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News | Anorak - Part 4

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We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.

Transfer Balls: Aston Villa’s Fabian Delph signs for Manchester City in a matter of ‘hours’

Transfer Balls: It’s been a busy few weeks of doing nothing for Aston Villa’s Fabian Villa Delph.

July 10, Daily Mail: “Aston Villa captain Fabian Delph set to complete £8m transfer to Manchester City”

The Mail says that in the “next 24 hours”, Delph will be a Manchester City player.

 

delph agrees aston villa

 

July 10, The Daily Mirror:

The Mirror says Delph is on his way to Man City. But those 24 hours are now 48 hours.

 

Screen shot 2015-07-11 at 21.37.41
July 11, The Sun: “FABIAN DELPH has dramatically snubbed an £8million move to Manchester City.”

England midfielder Delph said: “I want to set the record straight, I’m not leaving. I’m staying at the football club and I can’t wait for the start of the season and captaining this great football club.”

Delph stays!

Such are the facts…

 

Posted: 11th, July 2015 | In: Manchester City, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Donald Trump in bloviate Twitter exchange with Modern Family writer Danny Zuker

donald trump twitter

 

On twitter, Donald Trump spent a portion of his valuable time tweeting Modern Family writer Danny Zuker. Trump seems possessed of all the self-awareness of a dog stood by a pile of poo.

 

 

sirdanny zuker, donald trumpsir 1 sir 2 donald trump zuker sir 4 sir 5 sir 6 sir 7

sir 8 sir 9 trump zuker sir 11 donald trump zuker china

 

 

Spotter: Alternet

Posted: 11th, July 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Ex-teacher Brianne Altice sentenced to prison for sex with three teenagers

Brianne AlticeFormer Utah teacher Brianne Altice has been sentenced for having sex with three teen boys.

“I am human, and I messed up during a very vulnerable time in my life,” a wet-eyed Altice told the court. “If I could, I would personally apologize to each individual that has been affected by this. Grief fills my heart for all involved.”

Deputy Davis County Attorney Cristina Ortega was unimpressed:

“I think it’s very inappropriate the fact that society, for some reason, says, ‘They’re boys. They’re men. This would be any kids’ fantasy,’ ” she said. “It’s not. This is real life. This isn’t something that should be commended somehow.”

Ortega told the judge that Altice should have drawn the line and reported any inappropriate comments the teens made toward her.

“For them, they are young, and they were flirting with their teacher,” she said. “Then it changed because of her… She’s the teacher. She’s the adult… She upped the ante [to] no longer flirting, but sexual contact, with all three students.”

What sayeth the defence?

Altice’s attorney, Edward Brass, told the judge that the inappropriate relationships stemmed from a bad marriage and his client’s issues with self-esteem. He asked for jail time and probation for the woman, saying, she is “troubled” and “has problems with viewing her own worth.”

“She blurred the lines between being a teacher and a friend,” Brass said, adding that Altice also encouraged many young people in a positive way at the school.

Judge Thomas Kay had heard enough:

“I have to say to society, when a female or a male teacher does this to children, this is going to happen,” noting that he has always ordered prison time for teachers convicted of having sexual relations with a student.

That has has to say it is odd.

Maybe now female teachers will be treated with the same suspicison as male teachers?

Spotter: New York Daily News

Posted: 10th, July 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Edinson Cavani’s anus is immortalised as a door bell

cavani-doorbell-poke1
Chile’s semi-final victory over Uruguay in the quarter-finals of the Copa America featured Gonzalo Jara sticking a signer into Edison Cavani’s backside.

Uruguay’s Cavani reacted by slapping Jara across the face – an act that earned up a second yellow card.

But now you can relive the incident with this delightful doorbell.

Proctologists may prefer to knock.

Spotter: @ReaccionFut

Posted: 10th, July 2015 | In: News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


End of days: man buys two puppies that grow into bears

Will sh*t on sticks in the woods

Will sh*t on sticks in the woods

Back in 2013, Wang Kaiyu, of Yunan, China, bought male and female puppies- one of each. Theyw er so cure. And then they grew. Big. In 2015, Kaiyu relaised that his two dogs had mutated into bears:

It wasn’t until Wang saw a pamphlet about endangered wild animals that he realized he had raised two Asian black bears, a Category 2 protected species, by accident. He decided to give the cubs up to the Forest Public Security Bureau in the hopes that they would be able to re-home them.

