It turned out that the repossession company had followed Hearn. When he parked up and entered the store, they towed the car away, forcing Hearn to make his escape on foot.
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Spanish goalkeeper David Ge Dea has, says the Sun, told Louis van Gaal he does not want to play for Manchester United. The hammer-headed Van Gaal is quoted:
“We’ve talked with him, he was fully agreed with our decision. We have a goalkeeping coach, Frans Hoek. He had a meeting with David De Gea and he asks him ‘Do you want to play?’.
“No. So then I have to take the decision. It is a process.
“We had been observing him in preparation, he was not so good, he was not the same David de Gea as before. He was my best player last season. According to the fans, he was the best of the last two years.”
Why would Van Gaal share that informaion with the media? Is he trying to shame De Gea into staying at Old Trafford?
A “source” close enough to know the contents of Kerry’s mind tells us:
“Kerry doesn’t know that George has been arrested. When she finds out she will be heartbroken. It is the last thing she needs after the year they have had.”
Who needs social media and faddish telephones when you have the Sun to broadcast news on your personal life. Kerry’s not yet seen the Town Crier hold up an analogue sketch of her bum and yell “OMG!” but we’re seeing the start of a retro news trend. It can’t be long.
TV presenter and singer Kerry McFadden presenting ITV's new series 'Britain's Sexiest'. 07/12/04: The former Atomic Kitten, who has reverted to her maiden name, is rebuilding her life after the break-up of their marriage. Kerry Katona has spoken about her split from husband Brian McFadden and declared: "I want a new man for Christmas.
You can send anyone a photo of your penis via a feature “buried in Apple’s iPhone”, says the Indy. No need to download Snapchat or send an email. One iPhone user found the feature and sent a stranger a photo of his knob.
The woman received the picture during her journey on a train in South London, when she was sent it using Apple’s AirDrop feature. The technology is intended to let people easily share pictures between phones — but can be used by anyone in the immediate vicinity to send images to other people.
Julian Assange still lives in London. The Wikipedia founder sought in connection with an alleged rape is living in swanky Knightsbridge, in the Ecuardorean Embassy.
The Times is no fan of Assange. It says his time in the one of the best parts of London is coming to an end. .
The Ecuadorean embassy in swish Hans Crescent, long-suffering host to the whistleblower for more than three years, is no penal colony. It has, however, been turned upside down by its grandstanding squatter.
Is he squatting? He’s surely an invited guest. London is no longer as interesting as it once was, a place where squatters could occupy the good parts. London’s smartest districts are now gilded in foreign cash, peopled by brash Russian oligarchs and their lickspittles. Squatter! If only.
Now the Ecuadoreans are wondering whether the latest shift in Mr Assange’s legal status — original sex abuse allegations, denied by him, are no longer chargeable after August 19 — will soon have him packing his bags. Or, as some fear, he could be digging in for the long, long haul.
The BBC adds:
Under Swedish law, charges cannot be laid without interviewing the suspect. Prosecutors had until 13 August to question Mr Assange about one accusation of sexual molestation and one of unlawful coercion, while the time limit on a further allegation of sexual molestation runs out on 18 August. The more serious allegation of rape is not due to expire until 2020.
An unnamed “diplomat” tells the paper:
“Day has been turned into night, night into day. It is virtually impossible to conduct a normal diplomatic relationship when you are also functioning as a one-man boutique hotel.”
What facilities are their at the hotel?
Mr Assange inhabits a back office in the ten-room Victorian apartment. There is a treadmill, donated by the film director Ken Loach, a sun lamp — the embassy has no garden and he cannot even enter the lobby of the block without risk of arrest — a computer, a kitchenette.
Ken Loach donated a treadmill. If only Brian Glover had lived to it.
His celebrity visitors — was it Yoko Ono? Dame Vivienne Westwood? The actress Maggie Gyllenhaal, perhaps, or Eric Cantona? — lobbied the ambassador. Julian needed his sleep. So a women’s toilet was converted into a bedroom, and the embassy shrank yet further.
We learn that the embassy now uses keycards, because the doors cannot be left unlocked at night.
Mr Assange holds dinner parties sometimes but the guests bring the food and drink.
Assange never leaves – not even when someone shouts ‘FIRE!”:
There was even speculation in Ecuador that the British authorities might be trying to smoke out Mr Assange when the fire alarm sounded recently, sending all of the inhabitants of the building to the street in accordance with the evacuation plan. Only Mr Assange and one of the guards stayed behind, prepared to risk a roasting rather than arrest.
