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When subtitlers go bad
At the conclusion of the Confederations Cup, British television audiences will be left with a host of magical memories featuring skill, technique, determination and sheer endurance. Is there no limit to Alan Shearer’s talents? It seems not…
THE blurb for each item sold on the online Etsy bazaar asks at the end: “Have any questions? Contact the shop owner.” After compiling this list of the creepiest, most wrong, oddest, weirdest and worrying dolls for sale of Etsy, we’re a little unsure where to begin. Perhaps, the questions should be, ‘Did your mother love you?; ‘Did your mother love you too much’; ‘Are you allaoewed near sharp objects?’ and ‘That you, Linus Van Pelt?’
WHAT has George ‘lifelong Chelsea fan’ Osborne learned this week? That passing yourself off as a man of the people is trickier than it seems.
The Old Pauline has had his fingers burned before of course, after he adopted a Tony Blair style ‘mockney’ accent when speaking to ‘ordinary’ voters, and was rightly ridiculed for his presumptuousness.This week he tweeted a picture of himself burning the midnight oil with just a burger and fries for company. It has predictably came back to bite him on the arse, now that said snack has been revealed as a ‘posh’ burger costing just shy of ten quid.
SUMMER’S here. Toss the daddy long legs from the dusty paddling pool. Grease over the slippery sliders. And head along to the Aqua Park, taking care to avoid the rusty nails. What could go wrong?
WHEN actresses explode, aka Exploding Actresses is brilliant:
THE Spinning Mummy of Manchester is enjoying its 15 minutes of fame after being filmed – using time-lapse photography – rotating 180 degrees in its glass case. The Egyptian statuette in the Manchester Museum is said to have attracted the attention of numerous experts, including the inevitable Brian Cox, and there has been “talk” apparently of an ancient curse.
We here at Anorak are adopting our usual skeptical position until a rational explanation emerges.
In the meantime, it is worth remembering other headline-grabbing statues that have moved before. Hell, they’ve drunk, wept, and even sung. And there is usually a perfectly sensible explanation…
When statues ‘weep’, the chances are that the lachrymose protagonist will be the Virgin Mary. Reports are legion, but only one has been officially sanctioned by the Vatican: Our Lady of Akita, reported in 1973 by Sister Agnes Katsuko Sasagawa (below) in the remote area of Yuzawadai, near Akita. This wooden statue of the Virgin Mary – which also apparently manifested stigmata, as did Sister Agnes – is said to have wept on 101 occasions over the following six years.
Reports that a roadside statue of the Virgin Mary had started to move in Ballinspittle, County Cork, triggered off a series of sightings of other moving statues around the country. Sadly on this occasion a Catholic bishop declared this Marian apparition to be an illusion. Nevertheless, around 100,000 people were said to have visited the site of the ‘miracle’. Incidentally, after 15 pints of Guinness, whole churches can sometimes appear to move.
Early in the morning of 21 September 1995 a worshipper in New Delhi offered milk to a statue of the Hindu deity Ganesha, whereupon the elephant god reportedly snorted it up his trunk. Throughout the morning the milk drinking spread to statues of other gods in temples all over India. Later the same day, the new craze reached Britain and other countries.
Indian scientists suggested that capillary action was causing the liquid to rise from proffered spoons before running down the front of the statues.
Big Mouth Billy Bass caused a worldwide sensation when he moved his head and tail and sang Don’t Worry, Be Happy and Take me to the River.
The Church of Our Lady of Velankanni in Mumbai became a major venue for pilgrims after its statue of Jesus began to drip water, and the church was happy to encourage this stat of affairs. So when pesky old skeptic Sanal Edamaruku revealed that faulty plumbing was causing water to leak onto the Son of God, the protests were none too happy. Although he is a longstanding debunker of religious myths, and a vocal critic of the church (including Mother Teresa), on this occasion things went further. After being charged with blasphemy, and receiving death threats, he sought exile in Europe, where he is trying to persuade governments to put pressure on India to abandon its archaic law.
