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DONALD TRUMP, the real-estate mogul, US Apprentice boss and owner of the Miss Universe Organisation, bragged about is genitalia when addressing the controversy surrounding Jenna Talackova (photos), a transgender beauty queen who was disqualified from the Miss Universe pageant in Canada last month.
During a press conference, the 23-year-old Talackova ‘s attorney, Gloria Allred, referred to Trump’s private parts, saying that Talackova “didn’t ask Mr. Trump to prove he’s a naturally born man, or see photos of his birth, or to view his anatomy… It made no difference to her.”
In response, Trump phoned in to TMZ, telling viewers that “I think Gloria would be very, very, very impressed with me”. As regards sharing his baby pictures, Trump joked: “I just wanna know how much will Gloria pay me? Because if the payment is enough, I might just do it. Boy, would she be impressed.”
GIFS of the day include the painful gif of the day and Mitt Romney, the internet’s Mr April…
KID Casting is David Shumka’s tribute to the children hired to play the young adult in films, whether in a flashback or a dream sequence. You know the kid who played a young Woody Allen in Annie Hall? His mum might. What about the class who played the young cast of Lost? It was their big break. The youngster Roger Daltrey in Tommy is called…? Did the youth who played the young Robert Redford in The Natural grow up to be a star? Who played the young Voldermort on Harry Potter? The young Tina Fey in 30 Rock? Somewhere in Tinsel Town is silo marked “I Was The Young…”
Samantha Brick: When Craig Brown and Jan Moir collaborate for the Daily Mail the results are wonderful
“SAMANTHA Brick” has penned an article in the Daily Mail that explains why she is hated because she is beautiful. After a few hundred words, it becomes clear that there are a myriad reasons to dislike or even hate La Brick, and only one of them is her alleged beauty.
Brick is 40 years old. Her blog informs us:
Samantha juggles life as a freelance TV consultant, journalist, writer, yogi and, of course, French housewife (still very much in training alas).
If you do not already dislike her or see her as work of parody, you’re on the wrong website.
Throughout my adult life, I’ve regularly had bottles of bubbly or wine sent to my restaurant table by men I don’t know.
Because you dress like a sexually available drunk? No. It’s because “my pleasing appearance and pretty smile made their day”.
AMPHETAMINES were once legal. They were advertised as being good for you and yours. Appetrol was a drug that acted as an appetite suppressant. In world War 2, the troops were fed Benzedrine to keep them sharp.
EVERYTHING ever is always spoiled by the introduction of children. Muppets – great. Muppet Babies – awful. Scooby Doo – excellent caper with slight counterculture vibes. The introduction of Scrappy Doo? Worse than a dose of anthrax. Even Popeye had a son at one point and everyone in the world wanted to end his life.
And so, let us introduce to you, the act you’ve known for all these years, The Beatles Babies!
That’s right, we could well be faced with the Drab Four if Paul McCartney’s son, James, gets his way. It has been reported that James Macca is “up for it” and that John Lennon’s son, Sean, and George Harrison’s son, Dhani, have also shown support for the idea, which would see various Beatle-sperm getting together and performing songs which will invariably defecate all over the memory of the world’s most famous group.
Photos of the day are weird and worrying – cats are trying to enslave and kill you…
AFTER PC Alex MacFarlane meet his colleague PC Joe Harrington. Harrington allegedly assaulted a 15-year-old black teenager at an east London police station. PC Joe Harrington has been placed on restricted duties. MacFarlane was recorded calling black 21-year-old Mauro Demetrio, 21, a “nigger”, allegedly. Another voice calls Demetrio a “cunt”. Harrington was with MacFarlane at the time of the Demetrio incident.
The alleged incidents occurred in the summer of 2011, in the shadow of the riots trigged by the police killing of Marc Duggan – the black man who never fired a bullet.
MacFarlane has been suspended.
Demetrio claims he saw Harrington allegedly attack the 15-year-old.
And that’s all we know. The Guardian says there is CCTV footage of the Harrington matter, but is grainy and might not be of any use.
