
Madeleine McCann: 100 Days Of Voyeurism And Entertainment
THE case against Robert Murat is making slow progress, or no progress. An unblinking Madeleine McCann continues to stare at readers from the front page of the tabloids, scaring parents and children via leaflets in banks and cinema adverts.
But now there is a new bad man. He is Francisco Pagarete. He is the lawyer acting for suspect number one Robert Murat.
“Lawyers sick outburst,” says the Mirror’s front page. “These bloody McCanns should just go away and leave this town,” says he. “They’re giving it a bad name.”
The Express also leads with the lawyer’s words, albeit abridged to “Why don’t these bloody McCanns go home”. The words hang beneath the word “MADELEINE”, the Express’s bold statement playing at the bold facts.
And there is more from Pagarete. “As a Portuguese person I think it is strange that somebody would leave their kids. Then, after the first thing happened, they left their twins and went to see the Pope. It was like the McCanns on tour.”
The McCanns did meet the Pope. Or, as Mick Hume points out in the Times, “as a BBC headline put it, in a Lloyd-George-knew-my-father moment, ‘Pope meets Madeleine’s parents’.”
That was the private moment played out before millions. The McCanns were doing their bit, getting spiritual succour. But why were we all invited to watch? Were the media outlets going out of their way to help one family or just giving the public what they wanted: grief.
But there was no news. There is no news. All is a public spectacle. And now the lawyer for the only suspect is the bad man who says bad things.
“You would never leave them alone like that in a foreign country and go to have a drink. It is not a normal thing,” says he.
Many may well be appalled. Others will agree with Pagarete. But these words and their reporting add nothing to the case, shed no light on the girl’s disappearance.
In any case, the McCanns aren’t leaving. “I won’t be driven out by bullies,” says Kate McCann on the Mail’s front page. This is the “Kate McCann interview”.
Says she: “Sticks and stones… we will never go through anything worse than being parted from Madeleine. We will not be leaving or be forced out. I am not prepared to be bullied into something that I don’t want to.”
So she won’t go. And tomorrow when it will be 100 days since Madeleine disappeared, the McCanns will be in Praia da Luz. And so too will be the TV cameras and the newspaper reporters.
They will want a story. And they will get balloons, doves and to review an investigation that has turned into voyeurism and entertainment…
Posted: 10th, August 2007 | In: Madeleine McCann Comments (239) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
Comments





March 27th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Last?
September 9th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Erm.. The only place I’ve seen anything about them hiring Stella Mcartney is the fictional news website here:
http://www.pugbus.net/artman/publish/08127002_11_makeover.shtml
See the disclaimer down the bottom?
August 30th, 2007 at 1:51 am
Grandad: I also read something about little Madeleine being autistic, not the common autism we are “used” to hear about,(children living in their own private world…and so on) but a kind called Asperger Syndrome. Children with this syndrome are really normal and most of the times their intelligence is above average, many times they are labelled as hyperactive, because they can really be very active, always asking things, speaking all the time, repeating things, requiring all the attention. I’ve read from teachers dealing with children with this syndrome and they say it can really be exausting to have a child like that, the same for the parents… and most of the time medication is needed. In adults they tend to maintain the syndrome, maybe need medication but generally can have a normal life. Well, I don’t know if it is true or not, but Grandad you have a point there, all facts must be considered and i really appreciated your comment. Something to consider in this story…
About the syringe, I wrote that, not because I read, but because it was on TV today, but latter, in another news report it was said that Mr Mccann said it was not true. We have a sentence here “where there is smoke there is fire”…but then this story is full of speculation.
