Anorak

Key Posts

Key Posts Category

I’m A Celebrity: Quitter Katie Price Wanted To Die With Jedward

katie-price-jungle2I’M A Celebrity: Katie Price has left the jungle to be with her make-up.

Jordan walked out jungle. She put in a good shift. She’s not John Fashanu.

But Katie Price leaves the jungle with her head high and her Jordan’s held higher, like Saint Agatha in a bikini.

She leaves the show with a legacy of a slightly sunken hammock and the waters with traces of eyebrow felt tip and tangerine varnish.

Says Katie Price:

“Everyone else, give them something to do. You’ve seen me struggle, you’ve seen me cry, shake, want to die.

“I really don’t want to be doing this. I miss my children. I’m hungry.

“I want a nice bed and I don’t want to have to put myself through these horrible challenges.”

Did she walk in sympathy with Jedward?

Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)


X Factor: Jedward, John & Edward Grimes, Are Voted Out At Last

befksnwmkkgrhquokjseq5tokycvbk7zjwyq_12X Factor: Jedward, John & Edward, Are Voted Out. They are booed by the crowd.

The X Factor loses another warbling wannabe. And it’s Jedward.

The Duracell Gonks are in the sing off with Olly Murs, the man with a name like a contagion. They are toast. They are on their way to becoming a footnote in a TV history, a pub quiz question.

Jedward are two untalented, precocious, hard to like, over-exposed singing gonks who are part of a sick TV experiment to see what point Simon Cowell’s powers of deception wane and the masses rub their eyes and realise they are being served up crap.

C owell and Louis Walsh are like Mortimer and Randolph Duke in Trading Places, playing with people for entertainmnt.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)


In Pictures: Music In The Decade Of The X Factor, American Idol, Jay Z, Michael Jackson And Amy Winehouse

Music In The Decade Of X Factor, American Idol, Jay Z, Michael Jackson And Amy Winehouse.

The decade was shaped by the arrival of popstar parvenus, those not genuine popstars who had crooned someone else’s song on The X Factor, Fame Academy, American Idol, Pop Idol or Fame Academy. There were authentic pop stars, like Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty, the former who could sing and both who could live the live of excess. Eminem rocked, Britney Spears melted, Jay Z grew the brand and we wept for George Harrison, Diana and another Live Aid. And Michael Jackson died. In pictures:

1400374

Image 1 of 55

American rap singer Eminem performs during The Brit Awards 2001, hosted by SMTV presenters Ant And Dec, at Earls Court in London. * 27/10/02: A petrified resident frantically called police after a man dressed in ski goggles and salopettes turned up on his doorstep with a roaring chainsaw. Fearing he was about to be taken apart limb by limb the desperate "victim" dashed to the phone to alert officers of the impending bloodbath. But police who raced to the address in Atwater Close, Lincoln, last night arrived to find the chainsaw-wielding offender gone. It later transpired that the menacing character waving the 3ft-long power tool had in fact got the wrong address for a fancy dress party. Police said he had been intent on making a dramatic entrance to the soiree and was dressed as hell-raising rap star Eminem.

Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Madeleine McCann And The Wanted ‘James Bond’ Spy

oakley-international1MADDIE WATCH Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann: The “secret agent con man”, Oakley International and detectives seek detectives…

For three summers, the hunt has been on for the media’s Our Maddie. She has yet to be found. What happend to her has yet to be established. All we know is that she missing.

The detectives have failed.

The Guardian: “FBI searches for detective who worked on Madeleine McCann case”

He’s gone missing? Is foul play suspected? What say the detectives who aren’t missing?

A British security consultant who was paid £300,000 to assist efforts by Kate and Gerry McCann to find their daughter Madeleine is being sought by the FBI over an alleged £1.3m fraud.

A £500,000 contract given to Kevin Halligen’s private detective agency, Oakley International, to help with the search for the missing child was terminated last year after a major benefactor of the McCanns expressed concerns about the quality of the firm’s work.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann | Comments (4)


X Factor Live: Jedward Do Jive Bunny, Olly Murs Is The Man And Danyl Johnson Is Careless

6753456X Factor Live Blog: It’s Wham! Week. John and Edward, Danyl Johnson, Stacey Solomon, Jedward, Joe McElderry, Lloyd Daniels and contagious Olly Murs?

1. Lloyd Daniels – You’ve Got To Have Faith.

Lloyd needs faith because he doesn’t have a prayer of winning. Should have sung Wake Me Up Before You GoGo. A does of self-depracating humour might have saved him.

