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News | Anorak - Part 478

News Category

We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.

Police Log: Cyclists Undone By Braless Thieves

POLICE Log: Anorak’s Look At Crime In The News…

Done Up Like A Stripper:

Deputies are searching for a group of women last seen wearing suspenders without bras or shirts on underneath them who robbed an 18-year-old on his way to work, according to a Martin County Sheriff’s Office report.

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Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: News | Comments (8) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Police Order Woman To Knit Her Punishment

POLICE LOG: Crime in the news…

Jumpers For Tyres:

An 89-year-old grandmother who went on a tyre-wrecking spree in her street has been ordered to knit jumpers for her victims.

Heidi Kohl, from western Germany, was arrested after one neighbour spotted her slashing the tyres on a car. She later confessed that she had resorted to drastic measures after becoming “fed up” with so many drivers parking in her neighbourhood.

Kohl was initially told that she would be fined for her behaviour, but authorities came up with the more unusual punishment after the woman claimed she would be unable to pay.

A spokeswoman confirmed: “When she’s knitted the sweaters, then the matter will be over for us.”

Something in stripes should do it…

Source

Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: News | Comments (8) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Biscuit Tin Economy

WANT to know what to do with your money? Read The Biscuit Tin Economy

Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: News | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cooking With Testicles

COOKING with testicles:

Sample recipe: Goulash with stallion or bull testicles

Ingredients

2-3 tablespoons lard

4kg stallion of bull testicles

2-3 onions

1 clove garlic

peppercorn and ground pepper

thyme

mint herb

milfoil (plant)

red ground seasoning pepper or tomato puree

hot chilli pepper to taste

salt

mix seasoning

1 tbsp plain flour

200ml white wine

1 tablespoon honey

2 squares cooking chocolate

Method

Cut testicles into thin slices. Fry briefly, adding finely chopped onion, garlic, black ground pepper and chilli. Cook while gradually adding water. When nearly finished, add white wine. When wine evaporates a bit, add mix seasoning, pepper, thyme, milfoil, red pepper powder, mint herb and a tablespoon of flour. Mix all well until wine completely evaporates and at the very end add honey and chocolate. Instead of red ground seasoning pepper you can use tomato puree. Tomato puree is used to get red colour, so don’t use ketchup.

– June

Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: News | Comments (32) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Bette Verte: Bette Midler Goes Green

GLOBAL warming quote of the day: Bette Midler…

“Over the years, the number of trucks that I have behind me has grown exponentially and I don’t really like that, I don’t like wasting the gas,” she told me on a promotional trip to London.

“Fourteen trucks, that’s a lot of gas. So I decided I’d stay put for a while,” she added.

It gets better…

Surely moving equipment in trucks is unavoidable for a touring show, I ask her?

“I can avoid it,” she says, shaking her head, and going on to provide an impressive list of her green credentials that would put most celebrities to shame.

“I don’t drive much, I have a Smart car, I have a hybrid, I drive a [Toyota] Prius,” she says.

It’s the wind beneath her wings that powers her on…

Source

Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Obama Buys His Own TV Channel

OBAMA:

The satellite channel is the latest of these marginal gambits: Three readers from different parts of the country email that Channel 073-00 on the Dish Network is now labeled OBAMA. (“What is up with Sen. Obama having his own channel?” asks a St. Louis reader.) The channel plays his two-minute ad laying out his economic plan on a loop, over and over.

A bastion of truth…

Obama Campaign Has The ‘Stench Of Police State Tactics’

Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Warren Buffet Is Lender Of Last Resort

Well, if the ongoing proceedings in Congress are anything to go by Warren Buffet may end up as the lender of last resort after the Federal Reserve goes down; Dog only knows that I have spent 20 years pointing out that the Savings and Loans debacle was not only predictable but blindingly obvious, and that the same thing would happen all over again, with brass knobs on, if they didn’t relocate the rocket scientists to someplace where they could do less damage, like weapons research.

They didn’t, and it has…

Chenier

Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Life Clock: Be Depressed

WANNA be depressed. Here goes:

12

nothing seems out of the ordinary when you first look at Life Clock. upon closer inspection, you may notice the numbers seem a little high. this is because one rotation of this clock is equal to the average human lifespan. the clock is an artwork by bertrand planes which uses an ordinary clock slowed down 61320 times to make each minute equal to a year.

Source

Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: News | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Money Markets Are Dead

This afternoon, as reported in the Newy York Times, the money markets ceased to exist.

“The money markets have completely broken down, with no trading taking place at all,” said Christoph Rieger, a fixed-income strategist at Dresdner Kleinwort in Frankfurt. “There is no market any more. Central banks are the only providers of cash to the market; no one else is lending.”

That’s the bad news.

The really bad news is that the SEC has taken leave of what little sense it possesses and put out a new accounting standard on how financial concerns have to value their assets. The reality is that many of the assets have very little value because no-one will buy them; these are the toxic debts that Congress was asked to subsidise.

