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Kim Kardashian’s pose for System magazine (see above) reveals how the porno-to-selfie star would would appear if she were buried in an earthquake and excavated hundreds of years from now, her skin and hair preserved by the unguents and lacquers of her age.
Future forensic scientists should note that the specimen can be reinvigorated with a sudden burst of flash photography and the cry: ‘Kim. Over ‘ere luv!”
The tableau you see was created by Mr Kim, aka Kanye West, who wanted to realise what her in doors would look like living in a cutaway ants’ nest whilst reassuring Travis Perkins and any number of quarries that Kim is available to endorse their products.
Don Lock, 79, was in a car on his way home from a cycle club meeting when, reportedly, he accidentally hit the back of a 34-year-old man’s classic car. The precise details of what happened are not yet fully known. But the result is that Mr Lock is dead, killed by multiple knife wounds.
The alleged killer drove off, leaving Mr Lock to die on the A24 in the village of Findon in West Sussex close to Worthing.
Witness George Lister tells the BBC:
“It must have been quite a ferocious attack in a couple of seconds, with the wounds that he had. Obviously, he [Mr Lock] was trying to protect himself. He was nearly 80 years of age, he wasn’t a big built man, just an average slightly overweight fellow. He was a human being, wasn’t he? Then the man who had done it ran off like a dog – he just couldn’t wait to get away.”
Dogs behave better.
Sussex Police have made an arrest.
Mr Lock if mourned by his wife Maureen, 77, children and grandchildren.
A tearful Maureen Lock told waiting reporters: “We were married for 55 years and it ends like this” as she was comforted by family members.
Alan Palmer, 70, club secretary of the Worthing Excelsior Cycling Club, told the Times:
“Don Lock was a kind gentle family man and a good friend. He was a key member of the Worthing Excelsior Cycling Club in fact, the backbone of the club for many years. He was always well respected through the cycling fraternity he was a member of the Worthing Excelsior Cycling Club for over 50 years and served the club well in many different roles… His death will be an irreplaceable loss to the club and our thoughts are with the family to whom the club will off their total support.”
Det Supt Adam Hibbert, of the Sussex and Surrey major crime branch, said:
“A man is in custody on suspicion of murder. I continue to appeal to anyone who witnessed the collision on the A24 at 8.40pm last night, or who may have CCTV or dashboard cameras of the area at that time, to come to assist our investigation.”
Police are not looking for anyone else in connection with the death of Mr Lock.
I Just Love My New Sewing Machine: I suppose it’s easy to make fun of these midcentury homemakers so ecstatic for their new appliances and cleaning equipment. But it was a different time. Where today an ironing board might not make the perfect gift for your wife; in 1950, it might have made her the happiest homemaker on the block. Let’s have a look at these Atomic Age wives and their shiny new homemaking equipment… Flashbak
Football Art: Messi, Ronaldo, Neymar Et Al Re-Imagined As Ye Olde Time Footballers (Photos): Lionel Messi grows a moustache and get the Brylcream contract – WhoAteAllThePies
Barack Obama defeats Iran: Obama has reached out and moved the debate on. Why bomb when you can talk? – Vox
Float: a new sitcom based in a new media agency – YouTube
80s-inspired short reveals Pluto’s secrets: Millivette Gonzalez, Tabia Lees and Valerie Sattazahn focused their senior project at Ringling College of Art and Design on the downgrading of Pluto, creating a retrospective homage to the often ignored planet – CreativeBloq
The Sun has a story hot of the presses: a schoolgirl has had a near-death experience with a crisp.
It is the story of “Tortilla Terror”.
Ashtmatic 14-year-old Beth Laybourn was at school in Scarborough, North Yorkshire, when she ate the hot one in a bag of Dorito’s Roulette.
“I started retching so I ran to the toilet and was sick. I had four mugs of milk and my throat still wouldn’t stop burning. I couldn’t breathe properly and I really thought I was going to die.”
“I love hot food, I love lamb bhunas — but this was the hottest thing I have ever had.”
Beth’s mum then delivers a kick to the health lobby who think all crisps should come with a heavy tax:
“I never thought it could be so dangerous to eat a crisp. I won’t ever let them do it again. This could happen to anyone’s child.”
