MEIN Kampf, the book by one-hit wonder Adolf Hitler, is said by Waterstone’s to be the “perfect present” for Christmas. Is Waterstone’s just in tune with its readers in Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, giving them the “essential read” that appeals to their prejudices and likes? Is this a reaction to customer feedback or just Waterstone’s attempt to spread the word? The Virgin Megastore has a similar policy in Bahrain, where Mein Kampf is recommended reading to the country’s many unenlightened bigots. Does Richard Branson need the money? Is consumerism so cynical?
Says a Waterstone’s spokesman:
“A customer spotted that one shop had used a seasonal point-of-sale wraparound promoting the book as the ‘perfect present’. Obviously this was not an appropriate thing to say about Mein Kampf. We apologise for the offence caused and will communicate with all our branches at the earliest possible opportunity to remind them of the sensitivities surrounding our stocking of Mein Kampf.”
The Zumba fitness instructor and motivational speaker, who has had osteogenesis imperfecta from birth, says she pressed the wrong button on her online playlist.
MERI Yulanda is your feel good Christmas story for 2011. Meri, also known as Wati, was swept away from her village of Ujong Baroh on the Aceh coast, Indonesia, by the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami.
The tsunami killed 170,000 people in Aceh alone and over 230,000 people in all.
This week, Meri Yuland turned up in Meulaboh, Aceh. She was looking for her mum and dad.
Yulanda says that in the intervening years she was forced to work as a beggar for a widow. And now, just before Boxing Day, she tues up safe and well.
Can she be believed? Is it too incredible to be true?
WILL the British Government command British women to remove the faulty implants made by Marseille’s–based Poly Implant Prothèse (PIP), the French company killed off by news that it used industrial silicon (used in electrical insulation and mattresses) in breast implants?
In the UK, at least 40,000 women have bought the PIP implants.
In France, the country’s Health Ministry will meet the cost of the implants removal. The implants are not killers and the French see it “as a precautionary measure”. Moreover, any woman who had the implants following breast cancer surgery can have news ones fitted at the expense of the State. Will the British Government do likewise?
THE Nativity is the story of Christ’s birth. But what was it really like? Had only the little donkey been able to talk or the inn keeper reacted to the yells of childbirth to see what was up in his barn, we might have known a bit more about the wonder. Helpfully, others have recreated the Nativity tableau. We bring you the 12 Best Nativity scenes of all time:
Ryan Giggs, the sex cheat who would silence twitter and topless stunna Imogen Thomas because he never kisses and tells, is being used to sell the story that Natasha Giggs wants to get back with Rhodri Giggs, her cuckolded husband.
Just last week, Ryan Giggs, through his lawyers and in reaction to a court ruling, admitted that the injunction he used to prevent Imogen Thomas from selling her story of their shagging to the tabloids was wrong. Imogen was not blackmailing him. Thomas felt “vindicated”. Natasha Giggs felt that this was her chance. If anyone would tell us what sex with Ryan Giggs was really like, it would be her. (If you want to know what sex with Natasha Giggs is like, he’ll tell you.)
HER Majesty The Queen is cashing in on the London 2012 Olympics by renting a field adjoining Kensington Palace to Russian visitors. The Palace is home to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, and the fragrant Prince and Princess Michael of Kent, whose rent must be up for reappraisal.
Occupy Kensington Palace will boost the Queen’s Sovereign Grant. That’s the plan that gives Liz 15 per cent of all Crown Estate profits. With that she must pay for her palaces, travel, bowling alley, indoor golf course, ribbon cutting, paint sniffing excursions and to feed the willowy blonde she visits on the fabled Sixth Floor of the Harvey Nichols department store in London.
And so it is that to augment this income, Sergei Kolushev and his Eventica outfit have leased – get this – Perks Field for 28 days from July 27 next summer.
SO-CALLED “ethical Christmas gifts” have become a familiar feature of the holiday season. Every year, charities like Oxfam, Christian Aid and World Vision encourage us to give up presents in favour of certificates for things like goats, dung, condoms and hygiene instruction for people in the developing world.
It is customary for these initiatives to adopt a patronising tone, both towards Western consumers, who are encouraged to have a guilt-free shopping experience, and towards Third World recipients, who are encouraged to smile and be grateful for the paltry presents charities bestow on them. Just take a look at this video by Oxfam. It explains to shoppers how the charity’s scheme, Oxfam Unwrapped, works as if they were five-year-olds.
