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Shannon Matthews Teddy Bear Related To Madeleine McCann Cuddle Cat

shannon-matthews-karen-matthewsKAREN Matthews – Kate McCann wannabe – is the subject of a TV documentary.

And you need to watch the show because Sky tells us:

The jailed mother of Shannon Matthews is convinced by her own lies, a documentary will suggest tonight.

Convinced. Suggest. Two words that don’t sit comfortably together. But what of the news that the woman serving an eight year sentence for kidnap, false imprisonment and perverting the course of justice thinks she is innocent?

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Posted: 18th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (25)


Katie Price and Peter Andre Divorce Exclusive: Kate Moss Shelves Book

katie-price-sienna-miller-kate-mossSADIE Frost and Kate Moss and Katie Price and Jordan have something in common. Now read on…

Sadie Frost has installed double glazing and stuck tampons in her ears, but even she can no longer resist the public clamour for an act-’n’-tell book about her time with Jude Law. Or, as the Mirror puts it:

Sadie Frost has finally given in to pressure to write the tell-all biography we’ve all been dying to read – and promises it’ll be juicy.

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Posted: 17th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


The ‘Other Man’ In Katie Price Peter Andre Divorce Is A Woman

rebecca-loos-jordanDAY Six of the Peter Andre – Katie Price Divorce Master class: with Rebecca Loos, a gay barman and horses…

The Star leads with a picture of David Beckham sexter Rebecca Loos and he headline:

“PETER BLAMED ME FOR STEALING JORDAN.”

It’s Rebecca Loos. Is the woman who claimed to have shagged David Beckham the other “Man” that Katie Price told The Apprentice agonist Mona Lewis she loved?

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Posted: 17th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)


Katie Price “In Love With Another Man”

katie-price-dwightDAY Six of the Peter Andre – Katie Price Divorce Master class: Katie is “in love with another man”…

Says the Sunday Mirror:

Katie Price confessed her marriage was over and declared: “I’m in love with another man” two months before her public split with Peter Andre.

The glamour queen poured out her heart for three hours and said: “Me and Pete are splitting up… I’ve fallen for someone else.”

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Posted: 17th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)


Madeleine McCann: Kate McCann And Gerry McCann Sue Goncalo Amaral

amaral-book-plugMADELEINE McCANN: The parents of Madeleine McCann are suing the
former Portuguese police chief Goncalo Amaral.

Over the newswires, a statement by Kate and Gerry McCann:

“We – together with our three children Madeleine, Sean and Amelie – are taking this legal action against Goncalo Amaral over his entirely unfounded and grossly defamatory claims -made in all types of media, both within Portugal and beyond – that Madeleine is not only dead, but that we, her parents, were somehow involved in concealing her body.”

It had to happen. The McCanns are innocent. Amaral is acting on a hunch. If he had proof that Madeleine McCann is dead – let alone that she died in the family holidy flat; let alone that crime has been committed –  he would have presented a case against them.

Instead he has become a celebrity. He wrote a book – The Truth of the Lie – and featured in a television documentary.

The statement continues:

“The primary reason for our legal action is simple: to stop any negative effect that these absurd and deeply hurtful claims may be having on the ongoing search for Madeleine.

“We can no longer stand back and watch as Mr Amaral tries to convince the entire world that Madeleine is dead.

“Nor can we allow this blatant injustice to Madeleine, with its obvious risk of hindering our attempts to find her, to continue.

“Mr Amaral’s entirely unjustified claims have not only brought indescribable devastation and suffering to our lives, they have hugely compounded the already immense pain and anxiety we have endured since Madeleine’s abduction.”

We have been here before. And the McCanns have won before.

Madeleine McCann is missing – and we are still watching the parents
Madeleine McCann: The Story In Pictures
Madeleine McCann: More on Amaral’s Book And Tabloid Bingo With Prince Harry

New TV Documentary Accuses Kate And Gerry McCann
Madeleine McCann: Amaral Accuses Kate McCann
Madeleine McCann: Goncalo Amaral’s Film, Selling Maddie And In Uganda
Madeleine McCann: Police Errors, Kate And Gerry McCann Speak, And Amaral’s Book
Madeleine McCann: Selling Amaral’s Opinion As Faction
Madeleine McCann: The Maddie Crunch, Goncarlo Amaral’s Interview And Lawyers
Madeleine McCann: The Truth Of The Lie, The Missing Pages And Blonde Lawyers

Posted: 16th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (126)


Katie Price Sends Secret Message To Peter Andre

katie-price-twitterDAY Five of the Peter Andre – Katie Price Divorce Master class: Katie is sending out a secret message by internet telegram Twitter to Pete…

KATIE Price has sent a message to pop acorn Peter Andre – over the public broadcast service that is Twitter. Peter, come in Peter – do you read me, Peter. Over?

