WHY do people pray in public? Is it to communicate with God or with the rest of humanity? Orchestrated public praying is a bit odd, isn’t it? We ask in light of a High Court judge Mr Justice Ouseley’s ruling in favour of a case brought by the National Secular Society (NSS) and a former councillor. They complained that orchestrated acts of prayer in the chambers of town and city halls were not on. The judge agreed. He said:
“I do not think the 1972 Act… should be interpreted as permitting the religious views of one group of councillors, however sincere or large in number, to exclude, or even to a modest extent, to impose burdens on or even to mark out those who do not share their views and do not wish to participate in their expression of them. They are all equally elected councillors.”
This means no council in England or Wales will be free to hold prayers as part of its formal proceedings because prayer is deemed ‘not useful’ to its work.
Clive Bone was the trigger for this bansturbation. Bone, a non-believer, was a Bideford town councillor in Devon. He left because of the council’s “refusal to adjust” its prayer policy. He put his case:
“I wouldn’t have had a problem if it was like when people say grace at a meal, but they had a vicar or a minister in who gave a minisermon and chanted prayers. You could tell that people were cringing.”
STUDENTS of Swansea University – tell us how you go to the toilet? Posters are on the walls of Swansea University are advising students how to use the toilet. The University says this is not taking the rise out of students hygiene habits, but addressing cultural differences.
The BBC notes:
In some countries in South East Asia where people squat to use the toilet there are posters informing Westerners how to use them.
In parts of the Middle East where plumbing systems cannot cope there are posters informing people not to put toilet roll down the toilet but in bins.
So. No harm done, then. No racism. The posters are just there for those who don’t know the rules – Asians, Arabs and anyone on a day trip from the Valleys. As the posters also show, people who do not know how to use Swansea toilets are always black.
A university spokeswoman assures us:
“Swansea University is a multi-cultural campus community and the informational posters were produced, for use in both male and female facilities, to help address cultural differences that were unfortunately causing damage and hygiene issues. The information was produced in conjunction with the International College Wales Swansea (ICWS) and displayed in key areas around the campus. Since the inception of these posters, the situation has greatly improved in the affected areas.”
The soiled toilet paper on the floor was placed there by non-British students, like Mustapha and Samira? The footprints on the toilet seat were the result of Young Kim Park’s weak bladder? It’s not the locals socking the floor and missing the bowl. It’s them – the foreigners with their odd bottom habits.
Of course, this is all bunkum. Most British students urinate freely in the street, having first sought out a bin or car wheel arch, and nine out of ten males prefer the kitchen sink to the sink in the bathroom or shower tray. For British women it’s all about Bounty Tissue, flower pots and jeggings.
The Sun’s front page story reads “England in race storm No. 2“. The paper trawls the history books and finds an 18-year-old story that Pearce, then with Nottingham Forest, apologised for allegedly racially abusing Manchester United’s Paul Ince during a match in 1994.
It was the game at United’s Old Trafford. Pearce shared the same Forest colours with Des Lyttle, Bryan Roy and Stan Collymore. Did Pearce racially abuse his black teammates? No. As a manager, has he picked players on the strength of their colour? No.
Before the Stephen Lawrence murder, football’s Kick It Out campaign and Sir William Macpherson’s new definition of racism (it’s racism if you say it is), people knew that racism was wrong.
“I won’t let my daughter be left heartbroken like me”
“Pregnant Chantelle on being abandoned”
On page 39, we meet Chantelle. She is sat on a bed. On it lies a single red rose. She rests a hand on her tummy. Whipped hair tangles over her shoulders. The woman impregnated by Katie Price’s ex Alex Reid is here to slam the rumours the couple are “on the rocks”.
“When Chantell arrives on the shoot, her eyes are glistening with tears, ‘I’m having a girl…I can’t believe it.”
THE nostalgia proof sex stills will take you back to those halcyon says of lurid colours, bouffant hair and European porn mags. While Britishers were watching sex comedies filmed in drab high streets, dull suburbs and tawdry holiday camps – Britain in all its glory: as passionate and sexy as eating chops, boiled potatoes and peas off a tray while watching Love Thy Neighbour – Europe was at it in day-glo latex and go-ahead gymnasiums and clinics. God – they were sexy. So, very, very sexy…
AS Fabio Capello “flees” England (Daily Star), the media goes into overdrive. Will Spurs manager Harry Redknapp now get the nod? Was Capello just warming the bench until Redknapp’s tax evasion trial ended? Was Capello undone because he canna speaka da Ingleeesh so good? Will he be replaced by Harry Redknapp, a man who told a court he he had the writing ability of a two-year-old (a face not recorded in the Sun – the paper for which Redknapp writes a column). Is Harry Redknapp the master of the English language we crave?
The FA’s decision to go over Capello’s head and strip Terry of the captaincy until after his July court case, where he will deny racially abusing Ferdinand, the Queens Park Rangers defender, led to the Italian quitting his £6m-a-year post.