Damned by hard to like Louis Walsh: “I love everything except he voice Lloyd, I think you’re a real little pop star though.”

2. Stacey SolomonI Can’t Make You Love Me

Is she getting blonder?

X Factor: Stacey Solomon Look Alike Gallery. She’s through to next week’s show.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)


In Pictures: The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

AFTER the backstage pictures of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, we now bring your fashion lovers the 2009 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in New York City, in pictures.

Featuring Behati Prinsloo, Marisa Miller, Heidi Klum, Doutzen Kroes, Miranda Kerr, Alessandra Ambrosio, the Black Eyed Peas and a host of underwear enthusiasts:

8049119

Image 1 of 55

A Victoria's Secret model during the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show at the Lexington Armory in New York. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Picture date: Friday November 20, 2009. Photo credit should read: PA

Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


Peru Arrests Men For Liquidising Fat People For Beauty Industry

fat-blendIN Peru, four men are arrested on suspicion of harvesting the fat from the obese and selling it as fuel for European cosmetics.

This is victimless crime, right New Labour? The fat get put out of their misery; the thin don’t have to see the fat; the beautiful people who actually care about their looks get to look more beautiful – so long as they don’t eat the stuff – and the fat finally get to touch thin flesh.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment


Ten Reasons Why Thierry Henry Did It

WANT to know why France captain Thierry Henry used his hand to score a goal in game of FOOTball against Ireland? We bring you the Top Ten Theories:

1. C’est La France

He was shrugging. At the moment of impact (1). Henry was thinking about existentialism and the modern man. He asked himself a question and answered it in traditional fashion, with a Gallic shrug. Henry then responded to his own answer to his own question with a second shrug (2).

2. For Culture

Henry knew that Ireland would not win the World Cup. The likelihood of them being robbed in South Africa while literally high was on the field only a remote hope. Henry sought to give the Irish something to feel aggrieved and, therefore, inspired about for four years of drinking, poetry and song.

3. For England

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (2)


Barack Obama Uses Ghost Writers For His Twitter Account

obama-mobileBARACK Obama has a huge Twitter following. He is the President of the United States on Twitter. Barack Obama is your pal. It turns out that Barack doesn’t write his own Twitters. Another Barack Obama does that.

Rumours are that he doesn’t write his own speeches and might read the words off a machine. But let’s stick to the web.

There is a Barack Obama for every social networking site. FaceBook Obama is married, Bebo Obama likes cats, Tumblr Obama hates Obama, MySpace Obama knows all the words to Who Let The Dogs Out and Reddit Obama has a vegetable shaped like a penis.

The LA Times reports:

The president told a youth audience in Shanghai on Sunday that he has never used Twitter…

“I have never used Twitter, but I’m an advocate of technology and not restricting Internet access,” Obama said during the town hall. “My thumbs are too clumsy to type in things on the phone.”

So if that’s not Obama, you’re talking to who is it? Hang up, kids. Hang up now. It could be anyone.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment


Christmas Gifts: Laptop Steering Wheel Desk By Mobile Office Outsells PS3

laptop-steering-wheelCHRISTMAS Gift of the day is the Laptop Steering Wheel Desk by Mobile Office. As Yampster says “this thing will outsell PS3 this Christmas”. And the hamsters.

The Laptop Steering Wheel Desk By Mobile Office is the last word in Laptop steering desks. Buy yours while they’re still legal. Here’s what shoppers are saying:

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment


X Factor: The Top Items For Sale In The Jedward Shop

X Factor: Before John and Edward Grimes can sell official Jedward tat, the entrepreneurs are putting the boys hair on unofficial Jedward tat.

Anorak has been scouring the web for future landfill and we bring you the Worst Jedward Merchandise Gifts. Buy now to ensure disappointment:

befksnwmkkgrhquokjseq5tokycvbk7zjwyq_12

Image 1 of 17

JOHN AND EDWARD X FACTOR TWIN DOLLS HANDMADE BEJABERS

Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)


Ireland Cheers For Thierry Henry’s Goal Of Hurt: In Pictures

ALL of Ireland was celebrating last night as France captain Thierry Henry cheated them out of a place in the World Cup finals with a blatant bit of ball juggling.

