CORRIDORS. Not just any old creepy, long, silent, anxiety-inducing, lonely, crippling, haunted corridors, but eerie, antiseptic, soulless, menacing, echoey, brooding, lugubrious corridors in sci-fi films. Corridors that when you scream no-one can hear you.
Corridors are the places in film that let the dialogue pause and the tensions build. You’d run along though them. If your legs let you.
These are the best corridors in sci-fi:
Code-46 – Michael-Winterbottom (2003)
The Black-Hole – Gary Nelson (1979)
Ikarie XB-1 (1963, Jindřich Polák)
Ridley Scott’s Alien
George Lucas’s THX-1138
Dr. Who and the Daleks (1965, Gordon Flemyng)
Stereo (1969, David Cronenberg)
Saturn 3 (1980, Stanley Donen)
Outland (1981, Peter Hyams)
Equilibrium (2002, Kurt Wimmer)
Alphaville: Une étrange aventure de Lemmy Caution (1965, Jean-Luc Godard)
Titan A.E. (2000, Don Bluth and Gary Goldman)
Forbidden Planet (1956, Fred M. Wilcox)
2010 (1984, Peter Hyams)
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977, George Lucas)
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977, George Lucas)
Solyaris (1972, Andrei Tarkovsky)
Event Horizon (1997, Paul W. S. Anderson)
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968, Stanley Kubrick)
Westworld (1973, Michael Crichton)
Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991, Nicholas Meyer)
Robocop (1987, Paul Verhoeven)
Upside Down (2012, Juan Diego Solanas)
Species (1995, Roger Donaldson)
Earth vs. the Flying Saucers (1956, Fred F. Sears)
JOHN McAfee, creator of the McAfee anti-virus program that comes free, annoying and pretty useless on your smart phone, is the star of this video advert for his company. It’s called How To Uninstall McAfee Antivirus, and it is the creepiest, most misogynistic, balmiest, watchable piece of bilge we’ve seen this week. In a blancmange of dull dress-down-Friday tech gurus and billionaire geeks, McAfee is the sticky squirt of colour.
Anorak brings you the Greatest Beauty Pageant Answers Ever. And – remember – no-one likes you if you are cute and smart. Maybe this article shold be entitled The Smartest Beauty Pageant Answers Ever?
BEFORE the Wall came down and the EU came knocking, Polish film posters for American film were handmade. Nowadays, Poles are seduced to Americans films with the usual cocktail of edited quotes from critics and airbrushed photography. But when US publicity material was banned, film posters for Yankee movies were created by artists interpreting the film.
There is no proof that they were more effective in getting punters in to watch the film. But the billboards would have been more beautiful:
For sale: This Game of Thrones suit of armour for your guinea pig.
WHEN Australian cricketer David Warner took a swing at England’s Joe Root (above) in a Birmingham bar, it was merely the latest in a long line of spats between Ashes rivals over the years. Most went no further than the boundary ropes, and old adversaries like Michael Atherton and Merv Hughes would happily socialise together at the end of play. This happily seems to be the case here, as Warner has publicly apologised to Root, who accepted his apology.
But some personality clashes don’t end so amicably. They fester into grudges and develop over time into fully-fledged feuds. Here we consider five of the most enduring – and in a funny way, endearing…
Don Bradman v Wally Hammond
Bradman was the colossus of world cricket, a man whose Test average of 99.94 still dwarfs his nearest challenger (Graeme Pollock, 60.97). Hammond (above) was England’s captain, and one of the county’s top batsmen from 1927 to 1947, whose highest score (336 not out) actually tops the Don’s.
Bradman was a difficult man to like, and considered aloof and selfish by his team mates. Hammond was similarly unpopular with his colleagues – and with the husbands of the numerous women he bedded. It has been suggested that his personality had been affected by mercury treatment for VD.
Hammond regarded any game against Australia as a personal duel between himself and the Don. ‘Fuck Bradman!’ was his battle cry. The duel had an added twist during the 1932-33 ‘Bodyline’ series when both men had to bowl at each other, and Bradman took Hammond’s wicket with a full toss.
When playing against New Zealand, Hammond beat Bradman’s record-breaking score of 334, and screamed ‘Yes!’ at the sky.
In a subsequent Ashes series, Hammond kept Australia in the field for three days, amassing over 900 runs, and delayed his declaration until it was confirmed that Bradman’s ankle injury would prevent him from batting. As Australia’s captain, Bradman subsequently employed the same tactic against England at every opportunity, referring pointedly to Hammond’s previous antics.
