‘ELLO “Mateys”!!!
Dave Burge here, from “across the pond” in the good ol’ “U.S. of A.,” where I am proud to be joining the new Anorak as a “writer.” Although I originally hail from Iowa — your former American colony famous for its delicious corn and pigs and methamphetamines — I currently reside in the “Windy City” of Chicago, home to Barack Obama and many other celebrity mobsters. In the U.S. I blog as “Iowahawk” but thanks to Anorak’s new lowered standards I will be dropping in occasionally to report the latest on politics and pop culture from this side of the Pacific.
When editor Paul Sorene invited me to join Anorak as a correspondent, he warned me that I may not always translate very good because “we are two countries separated by a common language.” After thinking about it for a minute, I’m like, “whoa dude, that don’t even make sense.” And then he’s all, “it’s a famous saying by George Bernard Shaw.” So I go, “hey scro, tell this George Bernard Whatever to put down his crackpipe, because ol’ Dave knows him a thing or two about talking to you Limey wankers.”
Posted: 17th, November 2008 | In: Anorak in America, Key Posts Comments (49) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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November 19th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
[...] his adult beverage addiction, by buying him one for Christmas. Now that he’s consorting with Limeys, he’ll be needing all the imbibing inspiration he can [...]
November 19th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Mebbe not, but how many V8 smoothie makers have you got?
November 18th, 2008 at 1:11 am
I’ll wager there’s not a single roofing tar fueled rocket powered pickup truck in the whole British Empire.
November 18th, 2008 at 12:10 am
kbiel,
Ah yes, who could ever forget Miss Hoosegow 2006 and 2007.
http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2006/06/miss_hoosegow_2.html
http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2007/06/miss-hoosegow-2.html
“… the cavalcade of incarcerated corn country cuties …” Indeed.
November 17th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Dave,
Will you be offering an Brit version of “hoosegow honeys”? I think that would translate to “banged-up birds”.
November 17th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
The New Worlds best export since VD
November 17th, 2008 at 11:43 am
As a member of Iowahawk’s “Legion of Dumb” we in the states await Barak’s new rule… We suspect that most members of our legion will spend considerable time in a Re-education Camp headed by matron who shall make Queen Hillary look charming…
November 17th, 2008 at 8:25 am
Mr. Hawk,
I’d like to welcome you to these parts. When I heard you were coming, I wept tears of joy: “At last the ‘Messiah’ has arrived,” I hollered at the top of my ‘nicotine stained’ lungs, “and he will bring “Change” and “Hope” to the UK. No more of that “old style” London politics! No, no,no! Mr. Burg is gonna change the way things are done around here in London. YIPPEE YAHOOEY COYOTE! Now, I’d be lying to bro’ if I told you I was from around these parts. Matter of fact, I’m a yankee, born and bread in the US of KKK. And I aint live too far away from you bro’ You got them Whitey Sox and the Cubbies and da’ Bears. But I do believe you will bring hope and change to the people of Britain with your brilliant writing skills. I’ll never forget the first time I read your memoir, “Dreams of my pipe”. It was awesome, man, and it gave me renewed hope in my cigarette capabilities. You see man, for da’ first time in my adult life, I was proud to be a smoker. What’s more, you and your automobile escapades, they’re precisely the kind of thing America is made of, and the Brits need more of that. My friend, every day, I will wake up to the sound of the rooster - who came home to roost shortly after a certain man won the election in da’ US of KKK - and first thing I will do is log on to Anorek to see if you have created the change we wistfully yearn for. And as I read your brilliant essays, my mind will become tranquil, as I bask in the glow of your satirical poetry. Mr. Burge, the UK welcomes you to their humble abode, and Da’ Bears, well, to be poyfactly honest wid you, dey stink……..
November 17th, 2008 at 2:34 am
Aww, jeepers… more American jobs shipped overseas.
Do the British issue fatwas?
November 17th, 2008 at 12:52 am
When does it start? We have our own resident Septics Cheryl and Pamela who have been putting us brits in our place for the last year.
November 16th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Mr. Burge is American’s finest … like a fine bourbon whiskey gently and lovingly aged for years and seasoned in fine fire-treated white oak barrels, lovingly decanted … then poured down the gullet of a NASCAR driver on race day at Daytona!
It should be stimulating, as I have ever found his U.S. columns to be at http://iowahawk.typepad.com/ …but keep you seat belts on (preferably the full five-point harness) and your hands inside the vehicle at all times!
