THE people of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland: Save the V Sign as the hand gesture of first resort:
The V Sign – two-fingered salute – is being destroyed by the single raised middle finger, a symbol of American cultural imperialism. The V Sign user is blessed with a mind steeped in history. They are sensitive to nuance. This is swearing with a light, deft touch. Save it before it it gone for ever.
Say no to tosspot drivers, cyclists and football fans showing the ‘sit on it’ finger. Two fingers. We demand the full two fingers. If you are going to swear put some effort into it!
As bad are the celebrities and rappers who signal with two fingers unaware of its true meaning.
LIL BUB is “a real animal. The most amazing creature on the planet.” So says the blurb. Lil Bub is “one of nature’s happy accidents”..
Bub is a “perma-kitten”, which means she will stay kitten sized and maintain kitten-like features her entire life. She is also a dwarf, which means her limbs are disproportionately small relative to the rest of her body. She has very short, stubby legs and a weird, long, serpent-like body. Her lower jaw is very short compared to her upper jaw, and her teeth never grew in (yes, that’s right, she’s toothless!), which is why her tongue is usually hanging out. Additionally, BUB is a polydactyl cat, meaning she has extra toes, and in her case, one extra toe on all of her four paws. Her front paws each have two opposable thumbs. And then of course there are her huge, bulging, wonder-filled green eyes.
DID Katie Holmes leave Tom Cruise over Dawson’s Creek? Was Cruise so unnerved that Joey Potter (Holmes) was set to finally marry Pacey in a Creek special and live forever a magical halcyon summer in Capeside? Was Tom trying to save us from Dawson, the idealistic sensitive bore who gave us heamorrhoids as we waited for him to finish ordering lunch or giving full throat to a soliloquy on his shoelaces or ears. (Dawson also gave us Twilight, which is Dawson’s Creek with pointy teeth and fur.)
Odd that Holmes, who rose to fame playing one of a group of teen who loved shooting to breeze by analysing themselves, whould marry a Scientologist for the free audit. Maybe she misread the marriage contract as “FREE AUDI!”
THE Shard isthe highest building in the Europe Union. The building at 32 London Bridge is beautiful, stylish and majestic. We’ve been watching it go up and up and up. In these photos you can see what we and millions of Londoners have been seeing.
GOODBYE Robin van Persie. You played one full season for Arsenal and then you said you wanted to leave. RVP will not be signing a new contract at the Gunners. He has one year left on his current contract. So. Why is he leaving? Well, the Dutchman has issued a statement. In short, Robin Van Persie aims to bring back glory days for his beloved Arsenal by playing for a different club. Which club has yet to be decided. Your suggestions, please.
Anyhow, here’s Robin:
‘This is an update for the fans about my current situation.”
Translation: You – my fans – are the last to know.
“I have kept quiet all this time out of respect and loyalty for the club and as agreed with Mr Gazidis and Mr Wenger, but since there is so much speculation in the media, I think it is fair for you guys to know what’s really going on at the moment.”
ISN’T it just bloody marvelous to yet again see Britain leading the way?
The world’s largest ever drugs pusher, the mind-boggling huge GlaxoSmithKline, has agreed to take a teaspoonful of castor oil by pleading guilty and spewing three billion U.S. dollars into the U.S. coffers to bury criminal and civil charges of healthcare fraud.
I FIND this very difficult to understand. Paul Mason is the economics editor for Newsnight at the BBC. And yet he appears to know very little about the subject of economics. I’ve not lived in Britain for decades so I’m not really sure whether this is normal for the BBC or not. He tells us that this generation is going to be poorer than the last one:
This generation of young, educated people is unique – at least in the post-1945 period: a cohort who can expect to grow up poorer than their parents.
Either he’s got some very secret information about what future economic growth is going to be like or he’s spouting nonsense.
MANCHESTER City and Italy’s maverick striker Mario Balotelli put in a more than decent effort at the Euro 2012 Championships. That Italy lost to Spain will, naturally, have disappointed him. We who had heard that rumours that at the moment of victory, Mario would have removed the Catherine Wheel he keeps trapped to his person, lit it and run around the stadium handing out sparklers to under 12s are also saddened. If there is one thing we know about modern football it is that you can never have too many fireworks. The pity is that no-one had the foresight to let Balotelli have a turn with the Olympic Torch, adding a touch of pizzazz and excitement as he ran around his hotel suite with the fully lit burner. Still, he left us with one abiding image. When he scored against Germany, Balotelli ripped off his shirt. A meme was born:
DRESSED TO DISTRESS – A history of the most offensive outfits and costumes:
When Mayoress Jill Makinson-Sanders dressed up as a sausage to welcome the Olympic torch to Louth, she had no idea that she was about to create a political storm. As Makinson-Sanders stood proud and erect among the excited crowd, observers branded her 8ft-high costume ‘obscene’.
Louth had campaigned for Lincolnshire sausages to be given designated protective status, but the government turned down the request. The Mayoress’s ill-judged gesture was an attempt to show her support.
If it is any consolation, she is not the first prominent personality to discover that sartorial faux pas can have unforeseen consequences…
GIFS of the day are presented by: Did you spill my pint? Did you out on weight? Did you ever smoke before? Did you wear Spandex? Did you ever fight a nun? Did you ever surf a cat? Did you ever race a sloth?…
MY mother loves Miami. Her friend – he’s 83 – drives a Honda Goldwing. His girlfriend wears leather trousers – green ones. They enjoy life. Gay Block loves it , too. She produced a series of photographs of old Jews who live in South Miami Beach. The images are in her book, About Love. She notes:
“When I saw Miami’s South Beach for the first time, in 1982, I was awed by the beauty of the small Deco hotels, but I was even more fascinated by the old people sitting on the porches. The first night, when I stopped at one of those porches, it was love at first sight. I knew right away that I would return again and again to talk with and photograph these people. There were the bubbes and zaydes (grandmothers and grandfathers) I had longed for. I was drawn to return again and again over the next four years, until gentrification changed South Beach forever and it became a place for the young and hip.”
