THE British Film Institute has added colour to this 1927 film of London shot by Claude Friese-Greene in Biocolour.
A GOOD Boys Always Sleeps With His Hands Above The Covers. A Good Boy Never Sleeps:
TEST Your Patriotism with the Intelligence Centre Inc., New York, and stand a chance to win a scholarship worth $495!
It’s 1963 and the world in the grip of a Cold War. You need to pick a side.
Americans look like this? They have Presidential hair and clear complexions.
FLASHBACK to the breakfasts of yestedday with Kellogg’s Sugar Smacks and “FREE DR Who Badges!” John Pertwee played the BBC time traveller between 1970 and 1974. He drove a jalopy called Bessie.
UNIT was the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce. The Brigadier was its stalwart. Jo Grant was a junior civilian operative for UNIT. The Master was the enemy, naturally.
IN the early 20th Century, tiger hunting was all the rage. King George V went looking for them after a good lunch with the Nepalese King. In 1902, Lieutenant Colonel Frank Sheffield went tiger hunting. He recorded his adventures in How I killed the tiger; being an account of my encounter with a royal Bengal tiger.
He tells his readers:
My main purpose in writing this little book, was to place in a permanent form a description of my wonderful preservation from death in a chance encounter with a Royal Bengal Tiger. My life had been adventurous up to that time. I had shot big game of various kinds. But this episode, so marvellous in itself, so important in its influence upon my after life and character, marks the close of my career as a hunter of big game.
These are the plates:
IN 1951: anyone uncertain of how to use a telephone was being educated:
WAR is utterly terrifying. It’s ugly. But in 1942, T.W. Smith, Jr., owner of the Sun Rubber Company, and designer, Dietrich Rempel, created something to give children nightmares: the Mickey Mouse gas mask, as approved by Walt Disney.
AUSTRIAN physician Stefan Jellinek founded The Electro-Pathological Museum in 1936. Hr provided the content in Elektroschutz in 132 Bildern (Electrical Protection in 132 Pictures). DEath and electricity went hand-in-hand. But with this book, you would be forewarned.
If you can identify all the contraptions, let us know.
IN the early 1990s, the world was in peril. Telephones were falling into pies, to the floor from desks and very possibly being mistaken for carrots. But help was at hand. The Phone Relief Ultimate Hands-Free Headset was here.
IN the 1950s, the powers that be created a comic book to tell kids what hideous fates could befall them if they took risks and failed to spot danger signs. The safety manual as called It’s Great to Be Alive! – aka Never Ride A Bike.
In this scene the motorist has run over the armed juvenile delinquent on a shooting spree.
IN 1925, the Swastika was the symbol of go-ahead, thrusting futurism. Coca Cola tapped into the feel-good factor with its Swastika watch fob bearing the legend: “Drink Coca Cola five cents in bottles.” The fob was 4cm squared and made in brass.
IN 1881, the London St James’s Gazette reported on the end of life on Earth. The news was picked up by Australia’s Bendigo Advertiser:
The London St James’s Gazette writes :—
” This planet, it seems, is threatened with serious changes by the extension of the telegraphic system. A timely note of warning to this effect is given by one of the American papers. Polarity, it observes, depends upon a current of electricity passing at right angles to the direction of the poles. The polarity of the earth depends upon the electric or heat currents of the sun, and it is highly probable that the earth’s inclination to the ecliptic is governed by its polarity. If, therefore, there were instantly established sufficient electrical connection by wires around the earth, with the earth itself, to instantly equalize the current and produce a complete reduction of all electrical excitement, what would be the effect on the polarity, and secondly on the inclination to the ecliptic ? May there not be a sudden change of polarities — the Arctic region becoming equatorial, and the tropics suddenly changed to polar temperature? The sudden melting of the vast ice fields would produce another glacial flood ; the present race would disappear, and the man of the quaternary would begin life ever again at the antipodes. All this is to be accomplished by the continuation of complete circuits for telegraphing around the globe. Of course tremendous earthquakes would follow, as the polar diameter is twenty-six miles too short and the equatorial twenty-six miles too long. Whether this theory prove correct or not, there cannot be a doubt that something has of late gone wrong with atmospherical arrangements, and perhaps the telegraph wires are not wholly blameless in the matter.”
ONCE upon a time, we are always told, the FA Cup Final was one of only two games shown live on television each year. (The other being the England v Scotland fixture in the late and unlamented Home International tournament.)
And in the days before video recorders, there were few opportunities to relive those magical moments.
You could look at your rosette, with its odd-looking cup.
You could read your official match programme, with its pages of Double Diamond ads (and in the case of the 1946 final, the news that, along with their “stockings”, Charlton Athletic wore white knickers, and Derby black).
You could watch a goal again and again by flicking the pages of a flip-book.
You could buy Super-8 films – if you had a projector, and weren’t too bothered about burning the living room curtains as the celluloid caught light.
Or more timid souls might have opted for a souvenir LP of the match commentary.
For most, however, the gift that kept giving was the Cup Final Song, usually sung by the lads themselves and carefully mixed to hide the vocal shortcomings therein. Some made the pop charts; others disappeared into oblivion. Here’s ten of the best.
The Anfield Rap came from left-field before the 1988 FA Cup final against Wimbledon and the only fond memory of that occasion for Reds fans.
9. Stoke City
The Potters’ ponderous We’ll Be With You was the soundtrack for their far-from-ponderous League Cup victory in 1972.
Good Old Arsenal is a strange hybrid. The tune is ‘Rule Britannia’ and the lyrics (such as they are) were penned by Jimmy Hill – a man with no connection to the club.
