We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.
JACQUI Smith is not all that bright:
I was listening to Jaqui Smith this morning on Today. It was almost pitiful to hear her being intellectually skewered by the presenter over the case for 42 days detention without trial. In the same way it would be almost mildly troubling to see Pol Pot wearing a set of park railings. Apparently, passing legislation to lock up people without trial for longer based on an assessment of potential risk nobody really agrees with is not ‘hypothetical.’ This is the sort of gibberish which makes one long for the forensic clarity of John Prescott.
BIG Brother is on the telly. It is. Is! Is! Is!
Somone who knows someone who knows someone told us. Is!
But the contestants think everyone is watching.
As the Sun’s Ally Ross puts it: “We see Hollyoaks, they see Hollywood.”
And then we see the office block of the future….
ALFRED E. Neuman was a creation of MAD magazine. Right?
In “Campaigning for President: Memorabilia from the Nation’s Finest Private Collection,” by Jordan M. Wright. the author notes:
The image of Alfred E. Neuman was created more than thirty years before MAD magazine adopted him as a mascot and gave him his name. Originally, anti-Roosevelt ads used him to demonstrate the obliviousness of Roosevelt’s supporters.
(Wikipedia has a lot to say about Neuman’s slow drift through the culture.)
SOUTHWEST Airlines will soon start testing satellite-delivered broadband Internet access on four of its planes.
BARACK Obama: I’m Not a Muslim! Forward This to Everyone You Know.
Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama launched an online viral counteroffensive Tuesday against persistent e-mail chain letters that lie about his religious and political background. But history suggests that the effort might backfire, according to experts in urban myths and folklore.
“The principle is that a very strong denial makes some people think: ‘Uh huh, we knew it. If he’s taken the trouble to make such a strong denial, there must be some truth to it,'” says Bill Ellis, a professor at Pennsylvania State University who studies contemporary folklore and popular cultural responses to societal events like the 9/11 attacks.
You deny and look like you care…
THE title of the 22nd James Bond film is… Quantum of Solace
JACK Nicholson’s 30 orgasms a week
A FRENCH banking disaster?
Société Générale, France’s second-biggest bank, has revealed that one of its traders in Paris had committed a 5bn euro (£3.6bn/$7.1bn) fraud.
A list of recent monster banking frauds.
SAYS Peter Hain on his official website:
….to my new website which explains what I am doing as MP for Neath, and as Secretary of State for Work and Pensions and Wales
Things move fast on the information motorway. And faster still in politics…
PETER HAIN on the Anorak Forums: On July 24, 1964 a time bomb was placed in the Johannesburg railway station and exploded during the evening rush hours. The blast killed one, a woman pensioner, and severely wounded more than twenty others. It later emerged Frederick John Harris, a teacher and member of the African Resistance Movement, was responsible.
He was charged with murder and two counts of sabotage. Harris was convicted and sentenced to death.
He was hanged…and who allegedly read out the eulogy for the terrorist who had hidden behind a pillar to watch the effects of his work?
It was a 16-year-old boy…his name….yup! Peter Hain. He read the piece because his mother and father were both banned persons under that strict Nationalist regime of the day. They left Southern Africa for the UK very shortly after that.
Now IF it was the same Pater Hain I don’t think his part in praising an executed terrorist figures very highly on his CV. It was never mentioned around the time of the London tube incidents either. If it is the same Peter Hain that is.
It is a big if. And this is all alleged…
THE Virgin Galactic Spaceship is on its way.
It will be changing at Crewe and due to staff shortages etc. etc. etc…
THE Carbon Trust says: “With all his money he [David Beckham] should be using it at least to reduce his own footprint. He has more freedom of choice when it comes to methods of traveling. He could also choose greener cars.”
As Anorak noted: “During a four-month period over the summer, he was reported to have spent at least eight full days in the air.”
According to Soccer America daily, with reference to data provided by the British environmental group Carbon Trust, the Los Angeles Galaxy superstar is responsible for 163 tons of carbon dioxide yearly — compare that to the normal 9.4 tons the average Englishman produces.
Beckham’s Carbon Footprint — a measure of the impact human activities have on the environment in terms of the amount of green house gases produced, measured in units of carbon dioxide — may be the largest in human history.
David is unavailable for comment. although those who have heard him speak say he has stopped breathing carbon and in favour of a Beckham branded oxygen-helium blend…
AS noted: Hain Day is also the day Mandelson resigned in 2001. And, oddly enough, when Leon Brittan resigned in 1986, so maybe 2008 will see another ministerial scalp, on the basis of a closing of seven years in the gap between resignations.
And the day Caligula was assassinated.
MORE division in the poker world – and more marketing opportunities.
The Casino Anorak spots the Women’s Poker Hall of Fame.
The first four women to be inducted into this corridor of power are Linda Johnson, Susie Isaacs, Barbara Enright and Marsha Waggoner.
All the woman are decent poker players.
But they are not good enough to make it into the Poker Hall of Fame – the one which does not discriminate on terms of gender.
It’s Pounds for Pounds. And if the fatties pound the pavement and run it’s Pounds For Pounds For Pounds.
Sadly, the initiative already has a name – Healthy Weight, Healthy Lives – and is under the auspices of the Well@Work scheme.
The Telegraph says that one competition, called The Biggest Loser, awarded £130 in gift vouchers for the participant who lost the most weight.
This is just the start.
Companies should be encouraged to flag their interests, perhaps replacing the Ltd and PLC parts of their names with something to reveal that their clinically obese staff have signed up to the scheme.