No longer do kids have to worry about the fat content killing them years own the line – with these new crisps, apparently you could die at any moment, although no-one has.
But can a hot chili kill?
Bosland says that chili peppers (or as some call them, chile peppers) can indeed cause death — but most people’s bodies would falter long before they reached that point. “Theoretically, one could eat enough really hot chiles to kill you,” he says. “A research study in 1980 calculated that three pounds of extreme chilies in powder form — of something like the Bhut Jolokia — eaten all at once could kill a 150-pound person.”
That’s a lot of crisps…
Anyone still too shy to buy a dildo should know that Amazon offers shoppers a free vibrator with pairs of children’s sandals. You just have to select the right brand, which is not all that subtly called PRIMIGI.
Sophie Grantham, 36, didn’t know of the special offer until she took delivery of a pair of said sandals and spotted the five-inch purple Durex vibrator in the box.
Sophie, of Whiteley, Hampshire, explains:
“The parcel was vibrating so the postman made a comment about it maybe being a toothbrush. I was absolutely horrified to find there was this purple vibrator, loose and buzzing about in the shoebox. I don’t know what happened, but it’s not on.”
Cats, who wee in your coffee when you’re not looking (fact!), once more escape the laws. And dogs get it in the hind quarters.
Local mayor Paolo Dosi says the rules will mean dog-owners will be forced to to take a bottle of water with them whenever they walk their pets.
Jesus is famously a champion of budget seafood dining, turning two small fish into 5000 portions. Jesus was ever the shrewd Yiddisher boy working on margins.
But would he get the $26 bill?
No. Police were called.
Yates was arrested.
The bread accompaniment was complementary.
Media loves little more than talking about media. No surprise, then, that a letter in praise of the BBC signed by such entertainment bigwigs as JK Rowling and Chris Evans should ride high on the news cycle. But what did the Press make of it?
JK Rowling and Chris Evans have joined a host of A-list names to have signed an open letter to the prime minister calling on him to protect the BBC from cuts to its service
If your names on the list, you’re in. Imagine the upset as celebs not on the BBC register realise they rank below Adil Ray, Mark Rylance and Reggie Yates.
The full text of the letter:
The battle for the BBC
Dear prime minister,
We have seen that the government has pledged to modernise the licence fee, return funding that had been diverted to pay for broadband roll-out, and increase the licence fee in line with inflation in return for the BBC taking on the costs of licence fees for the over-75s.
The government and the BBC are now entering the charter review. We are writing to place on record at the very start of the process our concern that nothing should be done to diminish the BBC or turn it into a narrowly focused market-failure broadcaster.
In our view, a diminished BBC would simply mean a diminished Britain.
The BBC is a very precious institution. Like all organisations, it has its faults but it is overwhelmingly a creative force for good.
Britain’s creative economy is growing and enjoying unprecedented success. The BBC is at the heart of this as the global showcase for our creative industries. The BBC is trusted and loved at home by British audiences and is the envy of the world abroad.
During the course of the charter, we will continue to make the case for a strong BBC at the centre of British life and will be vocal in making the case for the BBC as it approaches its centenary.
Over in the Times, the story is how so many names got together to write a letter:
BBC organised celebrities’ protest letter
Well, of course someone must have. Sat in the BBC canteen, one of them must have kickstarted the project and drafted the thing. Given the lack of wow!, fist bumps and seagull droppings we’d says the root was either Schama or Adil Ray*, the latter chiefly because we don’t know who they are and they could only benefit from the exposure.
The Times says that’s wrong.
The letter was presented as an independent protest against plans to reform the BBC, but The Times can reveal that executives at the highest level helped to co-ordinate it while the corporation officially denied all knowledge.
Annie Nightingale, BBC Radio 1’s longest-serving presenter and one of the letter’s 29 signatories, said she had been invited to be a signatory by Ben Cooper, the controller of Radio 1. She had not seen the text of the letter before its publication.
And then this:
Mr Cohen is friends with two Hollywood stars who signed the letter, Daniel Craig and his wife, the actress Rachel Weisz. They attended his 2012 wedding, where Weisz was a bridesmaid. Neither the actors nor the BBC would comment on whether Mr Cohen had helped to persuade the couple to sign.