“I’m still keeping a dignified silence. I have made no comments, they are made up.”

Stop.

“I’m heartbroken. I never wanted any of this. We all miss Pete.”

Stop.

Coming home

Pete: “Stop… coming… home. Over.”

Peter: “Stop coming home! How can she be so cruel. In school. With drool. Play the fool. Spool. Cagoule.”

Chorus: Awww Pete!”

Peter: “Jordan. Warden. Gordon (Brown) – heeee know howwww ai feeeeel. Jordan. Last Tube to Morden, via Bank…”

Repeats until OK! deal is signed.

Jordan and Pete’s PR masterclass

The Other Woman In Katie Price And Peter Andre’s Divorce Tells All
Kerry Katona And Jade Goody React To Katie Price Divorce
Katie Price And Peter Andre Divorce: Sex Tapes With Animals
The Other Man In Katie Price and Peter Andre’s Divorce Tells All
Harvey Gets The House In Katie Price And Jordan Divorce
Jordan And Peter Andre Divorce: Video
Dr Peter Andre Serenades Jordan
Jordan And Peter Andre Move House
Jordan And Peter Andre Return To The US
Jordan And Peter Andre’s Naked Publicity Stunt
Katie Price And Peter Andre See Each Other For First Time And Split
Katie Price and Peter Andre Split Exclusive: Jordan Tells All
Katie Price Splits From Agents
Katie Price And Andre Are Back Together

Posted: 16th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


The Other Woman In Katie Price And Peter Andre’s Divorce Tells All

jordan-shackletonSOME more refreshingly ambiguous reporting on the Katie Price – Peter Andre divorce as the Telegraph brings readers:

Katie Price ‘lines up Sir Paul McCartney’s divorce lawyer’ against Peter Andre

A statement of fact – followed by a teaser of circumspection:

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Posted: 16th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Peter Andre Speaks About His Divorce From Katie Price

peter_andre-jordan1DAY Five of the Peter Andre – Katie Price Divorce Master class: Pete is sobbing, Katie is tanning and the columnist are sniping and praying…

In the Star, readers hear from Peter Andre:

PETE: KATE’S DESTROYED ME

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Posted: 16th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Real New York Housewife Bethenney Frankel Is Peta’s Dumb Naked Animal Of The Month

bethenny-petaPETA, the self-appointed voices of dumb animals, have secured the services of Bethenny Frankel to be their Dumb Animal Of The Month.

Frankel is a natural foods chef and is currently on The Real Housewives of New York City on Bravo. In 2009 Frankel published ‘Naturally Thin – Unleash Your Skinnygirl & Free Yourself from a Lifetime of Dieting’.

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Posted: 15th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Marty And Midge: The Great Race Video

marty-and-midgeMARTY and Midge, in which Martin Humphreys races his cat Midge. The Great Race will be screened at the Cannes Film Festival.

Midge never lets Marty pass. Midge has one eye on the road – and the same eye on Martin. Midge has one eye in its head.

“One time I decided to run with her. I tried to overtake her and this most astonishing thing happened. She accelerated – and wouldn’t let me beat her.

“We race most days. I don’t want to give too much away but she does always beat me.”

Man V Cat – the prequel:

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Posted: 15th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment


Farrah Fawcett’s Entertaining Death

farrah-fawcettBEEP! WE interrupt this publication to bring you news from CCN (Celebrity Cancer News). Farrah Fawcett has cancer, and stars in Farrah’s Story, the story of a woman’s battle with cancer.

The Daily Mail has pictures:

Farrah Fawcett pictured in her hospital bed: Heart-rending documentary shows early stages of Angel’s cancer battle.