SOME images are just incredible. Thanks to a Greek doctor and his camera, we get to see this memorable image taken dyring a caesarian section. Oddly, the amniotic sac remained intact as the birth progressed. The baby is no longer in the womb but continues to take oxygen and sustenance from the placenta.
The baby is doing well.
IN Hershey, Pennsylvania, dog groomers have been showcasing their creations. Cats will laugh:
WALLE is the World’s Ugliest Dog 2013. Walle (above) took top spot at the 25th annual World’s Ugliest Dog Contest at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in Petaluma, Calif. The 4-year-old beagle, boxer and bassett hound mix is described by Judge Brian Sobel: “This dog looked like he’s been photo shopped with pieces from various dogs and maybe a few other animals.”
TURKISH creationists pose the question “What is Islam”. They then set about answering it with “Islam is…” It turns out that Islam is… a series of questionable fashion choices, a man with a plucked heavage and whipped hair rarely seen beyond the windows of a 1976 barbers shop, a Xanthus with a massive cleavage called ‘VESACE’, a man weaing a suit so shiny the label;says “oven ready”, the double animal print woman who might by computer generated, and backdrops that suggest the talkers are either hiding in bushes, posing for estate agency catalogues or massive and talking from near space… ….
THERE is something of the Bangkok LadyBoy about Miley Cyrus, formerly the world’s biggest-ever teenage star. Not so much the face of the future or the now, Cyrus is the reminder that trying to escape a hyper-controlled past can be tricky for your future career. In these 10 Gifs from her new song We Can’t Stop, Cyrus approximates sex appeal and kookiness without ever coming close to nailing either. She slices off her fingers, frots a massive teddy bear, twerks, engages in a spot of lipstick lesbian, rubs a slice of white bread over her face and smooches a Barbie doll. Naturally, in this check box approach to outrageous pop antics, she alludes to drugs use. In courting controversy, Cyrus manages to come across as remarkable uncontroversial, overly contrived and conservative. Still, at least she’s having fun. Beats working:
MENS’s Fashion gives until the laughter hurts our ears. We went to London Fashion week to see the men wearing what all the cool kids will be sporting soon:
CORRIDORS. Not just any old creepy, long, silent, anxiety-inducing, lonely, crippling, haunted corridors, but eerie, antiseptic, soulless, menacing, echoey, brooding, lugubrious corridors in sci-fi films. Corridors that when you scream no-one can hear you.
Corridors are the places in film that let the dialogue pause and the tensions build. You’d run along though them. If your legs let you.
These are the best corridors in sci-fi:
Code-46 – Michael-Winterbottom (2003)
The Black-Hole – Gary Nelson (1979)
Ikarie XB-1 (1963, Jindřich Polák)
Ridley Scott’s Alien
George Lucas’s THX-1138
Dr. Who and the Daleks (1965, Gordon Flemyng)
Stereo (1969, David Cronenberg)
Saturn 3 (1980, Stanley Donen)
Outland (1981, Peter Hyams)
Equilibrium (2002, Kurt Wimmer)
Alphaville: Une étrange aventure de Lemmy Caution (1965, Jean-Luc Godard)
Titan A.E. (2000, Don Bluth and Gary Goldman)
Forbidden Planet (1956, Fred M. Wilcox)
2010 (1984, Peter Hyams)
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977, George Lucas)
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977, George Lucas)
Solyaris (1972, Andrei Tarkovsky)
Event Horizon (1997, Paul W. S. Anderson)
2001: A Space Odyssey (1968, Stanley Kubrick)
Westworld (1973, Michael Crichton)
Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991, Nicholas Meyer)
Robocop (1987, Paul Verhoeven)
Upside Down (2012, Juan Diego Solanas)
Species (1995, Roger Donaldson)
Earth vs. the Flying Saucers (1956, Fred F. Sears)
Anorak brings you the Greatest Beauty Pageant Answers Ever. And – remember – no-one likes you if you are cute and smart. Maybe this article shold be entitled The Smartest Beauty Pageant Answers Ever?
