Anorak

News | Anorak - Part 492

News Category

We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.

John Edwards: Je Confess

JOHN Edwards, has used the non-denial denial in regard to an affair with one Rielle Hunter’s and the child it – get this – allegedly produced. Says honest John:

Two years ago I made a very serious mistake, a mistake that I am responsible for and no one else. In 2006, I told Elizabeth about the mistake, asked her for her forgiveness, asked God for his forgiveness. And we have kept this within our family since that time.”

Does God get a vote?

In 2006, I made a serious error in judgment and conducted myself in a way that was disloyal to my family and to my core beliefs.”He also said, “In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic. If you want to beat me up — feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself.”

So there is no point in trying. But the child. The child is not mine:

He denied fathering a daughter, born to the woman with whom he had the affair, and offered to be tested to prove it. A former Edwards campaign staff member professes to be the father.

Who believes him?

Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Almighty Supremebeing Allah Is Arrested

POLICE Log – Anorak’s look at crime in the news…

ALMIGHTY Supremebeing Allah was arrested by members of the East Central Narcotics Task Force.

Almighty Supremebeing Allah is aid to have refused to stop for a marked police car.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (7) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Make Junk Mail Work For You

CREATIVE ways with junk mail.

ProQuo’s Top 10 Creative Responses To Junk Mail has lots of good ideas for meatspace spam (making venetian blinds is a particularly good one). My favorite junkmail hack is to just write DECEASED on the envelope and put it back in the mail. Top 10 Creative Responses To Junk Mail (via Craft)

Source

Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Chinese Man Kills American In Beijing

IN Beijing, the Terracotta Army is being awakened by synchronised drumming. Russia in on the march. And while the world looks one way:

A Chinese man killed an American tourist in Beijing and wounded two other people before committing suicide, the Beijing Municipal Government reported. The attack took place at noon today on the second level of the Drum Tower, a popular attraction, as the Olympic Games got into full swing.

One question: Was killer Tang Yongming smiling?

Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Waterboard Thrill Ride

ROLL up. Roll over. Open your mouth and say “AAAAHHHHH!”. It’s Steve Powers’s ‘Waterboard Thrill Ride’ in Coney Island.

Push a dollar into the slot. Peer through the metal bars. Marvel as a hooded man pours refreshing water up the nose and in the mouth of a figure in an orange jumpsuit.

Wonder at the reality as OJ man writhes for a full 15 seconds.

“It don’t Gitmo better!”

Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Making Online News Like Offline News

MAKING Online News is a book about online news. And bloggers are behaving like hacks. Writes Paul at OJ:

I’ve recently been reading ‘Making Online News‘ a book of ethnographic studies of online news production. Tucked towards the back of the book is a chapter called The Routines of Blogging by Wilson Lowrey and John Latta. It is one of the few studies I’ve read to look not at journalists, but at the work practices of bloggers – specifically, political bloggers.

And their findings support what I’ve increasingly suspected: “the more relevant bloggers become in terms of audience and influence, the more their production routines resemble those of professional journalists.”

Copy the tried and tested…

Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Violence Erupts On Neighbours’ Set

IN Melbourne the air is thick with fear and anticipation. Writes The Age:

Rising temperatures are likely to bring increased levels of violence to Melbourne by 2010, and are highly likely to by 2030, a report being considered by the city council finds.

2010: Neighbours, the Australian slice-of-life soap set in Melbourne, where everyone is white, everyone is nice, and every jogs along, will erupt in a flurry of ultra violence.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Converations With A Google Street Cams Spook

GOOGLE is watching you. Oh, brave new world:

  • Google has a centre in Milton Keynes where this operation was based in. The drivers just showed up for “a driving job” (his words) and didn’t know it was for Google until the arrived to pick up the cars.
  • Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Police Log: The Cheetos Bandits

IN St. Paul, USA, police followed a trail of Cheetos dust to three teenagers suspected of burglarizing a vending machine.

Officers were called to the Arlington Recreation Center on July 29, where they found a vending machine’s glass had been broken with a chair.

