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News | Anorak - Part 40

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We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.

Clock Boy Ahmed Mohamed wants $15m for ‘trauma’, lives in Qatar

ahmed's clock

 

You will remember Clock Boy, one Ahmed Mohamed. He was arrested after teachers at his Texas school thought the homemade clock he’d brought to class looked like a bomb.

Ahmed and his family have been living in the enlightened …

Posted: 24th, November 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester United balls: Wayne Rooney is off to play in China?

china wayne rooneyIf this were the 1970s, and we were Benny Hill, we would describe the Sun’s back page exclusive that the Chinese are wooing Wayne Rooney as looney.

As it is the Sun says “Utd fear a takeaway”.

Cue jokes about …

Posted: 23rd, November 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Yodel delivery driver leaves package on top of customer’s roof

Ever use a ladder to retrieve a package?

YodelOnline Suprised your delivery driver decided to throw the package on the roof? Any reason why?

 

YodelOnline Suprised your delivery driver decided to throw the package on the roof? Any reason why?

Posted: 23rd, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Ronaldo to Manchester United and Benitez to Coventry

Ronaldo picking

 

Trouble at Real Madrid. One bruising defeat to Barcelona and Cristiano Ronaldo, 30, says of manager Rafael Benitez: “Either he goes, or I go.” And that means Ronaldo is off to play for Manchester United.

Well, so reports the …

Posted: 23rd, November 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Manchester United get Gareth Bale, Ronaldo and Benitez

bale ballsIn “GALACTIGO”, the Daily Express says Manchester United are poised to sign Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale. If Real Madrid sell their players, if Manchester United have the money to sign then, if the players want to leave and play …

Posted: 23rd, November 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Radio France changes pro-migrant headline after Paris massacre

Hindsight at wok in the French media, where the website of State-owned Radio France has rewritten its opinion on terrorism and migration.

The original headline on the September 14 story ran: “Refugees: the fantasy of terrorist infiltration.”

 

 

refugee

 …

Posted: 23rd, November 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Panic: Europe runs out of Jews to murder and Prince Charles explains all

Belgium justice minister, Koen Greens, has discovered a problem: allowing terrorists take out frustration on Jews is ok until you run out of Jews. He says:

“It’s no longer synagogues or the Jewish museums or police stations, it’s mass gatherings

Posted: 23rd, November 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Biased BBC: Murdering Jews in Israel is never ‘terror’

biased-bbc

Rabbi Aharon Yesayev, 32, from Tel Aviv, Reuven Aviram, 51, from Ramle, Ezra Schwartz, 18, of Sharon, Massachusetts, Yaakov Don, 49, from Alon Shvut, and Shadi Arafa, 40, from Hebron have been murdered in Israel.

How did the BBC report …

Posted: 22nd, November 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Mr Phuc Dat Bich ‘banned from Facebook’

An exasperated Vietnamese-Australian man has shared a photo of his passport to prove his name really is Phuc Dat Bich after he was banned from Facebook several times.

 

 

Mr Phuc Dat Bich, 23, says “nobody seems to believe …

Posted: 22nd, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Police swoop on man with ‘armed’ sandwich

armed sandwich

 

To Stevenage railway station, Hertfordshire. It’s 4.40pm on Thursday afternoon. Police are responding to an urgent call: someone has seen a man with a gun.

Armed police have located the man, who is searched and found to be …

Posted: 22nd, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Liverpool have £42m for Aubameyang, Chelsea offer £20m, Arsenal release Reus

 

Transfer balls: News is that Liverpool manager Jürgen Klopp is on course to reunite with Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, the  Borussia Dortmund striker who has scored a mere 19 goals in 16 appearances so far this season.

The Guardian says Arsenal …

Posted: 22nd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Liverpool, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Is Cher Dead?

On December 2014, Cher had three months to live, reported the National Enquirer.

tumblr_ngo40cUgF91tj0d4uo1_1280

 

 

Seven months later Cher was dead.

 

tumblr_nru89q23nr1tj0d4uo1_1280

Cher is not dead.