TEN Books to read before you die laughing features such titles as Invisible Dick, Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself, Hitler: Neither Vegetarian nor Animal Lover and Castration – Advantages and Disadvantages…
WE join the action ast St Mary’s School in Pomeroy, County Tyrone, just as Father Martin McVeigh, slides a USB stick into the laptop to give a presentation to parents and one child about the wonders of for Holy Communion. The screen flickers into life, broadcasting images of gay porn to the massed. As reported, Father McVeigh legs it.
A statement from parents tells us:
“Twenty minutes later he returned, he continued with the meeting and wrapped up by saying that the children get lots of money for their Holy Communion and should consider giving some of it to the church.”
THE end of the free internet is nigh. The Government is to monitor all emails, phone calls, text and websites you view. Of course, GCHQ already does just that. But soon it will be legal.
GCHQ will have the right to see your online activity without a warrant. They can spy on you in what the wonks call “real time”.
The way to avoid detection is to sign up to some dark recess of the internet, like Friends Reunited, AOL or LibDem Online. Or do as Al Qaeda did last year and restart your fax machines.
THE best April Fools day jokes of 2012: While we investigate news of a nuclear melkdown over Japan and a mass break out from Brampton prison hospital, others have had bash at the funny:
Cowell and Wallaims
What no super-injunction?
The Sunday Mirror: “As the pair took to the boating lake in a giant plastic white pedalo swan for an afternoon of fun, it’s good to see they’ve finally put those rumours to rest…they had a couple of hours relaxing together and when Simon cheekily teased David, he playfully whacked him with a daffodil.”
TO Nickelodeon’s 25th Annual Kids’ Choice Awards to see Justin Bieber and Will Smith in green snot bukkake and the brightest teeth and talents win awards. Also there was Michelle Obama, who was not slimed, unforgivably…
DIANE Hill is the woman burnt whilst decanting petrol in her kitchen. The 46-year-old was cooking dinner at her home in York when she poured petrol into a glass jug to give to her daughter whose car was low on petrol.
Mrs Hill’s daughter Grace wrote online:
“I’m gonna be f***** if the petrol stations in York close cos I have zero money to top up & I’m already flashing.”
The Daily Express ups the ante:
Mrs Hill, 46 – trying to help her stricken teenage daughter whose car had run dry
Grace Hill was in her mum’s garden. Stricken?
IN London, a black man aged 21 records his time with the police. The man has been placed in handcuffs and sat in the back of the police van. It is the day after last summer’s riots – the riots that followed the police killing of black Marc Duggan.
SO there was this great big campaign, with petitions and plays and online sign ups and the usual ignorant outrage displayed on Twitter and Facebook about how appalling the working conditions and pay were at Foxconn. You know, the giant seris of factories in China that make everything for Apple and HP and Microsoft and all.
We’ve now got the results from an in depth investigation into those working conditions and pay.
The general finding is that poor people work long hours for not much money. Well, yes, that’s true, that’s what being poor means, working long hours for not much money. Shrug, that’s what poor people in poor countires do, that’s why we describe them as poor and that’s why we’d like them to carry on having an industrial revolution so they can become rich like us.
MADAME Arcati interviews the News of the World’s Neville Thurlbeck:
Isn’t he adorable? There’s something about Neville Thurlbeck that suspends all sensible judgement. He needs little introduction suffice to say that once upon a time he was news editor and chief reporter of the late News of the World before Hackgate blew up his award-winning career. To date he’s been arrested twice but not charged, the second time over something he wrote on his riveting blog. What’s Rebekah Brooks really like? When did he lose his virginity? Who should play Rupert Murdoch in Screws: The Musical? He kindly indulged me with answers, and then some.
GIFS of the week: the budgie delivers the knock blow; the dog thinks he’s Benny Hill; kangaroo and cement do mix; pain; more pain; real pain; flipping pain; sandy pain; extreme heroics; inflicting pain; and WTF pain…
TRAYVON Martin: Etan Thomas looks at the killing and the growing story and tells HuffPost readers:
When a national tragedy occurs such as the case of Trayvon Martin — the young black unarmed teen who was shot and killed by Neighborhood watch captain George Zimmerman — it effects everyone who has kids. This is a parents worst nightmare.
