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WHEN 86-year-old Playboy mogul Hugh Hefner married 26-year-old Playmate bride Crystal Harris there was a cake. Atop the mixture of sponge and Viagra was a picture of Hefner dressed in his red housecoat cradling his new beter half. Think Nosferatu with Rogaine and implants, or Dracula (see below). Around the base was a massive Ken-sperm dressed in a tuxedo stood beside a miniature love doll of Ivana Trump.
LISA Cameron Smith saw the Costa Concordia founder. She lives on Giglio, the island where the Italian cruise ship floundered. Thirty-two people died.
The conduct of skipper Francesco Schettino remains under the spotlight. She tells the Times:
“If I was him I would be on that boat. Probably, I would have been with those who died.”
SHARON Osbourne says Lady GaGa is a bully:
“I am calling you a bully because you have 32 million followers hanging on your every word and you are criticizing Kell. Are you so desperate that you needed to make this public?”
THE shows they loved to hate:
The BBC is under fire again – this time for its new sitcom Way To Go, which finds humour in the subject of assisted suicide. It comes hot on the heels of a tabloid fury over Channel 4’s Big Fat Quiz of the Year, in which jaded drunken luvvies made tedious jokes about the Queen.
THE London Underground turns 150 today. The first stretch of the world-famous network opened on January 9 1863, with the first passenger journeys taking place the following day. The Tube is place where you can be kind, funny and utterly miserable:
In this photo taken Tuesday, Jan. 8, 2013, a commemorative sign detailing when the station was opened and refurbished, displayed at Baker Street underground station in London. The world’s first subway system marked its 150th anniversary Wednesday, Jan. 9, 2013, with reports showing conditions way back when were much as they are today: Busy, congested and stressful for passengers.
The original artwork for the London Underground map which goes on display at the London Transport Museum, Covent Garden
THE papers are pretty unanimous: Luis Suarez is a cheat. The Liverpool striker is cheat who robbed “plucky” Mansfield Town of FA Cup glory in the third round, ripping the romance of the FA Cup to smithereens. “Caught red-handed,” said the Times. “You cheat!” thundered the Sun. “Suarez handball KO’s Brave Stags.” But it’s not only foreign Suarez the papers hate. It’s football.
Not so long ago, Team GB were scooping Olympic medals in the Velodrome. In one race, the lads took men’s team sprint at London 2012. The Telegraph cheered:
Sir Chris Hoy and Great Britain’s team sprint squad claimed a glorious gold medal record in the men’s final tonight, breaking the world record in both the semi-final and then again in the final when they defeated France, posting an almost unbelievable time of 42.600sec.
SARA Ege, 33, beat her son, Yaseen, to death in 2010. She then burnt his body. Yaseen was 7. At Cardiff Crown Court, she’s been sentenced to life behind bars. Sara Ege was born in India. She wanted her son to be a hafiz. For that, he needed to learn the Koran off by heart.For three months, Sara Ege beat her son with a wooden pestle at the family home in Pontcanna, Cardiff.
The words of Peter Murphy, defending, are odd:
“It’s very easy to be critical of the amount of things Yaseen was doing, but that was the norm in the ethnic community she was from. You can see this from the number of other children who were doing Arabic and Koran classes. Yaseen grew up with it and he thoroughly enjoyed it.”
ONE of the stories you might start hearing about soon enough is the American trillion dollar (yes, trillion, that’s one thousand billion) platinum coin. It;s actually possible that they might go ahead and mint one.
Bit difficult to get change for it but….yet still, here is your handy cut out and keep guide to what is going on.
Yes, the US government has a large debt. It is also running a large deficit: so that debt is getting bigger all the time. So far so damn like every other country at present. However, in the US they also have something called the “debt ceiling”. This is the maximum amount that congress has said that the Federal Government can borrow.
Now, they can raise this number whenever they want: as they have done multiple times in the past. But there’s always a certain amount of haggling when they do so. Various Senators who might vote against it are promised new defense plants for their states, that sort of thing.
IS Luis Suarez, Liverpool’s unlovely striker, a cheat? Let’s see what the experts say of the man who used a hand to set up his side’s crucial second goal against Mansfield Town in the FA Cup. Oh, the romance. The rules seem pretty obvious:
In Fifa’s Laws of the Game 2005, Law 12:
… a free-kick or penalty will be awarded if a player “handles the ball deliberately (except for the goalkeeper within his own penalty area)”.
A player is cautioned and shown the yellow card if he commits any of the following seven offences: • unsporting behaviour
What say the experts?
Premier League referee David Elleray:
“Referees look at two specifics – did the hand or arm go towards the ball or in a manner which would block the ball, or is the hand in a position where it would not normally be? The challenging decisions are if the defending player spreads their arms to make themselves bigger. If the ball hits the arm then the referee must decide whether this action was to deliberately block the ball or whether the player has raised their arms to protect themselves – especially if the ball is hit at speed.”
INDIA is reeling with the gang rape and death of a 23-year-old woman in New Delhi. So, who thought it good idea to sell a rape cocktail at the Bonobo, in Mumbai, India? Was it bar owner Nevile Timbadia? The women of the Nationalist Congress Party (NCP) believe he to be the brains behind the ‘Balatkari’ (Balaatcar) brew.