The new accounting standards will allow the financial concerns to pretend that the debts have some market value, even though there is no market for them.

The reason that there is no market for them is because they have no value.

The SEC seems to be hoping that pretending valueless assets have a value will make everyone happy again, so that people will start lending money again, and all the businesses that rely on borrowing money to meet pay rolls and other expenses won’t go bust.

Of course, what is likely to happen is that people will be more scared than ever of just what is in those bank vaults…

– Chenier

Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sarah Palin’s Ennoia On Joe Biden

“I’M looking forward to meeting Joe Biden. I’ve been looking forward to meeting him since the second grade” – VP CANDIDATE SARAH PALIN.

Jay considers the words:

ennoia (en-NOY-a), the figure of faint praise. From the Greek, meaning “hidden intention.”

Oh, that saucy Sarah Palin! With a smile like a dog’s before it bites you, she delivers her lines with an energy we haven’t seen politicians exhibit in some time. We’re happy to see Governor Palin’s comfort with one of the finer figures. The ennoia damns the victim through faint praise, allowing you to seem agreeable even when you’re on the attack. But Palin’s use of an it to imply the age of her hoary counterpart strikes us as a tad, well, schoolyardish.

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Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sarah Palin Comes In A Pack Of Twenty

MAGNETITE writes: “Forgive me if this has been posted before, elsewhere, or in Anoraks main pages. It is early hours and sleep evades me, Brown Ale Nepenthe has made me lackadaisical and this just frightened the hairy Bejesus out of me.

“This is picture 11 out of 20 from the Sarah Palin lookalike contest in the Anchorage Daily News (it’s the one with all of them together, in case new ones are added and the numbers change, or my image cose doesn’t work)

“They all look like Palin would if God got to have another crack at making her.”

Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: News | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Polar Bears Can Hear Mother Nature’s Screams

POLAR Bear Watch: Anorak’s look at polar bears in the news…

IN California, scientists are testing the hearing of polar bears “to try to find out whether the noises associated with melting Arctic ice could affect their ability to survive”.

In the wild, polar bears live in one of the quietest places on Earth. For much of the time, the Arctic is a bitterly cold, silent world.

But global warming is changing that. Ice, which is crucial to the bears’ survival, is disappearing and people are moving in.

“We’re expecting industrial activity, shipping, recreation, all of those human activities to increase in the Arctic,” says Dr Ann Bowles, a senior research scientist at Hubbs-Seaworld Research Institute in San Diego.

“We’re going to be bringing noise and activity much closer to these guys. What we’re trying to do is help to protect the bears during this period of transition,” she says.

Ear plugs..?

Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: News | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Mad Cow Arrested In America

ANORAK has a long-held suspicion of people who are one syllable short of a real name: Jon, Antony and Barbra. So here’s Michele Allen wearing cow costume and yelling at children.

To Cincinnati pleaded, them where Allen is in Middletown Municipal Court to answer one count of disorderly conduct: she urinated on a neighbour’s and chased children.

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Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: News | Comments (20) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Understanding The Daily Mail Project

BEN Goldacre sees hoq the Mail, like all good middle-class sods, has it every way it can get it:

I am Health Book Of The Week in the Daily Mail (and after all the mean things I’ve said about them). To me this says a great deal about the strangeness of the Daily Mail project – barrages of nonsense, interspersed with occasional moments of incongruous clarity. This phenomenon, for me, reached its pinnacle in their front page article on how miracle pixie dust made a man’s finger grow back. You will remember that this story was nonsense. After all the front page excitement, hidden away at the very end of their article, was a quote from someone who actually knew about this stuff, who said, quite simply, that the papers entire front page story was all cock. Brilliant, strange, and oddly endearing.

The Mail – if they will read it, they will write it…

Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Ahmadinejad Accepts Israel’s Right To Exist

SAYS Mamoud Ahmadinejad:

If they [the Palestinians] want to keep the Zionists, they can stay … Whatever the people decide, we will respect it. I mean, it’s very much in correspondence with our proposal to allow Palestinian people to decide through free referendums.

Peter Tatchell concludes:

Since most Palestinians are willing to accept a two-state solution, the Iranian president is, in effect, agreeing to Israel’s right to exist and opening the door to a peace deal that Iran will endorse.

And then once there aer two states he can blow up one of them…

Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: News | Comments (20) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The New York Sun Sets

CLIVE Davis says so long to the New York Sun:

The New York Sun, conservative rival to the Old Gray Lady, is closing down after six years of trying to beat the odds. Urging Dick Cheney to run for president was little short of unhinged, and the coverage of Europe often had a whiff of Islamophobia about it,  but the paper did publish some quality pieces too.

A newspaper dies, and in small room in London a web publisher smiles…

Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: News | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Twin Judge Swaps Places With Criminal Sister

IN Italy, a woman who worked as a part-time judge as well as a lawyer was “substituted by her identical twin sister in court so she would not lose out on legal fees when she had two simultaneous engagements.”

