We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.
IN 1968, a 21-year-old Joanna Lumley told us about her keep-fit regime. “I’ve never been a skinny bird” – not like Twiggy – says Lumley. The “Duffy” she references is Brian Duffy, the “short, fat heterosexual” photographer of what came to be known as Swinging Sixties.
ARE you a creationist? Matt Stopera at Buzzfeed invited creationists at a debate between Bill Nye ‘The Science Guy‘ and Creation Museum founder Ken Ham to write questions for those who believe in evolution. They would then pose for the cameras behind their questions. Answers were soon on their way.
No-one changes their views in these debates. They are all about shoring up your own prejudices. With the fish in the barrel, Beth Spencer of Lawyers, Guns, and Money aimed her harpoon:
Q: What mechanism has science discovered that evidences an increase of genetic information seen in any genetic mutation or evolutionary process?
Q: If we come from monkeys then why are there still monkeys?
Spencer: Because all this poo isn’t going to fling itself and creationists tire easily.
Q: Why do evolutionists/secularists/humanists/non-god-believing people reject the idea of their [sic] being a creator god but embrace the concept of intelligent design from aliens or other extra-terrestrial sources?
Spencer: They don’t. Next question.
Q: How can you look at the world and not believe someone created/thought of it? It’s amazing!
Spencer: No, perky lady, the word you’re looking for is “amazeballs.” Please re-write your sign.
Q: How do you explain the sunset if their [sic] is no god?
Spencer: If you get to credit god with sunsets, can I finally get everybody to admit that Satan created the raisin? I look at raisins and I am certain THERE IS NO GOD.
Q: Are you scared of a Divine Creator?
Spencer: Yes. John Waters is terrifying.
And a few you missed. ANd - no – they are not actors in parody nor agents booked by evolutionist to make creationist look mentally negligible:
Spotter: Martin Schneider
JIHADIS are using social media to recruit British fighters. Hear the call to arms for Syria’s ISIS and their subgroup the Muhajireen Brigade:
“Brothers, what are you waiting for? There are plenty of weapons here waiting for you to play with, plenty of food and plenty of women waiting to get married.”
The jihadi duly poses with the promised sweetmeats, proving that he is true to his word. Can any anyone doubt the quality of the brides when you see the ASDA Smartprice Strawberry Flavoured Cranberry Muesli Bars and chicken and mushroom Pot Noodle?
It wall-to-wall birds, bars and instant meals. It’s like backpacking in Rhodes with a modified paintball gun and your grandpa’s’s hat
And that’s not all.
“we got Internet, phones, cheese burgers lol pizza, markets, schools for children, classes for adults, shariah courts and all sorts!”
IN 1942, fights fans surrounded the ring to see the toddlers slugs it out. If the Hun made land, Dads’ Army in Annapolis, Maryland, would need reinforcements. The Baby Boxers will fight the bitter end – or nap time, at least.
First on the card, Basher Bill and Tornado Tim, two 3-year-olds.
Tim takes one in the eye. Boy, that sure smarts. Seconds out for round two and the Tornado has lost his legs and his moniker – he’s now the “Midget”. Finally, he’s the “Quitter”, crawling back to his corner like a sorry drunkard to his past-caring wife.
The poor wretch.
IS there anything better than a mid-century men’s action magazine? They were chock full of lurid stories and provocative artwork depicting female biker gangs, nympho pirates, Gestapo dominatrices, etc. If it fulfilled a macho fantasy, it was fair game, and the headlines beckoned men to go along for the ride. Here are ten worthy examples.
THE MAN WHO TOUCHED OFF PHILADELPHIA’S GREAT BOSOM RIOT
Male, Sept. 1959
I’m a mild mannered, peaceful kind of guy – not much into protests and insurrection. That being said, a “bosom riot” is something I could get behind.
OF course, The Fab Four’s time in America is very well documented. No-one needs to know more about the whole Bigger Than Jesus thing and George Harrison’s ‘spotty youths’ comment when he visited the hippies on the West Coast.
However, less well documented are the mop-top knock-offs that The Beatles created. Garage bands and frat beat groups sprung up all over America after the mop tops played Ed Sullivan.
So, here’s 10 of the best American Beatle Bands or Fab Four rip-off records… and by the way, being a Beatle rip-off band is no bad thing at all! Feel free to chime in with your own!
