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“I’VE not had no sex for a year cos I look like Vicky Pollard,” says Jo Guest, the former glamour model now struggling with weight gain.
We say chins up, Jo.
Pollard is only a fictional character on the telly. But Pollard’s character suggests that she does have sex and requires no more than a relatively flat surface, an alcohol-based lubricant and an insignificant other to sate her needs.
Better times lie ahead…
“BRITAIN’S MUSLIMS ARE TOO EXTREME – Says Iraq’s deputy prime minister after visit to Blackburn mosque”
Can you be a “too extreme” Muslim, particularly in the Express?
The front-page headline suggests that you can.
Indeed, so extreme can you be that even the deputy leader of Iraq thinks you are too extreme – and when it comes to spotting extreme Muslims he is up there with the Daily Express…
He also produced the “world’s hottest curry,” called Curry Hell:
In the chaos of the days leading up to the actual destruction of the wall and the fall of East Germany’s communist government, frantic Stasi agents sent trucks full of documents to the Papierwolfs and Reisswolfs — literally “paper-wolves” and “rip-wolves,” German for shredders. As pressure mounted, agents turned to office shredders, and when the motors burned out, they started tearing pages by hand — 45 million of them, ripped into approximately 600 million scraps of paper.
There’s no way to know what bombshells those files hide. For a country still trying to come to terms with its role in World War II and its life under a totalitarian regime, that half-destroyed paperwork is a tantalizing secret.
The machine-shredded stuff is confetti, largely unrecoverable. But in May 2007, a team of German computer scientists in Berlin announced that after four years of work, they had completed a system to digitally tape together the torn fragments. Engineers hope their software and scanners can do the job in less than five years — even taking into account the varying textures and durability of paper, the different sizes and shapes of the fragments, the assortment of printing (from handwriting to dot matrix) and the range of edges (from razor sharp to ragged and handmade.) “The numbers are tremendous. If you imagine putting together a jigsaw puzzle at home, you have maybe 1,000 pieces and a picture of what it should look like at the end,” project manager Jan Schneider says. “We have many millions of pieces and no idea what they should look like when we’re done.”
SO dominate is the polar bear that it is now used to illustrate the curent economic climate.
While some may prefer a sloth bear, Matt Drudge uses a roaring polar bear.
HEATH Ledger is dead. Sad news.
AGW remembers meeting him: “Because life has a way of developing into a series of bitter twists. I can tell you I remember him from exactly twenty years ago as a boy, with lots of other children, as he stood on the deck of a Tall Ship moored in Challenge Harbour, Fremantle…
HEATH Ledger, the Australian-born actor was found dead Tuesday in an apartment in Manhattan with sleeping pills near his body, the police said.
“I had such great hope for him. He was just taking off and to lose his life at such a young age is a tragic loss. My thoughts and prayers are with him and his family.” – Mel Gibson
“What a tragedy. My heart goes out to his family.” – Nicole Kidman
“Heath Ledger was a courageous actor, and a great soul. He gave us the gift of sharing his fearless and beautiful love – of his craft, and of all who worked with him – for which all of us will be eternally grateful.” – Focus Features, producers of Brokeback Mountain
“It was with great sadness that I have learned of the passing of Heath Ledger. It is tragic that we have lost one of our nation’s finest actors in the prime of his life. Heath Ledger’s diverse and challenging roles will be remembered as some of the great performances by an Australian actor.” – Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister of Australia
“This is an unimaginable tragedy. Heath was a true artist, a deeply sensitive man, an explorer, gifted and wise beyond his years. There is no finer person on this earth.” – Todd Haynes, director of I’m Not There
As noted: “If the measure is approved, any large fast-food chain would have to list calorie counts prominently on their menu boards. Several chains, like McDonald’s and Burger King, have the information available, but don’t list it on the menu boards that customers read before ordering.”
Food is now about numbers. The message “Eat Less Murder Burgers, Fatso!” has been altered to one of food parts and science. The talk is of protein, fats, carbohydrates and sugars. And since no-one knows what they mean, we continue to stuff our faces.
