Operation Girdle: Fat People And Global Warming
THE full-colour picture in the Mail reveals the person used to illustrate the story of “killer fat” is ginger, in accordance with Tabloid Rule 321b.
It may be too late for her, but your children can be spared such pain should the Government ban these killer fats, known to the world at large as trans fats.
Says Alan Johnson, Health Secretary: “We know we must act.” Indeed. We cannot have fat people all over the place and taking up too much space. It isn’t seemly. And what with house prices…
“For the first time we are clear about the problem – we are facing a potential crisis on the scale of climate change and it is in everyone’s interest to turn this around.”
Johnson is talking, of course, of methane gasses, the planet warmer that seeps from the bovine and the large of bone. And C02, which is expelled by these people as they waddle back and forth between fridge and sofa.
On the bright side, fat people have been known to block out our enemy the sun. Indeed, a human fat shield to protect the good is one idea mooted. And so long as the thin and the decent can put up with the smell of cooking fat, Project Girdle could succeed.
Give me your ginger and your overweight that we might live…
October 15th, 2007 at 7:50 pm
Where do they get money to buy all the groceries?
That’s always puzzled me
October 15th, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Ahh! Finally some sense! Big people in any case are not Earth friendly, now, Mr. Anorak, please e-mail this to all of the male celebrities. These celebrities and their penchant for the Earth and supermodels just doesn’t make sense. They all want the “efficient”, “compact” types for everything else but women; I’m short, therefore the energy efficient, Earth friendly movie premiere date! Come on people!
October 15th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Why not get the fat people to fight the wars? Win-win..
October 15th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
And the tall, Amazon people?
Tongue-in-cheek of course, big and tall people are fine and shouldn’t be sent off to fight wars, unless we buy into stereotypes and there is a worldwide war against China?
October 15th, 2007 at 9:33 pm
And before I’m called xenophobic, I addressed it was a stereotype and yes, I’m aware that one of the world’s tallest men is from China.
There needs to be an even amount of people fighting wars, if one area’s resources are ever wiped out or reaped by the winning country, the thin people could soon become famished. Plus, war rationing and what not…
October 15th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
I’m eating as much as I can over here!
October 16th, 2007 at 6:04 am
That could put you off McDonald’s forever!