Now read on…
The FA statement in full:
“The Football Association can confirm that Fabio Capello has today resigned as England manager. This follows a meeting involving FA chairman David Bernstein, FA general secretary Alex Horne and Fabio Capello at Wembley Stadium. The discussions focused on the FA board’s decision to remove the England team captaincy from John Terry, and Fabio Capello’s response through an Italian broadcast interview. In a meeting for over an hour, Fabio’s resignation was accepted and he will leave the post of England manager with immediate effect.”
THE cock of Sir Jimmy Savile may now be a shrivelled saveloy in its tilted grave that faces Scarborough’s sea, yet what Mrs Thatcher’s favourite DJ did with it and with whom is still the subject of immense fascination and conjecture.
The Oldie is now the unlikely source (via Guido) of further claims that the mummy-loving hospital worker was the subject of a BBC probe into allegations of his molestation of underage girls. A probe whose results never saw the light of day for reasons swathed in BBC beige.
IN September 2010, Paul Chambers lost his appeal against a conviction of “menace” for threatening to blow up an airport. His “foolish prank” on Twitter would stand as a sign that only quick thinking and rule of law prevented carnage.
In January 2010, Chambers tweeted to his friend Sarah Tonner, aka @crazycolours, his frustration that snow had stymied their efforts to hook up at her place in Northern Ireland:
“Crap! Robin Hood airport is closed. You’ve got a week and a bit to get your shit together otherwise I’m blowing the airport sky high!!”
Staff at Doncaster’s Robin Hood airport saw the tweet. They called the police. The police called the Crown Prosecution Service. They said Chambers had a case to answer:
The Crown Prosecution Service caused controversy by using a law aimed against nuisance calls – originally to protect “female telephonists at the Post Office” in the 1930s – rather than specific bomb hoax legislation, which requires stronger evidence of intent.
Anonymous emails link Syria’s Assad to George Galloway and ‘easily manipulated’ Americans.
ASMA Assad, 36, theVogue-approved wife to Syrian President, Bashar Assad, has spoken to the Times about her life and concerns.
Says Asma Assad in an email:
“The President is the President of Syria, not a faction of Syrians, and the First Lady supports him in that role.”
“The First Lady’s very busy agenda is still focused on supporting the various charities she has long been involved with and rural development as well as supporting the President as needed. These days she is equally involved in bridging gaps and encouraging dialogue. She listens to and comforts the families of the victims of the violence.”
Charity work must go on! Wernher von Braun was right – how the widows and cripples of old Homs Town will owe their large bags of second hand clothes and text books to Bashar Von Braun.
AFTER Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” in the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show, US broadcasters initiated delays, giving censors time to blot out any obscenity or profanity and to avoid the kind of furore caused by “nipplegate” (Jackson’s breast was briefly exposed during the live show). But at last night’s forty-sixth Super Bowl final there was, it seems, a censorship malfunction. A close-up of British artist M.I.A., finger-flicking and swearing into the camera, was beamed into the 47.8 per cent of US TV homes that had tuned in to watch the sporting event of the year.
The rude dance move came halfway through an extravagant Madonna show where M.I.A. was among the big-name guest performers. The censors tried to take action but missed the moment: a blurred screen came just moments after M.I.A. had stuck her middle digit up and rapped “Imma say this once, yeah, I don’t give a shit”. As for Madonna she was busy gyrating in the background.
MADONNA, Fraggle Rock: The Musical extras LMFAO, Thunderbirds inflatable puppet Cee-Lo Green and Nookie Bear-eyed Nicki Minaj were all there to keep eyes open and minds alive during the NFL Super Bowl XLVI American football game between the New York Giants and the New England Patriots in Indianapolis. Madge even dressed as Darth Vader and showed everyone her gusset. Hey, sports fans – hands up who prefers Janet Jackson’s nipple, or The Hammerettes..?
Madonna, right, and LMFAO perform during halftime of the NFL Super Bowl XLVI football game between the New York Giants and the New England Patriots Sunday, Feb. 5, 2012, in Indianapolis. (AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez)
THE State owns the body of a 29-year-old women. Mr Justice Hedley says the woman’s autism and IQ of 64 make her too mentally negligible to understand the dangers of sex. As such, he has imposed a “very restrictive” order on her. This will protect her from “potentially exploitative and damaging” relations. The ban mens anyone having sex with the woman could be charged with sexual assault or rape.
One man has been convicted of attempting to rape her. Also, the woman known only as ‘H’, had engaged in “exploitative and unconventional” behaviour with a “group of much older men”.
Were these much older men victims of their mental capacities?
Says Mr Justice Hedley:
“It is strange, but nevertheless true, that even the freedom to make unwise decisions is one that the court is required to guard and only to restrict if and when the best interests of [the woman] so require…Under the Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards order to which she is subjected and the latest ruling, the restrictions “prevent H from engaging in sexual relations (which she would otherwise willingly do) because she does not have the capacity to consent and they will be potentially exploitative and damaging.”
