WHEN Eddie Wren told us and Daily Mail readers “Semen is ‘good for women’s health and helps fight depression’”, we grabbed a jug of Fear Factor donkey semen and read more about the healing brain juice:
Oral sex is good for women’s health and makes you feel happier, according to a study which studied the effects of semen’s ‘mood-altering chemicals’.
To investigate whether semen has antidepressant effects, the authors rounded up 293 college females from the university’s Albany campus, who agreed to fill out an anonymous questionnaire about various aspects of their sex lives.
MEET Honey Boo Boo, break our talent of Toddlers & Tiaras and star of TV’s Meet Honey Boo Boo. It’s the show in which the six-year-old pageant queen introduces the world to her life and family, especially her mum The Coupon Queen. In place of words, here are the clips and the gifs. Take it away Alana “Honey Boo Boo Child” Thompson, the child reared on taffeta and ”go-go juice,” a mix of Mountain Dew and Red Bull:
GRANDAD has been in-and-out of hospital with a dicky dicky and Nana has, like all good matriarchs, been trying to keep everyone else ship-shape because you can’t rely on Dad because he’s still cavorting around with his second wife (he was never like that with Mum, who is no longer with us). Your older Brother is like David Watts, all well-behaved and captaining the sports team. Hell, he’s even got married and absolutely EVERYONE likes his new wife.
And so, here we are. The runt. The outsider. The Bart Simpson of the family. You’re Prince Harry. And you can’t stay out of trouble.
HAPPY days for Semera, a Bosnian woman who thanks to Missouri Republican Todd Akin’s reproduction masterclass can look her child in the face and says that he was not the result of a violent rape. It was not a legitimate rape. It was, as George Galloway might term it, just “bad etiquette“. It might have been a joke that got bit out of hand.
Akin taught us that unless a woman is the the victim of a “legitimate rape” she cannot get pregnant. Akin says that in real rape the female body shuts down.
“When the soldiers came and pushed hin to the room of my mother’s house, I was scared. When they stripped my clothes off and began to pinch and slap me, I was hurt . And when they held me down while they took it in turns to pentrate me I wanted to die. But after hearing Congressman Akin’s words, I have come to relsie that I was not raped at all. My body had agreed to it all. The pain was intense. My body did not shut down. My Fallopian tubes remians open, wilfully. My uterus ‘grill’ did not deploy. So it cannot have been rape. I must have wanted it. My son, Haim, is not the result of a rape after all. Thanks, Mr Akin’s for restoring my pride.”
THE Daily Express has been focusing on Alzheimer’s and dementia. On fat. On aspirin. On heart -attacks. The Daily Express sees a spot of scientific research, cherry picks the best bits and then presents it as front-page news. This year we’ve already seen miracles:
August 20: “Lose weight to beat dementia”
August 14: “Chocolate can halt dementia”
July 18: “Pill to beat Alzheimer’s”
June 26: “Dementia caused by stressful lifestyle”
16 April: “New test for Alzheimer’s”
4 April: “Statins halt Alzheimer’s”
10 February: “Drug to cure Alzheimer’s”
24 January: “Puzzles beat Alzheimer’s”
6 January: “Healthy heart is key to fighting dementia”
OH. What joy. Isn’t it marvellous when someone you really don’t like puts their foot in it. Before we get to George Galloway and Julian Assange – what a team! - Robert Colvile calls to mind a saying:
“Sit by the river long enough, and the bodies of your enemies will float by.”
No. Here’s Galloway, a leading light of the – get his – Respect Party (oh, the irony) now representing Bradford in Parliament, telling us in his Goodnight With George Galloway podcast that Julian Assange is accused of nothing more than ”bad sexual etiquette”. Galloway wasn’t in the room when Assange was with his alleged victims. But he paints a picture. Assange is wanted in Sweden to face allegations – which he denies – of sexual assault made by two women.
