this can be written thus:-
Fart energy = Effluvial energy x Audible energy
Therefore, for any given Fart Energy, as Effluvial energy tends towards infinity, the audible energy of the fart tends towards zero.
The world's leading mathematicians in conjunction with renowned zoologists. are currently investigating the incorporation of the Canine Constant into the above equation.
This research has been commissioned by dog owners worldwide who are keen to understand more about the fact that silent doggy ones smell worse than silent human ones.
Popular belief that this was down to the fact that dogs eat more shit than humans has been rubbished in the more serious science journals, following the opening of more McDonalds outlets throughout the UK.
Posted 1 year ago # -
My dogs eat an very expensive quality meat based diet, they have fresh water to drink: Henry's digestive system is well behaved, he has regular habist and he can be taken anywhere. Ranald is linked to the local sewage system and befouls the air with his emissions fairly frequently, oddly he eats lavender plants and this helps to control it. Harry is a terrier and bloody hell terriers and their guts oh phwoarrrrr give us some air please, what is with terriers, did they invent farting?
Posted 1 year ago # -
I just want to go on record that my wolves don't fart, not at all and they barely poop, something to do with the economy of resources, have to save every itsy bitsy bit of internal energy for future use - never know when a famine is on the horizon.
Now people farts are another thing, and in my town I am legend, and not even Pitty can match the foul ones emitting from my hind end (note I did not use fanny - see I'm learning) and to this day our son still remarks on the one that cleared an entire floor of a Sears Store and that was 15 years ago!
Posted 1 year ago # -
IG,
An entire floor of Sears?
I take my hat off to you.
...and waft it about in your general direction. Just in case.
Posted 1 year ago # -
Well the worst part is that even today, my son will tell this "fart" story and it is quite amusing to all that care to listen and much to my dismay!
Posted 1 year ago # -
'....an entire floor of a Sears Store'
That's some a*se you've got there, IG !
Hope you're not intending to use that bum of yours to try and gain an advantage for Torri's Typsy Tarts in the 2008 Anorak Drinking Challenge
To conform to U.K. Health and Safety Regulations (and in the interests of 'fair play'), Duncan's Dastardly Drunks will be issued with protective clothing to be donned at first whiff of enemy gas attack ........
Posted 1 year ago # -
Duncan, that is funny, OMG, haven't lauhged so hard in ages. A gas mask, well we know which team has the advantage don't we!
Posted 1 year ago # -
er Duncan?????
TTT's cabbage and leek is a good combination....Posted 1 year ago # -
First whiff of anything untoward emanating from IG's bum and Duncan's Dastardly Drunks will launch an immediate and devastating counter-attack fuelled by consumption of copious amounts of beer, followed by a fiery 'balti' (for american/canadian Anoraks, balti=curry)
Posted 1 year ago # -
well you inhabit balti -land, but I got the best one I ever had in Caterham.
(IG, the reference to bum is fanny is US)
Posted 1 year ago # -
Thanks June, it takes a bit, but I'm getting the hang English slang......is it okay to say boobs instead of "fanny"?
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Er no boobs are slang for breasts, bust whatever, and fanny over here isn't mentioned in public, unless its a girl whose name is Frances
Posted 1 year ago # -
Posted 1 year ago # -
We need to introduce some of the bacteria that lurk in kangaroo guts to other species. Biologists are fascinated that although they eat much the same stuff as cattle, they never fart or contribute noxious effluvia to 'global warming'!
ps. I am knocking up a nice curry for the evening meal - there goes the ozone layer!
Posted 1 year ago # -
you antisocial being you...that reminds me , we are having curry tonite...
Posted 1 year ago # -
'tonite', June?
You've either turned American, or have a spare time job writing advertisements to place outside pubs informing punters of forthcoming entertainment.
Posted 1 year ago # -
nah lazy git who texts a lot, but then its 2nite
Posted 1 year ago #
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