SAD to say that Regretsy, the site that documented the “objects d’fart” for sale on craft site easy? Etsy sells handcrafted and vintage things. Well, so it says. Much of the stuff is good. A lot of it is haunting. And it still sells:
EXTRACTS from Robert Baden-Powell’s Scouting for Boys. In the Intro, Baden Powell signed off “Chief Scout of the World”. The book was originally published in installments every other Wednesday from January 15, 1908:
You should remember that being one fellow among many others, you are like one brick among many others in the wall of a house. If you are discontented with your place or your neighbors or if you are a rotten brick, you are no good to the wall. You are rather a danger. If the bricks get quarrelling among themselves the wall is liable to split and the whole house to fall.
While Pink Floyd hummed that, boys just hummed:
“The result of ‘self-abuse’ is always—mind you, always—that the boy after a time becomes weak and nervous and shy, he gets headaches and probably palpitation of the heart, and if he still carries it on too far he very often goes out of his mind and becomes an idiot… several awful diseases come from indulgence—one especially that rots away the inside of men’s mouths, their noses, and eyes, etc.”
Etc? Sounds ominous.
“Avoid listening to stories or reading or thinking about dirty subjects”
And then, oddly:
“It is at present a disgrace and a danger to England that from want of self-restraint among men and women thousands upon thousands of children are born every year for whom there is no work and no money.”
JEREMY Kyle has cancer. But he vows to be back on the telly just as soon as his testicles are better. When someone falls ill, it might be a good time to quieten your negative feelings for them. So, here was Dermot O’Leary at the man-hugging, back-slapping National Television awards (Jan 23) reportedly saying:
“Jeremy Kyle can’t be here tonight. He’s poorly. That’s karma for you.”
GERALD Scarfe has just achieved the notable achievement of forcing Rupert Murdoch into a public apology, after his Sunday Times cartoon of Israel’s prime minister, with its overtones of blood libel, attracted widespread accusations of anti-semitism.
“Four years ago, Barack Obama’s first act as President was an executive order to close the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The White House created a position at State of ‘special envoy’ to Guantanamo, whose duties included reviewing the pending cases with Attorney General Eric Holder, and diplomacy with allies to place the current detainees in order to close the facility. Four years later, the only thing being closed is Special Envoy Daniel Freed’s office.”
CENSORSHIP reared its ugly head again this week, as the BBC cut a line of dialogue from the classic comedy Fawlty Towers, in which the ‘old-fashioned’ major tells Basil about the time he took a lady to see India play cricket at the Oval:
‘The strange thing was, throughout the morning she kept referring to the Indians as niggers. “No, no, no,” I said, “the niggers are the West Indians. These people are wogs”.’
TO the 30th AVN Awards Show at The Joint in the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas. Penthouse Video’s Kelly Holland assures us: From the golden statuettes, an entwined boy-girl couple, to the entertainment (less skin than a Rihanna performance on the X Factor), the show reeked of lip balm professionalism. America takes its porn seriously. This is a business worth £8.5 billion. The awards feature a gong for Best Overall Marketing Campaign and Best Educational Release for Belladonna’s How To: F**k!. In a nod to equality there was an award for Best Transsexual Sex Scene. Look out for award for Best Assertiveness Programme in the Workplace Scene (Tie Me Up Boss), Best Support of Diversity in the Workplace (Somalians On Top), Best Use of Interns (Barely Legal Office Work). Here are the porn stars who make looking at people having sex something you can do without breaking the law or invading privacy:
IT’S been a while since the last Operation Yewtree arrest. The Met’s enquiry into alleged child sexual exploitation by the late Jimmy Savile and others, has gone a bit quiet.
There have been nine arrests so far. Enough for a game of Celebrity Squares, the 1970s noughts and crosses gameshow with a twist. There should be further arrests – the Star promised more on January 13, stating: “Savile cops will arrest seven more stars” – but many VIPS (as they were known in their pomp) are dead. Also, if the Star can make celebrities of X Factor also-rans and minor soap opera actors, the Celebrity Police Force might not think it worth the effort to nick a Crossroads extra. We could dig up some real stars gone by, but then we’d be necrophiliacs, like Jimmy Savile.
REPORTING on the alleged Oxford child sex abusers – nine men stand accused of raping and sexually abusing children – has been restricted by the ongoing trial. But what has not been said can be as illuminating as what has been said.
Seven of the nine male defendants are of Pakistani origin and two are North African. All the alleged victims are white.
The Times does report those facts.
The men are aged between 24 to 38. The children were aged between 11 and 15 when the alleged abuse occurred.