Thierry Henry says he didn’t cheat because he didn’t juggle the ball on his hand deliberately. Henry is more of your natural cheat, able to cheat without even thinking about it. Anorak now brings you the moment that enabled all of Ireland to have a drink to drown their sorrows and feel hard done by for four years:

2

Image 1 of 10

Thierry Henry cheats by intuition. The boy's a natural!

Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (3)


I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Is Rubbed Off In Kim Woodburn Bust Up

katie-price-wetI’M A Celebrity: For the first time in weeks, there is not a single X Factor story on the cover of any paper, which can only mean one thing: Katie Price is wearing a bikini in the overgrown Blue Peter garden. The daily round-up of I’m A Celebrity news:

The Sun (front page): “Three on the bounce”

Jordan has now completed Three Bush Tucker trials. And it’s all because of Peter Andre:

Fans of her ex-hubby Peter Andre are said to have hatched an internet plot to force her to do EVERY trial in revenge for her treatment of the singer.

Good of the Sun to undercover this datardley plot on the shadowy web. What do we know?

One poster on Facebook wrote: “Keep voting for Kate to do all the tasks.”

Another added: “Vote her to do all the nasty trials.” Bookies made Jordan favourite to do the next trial.

Can it be that only two people vote for the celebs to be put up for challenges?Or is teh sun workign on away to keep Peter Andre in the jungle dynamic? In other news, there’s been a fight, what tabloids should call a BUST UP:

The Mirror: “Kim v Katie”

It’s televised pro-celebrity cleaning woman Kim Woodburn and Katie Price. Fumble? No. Rumble. Yes! Fight!

She looks as if she could handle herself in a physical confrontation and after her verbal rucking with Katie Price in the episode on telly a couple of hours ago, Kim’s obv up for a rumble in the jungle too…

The Mirror is writing in the manner of a text message to git din wiv da kidz. Back to the fight. Will Kim wipe the floor with Katie? Will Katie starts calling Kim ‘Quim’? The exchange goes like this:

Katie wants to know what the other campmates thing of her. This is good because ITV can now film Katie and the other celebs at the same time, instead of just Katie:

Gino In Da Campo: “I thought you would be a right bitch.”
Quim: “You are what I thought you’d be.”
Jordan: “What, a bitch?”
Quim: “You’re a publicity seeker. You live and die for publicity and you do it well. As Shakespeare once said, ‘We fear you protesteth too much.’”

Shakespeare might have said it but he never did write it down. Kim Woodburn is an authority on Shakespeare, that’s Brett Shakespeare, supplier of scouring pads to the rich and famous.

Jordan: “What do you mean?”
Kim: “You said you escaped to come in here but you’ve got 12 million people watching you every night. I don’t get that. What I’m saying is you do publicity very well and you protest all the time but love it. You live it and dream it.”
Jordan: “No, I used to love it”

Kim continues to rub away at the stain. But Jordan is constructed beneath indelible layers of felt tip and wood stain. Oh, if only breasts were elbows Kim would have the power to wipe Jordan from the face of the planet.

And it end with fisticuffs? Well, no:

Katie: “We’re all talented in our own way, Kim. I’ve got to laugh out loud to myself. I’m agreeing with you, Kim.”

Katie Price not in fight and gets on with campmates – read all about it! It’s MAYHEM!

See pictures of busty stars here.

I’m A Celebrity’s Sam Fox’s Career In Pictures

Me And My Chest: Peter Andre’s Career in Pictures

The Katie Price Burning: A Life In Pictures

Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (15)


I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price’s ‘Only Interview’ Causes ‘Mayhem’

katie-price-swampI’M A Celebrity In OK: In this weeks’ OK! magazine Katie Price delivers her “only interview” (today), Samantha Fox calls Jordan a “freak” and Kerry Katona says she’ll see Katie in the jungle.

It’s the I’m A Celebrity jungle special in this week’s OK! magazine as the organ trails the show that has, er, already started.

To make this one fly, and the £2,.60 cover price worth it, OK! needs a scoop. Can it find one?

“With a face full of Botox, a mouth like a Kalashnikov, a head packed with explosive secrets, celebrity tornado Katie Price is sure to cause total mayhem as she rips through the I’m a Celebrity… jungle camp.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, OK! | Comment


In Pictures: Twilight New Moon Premier With Robert Pattinson’s Acne Cure

THE Twilight New Moon Premier was amazing. Robert Pattinson (hair), Kristen Stewart (long face) and Taylor Lautner (teeth) were all there. Stood besides the red rug hundreds of hacks were jostling to ask Pattinson “How does it feel?” and “Can I touch your hair”, which they say can cure adult acne.