The ‘Goodwill Tour’ of Australia after the War proved anything but, as Bradman refused to walk when caught at slip on 28 in the opening Test, then went on to get 187. Hammond refused to speak to him for the rest of the tour.
Below: Bradman is finally dismissed by England after scoring 334 at Headingly in 1930.
Don Bradman v Harold Larwood
One of legendary fast-bowler Larwood’s favourite photographs is of Bradman bent double at the wicket, having been hit, not as reported in the papers, on the arm, but ‘on the arse’.
There was, he admitted, no love most between the two. It began when Bradman knocked him round the ground in the 1928-9 Ashes, but got series when the Don refused to walk when he snicked a ball on naught in the next series in 1930 (shades of ’47). Larwood particularly disliked Bradman’s arrogance and his contempt for those he considered inferior. So when England captain Jardine devised his ‘leg theory’ strategy for beating the man he called ‘the little bastard’, Larwood was happy to carry out the orders. Jardine believed Bradman to be a physical coward, and the tactic of employing bouncers aimed at the body was designed to test his resolve. It worked a treat.
As late as the 1980s feelings ran deep. Bradman was still complaining about being branded unsporting for not walking, and Larwood was angered by Bradman’s accusation that he ‘threw’ the ball with an illegal bowling action.
As Larwood concluded: ‘He wasn’t a very likeable fellow.’
Tony Grieg v Ian Chappell
After a reasonable start, things went downhill during Kerry Packer’s World Series Cricket experiment in the 1970s, when Greig, captain of the world XI broke a ‘no bouncers’ agreement as Chappell’s Australia side chased down an eminently achievable target. In the ‘Supertest’, there was more trouble, as Greig was hit on the head by a bouncer and then unleashed his quicks in revenge. Having given Chappell a torrid time, he then tried a few himself, which were hit for fours by the opposing skipper, who memorably declared: ‘Mate, I might not be able to hook good bowling, but I can hook your shit.’ When Greig threatened to break a bottle over his head, the umpire intervened.
When the second WSC season came to its crunch game, Chappell prevented Greig’s team from scoring the required five runs by bowling down the leg side for four wides. He then smoked a cigar throughout the prize presentation and refused to shake Greig’s hand
Chappell’s take on Greig: ‘The problem I had with him during WSC was that he was off earning money by doing ads while the rest of his team was training… he held his place in the superb team and he did not deserve to.’
Greig take on Chappell: ‘I didn’t like him and he didn’t like me.’
The pair continued to trade insults down the years, before eventually learning to co-exist as TV commentators for Australia’s Channel Nine. This developed into close friendship, and Chappell spoke warmly of his former adversary following Greig’s death last year:
‘During World Series Cricket we had a couple of falling outs, mainly instigated by me, and our relationship deteriorated quite a bit during that time. Once we both retired and were together in the commentary box, we’d spend a lot of time together. Since it was mostly my fault we fell out, I thought it was time to let bygones be bygones. We didn’t chat about it at all, though. It’s almost as if Tony said, “What went on was back then, this is now.”
He was very much like that. He wasn’t one to bear grudges.’
Ian Botham v Ian Chappell
The story began when a young Botham was at Melbourne University on a Whitbread Scholarship. During the Centenary Test, he and Chappell found themselves in a bar. They exchanged words, and ‘Beefy’ admits to having been wound up by Chappell’s anti-Pom tirades.
The following Friday they found themselves in a bar once again. According to Chappell, Botham accused him of not wanting to tour England in the following summer because ‘too many blokes were looking to knock your block off’, and then put the tin lid on it by adding that ‘everyone’s looking for you because you’re a prick’. After a lengthy argument, Botham supposedly held a glass to his face and threatened to cut him ‘from ear to ear’, and claims to have punched him off his stool. Chappell, on the other hand, says Botham pushed him backwards off the chair and got hysterically angry. ‘As I got up, he suggested we settle it outside,’ says Chappell. ‘I replied: “I don’t fight. You either finish up in jail or hospital and I don’t intend visiting either over a cunt like you.”’ Botham says that at this point he chased Chappell outside, leaping over a car in the pursuit. Chappell claims the ehole thing is a ‘typical’ Botham fantasy.