“I SAY to you this, America. And this I say to you. Barack Obama is your President. He is my President. He is the…” There is something dull about Obama. He words swoop and soar but land on nothing. You want a definite but all you get is emotion. In place of precision, you get talk of change and hope. We know he’s busy. Things need doing. But in public, his words sound empty, a contrived, bland blend of Woody Guthrie’s homage to America (This Land is Your Land), the Narrator in a child’s Nativity show and self-improvement books. And somehow, Obama’s speaking makes the everyday sound bigger. He says “a decade of war is now ending. An economic recovery has begun.” Does that America has won the war? Is the recession over? No need for details. He has decreed it. And thus is shall be…
Here are the photos of Obama’s inauguration. Sorry, not photos These are the pictures of humanity that can take us forward. These photos can be pinned to your walls of your home, church, mosque, synagogue and classroom. They can be seen by a white man at a desk, a Muslim woman on her way to pray, a Jewish girl with a pierced navel and a Hispanic woman with three kids to feed and a husband watching the nation’s athletes on his television set. A picture taken in Washington by a woman from Arizona of a man from Chicago that can be framed by wood taken from our great forests and hung by the metal hook mined by toil and endeavour from beneath our huddled feet.
RICHARD Madeley writes in the Daily Express about a new kind of health lottery. He recalls the case of Thomas Passant, On Januray 7, 2012, the Express reported:
AN ambulance crew took more than 40 minutes to reach a critically ill baby because they were on a lunch break, his parents said last night. Eight-week-old Thomas Passant “died” for four minutes before being resuscitated after a heart attack and is still fighting for his life. He has undergone 14 hours of open-heart surgery and faces a life of disability.
Parents Kate Oram and Matthew Passant called West Midlands Ambulance Service after Thomas had a cardiac arrest at their home in Bridgnorth, Shropshire, on December 17. They were stunned when the operator told them the crew was unavailable as it was on a lunch break.
IT’S Cold. But it’s not as cold as it was in 1963. Back then, Siberian winds froze the sea and London’s waterways. The Royal Navy used an icebreaker to keep Chatham dockyard open. Children at schools used whatever was to hand to smash the ice in toilets. In Wales, water was rationed. The fierce winds and driven snow meant that the 3rd round of the FA Cup took 66 days to complete.
SO. David Bowie’s somewhat nondescript new single hit number one, and the newspapers are hailing his new album as a masterpiece, as they have done with every album he has produced since his last commercially successful ‘LP’ (as then was) 33 years ago.
Those themselves under the age of 33 might be forgiven for wondering what all the fuss is about, but the fact is that Bowie remains the sole pop artist worthy of standing alongside the giants of the 1960s. Between 1969 and 1977 he produced a series of albums to rank, in their range and quality, with those of Bob Dylan, the Beatles, the Beach Boys, the Who and the rest. Some would go further and argue that his mid-sixties, late seventies and early eighties work deserves equal billing too.
IN Esquire, you can read an interview with Megan Fox. Stephen Marche reports. Highlights are many. Fox has a history of delivering airy bon mots. You can read out collection of her best here. After this article, however, that will need updating:
He likes her looks:
The symmetry of her face, up close, is genuinely shocking. The lip on the left curves exactly the same way as the lip on the right. The eyes match exactly. The brow is in perfect balance, like a problem of logic, like a visual labyrinth. It’s not really even that beautiful. It’s closer to the sublime, a force of nature, the patterns of waves crisscrossing a lake, snow avalanching down the side of a mountain, an elaborately camouflaged butterfly. What she is is flawless.
STACIE Halas, 32, will not be teaching class in California. The middle school teacher with the porn actress past (photos NSFW) has been deemed “unfit” for purpose. In April, 2012, Halas was removed from her post as a science teacher at Haydock Intermediate School in Oxnard after students and teachers “discovered” her porno past.
She had not worked in porn whilst a teacher in the district.
Chris Yates, an independent aviation expert, told Sky News:
“Helicopters are not supposed to come within 500 feet of any structure such as a high-rise building, so we don’t know what caused the pilot to get quite so close. We don’t know the circumstances he was operating in at the time – whether there was a problem with the helicopter itself, whether he misread his instructions or received false instructions from air traffic control.”
Guido Fawkes wonders if the lights atop Vauxhall tower was on. Tweets from last year suggesting that sometimes it was not.
Mark Louis Sidney told Sky News:
“I heard a loud bang, I looked up and saw bits of propeller and parts of the aircraft falling off it and then plummeting down. Then a plume of smoke went up. I called the emergency services. It happened in a matter of a seconds before it was on the ground. I thought ’Wait a minute, has this thing been shot out of the sky or what?’. I could see the top of the crane was shaking on the top of the building. It was very foggy so the helicopter probably couldn’t see it.”
Chris Matthison tells the BBC:
“There was some damage to the crane. It’s possible the crane is lying across Nine Elms road. The top of the nearest building is steeped in mist and difficult to see.”
Michael Krumstets tells the Guardian:
“The helicopter nearly killed me and my flatmate. We were right next to it, just feet away from where it exploded. We we were walking to work and saw the helicopter clip the top of the crane – there was a loud crack – and it came spinning out of control towards us. I just can’t believe what I saw, it was awful. When you see a helicopter hurtling out of the sky towards you, spinning, your legs turn to jelly, you have a sense of shock. My flatmate fell over, I had to run back to grab him. It missed us by just a few feet, it was just so lucky.”