8037921

Image 1 of 35

SMILE!

Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Aliens Caught On Camera As 68 Score Wingsuit Skydiving Record

ALL over the internets pictures of “68 specially-qualified wingsuit skydivers” setting the “official US record for Wingsuit Formation Skydiving”.

It was in aide of Raise the Sky, an LA charity that wants to keep children in school.

But look again at the picture. There are not 68 parachutes. There are 70. Who are the other two skydivers? And why is one of them so tiny?

1. The 68 – this picture taken from the official website.

68

Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (9)


Belle De Jour Pictures: Brooke Magnanti Teaches Sex To Bel Mooney And Daily Mail Readers

brooke-magnantiBLOGGER and celebrity prostitute Belle de Jour is revealed to be Brooke Magnanti, and now her father, Paul Magnanti, is telling the about his life with prostitutes.

Now Belle de Jour’s father confesses: I used 150 call girls

(* “Now…” Watch: Now has become the Mail’s wail of choice. Look out for it.)

Belle de Jour’s estranged father broke down in tears last night as he revealed he had used more than 150 prostitutes himself – and had introduced his daughter to some of them.

Do you think he read her blog and, er, enjoyed it?

He believes that letting her meet some of the prostitutes when she was in her twenties may have made her think that women who sell sex can have a ‘human face’.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (5)


I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Is Benidorm In The Jungle, in Pictures

I’M A Celebrity comment do the day comes from Anorak reader Malcolm Henry:

They have transported the cast of Benidorm wholesale into the Jungle. . .

The proof:

Colin & Justin - I'm A Celebrity

Image 1 of 9

Colin & Justin - I'm A Celebrity


Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)


Katie Price Should Marry Samantha Fox To Give Her Kids A Better Start In Life, Research Says

katie-price-dykeRESEARCH suggests that any future romance between “lesbian” Katie Price and Samantha Fox in the I’m A Celebrity jungle may leads to better life for his children, Junior Peter Andre, Princess Tianaminime and Harvey.

Stephen Scott, director of research at the National Academy for Parenting Practitioners, has said his research shows children from lesbian couples do better in life than the offspring of heterosexual couples…

“Lesbians make better parents than a man and a women,” Mr Scott told a meeting for the launch of think tank Demos.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (6)


Michelle Thompson Orgasms 300 Times Every Day, Video

orgasm-300MICHELLE Thompson is a “single mum” who achieves “orgasm 300 times per day” as a result of her Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome in Nelson, Lancashire.

The news comes too late for Guinness World Record Day, which is sad. But Michelle Thompson is relieved because having “worn out” boyfriends she has met a bonobo monkey.

No, she met Andrew Carr, an “industrial cleaner”, and she and she “make love” 10 times a day“. Says she:

Andrew has changed my life. I’m no longer looking for a cure for my orgasms – I’ve found it.

“Now I have a huge grin on my face all the time, and it’s not just because of the orgasms.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (12)


I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price’s Lesbian Milf Affair And Therapy

janice-dickinson-lesbianI’M A Celebrity Watch: Anorak’s daily look at the jungle show in the news: Katie Price’s jungle therapy, lesbian affair, Milf credentials and proud kids.

Katie Price is not yet in the overgrown Blue Peter garden – but she still manages to be the only contestant to feature on any tabloid front pages.

In readiness for Jordan’s arrival, a swinging bench love seat has been erected on the spot where Peter Andre and Jordan fell for each other in 2004.

Producer Marty Benson admitted: “We want canoodling. The swing offers them some privacy. Hopefully they’ll talk about the other people in the camp. It’s surrounded by cameras, so we’ll capture everything they do on the swing. It’s located where Peter Andre wrote Insania in series three. It seemed appropriate somehow.”

Daily Star: “MY GIRL ON GIL JUNGLE LUST”

Katie Price has heard that Samantha Fox is a lesbian. Not a lesbian who pushes her big naked chest into another girl’s chest on Page 3 or has had her breasts groped by Trinny ‘The Tranny’ Woodall or Gok Wan, but an actual lesbian.

You know like, er, celebrity jungle alumni Janice Dickinson:

Janice, 54, who has flown to Australia for the ITV2 spin-off show Get Me Out Of Here Now, told the Daily Star: “Jordan is great. We had a lesbian affair on the flight over. It was great. We joined the mile high club. I didn’t know her until now.”

