Key Posts Category
FLASHBACK looks at contestants in the Miss World and Miss America beauty pageants from the 30s and 40s. The concept of beauty has altered with time.
Today Cowell is on the tabloids’ front pages:
The Sun (front page): “JESSIE GAY – SIMON GAY”
One recalls the words of Simon Cowell, the ladykiller: “In this business, if you were gay it wouldn’t be a problem, would it?”
The Sun’s Jen Blackburn writes:
The Voice judge, 24, was ordered to hide the truth from fans by claiming to be merely bisexual, the unauthorised biography says. But in another book, Simon Cowell insists he is NOT gay, despite rumours.
WOMEN have loomed large in Simon Cowell’s legend this week, provoking cries of “Oh shut up!” and “I think the lady doth protest too much!” There’s talk of him bedding six women at once and a complete non-story about him fancying Dannii Minogue. However, there’s other elements to the high-waisted svengali that are much more fun to poke at.
According to a new biography about Cowell (so it must be massively true because books don’t lie), the X Factor mogul is completely and utterly mental.
Apparently, our Simon insists on having back toilet roll in his Beverly Hills mansion as well as having a feature that makes it look like he can walk on water like he’s Jesus or something.
JONATHAN Spelman, 17, is the son of Meriden MP and Environment Secretary Caroline Spelman. The Rugby Football Union has banned Jonny Spelman from playing rugby until October 19 2013. You see, he took illegal drugs – anabolic steroids and a growth hormone.
He cheated. Spelman has played for England’s youth team at under 16 level. His story is in the public interest. But his wealthy mum – a government minister – didn’t want you know about it. The woman – part of a Government that thinks it’s fine for the police to read your emails without a warrant – wants her son’s misdeeds to remain secret.
SIMON Cowell is on the cover of three newspapers. The Daily Mirror leads with a question:
“An affair with Dannii, lusting after Cheryl, knifing Gary Balow…have we finally had our fill of Simon Cowell?”
No. Well, you might have. But the tabloids haven’t. The Mirror’s front-page news is a trail for a diatribe from Alison Phillips, who reads the Sun’s extracts from Tom Bower’s new book Sweet Revenge, and says Cowell lacks “integrity”, is “seedy” and “smutty”, possessed of a “mammoth conceit”, is “paralysed from forming proper relationships” and lacks honesty.
But he is good for 500 words and a pay check. Ker-ching!
TOM Bower’s biography of Simon Cowell’s sex wish list – Sweet Revenge: the Intimate Life of Simon Cowell – is being serialised in the Sun. The Sun (prop. Rupert Murdoch) has bene the virtual in-house magazine for Cowell’s X Factor for years. In American, The X Factor is broadcast on Fox (prop, R. Murdoch), which also broadcasts American Idol (one of Simon Cowell’s other talent shows). The Guardian reports that the Daily Mail thought it would get the rights to the book because the Sun would dare not repeat the allegations that Cowell had shagged his co-judge Dannii Minogue. Accordingly, the Mail’s bid for the right was lower than the Sun’s.
And then this:
Ironically, former News of the World journalists [prop. R. Murdoch] have revealed that Bower’s revelation of Cowell’s short-lived relationship with Minogue was something they had tried to publish up a couple of years ago. The story was put forward to Colin Myler, the News of the World editor, who was happy to run it, until, the former journalists said, Cowell rang News International chief executive Rebekah Brooks [prop. R. Murdoch]. The story was dropped after that call.
The art and artfulness of crying lik a politician:
NORMALLY, one would feel sympathy for anyone reduced to tears by a Ken Livingstone campaign video. But when the blubber is Ken himself, and the tears are in full public view and in the presence of his own party leader, the response is likely to be rather different.
