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WELL, Barack Obama won. Canada can reopen her borders. Mitt Romney can walk freely in the knowledge that no crazy is going to assassinate him or compare him to Hitler. For those bored with the whole shebang, Frank J. Fleming
@ tweets: “My dream is to one day vote for president and then never hear about the guy again until the next election.” And on the internet, the mood is mixed:
RESIGNATIONS – memorable ones. And on that bombshell…
THE best and funniest photos of the US 2012 Presidential election. Mitt Romney or Barack Obama?
TO many the story of Superstorm Sandy is one that brought out the best of humanity. People helped one another. But not everyone behaved well. A few people looted. Of the millions of people hit by the destruction, a few opportunists went on the rob.
The paper yells:
“Even momma got outta house to loot new shirt': Looters brag on Twitter”
THE Daily Mail is hugely popular website. Bullshit.com is winning. Why? Well, it has lots of stuff on it. Above all else it has lot of celebrity stuff. And lots of celebrity kids. The Daily Mail love looking at celebrity kids, taking note of their curves and sex appeal. Suri Cruise is not old enough to have curves. But if the Mail stares long and hard enough, the paper of record should be there when they develop, and she becomes “all grown up“. Martin Robbins reviews the watchers…
YOU might think a man with tsunami on his head would be sensitive to natural disasters. But Donald Trump is not like the rest of us. Trump is all about bits of paper. Bits of paper makes things true to Donald. He most likely has bits of paper that say “Your Hair Is Real”, “Scotland Loves You” and “You Da Man” pinned up around his house, each piece of proof printed on embossed paper and bearing the hallmarks of esteemed institutions, such as The Harvard School of Hair.
Most recently, Trump has been looking for a piece of paper that proves Barack Obama’s passport application form. If Obama shows it, Trump will donate $5m to a charity of Obama’s choosing. If he doesn’t, Trump will keep his money. Obama – shock of shock – never took up the offer.
THE Daily Mail hates paedos. It does like Chloe Moretz. And Lourdes, Madonna’s daughter. And Bella Thorne. They were all underage when the Mail noticed their “sexy” looks. Now the Mail has spotted Elle Fanning. Leah Simpson writes:
The 14-year-old took to Instagram to share a photograph of her Halloween outfit and wasn’t afraid to flaunt her curves for the camera
WHAT is the Best of British?
HP Sauce has a Facebook page.
Nothing surprising about that, except that it uses the social media platform to trumpet its Britishness, and boasts that, “HP, the UK’s no. 1 brown sauce, has been adding oomph to your favourite dishes since 1903.”
REVEALED: Why the BBC sacked Danny Baker from his brilliant daily afternoon show on London 95.9FM. The Danny Baker Treehouse has been felled:
1. “We dwell amid pinheaded weasels who know only timid, the generic and the abacus.” – Danny Baker
2. Global warming
APRIL Jones has not been found. Paul and Carol Jones, April’s parents, have spoken from their home in Machynlleth, Powys, to thank the help and support they’ve ben given. They have been “overwhelmed“.
Mark Bridger, 46, is is jail. He’s been charged with 4-year-old child’s abduction.
Meanwhile, Matthew Woods, 20, of, Chorley, Lancashire, has had his 12-week sentence for posting an offensive tweet abut April Jones reduced to eight weeks on appeal.
Two magistrates sat at Preston Crown Court to debate whether or not making a deliberately sick joke in 140 characters or fewer is worthy or 12 weeks prison.
HOW did they date in 1956 ? Thanks to this historial document, we know. It was produced by “Kotex menstrual napkins“, and published by Kimberly-Clark, with drawing by Irving Nurick. Marvel at the research that went into aping teenage slang of the day.
“Greet him dressed for gallivanting; if only to the local Cokery.”
“Tain’t fittin’, kitten!”
CHELSEA v Manchester United in the Capital Cup. No John Terry. The Chelsea captain is banned for using racist words on the pitch. Referee Mark Clattenburg has been relieved of his duties while police and the FA investigate the allegation that he racially abused two Chelsea players during the side’s Premier League match last Sunday. Manchester United fans note the irony:
FAREWELL then, Ceefax; your Legoland graphics will delight and inform us no more. You were called Ceefax, because you enabled viewers “see the facts” with no messing about, and you became a national institution. But your birth was a happy accident.
As BBC engineers searched for a way to provide programme subtitles, they realised the same technology could be used to send other information.
Colin McIntyre led a team of eight at Television Centre in Shepherd’s Bush, monitoring the news wires. They typed up the stories, then produced a punched tape which was “read” by a machine into a “core store” with a maximum capacity of just 24 pages.
IN a press release from UK Uncut we see this:
A report in the Times newspaper (20/09/12) outlined how 533 directors of UK companies have registered addresses in Monaco. Despite vetting by HMRC, the government has still seen fit to award several tax exiles with honours. These include the billionaire Sir Phillip Green- who avoided £285million in capital gains tax in 2005. UK Uncut activists have repeatedly targeted Green by occupying branches of his Arcadia fashion empire.
Err, no. Just no.
SUPERSTORM Sandy has hit America’s East Coast. Why? The obvious explanation is that with the Presidential election a matter of days away, the weather machines have been switched on. Others believe it never happened. Says New Yorker Lorenzo Montanez: “I think its malarkey. They are just hyping it up so people can go and buy stuff they don’t need, and scare the s*** out of people.” Why else named a killer storm after the lead character in Grease? Frankenstorm might be better.
New York has taken a pounding. Mayor Michael Bloomberg calls Sandy as “a once-in-a-long-time storm”. Estimates are that 5.8 million have lost power along the East Coast of the US. Parts of the New York Subway system are under salt water.
