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“HORSHAM, England, Nov. 19 A British man was rushed to the hospital after his monster yawn locked his jaw, blocking his ability to breathe or swallow.”
Ben Shire, 34, was making a cup of tea to keep awake when he yawned, dislocating his jaw. He fell to the floor, unable to breathe or swallow, the Daily Telegraph reported. As he was choking on his own spit, Shire’s wife called emergency services, which was able to resuscitate him by suctioning.
“We can laugh about it now, but it wasn’t funny at the time,” Shire, from Horsham, said. “I couldn’t breathe because I was choking — it felt like two fingers down my throat. The more I panicked, the more I struggled for breath.”
Best not to watch I’m A Celebrity for a while – just to be on the safe side
News reaches the Casino Anorak that flyers aboard British Airways, Cathay Pacific, Singapore Airlines and Virgin Airlines jets will soon be playing bingo.
Last year, passengers aboard Delta Airlines were invited to play Texas Hold ‘Em, but only on US domestic flights. With US protectionionism rife, BA and Singapore Airlines are prevented from offering the service on flights into and out of America.
But let’s play. And what with the current security situation, we need a new lingo for the bingo. Eyes down:
Is that gun? – number one
Blame the Jew – number two
WMD – number three
Shock and awe – number four
Bin Laden alive – number five
Hans Blix – number six
Virgins in heaven – number seven
Free Kuwait – number 8
Rumsfeld’s line – number 9
Al Qaeda’s den – number 10
PRESS RELEASE OF THE DAY: “The Samanda brand looks set to sweep Britain like an unstoppable pink tide, with the girls having made an incredible £1million already!”
Run! But it’s no use…
“They have already secured huge deals including their own fragrance ‘Samanda by young and pure’, their fitness video ‘Samanda – The Twins: Dance Workout’ and a teenage skincare range.
But teenagers smell of fags, Malibu and Witch Hazel…
Commenting on the fragrance, the twins said:
“We’re so excited to have our own perfume! The packaging features the same picture as our Barbie CD cover so it should be really easy to find on the shelves! We hope you enjoy wearing it as much as we do!”
Barbie smells of moulded plastic and – should you set fire to her – burning hair…
AS reported on Forbes: “Brown wants meeting with UK retailers to ‘eliminate’ plastic bags”
Says Brown: “All over the country campaigns are forming to get rid of disposable plastic bags – one of the most visible symbols of environmental waste
“Every year in Britain, over 13 bln single-use carrier bags are distributed – over 10 bags a week for every household. In partnership with government the supermarkets have already committed to reduce the environmental impact of plastic bags by 25 pct over the next year”
HELLO Planet Hollywood!
Robert Earl and actor Bruce Willis at the opening of the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino
Earl and partners bought Las Vegas’s former Aladdin Hotel-Casino in 2004 for $800m.
Ah, the Aladdin, venue for Elvis and Priscilla Presley’s wedding, home to the Sinbad Lounge, and arabesques under a painted Arabian sky.
Class. Taste. None of it. This was Vegas at it most garish and fantastic.
The new casino is full of pieces of film memorabilia from Earl’s mammoth collection.
Look! There’s an animatronic waxwork that looks just like Sylvester Stallone. Bruce Willis is singing – who knew? Who wanted him to? Arnold Schwarzenegger, Andre Agassi and Pamela Anderson are in evidence. And that life-size statue of Barbra Streisand is remarkably real.
“This may well go down as the biggest showbiz weekend in Vegas history,” says celebrity journalist Robin Leach.
And if they can get a few more waxworks, it will be…
AS Dizzy notes: “Here be health and safety nonsense”:
Without a doubt this has to be a contender for silliest story of the month if true. According to a tiny column filler in the Times, the author Lindsey Gardiner has said that her publishing editors objected to a scene in one her books where a dragons toasted marshmallows by using the flames from its nose on the grounds that ‘it looked dangerous and went against health and safety’.
Update: Also in the Telegraph.
Another of her novels, When Poppy and Max Grow Up, initially included a scene where a little boy climbed a ladder, but that too was changed.
“They didn’t allow Max to be on a ladder because they thought it was precarious. But when I changed it, I had him standing on a pile of three paint cans, which is much more dangerous, and they didn’t have a problem with that,” she said.
Harry Potter made me wear glasses…
A VIRTUAL theft? A real crime or a though crime? Or a merging of the two?
A Dutch teenager has been arrested for allegedly stealing virtual furniture from “rooms” in Habbo Hotel, a 3D social networking website.The 17-year-old is accused of stealing 4,000 euros (£2,840) worth of virtual furniture, bought with real money.
Five 15-year-olds have also been questioned by police, who were contacted by the website’s owners.
The six teenagers are suspected of moving the stolen furniture into their own Habbo rooms.
A spokesman for Sulake, the company that operates Habbo Hotel, said: “The accused lured victims into handing over their Habbo passwords by creating fake Habbo websites.
