BERNARD Madoff has been sentenced to 150 years in prison. Madoff is to be a musical.
Take him away, Prince Buster and Judge Dread:
The BBC says the coins were issued “accidentally”. Although if 20 pence can be worth £50 by leaving off a date then why not repeat the mistake with 1 penny pieces and so turn each little coin in £2.50?
Or, better yet, turn the might £2 coin into £500.
MORE news on Habitat’s interesting use of Twitter and its efforts to ensure the people of Iran that whatever their troubles they can still get their hands on and “arch” Pack of 3 tea towels to help mop up all that blood.
Now Habitat is blaming an “overenthusiastic intern” for using online interest in Iran protests to promote their goods on Twitter. What you might call a company spammer:
“The hashtags were uploaded without Habitat’s authorisation by an overenthusiastic intern who did not fully understand the ramifications of his actions.”
“Fill your desire for something long, juicy and flame-grilled…”
(Click the ad.)
The woman, like the bun, appears to be made of plastic.
And it surely suggests that the beef might be hewn from all the best cuts.
And who does this ad appeal to, besides hacks looking for something to write about?
VIRIGN Atlantic’s 25th Birthday Celebration is so crayzee that Richard Branson has called upon Chris Biggins and the New of the World’s seance-voiced columnist Carole Malone to help him celebrate.
America does not deserve them.
Listen out for Malone swallowing her champagne in the First Class lounge as eh opines that Virgin is all about opening up flights to the lower classes.
IN a bid to save money, Old Mr Anorak has ordered his staff to pass through old magazines at his pulping/puppy mill and rip our all the coupons as his former SAVAK guards look on. Here are the Ten Best coupons:
THE Barack Obama Government is set to introduce a new test to see if you are overweight and a fit and proper person to run a nationalised Wall Street institution: The Laborghini Challenge. In this video, a man applies to be the new US director of RBS:
“We were completely fooled when it came to electricity and gas deliveries. Something that is going to cost us more than 1.5 billion kronor. I know that this will become a legal matter.”
SO inclusive is the new Germany that in those gold vending machines, they have placed something for everyone.
There are gold flakes for her. Gold buckles for him. And for the gypsies – oh, how they love the gypsies – they have gold the likes of which you have never seen:
The Mail goes on:
The former Royal Bank of Scotland chief has been living in a guarded villa on the Riviera because of public anger at his £703,000-a-year income.
TG-Gold-Super-Markt wants to place machines at 500 locations in Germany to cater for anyone desperate to buy gold at around 30 per cent higher than the spot market prices for the cheapest product.
BRITISH Airways has sent out a missive asking staff to work free for up to one month.
Staff can volunteer to work for one week and one month’s unpaid leave, or do unpaid work.
The tattoo bears the logo and URL MyMMOShop.com, a site selling World of Warcraft Gold goods.
Fantasy-driven teenage boys with priapic tendencies who can’t get a date will get a double whammy of World Of Warcraft and an eyeful of DD breasts.
The new 2nd Generation Under-Ease underwear for flatulence is made with the same quality design and soft materials as the original Under-Ease, and is manufactured in the U.S.A. 2nd Generation Under-Ease is made from Fabuthane Laminated Polyester fabric with a breathable film allowing the transport of heat and moisture from the inside to the outside of Under-Ease by the process of diffusion.*
Pati has a question about her pet:
“What is the best way to commemorate her and how can I continue to keep her near?”
“The Soft-Hearted Pillow is, in its simplest terms, an Urn Alternative.”
Until now, pet owners had a singular choice for preserving cremated remains; a solid, stationary urn to be positioned on a shelf, forever still. Now comes a supple, huggable pillow that captures the love and tenderness that pet owners feel for their pets in a secure yet soft, embraceable, warm alternative.