“But even taken at its worst, if the allegations made by these two women were true, 100 per cent true, and even if a camera in the room captured them, they don’t constitute rape. At least not rape as anyone with any sense can possibly recognise it. And somebody has to say this.”
WINNIE Johnson died this morning. Winnie Johnson is the mother of Moors murder victim Keith Bennett. It was cancer.
On the website websitesearchingforkeith.com, run by her son Alan Bennett, we read:
“Winnie Johnson, the mother of Keith Bennett, died this morning at 12.35am, aged 78. She was a much-loved mother, grandmother and great-grandmother and is survived by one younger brother. Winnie fought tirelessly for decades to find Keith and give him a Christian burial. Although this was not possible during her lifetime we, her family, intend to continue this fight now for her and for Keith. We hope that the authorities and the public will support us in this. We would like to express our deep gratitude to all the medical staff who cared for Winnie during her illness, and also the public for their good wishes and support over the years. We hope that everyone will understand, however, that we would like to grieve for her in private, both at this time and during her funeral.”
THREE members of Pussy Riot, the Russian grrl band, are in prison. Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, 22, Maria Alyokhina, 24, and Yekaterina Samutsevich, 30, have been sentenced to two years choky for staging a “punk prayer” against Vladimir Putin in Moscow Christ the Saviour Cathedral (see it here).
Judge Marina Syrova ruled:
“The girls’ actions were sacrilegious, blasphemous and broke the Church’s rules.”
Worldwide protest results. People have been pulling on the band’s trademark colourful balaclavas. Pussy Riot are famous.
Note: The UK Foreign Office minister, Alistair Burt, said: “I am deeply concerned by the sentencing of three members of the band Pussy Riot, which can only be considered a disproportionate response to an expression of political belief.” That would be the UK ,whdre, as Brendan O’Neill notes, you can be sentenced to two months prison for writing a tweet or talking about a riot on Facebook.
WHY is Julian Assange big news? Why does Julian Assange feel no need to talk to the Swedish authorities about an alleged rape? It’s because big news decided that they loved him. They loved him because he game them the leaked cables and good copy. They built him into a Messiah, the embodiment of truth and light:
Raffi Khatchadourian in the New Yorker: “Under the studio lights, he can seem – with his spectral white hair, pallid skin, cool eyes and expansive forehead – like a rail-thin being who has rocketed to earth to deliver humanity some hidden truth”.
Nick Davies in the Guardian: “We are going to put you on the moral high ground, so high that you’ll need an oxygen mask. You’ll be up there with Nelson Mandela and Mother Theresa…They won’t be able to arrest you”
TAXI for Julian Assange. The man wanted in connection with alleged rape in Sweden has been granted political asylum by Ecuador. Assange is seeking to avoid extradition from Britain to Sweden, a country he used to love. Ecuador’s foreign minister Ricardo Patiño believes their is risk that Wikileaks founder Assange will be sent from Sweden to The United States. He says:
“Asylum is a fundamental human right. The Ecuadorean Government is defending its right to protect Assange and we have decided to grant him political asylum.”
A Swedish Foreign Ministry spokesman is unhappy with the Ecuadoreans:
“We want to tell them that it’s unacceptable that Ecuador is trying to stop the Swedish judicial process.”
SEXY A-levels. A look at successful, photogenic young women in the press. Because only fit girls celebrating their attractiveness and thinness do well at school. Boys – unless they get five A-grades or more; are very young; are a refugee – are invisible (until they enter the job market at which point the young women become less noticable then the young men.) Enjoy your moment in the sun, ladies, this might be as good as it gets.
PUSSY RIOT – a round-up of protest in support of Maria Alelchina, Nadezhda, Nadeezhda Tokonnikova and Yekaterina Samutsevich. The three women have been in jail for more than five months after performing a “punk prayer” in the Christ the Saviour Cathedral, in Moscow. They are accused of hooliganism motivated by religious hatred . The judge will begin reading her verdict this week. Prosecutors want the women each jailed for three years.