Well, it seems we are all in this together, besides our comments, and for “Sensible adult” that is precisely because we have a life and this subject is really moving inside us. I am not the same person since this all happened, I feel so many things at the same time…I feel confused, hurt, betrayed, really sad and down, one day I am full of hope I want to shout for Maddie hopping she can listen to me and say we are all fighting in our own way to find out what happened, to make her justice. Other days I just don’t believe this and hope I wake up… I look at her and imagine if time could go back… I want to hug her, give her strength and tell her that all Earth loves her forever…but I wish she was alive, because inside in my heart I feel this is not true. I look at the stars with my children at night and allways think of her, how she may be one of those little stars now…
That’s because we have a life that we FEEL, LOVE and CARE for other beings, it’s part of us, I cannot have my normal life (inner life I mean) while this story continues and I go “autistic” about it. I have to confess, and many of you may too, that my life will never be the same again. Specially for someone that is a mother or father and we know… anytime, anywhere I give my life for my children, it is a kind of love impossible to describe, there is no language in the universe to explain that. And little Madeleine is now like a daughter for all of us, no matter we did not know her…she (is) was a child, pure, innocent, lovely in everyway, a human being with a life to live all the way. Can someone ignore that and not love a child? Any child, any color, any race ? I cannot sit and look at the TV and say “well she wasn’t my daughter” because I absolutely can’T” It’s stronger than me, and I feel this way not only about Madeleine, but also with other similar sad stories. I am hypersensitive maybe, but I’m not the only one…
I think we all can only “rest” when this story ends and hope justice is done, we try to think positive, but by this time only a miracle or somekind of magic that would make time go backwards…I wish I could.
Good night to you all, let’s hope together….
August 29th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
sensible adult:
when i opened your comment I was expecting to hear some important information regarding the injustice perpetrated on a young innocent victim.
This case will make a difference on how all innocent victims receive justice. To that end I will continue to read ALL comments..hoping that justice will take its rightful course.
I do hope you do not read this since you “have a Life?” and you are a sensible adult…beleive me this child will receive justice…
August 29th, 2007 at 9:33 pm
Can’t you people get a life!!!!!!
August 29th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
PS. I mean I hope I am wrong about Kate and Gerry mcCann and that Gerry does know she is alive and well…That is the way it should end…
August 29th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
RE:star
Does gerry state why he thinks she is alive in Spain?? If he thinks this why does he not get his own PI to investigate..That would be the right thing to do for a desperate parent anxious to get his child back…Madeleine being alive and well is what we all want to hear and gerry is aware of that…I hope I am wrong…
August 29th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Re:grandad
you are extremely accurate in your observation…although it is hard for me to understand how the whole McCann clan & friends would go to such extremes to involve world renound people in their scam. Perhaps it blew out of proportion and they took it for all they could get?? There was no turning back for them…I hope we are all wrong and Madeleine is safely returned. Unfortunately I think otherwise.
August 29th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Grandad…..I too had a strange feeling when the whole Maddie abduction came out in the news. For some reason i feel Kate and Gerry and their friends know more than they are saying.(this may be confirmed by the cell phones, texts and emails bugging by the police) The autistic thing came up before. Not sure if it is true or not. Just like the sleepwalking and drugging of the children. I guess all we really know is Maddie is missing. I believe the police are on to something, they just have to wait (and wait) for the test results (which can take a few weeks longer now?)
Odd now that there may be some info, Gerry tells us he believes she is alive and well in Spain?!?!?
Have you checked Gerry’s blog? A few of us wonder why we hear so much about him jetting around and having lunch with friends, Kate doing interviews and staring at the ocean, and Kate and Gerry’s “family” time with the twins at the zoo, or the ocean or at friend’s homes. Some entries dont even mention Maddie’s name.
I too hope she is alive and well and will be found soon!!
August 29th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
I have had grave misgivings that things were not as they were portrayed right from the start, from the first press conference given by Gerry. Until now, I didn’t know this website existed and I kept my thoughts to myself, so it’s amazing to see that so many of you are as confused and uneasy as I am. I won’t list the things that don’t add up about Maddie’s disappearance, there are so many and they have been well documented here by others.
For me, the thing that really sent a shiver down my spine was the revelation that Maddie may be autistic. Whatever really happened to Maddie (I think the probability of abduction is very low), if she has even mild autistic tendencies this may be key to the odd attitudes and behaviour of Gerry and Kate.
I suspect that they were more in love with the idea of having a family rather than the reality. Their need to use IVF to conceive created a delay of several years, during which they became entrenched in an indulgent lifestyle, but euphoria would have taken over when they heard that Kate was pregnant at last. Even a perfect child can be a culture shock to first-time parents and it’s impossible to imagine just how much an established and self-centred lifestyle must change, until you experience it for yourself.