Assange of Arc never did materialise. The divine would-be martyr lived.
The President of Ecuador rarely calls nowadays, however, and has other things on his mind. Today President Correa faces a day of national protests and the prospect of a general strike. He is, say his critics in Quito, having to fight for his political survival. That does not augur well for the “guest” whose checkout time is fast approaching.
Balls. He’s there for the long haul.
When Chelsea FC’s manger Jose Mourinho thought it a good idea to admonish club doctor Eva Carneiro in public for treating Eden Hazard on the pitch, he crank-started the journalisomobile.
Michael Oliver, the referee, indicated that Hazard required attention. Mourinho felt that the more important factor was his team being down to nine men against Swansea (one had already been sent off).
Mourinho was upset, stating:
“I wasn’t happy with my medical staff because even if you are a medical doctor or secretary on the bench you have to understand the game.”
A secretary? Smell that whiff of sexism?
Danniella Westbrook’s Celebrity Big Brother comeback is off. The Sun says a CBB “shrink” (actually the show’s psychologist) talked with the 41-year-old former EastEnders actress and reformed cocaine addict who became known to millions as the “girl with no nose” and decided it would be best to cancel.
But the real shocker is that CBB was prepared to pay the former star £200,000 to be on the telly. We don’t know what the actress was paid to appear on I’m Famous – and Frightened with former TV chef Rustie Lee. ‘Handy’ Andy Kane from Changing Rooms, Jade Goody’s boyfriend and Madge from Neighbours but we’d guess it was shy of £200,000. And surely it was alway a risk to hire Westbrook who quit I’m a Celebrity when she found a rat in her hammock.
Westbrook’s hopes to rival Katie Price in the hardback bestseller lists are dashed.
A nameless “source” arrives to tell us what legend Danniella is:
“The producers were desperate to get Danniella on the show because, let’s face it, she’d make great TV. She was invited to meet them and alarm bells started ringing straight away. She was incredibly incoherent.”
That’s what happens when you work too long on EastEnders. You end up talking in a BBC Cockney patois. Trains of thought are interrupted by massive pauses. You reply to questions by barking ‘Sort it aht!’. You are routinely out-thought and out-acted by a dog.
It’s hard not to feel some sympathy for Danniella. TV careers have been built on less.
Edward Heath: a round-up of the claims that the former – now dead – Prime Minister and Tory MP was a child abuser.
The Sun: “Truth about me and Heath”
EXCLUSIVE: Brothel madam says ex-PM was gay but no paedo
If you can’t trust a brothel madam named Myra “Ling Ling” Forde to sell a story deep in fact and veracity about a famous dead man to the tabloids, who can you trust? She is news because, as the Telegraph reported:
A retired senior detective from the force came forward last year to allege that his colleagues quietly dropped a trial against twice married Forde in order to protect the reputation of the former Tory leader.
That allegation is now the subject of an Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC) investigation, but Wiltshire Police have also appealed for any potential victims of Sir Edward to come forward.
Transfer Balls realises that in footballing terms The Metro is now working as the Daily Telegraph’s feeder club. Following the DT’s news that Arsenal had signed Karim Benzema from Real Madrid last Friday – and were paying him less than Theo Walcott earns – the paper tells is readers that Benzema is not coming.
Arsene Wenger will surprise Arsenal fans by moving for PSG striker Edinson Cavani – and not Karim Benzema, according to reports.
The DT shamelessly adds:
While many expect Wenger to make an official bid for the Real Madrid forward, the Arsenal manager is said to be lining up an offer to sign the south American star instead.
Many expected Benzema to join Arsenal? Or as the Telegraph put it:
Readers now learn:
…now Arsenal are ready to free Cavani from his PSG days by making their move, according to the Metro.
Er, no. What the Metro says is:
Lee Hurley writes:
If you were to believe the press reports over the past 24 hours Arsenal are ready to bid for Edinson Cavani (again) and Karim Benzema has/is flying in for a medical with the club.
You means Press reports like this one:
And this one:
The Cavani reports seem to stem from Spain, an unlikely point of origin for a player who is currently in France but being linked with England, while the Benzema reports seem to come from Twitter – a hotbed of nonsense at the best of times (although a goldmine for information if you have your bullsh*t filter tuned correctly).
The Telegraph prefers a bullshit pipeline from The Metro.
Madeleine McCann: it’s the summer and, naturally, the missing child is back in the news.