They came together again in 1979-80 when Botham was in Australia with England. Botham dismissed Chappell for 0 in a state game, and bade him farewell in characteristic fashion.
They then met in a Benson & Hedges ODI. Botham bowled a bouncer which was a no-ball. Chappell warned him that if he did it again he had better hit him, because otherwise he would come and hit him over the head with his bat. During the interval, England skipper Mike Brearley unsuccessfully demanded an apology from Chappell (Australia’s captain). Chappell then devised a cunning plan to get Botham’s wicket, which worked a treat and added to Botham’s annoyance.
In the 1990s the pair appeared on a TV show together and were asked if they would have a drink together. Yes, replied Botham: ‘That’s cricket. You sit down and have a beer or a wine.’ No, replied Chappell: ‘I can find plenty of decent people to have a drink with. I won’t be drinking with him.’
At the end of the century Channel Nine brought the pair together, just as it had Greig and Chappell. ‘That’s all right,’ said Chappell. ‘As long as they don’t expect me to socialise with him because I certainly won’t be doing that.’ He added that he had barely spoken to Botham since the Centenary Test incident, and ‘it would suit me if I never spoke to the guy again’.
When Botham was knighted in 2007, Chappell remarked: ‘There are many skeletons dangling in Botham’s cupboard, ranging from stories of drug-taking to general thuggery, and if he keeps peddling his lies, there’s every chance more of these stories will emerge. Someone is going to regret awarding him a knighthood.’
In December 2010, news broke that the pair had to be separated after a fight in the car park at the Adelaide Test. Chappell dismissed the story as a fabrication…
Mitchell Johnson v Kevin Pietersen
A relatively new rivalry, and possibly short-lived too, given Mitchell’s absence from this summer’s Ashes squad.
It began during the 2009 Ashes, when only the intervention of Australian twelfth man Stuart Clark prevented blows being exchanged before the start of the final day of the first Test in Cardiff. Johnson was bowling in the nets and was almost struck by a ball hit by Pietersen. Mitchell kicked the ball in the air, landing a long way from Pietersen, who was not best pleased at having to go and fetch it. An angry exchange followed until Clark’s intervention. The argument has continued ever since, with the pair trading insults at every opportunity – usually, but not always, via the sports pages.
After falling out with the Australian management earlier this year, Johnson is reportedly considering retiring from international cricket. But if he does return, and Pietersen stays fit, the pair could be on collision course once again before long…
Below: Johnson celebrates and Pietersen walks – out for a duck in Perth, 2010.
DOCUMENTS leaked by US techy spook Edward Snowden show us that the US government is able to access details of smartphone and internet activity under a scheme called Prism. The allegation is that the US intelligence agencies have an open line to Google, Microsoft, Facebook, Yahoo, Skype and Apple. They also record all of your phone calls. The Guardian reprots that the UK’s electronic surveillance agency, GCHQ, has access to the data. This might explain why the taxes for so many big Internet firm are so low. The elite want to keep paying foreign companies for data on British citizens off the books.
What does it all mean, though? We’ve picked out the best opinions on the news:
Perhaps this is just the way it is in the panopticon state. Tocqueville foresaw this, as he did most things. Although absolute monarchy “clothed kings with a power almost without limits” in practice “the details of social life and of individual existence ordinarily escaped his control.” What would happen, Tocqueville wondered, if administrative capability were to evolve to bring “the details of social life and of individual existence” within the King’s oversight? Eric Holder and Lois Lerner now have that power. My comrade John Podhoretz, doughty warrior of the New York Post, says relax, there’s nothing to worry about. But how do I know he’s not just saying that because Eric Holder’s monitoring his OnStar account and knows that when he lost his car keys last Tuesday he was in the parking lot of Madam Whiplash’s Bondage Dungeon?
When the state has the power to know everything about everyone, the integrity of the civil service is the only bulwark against men like Holder. Instead, the ruling party and the non-partisan bureaucracy seem to be converging. In August 2010, President Obama began railing publicly against “groups with harmless-sounding names like Americans for Prosperity” (August 9th, a speech in Texas) and “shadowy groups with harmless-sounding names” (August 21st, radio address). And whaddayaknow, that self-same month the IRS obligingly issued its first BOLO (Be On the Look-Out) for groups with harmless-sounding names, like “tea party,” “patriot,” and “constitution.”