 

 …

Posted: 21st, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arsenal: Hector Bellerin breaks Usain Bolt’s sprint record (sort of)

usainbolt1

Is Arsenal defender Hector Bellerin faster than Usain Bolt, the world’s greatest 100m runner?

Elizabeth Cassin writes for the BBC:

When Usain Bolt broke the 100m world record in 2009, it took him 4.64 seconds to run the first

Posted: 21st, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Angelina Jolie not dead: weight falls to weekly deadline

angelina jolie dead

 

Angelina Jolie weighs 83lbs. We know this because the National Enquirer leads with the weighty issue on its cover page. The NE loves to talk about Jolie’s weight. Her love-rival, former Mrs Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, sucks the tabloid …

Posted: 21st, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, News, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Spurs balls: Kane and Alli get pay rise but Manchester United and Chelsea wait

del alli

 

The Sun leads with news that Spurs will invest £25m in tying Dele Alli and Harry Kane to long term deals. The money won’t come in one hit. As the paper says:

Striker Kane, currently on £45,000 a week,

Posted: 21st, November 2015 | In: News, Sports, Spurs | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Dover school ticks off parents for smoking outside school gates

Parents stood by the school gates at Dover’s Eythorne Elvington Community Primary pupils are being told off. The school’s headmistress, Liz Bird has issued parents with a directive: stop swearing and smoking by the gates.

Mrs Bird tells her local …

Posted: 20th, November 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arsenal balls: fear and panic sell Laurent Koscielny short

wenger fearArsenal could be without Laurent Koscielny for their next Premier League match at West Bromwich Albion. The Sun says in “WENGER’S PARIS FEARS OVER KOSCIELNY” that the Gunner’s French manager Arsene Wenger “fears” the player is “too traumatised by the …

Posted: 20th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Songs of Vietnam: The Top 10

 

In We Gotta Get Out of This Place: The Soundtrack of the Vietnam War, Doug Bradley and Craig Werner, professor of Afro-American studies at the University of Wisconsin–Madison, narrate the story of the music that whirled about the …

Posted: 20th, November 2015 | In: Music, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: tabloid creates epic bullshit.com story about Liverpool and Arsenal ‘target’

daily star bullshit

 

Transfer balls: The Daily Star has a scoop about a “Liverpool target”. The headline tells us:

Liverpool target talks up shock move: It’d be a dream to play for them!

Who is it?

PARIS ST-GERMAIN winger Ezequiel Lavezzi hinted

Posted: 19th, November 2015 | In: Liverpool, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Chelsea, Manchester United and Bayern Munich in Robben story plot

Transfer balls: Is Arjen Robben heading back to the Premier League to play for Manchester United?

Yes, says the Daily Express. He is. The paper’s headline is definitive:

Former Chelsea winger agrees January move to Manchester United

 

robben balls

 …

Posted: 19th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, manchester united, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Arkansas judge allegedly offered sexual spankings or prison

spanking judge alleged

 

To Arkansas, where young white male offenders are offered a deal: take a sound spanking to your naked backside and get a  reduced sentence. It’s alleged that Judge Joseph Boeckmann, swapped jail time for hanky spanky times. Boeckmann is

Posted: 19th, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Transfer balls: Darren Raekwon McIntosh-Buffonge gets the Manchester United bullshit.com treatment

Manchester United have agreed terms with 17-year-old Darren Raekwon McIntosh-Buffonge. A mere five years ago, Darren was let go by Arsenal. He then tried his luck at Fulham. And now he’s signed a scholarship contract at Old Trafford.

Bit deal …

Posted: 19th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Abdelhamid Abaaoud: a naked dead body and the blonde

Is Abdelhamid Abaaoud, the drugged-up Muslim nihilist who planned the murders of 129 people in Paris, dead?

Abdelhamid Abaaoud dead body

 

The Mail wonders if Abdelhamid Abaaoud has been killed by French forces?

The Sun provides an answer:

Abdelhamid Abaaoud

 

But why is “dies” …

Posted: 19th, November 2015 | In: News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0