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POPE Francis fancied 12-year-old Amalia Damonte.
No, no! Well, before he became Pope at a sprightly 76 years young, the 120 year-old Master Jorge had a thing for Damonte, 76. No! She’s wasn’t 76 , then. She’s 76 now.
TEN things you never knew about Pope Francis, as reported on every media outlet in the world:
He’s never been arrested for drink driving in Essex
WHEN a child dies there are no winners. So, when an 11-month-old child died in Gaza during another battle between Iran-backed Hamas and Israel, the news can be only grim. The mood must be regretful. But it’s important to know the truth.
The child killed was the very young son of Jihad Misharawi. He was called Omar. Jihad has worked as a journalist for the BBC’s Arabic division.
Mr Misharawi’s brother and his sister-in-law also died from the explosion that killed the child.
The image of the dead child in his father’s arms was spread by media. It was heart-wrenching. It was also politically charged. The Palestinians have used dead children to paint the Israelis black before. (The BBC has bought into alleged fakery.) It would be wise not to rush to judgement.
But many did.
ON Google, and elsewhere, from time to time an image crops up that makes you wonder. And then it makes you stop and stare. And if you’re like us, you save the picture and show it other people, and gauge their reactions. Do any one of them say, “Oh, yeah, I remember this” or “Dad!” or “Did you find that on the crashed space ship? The Moolanians, right? I told them. They never believed me. But I told THEM!” Take a look through the gallery. If you recognise anyone, let the correct authorities know:
The troubling case of Chris Wilson – convicted for not telling his sexual partner he was transgender
IN Scotland, freedom is being challenged. Chris Wilson has been at Edinburgh High Court. He entered a guilty plea for “obtaining sexual intimacy by fraud” and “deceiving” two sexual partners. Wilson’s crime was to tell/show his lovers that he was a man. But, according to his birth certificate, he’s a female.
Chris Wilson had sexual relations with two young women. One was aged 15. It went no further than a kiss. The other was 15 but told him she was 16. She and Wilson did have sex. Wilson told them both he was 17. He was 21 at the time. He’s now 25.
IT’S day 2 of the Sun’s look at Paul Gascoigne, the alcoholic former England footballer whose life was saved by medics in America. Today, the Sun leads with news that Gazza was saved by a plea from Sir Alex Ferguson, the Manchester United manager for whom the footballer never played.
Ferguson added his thoughts and good wishes on a DVD sent to Gascoigne. Others on the video include: Lord Alan Sugar, Paul Merson, David Moyes, David Ginola, Walter Smith, Bill Kenwright, Chris Evans, Wayne Rooney and Roy Hodgson, the current England manager. Oh, and Gascoigne’s mother, who “sobbed as she begged him to survive”, his dad, his sisters and his nephews. Says Gazza: “That DVD helped save my life.”
ON Craigslist, you can rent a 1 bdrm apartment
Perfect for college student!
Quiet building, close to parks and public transportation
Private secure entrance
Spacious furnished bedroom
Stainless steel appliances
Plenty of closet space
Month to month
IN 1968, the Playboy Bunny Club was for swinging cats who liked their women holding “man-sized” drinks, lighting cigarettes and dressed as saucy rabbits. It being a club meant there was rules. In this brochure, you can bone up. You can look around the club here.
This manual is worth the read. You can learn how to smoke like a Playboy Bunny, dress like one and sell lots of drink to win the star prize. Yep, it’s a… Playboy Mug:
BANSKY is the famous Bristolian artist, a master of witty one liners. They say he’s called Robin Gunningham. The Banksy part came from his nickname Robin Banx. He went to Bristol Cathedral School. He left with an E grade in his art GCSE. Other than that, we know little.
WHAT’S Heather Frost been up to? The Tewkesbury Tribal elder (11 kids – one more and she can rival Jacobs and the Jews) is scheduled to move into a 1,850 square foot council-provided “mansion”. The Mail’s Simon Tomlinson holds his nose and writes:
Noise really bad… no hope of watching TV… mattresses burning… greenhouse glass smashed by rocks': Widow’s diary reveals ‘hell’ of living next to ‘benefits queen’ mother-of-11 for five (long) years
PROTECTING children from abuse online is a big deal.
Barnardo’s is running a campaign. It features this image:
NIKE have pulled the Oscar Pistorius advert, the one about the bullet being in the chamber. The South African runner killed Reeva Steenkamp, his lover. On The Drum website, a contest is underway to produce creatives for any future Oscar Pistorius range for Nike. Sick? Too soon? A woman died… Says the site: “…it clear that our intention was never to trivialise the tragic news about Reeva Steenkamp’s death, but to highlight the vulnerable position that brands are placed in when their endorsements of high-profile figures such as Oscar Pistorius attract controversy. If you have to explain the advert, then it’s not working, is it:
THE Daily Mail is never slow to point out, in merciless detail, the physical and sartorial shortcomings of any celebrity, be they great or small.
“When Seventies television star Peter Wyngarde was spotted out shopping near his West London home last week it was clear his fashion sense had deserted him a long time ago” ran the caption to a picture of a well-preserved gentleman in his late seventies, dressed in fashionable casual clothes.