Plenty of club songs in their locker, including this effort from the sixties.
But their representative here is Here We Go – an interesting take on the theme song from the miners’ strike. In another interesting twist, it was recorded after their 1984 FA Cup win.
6. Leeds United
A-side Leeds United made the charts, but like a Beatles single, it was the B-side (Leeds! Leeds! Leeds! commonly known as Marching On Together) that endured.
The Pensioners’ anthem Blue Is The Colour was recorded not for the famous 1970 FA Cup Final, but for the 1972 League Cup Final, which they lost to Stoke. This video shows the recording session, including a very drunk Alan Hudson, who probably hadn’t recovered in time for the final.
4. West Ham United
A valiant, if somewhat dated, reggae version of the Hammers standard, performed by Bonzo, Sir Trev and pals for the 1975 FA Cup Final against Fulham.
3 Crystal Palace
The Dave Clark Five’s Glad All Over became the Palace anthem during the 1960s, so it was the obvious choice for the team to record for the Wembley debut in the 1990 FA Cup Final.
2 Tottenham Hotspur
Spurs had plenty of cup form in the studio. The Cockerel Chorus hit the carts in the early 1970s with Nice One Cyril, and a decade later came Ossie’s Dream, recorded by Chas & Dave with the ‘Tottingham’ squad. The duo would go on to pen two more cup final tunes: Hot Shot Tottenham in 1987 and, best of the lot, Tottenham, Tottenham in 1982. Here it is on Top of the Pops.
Not an obvious choice, perhaps, but a classic nonetheless. Recorded decades before the club’s first FA Cup Final in 2004, Let ’Em Come was the theme tune for the road to Wembley. A rousing tune with pleasingly menacing undertones.
IN Skills of Defensive Driving, the Australia Department of Transport pops the sex comedy soundtrack into the player and keep your eyes on the road. This was made by Film Australia in 1973:
Episode 2: Easter Time
Episode 3: The Car Behind
Episode 4: The Head On Collision
Great intro. An inspiration for Police Squad.
Episode 5: Cross-roads crash
IN 1967, IMB hired Jim Henson to educate their staff. His Muppets were here to help. Cue the Cookie Monster:
STAR Wars: the 1970s French disco dance-off between Darth Vader and C3PO:
IN 1977. Vogue magazine hooked onto the Star Wars craze with a feature called THE FORCE OF FUR: Vogue fashion spread from 1977. Jerry Hall, Darth Vader, C3PO, Stormtroopers and Jawas real;sied that with fur comes intergalactic harmony.
In the first picture, Hall is wearing a Wookie:
MARGARET Thatcher refuses to jump. In 1995, Swedish host Stina Lundberg Dabrowski asked Maggie to jump. Margaret Thatcher said no.
Nick Clegg, David Cameron and Ed Miliband all reply in one voice: “How high do you want us? And when can we come down?”
“IF only childbirth were that easy! Vintage mommy-to-be doll has spring-loaded baby and belly that is INSTANTLY flat afterwards,” reports Margo Peppers for the Daily Mail.
Good to see the Mail supporting single mums. ‘Judith’ Barbie is, of course, unmarried. And Ken, has no penis. The 1992 baby was a result of Barbie’s lesbian relationship with Sindy. The sperm was harvested from one of these swine. (Any similarities to Victoria Beckham are entirely coincidental.)
THE Day My Kid Went Punk was a 1987 abc Afterschool Special. It posed the question:
“What do you do when your bright, loveable, talent kid turns into a punker overnight?”
Hide your eyeliner?
On with the Punksploitation:
WHAT did John Lennon see in Yoko Ono? In The Beatles, Football And Me, Hunter Davies wrote about Lennon’s relationship with Brian Epstein, the band’s manager. They went to Spain together. Writes Davies:
“John wasn’t a homosexual, but he was daft enough to try anything once.”
Lennon’s childhood friend Pete Shotton says Epstein “toss [Lennon] off”.
BEFORE the age of digital cameras in everything, buying a snapper was a call to loins. Men needed cameras for one reason: to record women (and in one instance below, other men). We’ve compiled 21 great images of what photography looked like before self shots and the internet.
Michael Landon did it was “flash”. The star of Little House on the Prairie was the wholesome and good Charles Ingalls, creating a myriad children from God’s will and hearty woodland walks. Then in the 1980s he got a Kodak Ektralite camera and went to film girls in their swimmers doing onto varnished hardwood flooring.
Going Beyond subtle.
Whipped hair and soup strainer, Tamon man was a serious photographer. The Playgirl ideal never smiled.
She’s looking at you. He’s looking to steal her necklace.
The name’s Bond. Basildon Bond. So shoot me!
Why flash at the beach? Because with brilliant light you can see through her swimsuit, that’s why. And you live in Bridlington.
It’s 1932. Women are free to watch.
The XL Addict has a raincoat and bins. He is a “man on the move”. He;’s looking at your “money maker”. He is the man your mother warned you about.
Five reasons. One… two… three… (or are they a pair?)… four…
Get a grip
An eyefull. Shoot.
Romance lives in upskirt shots.
Your Kodak dealer has lots of photos. You just need to aks the right questions.
That sort of man. And it’s not “small”, ok.
Also cooks, cleans, communicates with Mars and deflects Russian atom bombs. The camera is merely huge.
The man on the floor is a keen observer of the human condition.
The Nikkormat FTN is “bait”. Be the master of bait…
See that girl in the distance? Now take a look through a Soligor 80-200. Yeah, she’s that close.
Camera woman wears ideal photography kit.
It’s just like being there.
With the Vivitar Super 8 women are easy meat.