“If your fridge is full this Christmas, use nature’s refridgerator - your car” - Anthea Tuner on GMTV
Marks & Spencer Bag A Life Campaign
Workers sacked by Dervla Kirwan (6:30 ITV1) and David Jason (7:45 ITV2)
2009: Anorak’s Diary
Obama rising, Gore sinking, Jamie Oliver exported, Beckham chipping, Ledger returning
Terrorists Target Jews Sugar, Winehouse and Ronson: Blair Outraged
UK Jews on and not on terror list
‘ELLO “Mateys”!!!
Dave Burge here, from “across the pond” in the good ol’ “U.S. of A.,” where I am proud to be joining the new Anorak as a “writer.” Although I originally hail from Iowa — your former American colony famous for its delicious corn and pigs and methamphetamines — I currently reside in the “Windy City” of Chicago, home to Barack Obama and many other celebrity mobsters. In the U.S. I blog as “Iowahawk” but thanks to Anorak’s new lowered standards I will be dropping in occasionally to report the latest on politics and pop culture from this side of the Pacific.
When editor Paul Sorene invited me to join Anorak as a correspondent, he warned me that I may not always translate very good because “we are two countries separated by a common language.” After thinking about it for a minute, I’m like, “whoa dude, that don’t even make sense.” And then he’s all, “it’s a famous saying by George Bernard Shaw.” So I go, “hey scro, tell this George Bernard Whatever to put down his crackpipe, because ol’ Dave knows him a thing or two about talking to you Limey wankers.”
Posted: 17th, November 2008 | In: Anorak in America, Key Posts | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Comments
November 14th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Welcome to Blighty! By the way, you forgot to mention the way you lot use the word ‘fanny’ with wild abandon.
When I was ‘cross the pond some old lady said she’d smack me on the fanny if I was naughty so I had her done for sexual harrasment.
How I laughed when I realised the misunderstanding…..
November 14th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Bloody-A man!
November 14th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Face the corner - other way…
November 14th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
My God, America is exporting its worst urban blight in the form of Madman Burge! This is going to make the Great Plague of London look like a mild case of the sniffles. Batten down the hatches, lock up your women and children and hang on to your neurons, your poor bastards.
And if he ever is in your part of the world and suggests meeting for a drink, be sure to leave your credit cards and checkbook at home: a large part of the current financial crisis is due to Onca Dave’s unpaid bar tabs.
November 14th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I’m sorry but I don’t speak Jive but welcome anyway. You come from Iowa? You must know Bill Bryson. He’s a national treasure over here
November 14th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Best one I ever witnessed was at a party in Texas. One of the guest was visiting from Australia, and a bunch of the Texans were enthusiastically explaining to the Aussie how “we all root for the Cowboys.” The look on that Aussie’s face was priceless.
November 14th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Bill Bryson? Oh yeah, I think his folks still live in that trailer over to the old Sitzmann place. Kept goin’ on and on and on about this big secret plan of his to move to England and become a travel writer, just so he could sneak up and strangle Queen Elizabeth.
November 14th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Don’t listen to Professor Jonathan, his years of decadence and debauchery in Montparnasse have left him with venereal dementia.
Yes, maybe I have a few unpaid bar tabs. But as I always explain to my creditors: you didn’t plan to fail, you failed to plan.
November 14th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
So, while we are waiting for the Paralysis bit of the GPI to set in on the professorial front, are there any other possible embarrassments you’d like to disclose?
Or have you already completed the 67 page questionaire?
November 14th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Monsieur Chenier: I pride myself on my invulnerability to embarrassment.
November 14th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Wait for it!
November 14th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I can see that this is going to be fun…
November 14th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Dave,
Someone should have warned you that Friday afternoon is not a good time to introduce yourself to the British working population. It’s poets day here. You should get a better and more active response this evening as the horror that is the ‘Children in Need’ Telethon unfolds and viewers try to escape.
November 14th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Children In Need… of what?
November 14th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
All our money apparently. I gave a pound last year and they never told me what they did with it
November 14th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
In days gone by the laydeez of the office used to dress up and make giving a joy. Now all we get is a vinegar faced PA hanging around in reception demanding money with menaces. This is the other side of compassion fatigue, collection fatigue
November 14th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
If you live in England, stay out of the news! If you are in the news be afraid…be very afraid because now you are the target of Iowahawk and his devastating pen! For the rest of you enjoy the funniest writer on the web today!
November 14th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Hey Iowahawk, I’m just a short distance up 94 in Wisconsin. Dont worry about the “separated by a common language” thing even I eventually figured out what my Cheesehead neighbours (or neighbors) were talking about so you should be ok.
For a few years, until his death, I played keyboards in the backup band of a bluesman named Readsburg Slim, he was older than dirt and from Alabama. Took a while to figure him out
November 14th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Hang on to your chapeaux, foreign guys. Iowahawk is the which than which there is no whicher than. Somebody please inform Jeremy Clarkson about this stuff, I ’spect he’ll love it.
Dave - the best one I remember was at a party in Texas in the ’60s. A bunch of us folksinger types put in a telephone call to the local hospital to cheer up a Brit expatriate pal who was recovering from surgery. The phone was passed to his wife, who ended her call by chirping “Keep your pecker up!”
All and sundry looked like they’d just swallowed a bottle cap….
November 14th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I just love Iowahawk’s stuff. Here is a sample :
http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2008/10/as-a-conservative-i-must-say-i-do-quite-like-the-cut-of-this-obama-fellows-jib.html
November 14th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Bernard Shaw was Irish.
November 14th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Overcast and 45 [feels like 38] today. It goes without saying that Old Glory on top of the bank building has wrapped itself around the pole so many times, the stars have disappeared and only the stripes continue to whip in the wind. There’s an analogy there I’m too tired to pursue.
Congrats on your further immortalization, and thanks for introducing me to what could prove to be an entertaining site. A change is needed [not THAT change] from the relentless gloom descended now on most of my favorite blogs.
What do the Brits think about Heineken beer? I bought a six-pack for some subcontractors out of Des Moines as an insult for their recent voting results. They were insulted.
November 14th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
P.S. Bryson is a socialist wanker.
November 14th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
Anorak readers are fortunate; Dave won’t allow comments on his own blog.
November 14th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
So we have to come all the way over here to be able to leave comments on Iowahawk?
November 14th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Iowahawk had a momentary brush with greatness when Oprah cried on his shoulder in Grant Park. I await the recounting of those great events and what it all smelled like from inside the temporary barricades.
November 15th, 2008 at 6:28 am
Good LORD man!
I don’t know how these brits do it but one thing is for certain….
They wish they still had the guns they used-to have right?
November 15th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Heineken is for slug traps. It’s a shame about Bryson as all we know over here about the US is what we read in his books and films. Don’t all bars still have to have batwing doors and a spitoon then?
November 15th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Morning Iowahawk
was out all day yesterday,and left the laptop at home, well it would have got all messy in the pub.
Welcome to Anorak btw.
On the topic of Heineken, my dog used to drink it as a pup, now he is an old boy he tries to nick my merlot…..
Arse,asses fannies etc we also have bums, and there is a cri de ceour of ‘Does my bum look big in this?’ The answer is always always NO! an ass is an idiotic fool or mutant mule. I understand your bums are down and outs and ne’er do wells.
BTW I do speak American too, have a friend who hails from Brooklyn, but CA resident.
November 15th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
While you’re spiraling through your own decline, you Redcoats should enjoy the Hawk while you still can. You see, he’ll soon be sent to a far flung hellhole portion of Obama’s new Fairness Archipelago for rewiring.