“BULGER KILLER GROOMED ME FOR SEX”
Groomed? Like paedos groom? Grooming is the word the UK authorities use to describe a paedophile’s online communication with a child they plan to meet and abuse.
RECENTLY, Harry Styles of One Direction, was pelted in the wang by a stray shoe, thrown from his beloved audience. This writer himself has thrown an errant trainer at The Prodigy, missing the target (Keef) by some distance and hitting the drummer’s cymbal at Reading ’96 (if you have a recording of the show, listen out for it during Poison).
Of course, this kind of behaviour is not to be cheered at… mostly. It is wilfully stupid behaviour, but alas, is all part of the rock ‘n’ roll circus.
Some musicians get bras and drugs thrown at them, which is very nice. Most however, aren’t too pleased with what comes their way.
With that, let us look at some of the most brutal bottlings and weirdest missiles aimed toward people just trying to earn a living.
THE Sun repeats the claim that PC Tommy McCrindle has been banned from policing Celtic fans. He is alleged to have written on his Facebook page (now deleted): “Fume-a-Pest & Termite Control.” Likening Celtic fans to rats and fleas is not on. McCrindle’s alleged words were further broadcast by the Green Brigade, avid Celtic fans who sit in block 111 at the Parkhead ground and give full throat to their Irish republican sympathies with singing, banners and clothing. They bring colour and atmosphere to the ground.
SEX-abuse scandals are replacing kiss’n’tells as tabloid fodder. Sensation swirls about the LibDems’ former party chief executive Lord Rennard. Women say he acted “inappropriately. There is a claim that Rennard repeatedly “brushed a woman’s leg at dinner. Another says he propositioned her. She “” the offer to join him in his room.
At first, Lib Dem leader and deputy prime minister Nick Clegg said he had no idea about any of it. The allegations made on Channel 4 News were news to him. By Sunday, however, Clegg’s memory told him that he had known about Rennard’s alleged “indirect and non-specific concerns” since 2008. Moreover, LibDem chief of staff Danny Alexander had had confronted Rennard over such matters.
YEARS before the Sun crested the “News in Briefs” Page 3 feature, US cupcake magazine Pose introduced its readers to the ladies’ speech bubbles.
AS the West Ham faithful congregate at the Bolyn Ground to remember Bobby Moore, here are some memories of the maestro, not all of which are likely to be mentioned in the match programme…
Moore’s drinking exploits were legendary, and a couple of crates of lager were always on hand when Bobby held court. He was once even sensationally dropped from the West Ham team for breaking curfew the evening before an FA Cup tie in Blackpool. Best friend Jimmy Greaves called Mooro the ‘King of the Bar Stool’. Usually, however, Tina and Mrs Peters were not involved…
TO the NRL rugby match between New Zealand’s New Warriors and Australia’s Brisbane Broncos. Ruben Wiki, the onetime Warriors centre now working as the club’s conditioning coach, wows the 15,000 fans at Forsyth Barr stadium in Dunedin, when he brings down teh anked streaker. Nice tackle. (You too.) It’s one for the gallery:
THE OSCARS 2013 – the pick of the lines:
Anne Hathaway: “Here’s hoping that sometime in the not-too-distant future, the misfortunes of Fantine will only be found in stories – and not in real life.”
Because Les Miserables is a fly-on-the-wall documentary.
IN May 2012, Patricia Krentril was arrested in New Jersey for taking her 5-year-old daughter to a tanning salon, where she was burnt. Krentil, who looks George Hamilton’s portrayal of Geppetto’s Mr. Hankey, became a star. In May of that year, Patty Baked swore of tanning. Well, she agreed to take the challenge issued by In Touch magazine and abstain from UV rays for 30 days. Sure, she still used Jergens self-tanner and told us “I feel weird and pale”, but she did it. But now she’s back. And the Sun says she heading to the UK – in search of a tan!
(After which she will head to the Himalayas in search of the Abominable Snowman; Loch Ness in search of a Monster; and Mecca in search for a bacon roll.)
Says Patty Baked:
“I was born to tan — and there is nothing like the colour that you get from a sunbed. But in the past year I have been banned from tanning salons. Now I have to spend hours covering myself in tanning lotion to get the colour I want.”
The bigots are happy – the Oscar Pistorius murder case has given them licence to openly despise the disabled again.
To recap: Reeva Steenkamp was shot dead by her lover. She was unarmed. She might have been murdered. The runner thought the woman who shares his bed was a burglar. There was no burglar.
OSCAR Pistorius has spent 4 days applying to be bailed for his shooting dead of Reeva Steenkamp, his lover. If this has been a big show, just wait until the main event. He’s won bail. A reader writes:
The Pistorius affair looks as though it may become a white athelete – black cop thing rather than an out and out temper/drug fuelled murder of a young woman. Either way Oscar’s finished, split and smoked like a haddock.
Magistrate Desmond Nair says the media have treated Pistorius like <em >“some kind of species the world has never seen before”.
He asks a key question: why did the accused fly into the apparent danger zone without his prosthetic legs when he had other course of action open to him?