BEFORE the Wall came down and the EU came knocking, Polish film posters for American film were handmade. Nowadays, Poles are seduced to Americans films with the usual cocktail of edited quotes from critics and airbrushed photography. But when US publicity material was banned, film posters for Yankee movies were created by artists interpreting the film.
There is no proof that they were more effective in getting punters in to watch the film. But the billboards would have been more beautiful:
For sale: This Game of Thrones suit of armour for your guinea pig.
DOCUMENTS leaked by US techy spook Edward Snowden show us that the US government is able to access details of smartphone and internet activity under a scheme called Prism. The allegation is that the US intelligence agencies have an open line to Google, Microsoft, Facebook, Yahoo, Skype and Apple. They also record all of your phone calls. The Guardian reprots that the UK’s electronic surveillance agency, GCHQ, has access to the data. This might explain why the taxes for so many big Internet firm are so low. The elite want to keep paying foreign companies for data on British citizens off the books.
What does it all mean, though? We’ve picked out the best opinions on the news:
Perhaps this is just the way it is in the panopticon state. Tocqueville foresaw this, as he did most things. Although absolute monarchy “clothed kings with a power almost without limits” in practice “the details of social life and of individual existence ordinarily escaped his control.” What would happen, Tocqueville wondered, if administrative capability were to evolve to bring “the details of social life and of individual existence” within the King’s oversight? Eric Holder and Lois Lerner now have that power. My comrade John Podhoretz, doughty warrior of the New York Post, says relax, there’s nothing to worry about. But how do I know he’s not just saying that because Eric Holder’s monitoring his OnStar account and knows that when he lost his car keys last Tuesday he was in the parking lot of Madam Whiplash’s Bondage Dungeon?
When the state has the power to know everything about everyone, the integrity of the civil service is the only bulwark against men like Holder. Instead, the ruling party and the non-partisan bureaucracy seem to be converging. In August 2010, President Obama began railing publicly against “groups with harmless-sounding names like Americans for Prosperity” (August 9th, a speech in Texas) and “shadowy groups with harmless-sounding names” (August 21st, radio address). And whaddayaknow, that self-same month the IRS obligingly issued its first BOLO (Be On the Look-Out) for groups with harmless-sounding names, like “tea party,” “patriot,” and “constitution.”
It may be that the strange synchronicity between the president and the permanent bureaucracy is mere happenstance and not, as it might sound to the casual ear, the sinister merging of party and state. Either way, they need to be pried apart. When the state has the capability to know everything except the difference between right and wrong, it won’t end well.
In 1989 The Stone Roses Ian Brown and John Squire were interviewed by Music Box – it was brilliantly awful
IN 1989, Ian Brown and John Squire of The Stone Roses were interviewed for Music Box. It was awkward. The interviewer comes across like a therapist or headteacher talking to naughty teenagers. Brown smiles warmly:
LOVE is… Donald Featherstone and his wife Nancy have been wearing matching outfits for the past 35 years.
HUXLEY vs. Orwell: the comic, by Stuart McMillen adapts Neil Postman’s Amusing Ourselves to Death argument that Aldous Huxley’s vision of the future in Brave New World was more prescient than George Orwell in 1984:
THE protest against the Turkish Government’s actions in Taksim Square, Istanbul, have not been without humour. But away from the placards and the often amusing graffiti, there is much evidence of police brutality. When we look at the photographs of unarmed and peaceful Turks being hit by water cannon and pepper sprayed straight in the face by uniformed goons we feel outrage. This is not law and order. This is brutal thuggery sanctioned by the State. But the British Government is doing nothing to help the protestors. The protestors are not the Muslim Brotherhood or jihadis looking to rule by fear. It’s not Egypt or Syria. These protestors are non-religious champions of democracy standing in the face of an Islamacist assault on their liberty. They need our help: