We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.
THE biggest fare dodger in railway history is Our Hero. Every work day for five years Our Hero travelled from his home in Stonegate to London’s Canon Street station. He worked out that if he swiped an Oyster card at Canon Street but not at Stonegate, East Sussex, the machine undercharged him.
Bright lad. His quick wits and low cunning saved him £42,000 in train fares.
TONIGHT, former teenage prostitute Zahia Dehar, 22 – famous for her alleged sexual warm-ups with French footballer Frank Ribéry at age 16, is Marie-Antoinette.
She’s not really the old decapitated Queen. She’s just the subject of a picture by Pierre Commoy and Gilles Blanchard, aka Pierre and Gilles. In the photos designed to look like a portrait. Dehar’s portrait is in a room is surrounded by Marie’s chairs. It sits above a marble mantelpiece from Versailles Chateau, Marie’s palace.
“THAT’S your beer sorted out,” said Kieran O’Sullivan, 48, to his sober 12-year-old daughter as they attempted to pay for alcohol at a Co-op supermarket in Worthing, West Sussex. We say attempted because the cashier heard the quip and banned Kieran from buying the booze.
Mr O’Sullivan is a teacher. He probably needs the drink. He tells the Argus:
“So there I am, this middle aged, middle income, average Joe, cracking an innocent joke to my entirely sober 12-year-old daughter when the cashier narrows her eyes and says, ‘I’ll have to see your ID, sir.’ I asked if she was kidding, but then she asked to see my daughter’s ID, which made me laugh.
“She said that by law, if you make a comment about purchasing alcohol for a child then they had to see both our IDs. I asked to speak to the manager but instead of using his judgement, he backed his employee up and said it was the law. I told them I was clearly not getting alcohol for my daughter and the law was all about judgement and about circumstances. But they refused.”
THE 1970s was a decade set ablaze with countless Jesus Freaks and Holy Rollers cranking out an untold number of gospel records. There seemed no end to the number of artists Bound for Glory and preaching the Good Word. What holds them all together is not only their brand of music, but also their total inability to produce an album cover that is not jarringly awkward. The hideous fashions, the frightening hair styles, the creepy vibes… each one is a tiny miracle of condensed tackiness and unease. Hallelujah!
I guess the glory of the Lord is so bright; four of the six bespectacled Farr boys had their lenses tinted. The top-center Farr is simply majestic – the mighty ‘fro helmet is a thing of heavenly beauty.
PAUL KEAVENY has news of Jean Booth, known to tabloid readers as “e-cigarette grandma Jean Booth”.
“Heavy-smoker” Jean was in Manchester’s Wythenshawe Hospital for a hip operation when the oxygen supply she was using to ease her breathing caught fire. He head and face were badly burnt. She is “fighting for life”.
Terrible. Did the e-Gigs ‘blow her up’?
Further down the story we get facts:
“…an investigation tried to discover whether an e-cigarette found near her was responsible for the blaze.”
A relative adds:
“Now Jean is a smoker, don’t get me wrong. She’s been in and out of hospital for the past two years but she has never ever attempted to light a cigarette in there. She has never done that.”
Smoking tobacco is terrible for your health, but it’s better than being blown up.
A Deadly Affair: Mayka Kukucova Claims Her Innocence In Andy Bush Killing As Maria Korotaeva Tells All
THE Sun leads with news of Maria Korotaeva, aka Masha, lover to Andrew Bush, the British jeweller found shot dead at his rented home on Spain’s Costa del Sol. His ex-lover Mayka Kukucova is accused of murdering him. Reports suggest she could be carrying his child.
On Sunday, Mr Bush’s daughter Ellie, 19, told The People about Mayka, recalling a family trip to Dubai:
“We were out shopping and there were loads of things Mayka wanted to buy but Andy said no. She went into a blind rage, screaming and threw a handbag at him. She did it to purposefully hurt him and then stormed off. We didn’t see her for a few hours, it was a common thing… She stamped all over his laptop, then put it underneath a tap and put it back in the case. When we got back to England he realised but he tried to ignore it. He thought he could change her.”
Mr Bush’s sister Rachel worked in the same Bristol shop as Kukucova. She told the paper:
“She wasn’t right in the head. It got to the stage where Andy had to ask her to find a new job because her anger became uncontrollable. She’d come into the shop and create these scenes in front of the staff.”
School Administrators Suspend Teachers For Teaching ‘Dangerous’ Science And Boy For Making Hydrogen Bomb At Home
IS there a fear of youth? The LA Times reports on the trials of science teacher Greg Schiller, now suspended because two of his students made projects that “appeared dangerous to administrators”. Rogan and Susan Ferguson say district officials confiscated their son Asa’s science fair project, “Evolution of a Coil Gun.”
One project used compressed air to propel a small object but it was not connected to a source of air pressure, so it could not have been fired. (In 2012, President Obama tried out a more powerful air-pressure device at a White House Science Fair that could launch a marshmallow 175 feet.)
Another project used the power from an AA battery to charge a tube surrounded by a coil. When the ninth-grader proposed it, Schiller told him to be more scientific, to construct and test different coils and to draw graphs and conduct additional analysis, said his parents, who also are Los Angeles teachers.
A school employee saw the air-pressure project and raised concerns about what looked to her like a weapon, according to the teachers union and supporters. Schiller, who said he never saw the completed projects except in photos, was summoned and sent home. Both projects were confiscated as “evidence,” said Susan Ferguson, whose son did the coil project.
This type of idiocy has form. In 2002, a middle school students at a Long Beach, California, school was overheard discussing his science fair project.
The student was planning on making the plastic hydrogen bomb as a science project. Because he said it was a bomb, he was suspended from school and the principle deemed his project to be an implied threat. The school even called the police to investigate the bomb and the student’s house was raided by the police. The police found nothing and attached a copy of the web site to the report.
The police letter was epic:
COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT INCIDENT REPORT
Suspicious Circumstances: Possible Posession of a Destructive Device
B. Allen, Employee #434180
I contacted [the principal] regarding a suspicious circumstances call, tag 627.
[The principal] said about one week ago she heard [the student] talking to a group of students at Hoover Middle School. [The principal] said she heard [the student] say he was building a bomb.
On 02-27-02 [the principal] approached [the student] and asked him if he was really building a bomb. [The student] told her that he was building a hydrogen bomb and his parents were buying the materials to make it for him.
[The principal] said [the student] never threatened to bring the bomb to school or harm anyone with it.
With the help of assisting units I responded to [the boy's address] and searched the residence for any explosive device and materials for its manufacturing (see attached consent to search form authorized by [the student's] father [father's name]).
We were unable to locate any explosive device or manufacturing materials.
I contacted [the student] and asked him if he remembered telling anyone he was making a hydrogen bomb.
[The student] said he did tell people he was making a hydrogen bomb. He said he was making a hydrogen bomb toy from scitoys.com. The toy squirts water out of a hole when it’s ignited via 9 volt battery.
[The student] printed out the details of the hydrogen bomb off scitoys.com. See attached 12 page printout.
After examining the scitoys.com printout I came to the conclusion the hydrogen bomb [the student] said he was making was in fact a toy.
Watch Commander, Lt. Stringham, notified of the above.
Who put the imbeciles in charge?
ON August 19, 1975, the third England v Australia Test at Headingley was abandoned following vandalism. A man who said he was a supporter of the George Davis campaign telephoned BBC radio London and claimed the group was responsible. Slogans were daubed outside the ground and the wicket was vandalised with a bit of digging and poured oil.
The Test was declared a draw robbing England of the chance to win back the Ashes and the trophy.
ANYBODY else think cycling gear has gone downhill since this Claud Butler Whitsun “rigout” was advertised in 1936?
NEWCASTLE United manager Alan Pardew is the inspiration for a fantastic back page from the Sunday Sun newspaper.
In response to pouting Pardew blaming the Press for the current hostilities toward him and his ailing team, Tyneside-based tabloid Sunday Sun has issued a full-page apology.
“Four defeats for Newcastle is going to bring its own pressure. I don’t think the local press have helped. Four defeats as a Newcastle manager, we have 10 senior players missing. It is a difficult hole to try to fill. Their frustration has boiled over a little bit. And we need to settle it down. The only way to settle it down is to get a win.”
If only there were someone in charge of the team who could help make a win a reality…
The local press still matters. Tell Pardew…
OUTAGE in Seattle, Washington, over the new ad for burger eatery Lunchbox Laboratory featuring the call to celebrate Easter with a weed-smoking Jesus. The ad tells readers:
“When I get back all I want is the Burger of the Gods.”
Jesus is holding a burger and a joint, with the 4/20 date highlighted in green.
Lunchbox Laboratory owner John Schmidt tells KIRO radio:
“We knew we were pushing it a little bit but at the same time that is kind of what our marketing is about.”
THE good people of Castrillo Matajudios , Spain, are to discuss changing the name of the town from “killing Jews” to the pre-Inquisition-era “Jews’ Hill”.
Diario de Burgos says Mayor Lorenzo Rodriguez thinks the time is ripe to change the town’s name to Castrillo Mota de Judios, which means “Castrillo Jews’ Hill.”
Know that in the north of Spain, the phrase “killing Jews” (matar Judios) has become a reference not to intense murderous persecution, rather downing glasses of lemonade spiked with alcohol at Easter.
On Good Friday, April 18, Leon will hold a “matar Judios” fiesta. Locals will chin 40,000 gallons of lemonade to the last drops – or until all the Jews have been eaten.
THE Evinrude Fishing Saucer concept boat designed by Brooks Stevens and made for the 1957 New York Boat Show.
PSST! Wannabe buy Dr Harold Shipman’s old medical examination couch? He was Britain’s most prolific serial killer, given 15 life sentences for the murders of as many as 215 patients.
Marjorie Chakravarti, 72, was a senior sister at the Abraham Ormerod Day Hospital, Todmorden where Shipman began his career as a GP and worked for seven years. She saw his old couch and bought it for £10.
I Was G-Man Jerry Cotton: When Hedy Lamarr Performed The First On-Screen Orgasm And Jane Powell Grew Up
SO. What does the music for a 1965 West German movie about a New York FBI agent sound like? That question to you, special agent Jerry Cotton, hero of Operation 100 Dollar Gang.
Cotton was played by US actor and all-round beefcake George Nader. You may know him from his 1958 melodrama The Female Animal, starring 1940s sex symbol Hedy Lamarr and actress-singer Jane Powell, pictured below taking advantage of the warm California winter to relax at pool side on Jan. 16, 1958.
VINA Pankhania is the acting headteacher at Little Hill Primary, in Wigston, Leics. She’s off on a four-week, unpaid trip to arrange her wedding. Vina will not be at school between April 28 and May 23.
The school was judged outstanding by Ofsted at its last inspection. So. She’s been doing a very good job.
THERE’S an interesting little tactic that Labour MPs are trying to use in the House of Commons these days. To ask questions about how much a department is spending on this or that and then when they get the answer they can chunter along about how poor widows are being thrown out of their homes over the bedroom tax so that Tory Ministers can spend £x on whatever it is they just asked about.
You know, Yah! Boo! The Tories and only Labour looks out for the working stiff.
This is a tactic that has just received some blowback as the answer given to the question, well, how much has Eric Pickles been spending on catering (given his size this would add another level of joy to the chuntering) was, well, a whole hell of a lot less than Labouir did when they were in power.
I’VE been saying for some time now that Bitcoin is a bubble. And we’re seeing the usual and classic bubble behaviour in its price too. It’s down to just under $400 today:
Bitcoin reached another milestone today, with the cryptocurrency falling below the $400 per-coin mark. Bitcoin sold for over $1,100 inside of the last 52 weeks.
What goes up like a rocket does usually come tumbling back down to Earth.
HOW do you report on Mayka Kukucova, the woman accused of murdering Andrew Bush at his home in Estepona, Spain? The Times begins its reports on the story:
The Slovakian swimwear model accused of killing the British millionaire Andrew Bush told a court in her homeland yesterday that she had fled Spain in fear of her life.
GARY Neville fan Keira Knightley was discussing her favourite places to eat in Hello! magazine. Knightley likes all sorts of food, stating: “I’m a real food addict.”
Can you be addicted to food?
The NHS describes addiction thus:
Addiction is a strong, uncontrollable need to take drugs, drink alcohol or carry out a particular activity such as gambling. It becomes the most important thing in your life and leads to problems at home, work and school.
MADELEINE McCann: The Star has news of another Maddie:
The Star’s sister paper, the Express, also had the story of the “Maddie lookalike taken from her bed”:
What news, then? The Star reports:
Maddie lookalike taken from family home in copycat snatch
POLICE were last night searching for a three-year-old girl snatched from her family home in a remote outback town.
THERE”S always a good time to be had touring through old computer books, especially if there’s lots to point at and laugh condescendingly. Technology has advanced so exponentially that a 1980s computer textbook may as well be ancient Sanskrit written on palm leaves. Suffice it to say, things have come a long way in just a short amount of time, and it’s a lot of fun to look back. So, let’s jump into Living With Computers by Patrick G. McKeown (1986).
“A complete computer system – user, software, CPU, internal memory, secondary storage, keyboard, monitor, and printer – is shown here.”