Most of the candy and chips were missing, according to a criminal complaint in Ramsey County District Court.

The officers followed the orange, dusty trail from the rec center, around the side of the building and to a nearby home. Inside, they found numerous vending-sized bags of Cheetos and other snacks.

All three yellow handed yooths deny the allegation…

Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Global Warming And I

TO the Jakarta Post – “The Journal Of Indonesia Today” – where Ketut Sudra is musing on global warming. He is organising an art exhibition at the city’s Sultan Hotel. The main theme is global warming:

“Global warming is undoubtedly one of the most important problems of the contemporary world. Global warming defies all of the world’s traditional boundaries, including geographical, racial, gender and religious boundaries. Global warming has bound the whole human race with a universal rope of fear and anxiety”

We’re hanging by a thread:

“It means global warming has not only posed a grave danger to the artists’ primary sources of inspiration—the beauty of nature and the splendor of culture—but also to the lives of the artists themselves as members of the human race.”

First they come for the global, warming artists…

Spotter: Ed. B

Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Turkistan Islamic Party Threatens Olympics

Turkistan Islamic Party is doomed:

Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Nuts: Name A Taliban Lads Mag

MICHAEL Gove makes oppotunistic comment. He gets headlines. He triggers debate. We all realise what he does. James Brown counters:

These magazines are designed to provide a weekly splash of fantasy: a world of wags, gags, lads and shags. They are irresponsible, short-term and narrow in their understanding of relationships because their purpose is to offer the reader a distraction from the stress of driving a van or fighting the Taleban.

Better yet, make the Taliban read lads mags with an air drop. Nuts, Front, FHM (Florida Holocaust Museum) and Loaded seem oddly appropriate title…

What would a Taliban lad’s mag be called?

Tally-ho!

Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (56) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Iran Waits For Nuclear Weapons

IRAN has been waiting to go nuclear for some time:

Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


How To Solve The Pension Crisis

…GIVE the old a reson to leave the country?

Since October 2004, every British citizen born on or before 2 September 1929 has been exempt from application or renewal fees for UK passports in recognition of the bravery of both veterans and civilians during World War II“.

With me luck as you wave me goodbye… Toodle-Sips, Toodle-Peps, Cheerio…

Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


No Freedom Of Speech: Random House’s Tale Of Fighting and F*cking

HISTORY is sexy. History is exciting. Popular history proves that men in sandals can still pull nymphomaniacs, and that human life in all its ages is about fighting and fu**ing.

Now Sherry Jones has written a historical novel about Aisha, the young wife of the prophet Muhammad.

Random House was so turned on to the subject it bought the novel last year in a $100,000, two-book deal. The Wall Street Journal says Jones was “ecstatic”.

The world would not be able to get enough of The Jewel of Medina – “a tale of lust, love and intrigue in the prophet’s harem”.

Peep through the gap in the tent flaps as Mohammad shows Aisha just how much he fancies her:

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (9) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Beijing Taxi Drivers Blow Whistle On Terrorists

IT’S back to the 1930s-style policing in Beijing:

Today, the front page of Information Times, a Guangzhou based newspaper, printed a big photo of a taxi driver in Guangzhou displaying his newly-acquired counter-terrorist equipment: a whistle.

According to the newspaper, over thirty thousand taxi drivers in Guangzhou have signed up to volunteer in a “Safe Olympic Monitor” campaign. Volunteer monitors, who are mostly bus and taxi drivers, are required to report any suspicious incidents to the police immediately. Each of them was issued a whistle so they can blow it as well as call the 110 emergency number.

Source

Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Behind You: Abu Hamza Is Here To Stay

WHEN Anorak learned that Abu Hamza was on his way to the US, we looked back over the career of the UK’s resident Islamic nutter and wondered if we’d miss him.