Daily Mail: “Eye-scanners used to track terrorists adapted to help search for missing children like Madeleine McCann”
Why missing children like Our Maddie? Why not anyone whose missing?
Eye-scanners used to track terrorists are being adapted to help search for missing children. Researchers at a Pittsburgh university have developed high-resolution cameras that can be placed at major checkpoints, such as airports and border crossings, to scan a person’s iris from 40-feet away.
So. Not children, then. It’s a story about a technology hat can be applied to anyone, regardless of age.
Do you suffer from Foot Orgasm Syndrome (FOS)?Dr. Justin Lehmiller reports on on those who endure /enjoy orgasms via their feet:
“Mrs. A” (as she is identified in the case report) was having 5-6 orgasms per day in her left foot that were very similar in nature to orgasms she had experienced through genital stimulation; however, they were typically a bit shorter than a vaginal/clitoral orgasm, lasting 5-6 seconds before cutting off abruptly. These foot orgasms occurred suddenly and spontaneously—no sexual desire or arousal necessary. In addition, while they originated in the left foot, the orgasmic sensations traveled to other areas of the body, including up the left leg and to the vagina, and she sometimes experienced vaginal lubrication along with these orgasms.
Welsh perverts and badger enthusiasts looking to further their interests can add glow worm watching to the list of hobbies.
Glow worm populations in Llandudno’s Great Orme have “boomed” following the council’s move to replace traditional street lights because they were interfering with beast’s mating habits. It turns out that male glow worms thoughts sex with a sodium illumination more alluring that the local talent. But the new LED lights are not nearly so shaggable so it’s back to her indoors for Gary Glow Worm.
The Daily Post reports:
The realisation that the sodium lamps were interrupting the mating patterns was made by amateur naturalist Jenni Cox, who noticed the problem on Marine Drive. She said: “I first discovered them in 2011 when I was just walking down Marine Drive. I reported my findings to the national glow worm survey and came back out to count them. I counted 300 females, although there didn’t seem to be many males finding them.
The males were all watching the local doggers and MPs, allegedly.
All that money on marketing Nike to the cool kids only for one of your brand’s fans pulls on the big tick logo and attempt to have sex with a dog in Sydney, Australia, after exposing himself to two women.
Police are hunting the pervert. They have yet to search Adidas HQ.
Who hit the gas?
EXCLUSIVE: Raheem’s Merc crashed with nitrous cans in footwell, but who was driving?
Sterling’s mashed up Merc found abandoned in London
And, reportedly, there were “laughing gas canisters by the front seat”.
Very soon he learn that the only thing this has to do with the England player who joined Manchester City from Liverpool for £49m, is the car, which is his:
It is believed the Manchester City ace had lent the £125,000 car to a friend, and a worried source warned: “Raheem needs to think about who he hangs around with.”
Why does he? We don’t know what happened to the car. And laughing gas is not a banned substance. And the car was not “abandoned”. It was left by the roadside with damage to the front right wing.
The 155mph Merc was left on a London street after the crash. Its bonnet was crumpled and both airbags had activated, suggesting the impact was at speed.
It also suggests the driver and passenger were wearing seat belts. And according to Safecar.gov:
Frontal air bags are generally designed to deploy in “moderate to severe” frontal or near-frontal crashes, which are defined as crashes that are equivalent to hitting a solid, fixed barrier at 8 to 14 mph or higher. (This would be equivalent to striking a parked car of similar size at about 16 to 28 mph or higher.)
Was the impact at “speed”, as the Sun suggests?
It was taken to Manchester for repair. The car was pictured outside a garage in Middleton, with blue nitrous oxide canisters visible in a front seat footwell.
Anyone asked the mechanic about them?
We hear from an unnamed “source”:
“The Merc was in London for days after the smash — it was just left on the street. Raheem wasn’t in the car at the time, he was training in Manchester. It looks like he lent it to a mate.
“Raheem needs to think about whether he’s hanging around with the right kind of people, especially as he is such a high-profile star.”
The Sun then reminds readers that Sterling has twice been “caught” inhaling what appears to have been laughing gas.
…it has been linked to 17 UK deaths in five years, and doctors warn it can cause problems including blindness.
No direct link to the deaths has been proven. And as for the gas making you go “bald and BLIND”, that ‘fact’ is rooted in the words not of “doctors’, but of would-be media darling Dr David Allamby, clinical director of London’s Focus Clinic (see Press for details!), who told media:
“The links between vitamin B12 deficiency and hippy crack are well established, following a series of research papers. And this B12 deficiency causes damage to the optic nerve, something known as optic neuropathy.