Not a grope on the flight but a full-blown affair, with dates, furtive texts, tears, melancholic taxi rides through rainy streets and loadsa shagging.

So expect lots of lesbian sex. As the Sun says:

Fumble in the jungle? Not at any Price

Phwoaar!!! In other news, we look at Katie’s mental health:

Daily Mirror: “I’m NOT nuts”

Beneath a picture of Katie Price looking like she emerged from Dr Frankenstein’s Cosmetic Studios – a child beauty pageant heads stuck onto a pair of Ford fiesta airbags and Barbies body – readers hear:

“For others, it’s a game show. For me, it’s closure. I’m going back to a place where a big fairytale began for me.

“I met my husband, I had two more beautiful children and six years on I’ve been married, divorced, ready to go back in. I’ve had a crap year and the fairytale has ended. I’m going in for closure.”

It’s not a telly show – it’s a place for Jordan to exorcise her demons. It’s therapy.

“People think I’m breaking down, I’ve lost the plot, I’m not a good mum, I’m a man-eater. They’ve got all these perceptions but I think that when people see me again, like last time, they’ll see I’m grounded, if not more grounded.”

See the Daily Star’s story all-too-unbelievable story about her being grounded aboard a Jumbo Jet Down Under before she sucks down a kangaroos genitals. This one’s for you, Pete. And the kids:

She said of her three children: “They’ll be able to watch me on telly and be proud of their mum.” But she also announced: “I am the jungle MILF” – referring to the cheeky term for “mum I’d like to f***”.

Mum I’d Like To **** is “cheeky” to the Sun. It makes you wonder what the tabloids consider crude.

Here’s Jordan to save a telly show that doesn’t need saving.

Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)


In Pictures, Dr Brooke Magnanti Is Web Prostitute Belle De Jour

belle-de-jour-bookDR Brooke Magnanti is Belle de Jour, the blogging London prostitute who charged a few hunderd pounds a night for her services (see pictures below). Says the nice Jewish doctor, a research scientist for The Bristol Initiative for Research of Child Health:

I don’t want this massive secret over me any more.”

And the massive threat that an ex-lower would spill the beans and ruin her. Of, course, what you want to know is what Bell de Jour looks like. What does £300 pounds a night get you? And could you earn the same? Here goes:

Posted: 15th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment


X Factor: Jamie Archer Out For Not Being Pretty Enough

jamie-archer-x-factor-outX FACTOR: Jamie Archer is out. Jedward were in the bottom three. No, not really. They got more votes than Stacey Solomon.

Jamie is beaten by non-singing Lloyd Daniels. Daniels remained mute while Jamie picked up forfeits. He won by default.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 15th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)


I’m A Celebrity Ge Me Out Of Here: Sabrina Washington And Stuart Manning So In Love

stuart-manning-celebrityWHAT odds on the two least know celebrities in the I’m A Celebrity jungle – Sabrina Washington and Stuart Manning – sharing a romance?

From the patio heater warmed Blue Peter Garden, the Mirror hears a source tell:

“Stuart has been following Sabrina around like a love-sick puppy. And she has been lapping up the attention and flirting outrageously.”

Stu-pot is gagging for it. As he says:

“I don’t want my private life played out on screen, to be honest…”

While Stuart’s agent takes him to one side and reminds him how it works – to be liked you must: flirt, smoke and replace the word “my” with “me” – Katie Price continues to speak like a talking tabloid. Here’s Katie making redtop sub-editors redundant:

“I’m coming here to win. All those who have come out against me won’t know what’s hit them.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 15th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)


X Factor Pictures: Ten Reasons Why Calvin Harris Abused Jedward With Rotten Fruit

calvin-harris-jedwardX FACTOR Watch: Calvin Harris runs across the stage as Jedward judder through a song like Simon Cowell’s Duracell gonks. Why did he do it? Why a pineapple? We have five reasons why Calvin Harris abused Jedward with rotten fruit.

1. Look At Me

Scheduled to appear on the Xtra Factor on ITV 2.1, Harris wanted to be on ITV1. And he was.

2.The Deranged Fan

The electro-musician ran on to the set holding a pineapple on his head, mimicking the quiffs donned by the brothers…An X Factor spokesman said: “Apparently Calvin is a huge John and Edward fan but it’s unacceptable to storm the stage whilst an act is performing.” – Sky

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 15th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)