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Susan Boyle Mania Creates Susan Boyle’s Mania

susan_boyle-promoSUSAN Boyle Mania gives way to Susan Boyle’s mania. The most famous woman that has ever walked the earth, the spiritual, moral and fiscal salve to all our ills, rests up in the Priory clinic.

Had it not been for Britain’s Got Talent, The Priory would have been deprived of a new celebrity resident. Anorak’s Susan Boyle Watch looks at the woman in the news:

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Posted: 2nd, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (12)


Danny La Rue RIPs Like Susan Boyle

dannyla-rueGOODBYE Danny La Rue, the first female impersonator to appear at the Royal Variety performance in front of the Queen.

“Mummy!” she cried.

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Posted: 1st, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (8)


Madeleine McCann Fears Swine Flu

maddie-swine-fluIT’S the media’s Third Summer Of Madeleine McCann and the hacks are planning their summer holidays? Guess where they’re going?

IN “Hissy fits and high fliers”, the Irish Independent prepares families for life in the summer holidays.

Once you have children, holidays become a very different prospect. If you decide to brave it, here are some tips to stay sane.

Drugs? Alcohol? A nanny?

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Posted: 1st, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (10)


The Top Five Susan Boyle Moments

susan-boyle-fatAS Susan Boyle prepares to forgo her knickers, shave her head and give broadsheet hacks a chance to write about Boyle Ghandi, and tabloid scribes an opening to wonder if sex with 48-year-old virgin is better than a shag with mum-of-two Britney Spearsvote now and vote often – (with expert opinion from Calum Best), we look back at Britain’s Got Talent.

What was the best bit? Anorak’s Top Five:

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Posted: 1st, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)


Bunny Boyler: Susan Boyle Checks Into Rehab

amy-winehouse-boyleSUSAN Boyle, the moral, spiritual and fiscal force of the age has checked into The Priory home for tired and emotional stars.

There she will meet and greet celebrities and remind them that following Jimmy Tarbuck and The Shadows on a Royal Variety Performance is not the be all and end all of life. What’s better – a comedy skit with Noel Edmonds or a lifetime supply of prescription drugs? No contest.

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Posted: 1st, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (21)


Policeman Fights Paramedics With Patient In Ambulance

brown-shirtsIN America, they give the idiots – the really dangerous idiots – a gun and a brown shirt. Yeah just like the Nazis.

Oklahoma’s Tulsa World newspaper reports on a fight between a brown-shirted highway patrol officer, who has pulled over an ambulance that was racing a patient to hospital, and the paramedic.

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Posted: 31st, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comments (4)


Giant Hairy Cow-Eating Pig Shot In Australia

giant-pigTHIS is a picture of a 220kg giant feral pig shot on a Pilbara cattle station after it was spotted eating a cow.

This is a picture of a fake giant pig that has been causing pig enthusiasts to have a cow.

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Posted: 31st, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism, Strange But True | Comments (4)


Madeleine McCann: In Morrocco With ‘Maddie’s Pervert’

new-maddie-suspectMADELEINE McCann Watch: “Maddie’s pervert” and the thin man watcheth…

DAILY Mirror: “COPS PROBE MADDIE PERVERT’S QUICK ESCAPE FROM PORTUGAL”

Justin Penrose has news of a “Maddie pervert” – someone who gets off on Our Maddie…

British police probing the disappearance of Madeleine McCann want to know why paedophile Raymond Hewlett left Portugal so quickly after she vanished.

Raymond Hewlett is now the Mirror’s  “Maddie Pervert”.

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Posted: 31st, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (86)


Everton Sponsored By Britain’s Got Talent

simon-cowell-faIT’S the FA Cup Final sponsored by Britain’s Got Talent. If anyone wanted to know how meaningful the FA Cup has become, know that it now blessed by Britain’s Got Talent.

Between 14:10 and 14:18 ITV anchor man Steve Rider mentioned Britain’s Got Talent on three occasions and just what BGT means to the FA Cup.

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Posted: 30th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Susan Boyle Sings At FA Cup Final

amanda-holden-boyleIT’S FA Cup final days and that means… lots more Susan Boyle. So Susan: Chelsea or Everton?

In “HAIRY ANGEL II” the Mirror’s footy mad David Maddock puts English football’s showpiece event in context:

Fellaini’s out to show that Belgium’s got talent, too!

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Posted: 30th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)


Susan Boyle Is The Hairy Pig

demi-moore-susan-boyle6SUSAN Boyle Watch: Susan Boyle is the Hairy Pig, spreading her Susan Bole Fever over the world.

But – look out – she might not make it. The Boyle virus is in danger!