FACEBOOK has been turning down the volume. Not all those followers who have taken the time to “like” your Facebook page are seeing all of your updates. You might not have noticed.
Anorak has a pretty modest Facebook following. We never paid much interest to it until recently. But the plan, as with all small and big publishers, is to spread the word and get as many people to like the site to follow our updates. The new Anorak site (a couple of weeks away) has ben designed to be more Facebook friendly.
THE Hampshire College Halloween Checklist asks: “Is You Costume Racist?”
Ask yourself: “Does my costume represent a culture that’s not my own?” That question to the Jedi Klingon Zombie…
The brain dead should convene at the Amherst, MA, campus on October 31…
PIGEONS. One half of humanity seems hellbent on trying to murder them with harks and guns. The other half wants to use them to throw food at them. One man’s rock dove is another man’s flying rat. A few things we know about pigeons:
1. They are critics of human endeavour – no statue is safe
2. They love cricket
3. They help to win wars
4. They can be raced
We’ve gone through the archives to bring you a pictorial history of pigeons.
KERRY Katona says he will know that she’s dead when Gina D’Acampo, Fern Britton, Coleen Nolan and Ant ‘n’ Dec, turn up at her funeral. We’d advise her to approach Iceland with a Cryogenics range of frozen celebs, possibly on sticks. Kerry is talking about death because it’s Haloween. OK! wants to know if she has ever “had a poltergeist”. Well, there are no kids to offer proof of a dalliance but she did have experiences:
“At my house in Warrington, the light used to blow constantly, and I’d be lying in bed and the TV would suddenly come on. I went to see a psychic and he told me it was my dear friend letting me know she was there.”
WANT to learn how to breathe underwater? Children look a way now:
IN LATE 60’S I DISCOVERED I COULD BREATH UNDER WATER WITHOUT EQUIPMENT.
1-DRINK ONE BEER (MAY NOT BE REQUIRED)
2-JUMP INTO DEEP END OF POOL
3-EXHALE ALL AIR AS YOU ARE GOING DOWN
4-SIT ON FLOOR OF POOL
5-GRIT TEETH AND LIPS
6-SLOWLY SUCK AIR THRU LIPS AND TEETH.
WARNING…NOT FOR MINORS
MAYBE SOMEONE CAN FORWARD THIS TO THE NAVY SEALS AND PERHAPS AFTER THEY FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN DUPLICATE THIS CAN INVENT A MOUTHPIECE THAT ACTUALLY IS SEPARATING OUT THE AIR (HYDROGEN AND OXYGEN) FROM THE WATER ENABLING MILITARY TO BREATH UNDERWATER WITH NO TANKS ECT. SORT OF A FISH GILL FOR THE MOUTH. IT IS NOTED THE POOL ALSO CONTAINED CHLORINE ..THE POOL WAS IN HOLLYWOOD CALIF.
* Great and momentous times we have had, the ladies and I. Monumental and magnificent. Tender, sometimes touching, but never turbulent. From single situations to team-handed times, girls have taught, trimmed and trained me up to Olympian standards.
* From that day to this there have been trains and, with apologies to the hit parade, boats and planes (I am a member of the 40,000ft club) and bushes and fields, corridors, doorways, floors, chairs, slag heaps, desks and probably everything except the celebrated chandelier and ironing board.
* The officeress was dissuaded from bringing charges against me by her colleagues for it was well known that were I to go, I would probably take half the station with me.
* On one of my trips to France I had walked into a shop to ask a price and there was a lady behind the counter. The counter was also the same height as my pelvic bone… Hands in trouser pockets I leaned foward to speak, bit before I could utter a word over-balanced and rocked back and forth, perfectly balanced by the hips. As I couldn’t get my trapped hands out of my trouser pockets I was well stuck, and the alarmed lady summoned her husband with loud Gallic cries. He levered me upright, but as I couldn’t speak French at the time, all I could do was smile like Charlie Chaplin and bow out.
* One second I was there, the next, all that was left was an old raincoat.
THESE are the best photographs from Nikon’s Small World microscope photography competition 2012. Unpleasant creepy-crawlies can be beautiful:
PAEDO Ring. Jimmy Savile. Margaret Thatcher. The links reverberate around the newsrooms:
Daily Star (front page): “SAVILE: Paedo Ring Linked To Number 10″
Daily Mirror (front page): “Peado Ring INSIDE Number 10″
The story is based on the words of Tom Watson MP who yesterday told the Commons at PMQS:
“The evidence file – used to convict paedophile Peter Righton – if it still exists, contains clear intelligence of a widespread paedophile ring. One of it’s members boasts of his links to a senior aide of a former Prime minister, who says he could smuggle indecent images of children from abroad. The leads were not followed up, but if the files still exist, I want to ensure that the Metropolitan Police secure the evidence, re-examine it, and investigate clear intelligence suggesting a powerful paedophile network linked to Parliament and Number 10″.
TO Brighton, East Sussex, for the Pimps and Hoes-themed Carange student piss up, throw up, feel up, cock up and knocked up extravaganza. Honk if you’re not dry heaving. Who’s up for it?
JIMMY Savile was a miracle, a gift from God. It’s true. He was meant to be. He was saved by the venerable Margaret Sinclair.
In 1978, Pope Paul VI declared that Margaret Sinclair practised the Christian virtues to a heroic degree and she was given the title ‘The Venerable Margaret Sinclair’.
St. Pattrick’s parish, Edinburgh, praises her. It wants the woman born in that city to made a saint.