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Posted: 15th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (9)


Swine Fever: MPs Expenses, Repossessions And Alan Duncan’s Gardening Video

alan-duncan-money-treeLET’S play Tabloid Bingo! See if you can join up the following stories:

Eyes down!

The number of people who have lost their homes has soared by more than 50% in the first three months of the year.

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Posted: 15th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (9)


The Other Man In Katie Price and Peter Andre’s Divorce Tells All

jordan-peter-andre-sexJORDAN and Peter Andre Divorce Masterclass: Day 3: Jordan’s other man.

In “JORDAN JUMPER: I DIDN’T JUMP HER”, the Sun’s Brian Flynn introduces readers to “Married Andrew Gould, 28”, the “hunky horseman”, who says sex with Jordan is “out of the equestrian” and, “We’ve never had a relationship.”

Adding:

“I’m not interested in her at all that way. There’s no reason for Pete to be jealous.”

So that’s it. Move on. Here’s the Mirror’s front page:

“I am the man who broke up Jordan’s marriage – “HORSE HUNK REVEALS ALL.”

Back in the Sun:

He pointed out his wife was among the group who joined Jordan at a Bristol club after the Badminton Horse Trials. Wife Polly, 29, said: “We’re all just friends.”

That would be his wife who was out of shot in every picture published in the press? Will all now be revealed? The wife, of whom the Star says:

The handsome dressage trainer, who has two sons with his PR executive wife Polly, 29, has stables in West Sussex near Kate’s home.

Andrew adds:

“I did say I wasn’t the guy in the club. I didn’t mind it coming out, but Kate didn’t want Pete to know I was there because of how he reacts.”

Here’s the angle – the boozy meeting in city nightclub with the most recognisable chest in showbiz was clandestine…

Andre is asked if he knew Jordan before he sat her on a horse?

“Before Kate came to my stables I never really knew anything of her. I don’t follow the celebrity world. These rumours I hear of what she was like out clubbing, and seeing pictures of her falling out of clubs — I’ve never seen that side of her.”

How the press love pictures of Jordan in clubs, eh… And right now the hacks love Andrew Gould:

The riding champ, who has posed for saucy model pics in the past, claims he drove Jordan’s hubby “Insania” with jealousy… Andrew, one of the top five riders in the country, has posted a moody David Beckham-style pose on his official website.

And the press loves Twitter. So though Jordan has “fled” to the Maldives with her children, she finds time to send the fans a message in 140 characters or less:

“Thank you for all your support. It means so much.”

How much we might find out next month when Katie and Pete are due to meet with their agent in the US…

Jordan and Pete’s PR masterclass

Harvey Gets The House In Katie Price And Jordan Divorce
Jordan And Peter Andre Divorce: Video
Dr Peter Andre Serenades Jordan
Jordan And Peter Andre Move House
Jordan And Peter Andre Return To The US
Jordan And Peter Andre’s Naked Publicity Stunt
Katie Price And Peter Andre See Each Other For First Time And Split
Katie Price and Peter Andre Split Exclusive: Jordan Tells All

Posted: 14th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment


Harvey Gets The House In Katie Price And Jordan Divorce

katie-peter-runKATIE PRICE and Peter Andre are “AT WAR”. So says the Mirror’s front page, which spots Price armed with her famous Jordan bazookas (TM) take on Peter’s Agent Orange.

Its turns out this is remote war, fought with technology over vast distances. Andre is in Cyprus with his brothers. Jordan is in the Maldives with their two youngest children.

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Posted: 14th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)


Dr Peter Andre Serenades Jordan

peter_andre-singsNOW split from Katie Price and her Jordans, Peter Andre would like to be called a Doctor.

Dr Peter has penned Call Me A Doctor, a tune that puts his dream of being a man of letters into verse.

Sings Pete:

She was my girl, my closest friend, my honey,

This girl was all I ever needed,

What will I do now that I’m leaving?

It hurts bad ‘cos I was true to her,

I’m regretting having anything to do with her.

Not since Dr and The Medics took us on up to the Spirit in the Sky has a medical man put so much heart into his throat. Not since ever has an orange doctor rhymed “her” with “her” so effectively.

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Posted: 13th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)


Hitler’s Pope Moves Against Israel

pope-wailing-wallWAS the Pope in the Hitler Youth by choice? On Hit and Run, Michael C. Moynihan spots that Matt Drudge is leading with Israeli criticism of Pope Benedict’s Holocaust speech at Yad Vashem.