I’m sure that Gerry and Kate, as doctors, would have been aware of the risk of giving birth to a child who was less than perfect. But high-achieving parents can tend to assume that their offspring will naturally follow in their own footsteps. If Maddie is autistic at the less severe end of the autistic spectrum, her condition may have become apparent fairly recently. However, if it had been detected earlier, this may explain why Gerry and Kate decided to try IVF again when they did, in frustration that the first attempt hadn’t produced the perfect child they craved.
It seems that Kate was finding it difficult to cope as a mother and there is little doubt that she and Gerry couldn’t reconcile responsible parenting with a self-centred lifestyle they were reluctant to give up. This would have been accentuated by a realisation that, if Maddie did have autistic tendencies, her demands on them would only increase over time.
I have a strong feeling that Gerry or Kate (or Gerry and Kate) do know what really happened to Maddie. If so, I fear that she will not be found alive. I hope that I (and the rest of you) are way off-beam and that Maddie is found, safe and well, but it is a slim and desperate hope.
August 29th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
me…..syringe with tranquilizer was found in the Mccann apartment?!?!?! Wow, I had not seen this. I wonder if this is fact.
I did read that Gerry got all upset when asked about being the last to see Maddie alive and left an interview.
His blog is odd, i was just wondering if he was reaching out to someone or talking about him and Kate?
I hope we hear something soon about this lil child…
August 29th, 2007 at 11:44 am
We are all holding our breaths here (Portugal)… please, please, I hope I am wrong, as I said before, I can’t explain what I feel, and many of you feel the same about this story.
In today’s news there was the information that a a syringe with tranquilizer was found in the Mccanns apartment, I know some of you will think “ok, only now ?”. There are many differences concernig the investigation procedures in different countries, but here the police is not authorized to reveal details of what they are finding. Our country has a high rate of solved cases maybe because this kind of acting…by publicising details concerning investigations the polices in other countries may help the criminals escape or act in another ways that make them hard to get. This way, the real suspects can be at ease, relax and move around while they think the investigations point another way. Suddenly….boom, they are caught! Our police is really one of the best in the world, people make critics all the way… they are slow…they did not close the borders…etc, well, from the beginning they know there was no need to close the borders…they know what happened in that day, but they have to collect evidence and build the puzzle. Meanwhile they had to find a “suspect”, Robert Murat, and they had to follow the “circus” to see where it all would lead. The delay in the DNA results is not helping but within some days there may be a real turn around in this strange story…
August 24th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
It is not being mean, I think it is just trying to put the puzzle pieces together…there is much information going on here and many things the Mccanns did and said that are hidden for the time being, so many contradictions…
I don’t believe the poor little girl is alive and I’ve seen many strange things happen to children done by their parents. Oh, how I wish I was wrong…I hope and hope…but all things start to point the other direction. Reports of Madeleine being alive are by the dozens everyday…but all that only contributes to mix things a little more. I also don’t understand why the results from the DNA test are taking so long…maybe because something really important was found, and now there are many things involved in all this circus… how will they all end with this ? Ministers, governments, the Pope….and many other all believe this sad story and now….?
I wouldn’t be surprised if the results come as “not Madeleine’s blood”…even if they were… there is much more in the game now than just the whereabouts of a little girl. Well, life is a game and the Mccanns have well demonstrated they really know how to play, they may go away to their normal life with nothing resolved… but the doubt will always be there for the rest of their lives. As doctors they know very well how to act … Madeleine will never be found.
I am sorry, it’s not being mean, and I am deeply sad about this all thing and if the story end uo being like this…oh I wish I was born a dolphin.
August 23rd, 2007 at 9:19 pm
hello.
reading some of these comments, i really think some people are being mean. the horrible truth is, most people would love to believe the mccans were linked with maddie’s dissapearance because in a nutshell, it makes a good scandal. good television and something to talk about.
but think about this, if they found their daughter dead, i’m sure they would be in too much hysteria over their poor madeliene to start thinking about how much trouble THEY would be in, come on.
and yes, they don’t like to face-up to the blood evidence so on. this could be because they are scared of the truth, they are scared of finding out if their daughter is dead. please, put yourself in the mccans position before you start making rash assumptions.
away from that, i was reading on some websites the other night and i found someone who said this “dont worry about madeline i have confirmed reports of her whereabouts and claimed she is still alive” this gave me chills up my spine. unfortunately i could not get on to the topic of whoever wrote this, i urge you all to look up on this.