The cubs now live Yunnan Wild Rescue Center.

Kaiyu’s new dog is green, likes to wallow in the bath tub and get get snappy…

Posted: 10th, July 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Descendants of leading ‘Nazis’ unite to earn money from Joseph Goebbels’ diaries

7th November 1935:  German Nazi politician and minister of propaganda Paul Joseph Goebbels (1897 - 1945) with his wife and children.  (Photo by Fox Photos/Getty Images)

7th November 1935: German Nazi politician and minister of propaganda Paul Joseph Goebbels (1897 – 1945) with his wife and children. (Photo by Fox Photos/Getty Images)

 

Copyright Balls: The family of Nazi spin doctor Joseph Goebbels earn royalties from extracts of his diaries published in a new biography by Peter Longerich.

Longerich writes:

“Goebbels repeatedly seized the initiative to play a pioneering role in Nazi ‘Jewish policy’: in 1933 at the time of the Jewish ‘boycott’, in 1935 with the Kurfürstendamm riots, in 1938 when in the summer he tried to unleash a pogrom and a few months later when he played an active role in the Nov­ember pogrom, and finally during the war with his continuing efforts to make Berlin ‘free of Jews’.”

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Posted: 10th, July 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Battle Of Britain in colour photographs

circa 1940:  A heap of rubble and the shell of a house in the Temple area of London, after a World War II German bombing raid.  (Photo by Frank J. Galloon/Topical Press Agency/Getty Images)

circa 1940: A heap of rubble and the shell of a house in the Temple area of London, after a World War II German bombing raid. (Photo by Frank J. Galloon/Topical Press Agency/Getty Images)

 

In the summer of 1940, Germany attacked Britain from the air. The aim was to smash the RAF in readiness for invasion. Had the Germans have won, well, many of us would not be alive today.

The Battle Of Britain In Rare Color Photos

Posted: 10th, July 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Man who washed out swearing, homophobic boy’s mouth with soap sentenced

soap mouth boy“The injured party was playing in the park which is close to his home address,” says Prosecutor Glenda Beck at Sunderland Magistrates’ Court. “The defendant approached him and there was an exchange of words.”

A witness says the injured party, Alfi Forsyth, 6, had called Mr Jospeh Birtwell, 23, “gay boy”.

“Ryan is walking along the road minding his own business. He is a young man who is very affable,” adds Jason Smith for the defence.

“He sees the boy run across to an old gentleman with a stick and tries to kick the stick away. He remonstrates with him to which the boy, who the police, I have to say, accept that he is slightly out of control and perhaps not the best of young individuals, says to Ryan ‘f*ck off’. Ryan says to him to stop swearing and when he doesn’t he says back ‘stop swearing or I will wash your mouth with soap,’something that used to happen in the good old days.”

“The defendant went to a shop and returned with a bar of soap,” Beck continues. “He pinned the injured party down to the floor and pushed the bar of soap into his mouth.”

Birtwell, of Washington, admitted assault and was given a 12-month conditional discharge. He was also ordered to pay £85 court costs and a £15 victim surcharge.

The final word is with the boys’ mother, who ofers: “I admit that my son swore and he got wrong for that, but like I said to the police at the time, kids do that kind of thing. At the end of the day, he is a 23-year-old bloke who has assaulted a six-year-old. The sentence is a joke.”

The age of the old man with the stick is not given.

 

Posted: 10th, July 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Karen Danczuk: the topless selfie photo that ‘seduced a salesman’

karen danczuk eating topless Keeping Up With the Danczuks, episode 4: “Karen posed in sexy undies on marital bed.” Come closer. The Sun has news from Danczuk bedroom:

Karen Danczuk cheated on her MP husband with a salesman — whose heart she won by sending a topless selfie… she posed for him in sexy underwear on her marital bed while Labour backbencher Simon was away on parliamentary business.

Karen says she’s never cheated on Simon Danczuk. But Sun readers hear a “source” tell them:

“Karen told this fella she was madly in love and he fell for her big time… She said she didn’t love Simon… Everyone knows Karen is famous for her selfies but she’s never done a topless one — so you can imagine how this bloke felt when she whipped off her bra just for him! It’s a bit of a collector’s item.”