THIS week’s defeat of former Wimbledon champion and current number two seed Rafael Nadal has been described as one of the greatest upsets in history. His second-round exit at the hands of world number 100 Lukas Rosol was certainly one of the most extraordinary games ever seen at the All England club, and deserves to take its place among the biggest shocks of the world’s top tennis tournament. But is it the greatest ever? Recent decades have thrown up a few serious contenders…
THE London Cable Car is go! Transport for London’s gondola lift cable cars are taking people across the River Thames, making the half-mile crossing between Greenwich and the Royal Docks that little starrier. From the 34 cabins you can see the Olympic Park, Canary Wharf, South London, the Thames Barrier, Brixton and my granny’s house. A one-way ticket on the ‘Emirates Air Line’ costs £3.20. Each pod holds up to 10 passengers.
ZOMBIE CANNIBALS are about to run legal in Barack Obama’s Chicago. The city has voted to decriminalise minor marijuana possession. Possessing cannabis is illegal. Now, however, owner will get a fine. Chicago joins Seattle, Pittsburgh and Philadelphia is approaching sense.
We’re still not there yet, though. The decision to fine and by how much will be left to the Chicago police service. Get caught holding less than 15g of weed and expect a fine ranging from $250 to $500.
The move was brought by Barack Obama’s old Chief of Staff mayor Rahm Emanuel. He was aided by Chicago police superintendent, Gary McCarthy, who said most of the 20,000 yearly arrests of marijuana possession create criminal cases that are dropped. This new way frees up police time to chase actual criminals and count all that money from fines, an estimated $7m.
So. As Chicago finds a legal way to tax illegal marijuana, we look at President Obama. Did he inhale?
An American mother went to a McDonald's with her two 6 and 8 -year old children.
She ordered two Happy Meals with chicken for the children and a hamburger with fries for herself. While they were eating, the 6-year old was more interested in the slide across the street than in the chicken nuggets which he didn't even touch. So the mother decided she would eat them. Without actually watching what she was doing she was bringing a chicken biggest to her mouth, just when her 8-year old son yelled not to eat it. So she looked at the biggest to find that -- despite the crust, it looked just like a chicken's head.The manager offered them their meal for free and two more weeks of free meals. The mother pressed charges and demanded 100,000 dollars compensation.
“The department has ruled out the most common drugs found in ‘bath salts,’ a press release from the ME’s office said. The toxicology testing “has identified the active components of marijuana,” the release said. “The laboratory has tested for but not detected any other street drugs, alcohol or prescription drugs, or any adulterants found in street drugs. This includes cocaine, LSD, amphetamines (Extasy, Meth and others), phencyclidine (PCP or Angel Dust), heroin, oxycodone, Xanax, synthetic marijuana (Spice), and many other similar compounds.”
The ME’s office said it sought the help of an outside forensic toxicology lab, “which has confirmed the absence of ‘bath salts,’ synthetic marijuana and LSD.” The ME’s office said that “within the limits of current technology by both laboratories,” marijuana was the only drug found in Eugene’s system.
THERE was little racism in evidence at the Euro 2012 Championships in The Ukraine and Poland. The BBC and the tabloids had warned England fans about neo-Nazi gangs waiting to murder blacks, Asians and Jews. In “Anarchy in the Ukraine – ‘Nazi’ militia train yobs to fight our fans“, the Sun showed us local thugs rehearsing for murder with wooden knives. But Ashley Young’s family sat in the stands for England’s match with Italy came home not in coffin, as Sol Campbell told BBC viewers black fans might, but on the smart seats of a passenger plane.
A CHILD has died on the Gaza Strip. She was just two-years-old. How did Achhad Hadeel Ahmed Al-Haddad, aka Hadil al-Haddad, die?
The PalTimes – a “Palestinian news site working to address and follow up on all political issues and daily committed to accuracy” – reports:
Zionist war planes bombed a house just west of Al Farouk Mosque near al-Zaytoun neighborhood, which led to the death of Achhad Hadeel Ahmed Al-Haddad, 2, and wounding her brother, 3, was slightly wounded.
HOW bright do you need to be to be an MP? In this masterclass, Kevin Brennan, Labour education spokesman and MP for Cardiff West, says three in 10 pupils achieved good GCSEs in 1997. As any fule knows that’s “60 per cent.” As he said:
”It was we who inherited a weak system on maths and English from the Tories. Only three in 10 pupils, that’s 60 per cent because I know the Secretary of State is not very good at maths, only three in 10 pupils got a good GCSE in 1997.”
All funny stuff. If an Oxford graduate and former economics teacher can’t do the sums, who can?
EGGED on by the State-sanctioned war on the fat, the kids on board the Greece School District bus in Greece, N.Y, set about abusing (surely, encouraging her to lose weight – ed)Karen Huff Klein, a 68-year-old bus monitor.
The most popular terms of abuse if “fat ass”. A playground wit tells her “you don’t have a family because they all killed themselves because they don’t want to be near you.” Her son killed himself ten years earlier. The nippers knew this. They advise her that she will “die of diabetes.”
It’s all pretty much the usual expert-inspired stuff, in which the fat are told to objectify themselves and their roly-poly kids, who are responsible for draining the health system of funds and killing the planet. Kids, he, they really do just pick up adult prejudices.