The 54-year-old twins from northern Italy have now been charged with fraud and will go on trial in January, Italy’s leading newspaper, Corriere della Sera, reported Friday on its website.

One of the twins, identified only as Gabriella, worked primarily as a lawyer but also as an honorary judge, a part-time, paid position that entails helping full-time judges when their case load is heavy.

When Gabriella was called to be a substitute judge she sent her sister twin Patrizia to stand in for her at an existing engagement as a defense lawyer elsewhere in the Milan area.

The problem was that sister Patrizia was not a lawyer like sister Gabriella but charged the clients anyway.

Which of them did the better job is unsaid…

Source

Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Indians Hang Up On The Call Centre

THE Call Centre has done more to damage Anglo-Indian relations than last night’s vindaloo:

A 23-year-old man, barely out of college, has been recovering from a heart attack in a hospital. The doctor’s diagnosis: modern lifestyle – stress and odd hours of work.

He works at a call centre in Mumbai

Alarmed?

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Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: News | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Heidi Montag And Spencer Pratt Cure The World’s Ills

14 sees that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are the cure for all the world’s ills:

Global economic crisis, possible fiscal bailout repercussions, Venezuela to build nuclear technology with Russia, largest bank collapse in US history, melamine now found in chocolate, world faces pandemic of antibiotic resistance, processed food and high fructose corn syrupworld obesity crisis, collapse of the honey bee, rising food prices, Sarah Palin, dyingpolluted oceans, genetically modified food, job losses, foreclosed homes, amphibian decline, Hurricane Ike devastation, pharmaceuticals in our water supply, and I could keep going on and on. However, the bright spot nestled within these world problems is the uplifting Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt slide show that sat on Yahoo’s front page all weekend.

Better now…

Such a welcome distraction – don’t you feel better now?

Better now….

Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Nadine Dorries Castrates The Recess Monkey

NADINE Dorries, the Christian fundamentalist in white, is on the hunt for a blogger. Run, Recess Monkey, Run:

Apart from the other 100 people in the room. Nadine Dorries is going to stop blogging. She said earlier that if she meets a nameless other blogger – /present in Brum today/, as I breeze shot with him – ‘he will father no children, I tell you’.

Nadine is the woman in white…

Christian Fundamentalists Aborted: Nadine Dorries Tagged

The Biggest Boobs In Westminster: Jacqui Smith’s Knockers

Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


How The MSM Back Obama And Hunts Palin

HOW the Main Stream Media backs Obama and hunts down Palin:

Off the record, every suspicion you have about MSM being in the tank for O is true. We have a team of 4 people going thru dumpsters in Alaska and 4 in arizona. Not a single one looking into Acorn, Ayers or Freddiemae. Editor refuses to publish anything that would jeopardize election for O, and betting you dollars to donuts same is true at NYT, others. People cheer when CNN or NBC run another Palin-mocking but raising any reasonable inquiry into obama is derided or flat out ignored. The fix is in, and its working.” I asked permission to reprint without attribution and it was granted.

The Anchoress is praying:

I suppose this is why print media and the press in general don’t care about their tumbling revenues; when The Pelosi gets the regulated internet and restricted Congress that she wants, and Obama gets his thugs and his Justice Department monitoring, intimidating and shutting down alternative media (and the dissenting voices we’ve been told are “patriotic” when a Republican is in the White House) the incestuous mainstream press will go back to being the only game in town. Pravda West.

The BBC is the worst…

But Palin is new – what do we know about her?

Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: News | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


MI6 Agent Sells Al Qaeda Data On EBay

IF the Government can be relied upon for anything it is to lose our confidential data.

With one in four of us working for the State, the Government has lots of data to lose.

The one hope is that whoever finds your child benefits history will be unable to make it tally with information they already have on your driving record, your time in prison, your work for national defence and more.

(Image: Beau Bo D’Or)

Today’s data disaster is that an MI6 agent left secrets about Al-Qaeda on the digital camera he sold on eBay.

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Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: News | Comments (8) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Banks Know Something

Judging from the way the banks are still refusing to lend to each other, they have more concern about what the banks are really holding than even the most pessimistic outsiders…- Chenier

Posted: 29th, September 2008 | In: News | Comments (13) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Not Horseshit As Tynside Pub Bans Horse

NO Horseshit in Tyneside pub:

A Tyneside pub has called time on one of its regular visitors after the premises were refurbished.

Peggy, a 12-year-old mare, used to enjoy a pint of beer and a packet of crisps alongside her owner at the Alexandra Hotel in Jarrow.

However, she is no longer allowed to prop up the bar following a refit which included new carpets.

And a limit on the all-you-can-eat salad…

Posted: 29th, September 2008 | In: News | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Pramface Sarah Palin And Why Republican Men Are Not Sexually Inadequate

CBC columnist Heather Mallick uses her September 5 column to call Bristol Palin a “pramface.”

Via

Posted: 29th, September 2008 | In: News | Comments (32) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0