It may be that the strange synchronicity between the president and the permanent bureaucracy is mere happenstance and not, as it might sound to the casual ear, the sinister merging of party and state. Either way, they need to be pried apart. When the state has the capability to know everything except the difference between right and wrong, it won’t end well.
FEMEN, the Ukrainian feminist action group are nothing if they are not being arrested. The routine is simple: FEMEN arrive at the public place, take off their tops to reveal bare nipples and chest slogans to the watching photographers before being arrested by police.
Most eyes, of course, are on the topless women. But we’ve noticed that the arresting police are caught between having a peek and looking bemused, scared or officious.
IN 1989, Ian Brown and John Squire of The Stone Roses were interviewed for Music Box. It was awkward. The interviewer comes across like a therapist or headteacher talking to naughty teenagers. Brown smiles warmly:
LOVE is… Donald Featherstone and his wife Nancy have been wearing matching outfits for the past 35 years.
HUXLEY vs. Orwell: the comic, by Stuart McMillen adapts Neil Postman’s Amusing Ourselves to Death argument that Aldous Huxley’s vision of the future in Brave New World was more prescient than George Orwell in 1984:
PORN stars have pledged to donate their bodies to victims of the Oklahoma tornado. They will auction off sex acts. The tornados claimed the lives of 20 people. But the good news is that the USA’s porn stars have taken time out from the Exxxotica expo to tell the greif stricken and destitute that they are willing to let them stick anything up their backsides to ease the burden.
Their mission states:
In times of total devastation the Adult Film Community realize there’s only thing victims need: money and sex. Here some top performers offer to auction off sexual acts to help raise money for those devastated by the tornados,
It might offer more instant relief than prayer. What do you want, victims, God or porn? Both industries are using your pain for self-promotion.
THE protest against the Turkish Government’s actions in Taksim Square, Istanbul, have not been without humour. But away from the placards and the often amusing graffiti, there is much evidence of police brutality. When we look at the photographs of unarmed and peaceful Turks being hit by water cannon and pepper sprayed straight in the face by uniformed goons we feel outrage. This is not law and order. This is brutal thuggery sanctioned by the State. But the British Government is doing nothing to help the protestors. The protestors are not the Muslim Brotherhood or jihadis looking to rule by fear. It’s not Egypt or Syria. These protestors are non-religious champions of democracy standing in the face of an Islamacist assault on their liberty. They need our help:
THE Exxxotica Expo, is the biggest sex show in the USA. It’s also where the fans get meet the object of their fantasies. And it’s watching the fans that make the trip worthwhile. What do you do when you meet a stranger you lust after? Let’s see:
These photos are used under fair use. If you want us to remove them, we will.
TURKEY is rocking. People are challenging the ruling Islamist-leaning Justice and Development Party (AKP). The authorities wanted to build on the green Gezi Park in Taksim Square, Istanbul. Plans featured a shopping mall and a mosque. A few protestors moved to occupy the site. Police hit them with tear gas, pepper spray and water cannon. The police overreaction was met with fury.
Days earlier the Government had banned the late-night sale of booze. Many fear Turkey tuning into a harder-line Islamic state. Taksim Square would be the place to take a stand against authority.
In the ensuing violence, two people are dead. Hundreds have been arrested. Thousands have been hurt..
But the protests have not been without humour. We’ve got pictures of some of the best and worst graffiti and slogans. And a few interesting hats.
Don’t just protest. Laugh at the bastards.
HOW did the Sun report on Emma West, the woman who became YouTube’s Tram Lady on account of her racist rant on New Addington public transport? At the time of her vile rant we commented that she looked not all that well. It turns that that she isn’t.
Emma West will pay for her crime. She will not be raped and murdered as many on Twitter wanted.
Remi Ogunfowora, prosecuting, told Croydon Crown Court of a May 15, 2013, attack on her partner Ricky Metson:
“Mr Metson put his hands up in front of him to protect himself and told her to calm down. She said she was going to call her mum and ran upstairs and Mr Metson followed. As he entered the room she picked up an ornamental knife from its sheath, struck him in the head and started slashing at his body. He slapped her around the face in self-defence to try and calm her down and went downstairs. She followed him down the stairs and stabbed him in the back at least twice. She tried to run out the house and he stopped her leaving and called the police… Mr Metson suffered two puncture wounds on his back and various slash and scratch wounds over his stomach, head, back of his neck, arms and legs. When officers tried to arrest Miss West she started to kick them.”