August 23rd, 2007 at 5:34 pm
Hi Me…..IMO the police from Portugal and the UK are on to something and from what they have said numerous times poor Maddie is dead. I guess they are leaning toward accidental death in the apartment. If the dog did get a hit on a dead body THEN she had to be dead in there for a few hours which would not go with the story the Mccanns have told us(unless they were checking a dead child?) Also Dad seems to think she is in Spain now? I hope they are wrong about her being dead!! They dont go for the “abduction”. And after reading that there was a child crying in the Mccann room on more than one night, I have to say i cant believe these parents, leaving those children to go have a good time. Talk about selfish!! I would hate to think that they did something to cause Maddie’s death BUT the part that is even worse…WHERE IS SHE?!?!?! Your are right when you say so much was going on, coming and going, that i guess it would of been easy to hide a small child. The whole twin thing is odd, not waking up at all….too bad they could not of been tested for drugs in their system. But i think everyone believed the Mccanns UNTIL things started to not add up. They have now told them not to leave Portugal. I dont think they could of got Maddie back to the UK but then again this is one strange case and i guess anything is possible. I guess all we can do is hope and pray that Maddie is alive and whoever did this is caught and punished.
August 23rd, 2007 at 5:17 pm
I am sorry to tell you my friends, but the things will explode soon…the theory may be wrong but the Portuguese Police knows what happened that night..and they know it for so long…the problem is that they have to collect evidence, that’s why the results from the DNA test are important. To confirm the or not the events on that night. Probably the blood is not Maddie’s …
But they know she is dead…
The Mccanns left their children alone and not only in that night. The all group acted that way… They never wanted baby sitting, neither walkie talkies….no need of course, they knew the kids would not wake up…because they were sedated! The twins did not wake up with all the confusion and when they were moved to another room to start the investigation. Lots of people in the room, lots of noise…deep sleep!
Something happened that night and Maddie was dead, an accident, maybe she woke up…all alone…or the dosis was to strong…heart stoped…lung faillure. The parents knew they were in trouble, big trouble. But the scenario could be different. As intellingent people they started this circus and when everybody was searching for Maddie all over the world, they could get rid of the body. With the help of some friends, of course.. travelling…Spain, Germany, England, Morroco…a 4 year girl fits well in a suitcase. And as they they were known to the world, everybody respecting their grief, there was no need to check luggage…
So, little Maddie may be very very far from Portugal, not alive…and meanwhile the circus goes on and on until de fund has enough money so that the Mccanns can hire the best defense in the world when the bomb explodes !
Sorry, this is so cruel… but the human race has proven many times before that this scenarios happen. It’s so sad… God help us to face this monsters, it’s hard to believe, it hurts us as humans, and I hope I am totally wrong !
August 23rd, 2007 at 5:49 am
jules….Here is another reason i think people have taken a dislike to the Mccanns…Can you believe this?
Expatriate Pamela Fenn, 81, who lives in the flat above where the McCanns were staying, was re-interviewed by detectives on Monday after it emerged that she might have fresh clues.
Widow Mrs Fenn told police that two nights before Madeleine went missing she heard a little girl in the apartment crying for over an hour.
She said the toddler, who is believed to have been Madeleine, was crying “Daddy, daddy” constantly between 10.30 and 11.45pm.
The crying had stopped when the parents returned to the apartment.
On the night Madeleine disappeared, Mrs Fenn also heard a child crying, but it was when Kate returned from a nearby restaurant to check on her daughter that she was first aware something was wrong.
That night they came in at 11.45pm? Did the apartment people contact the mccanns at this time to ask them to use the day care? She cried for over an hour…how did they feel when they came back and saw her all upset?
August 23rd, 2007 at 3:43 am
jules…..No one wants to think a parent could harm their child….BUT it happens more than we can imagine…terrible abuse, neglect and even killing at the hand of a mom or dad.