The Times says the fast-food companies have said the calorie counts would “clutter menus and irritate customers who didn’t necessarily want to be confronted with the information”.
In Anorak’s experience it is quite the opposite. When sat at an eatery it is all part of the experience to peruse the menu at one’s leisure.
Given the American addiction to choice in food – I’ll take a skinny Arabica over easy egg with malted toast cut into rhombuses and smeared with a millimetre of Arabian bee honey and twist of sexed Ghanaian kumquat – we encourage the city of New York to go further.
Why not list also the pH formula of the tables and chairs, the kind of wood that made the natural balancing napkins, the chef’s carbon footprint and if the stomach pump uses organic water?
It’s what the free market is all about…
THE top ten weapons in film:
1. Lightsabre (Star Wars)
2. .44 Magnum (Dirty Harry)
3. Bullwhip (Indiana Jones)
4. Samurai sword (Kill Bill)
5. Chainsaw (Texas Chainsaw Massacre)
6. Golden Gun (James Bond – The Man With The Golden Gun)
7. Bow and arrow (Robin Hood)
8. Machine gun (Scarface)
9. The Death Star (Star Wars)
10. Bowler hat (James Bond – Goldfinger)
FRED THOMPSON: “Today I have withdrawn my candidacy for President of the United States. I hope that my country and my party have benefited from our having made this effort. Jeri and I will always be grateful for the encouragement and friendship of so many wonderful people.”
ANORAK has just learnt of a book called Sex Lies And Sellotape – confessions of a mum…
We await the arrival of our tome Fashionably Latte…
FILE SHARING is not stealing:
Whenever you rent a movie, the multinational media industry forces you to watch their propaganda. They claim that [downloading movies is the same as snatching bags, stealing cars or shoplifting]. That’s simply not true – making a copy is fundamentally different from stealing.
The media industry has failed to offer viable legal alternatives and they will fail to convince consumers that sharing equals stealing. Unfortunately, they have succeeded in another area – lobbying to adapt laws to criminalize sharing, turning consumers into criminals. They argue that their laws are necessary to [support artists], but in reality all they’re protecting is their own profits.
The Greens in Europe and worldwide has been opposing these laws. We believe that consumers are willing to pay if offered good quality at a fair price. We also believe that sharing is expanding culture – not killing it.
To protest against the faulty propaganda from the industry, we made our own film. The difference is – you can choose whether you want to watch this one.
COULD you present on a home shopping channel? Could you be happy all day long? Could you sell such utter crap and behave like a talking Argos catalogue?
GUESS the film, as described on a Christian guidance site:
14 “People are cruel and insulting about a teenage girl’s weight, a woman’s weight, the size of a teenage girl’s nose, etc, in many scenes. Teenage boys and girls dance with suggestive hip movements and one thrusts her hips and smacks herself on the buttock and says, ‘I’m a bad girl and must be punished.’ A woman sings about having had sex with judges to win a competition and in a later scene refers to risking communicable diseases.”
Answer after the jump
The New American Dictionary is a humorous, provocative book that calls for readers to pay attention to the ways in which terminology of fear, security and war have permeated American English post-9/11.
Terms in the dictionary include: Islamofascist, Freedom Fries, Friendly Fire, Regime Change, Smart Bomb, Surge, and 62 more…
WAR on terror and more…
BRITBLOG – as compiled by Liberal England:
These days it isn’t enough just to type. Gavin Whenman offers the latest Realpolitik Podcast and Tim Ireland makes his submission on the Serious Organised Crime and Police Act in the form of a slide show with sound.
Writing from a less technological age when a copier breakdown involved a sobbing monk, Archbishop Cranmer is not impressed with the idea of Tony Blair as President of Europe.
And from another planet, some would say, Melanie Phillips thinks the mainstream media have ignored the story of the century: an Al Qaeda plot to assassinate the Queen. Meanwhile Ben Brogan points to Tory Confusion over Northern Rock.