Is that a big deal? And, in any case, when Hollywood stars tell the unwashed how great the BBC is, does anyone listen? Yeah, weak politicians do, the ones who view the arts as mirrors to their own sensitive souls, shiny things to pick up and drop when an easy photo opportunity is needed.
But better than reading the grandstanding talent and listening for the politicos reactions are the readers comments papers chose to feature. The Guardian, which is pretty much the BBC’s in-house news sheet, heads its readers’ letters page:
Friends of the BBC will oppose the government’s vicious attacks
Tories, and their friends among the circling vultures of the commercial sector, assume that in doing popular programmes the BBC has been muscling in on natural commercial territory. But they are getting their history back-to-front. The BBC got there first – by several decades. It would be more accurate to say that commercial broadcasters have been muscling in on the BBC’s natural territory. Perhaps the government needs an expert panel to investigate whether they should be scaled back?
Professor David Hendy
University of Sussex
Compare and contrast that to the top reader comment in the Times, the paper owned by Rupert Murdoch, who also owns Sky TV:
What a sad reflection on the Beeb! They try to play dirty by organising their grubby little letter, then lack the testicular fortitude to admit their involvement.
The FOI request will get nowhere – emails inexplicably deleted, so sorry.
All the luvvie rats trying to save the ship how quaint, a few will go to the bottom. I must admit though the list of people who signed are actually talented there are some exceptions but not many..
I have a sickening feeling that the BBC problem will turn into another Greece. We all know it is wrong, however it will drag it on and on until the public get taken again.
* Ray created Citizen Khan, the dire – and I mean turd-stinking bad – BBC sitcom.
Transfer Balls: Manchester United are looking to sell Angel Di Maria.
The Times says Paris Saint-Germain will bid £45m for the Argentina winger who hates living in Manchester.
That’s far less than the British record £59.7 million fee United paid Real Madrid for Di Maria last summer.
Anorak would pay good money not to see TV ‘funnyman’ Michael McIntyre, the Johnny Boden of comedy. We take comfort from knowing that among McIntyre’s biggest fans are members of a police helicopter surveillance team who spotted him on a London street, took a photo and tweeted it.
Officers from the London branch of the Met’s National Police Air Service posted the photo on their @NPASLondon twitter account. The tweet invited readers to play detective:
“Whilst on tasking in central London this morning we spotted a certain energetic funny man … Can you guess who?”
Says the Met spokesman:
“This tweet does not as far as we know constitute a breach of data protection legislation. The tweet was deleted because of a negative response on Twitter.”
Superintendent Richard Watson, of the National Police Air Service adds:
“We are aware of the tweet and as far as we are aware it does not breach any data protection legislation.
“We feel however it was inappropriate and it has since been removed. We will be speaking to the person who posted the tweet.”
If Watson can ask the uniformed pigeons to keep an eye on BBC breakfast news presenter Bill Turnbull, ITV’s Fiona Phillips and footy pundit Robbie Savage, and let us know when they are not working and it is safe to watch the telly, we’d appreciate it…
Transfer Balls spots Nicolas Otamendi. The Sun says he’s threatened to go on strike at Valencia in a bid to “force through a mega-bucks move to Manchester United”.
Is Otamendi really desperate to play for Man United?
The Daily Express expands the market to both big Manchester clubs:
Nicolas Otamendi set to choose between Man Utd and City as agent flies in for crunch talks
You might suppose the agent is flying into Manchester. He isn’t. The agent is flying into Valencia.
Undercover sheriff’s deputies in Arizona arrested Pennsylvania man Michael Crawford, 68, on suspicion that he flew 2000 miles to have sex with a horse.
Police say Mr Crawford had advertised for a willing horse owner to let him ‘ride’ their beast. The Animal Crimes Investigations Unit spotted the ad and began to lay a honey trap.
The police conversed with Crawford. When he arrived in Phoenix, they took him to Tolleson, and showed him two ponies.
Crawford wonders why he was pinched when all he’d done was talk about sex with a horse. In any case, he’d been engaged in bestiality since 1970. And had any horse complained?