ART Frahm, the American creator of pin-ups, worked on one overriding principle: gravity plus everyday objects, notably celery, equals art. Falling panties were his sunflowers. You ladies had best stronger knicker elastic or else. As James Lileks notes: “Her pants are down and she can’t run. Have at it, boys!” The men in the pictures are always shocked and delighted, their greasepaint eyebrows lifted in expectation of still more excitement. Will she pick up her fallen groceries and celery sticks? Let’s find out:
AND so it came to pass that Pippa Middleton did change the course of popular culture. No longer is waving a gun – imaginary or with hooked fingers – the stuff of the urban warrior. It’s now the kind of thing entitled braying ninnies do on their way to a fancy dress party in gay Paris.
As soon as news of Pippa and her chums’ gun larks reached LA, local gang members put down their weapons and looked for other past-times. Says one local gang leader:
“Now dat motha-fuckka Pippa has popped a cpa in da ass of our look we be needin’ some new ideas.”
The Simon Cowell Sex Factor: lover stole TV star’s wallet and X Factor secrets but never told anyone
DAY Three of Simon Cowell’s orgy of print, according to Tom Bower’s serialised biography. Having not had sex with Cheryl Cole, Natalie Imbruglia and sat next to “brave” Dannii Minogue on the telly, the Sun’s front-page news is that the macho TV mogul once took a “woman” back to his LA hotel room. There, she stole “his wallet and a laptop full of show secrets”. It was just dumb luck that the thief he met in America last October never realised the wallet belonged to minter TV megastar S. Cowell or opened the computer and accessed the Top Secret X Factor Files. She most likely tossed the haul into a canal and went into hiding.
While the Sun bangs on about the X Factor for two pages – the sensation is that Cowell realised last year’s show was crap – the Daily Star ignores that and leads with news that Simon Cowell was “secretly engaged to a Daily Star Page 3 girl”.
ED Miliband has inspired the mind behind Rather Like Ed Miliband to create a Tumblr site of things that look like the Labour Party leader:
“One of the baby is not fully developed giving the present physical structure to the baby.”
Imran Sheikh, the father, wants help:
“”I can’t afford to visit Karachi and get treated my baby. I appeal philanthropists and the government to come forward for treatment of the baby.”
“COWELL’S AFFAIR WITH DANNII”
Inside the paper, Ben Jackson’s “world exclusive” tells readers:
SIMON Cowell had a sensational secret affair with X Factor judge Dannii Minogue, The Sun can reveal.
IT’S Ladies Day at Aintree 2012. The woman are shod and in the saddle. Everyone’s in the Chair. The most ladylike woman on show was Coleen Rooney. The rest were doing their best to maker her look like royalty. Who’s your favourite? And how do the ladies stack up to last year’s stable mates..?
THANKS to Clean & Dry Intimate Wash, you can “brighten” the skin around your vagina. For just Rs 90 (about £1) you can put spring in your step and your otter’s pocket. As the product informs the owners of darker, flatter less vivacious vaginas, there is hope:
“Life for women will now be fresher, cleaner and more importantly fairer and more intimate.
“Women can use this unique wash during their bath to cleanse their parts. The special PH balance formula maintains the skin’s sensitive PH balance keeping it fresh and protected from infection all day. For the first time women can now also brighten the darkened skin in thar [sic] area making it many shades fairer.”
The Devil is a master of disguise, even better than Heidi Klum. To date, the Devil has appeared as a serpent, a great red dragon, an archangel (all Bible), two brothers in Edlington, a dog in Stratford, East London (both the Sun), Haiti and Karren Brady’s chest. Now the Devil is a middle-aged mum-of-seven who is “slimmer and disguised with a new short hairdo” on a trip to buy ciggies.
The Sun adds:
Cruel Matthews looked chuffed to bits when she went shopping yesterday sporting the striking makeover.
Joe Eszterhas’ letter to ‘Jew hater’ Mel Gibson and Gibson’s reply in full – the Judah Maccabee missives
It’s an odd letter that rambles and rumbles on and on, focusing a lot on Mel’s anti-Semitic outbursts. Eszterhas has written the scripts for the films Showgirl, Basic Instinct and Jade. If the Maccabees script is like this letter then the film might not be worth the effort. Indeed, the best option would be to make a film of the letter, and to include Gibson’s reply, which can be read on the last page:
A big part of the X Factor’s charm is that, away from the crooning and contestant back-stories being forcibly rammed down your gullet, is the vague soap opera that dogs the judges. In the UK show, we’ve got the tension between whichever girls Cowell sits on the panel and, of course, the tension that emanates from every single pore on Louis Walsh’s tiny little head.