What could be nicer? Fidget is dead. So what do I do now:
Each Soft-Hearted Pillow comes with its own matching drawstring pouch with a satin ribbon. When you receive your pet’s ashes from the crematorium, they will be sealed within a plastic bag inside a tin or cardboard box. Remove the sealed plastic bag from the box and place it inside the drawstring Soft-Hearted Pouch that is included with your Soft-Hearted Pillow. The Soft-Hearted Pouch can then be tucked into the comforting, discreet, zippered pocket within your Soft-Hearted Pillow. Many pet owners find that they do not want to transfer the ashes themselves and chose to have a close friend, family member or even the veterinarian perform the transfer for them*.
*Friend, vet and significant other not supplied.
How do I know that my pet’s ashes will fit into the Soft-Hearted Pillow?
When a pet is cremated, one can expect the volume of ashes to be approximately 1 cubic inch (1”x1”x1”) per pound of body weight and for the total weight to be from 3 to 5 percent of the animal’s body weight. We have successfully accommodated the ashes of pets up to 150 pounds of body weight. Many pet owners have also chosen to only place a portion of a larger pet’s ashes within the Soft-Hearted Pouch to minimize the weight of the Soft-Hearted Pillow and because it is a fine option for those who wish to “share” the ashes between family members or locations.
Everyone gets a leg.
Will I be able to “feel” my pet’s ashes?
The Soft-Hearted Pillow is filled with the finest available fiberfill and the ashes are tucked deeply within the interior of the pillow. Whether or not the ashes can be felt is dependent upon the volume of ashes within the pouch but the only sensation felt is of a firm “center” or “heart” of the pillow. This becomes barely discernable with pets that are under 10 pounds.
Take care with that over-plumping, pet pals.
Why not use the fur as well? you can!
Four City investment banks have charged the Treasury at least £9 million in fees for advising the Government on how to stop the financial system from imploding, The Times has learnt.
In addition, UK Financial Investments (UKFI), the body set up to handle the Government’s bailed-out bank shares, spent £1.2 million of taxpayers’ money in the first five months of operation. It is believed that most of the money was spent on salaries for the handful of officials who operate UKFI, which is designed to be at arm’s length from the Government. UKFI is understood to have low costs outside salaries partly because it uses rooms within the Treasury as its headquarters.
The Treasury hired a swath of investment bankers for advice on how to stabilise the financial system and avert the collapse of more lenders. It also sought advice on how to help investment banks purge themselves of billions of pounds worth of bad debt on their balanace sheets.
Come the revolution, Gordon Brown will set up a department and a Revolution Czar…
You see, airlines are seeking to reduce fuel costs by reducing weight on planes. And American Airlines is requiring that all passengers use the bathroom before boarding the plane.
Instead of bank workers, customers will be met with a recorded voice that invites them to press button after button before picking a song that drives them insane.
Five years later the customer dies. But the bank lives.
ONE more reason to live in New Zealander (if you know the other one, let us know) as news reaches that Mitsubishi offers free goat with every ute:
MITSUBISHI Motors in New Zealand is offering a free goat with every Triton ute sold before August in a novel effort at correcting the economy.
Mitsubishi Motors New Zealand general sales and marketing manager Peter Wilkins said the economy’s recovery was in the hands of the rural sector, and goats, like Tritons, were “hardy, versatile units which will integrate directly into existing farm operations”.
MICHAEL Moore, an ambulatory advert for American consumerism, tells Huffington Post readers that he knew General Motors would fail. He just knew it.
“Twenty years ago when I made Roger & Me, I tried to warn people about what was ahead for General Motors. Had the power structure and the punditocracy listened, maybe much of this could have been avoided…
SUSAN Boyle Watch: In which Susan Boyle saves ITV and the economy…
All-singing ITV hits the high notes again – Perhaps it’s the Susan Boyle effect. More likely it’s the analyst effect. Either way, ITV is on song. Fresh from a strong rally on Wednesday after Goldman Sachs analysts published upbeat forecasts for the media advertising market, the broadcaster surged again to register its biggest single-session gain in almost eight weeks - Peter Taylor, Daily Telegrpah (May 28, 2009)