Sky News: Boyle ‘May Be Harmed’ By Tonight’s Final

An assassin?

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Posted: 30th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (16)


Wikipedia Bans Scientology Sock Puppets

scinetology-suedTHE Wikipedia “supreme court” has banned contributions from all IP addresses owned or operated by the Church of Scientology and its associates – as it bans…

“Use of the encyclopedia to advance personal agendas – such as advocacy or propaganda and philosophical, ideological or religious dispute – or to publish or promote original research is prohibited.”

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Posted: 29th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment


Man Driven To Cocaine When Lover Forgets Gravy

gravy-boat-and-cocaine-spoonTO Bristol Magistrates’ Court, where reformed drug addict Paul Dibble tells The Beak that he turned to crack cocaine because his girlfriend didn’t make any gravy for their Sunday roast dinner.

Old Mr Anorak believes that, if true, this woman should be sent far from this place to Australia or somewhere equally hideous and made to understand the error of her ways. Your editor just wonders if crack can be liquefied and how much an entuire gravy boat of it would cost?

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Posted: 29th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment


Susan Boyle Struck Down By BoyleMania

susan-boyle-sexSUSAN Boyle is cracking up. Susan Boyle is the Hairy Egg. Susan Boyle can’t handle the fame and is going mad-mad-maaaaaad. Susan Boyle is swearing at fans and having temper tantrums in hotels and rowing with the police. Susan Boyle is behaving like a, er, popstar.

To emphasise how much the caring media cares for the moral, spiritual and fiscal salve to the world, experience these front-page headlines:

Daily Mail: “MY Fears For Big Brother’s Susan – by Big Brother psychologist”

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Posted: 29th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Breaking News: Susan Boyle Quits Britain’s Got Talent

susan-boyle-face5SUSAN  Boyle Quits Britain’s Got Talent. Susan Boyle the moral, fiscal and spiritual force has walked out of Britain’s got Talent!

Headlines:

Susan Boyle f***s off!

Recession returns!

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Posted: 29th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)


Susan Boyle Watch: Britain’s Got Tourette’s

susan-boyle-fuck-offSUSAN Boyle Watch – In which Susan Boyle behaves like a holidaymaker in London and tells coppers, Piers Morgan and Shaheen Jafargholi to fuck off.

SuBo goes loco”, screams the Sun. “Britain’s Got bad language,” announces the Mirror.

RANTING Susan Boyle completely lost her cool with TWO four-letter outbursts in a day, The Sun can reveal.

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Posted: 28th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (26)


Scientists Create Glowing Monkeys

glowing-monkeyJAPANESE scientists have created a monkey that glows green.

The “transgenic” marmosets, written about in Nature journal, can pass on their glowing gene to their offspring.

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Posted: 27th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment


The Most Bizarre Taxidermy Exhibits Ever

squirrel_boxing1GEARING up for the 2009 World Taxidermy and Fish Carving’s Championship, Old Mr Anorak has been slicing smoked salmon with no little excitement.

Between May 5 and May 9, 2009, our patron will be at the St. Charles Convention Center, St. Charles, Missouri, USA, carving fish and stuffing plain brown envelopes into almost lifelike brown bears.

Don’t Miss Taxidermy and Fish Carving’s Greatest Event!

The climax of the event is the 2009 World Show Awards Banquet, where $25,000.00 in cash prizes will be awarded. And you can eat what you once scooped.

In recognition of this seminal event, Anorak brings you the Most Bizarre Taxidermy Exhibits Ever:

Posted: 27th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism, Strange But True | Comment


Kim Jong Il’s Secret Picture Gallery

19KIM Jong Il is 67. Bits of him may be far younger – such as the platform heels he stands on, his hair and his Gary Glitter MP3 player imbedded into his left ear.

Kim Jong Il is in the news. There be rockets in North Korea. One may even one day contain Kim Il Jong; a last desperate attempt to break the human cannonball record – human cannonbalism being the apogee of the North Korean dream.

Anorak takes a look at Kim il-Jong’s life in pictures:

Posted: 27th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism, Politicians | Comment


Madeleine McCann: Kidnapper Located

scarface-mccannMADELEINE McCann Watch: Having re-established Our Maddie as a lead news story, the Daily Express delivers a front-page headline to match anything that has passed as news before:

MADDIE: ‘SNATCHER’ LIVES ONLY 500 YARDS FROM THE FLAT

Nick Fagge and Martin Evans deliver the killer facts. Not only was Madeleine McCann “SNATCHED” – Fact! – but the SNATCHER lives – not lived; lives! – a short distance from the McCanns’ holiday flat.