Over in America, the tension wasn’t quite there. Americans are, of course, unsubtle creatures who need things to be blindingly obvious before they recognise them. And so, to create cartoonish wrongery, Cowell has hired Queen Of The Damaged, Britney Spears.
EVER wonder what life is like for everyday people in North Korea? Well, keep wondering. The Associated Press’s David Guttenfelder was among journalists given a tour of Heaven on Earth. He was shown what the State wanted him to see. So. What you get is clue as to what the State thinks is edgy and go-ahead, like the woman reading a book as she about to cross a road, an apple juice factory, ten pin bowling, a pet fish swimming in a tank on a table inside a Chinese restaurant at a hotel in Pyongyang, a missile by a huge soldier, a factory making cotton thread, a traffic warden directing no traffic and a huge choir singing on the steps of a government building. MP3 players, cars, nylon, eBooks, hygiene and Flashmobs are soooo last season….
GIFS of the week – look out for the Human Haystack, animals being cute, the Swiss Ball-‘sup, juggling with dog and more…
IN World War 2, the US called up Superman, Captain America, Batman and others to fight the green-faced “Japanazis”, Hitler and Captain Nazi. The US also called up Super Rabbit, The Black Terror, Tod Houlton Super Green Beret, Captain Marvel and The Fighting Yank for their Anti-Hitler Comics. All the heroes were white, apart from the massive-lipped black boy hitting a hammer for peace (see photo)and the only non-white member of the Young Allies. His name? Whitewash. Can racism defeat the enemy? Well, if it can’t the Americans always had a comic book GOD…
BAD news for Mario Balotelli, the Manchester City striker, and Jennifer Thompson: neither are as famous or seductive to tabloid readers as Wayne Rooney. For the third time in five days, Jennifer Thompson is the Daily Star’s cover girl.
In that time she has been:
“DWARF’S GRUMPY-PUMPY WITH ROONEY HOOKER”
ARSENAL fan and jobbing BBC TV comedy show panelist Alan Davies has had his £1000 donation to the Official Hillsborough Justice Campaign rejected. Davies created upset when he questioned Liverpool’s refusal to play on the anniversary of the Hillsborough disaster, when 96 fans died – and police and media colluded to defame them.
Liverpool’s decision means that Chelsea have only two full days to recover from their FA Cup semi-final with Tottenham before their Champions League semi-final against Barcelona.
RICK SANTORUM has announced his withdrawal from the Republican presidential race and in his concession speech on Tuesday afternoon he name-checked some of the many social-media phenomena and online pranks that he has inspired. But the pro-life, anti-porn former senator from Pennsylvania kept quiet about the less than flattering memes that also went viral during his presidential campaign.
Unsurprisingly, he kept quiet about his notorious ‘Google problem‘. Thanks to a campaign by gay rights activists, for a long time the top result for a Google search for “Santorum” was the website Spreadingsantorum.com. It is dedicated to spreading awareness of a made-up neologism that ties Santorum’s name to gay sex.
He did, however, give a nod to the Twittersphere for making his favourite item of clothing – the sweater vest – famous. The Twitter handle @FearRicksVest pokes fun at Santorum’s attachment to his old-fashioned and casual look and Santorum’s campaign cashed in on its popularity by offering a branded vest to anyone who donated more than $100.
Before he bowed out, Santorum also gave a shout-out to the Harris sisters, whose Santorum-inspired tune Game On became a YouTube hit. The catchy chorus goes:
“Oh, there is Hope for our Nation again
Maybe the First time Since we Had Ronald Reagan
There will be Justice for the Unborn
Factories back on our Shores
Where the Constitution rules our land
Yes, I Believe… Rick Santorum is our Man!”