Ethical gift schemes tap into the anti-consumption vogue in the West, whilst perpetuating the idea that people in the developing world should gladly accept small-scale solutions that may help them cope with poverty, but not escape it. In the West, a familiar dilemma for shoppers is what to buy for a man or woman who has everything, but when it comes to the developing world the message is that beggars can’t be choosers.
IT’S The X Factor uncut. Peter Dickson is the X Factor voiceover man striking back. (Yep, we found another version.)
“OUTRAGE AS KIM MEETS EARTHQUAKE ORPHANS!”
The NE says the trip to Haiti was all part of Kim Kardashian’s plan to make herself look good. During a 48-hour stay, Kim and her mother Kris Jenner checked into the $1,000 a-night Presidential suite at the Karibe Hotel, “the best lodging in Port –au-prince” – a title akin to being the poshest woman in Wayne Rooney’s harem. Most damaging of all, Kim and her momager met orphans bussed in to meet her and after shaking hands, reportedly, wiped her paws with hand sanitizer.
This is compared and contrasted to the goodness of Oprah Winfrey, who visited the J/P HRO settlement camp and passed the time “talking with some of the refugees through an interpreter”. Like Kim, she was well photographed.
A source says:
“Oprah believed Kim went down to Haiti to soley repair her image, and not to help out with the relief effort.”
THE best British news photos of 2011:
rison inmates evacuate their accommodation blocks at HMP Ford near Arundel, West Sussex after about 40 prisoners began a riot and set alight buildings in the open prison, according to the Ministry of Justice.
A gust of wind catches The Duchess of Cornwall’s umbrella as she arrives in Steeple Ashton, Wiltshire, to meet members of the Wiltshire Guild of Spinners, Weavers and Dyers.
Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney (centre) scores their second goal from inside the penalty area from an overhead kick
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange leaving Belmarsh Magistrates Court after his extradition hearing to Sweden to be prosecuted over claims of sexual assault, in south east London.
KATIE Price and Peter Andre are to become “close again”. Not only close to each other but, one imagines more vitally, close to the paparazzi. Katie Price and Peter Andre may even become close enough to play each other’s spouse in twin reality TV series.
The Sun says Katie Price and Peter Andre are “planning to take their kids out together as a family in the New Year”. It’s a two week heads up to all photographers.
A family friend is on hand to tell the Sun:
“They’re ready to move forward together and have discussed being seen in public again. It’ll be day trips with the children — working things out generally and taking those important steps to improve the relationship.”
And what better place to improve their relationship than in the media glare? And they might be quids in. As heat magazine told us:
“Pete spends more than £600 a week on beauty products, tanning, haircuts and manicures.”
US ARMY analyst Bradley Manning, 24, is appearing at a courthouse in Fort Meade, Maryland. It’s a military hearing to decided whether Manning should face court-martial for his alleged role in leaking classified material to WikiLeaks. Did Bradley Manning orchestrate the biggest national security leak in U.S. history? And even if he did, what harm did he do?
Also appearing are:
Adrian Lamo – a former hacker, who gave the chat logs to authorities, leading to Manning’s arrest
Jennifer Robinson – lawyer for Wikileak’s fonder Julian Assange
David Coombs - Bradley Manning’s attorney
This is a big deal. Bradley Manning is number 8 on Time’s list of 2011′s 100 most influential people. Bradley Manning was jailed at Quantico, a Marine base in Virginia. He passed his days in solitary confinement for 23 hours each day. He was forced to stand naked during inspections. He was not given his glasses. He could not see properly.
His one hour of exercise was in an empty room.
Daphne Eviatar noted:
Manning is also said to be a threat to himself, given the serious trouble he’s in. As a result, he’s on “Prevention of Injury” watch, which accounts for the lack of sheets and pillows. But his lawyer thinks that’s a ruse. And indeed, it’s hard to imagine why prison officials would treat someone who they worry is mentally disturbed by isolating him to the point that, as medical experts have documented, is likely to make him crazy.
There is no little irony in the how the US treated the whistle blower.