Mike Moody (Times):
“We woke up to the sound of an explosion and then screems. (I) looked out of the window and saw a woman screaming, saw the smoke and we ran for it basically. I’m still in my pyjamas with my jeans over the top. The smoke was very very close to our flat; it was literally the building next door and so we went outside and we saw there was till what sounded like explosions – I assume it was the cars. There was a land rover, a black land rover that was on fire at about 5 to 10 metres from my door, just on the corner of Miles Street and Wandsworth road which were people trying to put out but other people were saying we’ve got to move because that will explode. Some of the construction workers from where the crane was told us just basically said everyone move now this is really, really dangerous. Go. We left. ”
“There was someone in the range rover that was on fire but he got out. It was only a small fire on the bonnet at the time. He was taken out of the car by the consturction workers, they pulled him out. It looked like Baghdad. Lots of people screaming, crying. No-one really sure what was going on. I rang my mum at 5 minutes past 8 and we left at 6 minutes past 8 because that’s when I rang her back to say we’d been told to move.“
BBC journalist: “Did you think it was a terrorist attack…?” Eye-witness: “No.”
Sarah-Beth Casey told Sky News:
“You’re always worried about things like 9/11 and things like that. I have three small children with me in the flat. It’s one of your fears that something like this can happen. When I heard the explosion – it was like a little earthquake … a gas explosion. I looked up to see debris falling off the tower.”
Ray Watts (Times):
“It looked like 9/11 with bits falling everywhere. There was about 20 of us outside the building and we all started running. Some went into the security hut but it was just a wooden shack so they soon got out. I just legged it across the road and when I looked back I saw the crane boon land on my truck. There was stuff coming down everywhere.”
The Government announcement
From: Government Whips Admin Unit (HOC) Sent: 16 January 2013 08:47 Subject: Travel disruption
Following a helicopter crash in Vauxhall this morning colleagues should be aware there will be serious travel disruption in the area.
You may need to leave earlier in time for the deferred division.
Witnesses said the helicopter – which left Gatwick Airport, Sussex, at 7:36am and was heading to Elstree, Hertfordshire, to collect an executive – was using the route of the River Thames and hit a crane at the top of the tower near Vauxhall Bridge in Vauxhall, central London, at 8am.
Pilots flying helicopters over London are subject to air traffic control clearance. If they are flying over central London they must have twin-engined aircraft. Those flying one-engined aircraft must follow the route of the River Thames when operating in the capital.
HELICOPTER ROUTES IN THE LONDON CTR AND LONDON/CITY CTR
A section of the Crane lays in Nine Elms Lane, after crashing to the ground close to St George’s Wharf tower building, where a Helicopter crashed into this morning, in Vauxhall south London.
General View of Rotormotion at Redhill Aerodrome in Surrey from where the helicopter piloted by Pete Barnes set of before crashing to the ground close to St George’s Wharf tower in Vauxhall, South London after the pilot attempted to divert due to bad weather.
Undated handout photo of the AgustaWestland 109 (AW109) Power
WHEN 86-year-old Playboy mogul Hugh Hefner married 26-year-old Playmate bride Crystal Harris there was a cake. Atop the mixture of sponge and Viagra was a picture of Hefner dressed in his red housecoat cradling his new beter half. Think Nosferatu with Rogaine and implants, or Dracula (see below). Around the base was a massive Ken-sperm dressed in a tuxedo stood beside a miniature love doll of Ivana Trump.
The BBC is under fire again – this time for its new sitcom Way To Go, which finds humour in the subject of assisted suicide. It comes hot on the heels of a tabloid fury over Channel 4’s Big Fat Quiz of the Year, in which jaded drunken luvvies made tedious jokes about the Queen.
THE London Underground turns 150 today. The first stretch of the world-famous network opened on January 9 1863, with the first passenger journeys taking place the following day. The Tube is place where you can be kind, funny and utterly miserable:
In this photo taken Tuesday, Jan. 8, 2013, a commemorative sign detailing when the station was opened and refurbished, displayed at Baker Street underground station in London. The world’s first subway system marked its 150th anniversary Wednesday, Jan. 9, 2013, with reports showing conditions way back when were much as they are today: Busy, congested and stressful for passengers.
The original artwork for the London Underground map which goes on display at the London Transport Museum, Covent Garden
THE papers are pretty unanimous: Luis Suarez is a cheat. The Liverpool striker is cheat who robbed “plucky” Mansfield Town of FA Cup glory in the third round, ripping the romance of the FA Cup to smithereens. “Caught red-handed,” said the Times. “You cheat!” thundered the Sun. “Suarez handball KO’s Brave Stags.” But it’s not only foreign Suarez the papers hate. It’s football.
Not so long ago, Team GB were scooping Olympic medals in the Velodrome. In one race, the lads took men’s team sprint at London 2012. The Telegraph cheered:
Sir Chris Hoy and Great Britain’s team sprint squad claimed a glorious gold medal record in the men’s final tonight, breaking the world record in both the semi-final and then again in the final when they defeated France, posting an almost unbelievable time of 42.600sec.