Will Vladimir Putin’s regime jail three women for an act of political dissent?
Peaches has recorded Free Pussy Riot. As she says:
Peaches, Simonne Jones, and tons of musicians, artists, activists, and free-thinkers are came together to make a video for this song in support of the russian punk feminist band PUSSY RIOT! Now that you have heard about the song and video, we want you to take action! Here is why:
In March 2012 three members of Pussy Riot, Maria Alyokhina, Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, and Yekaterina Samutsevitch, were taken into custody by Russian authorities for their participation as part of a protest at the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour of the Russian Orthodox Church in Moscow. Their punk prayer is and was an act of free speech and the charges of “hooliganism” and detainment of the three women are seen by the world as a cruel heavy handed act of oppression, are being carried out to discourage free thought and speech in Russia.
If Russia wishes to be a part of the modern globalized world it must adhere to the standards and principles of a free nation where its people have the right to have a free and open dialogue about all subjects. Discussion, debate, and action are the basic building blocks of a free society. By following through with the prosecution of these women Russian political bullies are currently making a mockery of free speech, free thought, and Russia’s own country’s constitution.
EVER wondered that celebrities would look like if they wer photoshopped to look ‘normal’? Well, some bright sparks went to work and produced these images of Scarlett Johansson, ‘poor’ Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Madonna. They are all brilliant:
CAROLINE Flack once dated Harry styles, leading hair in One Direction, a teenager her junior by 14 years. Many one Direction fans were upset. Stephanie Eff spotted this article in a One Direction fan magazine subjecting Caroline Flack to Daily Mail-style sexism. Looks like the next generation of the newspaper’s columnists are keeping up with the programme to present all women as competition to ridicule and rubbish in public…
You can click the image to read it in full:
“Never before have 1D fans united in greater numbers than to share their ‘feelings’ for Caroline Flack, the old woman who dated Harry Styles. She was the host of England’s The X Factor where 1D got their break. But today she spends her time reading hate mail. So to help you, here’s voodoo doodoo Caroline.”
UPDATE: The magazine is called Girl’s Guide to One Direction HD. It was published in May 2012 by New York-based publisher Topix Media Lab LLC. You can buy it on via iTunes.
The greatest magazine dedicated to the greatest band in the world. Everything you have to know about One Direction including never-before-seen photographs, backstage controversy, exclusive interviews and secrets on meeting the band (from re-tweets to getting their attention at concerts). Plus digital posters, matching games and the first ever One Direction Awards Ceremony!
TIA Sharp. With Stuart Hazell is custody accused of her murder, the tabloids’ reporting on the case is curtailed by law. So. The Sun does what it always does, cocks and ear to the prison cells and hears that lags want to murder Hazell. He’s to appear in the Old Bailey via videolink today.
The headline thunders:
Inmates vow to kill Tia accused
What inmates. And why are they in prison? The Sun does not say:
Stuart Hazell, 37, is in isolation on a wing with paedo-philes and rapists at high security Belmarsh prison.
YES! Poor Jennifer Aniston, the tabloids’ ‘Poor Jen’, is marrying Justin Theroux (photos of his buffness here). The mega-rich, successful actress who shagged the young Brad Pitt before he was saddled with children and hats, who has great hair and a nose that sits on the front page of Messers Nip ‘n’ Tucks’s Hollywood catalogue is marrying a good looking man with no baggage.
THE record industry has long been in decline. Basically, people got sick of the mark-up on CDs and, more importantly, were thunderously tired of having to find places for their CDs to live. MP3s may lack the character of vinyl and such, but boy howdy, they’re a lot neater aren’t they?
Sadly for the recording industry, MP3s (a format designed to maximise profits) are easily stolen, which has seen sales dropping dramatically. Which brings us to the news that Rihanna has just topped the album charts with the lowest sales figures EVER.