LIVERPOOL striker Luis Suarez did racially abuse Manchester United’s Patrice Evra. The Uruguayan has been handed an eight match ban. The FA’s Independent Regulatory Commission have buried Suarez, who says he is innocent. He says the word “negro” is nuanced. It is merely observational.
That commission is made up of:
PAUL GOULDING QC (chairman): Lawyer and wualified FA coach.
BRIAN JONES: Chairman of Sheffield and Hallamshire FA.
DENIS SMITH: Ex-Stoke defender who has managed York, Sunderland and Oxford United.
The, alleged, key quotes from Liverpool’s 1-1 with Manchester Untied are:
Evra: “Don’t touch me, you South American”
Suarez: “Porque, negro?”
Evra is booked. He shouts at the referee Marriner: “You’re only booking me because I’m black”
Suarez: “I called him something his team-mates call him and even they were surprised by his reaction”
Andre Marriner may care to contact his own lawyers. If Evra said that, it is despicable. But it is the racism that end careers, not the perception of it. Is guilty then Suarez has committed career suicide.
KIM Jong il is dead. His body has been put on display in glass box. Given that this is Christmas time, you can’t help thinking Kim’s mourners in North Korea and China are waiting for a Prince to ride in and give the leader an awakening kiss, like in the fairytale pantomime.
Prince Harry could do much to improve the West’s relations with North Korea if he can muster the courage to plant a smacker on Kim’s lips. Of course, if Prince Harry breaks the glass, kisses Kim il Jong and then the despot fails to awaken there will be a nuclear war and Harry will look gay and weird. But them’s the risks. Peace in Neverland was never achieved at no cost.
1. How did it get there?
2. Where can I get one?
The woman was suffering from weight loss and diarrhoea. An internal probe revealed severe diverticulosis and a pen she has swallowed.
Questions are answered in turn:
1. She was investigating her tonsils when she slipped and the pen fell in.
2. The pen was a ruddy felt tip! Felt tips run out in seconds. The British Medical Journal is lax in its duty to mankind that it fails to identify the make and model of this magic marker.
DEMURE teen bride Courtney Stodden, 17, has followed her Pumpkin Patch outing with a Santa Claus photoshoot. It’s classy stuff from La Stodden, who we last saw having her breasts authenticated on Dr Drew’s magic box. Stodden’s husband, 51-year-old barely known actor Doug Hutchison, is attempting to turn Santa’s beard into a merkin. What has Santa done to deserve this? What has Christmas done to deserve this? Why didn’t Heidi Montag insist all her offcuts were incinerated? Has the Easter Bunny be warned?
GIFS of the day are brought to you by: suicide cat; the best dive outside of the Olympics; cats are scary; and the accident everyone save one saw coming…
CRAZY Kim Jong il made his last TV appearance in 2010. Kim Jong il, for it was he, was making an inspection of an orgasmic housing complex in North Korea with Kim Jong Un.
Cue the dramatic music, sweeping film scores, a box of matches (oh, mother!), cupboards, seats, North Korea’s leading Eduard Anatolyevich impersonator and…and…and… (passes out in orgasmic bliss)… It’s crazy! It’s a sex tape!
The voiceover artiste is trembling with excitement. You know this is better because you don’t speak Korean.
Kim Jong il was a superhero
North Korean legend has it that Kim Jong Il was born in a secret place by North Korea’s most sacred mountain, Mt. Paekdu (aka Baekdu mountain). At the moment of his birth, a double rainbow appeared and a new bright star shone in the heavens. Either that or he was born in Siberia in 1941 when his father, Kim Il-sung, leader of a “patriot and revolutionary family” was in exile in the former Soviet Union in 1942.
Kim Jong il can control the weather
According to the book by Chol-hwan Kang and Pierre Rigoulot (2005). The Aquariums of Pyongyang: Ten Years in the North Korean Gulag, Kim control the weather. (see rainbow and star) Basic Books. ISBN 0-465-01104-7
Kim legalised drugs and gave them out for free
Kim was once addicted to painkillers. Sot hat he would not enjoy the experience alone, he allowed (surely ordered? – ed) his staff to inject themselves with painkillers so they too would experience the joy of addiction.