1. The Byrds
The Byrds hit the jackpot when they took Dylan’s folk music and turned it into a Beatle beat. Perfect for the US market – homegrown lads (not like those British Invasion swine!) making Dylan’s nasal drawl more palatable. ‘Feel A Whole Lot Better’ is the choice here, but in fairness, it could’ve been picked from two dozen songs!
ALFRED Hitchcock once remarked that every person understands fear, because everyone was once a child. “After all,” he declared, “weren’t we all afraid as children?”.
According to the authors of Monsters under the Bed and Other Childhood Fears (Random House; 1993, page 1), “childhood is a time of many fears” and children between the ages of six and twelve “experience an average of seven different fears.”
THE Russian man who told me about the police who burned him with cigarettes, broke his phone and extorted money wasn’t poor. That’s why he was telling me in the hipster comfort of an East London drinking den, the temporary home of the Silicon Drinkabout tech networking event. He wasn’t poor. That’s why, he said, his family could make the leap from Moscow to the Czech Republic. That’s why he’s now a Czech citizen, able to live and work in the UK and free from the village where the police sold meth and ignored a dead man on the stairs of his apartment block.
PIERS Eady has a Madeleine McCann scoop in the Daily Mirror:
Madeleine McCann: Cops probing claims a kidnapper tried to snatch another British tot from holiday flat in Portugal
A British tot! Like the missing child… Go on…
A mum has told Scotland Yard how she chased an intruder away from her Algarve apartment after she found him heading towards her child’s cot
Buzz me, Huff me, make me up Worthy
What to learn from Tumblr, Buzzfeed, HuffPo and Upworthy…yes, really
Which media organisations have mastered making the web jump to their own sick tunes? Buzzfeed and The Daily Mail. The rest of the media runs like pissed wolves behind these lean beasts. The Daily Mail turns its enemies into obsessive readers. Even the most dyed-in-the-wool of liberal mung bean-munching Guardian readers find themselves stumbling over to the “Sidebar of Shame” to read about a revolving cast of celebrities about whom the Mail writes bizarrely detailed dispatches.
Read The Document That Caused A British Magistrates’ Court To Demand Mormon Church Prove Adam And Eve Were Real
THIS is incredible. The Telegraph reports on a criminal case that is utterly nuts. The head of the Mormon Church movement is being summoned to prove the religion is based on facts that can be proven by science. If he can’t prove it’s based on facts, then it’s a lie. Anyone donating money to his religion is a victim of fraud. He is a criminal. That’s the thinking.
But why pick on the Mormons and their books? Why not pick part the Koran, the Talmud, the Bible or any other religious tract? Is this a test case. Mormons are less likely than others to kick up a stink and bomb your house. Start with them and move on. Maybe one day even Scientologists will be ask to prove it.
The Telegraph sums up the matter:
A British magistrate has issued an extraordinary summons to the worldwide leader of the Mormon church alleging that its teachings about mankind amount to fraud. Thomas S. Monson, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has been ordered to appear at Westminster Magistrates’ Court in London next month to defend the church’s doctrines including beliefs about Adam and Eve and Native Americans.
MY MOST BELOVED possessions in the 1970s were my T-shirts. They were my identity. My Kiss concert shirt was proof that I’d witnessed the greatest show on earth. My Pete Rose shirt was proof of my allegiance to the Big Red Machine (the Cincinnati Reds). My Mork & Mindy shirt was proof that… well, I guess that I was a complete and total nerd.
AH, the police. They like filming us but what when we film them? Fresh from the Mark Duggan stop and search killing (all stop; little search) and the Andrew Mitchell farce, the police are filmed arresting a man for being Non-Compliant Whilst Walking.
This incident was taped at the anti-fracking protest on Barton Moss Road, Irlam, Salford on 14/1/14. The man with the camera is Dr Steven Peers, an Electronic Engineer. On Linked In we learn that his interests are “Electronics, Jiu Jitsu, Aquaponics”.
The officer telling Peers he can smell booze on his breath is Sgt David Kehoe.
There are a few moments in his tape that stand out:
* The man with the camera does say he has had a couple of drinks. But says they were tea.
* The officer moves another man on, implying that “mithering”an officer is an offence.