AMANDA Holden has had a baby. The birth of a child is a joyous thing and the red-tops do not overstate the arrival on planet Earth of Hollie Rose:
The Sun (front page): “HOLDEN the baby – First pic of Hollie Rose”
The Mirror (front page): “HOLDEN THE BABY”
Daily STar (front page): “AMANDA MIRACLE BABY – FIRST PICTURE”
Of course this is not really the first picture of Hollie Rose. This is the first picture of Amanda Holden holding Hollie Rose. Holden is the cougar judge on Britain Got Talent, the pushy head girl telling the hapless amateurs at the school of showbiz where they are going wrong and, with any luck, reducing them to tears.
It’s all about the presenter. Holden invests in her role as expert here to help your lowly lives by presenting her child for us to gaze upon.
THE Queen is making 60 years since her accession to the throne. For most of that 60 years her public face has been steady, a living statue who when you press her palm says something polite and meaningless. If it’s her birthday, a bouquet of flowers appears in her hands and a symphony strikes up. At all times she remains a millinery marvel, a woman in a lid. If she lives long enough the hat will come with solar panels and a windmill in an effort to reduce the Queen’s carbon footprint.
NICE little twist on the scourging of Fred “The Shred” Goodwin, former head of the Royal Bank of Scotland comes in Scotland on Sunday today.
It seems gagger Fred (super injunction on the fact he was bumping the uglies with a senior staff member, female, while helping preside over the collapse of his empire) was an adviser to the Queen AND Prince Charles long after he was forced to resign when the UK government took over 80 per cent of the RBS. The full tale is there if you follow the link above.
The in-joke is he was an adviser on risk management…the one thing analysts of the RBS banking disaster say was the bank’s worst failure..risk recognition. It was alleged at a Treasury meeting, as the banking situation reached crisis point, the then Sir Fred was locked out of the meeting on what to do because he had no idea how much money was urgently needed to stop his bank foundering.
RIHANNA, for a fleeting moment, was the most exciting new popstar on the planet. Sadly, once she got her heels in, she wouldn’t budge. She’s now so omnipresent that there’s a feeling of lethargy every single time she appears in the press with the release of her millionth single this year or, indeed, the latest risque quip about her sex life and such.
However, when all else fails, we can simply gawp at her like filthy perverts. That’s what we all do best, right? And where Rihanna is concerned, we should start running a sweepstake on when, rather than if, the sex-tape is getting leaked.
And to tenuously prove a point, we’d like to direct you toward Rihanna taking her clothes off to show us her new haircut. She can’t help herself can she? See, Rihanna posed topless so we could get a really good look at her new bleached blonde hair. She posted it on twitter, showing that she doesn’t even have to be convinced by fashion rags to disrobe. She’s more than happy to do it for us under her own steam.
TOP Totty, the smooth-skinned amber-skinned lovely with a good head, will not be in Westminster’s The Strangers’ Bar. The image has been deemed offensive to sherry drinkers and other women.
Shadow equalities minister Kate Green, Stretford and Urmston MP, found the “picture of a nearly naked woman on the tap” offensive. And because she was offended, the beer, on sale since 2007, has been banned.
Green then called on the Commons to champion “dignity at work in Parliament”.
MEET Nate Naylor. He’s famous because: 1) if you say his name over and over quickly you do an impression of the robots from the old Smash adverts; and 2) he’s sexing Scarlett Johanssen; 3) he has a tumblr site call upinguts, which features naked boobs (yeah Scarlett’s lover is a boobs man – who knew?!) and a nice shot of David Bowie.
People says Nate Naylor is a New York City-based advertising executive, which may be euphemism. The magazine creates Nate’s profile in five handy wallet-sized facts.
1. He has an eye for risqué art
2. He gets high praise from friends – for his work and looks
Naylor “is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in person,” says fellow freelance creative director Lawson Clarke, who is known in the ad world as Male Copywriter. “He basically looks like Morrissey in his prime.”
BREADING is the newest internet meme. The idea is simple: you place a splice of bread around your cat’s next or ruff, take a photo and upload it on the web. It’s a good way to test if you cat is wheat intolerant. Look how much he loves it:
JOHN Terry, the Chelsea and England captain is “TOXIC”. So says the Daily Mirror. John Terry has been charged with racially abusing QPR’s Anton Ferdinand in a Premier League game in October. Terry denies any wrongdoing. The matter will come before the courts on July 9, after the end of the European Championship.
But Damian Collins, a Tory MP who sits on the culture, media and sport select committee, saw fit to tweet:
“John Terry should stand aside as captain until the case is resolved, and any doubt either way removed.”
John Terry should lose his job because of an allegation?
This is Collins who claimed £4,440.90 over three months in rent for a house in London, despite declaring that he already owned a home in the capital. A pall of doubt hung over the young Tory . Did he step down while matter were cleared up? No. He just said the home was “too small to provide accommodation for my young family, and even if that was not the case, as a new member of parliament I wouldn’t be able to claim any accommodation allowance against the mortgage on the property”.