“It could be helped by huge supplement injections of B12, but the vision loss could be irreversible, especially if advanced. And chronic abuse of nitrous oxide gas could not only lead to blindness, but a host of other problems, too, including nerve damage.
“I’d argue that if more and more people in the UK continue to abuse this so-called legal high we could be facing a sight loss epidemic in the months and years to come.”
The risk of going blind exists for a chronic user – defined as being addicted to the drug – and are deficient in vitamin B12.
Looks like elite athlete Raheem Sterling is safe. As for his car, well, he can always toss some of his fortune at making it better.
A man filming the running of the bulls in Villaseca de la Sagra has been gored to death.
Jesus Hijosa, the mayor of Villaseca de la Sagra, says:
“The young man was on the path of a bull run which he was filming with his mobile phone. A bull surprised him from behind and gored him in the neck.”
He then added – and get this:
“This sends shivers down our spine.”
Well, yes. But van we blame the death on the fetish for watching life though a small mobile phone window?
It turned out that the repossession company had followed Hearn. When he parked up and entered the store, they towed the car away, forcing Hearn to make his escape on foot.
“(It was) in his underwear,” says certified nursing assistant Veronica Mitchner of the Titusville Rehab and Nursing Center in Florida. “I was like, a snake? A real snake. And I wanted to see the snake and when I seen the snake in a cup, I was like, ‘Dang, that’s a real snake.'”
Mitchner said the snakes aren’t new. “I’ve been here for two years, and I’ve seen them for two years,” she said.
The snake is was a ring neck. Of course it was.
Crop Circle of the day:
Ted Heath wasn’t a pedophile. Well, not unless former Tory MP Matthew Parris is an aadvark. He writes in the Times:
Cards on the table first. If Ted Heath was a child abuser, I’m an aardvark.
Why an aardvark? Is it because it always come first and being a former MP-turned bylined columnist is all about ‘me’? Why not lion? Or a bat?
Media coverage has been a discredit to journalism. This was never a story. No serious evidence was ever advanced.
Yet. The police are on a fishing expedition as we speak.
The police have behaved atrociously… If you grandstand in front of the former PM’s house, advertising nationally for anyone who thinks they might have been abused by Heath in the past half century (and it’s well known there can be generous compensation for victims) then it’s hardly surprising that from a population nearing 70 million, by no means all honest or sane, you get a handful of responses.
Not all 70 million were alive when Ted was. But point taken. The police news appeal looks like a broadcast by a self-serving, biased political party.
The photos published of Heath with Jimmy Savile hit a new low. There must be thousands of snapshots of people standing next to Savile. I remember shaking hands with him in his ludicrous gold lamé tracksuit near the start of a 1980s London Marathon.
Who is the “England ace” in the Sun’s “race row”?
SHOCKING video plunged England footballer Jamie Vardy into a race row last night after he was seen abusing a fellow gambler, saying: “Yo Jap, walk on.”
Leicester City striker Vardy, 28, can be heard loudly repeating the word “Jap” three times during a heated bust-up as he played a late-night game of poker at a casino.
Leicester City players have been embroiled a summer race row before. Earlier this year a trio of berks were exposed racially abusing Thai prostitutes in a homoerotic orgy.
A witness appears to tell us how bad it is:
“As an England international he should know that eyes are going to be on him when he goes out, but he acted just like a football thug. The club should investigate. I was outraged.”
The Sun then advises its innocent, shocked and confused readers:
The term “Jap’” short for Japanese, has been considered a derogatory racial term since World War II.
But one thing is certain, Vady has destroyed football and the entire season. Oh, he has becasue the ridiculous Kick It Out outfit says he has:
Anti-racism campaign group Kick It Out last night said Vardy’s behaviour had “cast a shadow” over the start of the football season.
Dr Taplin, also a Fellow of the University of Leicester, said, remidns us all that footballers are “role models to young people”.
Helpfully, Sun readers see Tony Parsons as their rol mode. He tells them:
As a man with a Japanese wife, an Anglo-Japanese daughter and a profound love for Japan, I should be deeply offended by Jamie chucking the old “Jap” insult around. But he is clearly so poorly educated he is somewhere beneath contempt.
Certainly the 70th anniversary of nuclear bombs falling on Hiroshima and Nagasaki is not the most sensitive time to revive such archaic racist terms.