In the media, a parent’s worst nightmare is a moveable bad dream. The dread phrase “As a dad…” is used as emotional shorthand to show how much you care – never mind the fact the dads are routinely shown to be murders, rapists, peadophiles and tyrants.
A tragedy such as this doesn’t escape any parent.
HAVING seen Liam Stacey, 21, sent to prison for his racist tweets aimed at footballer Fabrice Muamba and twitter users, what has happened since? Well, the righteous have been congratulating themselves on their successful twitter hunt.
For this tweeter it was an “I was there” moment:
This tweeter thought of Liam Stacey’s death:
THE London Riots in Art looks at how artist interpreted last summer’s disturbances in London, Manchester, Birmingham and beyond. You can read a list of why the riot happend here a list that takes in polar bears, Marc Duggan, villages, twitter, the Arab Spring and criminality. The photoshoppers have already give us their amusing takes on the riots. But what about the artists? What did the riots inspire them to create?
TO the Philadelphia Tattoo Arts Convention for displays of painted human skin.
TRAYVON Martin, and his shooting dead by Robert Zimmerman, continues to ride at the top of the news cycle in the US.
We start the round-up with news that Fox News host Geraldo Rivera is sorry for saying that Trayvon Martin might have been asking for it because he went out wearing a hooded top. Says the rent-a-gob:
“I have obscured the main point that someone shot and killed an unarmed teenager.”
Obscuring the main point is what the media does. Of course, Geraldo is only a bit sorry, adding:
“I apologize to anyone offended by what one prominent black conservative called my ‘very practical and potentially life-saving campaign’ urging black and Hispanic parents not to let their children go around wearing hoodies.”
Hey, If saying things that make you looking like a twat saves live, Geraldo is guilty as charged, says Geraldo.
Trayvon Marin’s mother, Sybina Fulton is now on twitter. He rson was once on the social network, too. The Daily Caller has found his tweets on an account now closed. Trayvon tweeted under the name@No_Limit_Nigga.
Nigga. And Zimmerman is whitey. Yes, Zimmerman is hispanic. So, why did Zimmerman shoots Tryavon Martin dead? Well, the media have taken to calling Zimmerman a”white hispanic”.
LezGetReal has debated if anyone can be a “White Hispanic”.
The Root, NPR, International Business Times, Yahoo! News, The Madison Times, Reuters, our own ITV have all aped the New York Times’ news that Zimmerman is above all things “white”, even if he is Hispanic:
Deryl Dedmon, a white teenager who drove a pickup truck over a black man in the parking lot of a Jackson, Miss., motel, pleaded guilty to murder on Wednesday and was sent to prison for life…
“I do not ask y’all to forget, but I do ask y’all to forgive,” Mr. Dedmon said to the family of James C. Anderson, 47, who was killed last June, according to pool reporters in the courtroom…
The family has filed a wrongful death suit in the case against all seven teenagers who the police say were involved, including two girls.
Morris Dees, a founder of the Southern Poverty Law Center, is working with the family and their lawyer, Winston J. Thompson III. He said the family would continue to push for a civil trial so that more about the case could be revealed.
“You continue to see this around the country, the systematic targeting of black people. That’s what happened here and that’s what happened in Florida,” he said, referring to the case in Sanford, Fla., in which an unarmed black teenager was shot and killed almost four weeks ago by a white Hispanic crime watch volunteer.
So. It was all about race, then?.
Multiple suspensions paint complicated portrait of Trayvon Martin
As thousands of people gathered here to demand an arrest in the Trayvon Martin case, a more complicated portrait began to emerge of a teenager whose problems at school ranged from getting spotted defacing lockers to getting caught with a marijuana baggie and women’s jewelry…
In October, a school police investigator said he saw Trayvon on the school surveillance camera in an unauthorized area “hiding and being suspicious.” Then he said he saw Trayvon mark up a door with “W.T.F” — an acronym for “what the f—.” The officer said he found Trayvon the next day and went through his book bag in search of the graffiti marker.