* The second officer addressing Peers says police have seen the man driving. And that is key. The police can detain you if they saw you driving and then suspect you of having had had a drink before or during that journey. Did the first officer see him driving? He seems to know the man, calling him Steven and asking him if he arrived in his blue Mercedes. But did this officer actually see him driving his car? He has to have done so in order to demand a breath test.
Dr Peers says he had not arrived at ‘Camp Barton’ in his car because he had stayed there the night before. So. Did the officer see him drive up?
This Testament saved the live of Pte W. Hackett 1st Wor Regiment at Armentieres. Aug-20-1915 – Now In 2nd Gen Eastern Hospital Dyke Road Brighton. Bullet passing through outer cover and all the leaves and stopped on the last page.
VINTAGE sexist advert presents Balls.
Who says women don’t have balls?
INTRODUCING BALLS – the candy to give you courage
In 1978, women has BALLS by the barrel load.
There was a time when it took a heavy dose of spunk for a woman stand up and be counter. Joan of Arc hid her gams in a suit of armour to defend Louis’s honour. Amelia Earhart donned a sexless jumpsuit to fly into the wild blue yonder. Madame Curie wore whites and gazed longingly at test-tubes.
These days, women have finally come into their own – with pants and permanents, muscles and makeup. But there still are a couple of things we can’t lay claim to right?
THANKS to the Bexley News Shopper’s Khaleda Rahman we have a new unit of measurement; baby giraffes.
A MASSIVE crater the size of a baby giraffe in a Bexleyheath road has revealed only an inch or so of tarmac is supporting the street to the horror of residents.
THEY had one job. Just write a single sentence about a movie. It’s not quantum physics. After millions of dollars spent and many months of filming and editing, it comes down to the humble tagline writer to simply scrawl a few words together. Alas, this task is often too much to bear, and a movie poster is forever besmirched by a woefully inadequate blurb which undercuts all the hard work. Perhaps it’s not so easy to condense an entire film into a few words; whatever the case, here are a few examples where tag lines fail.
Loose Shoes (1980)
There won’t be a dry seat in the house.
Three Hats For Lisa: Swinging London And Sid James Gives The Greatest Musical Performance In Cinema History
IS this the greatest musical performance in cinema history?
Joe Brown, French-born Sophie Hardy (who played the eponymous Lisa Milan), Sid James, Una Stubbs and Dave Nelson hit the big screen – in colour – with the 1964 release of Three Hats For Lisa.
YouTuber RetrunerMan reveals the plot:
It’s a Swinging London romp as Joe (Johnnie) tties to help Lisa Milan, played by Sophie Hardy, to find three typically British hats for her collection. Probably not too difficult, only she wants to steal them instead of buy them. Oh, and one is a coppers helmet!
Brendan O’Connor Scores The First Interview With Pussy Riot ‘Girls’ And Then Makes A Complete Hash Of It
AFTER the furore caused by their incarceration, Pussy Riot are free to travel and to talk. Irish talkshow host Brendan O’Connor has the scoop. To him the first interview with Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and Maria Alyokhina.
BETWEEN 1976 and 1984, Woody Allen was the 2D star of Stuart Hample’s comic strip Inside Woody Allen.
WHATEVER happened to… Ryan Paris, the singer born Fabio Roscioli in Rome who gave full throat to the 1983 smash hit single, Dolce Vita?
Before creep shots, there was this video of women walking about minding their own business. Ryan Paris was the embodiment of the City of Love:
THE one thing that unifies pretty much everyone of a certain age is a healthy curiosity of Sienfeld. If you watched it when it was new, at the time, it was incredibly confusing. No-one really knew what was going on, what it was about or why it was there. But we loved it all the same.
And now, it is all set to come back and it’ll probably make no sense in 2014 either.
YILMAZ, 26, is one face of the Syrian rebellion. When he’s not asking for M&Ms, Yilmaz is training jihadis, many of whom have never fired a gun. Dressed in his modified Dutch Army uniform, Yilmaz was spotted by Roozbeh Kaboly, foreign editor of the Dutch National TV program Nieuwsuur (NewsHour).
FLASHBACK to 02/11/1957: The McCormick Skiffle Group were, from left to right, Billy McCormick, Frank Healy, Wesley McCausland, Edward McSherry, and James McCartney.