With mad mullah Omar Bakri gone to Lebanon, Hamza, though in jail, was in our jail. He remained our wire-bearded, gurning loon, the face of militant Islam we could all recoil at.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Pakistan’s President Pervez Musharraf Impeached, Goes To China

ALL change in the War on Terror:

Pakistan’s embattled President Pervez Musharraf is to be impeached and forced to step down, it has been confirmed. The announcement will be made at a press conference later today.

In the early hours of this morning, the leaders of Pakistan’s main coalition parties, Asif Ali Zardari and Nawaz Sharif agreed to impeach the president and restore dozens of judges fired by him last year.

Maybe Pakistan can boom like India…

Or like China

Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf on Wednesday decided to visit the Beijing Olympic Games despite media reports that the ruling coalition has agreed on steps to remove him.

Maybe he’ll stay there…

Source

And

Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Police Log: Too Fat To Die And Mummy Killed Daddy

POLICE LOG: Crime in the news…

CONVICTED rapist and murderer too fat to die:

A death row inmate scheduled for execution in October says he’s so fat that Ohio executioners would have trouble finding his veins and that his weight could diminish the effectiveness of one of the lethal injection drugs.

Lawyers for Richard Cooey argue in a federal lawsuit that Cooey had poor veins when he faced execution five years ago and that the problem has been worsened by weight gain.

They cite a document filed by a prison nurse in 2003 that said Cooey had sparse veins and that executioners would need extra time.

“When you start the IV’s come 15 minutes early,” wrote the nurse who examined Cooey. “I don’t have any veins.”

Mummy’s Home:

Mary Winkler, the woman convicted of voluntary manslaughter in the 2006 shooting death of her minister husband, has taken custody of her three daughters, one of her lawyers said Monday.

Rachael Putnam, a custody attorney, said the former minister’s wife picked the girls up Friday from the slain man’s parents, Dan and Diane Winkler.

Says her lawyer:

“It should be seen as a sign that the family is healing,” Putnam said of the custody arrangement. “It’s a good thing for everyone.”

Everyone? Daddy…

Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Italy Sets Its Troops On The Immigrants

ITALY’S troops are on teh streets. Why?

Writes EU Ref:

I don’t think anyone is under any illusions – apart from the British media – as to why Berlusconi has put 3,000 armed troops on the streets of major Italian cities.

Ostensibly a measure to “help cut down crime”, something claimed by both interior minister Roberto Maroni and his defence colleague Ignazio La Russo, this is nothing more than a fig-leaf, the Italians themselves being very well aware that most of the crime in Italy is Mafia-related, which will be untouched by this “crack-down”.

If for “crime”, however, you read “immigrants” – and in particular, the Roma – then the agenda becomes clearer, as does the timescale.

Coming on the back of the programme to fingerprint the inhabitants of the 700 or so immigrant encampments dotted around the major cities, the next move comes in October, when the “census” is finished, when the government plans to dismantle all remaining unauthorised settlements.

That the troops have been put on the streets now, with a deployment that is scheduled to last for an initial period of six months, is clearly – on the one hand – a pre-emptive strike, as unease grows at the scale of the “census”, and – on the other – a preparation for the major upheaval that is to follow in a couple of months.

It is no coincidence, therefore, that in the main, the troops are being stationed mainly in or close to the camps and at the growing number of immigrant holding centres, all on the outskirts of the cities.

When the bulldozers move in during October – as indeed is planned – there is undoubtedly going to be trouble, as upwards of 160,000 gypsies are going to be targeted, even though up to three-quarters of them are Italian citizens.

That this “pogrom” will have the support of the bulk of Italian people is evidenced by a recent incident in Naples (pictured) when the bodies of two Roma girls who had drowned in the sea were left covered with towels while beachgoers continued to sunbathe.

Comparisons are now being made between this government’s action and the census of Jews carried out by Benito Mussolin in 1938, the beginning of a process that put many of them in concentration camps. The Italian government, of course, denies any such connection, but its actions display a rooted determination to clear out what are clearly considered unwelcome “guests”.