The bra or or the tweet? Can you collect tweets? And isn’t collecting bras a little, you know, creepy?

Yesterday when The Sun invited Karen to discuss the fling, she said simply: “Let me have a think about it.”

Topless pohoto of Simon Danczuk have yet to surface.

 

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Posted: 10th, July 2015 | In: Celebrities, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Mario Testino’s photos of Kate and William at Princess Charlotte’s christening come with a health warning

KING'S LYNN, ENGLAND - JULY 05: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY)   In this handout image supplied by Mario Testino/ Art Partner,  Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and their children Princess Charlotte of Cambridge and Prince George of Cambridge pose for a photo after the christening of Princess Charlotte of Cambridge at the Sandringham Estate on July 5, 2015 in King's Lynn, England. (Photo by Mario Testino/ Art Partner via Getty Images)  ***Terms of release, which must be included and passed-on to anyone to whom this image is supplied: USE AFTER 10/10/2015 must be cleared by Art Partner. This photograph is for editorial use only. NO commercial use. NO use in calendars, books or supplements. Use on a cover, or for any other purpose, will require approval from Art Partner and the Kensington Palace Press Office. There is no charge for the supply, release or publication of this official photograph. This photograph must not be digitally enhanced, manipulated or modified and must be used substantially uncropped. Picture must be credited: copyright Mario Testino /Art Partner.***

 

What do we think of Mario Testino’s photos of Kate and William in his Princess Charlotte’s christening portrait? Get a load of those big smiles. It’s typical celebrity stuff.

But Jonthan Jones can’t stand it:

 After all, they have plenty to smile about – the free houses, the free money, the free adulation, the fact there’s no chance of their kids ever having to worry about student loans, tax credits or the minimum wage.

But like his bosses at the Guardian, then.

All smiles all the way. But Testino, the world’s most horrible flatterer of wealth and status, makes every smile look phoney. He makes reality itself seem a glib and cynical charade.

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Posted: 10th, July 2015 | In: News, Royal Family | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The best-timed photograph of a frog you will ever see

frog jump photo

 

Wisconsin’s A Regular Tom Sawyer took this great picgture of a frog leaping from a hand.

Previously in fast-moving frogs:

giphy

Spotter: Reddit

Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Gamer nut drugs girlfriend so he can keep playing video games

To Germany, where  the Local reports on the a 23-year-old man in the eastern German town who drugged his girlfriend so he could keep playing video games. He tells a court that his live-in lover had returned home after an 10-hour shift at work. She wanted peace and quiet and asked him to stop playing video games. So. He drugged her. He tells a court:

“I only put four or five drops into her tea.”

But when dhe headed to work the next day, the drugs were still working:

“I got up and drove to work although I was nodding off again and again.”

The judge fines the gamer €500 and tells him:

“Your girlfriend slept long and deeply, which didn’t harm her, but this is certainly a premeditated bodily harm.”

The felon is contrite:

“It was stupid, but now I’m on a straight path.”

 

Adding: “But the massive speeding hedgehog keeps attacking me.”

Spotter: News.com.au

Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Randy youths get drunk and fight on the beach in Troon Ayreshire: photos

The story of youthful high-jinx in Ayrehire is shocking readers.

The Daily Mirror: “Horde of 5,500 ‘drunk and fornicating’ teens drive shocked families from sun-kissed beach”

Fights broke out on the packed sands of Troon, Ayrshire, while Class A drugs were seized, and families were forced to watch on in horror at youngsters’ activities

Drugs. Tick. Fights. Tick. It’s like the 1960s all over again. But what’s this about families being “forced to watch on in horror at youngsters fornicating in bushes”.

How were the familes forced to watch rutting teenagers?

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Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Goddard Inquiry Day 1: therapy for society and Her Majesty’s lawyers coin it in

goddard sex buse inquiry

 

DAY 1: The inquiry into child sex abuse is go. Lowell Goddard has opened the hearing. We’ll be keeping track of the reporting – and of the number of dead people being dug up and beaten with sticks.