Parsons then tells what names are acceptable to level at Vardy:
But screaming “Oi, Jap!” only makes one person look like a tosser, Jamie. And it is not the gentleman you were shrieking at. The Japanese are a proud, well-educated, civilised nation – the kindest and most decent people in the world. They wouldn’t let a thicko like Jamie Vardy clean their toilets.
Maybe he can write for the Sun?
To Japan, where telly network TV Tokyo is furthing mankinds understanding or nature’s wonders why with Karada no Fushigi Daibouken 2015, or “The Mysterious Great Adventure of the Body 2015.”
Kids, parents, the man who carries that BA flight bag around Brent X car park, BBC radio DJs from the 1970s and huge anus enthusiasts can become ambulatory turds:
Spotter: Kyodo News
Bournemouth are in the Barclays Premier League. Eddie Howe, the manager, and Maxim Demin, the Russian billionaire owner, are the club’s driving forces. But club chairman Jeff Mostyn recalls how close the club came to going out of business. He tells the Times:
“I was doing the mirror test — stick a mirror in front of someone’s mouth and if it steams up they’re alive and a suitable buyer — but we could not find anyone. It was ludicrous. I got home that night and Rose said, ‘I know what you’ve done.’ In that room, knowing the reality that the club was about to be liquidated, I could not let it happen. So I signed the cheque.”
He outlines AFCBournemouth’s transfer poilicy:
“One man is not going to make a team, but one man can destroy it if he upsets the equilibrium in the dressing room.”
Lord Greville Janner will be in court when allegations that he abused children are heard. Well, he will be if he complies with the Chief Magistrate Howard Riddle’s order issued at Westminster Magistrates’ Court. Yesterday Janner did not appear in court. He laywers said he was “unfit”.
The former Labour peer, 87, has dementia. He denies all 22 claims that he abused children in the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s.
Said Riddle – and what a great name that is:
“I further understand, and this is very significant, it is likely to have no long-term effect on him. He must appear for a comparatively short period of time. He is free to go if he becomes distressed. This will probably be achieved in less than a minute. Nevertheless the law requires his presence.”
The Times hears the medical opinions:
Andrew Smith, QC, for Lord Janner, told the court that the peer was unfit to attend and called two consultant psychiatrists to testify to the severity of his condition.
James Warner said he had no doubt about Lord Janner’s dementia and that the peer’s condition was severe and progressively deteriorating.
He added: “Lord Janner would not be able to understand what is said to him or about him. If asked a question he would not be in a position to respond meaningfully to that question.”
Dr Warner said that Lord Janner was highly likely to become distressed if brought to the courtroom and could suffer what doctors term a catastrophic reaction. However, there would be no longterm effects from any distress caused by coming to the court.
Norman Poole said he had examined Lord Janner last month and the peer had become angry and irritable at their meeting because he did not understand what was happening.
What then? The BBC explains:
Whether Lord Janner is fit to plead – to take part in a full criminal trial – will be decided by a crown court judge. He will consider the medical evidence. If he is not deemed fit he will face what is known as a trial of the facts. There will be no examination of the mental elements of the crime, no finding of guilt and no conviction.
So the point of this is what?
It is a relatively rare procedure normally used not in cases where a defendant is said to suffer from dementia, but where they pose a danger and need to be hospitalised for the safety of themselves and others. The court cannot impose a hospitalisation or supervision order unless a jury has found the defendant performed the physical act of the crime.
Ia Janner a danger to the public at large?
However, Lord Janner can only be sent to face the fitness to plead process and trial of the facts in the crown court, if he attends the magistrates court, or his lawyers have instructions to consent on his behalf.
If they do not, the prosecution may have to make a little used application to a High Court judge for something called a voluntary bill of indictment. This has the effect of by-passing the magistrates court and delivering the defendant direct to the crown court.
Lots of ifs. And we’ve not even considerd the evidence.
Driver Tyrone Covell, 43, found a caravan in a skip in Newport, south Wales.
The skip was booked by a male customer who checked if the carvan was a prohibited item before ditching it.
“They asked about what they could and couldn’t put in the skip and I sent them over the list but of course we didn’t say you can’t put a caravan in there as it’s blatantly obvious you can’t put a caravan in a skip,” says Melissa Hodges, marketing manager at hire fire GD Environmental.
“I had to call the customer and tell them we couldn’t pick it up. I think they were just trying to push their luck. We told them to demolish the caravan and we’d come back and pick it up so that’s what they did. It wasn’t a really heavy caravan but I still have no idea how they got it up there.”
Rraders are invited the spot the difference between the skip blocking the road and a carvan.