And so it came to pass that Raheem Sterling completed his move from Liverpool to Manchester City for a whopping £49m and £200,000 a week.
This one had threatened to run all summer, leaving media and fans talking more about the Sterling transfer story than actual football deep into August. Sky Sports would herald the new Premier League season with an M People powered montage of Sterling’s best transfer stories trailed by health warning on the perils of inhaling gas from party balloons.
But we can now enjoy the sense of freedom as Sterling moves to his dream club [insert name here]. As he held aloft a scarf in City colours, Sterling said:
“I’ve just had to learn to take it all in my stride. I never imagined I’d be at this point at the age I am now and breaking a transfer record fee. You don’t think about it when you’re a kid — but things have come really fast in the last couple of years. It’s a good feeling and a really happy time for me and my family.
“I’m just glad it’s all over and done with and I can’t wait to get on the training field.
“I’d also like to thank all the people around me — my mum and sisters, my management team, and Aidy Ward for helping me focus and get where I am today.”
Sterling’s protracted Anfield exit became increasingly acrimonious. But in the end he won. And his agent laughed all the way to the bank. Who needs laughing gas when you have loadsa money?
In 1938 George Weidenfeld arrived in the UK from Austria. 1938. The Times says the young Jew had “only a few shillings in his pocket”. But now he has grown rich from a publishing business, the former BBC man is repaying a debt:
Now aged 95, he is funding an organisation to rescue up to 2,000 Christian families from Syria and Iraq and resettle them elsewhere. In the first phase of Operation Safe Havens, one group of 150 Syrian Christians was flown to Warsaw on Friday to seek refuge in Poland.
Christians are being persecuted in the Middle East. In areas controlled by Islamic State they are being slaughtered.
Weidenfeld, a committed Zionist, is repaying those who showed him kindness:
He credits his survival to the generosity of members of the Plymouth Brethren, a Christian group, which took him in, fed and clothed him.
“I had a debt to repay,” said Lord Weidenfeld. “It applies to so many of the young people who were on the Kindertransports. It was Quakers and other Christian denominations who brought those children to England. It was a very high-minded operation and we Jews should also be thankful and do something for the endangered Christians.”
“Isis is unprecedented in its primitive savagery compared with the more sophisticated Nazis,” he said. “When it comes to pure lust for horror and sadism, they are unprecedented. There never was such scum as these people. My main concern is — and this is terribly important for me as a member of the generation that can look back to the time before World War Two — the lack of will to defend oneself; to get boots on the ground and to get rid of these people. The lack of desire to fight the enemy, to slay the dragon in his lair.
“I am appalled by the lack of action. The brave Kurds have shown in the battle for Kobani that you can defeat them. In a disunited world, the road is wide open for the terrorists.”
“I can’t save the world, but there is a very specific possibility on the Jewish and Christian side,” he said. “Let others do what they like for the Muslims.”
Everyone can do their bit for humanity.
“An SS man or a Gulag attendant justified their cruelty in the name of Hitler or Stalin. A jihadist thinks he has Allah in his pocket. It is very difficult to fight. It is cruel and international. It does not only affect the so called Arab Spring countries, but also Africa, Boston Massachusetts, the suburbs of London. It has to be fought very systematically. It must not be the subject of attenuating circumstances. They have to be seen as enemies of mankind and punished accordingly.”
You beat them by defeating their culture and championing your own.
The Sun is delighted, noting:
Sophia endured years of cruel taunts — “fatty”, “man-beast”, “whale” and even “big jugs” from a young age…
Good of the Sun to stuck up for people with less idealised builds. Sophia weighs 13st 7lb. We don’t know her height, but
But, then again, this is paper that thundered “Fatties cause global warming” and “CHILDREN are getting even fatter”; branded anti-Page 3 MP Clare Short “Short and fat“; mocked Manchester United’s Wayne Rooney for not having a six pack; calls football fans “fatso”; and taught readers how to get a “bikini body in 10 days”, allowing “Sun fitness expert” Nicki Waterman to teach readers to be “taller and slimmer”, with a “smaller bottom”.
How many of those cruel kids who mocked Sophia Adam’s “curves” read the Sun?