And all of this is going to present something of a problem for the “colleagues” in Brussels, who have been soft-peddling on their condemnation of the Rome government’s action. When the troops go into action for real, however, even the EU is going to find it difficult to turn a blind eye. Unless it takes a firm line – where Italy leads, other member states will want to follow.

It’s racism. It’s bigotry. It’s wrong…

Source

Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (13) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Germany Gets The Bullet-Proof Bra

GERMAN policewomen, and policemen, have tken delivery of a new bullett- proof bra:

It is being dubbed the new “bullet-proof bra”, a new kind of Wonderbra which could help protect thousands of women police officers here in Germany.

It may sound like a joke, but this is a serious matter – the policewoman who came up with the idea said normal bras can be dangerous when worn in combination with a bullet-proof vest.

“The impact of a bullet can push the metal and plastic bits of the bra into an officer’s body, causing serious injury,” said Carmen Kibat, an adviser on equal opportunities for the Hamburg-based Bundespolizei – Germany’s federal police force.

“I always thought normal bras posed a safety risk and I wanted to change that,” she said.

“These new bras are very important and they will help all our women officers.”

More:

Each German policewomen will get three of the bras.

Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (9) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Can You Guess Where My Accent Is From?

GUESS the accent….

Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Richard Branson’s Virgin On The Bollock

RICHARD Branson has a beard. That means she can be trusted:

The Virgin boss’s much trumpeted pledge of €1.9bn to tackle global warming is nothing but smoke and mirrors.

In September 2006, Virgin boss Richard Branson pledged €1.9 billion towards tackling global warming. For the next ten years, he announced, the profits from his aviation and rail businesses would go towards combating the biggest, most complex problem that mankind has ever faced.

The promise earned Branson headlines around the world. Media outlets carried photos of him, Bill Clinton and Al Gore at a Clinton Global Initiative press conference in New York. Adults, Branson solemnly told the assembled media, had a duty to pass a ‘‘pristine’’ planet on to the next generation. Politicians and campaigners were effusive in their praise for his imagination and generosity.

However, a look at the not-very-small print revealed that this amazing gesture would not be a matter of taking the profits from Branson’s polluting industries and using them to protect vast tracts of the Amazon.

In fact, the money would go to a new division of the Virgin conglomerate, called Virgin Fuel. Branson was simply gearing himself up to make more money. But as always, the PR spin was that he’d be doing the rest of us a favour in the process.

Tycoon makes money – read all about it!

Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Buried In Plymouth Argyle Coffin: Pete Strike RIP

OLD Mr Anorak’s first wife’s uncle has passed away. He was buried – all true – in a coffin bedecked and painted in the colours of Plymouth Argle Football Club.

Peter Strike – RIP…

Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: News | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Get Bono To Retire: Mr G8 Must Go

THE OBJECTIVE of the petition:

To get Bono to retire from public life (so he’ll stop leading misguided counter-productive philanthropy efforts) ….and, simultaneously…. to make a huge donation to fight AIDS

The Pitch:

Bono’s philanthropy efforts are self-righteous, ineffective, & counter-productive.

The RED campaign has managed to spend $40 million more on marketing that it has raised from RED product sales, while sending consumers a dangerous message. Read more

Many involved in the global fight against AIDS worry that RED will make it harder to raise funds, and that the oversimplified & disempowered image of Africa that Bono perpetuates. , as exemplified in these incredibly condescending lyrics from the Band Aid Xmas song Bono helped create, obscures and undermines the assets African nations must focus on to defeat AIDS and poverty.

The grassroots leaders of the global fight against AIDS didn’t ask for Bono to be their frontman. Its time for Bono to step down. We’ll all pledge donations to the Global Fund, but no pledges are collected until Bono retires from public life. If he wants to moan bland melodies he’ll have to do it quietly in his bedroom. If he want to fight AIDS he can make a direct donation instead of buying a sweatshop GAP T-shirt. As the pledges grow, Bono will have to decide what matters more, fighting AIDS effectively, or him being the movement’s frontman.

Mr G8 – what will the world do..?

Source

Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: News | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0