Justin McKeating (who seems to be having problems with his Chicken Yoghurt blog) writes on Chicken Backup about the huge waste of money that was Peter Hain’s deputy leadership campaign (he finished fifth):
It would take the vast majority of people decades to earn these sums. Hain threw about more cash in order to polish his ego than a lot of people’s houses are worth. He thought two hundred grand was a price worth paying to get people to like him a bit more than they did Hazel Blears. How hard can that be for God’s sake? When you look at the breakdown of the deputy leadership vote, you’d bet Gary Glitter could have beaten Blears with no grander inducements offered than a couple of rounds of drinks and a bag of crisps.
Gavin’s Gaily Gigest writes on party funding. And, inspired by the news that Helena Bonham-Carter has purchased the former home of her great grandfather H. H. Asquith, Eaten by Missionaries looks at the homes of other Liberal prime ministers.
Paul Linford would love it if Kevin Keegan brought success to Newcastle United again.
St. Aidan to Abbey Manor points out that we now have a stupid attitude to risk: “It’s either obsessive safety, or extreme sports.”
English Buildings spots a pleasing architectural detail in Leicester Square, marking the former office of Wisden, the cricketers’ bible.
And Amused Cynicism discovers that owners of vintage Ford cars cannot use photos of their own vehicles without being sued by the man.
I thought that would wake you up.
The Burning Times gives Richard Littlejohn a well-deserved hoofing.
My London, Your London reviews a play in which the women of the Old Testament finally get their revenge.
And Philobiblon looks at the prostitution laws in New Zealand and Sweden.
A nice broad category to take in all the other nominations.
Let’s begin with Archaeoastronomy, who tells us that a funding freeze could damage what is possibly the most successful heritage project of the past decade – the Portable Antiquities Scheme.
If all your friends are on Facebook, and your main way of interacting with them is via Facebook then you would have a big problem. But if you use it, as most people seem to, as just another tool, then it is hardly such an issue.
On this note, Diamond Geezer has just welcomed the first visitor of 2008 to his flat.
Back to all too tangible forms of media: Barkingside 21 reports on Project Freesheet, which is an attempt to make the publishers of the things pay for the mess they make.
The Daily (Maybe) discusses “the Third World” and similar labels: “my preference is to avoid terms that are essentially meaningless phrases designed to disguise the inequities of the world”.
And Peter Cranie decides that Liverpool is a European city. Maybe, but don’t its problems in recent decades stem from the fact that it is an Atlantic port?
THE New York Times tells us about Ramak Fazel, an American-Iranian artist living in Italy.
His mission was to photograph each of the nation’s 50 state capitol buildings and dispatch a postcard from each city, using postage stamps from a childhood collection. Each postcard would be mailed to the next state on his journey, where he would pick it up, continuing until he had gone full circle back to Indiana.
But there was a problem. On a flight from Sacramento, Calif., to Honolulu, Mr. Fazel described his project to a fellow passenger. He later discovered that she had reported him as suspicious — perhaps to the pilot or the Transportation Security Administration — and taken a picture of him as he slept.
Maybe it was because he was vaguely foreign looking, he reasoned, and his photographic endeavor seemed menacing in a post-9/11 landscape. He also had a three-day growth of beard, he recalled. And, although Mr. Fazel grew up mostly in the United States and is an American citizen, there was his Iranian name.
In his view that woman’s report began a chain reaction, turning him into a person of interest for officials from local law enforcement agencies on up to the F.B.I. On a stop in Annapolis, Md., for example, he was interrogated about his activities and read his Miranda rights. Today, he said, his name lingers on what he thinks of simply as the “the list.” (He doesn’t know where it originated or who controls it.) He believes it has prevented him from receiving a visa to India and caused him be questioned at the border of Poland, both of which he had visited in the past. He said he has been interrogated the last four times he has entered the United States.
Paranoia at work, or just safety first? And isn’t everyone grilled and insulted by the obnoxious US security drones?
Fancy being Jackson Pollock? A game for artists
Says the former glamour model: “I feel I need a miracle now – I’m scared I’m dying.”