A woman in her 30s was masturbating with a sex toy when she drove her Mini into the back of a fish delivery van.
The van diver with M&J Seafood reviewed footage from the vehicle’s rear camera. He saw the woman clutching a Rampant Rabbit-style sex toy and doing up her trousers.
A source explains:
“A driver was called into the office and feared he was getting the sack. He’d been on his first shift after looking for work for ages. The bosses told him it wasn’t his fault and then said ‘Have you seen this?’. They all had a good laugh.”
Says the company, based in Cirencester, Gloucestershire: “The matter is now in the hands of our insurers.”
The story in Newsweek is headlined:
Healthy 24-year-old granted right to die in Belgium.
On what measure is a woman who wants to die healthy?
Doctors in Belgium are granting a 24-year-old woman who is suffering from depression but is otherwise healthy the right to die as she qualifies for euthanasia under the Belgian law, even though she does not have a terminal or life-threatening illness.
Aside from the poor mental health the woman is healthy. Or to ou it another way, apart from the crippling illness the patient is perfectly fine.
The 24-year-old woman, known simply as Laura, has been given the go-ahead by health professionals in Belgium to receive a lethal injection after spending both her childhood and adult life suffering from “suicidal thoughts”, she told local Belgian media.
Laura has been a patient of a psychiatric institution since the age of 21 and says she has previously tried to kill herself on several occasions. She told journalists: “Death feels to me not as a choice. If I had a choice, I would choose a bearable life, but I have done everything and that was unsuccessful.” The date of Laura’s death is yet to be decided.
Belgium passed a law to legalise euthanasia in 2002, the second country in the world to do so after the Netherlands. The law states that Belgian doctors can “help patients” to end their lives if they freely express a wish to die because they are suffering from intractable and unbearable pain.
Do we understand her suffering?
TV works in seasons. Summer means Celebrity Big Brother. And that means a visit to Blighty for Farah Arbaham, famous for a sex tape and all the things that go with it: rehab, regret, ‘Made in Hollywood’ jugs and a rubber mould modelled on her primary sexual characteristics avilable to anyone in need of a novelty washing up glove or moneybox as Full-On Farrah Vibrating Pussy and Ass.
But things didn’t quite go to plan for Farrah. The chance to stick your penis or head inside a fake rubby anus shaped like hers (with ‘love tunnels’ heated to a ‘lifelike’ temperatute buy two ‘warming wands’) was not her ticket to fortune.
In January told InTouch where she says the release of her sex tape was a huge mistake and if she could take it back, she would.
“It made it hard to have friends and a private life and to trust family, who I feel use me for money. If I went back in time, I would not have done it. The sex tape ruined my life.”
Despite warnings from family who feared selling the X-rated tape would send a terrible message to her 4-year-old daughter, Sophia, Farrah did it anyway — and says she quickly realized it was a bad idea. “Knowing my sex tape was out there for everyone in the world to see … was overwhelming,” she says. “I wanted to hide my face and not go out or pick up my phone.”
One other reason it was bad idea was that those porn tapes don’t pay as well as the marketing states. The headline story was that sex movies are so rare that Farrah’s backdoor romp earned her $1.5 million. FOX411 said Abraham actually earned around $10,000.
Farrah is now much changed:
“Therapy helped me understand I can’t continue experiencing life [the way I had been], that I’m more special than sex tapes. Hearing others tell me my worth is [all based on] my body. … I’m stronger than that.”
Or as the Sun puts it:
The former star of MTV shows Teen Mom and Sixteen and Pregnant has cashed in once again thanks to CBB bosses, who hope she’ll make the series more X-rated than ever.
F0or a fee, she might…
According to the Met Office, 1 July 2015 was the “warmest July day since records began”. The record was set at Heathrow Airport “when the temperature reached 36.7 °C at 3.13pm. The previous highest July temperature was 36.5 °C on 19 July 2006 in Wisley, Surrey.”
Hot, then. But was it really a record?
Mark McCarthy, Manager of the Met Office National Climate Information Centre discusses records and how we record them.
1 July 2015 has the honour of holding the highest recorded temperature for a July day with 36.7 °C at Heathrow.
What do we know about Heathrow?