Kim Jong il was shortist
Kim Jong il issued pamphlets advertising growth drugs. Small people would take the bait and be whisked away to live in splendid isolation on previously “uninhabited islands”. Critics say Kim Jong il was trying to kill off the shorties. But others go with the theory that Kim understood their pain and wanted the shorts to live without being looked down on by tallies – literally.
Kim Jong il understood disability
In readiness for the World Festival of Youth and Students in 1989, Kim deported disabled people from Pyongyang. Once more, Kim understood suffering. He knew that watching the able bodied running and jumping would be unbearable for the disabled. so he sent them to live in splendid isolation. And all was normal.
Kim Jong il loved Hennessy
Kim Jong Il was Hennessy customer No.1. Dr. Jerold Post said Kim invested $600,000 to $850,000 annually on the amber nectar. . He is partial to the Paradis cognac, which can sell for over $700 per bottle. In comparison, the average North Korean makes about $1000 per year.
Kim Jong il created the world’s best run city
Kijong-Dong is a wonderful place on the border with South Korea. There is no poverty. No crime. No traffic jams. No blackouts. No residents. But there is a 300lb North Korean flag, visible from much of South Korea.
Kim Jong il ran a waterpark
Images of Kim Jong-Il’s mansions reveals a supreme slide of freedom. Everyone gets a go. It’s Communism, people. just need to wait until Kim has finished.
Kim Jong il loved train travel
Was Ki Jong il afraid of flying – or was he just afraid of flying in North Korean planes? In any case he loved to move about in armoured trains. And the North Koreans were happy as larry to push and pull him along (see pedestrian motorways of North Korea).
Kim Jong il was the world’s best golfer
It was 1994 when Kim Jong Il shot an impressive 38 under par, including 11 holes in one. It was golf. Hey, it was crazy golf. Happily, while envious foreign media ignore Tiger Kim, local media were there to record the action as fact
Kim Jong il loved the movies
So keen was Kim to make a Godzilla movie that he kidnapped South Korean director Shin Sang-ok and his wife Choi Eun Hee and encouraged them to make Pulgasari. Shjooting took Shin on location to Austria, from where they escaped.
Kim Jong il loved The Omen
Did Kim kill his younger brother Kim Shu-ra? Did Kim casue Kim to drown in the family’s swimming pool when he was five?
Kim Jon il invented the sandwich
North Korean newspaper Minju Joson heralded Kim’s invention of the Kimwich – a delicious invention of “double bread with meat”. Any meat would do. Rat. Dog. Mum…
In preparation for the World Festival of Youth and Students in 1989, Kim Jong Il had disabled residents removed from Pyongyang. The government also distributed pamphlets advertising a wonder drug that would increase the height of short people.
How did Kim Jong-il die? North Korea’s state broadcaster says Leader No. 1 died from “physical fatigue” while traveling on a train. The North Koreans pushing the train are inconsolable with grief.
THE Krankies used to be swingers. Who could have guessed that Ian and Janette Tough, who play father and son act The Krankies were into unusual sex? Who? Who????
Says Janette, star of kids TV show Crackerjack and panto:
“We went out for Sunday lunch one day and got a bit romantic out at sea. We nearly ended up in France. I couldn’t make it last that long now.”
All together now, kids: I see Paris, I see France, I see… France might be euphemism?
“It was never involved, lovey-dovey stuff with the others.It was just these incredible parties that would get out of hand. Janette might ask, ‘Where’s Ian?’ and they’d happily tell her I was in the room next door with a dancer with my trousers around my ankles.”
Following the revelation that it probably wasn’t News of the World journalists who deleted key voicemail messages from Milly Dowler’s phone, as Davies claimed on the front page of the Guardian in July, some are now wondering if Davies has been over-egging the pudding in order to make tabloid hacks appear *really* evil.
If this is the case, it wouldn’t be the first time Davies allowed his desire to brand a bunch of people as evil to override his responsibility as a journalist to be completely accurate and objective.
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Why? Well, Keane, the former Manchester United captain Roy Keane, says that in April 2008, he was the subject of legal action by the club. The legal threat resulted from Keane’s article in the Irish Times of April 5, 2008, in which he was criticle of United.
Says Roy Keane:
“The way it [his exit from United] ended, the legal letter, I couldn’t have gone and sat there like everything was great. He [Ferguson] would come and we all stand up and clap, I couldn’t have done that.”