Speaker of the Knesset Reuven Rivlin stepped up attacks on Benedict, accusing him of a fascist past: “He came and told us as if he were a historian, someone looking in from the sidelines, about things that should not have happened. And what can you do? He was a part of them.”

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Posted: 13th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (11)


Labour Peer And BBC Presenter Fight To The Death Live On TV

foulkesWHAT follows is footage of a row between Labour peer Lord Foulkes and BBC news presenter Carrie Gracie.

You are expected to know who Foulkes and Gracie are, being news junkies. But it’s hard to keep up.

The Mail says Foulkes is friends with Michael Martin, the House of Commons Speaker. They look a lot alike. And Anorak wonders if they are the same man working an elaborate expenses dodge?

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Posted: 12th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (3)


Madeleine McCann: Police Let Kidnapper Go

madeleine-mccann-suspectsMADELEINE McCANN Watch: In which Mr Scar Face is named and detectives find five new suspects..

Daily Star: “MADDIE COPS SNUBBED ME OVER SPOTTY”

THE key witness who saw the spotty man suspected of snatching Madeleine McCann says she was ignored by bungling police.

Of him – WTF! Face, the latest and ugliest suspect do far. So who is the women who saw the unforgettable face of the man?

The creepy character was seen watching the McCanns’ holiday apartment three days before the youngster was abducted. The British tourist witness, 36, was so spooked by the sinister stranger she pulled her three-year-old daughter away from him.

Because he was trying to get her?

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Posted: 12th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Reviews | Comments (62)


Top Tories Put Shit On Expenses

pig-in-shitIN Top Tories Put Shit On Expenses, Anorak readers learn not how Tory Lords claimed for each shit they took in an official capacity, at work or in their second homes. No, that would be taking the piss.

This is to do with former minister David Heathcoat-Amory,who claimed £380 for horse shit.

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Posted: 12th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (9)


The Greatest Ever 4-Eyed Footballers

4-eyes-nobby-stiles

 

THE Johnny Cash song “A Boy Named Sue” tells the tale of a man whose father gave him a girl’s name in order to toughen him up –
the reasoning being that he would be taunted mercilessly and forced to defend himself.

The former Manchester United and England footballer Nobby Stiles puts forward a similar explanation for his development as a hard man of the tough-tackling terrier variety. With a name like Norbert, he didn’t have much choice. It probably didn’t help that he was a speccy little herbert. Or, if you prefer, a four-eyed midget.

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Posted: 11th, May 2009 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)


Katie Price And Peter Andre See Each Other For First Time And Split

peter-katiePETER Andre and Katie Price have separated after four years of marriage.

Says Peter:

“For the first three years I was in a different room to her. Then she had her Jordans reduced and we met eye-to-eye for the first time. It was dreadful. I had been speaking to her breasts for ages and we’d formed a real bond. But with Katie it was hard work and we never clicked.”

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Posted: 11th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (8)


Susan Boyle Camel Toe

susan-camel-toeSUSAN Boyle to Oprah:

“I’ve just tidied up a bit like any woman would.”

Spotter and Image via Jason Jay

Posted: 11th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)


Jamie Oliver Joins Ryan Seacrest On A Mission

oliver-jamie-salvation-armyFIRST Madonna leaves Blighty, then Little Britain and now ABC is taking Jamie Oliver to the US in a mission to scare the batter from the KFC class, to introduce them to Oliver’s Good Food Bible.

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Posted: 11th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)


Perverted Jews To Blame For Swine Flu, Says Egypt

jews-swine-fluSWINE Flu. Let’s blame the Jews:

A new fatwa published in Egypt determines that the source of all the existing pigs in the world is Jews, who were cursed by Allah. The new edict was issued by Sheikh Ali Osman from the Egyptian Waqf ministry.

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Posted: 11th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment


Susan Boyle: Hairy Angel Rejects Obama

obama-boyleSUSAN Boyle Watch: In which Susan Boyle snubs Barack Obama.

As the News of the World reports:

SUSAN Boyle turned down the chance of a dream dinner date with President Barack Obama in Washington . . . to stay at home and wash her hair, we can reveal.

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Posted: 10th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)