Page 3 girls never die, of course, they merely find God, pets and a presenting job on Nuts TV.
But Jo is changed. This is the Star’s “exclusive” (based on Guest’s appearance on GMTV and the Mirror’s “Bloated Jo Guest says illness has ruined her life”). Fans will be shocked to see that her platinum blonde hair is now dark. Some will be unable to look.
Things are so bad that “Jo has been reduced to selling her G-strings and other modelling items on her website and on eBay.” The Anorak has often wondered if such items truly are the model’s own are or just bought in a job lot and warmed on the radiator or on the hands of a burley packer before being dispatched to “frantic of Solihull”?
Says Jo: “I’ve had a CT scan and blood tests. I’m desperate for a diagnosis. I first noticed bloating around my stomach. I was doing a job and a dress I’d been wearing started to feel tight.”
Perhaps she could sell the dress to a helpful fan?
She continues: “And then some boots that I was wearing – my calves started to swell. During the day my stomach would get quite hard, then I would get really tired and my muscles were weakening. There was drowsiness and confusion, then it went into nausea and sickness.”
This is clearly a major cause for concern, especially for Jo. Interestingly: “The bug came on at a time when the one-time Daily Star agony aunt had adopted a new, healthy lifestyle. Says Jo: “I’d stopped drinking and smoking, I was having my five fruit and veg a day and started jogging.”
And there you have it – a cautionary tale for not only aspiring glamour models but each and every one of us…
A RINGSIDE seat for Fart Man:
Britain’s got talent…
Jewish communal leaders also believe that another element might be at work. Sultan [a local Jewish leader] noted that Tarek al Assaimi, a former far-left student leader whose father was the representative of Saddam Hussein’s Baath party in Venezuela, is the deputy Interior and Justice minister in charge of internal security and, as such, could have been involved in initiating the raid.
The son of one of Saddam’s diplomats is “in charge of internal security” for Chavez? (h/t Contentions)
“ANTARCTIC volcanoes identified as a possible culprit in glacier melting,” says the International Herald Tribune.
In an article published Sunday on the Web site of the journal Nature Geoscience, Hugh Corr and David Vaughan of the British Antarctic Survey report the identification of a layer of volcanic ash and glass shards frozen within an ice sheet in western Antarctica.
“This is the first time we have seen a volcano beneath the ice sheet punch a hole through the ice sheet” in Antarctica, Vaughan said.
So let us get this right: hot volcanoes beneath the cold ice might be melting the cold ice and creating water?
Who says the science is flawed?
SWEDISH newspaper Expressen.se says police suspect that a team of thieves are using small people hidden in hockey bags and placed in the cargo holds of buses to rob passengers ‘luggage.Passengers observe the big hockey bags being removed to waitings cars. Bags left behind ahve vlauabvles missing. (See Shanghai “trunk man”). Link (Swedish) Via
Experts Agree: Al Qaeda Leader Dead Or Alive…
“Ministers are concerned that many older children shun healthy school lunches for junk food, while younger pupils use ‘pester power’ to force their parents to buy them unhealthy snacks on the way home.”
Odd that this Government wants to curtail choice; choice is the mantra for all the main political parties. Odder still that the Government should want to stop children walking to the shops and buying cheap protein.
Perhaps the thinking is that if the fast food shops are removed further from the schools the nippers will have to walk further and so burn off more fat?
Says Health Secretary, Alan Johnson: “Hazel Blears [the Community Secretary] and I will also look at how the planning system can help all areas by making sure that planning decisions promote physical activity with better use of the regulations that enable local authorities to limit the spread of fast food outlets especially near parks and schools.”
As such, we can expect the ice-cream van to less stop than slow to the proscribed 5mp, the Mr Whippy Pied Piper leading the fatties and potential fatties through the streets, his tinky-tonk Greensleeves cranked up to a fat-burning 120-plus beats per minute.
Any children fallen the wayside will be rolled into the road and used as speed calming devices, and objects of fun.
It’s joined-up Government…