ALFIE Fripp has died. Fripp was the last surviving British prisoner of war on World War 2. He was 98. The RAF man was shot down by the Luftwaffe during a reconnaissance mission in 1939. He was imprisoned at 12 different PoW camps. So. What did you do in the war, then? What was life like back then for the prisoners? These photographs of Allied prisoners give us a hint:
The Conservative parliamentary party should be more representative of the population. It is good news that in recent years the Conservative Party has made steady progress in increasing the number of its ethnic MPs. In 2005 just two Conservative MPs were from Britain’s ethnic minorities, in 2010 the figure had risen to eleven.
THE Top Ten Newspaper corrections of 2012:
The New York Times:
An article on Monday about Jack Robison and Kirsten Lindsmith, two college students with Asperger syndrome who are navigating the perils of an intimate relationship, misidentified the character from the animated children’s TV show “My Little Pony” that Ms. Lindsmith said she visualized to cheer herself up. It is Twilight Sparkle, the nerdy intellectual, not Fluttershy, the kind animal lover.
C.W. Nevius’ column about Most Holy Redeemer banning drag queen performers incorrectly stated that entertainer Peaches Christ appeared at an event at the church’s hall with a dildo shaped like a crucifix. He did not appear at the event, nor does he use the prop.
PAUL from Clerkenwell calls Julia Hartley-Brewer on LBC to talk about benefit cards:
MORE Bad Toys for Christmas
After a hearty snack of turkey sandwiches, crisps and Coca-Cola, the small persons of the house can take turns on this revolving Sit’n’Spin stool until, one by one, they have redecorated the living room with brightly coloured seasonal vomit.
Daily Mail: “Royal nurse who answered hoax call about Duchess of Cambridge had attempted to kill herself twice before
Jacintha Saldanha made two attempts to kill herself last winter”
The nurse took an overdose during visit to India
She survived but tried to jump from a building nine days later
Those facts soon become:
Nurse Jacintha Saldanha… is believed to have tried to commit suicide twice previously.
LIKE nearly all Olympic athletes, Suzy Favor Hamilton’s body is for sale. Married mother Hamilton, 44, who competed as a middle-distance runner the US at the 1992, 1996 and 2000 Olympics, has worked as prostitute called ‘ Kelly Lundy’ with Haley Heston’s Private Collection. Her rates were billed at $600 per hour, or $6,000 for 24-hours.
Seventies seasonal smashes
From the time when Christmas records ruled the Earth
Our ballistic backpack provides built-in ballistic protection in a backpack that weighs just ounces more than a non-armored backpack. RynoHide carbon nanotube armor is lined in the back panel of the backpack. Sewn into the rear of the pack, you can always be confident that the armor hasn’t been accidentally left at home and that you or your child are protected in case of the unthinkable.
IS Andrew Mitchell innocent? Mitchell lost his job as the Tory Party’s Chief Whip. A police constable with the Diplomatic Protection Group has been arrested over the Andrew Mitchell “plebgate” scandal. It’s alleged that the copper pretended to be a member of the public when making a complaint to his MP, John Randall.
Randall was Mitchell’s deputy in the Conservative Party’s whips’ office.
Israeli death squads involved in Sandy Hook bloodbath: Intelligence analyst
COME “inside the dark, lonely world of maniac Adam Lanza”.
He’s the killer everyone knew.
Lanza is the killer who “lived in [a] windowless lair playing violent video games”.
Lair? Lanza had no criminal record. He had never shot anyone before he murdered so many at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
Surrounded by posters of weapons, he plotted massacre
Did he? Was it a plot? Or was it more spontaneous? The guns were his mothers. All were legal.
Peter Samson has more:
SCHOOL massacre maniac Adam Lanza fuelled his violent fantasies while hidden away in a windowless bunker plastered with posters of guns and tanks.
Young man has posted of tanks and guns. And was it a bunker or a basement?
bunker: a protective embankment or dugout; especially : a fortified chamber mostly below ground often built of reinforced concrete and provided with embrasures
basement: the part of a building that is wholly or partly below ground level
THE Sandy Hook massacre features on the cover of the UK press.
In March 2012, 16 Afghan civilians were killed by U.S. Army Soldier Robert Bales, allegedly.
Can you name them? Did President Obama weep on the TV? Was it front-page news in the UK?
The Sun leads with news of the massacre in Sandy Hook. But how can it justify such intense coverage? The US is accessible. We share the same language. America invented rolling news and burnished news anchors and reporters into personalities, dispatched to deliver not the facts but news the audience will enjoy. Last week the news was obsessed with the death of Jacintha Saldanha, the “Royal nurse” who had committed suicide. This week we’re invited to gawp at terrible events in small town in Connecticut.
WHAT do we know of Adam Lanza, the 20-year-old who killed himself, his mother, Nancy Jena Lanza, and 27 others at Sandy Hook Elementary School Newtown, Conn.? Not much. Still, the experts in Big Media are guessing. Some of them might be the same experts who were analysing Ryan Lanza’s tweets when Adam’s older bother, for it is he, was protesting his innocence and being very much alive.