“In Habbo, as in many other virtual worlds, scamming for other people’s personal information such as user names has been problematic for quite a while.
“We have had much of this scamming going on in many countries but this is the first case where the police have taken legal action.”
Do the police impound the stolen goods?
Robert Stewart – Bike Sex Man – is on the Register:
A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.
Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.
Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.
THE INDY: “A world dying, but can we unite to save it?”
AS reported: “Police hunting for Madeleine McCann are investigating a new sighting of a child spotted with the girlfriend of official suspect Robert Murat.
“A new witness has told detectives they saw Madeleine in Portugal two days after her disappearance, with a man and a woman.
“The witness is believed to have identified the woman as Mr Murat’s German-born girlfriend Michaela Walczuch”
THE horse and the cart in Romania. The EE is changing:
There are still an astonishing 750,000 carts registered in Romania as a whole. Yes, carts, not cars.
But now the horses and their owners are in trouble, and it seems they have nowhere to turn.
A new law which bans them and their wagons from all main roads because they are blamed for 10% of all road traffic accidents in the country, is a cruel blow, aimed by the bureaucrats in Bucharest at the solar plexus of their own peasantry.
What will become of the horses? And how will the Rogarians get around France…
Anorak’s polar bear monitoring service notices the creature on the Drudge Reports lead page.
As ever on the Drudge site, there is a link to someone else’s story.
And, as the newswires report: “The Earth is hurtling toward a warmer climate at a quickening pace… After five days of sometimes tense negotiations, the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change adopted its fourth and final report this year, along with a summary, on the science of climate change and the effects of human-produced greenhouse gases.”
As said of the report: “It lays out blueprints for avoiding the worst catastrophes—and various possible outcomes, depending on how quickly and decisively action is taken.”
The saying “If you want to make God laugh, show him your plans” counts for little among the Al Goreans.
And we watch with interest. For bears…
LIVE Earth! Do not read before 9pm. Notes the Indy:
The BBC has been accused of a “serious breach” of its guidelines for broadcasting swearing before the watershed at last summer’s Live Earth concert.
The Editorial Standards Committee of the BBC Trust warned that, in the future, the corporation would be expected to avoid a recurrence of bad language broadcast at live events. It also said an explanation given by BBC management to the audience over the swearing was “unacceptable”.
Madonna, Johnny Borrell, Chris Rock and Phil Collins all swore between 1.58pm and the end of the live show, prompting nearly 150 complaints. The word “fuck” was broadcast three times, and the words “motherfucking” and “fucking” were each broadcast once.
It’s Mother Fucking’ Nature, man…
But Welsh girl Rowan has been told that she does not fit in with New Zealand’s image and must loose weight if she is to enter, much less fit in.
Employing the rigours of the (Fit And Proper Person) Body Mass Index, a fat measurement system based on height and weight, Kiwis ordered Rowan and her portly husband Richie to run along and return fitter and more suited.
Richie ran. He lost the pounds. He retook the test. He passed. He scored a visa. And he left to start a new life in New Zealand.
And now Rowan has until Christmas to comply. If she fails Richie will return to Britain, as he says.
Says she: “The immigration department can’t afford to import people who are going to be a significant drain on our health resources.”
Now, as the Sun reports, Rowan is “weighting” to go.The only shame is that Mrs Trezise is not the subject of a docusoap, viewers looking on as “larger than life” Rowan is put though her paces by an American drill sergeant from Guantanamo Bay.
And our host, Les Dennis, says now he knows why Kiwi birds can’t get off the ground…
GORE wins a Nobel Prize. Gore wins an Oscar. Gore wins Florida (?). Bush beat him:
Former US vice president Al Gore will make a triumphant return to the White House on November 26 when US President George W. Bush honors US Nobel Prize winners, a Bush spokesman said Friday.
It will be Gore’s first time visiting Bush at the White House since the Republican took office in January 2001 after the flawed 2000 election pitting them against each other ended with a controversial US Supreme Court ruling.
White House spokesman Tony Fratto said Gore would be part of a group of five US Nobel laureates that Bush will welcome into the Oval Office.
Gore loses his way…
AS Tony Bennett writes on the Anorak Forums:
Thanks for support received yesterday. I shall need to withdraw from further posting on this forum about the case pending the Court’s decision on my application for a summons alleging the offence of child neglect (CYP Act 1933) against Gerry and Kate McCann
THREE blake men break into a house of a white man in California. And:
LAKEPORT, Calif. (AP) — Three young black men break into a white man’s home in rural Northern California. The homeowner shoots two of them to death – but it’s the surviving black man who is charged with murder.
In a case that has brought cries of racism from civil rights groups, Renato Hughes Jr., 22, was charged by prosecutors in this overwhelmingly white county under a rarely invoked legal doctrine that could make him responsible for the bloodshed.