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Posted: 27th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (7)


Raymond Hewlett Is Today’s Madeleine McCann Victim

maddie-mccann2MADELEINE McCann Watch: convicted paedo Raymond Hewlett agrees to meet McCanns’ detectives…

The Sun screams: “Paedo Hewlett says he will talk”

Says Clarence Mitchell, spokesman for the McCanns – no longer suspects in the disappearance of their daughter Madeleine McCann but who, nonetheless, retain a PR to offer this no comment-comment on Raymond Hewlett:

“The investigators are pleased to hear that Mr Hewlett has agreed to speak to them.

“An interview with him will be arranged and will take place in due course.

“We will not be going into public detail about where or when that interview will take place.”

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Posted: 26th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (6)


The Susan Boyle Effect Cures The Recession

boyle-haloSUSAN Boyle Watch: on Susan’s Boyle’s skin, Susan Boyle’s antidote and Susan Boyle film…

“Susan Boyle’s Got Acne – Is That a Problem?”

The UK’s Got Talent star Susan Boyle is the unassuming Scottish songster who has bags of talent and less glamorous looks. Has she got acne, too – as some reports suggested? Is adult acne a problem? The answer is ‘yes’ for millions of adults who suffer adult acne.

The point is, adult acne and acne treatment is available to anyone at any age and our new website at AcneSkincareReviews carries the latest, original articles and reviews of some of the leading acne treatment procedures and products – LawFuel

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Posted: 26th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Big Brother Star Tells Of ‘Affair’ With Married Katie Price

billi-bhattiJORDAN did cheat on Peter with me,” says Big Brother’s Billi.

Heat magazine leads with news of Katie Price and Big Brother star emeritus Billi Bhatti, the male model modelled on Zoolander, who claims that between August 2007 and May 2008 he and Jordan had an “online affair”.

Says Bhatti:

“She was pretty dirty. She sent me a load of images exposing herself, as well as a video.”

Wow! Everyone else has to search online for those. Go on…

Bhatti, we learn, once dated Katie’s younger sister Sophie, “briefly” in December 2007. He says he met Katie in the gadget shop where he worked. Then when he left Big Brother, they met again in London’s Embassy club.

They then emailed each other. They also used MSN and Facebook. Bhatti bought a webcam, maybe using his gadget shop insider knowledge.

Heat says it has seen the messages “in full”. But it probably considers them too dull even for its readers, because Bhatti delivers no evidence of any sexual contact, just a few limp claims:

“She didn’t get fruity that quickly. I’d say it was after Christmas 2007 and early 2008. She’d mess around and flirt. I remember a conversation about Valentine’s Day, and I asked her what she was planning. She was like, ‘Whatever Peteys lined up for me – a threesome, hopefully…”

This and the video – to Heat at least – “prove that Jordan was cheating on her husband months ago”. To Heat it is a “shocking revelation”.

To the rest of us it a story of a failed celebrity talking to a woman who made her fortune getting her Jordans out and dry humping her husband on the telly.

Says Bhatti:

“Jordan and I, at this point, were having an online affair which lasted about nine months.”

Ending when Jordan gave birth to a Nokia 210e.

“I saw her on webcam once, but it didn’t really work. She told me to get one because I didn’t have one and she was like, ‘You don’t see me until I see you.’”

Which, if true, would account for the massive surge in webcam sales ever since Katie started exposing her selection of Jordans.

“So I got one, but she never stayed on it for very long. She would tell me to expose myself. I just thought , ‘It’s OK, she won’t do anything with that.”

Self-deprecation thy name is Bhatti. He goes on:

“She watched me doing that to myself. She was watching me via webcam. She never did anything on webcam for me.”

Having told heat readers that he is a w*****, the magazine delivers the clincher:

“At one point the online conversation the pair were so desperate to send each other saucy snaps that when Billi confessed the batteries were low on his digital camera Jordan suggested taking them from the remote control.”

And pressing fast forward…

Posted: 26th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)


Madeleine McCann: An Interview With Raymond Hewlett

maddy-hewlett2BILD, the German tabloid, has spoken with Raymond Hewlett, the convicted paedophile, about being on the Madeleine McCann radar.

Interestingly, the paper blurs a  picture of his face. Innocent until proven guilty? Well, in Germany, it would seem so. But in the UK..?

BILD: How are you?

RH: “Not very good, more like bad!”

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Posted: 25th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (24)


Islam Copyrights Allah, Sues Catholicism: Video

godTHE word Allah is the property of Islam and anyone else using it will be sued. Really. In Malaysia:

A Catholic church in Malaysia which prays to Allah has prompted a court case over who can use the word.

Muslim leaders say Islam should be the only faith to use it, saying its use in other faiths could lead to confusion and conversions.

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Posted: 25th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (7)