None of us know the Mccanns on a personal basis, we dont know what kind of parents they are…..but we have a hard time tryin to figure out why they would leave their children alone in an unlocked apartment, in a strange country, night after night while they are out eating and drinking and having a good time. We dont know how they acted before this. We dont know what kind of people they are. But i think they already have a mark against them leaving the kids alone. I’m sure we all hope that Madeleine is alive and well and that she will be found soon. I’m also sure we all hope that Kate and Gerry and their friends had nothing to do with her disappearing that nite. But stranger things have happen….Also you have to admit some of the things they Mccanns have done or said are a bit odd. And there are inconsistencies in their story and that of their friends. Hopefully we will know what happen that night soon….
August 22nd, 2007 at 11:34 pm
I think that all this specualtion is crap. I think the McCanns are desperate to find their daughter and to suggest they had anything to do with her abduction or anything else is outrageous. Some people just like to feed off other people’s misery. Just think how you would feel if it was your daughter.
August 18th, 2007 at 12:41 am
One other thought….if Madeleine did die in an accident in that apartment, I guess the next think is who removed her body from the room? The man with the child in a blanket? Was that child moving around? Someone said the Gerry took out a bag of trash, suitcases? car trunks? I just hope they find this child alive, if she has died, she still needs to be found. All this talk about beind dumped in the sea or with the trash? That is awful…I still think there is something not rite with the parents and friends…..if they have known she is dead, they really are awful people…
August 18th, 2007 at 12:33 am
since they are still posting news clips about the intercepted phone calls and texts and emails and in the same clips saying the parents are NOT suspects, and they are bringing in the friends again for questioning…One would have to wonder if one or more of the friends is the suspect?? But the Mccanns would also know she was dead….Makes no sense
Just read that the Mccanns told the twins that Madeleine is missing and mummy and daddy are looking for her,(previousy they told them she was on a holiday). Well I dont know how much they can understand. It is probably better they are only 2 1/2 cause i dont think they are capable of gettin upset…..
August 16th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
Thank you Martin! Once again I agree with you. From Day one “I did not want to go there”
This is “appearing” to go in a direction I did not want. Will Madeleine get any justice?
August 16th, 2007 at 10:19 am
Wandered and fell in a hole?……
Wandered and nobody saw her except an opportunist paedophile?…..
Though remotely possible, I bet the police dont believe either of these any more…….
August 16th, 2007 at 12:52 am
Parent’s not supects?? Perhaps an intruder entered the apt.??? …blood is not Madeleine’s..dogs sense a dead body..Something is very ,vey suspicious..Madeleine deserves better.
August 16th, 2007 at 12:32 am
After exhausting all leads suggesting Madeleine was abducted, police are now working on the theory she suffered an accident or was killed inside the flat.
They have confirmed that the parents are not suspects. Two specialist British sniffer dogs, one with the ability to find small traces of blood and the other a “victim” dog who can detect human remains, were brought in a fortnight ago.
Speaking to a Portuguese TV station, Mr Sousa said that they had traced the scent of a body inside the family apartment where Madeleine disappeared and found specks of blood.
**they say the blood is not hers? The dogs got a hit on a body scent…how many bodies have sat in that apartment? And if she had an accident, arent the parents responsible because she was only 3 and left alone? I dont get the parents are not suspects if the cell phone and text and emails were suppose to have clues that she was dead. This is one strange case…
August 15th, 2007 at 11:03 pm
Me,too!
August 15th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
From one of today’s Spanish Papers:
http://www.infobae.com/contenidos/331952-100796-0-Crecen-las-sospechas-contra-los-padres-Madeleine
The announcement of a new personality in the desperate search for the small 4-year old British girl is complicating even more the McCanns’ situation. The Technical Services Director of the Ocean Club resort, Silvia Batista, affirmed that the same night on which Madeleine disappeared, she in person offered child-minding services “because the hotel is responsible for its clients’ children, but they rejected that”. Madeleine was seen for the last time on the 3rd of May when she was sleeping next to her siblings in a rented room in a hotel in Praia da Luz, in the south of Portugal. The parents of the little girl are being questioned for having left her alone in that room in order to go to eat with some friends. According to the director of the hotel, “every month registries of robberies in the area are kept, and we therefore advise the service of a child-minder”, but even knowing this, Maddie’s parents did not accept it. Batista confirmed in an interview with the website Globo.com that the hotel has been working from the start with the Police to find the little girl. The director added that the room used by the McCann family was closed the first two months, then was opened for 15 days, but was then closed once again. Also, the director of the resort pointed out that in the area there are “many inquisitive people, but they do not disrupt the routine of the place. “We did not bear the blame for the disappearance of the little girl, it couldn’t be said whose fault it was, but certainly not ours”, assured the director and indicated that “the parents of the girl that night were very unconcerned”, the reason they would not have requested the service of a child-minder.~
MY NOTE: niñera in Spanish means literally nursery maid, though I have used the term child-minder.