What about [company name] FAT or FLAB (Fat Loser Aerobic Business)?
And there are are the belly ads…
MORE news on former glamour model Jo Guest, who has been “hit by a mystery virus”.
The encouraging news is that Anorak is freshly returned from a visit to the local enthusiast’s book shop and can say that there is work out there for Guest if she puts the hard yards in.
Unmarried and therefore barred from entering the pages of Readers’ Wives, Guest could feature in Dirty At 30, Naked And Sick, and TV Quick.
“GET WELL SOON JO,” says the Star. And there is a selection of readers’ messages for her to convalesce over.
- “2 Jo, aaw, c’mere Beautiful, jus wana hug u, n hug u, n hug u coz ul NEVER stop b’in Lovely!” – Jeff
- “if jo guest needs sex id be happy to oblige” – the real bigal (name and address on application)
- “u stil look ok 2 me jo and if u want it come up to Cumbria! Take care jo” – guest fan
- “tell jo not to worry. I have same symptoms (exhaustion, bloated, sick). Doctor has told me it is just stress and indigestion and gave tablets” – felicityf
Jo cannot be anything but buoyed by those messages. And should like to says “fank u”…
WRITES Jay Rosen:
But when actual facts are used in the construction of news fictions — and reports about the moves to be made in Hillaryland after Obama won Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina were precisely that, a news fiction — your story can be accurate, well-edited, within genre conventions, and, at the same time, deeply un-informational, not to mention wrong. In fact, accurate news about the race that subtracts from our understanding of it is one of the quirky features of chronic mindlessness in campaign media.
No-one wants to go against the grain and stand out. It’s like football pundits who also say a game willbe close and never “They’re gonna get murdered – 6-0″….
AHMADINEJAD to visit Iraq…:
BAGHDAD (Reuters) – President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has accepted an invitation to visit Baghdad, Iraq’s Foreign Ministry said on Wednesday, a landmark trip that would make him the first leader of Iran to visit its former foe.
Iran and Iraq fought an eight-year war in the 1980s in which hundreds of thousands were killed, but relations have improved since Saddam Hussein was ousted in the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in 2003 and a Shi’ite Islamist-led government came to power.
…with an entrouage of 35,000 armed men…
BILL Clinton is running:
CHARLESTON, SC—After spending two months accompanying his wife, Hillary, on the campaign trail, former president Bill Clinton announced Monday that he is joining the 2008 presidential race, saying he “could no longer resist the urge.”
“My fellow Americans, I am sick and tired of not being president,” said Clinton, introducing his wife at a “Hillary ’08” rally. “For seven agonizing years, I have sat idly by as others experienced the joys of campaigning, debating, and interacting with the people of this great nation, and I simply cannot take it anymore. I have to be president again. I have to.”
Run, Bill run! No, this way…
THE Government-funded School Food Trust wants to reintroduce cooking lessons into the school curriculum.
Of course, this has already been done via Jamie’s School Dinners. Jamie Oliver is the Essex lad who points at a working class man’s dinner and goes “Ugh!”.
Oliver invited us to do it at a school. Urg! And then again at a chicken farm. Urg!!
It is of course not all Oliver’s fault. He needs approval from on high; he needs the politicians to buy into celebrity and believe in the power of telly.
Indeed, so intoxicating is celebrity that the Government has launched its own cook book…
“I’VE not had no sex for a year cos I look like Vicky Pollard,” says Jo Guest, the former glamour model now struggling with weight gain.
We say chins up, Jo.
Pollard is only a fictional character on the telly. But Pollard’s character suggests that she does have sex and requires no more than a relatively flat surface, an alcohol-based lubricant and an insignificant other to sate her needs.
Better times lie ahead…
“BRITAIN’S MUSLIMS ARE TOO EXTREME – Says Iraq’s deputy prime minister after visit to Blackburn mosque”
Can you be a “too extreme” Muslim, particularly in the Express?
The front-page headline suggests that you can.
Indeed, so extreme can you be that even the deputy leader of Iraq thinks you are too extreme – and when it comes to spotting extreme Muslims he is up there with the Daily Express…
He also produced the “world’s hottest curry,” called Curry Hell:
In the chaos of the days leading up to the actual destruction of the wall and the fall of East Germany’s communist government, frantic Stasi agents sent trucks full of documents to the Papierwolfs and Reisswolfs — literally “paper-wolves” and “rip-wolves,” German for shredders. As pressure mounted, agents turned to office shredders, and when the motors burned out, they started tearing pages by hand — 45 million of them, ripped into approximately 600 million scraps of paper.
There’s no way to know what bombshells those files hide. For a country still trying to come to terms with its role in World War II and its life under a totalitarian regime, that half-destroyed paperwork is a tantalizing secret.
The machine-shredded stuff is confetti, largely unrecoverable. But in May 2007, a team of German computer scientists in Berlin announced that after four years of work, they had completed a system to digitally tape together the torn fragments. Engineers hope their software and scanners can do the job in less than five years — even taking into account the varying textures and durability of paper, the different sizes and shapes of the fragments, the assortment of printing (from handwriting to dot matrix) and the range of edges (from razor sharp to ragged and handmade.) “The numbers are tremendous. If you imagine putting together a jigsaw puzzle at home, you have maybe 1,000 pieces and a picture of what it should look like at the end,” project manager Jan Schneider says. “We have many millions of pieces and no idea what they should look like when we’re done.”
SO dominate is the polar bear that it is now used to illustrate the curent economic climate.
While some may prefer a sloth bear, Matt Drudge uses a roaring polar bear.