Instead the officer reported he found women’s jewelry and a screwdriver that he described as a “burglary tool,” according to a Miami-Dade Schools Police report obtained by The Miami Herald.
Complicated? More complicated than black killed by white Hispanic? Could it be presented as being less complicated?
Michelle Goldberg writes:
I’m far from the first to notice the similarities between the way people talk about Martin and the way they talk about rape victims, whose clothes and histories are often subject to scrutiny no matter how cut-and-dried the case seems. Like a rape victim, Martin’s past is being excavated for evidence that he might have provoked the harm done to him.
The media is taking sides, choosing what and what not to highlight about the matter. Take the Drudge Report, which leads with a barrage of stories that cast shadows on the dead 17-year-old’s character.
Story selection is used to build a picture.
Take this from Yahoo!:
With a single punch,” the Orlando Sentinel, citing police sources, reported Monday, “Trayvon Martin decked the Neighborhood Watch volunteer … climbed on top of [him] and slammed his head into the sidewalk several times, leaving him bloody and battered.”
“That is the account Zimmerman gave police,” the paper said, “and much of it has been corroborated by witnesses, authorities say.”
Police and authorities are the same police and authorities who said Zimmerman committed no crime. They never even tested him for drugs or booze.
Pick a reader prejudice and pander to it. Take this in the Washington Beacon:
On the site Wagist, the question to be deabted is: “Was Trayvon Martin a drug dealer?”
Well, you can’t libel the dead,. So why not ask if he was into bestiality, child porn, Catholicism, saving whales and ballroom dancing. Wagist adds a section called “Multiple tattoos”. Who doesn’t have tattoos? The Queen has three.
Ian Pointon, chairman of the Police Federation in Kent, wants coppers to show off their ink. As he said:
“They can actually be a good way to start a line of communication with the public. It can be a bit of an ice-breaker . . . the days of tattoos being stigmatised should be over.”
Unless you’re black and have just been shot dead.
“Drug Culture,” says Wagist, adding:
Several of his friends have posted pictures of rolled blunts to twitter in memorial to Trayvon.
Because marijuana cause you to act in a violent manner?
Unless Trayvon was selling Orchids, it seems fairly reasonable to posit that he may have been somewhat well-known among his friends for selling marijuana.
Do white Hispanics sell or smoke marijuana? If not, why not? Perhaps Trayvon Martin’s death will trigger a sensible debate on the US’s failed drugs policy? After that the US could also hold a frank and open debate on race. If free speech means anything it means saying what you think. And right now the media seems to be speaking in code, saying that Trayvon Martin had it coming on account of his clothes and school report or that he was killed for that capital crime: walking while black.
A HISTORY of TV mix-ups – when things go deliciously wrong on the magic box:
Jocky Wilson/Jackie Wilson
The late Jocky Wilson has been remembered fondly elsewhere on Anorak, but one memory lingers: his “appearance” on Top of the Pops. Sure enough, as Dexy’s Midnight Runners blasted out “Jackie Wilson Says” – Van Morrsion’s tribute to the Detroit-born boxer-turned-soul singer – a backdrop hove into view featuring the “unmistakable” face of Scotland’s pre-eminent arrow-chucker…
THUSHA Kamaleswaran is on the front pages of the Sun, Mail, Mirror, Telegraph and the Guardian. The tabloids lead with photos taken from CCTV footage of Thusha being shot. The ‘broadsheets’ lead with photos of the child’s face before the horror.
Thusha Kamaleswaran is five years old. Her life changed when three men with murder on their minds – Nathaniel Grant, 20, of Camberwell, Kazeem Kolawole, 19, of Kennington, and Anthony McCalla, also 19, of Streatham – chased two rivals along Stockwell Road, London.
Thusha Kamaleswaran was in the Stockwell Food and Wine store on Stockwell Road, her uncle’s shop. One of the men being hunted by the gang ran into the shop. Nathaniel Grant was on a bicycle. He had the gun. He shot two bullets into the convenience store.