November 16th, 2008 at 11:13 am
You spent your honeymoon in Bronllys? Did you get as far as Three Cocks?
November 16th, 2008 at 9:22 am
I’m glad to see by showcasing Burge you are all demonstrating that you are not taking that whole “get the heel off our continent and take the *&^%$ redcoats with you” business all that personal.
…or perhaps you are showcasing the results. Either way, Dave, see if you can get cash.
November 16th, 2008 at 5:47 am
Dave’s does teh UK?
All *right*!!! No we’ve got the b*st*rd (hey, use your imagination) someplace public where we can oh-so-publicly embarrass his a$$.
…my honeymoon was spent in Bronllys, Wales, so I’ve considered myself a semi-official Crown supporter since. (Gramp’s fled in ‘89 …1789 …so it seemed an opportune occasion to find out why.)
…so I’ve the seniority Dave old man.
November 16th, 2008 at 4:48 am
Funny site. Will be around to see what Burge says behind our backs.
He’s got his finger on the femoral artery (near the groin) of the rational thinkers in the US of A.
November 16th, 2008 at 1:24 am
Hahaha, you don’t know the Morans, do you, Iowahawk?
November 16th, 2008 at 1:21 am
Now you bastages are really going to get it for sending us Andrew Sullivan. And Teletubbies.
November 15th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Iowahawk is our equivalent of that Irish wanker, Mr. Twenty Major, except without quite so much inebriation, not as long of a police record, less cursing, and more education. But otherwise. Exactly.the.same.
November 15th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
They spell it “humououour.”
November 15th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
While you’re spiraling through your own decline, you Redcoats should enjoy the Hawk while you still can. You see, he’ll soon be sent to a far flung hellhole portion of Obama’s new Fairness Archipelago for rewiring.
November 15th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Morning Iowahawk
was out all day yesterday,and left the laptop at home, well it would have got all messy in the pub.
Welcome to Anorak btw.
On the topic of Heineken, my dog used to drink it as a pup, now he is an old boy he tries to nick my merlot…..
Arse,asses fannies etc we also have bums, and there is a cri de ceour of ‘Does my bum look big in this?’ The answer is always always NO! an ass is an idiotic fool or mutant mule. I understand your bums are down and outs and ne’er do wells.
BTW I do speak American too, have a friend who hails from Brooklyn, but CA resident.
November 15th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Heineken is for slug traps. It’s a shame about Bryson as all we know over here about the US is what we read in his books and films. Don’t all bars still have to have batwing doors and a spitoon then?
November 15th, 2008 at 6:28 am
Good LORD man!
I don’t know how these brits do it but one thing is for certain….
They wish they still had the guns they used-to have right?
November 14th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Iowahawk had a momentary brush with greatness when Oprah cried on his shoulder in Grant Park. I await the recounting of those great events and what it all smelled like from inside the temporary barricades.
November 14th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
So we have to come all the way over here to be able to leave comments on Iowahawk?
November 14th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Anorak readers are fortunate; Dave won’t allow comments on his own blog.
November 14th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
P.S. Bryson is a socialist wanker.
November 14th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Overcast and 45 [feels like 38] today. It goes without saying that Old Glory on top of the bank building has wrapped itself around the pole so many times, the stars have disappeared and only the stripes continue to whip in the wind. There’s an analogy there I’m too tired to pursue.
Congrats on your further immortalization, and thanks for introducing me to what could prove to be an entertaining site. A change is needed [not THAT change] from the relentless gloom descended now on most of my favorite blogs.
What do the Brits think about Heineken beer? I bought a six-pack for some subcontractors out of Des Moines as an insult for their recent voting results. They were insulted.
November 14th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Bernard Shaw was Irish.
November 14th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I just love Iowahawk’s stuff. Here is a sample :
http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2008/10/as-a-conservative-i-must-say-i-do-quite-like-the-cut-of-this-obama-fellows-jib.html
November 14th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Hang on to your chapeaux, foreign guys. Iowahawk is the which than which there is no whicher than. Somebody please inform Jeremy Clarkson about this stuff, I ’spect he’ll love it.
Dave - the best one I remember was at a party in Texas in the ’60s. A bunch of us folksinger types put in a telephone call to the local hospital to cheer up a Brit expatriate pal who was recovering from surgery. The phone was passed to his wife, who ended her call by chirping “Keep your pecker up!”
All and sundry looked like they’d just swallowed a bottle cap….