*********************************
Plus this from Diario de Noticias - 15 August article
- Title is “PJ believes McCs friends are the key”
- While waiting for the test results PJ continues to be active discreetly in the field, listening to conversations and observing people
- The investigation has “much information”. More evidence was collected from the apartment than in any other [similar] case
- PJ “already knows who is at the origin of M’s death”
- The key to the mystery lies with the friends who dined with the McCs that night
- New arguidos could be named from among people who are currenlty only witnesses in the case.
Everything else, much like the papers here is just re-hashing of old news.
August 15th, 2007 at 4:57 pm
In post 73 above Saddened quoted Occam’s Razor. When I was taught this many years ago it was phrased slightly differently:
“The explanation that relies on the fewest unverifiable assumptions is the one most likely to be correct.”
Here it clearly points to the explanation that the child woke up, went looking for her parents and was either abducted as a target of opportunity or fell down a hole. (Have the roadworks definitely been ruled out here??) No stalking, no break-in, no parental/friend involvement (other than neglect) and Murat no more likely to be guilty than anyone else in Praia da Luz that night - and a lot less likely now that he’s been thoroughly investigated.
However, this explanation relies on the assumption that the cadaver dog “hit” was either (1) a false positive, (2) someone else’s body, or (3) a complete fabrication by the media or the leaker. The police won’t help us with this:
“Mr Sousa refused to confirm or deny reports in Portuguese newspapers that the sniffer dogs had detected odours of a dead body that had been in the apartment.” (Source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6942198.stm)
So, in the spirit of wild speculation that this story has become, I offer the kernel of an alternative explanation that could explain many things. What if these cadaver dog reports were essentially correct but the leak upon which they were based was cleverly worded or just misunderstood by the leakee? What if the dog detected the odour of a body in AN apartment rather than THE apartment? Where might that take us?
Well, Occam likes doing away with assumptions and this would enable us to do away with both a highly implausible conspiracy of nine people and the bizarre notion that the parents could sit in a restaurant pretending to enjoy tapas knowing that their daughter was lying dead in their apartment.
Mindful of the libel laws I’ll leave the rest up to someone else. Like I said, I prefer the simple explanation…
August 15th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
I simply refuse to go anywhere..always thought I could outdo Columbo any day of the week!
The blood is interesting
If it is Madeleine’s, then obviously the McCanns and/or friends will come under serious scrutiny as possible suspects.
If it insn’t Madeleine’s (or parents/friends) then we are no further forward. The problem with this scenario is the pro-McCann machine will doubtless swing into delirious propoganda mode and declare this to be ‘proof’ of the parents innocence and condemn those disgraceful slurs on Saint Gerry and Kate…….
August 15th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Is it true that the Algrave area is a hotbed of paedophile activity? This is was a comment on a site. No real evidence. I guess the McCanns felt safe in a foreign country? I want to see justice for Madeleine. We all make mistakes. This was a big one.
August 15th, 2007 at 8:14 am
Everything is very quiet, both here and in Portugal - It looks as though everything is on hold waiting for the test results. Those are apparently due either tomorrow or Friday, although the date has been changed several times already so who knows?
The Portuguese police have stated that the test results will NOT be made public, but that they will resume their enquiries once they have been received. Presumably they will not let the McCanns know the details either, but will re-interview everyone with any knowledge entirely on the side of the PJ - which seems sensible to me.
So maybe this is the lull before the storm - it does seem almost eerily quiet.
Good luck with going cold turkey Collette - I tried it and failed miserably. It isn’t like me at all to get this involved in a news story, but I’ve given up questioning myself as to why now, and just accepted that I’m in for the long haul.