On 1 July the maximum temperature recorded at Heathrow (36.7 °C) was higher than Kew (35.7 °C).
The policeman caught having sex with a PCSO in Manchester toilet has not been sacked. This is because the coppers were caught shagging in the offices of Greater Manchester Police in Newton Heath.
Being sacked or not being sacked for having sex whilst policing depends on who sees you.
A police sergeant spotted having sex in public while on duty has been sacked from the Devon and Cornwall force.
The officer was dismissed without notice, the force said, after an internal hearing found his behaviour amounted to gross misconduct.
If fellow police officers catch you shagging on the job, you remain on the force; if the public see you, you’re sacked. Got it?
A police officer has been sacked for twice having sex while on duty with a man he met via a gay social media site. Pc Anthony Taylor, 30, was in full uniform when he met the man in Manchester.
Assistant chief constable Dawn Copley said: “Pc Taylor’s actions could have put the public in danger and put undue pressure on his colleagues. GMP and the public rightly expect a high standard of professional behaviour from both officers and employees. Taylor’s conduct while on duty unfortunately fell well below that standard.”
If you want to get away with it, shag another copper.
It’s 7:22pm on July 2. A person has ordered a pizza. They call the police. They say a neighbour has taken their pizza. Police discover the neighbour has also ordered a pizza.
It’s 8:03pm on July 2: Neighbour wrongly accused of pizza theft reports being upset.
Compare and contrast the newspapers “exclusives” on former teacher Jeremy Forrest, 33, as he is released from prison. Forrest was imprisoned for five-and-a-half years after running away with his 15-year-old pupil to France.
The Daily Mail:
Such are the facts…
Transfer balls: Manchester United have joined Liverpool in the hunt United move for Aston Villa’s Christian Benteke. Well, so says one newspaper.
The Sun shouts that “CHRISTIAN BENTEKE is next on Louis van Gaal’s hitlist” because “Manchester United’s boss has made signing a top striker a priority.
Is Benteke a top striker?
The Birmingham Mail announces:
Stats that reveal why losing Christian Benteke would not be the end of the world
So why do Man United want him if, as the Brum Mail says, Charlie Austin’s the better player?
In any case, the Guardian told us on July 6 that Liverpool had agreed to sign Benteke:
So expect all hell to break loose this week as Christian Benteke, with his £32.5m release clause dynamically, explosively and apocalyptically triggered by Liverpool, leaves Aston Villa for a journey of mind and body under Brendan Rodgers, who will apparently make the Belgian his seventh summer signing.
The Daily Express agreed:
But they were pipped to the news by TalkSport’s man in the know, who stated on July 1:
“I expect him to sign if not today then certainly in the not too distant future. Liverpool have done their work and have sealed a deal [with Aston Villa].”
But on July 4, the Mail said Liverpool had not triggered Benteke’s £32.5million buy-out clause.
Benteke remains of interest but there has been no dialogue with Villa or bid and that is likely to remain the case unless the Midlands club show a willingness to reduce their valuation.
And, apparently, now Manchester United want the Belgian. Liverpool had best find the money to secure the player or risk losing him to their big rivals. Well, so says the Sun in a story with not a single source. Wonder what Benteke’s agent makes of it all?
No words from Benteke. But Man United and Liverpool fans might care to know what he said before:
“I’m not afraid of making enemies at Villa by saying I love Arsenal… When I joined Villa I didn’t know where they played. I thought they were a London club!”
Such are the facts…
Transfer Balls: It’s been a busy few weeks of doing nothing for Aston Villa’s Fabian Villa Delph.
July 10, Daily Mail: “Aston Villa captain Fabian Delph set to complete £8m transfer to Manchester City”
The Mail says that in the “next 24 hours”, Delph will be a Manchester City player.
July 10, The Daily Mirror:
The Mirror says Delph is on his way to Man City. But those 24 hours are now 48 hours.
July 11, The Sun: “FABIAN DELPH has dramatically snubbed an £8million move to Manchester City.”
England midfielder Delph said: “I want to set the record straight, I’m not leaving. I’m staying at the football club and I can’t wait for the start of the season and captaining this great football club.”
Such are the facts…