The Guardian:

Justice Lowell Goddard’s child sex abuse inquiry will name individuals and organisations it concludes were involved in abuse, and pass on allegations for police to investigate.Victims cannot choose to give evidence in the public hearings. The choice of witnesses will be made by the inquiry. No victim or survivor will be compelled to attend. Their participation will be voluntary.What if the police are one of the named organisations? What if the judiciary is one of the groups implicated? What of a right to reply for the named? What about looking at evidence before you name names in public? What about the dead?

It intends to search for patterns in the repeated failures that allowed serial offenders to exploit organisations working with children and will look at five key areas, including allegations of abuse by prominent people in public life.

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Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer Balls: Arsenal’s £43m bid for Higuain that wasn’t

higuain-arsenalTransfer Balls: The Daily Star says Arsenal have made a £43m bid for Goncalo Higuain. He’s the player the Sun says Arsenal bought in July 2o13.

Big money. But what is the Star’s source?

According to the Metro, the Gunners tabled a stunning offer but it has been immediately turned down by the Italian outfit.

Over to the Metro:

Arsenal have reportedly made a £43.3million transfer offer for Napoli’s Gonzalo Higuain. However, Napoli’s president Aurelio De Laurentiis rejected the speculative bid from the Gunners, according to Italian newspaper Corriere dello Sport.

No link to the source. But the Sport does report that De Laurentiis says:

‘Higuain is not for sale.’

And:

Arsenal – 60 million not enough for Higuain

The paper makes not a single mention of Arsenal haviong offered £43m for Higuain. The paper reports that Higuain is not for sale but, er, if he was then the fee would be much more than €60m. The Metro is wrong to say that Arsenal have bid £43m for the player.

The Star and Metro’s reports are utter balls.

Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Judge says AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd is no great loss to music

TAURANGA, NEW ZEALAND - NOVEMBER 26:  AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd gestures to members of the media after leaving Tauranga District Court after appearing in court after being charged with threatening to kill and possession of meth and marijuana at Tauranga District Court on November 26, 2014 in Tauranga, New Zealand.  Phil Rudd was ACDC's drummer from 1975 to 1983.  (Photo by Joel Ford/Getty Images)

 

The judge turned critic at the trial of Phil Rudd, the AC/DC drummer sentenced to eight months’ home detention by a New Zealand court for threatening to kill and possessing drugs.

Judge Tom Ingram responded to defence lawyers’ pleas that without Rudd AC/DC were less, by opining: “Queen replaced Freddie Mercury.”

But perhaps the biggest laugh was scored by Rudd who as he left court told a reporter “to get a f*****g job pal, get a real job”.

So said the drummer…

Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: Celebrities, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer Balls: Liverpool fans branded racist by Raheem Sterling’s people

sterling raheem greedy

 

Time to catch up with Liverpool and England footballer Raheem Sterling. What’s he been up to this summer? How’s the agent? How are the kids and the balloons?

The Sun: “Pack yer bags, Sterling”

LIVERPOOL have told Raheem Sterling he MUST go on the club’s pre-season tour. The Kop rebel missed training yesterday, claiming he was ill, after informing boss Brendan Rodgers he did not want to be considered for the trip to Asia and Australia.

The problem with calling in sick is that if you do it and only secure one day off, you look like a skiver.

Liverpool were set to send a doctor to give Sterling a check-up and the wantaway winger, 20, faces a massive fine if he does not turn up for the four-game trip. He could also be left sweating on a move to Manchester City, who are the only club to make offers for him.

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Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: Liverpool, Manchester City, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Karen Danzcuk to feature on Celebrity Big Brother as show’s first stop-motion housemate

karen danczuk tv

 

And now for the pay off. Karen Dancuk is to appear on Channel 5’s Celebrity Big Brother. Having recently appeared on Channel 5 news to tell us that her life is private, a “telly source” says:

“In the last week following the break-up of her marriage she has become all the more marketable. CBB is perfect for her — as viewers will see a lot of her famous boobs and she will have more to talk about.”

Given her love of selfies, will Karen become the show’s first stop motion housemate?

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Posted: 9th, July 2015 | In: Celebrities, News, TV & Radio | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann, the Yorkshire Ripper and date night with Jimmy Savile cops

maddie mccann yorkshire ripper

 

News on the hunt for Madeleine McCann has been thin. But today the Sun has a story:

Ripper’s vile Maddie slur  –  EXCLUSIVE: Serial killer casts doubt on McCanns in Broadmoor letter

The Sun has news of Peter Sutcliffe, the so-called Yorkshire Ripper.