She sounds dangerously unstable.
The Croydon Guardian reports:
Mr Metson is standing by West after her attack on him, and was with her at court on Monday.
This is Croydon adds:
Right wing groups such as the National Front and British National Party had adopted her cause after she was charged with a racially aggravated public order offence in November 2011. West’s barrister said their support – including sending her flowers and cheques – had “greatly distressed” his client and led her try and take her own life.
Her deteriorating mental health led to concerns for her safety and that of her family, fears which were realised last month when she stabbed her husband Ricky Metson with a knife – while on bail – after he intervened in her latest attempt to self-harm. Mr Metson suffered superficial injuries after incident at their home in Grenville Road, New Addington, on May 15.
West, who has suffered from depression since she was 18, was admitted to a psychiatric ward in Foxley Lane, Purley, in September 2011. Following her release she had been receiving support at the Tamworth Road Resource Centre, in West Croydon. It was as West returned from one of these sessions with her four-year-old son that racially abused passengers in a packed tram.
Croydon Crown Court has previously heard that West, a former dental receptionist, had taken a double dose of her medication at the time of the incident, which is believed to have occurred on October 18 last year.
None of that excuses her behaviour. But it might make us more compassionate towards her. Mental illness is nothing to mock.
But this is what the Sun said:
A MUM whose racist rant on a tram horrified millions on YouTube has finally admitted her guilt – as it is revealed she also stabbed her husband and attacked a cop.
Emma West, 34, a former dental nurse from Croydon, pleaded guilty last month to stabbing and slashing her husband Ricky Metson and assaulting a police officer. On Monday she also pleaded guilty to a racially aggravated public order offence when she appeared at Croydon Crown Court – 18 MONTHS after the incident. More than 2.2million people
The Sun makes no mention of her mental health. It does not say that the wounds she inflicted were superficial and that her partner of 12 years is supporting her. It does not say that she was suicidal and suffers from depression, a hideous and misunderstood condition.
On the same day as West was pleading guilty to to hurling racist abuse, Virginia Wheeler was not in Southwark Crown Court to answer charges of phone hacking.
The Crown dropped its case against Virginia Wheeler, 34, who, allegedly, acted as a contact at the Sun for a crooked police officer with secrets to sell. Her prosecution was deemed not to be in the public interest for medical reasons.
James Wood, QC, for Ms Wheeler, said: “Had it not been for these matters, I would like to put on the record that Ms Wheeler would have vigorously contested these proceedings.”
You see, mental health is a big issue. When an alleged criminal is mentally ill, the State is not insensitive towards them. The Sun, on the other hand, monsters the sufferer. Unless they work in the same building, that is, in which case they get total privacy, good lawyers and care…
SO. You saw someone with a face tattoo and thought they looked great. Hey, if Ryan Gosling, the swooniest Hollywood star has one, why not you?
Gosling got his face decorated with a dagger dripping blood. He felt it would help him get into character for a film part. He then reviewed his decision:
“I felt a lot of shame for having gone too far and for making a decision that was careless… I was so ashamed that that shame lived with me on set, as I had to wear that stuff around.”
Still want one? We’ve combed the web for examples of face tattoos.
NEWS that Everton Football Club™ has decided to modernise its historic badge, and in the process jettison its famous Latin motto, has caused not altogether unpredictable outrage among the Goodison Faithful ™.
The motto in question translates as ‘Nothing but the best’, so the timing of its retirement is unfortunate, coinciding as it does with a period of uncertainty following the departure of the ‘Moysiah’ to Old Trafford.
All of which begs the question of whether some other long-established club mottos and slogans are fit for purpose in the modern game. A select few still favour the classical Latin, so we will consider them first.
LORD Hylton, a parliamentary crossbencher is upset that homosexuals “stole” the word gay. Says he to the House of Lords:
“I regret very much that the fine old English and French word ‘gay’ has, in my lifetime, been appropriated by a small but vocal minority of the population.”
WHY would Israeli female soldiers pose for photos in their underwear and then post the pics on Facebook? The IDF says the women have been disciplined. How? We don’t know. But wagt6 odd the women get sent to the Gaza Strip (geddit?!)
ON YouTube, lesbian Hart tackles the question:
“If you love women so much, how come you don’t you dress like one?”
Hart repsonds expertly (with watermelon):
Spotter: Dangerous Minds