“It was pandemonium” inside the house that night, District Attorney Jon Hopkins said. Hughes was responsible for “setting the whole thing in motion by his actions and the actions of his accomplices.”
Prosecutors said homeowner Shannon Edmonds opened fire Dec. 7 after three young men rampaged through the Clearlake house demanding marijuana and brutally beat his stepson. Rashad Williams, 21, and Christian Foster, 22, were shot in the back. Hughes fled.
Hughes was charged with first-degree murder under California’s Provocative Act doctrine, versions of which have been on the books in many states for generations but are rarely used
As Carmen writes in the Anorak Forums: “I’m trying to get my head round this and why we are morally superior to Saudia Arabia. Explanations from moral philosophers welcome”
DALLAS (AP) — A 23-year-old college student who was told by a Southwest Airlines employee that her outfit was too revealing to fly is wearing even less on Playboy’s Web site.
Kyla Ebbert appears in a series of pictures — some in lingerie, some nude — under the heading, “Legs in the Air.”
“They’re very tastefully done,” Ebbert told The Associated Press on Thursday. “I don’t see anything wrong with the female body.”
That’s her in the green. British women on a night (see Daily Mail) may mistake Ms Ebbert for a Muslim fundamentalist. But no.
FERGIE SEX TAPE?
Sir Alex? Mmphff!
The email headline says ”Fergie Sex Tape”.
It’s this Fergie… Or not…
CHRIS Eubank is wanted:
A judge has issued a warrant for the arrest of ex-boxer Chris Eubank after he failed to turn up to court over an unlawful protest in Whitehall. Eubank was charged after he tried to park his seven-tonne truck outside the gates to Downing Street in May in protest at UK policy in Iraq.
Eubank, 41, from Hove, East Sussex, was due to appear at City of Westminster Magistrates’ Court on Friday.
District Judge Mike Snow fined Eubank £500 in his absence.
The former world champion was also ordered to pay £380 costs. He has 14 days to pay.
STONED. Horny. Stoned. Looking for love. Looking for a puff?
Potpartner.com is here to fill a niche that we feel long been neglected. Potpartner.com is the culmination of an idea by its co-founders John A. and Richard K. Both are avid smokers of marijuana and have had to deal with the problems of being a smoker in a relationship with non smokers.
Problem is, who gets to stay in and who has to go out in the cold to the other one’s house…
AMERICAN magazine Us Weekly has published a shot of Lindsay Lohan at 13 and her sister, Ali Lohan, who is 13 now.
That’s Ali on the right, who looks a divorcee from the suburbs.
FINDING new and imaginative ways to work global warming into a story leads the Mail to Sahara the seal.
The clue is in the name, because Sahara, a hooded seal, has not been in the Arctic but off the coast of Morocco.
Found on a beach in Morocco, scientists took Sahara to the National Seal Sanctuary in Cornwall and fitted him with a satellite tracking system.
Once back in the water, the scientists were able to watch him swim to the coast of Spain.
Says the Mail: “Sahara’s latest trip south has baffled scientists, who are wondering whether global warming could be to blame.”
Such is man’s impact on nature and wildlife…
FROM the Anorak Forums news from Saudi Arabia. Writes AGW:
IT is good to see one country standing up for what is right and decency in general.
An appeal court in Saudi Arabia has doubled to 200 the number of lashes and added a jail sentence as punishment for a woman who was gang-raped…14 times.
Clearly all her fault and caused by the provocative way she sat inside a parked car.
The victim was held to have violated laws on segregation of the sexes – she was in an unrelated man’s car at the time of the attack.
The appeal judges said she and her lawyer had been attempting to use the media to influence them.
The attackers’ sentences – originally of up to five years – were also doubled.
The 19-year-old woman, from Saudi Arabia’s Shia minority, was gang-raped 14 times and
seven men from the majority Sunni community were found guilty of the rape and sentenced to prison terms ranging from just under a year to five years. The death penalty was available.
The victim’s lawyer was suspended from the case, has had his licence to work confiscated, and faces disciplinary procedures. (Tongue cut out? Limb lopped off? Tetes kebabed?)
Perhaps the Saudi king will intervene and stop all this nonsense by having this evil, tainted, pariah of a complaining female stoned to death.
SAYS Madeleine McCann witness Jane Tanner on the BBC’s Panorama: The Mystery of Madeleine McCann : “I know what I saw and I think it’s important that people know what I saw because I believe Madeleine was abducted.”
Ms Tanner says her friend Rachael came to her holiday apartment to tell her Madeleine had gone at about 10pm.
“I know what I saw and I think it’s important that people know what I saw because I believe Madeleine was abducted”
“And then I saw Kate and Fiona running around shouting ‘Madeleine’, and Kate said to me, ‘Jane, Madeleine’s gone, Madeleine’s gone’. And that’s the first I heard.”
Does this help find Madeleine?