YORKSHIRE Ripper Peter Sutcliffe sickeningly casts doubt on the innocence of Madeleine McCann’s parents in a sensational letter revealed today by The Sun.

Mass murderer and woman hates thinks… It’s not the most auspicious start to a scoop, is it? Why should we care what the killer thinks?

In the note — one of a series he sent from Broadmoor — he tells a pen pal “there’s something not quite right” about three-year-old Madeleine’s disappearance during a 2007 family holiday in Portugal.

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Posted: 8th, July 2015 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Playable tortilla records for your turntables

tortilla records

 

Someone at Rapture Records saw the video of someone “playing” a tortilla and created tortillas records.

The tortillas are, of courses, raw. The grooves are laser cut.

 

tortilla records

 

 

Make your own here.

Posted: 8th, July 2015 | In: Music, News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Press TV: Londoners are living on ‘floating shacks’

“Londoners choose to live on boats over soaring housing costs,” reports Iran’s Press TV.

 

Press TV London boats

 

The story is monumental nonsense.

Private rents in London have risen to cost about half the average salary; therefore, some tenants have turned to inexpensive rooms on boats described by many as “floating shacks.”

Will Iran give refuse to the new boat people?

Miss Tindle, who hopes to be at their destination, Brentford Island Marina, within ten days, before the start of term on September 29, said: ‘It’s so exciting. The boat’s been done up so nicely with ashwood interior.

‘It’s such a luxury and glam place to be and something to be proud of.’

So they say.

Posted: 8th, July 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Woman bit boyfriend who refused to have sex with her

sex wife battery grooms

 

Tabathia Lee Grooms, 35, attacked her boyfriend while he was sitting on the couch because he refused to have sex with her.

She scratched him on the face, head and neck, then bit him on the arm. He 911. When deputies arrived at the Atlanta, Georgia house, Grooms threatened to run over a deputy with a baby stroller.

For a bonus, Grooms punched her 66-year-old mother in the eye during the ordeal, according to the incident report.

 

Posted: 8th, July 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Man ‘battered ‘ex-wife for cheating on him with a sex toy

sex toy fight

 

Modern Romance calls Florida’s Triston Horne, who is accused of battering his ex-wife after accusing her of cheating on him with a dildo.

Horne, 36, was at his ex-wife Misty Clark’s home when the pair began to quarrel.

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Posted: 8th, July 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The death of Stuart Lubbock: Michael Barrymore sues the police

barrymore sues policeMichael Barrymore is no, “alright”. The former stalwart of light entertainment TV is on the front page of the Mirror. He’s suing police over the matter of Stuart Lubbock’s death.

Father-of-two Stuart Lubbock, 31, died at Barrymore’s then home in Roydon, Essex in March 2001. His body was found in the swimming pool. Forensic reports suggested Mr Lubbock had been sexually assaulted. He had severe internal injuries.

At an inquest, the coroner recorded an open verdict. Pathologists said they could not be certain he had drowned.

No-one has been charged over Stuart Lubbock’s death.

Michael Barrymore was arrested. He was released without charge. The incident damaged his name. And now he’s seeking damages for “the harm to his reputation and money-spinning career which collapsed following the death of Stuart Lubbock”.

The paper harks back:

He had met Barrymore at a nightclub in Harlow, also in Essex, earlier that evening before going back to his house for an all-night party. Barrymore, 63, fled the scene after the death, later claiming he had panicked and wasn’t trying to hide.

The former Strike It Lucky host, who told Jeremy Kyle last year that he once tried to kill himself, controversially refused to answer any questions about the tragedy at an inquest, after taking legal advice.

The inquest heard traces of cocaine, ecstasy and alcohol were in the victim’s body.

In 2002 ITV failed to renew the entertainer’s £2million a year contract.

He moved to New Zealand, filed for bankruptcy after a £1million-plus tax demand and later tried to resurrect his career in Britain by appearing in Celebrity Big Brother in 2006.

Barrymore – whose real name is Michael Parker – was one of four men arrested on suspicion of serious sexual assault and murder in 2008 following a review of the police investigation, but all were later released without charge.

 

lubbock

 

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Posted: 8th, July 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0