News | Anorak - Part 492

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We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.

plastic-bags.jpgYESTERDAY’S news of a woman’s head found washed up on a beach in Scotland gets more chilling.

The Suns says that the human head was not wrapped in one bag in “PLASTIC BAGS”.

How man turtles could have been hurt does not bear thinking about.

Police are investigating…

Posted: 3rd, April 2008 | In: Global Warming, Tabloids | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Bad Science: Indonesia’s Camp Octopus

octopus-gay.jpgSCIENTIFIC fact of the day: “Octopuses are kinky and violent lovers.”

In the Sun, we learn that some octupuses strangle their male rivals. And “smaller male octopuses in Indonesia also pretend to be females, putting on ‘girlish airs’.”


Posted: 3rd, April 2008 | In: Bad Science, Global Warming, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Barack Obama’s Rhetoric On John McCain’s 100 Years War

mccain.jpgSAYS JOHN McCain on Iraq:

Questioner: President Bush has talked about our staying in Iraq for fifty years…McCain: Maybe a hundred. Make it one hundred. We’ve been in South Korea, we’ve been in Japan for sixty years. We’ve been in South Korea for fifty years or so. That’d be fine with me as long as Americans are not being injured or harmed or wounded or killed. Then it’s fine with me. I would hope it would be fine with you if we maintain a presence in a very volatile part of the world where Al Qaeda is training, recruiting, equipping and motivating people every single day.

Says Barack Obama:

 We are bogged down in a war that John McCain now suggests might go on for another hundred years.”

And: “(McCain) says that he is willing to send our troops into another hundred years of war in Iraq.”

Well, that’s not quite what he said, is it..?

Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Barack Obama, John McCain, Politicians, Twitterings, War On Terror | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

BBC ‘Scared’ Of Islam

THE BBC is scared of Islam, says Ben Elton.

Writes Dizzy:

How refreshing it is to see that Ben Elton has accused the BBC of being scared of Islam. In an interview with ‘Third Way’, a Christian magazine, he has said the BBC hides behind the idea of moral sensibilities but really it’s ‘because they’re scared’. He also questioned why Christianity was a valid target with for example jokes about vicars but not ones about Immans.

Absobloodylutely! That’s what I say. I’m not a Christian myself, but I can understand why God Botherers get so irritated by the way their faith is easily ridiculed by the secular world but other faiths, in particular Islam, is not. No one has the right not be offended after all, and Islam should be ridiculed, just as much as Jehovah Witnesses, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhists and whatever other faith you can think.

If we are, as many have argued, engaged in an ideological struggle against Islamism (however great), then for us to show deference to the special interests of Islam as a whole then it puts the values of Western ideology on very shaky ground. If the BBC had balls it would buy Little Mosque on the Prairie from the Canadians for a BBC2 night time slot.

It’s a top show. Even better than the Heaven And Earth show…


Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio, Twitterings, War On Terror | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Gordon Brown Advertises or Professional Immigrants

immigrant.jpg“IMMIGRANTS,” screams the Express, calling the country’s assorted Poles, Australians and more to attention, “NO BROWN WANTS MORE.”

When Anorak mocked up Gordon Brown as Oliver Twist, we meant it in jest.

But he can’t have any more. There aren’t any more. Everyone’s already here. To get more immigrants, the immigrants will have to go away and come back again. Perhaps British Airways could put them in bags to Milan and save on costs?

But Gordon Brown wants more. He says the number of job vacancies has now increased to 675,000 and businesses can benefit from being able to “recruit more widely”.

The Express presses ‘1’ on the speed dial and contacts Sir Andrew Green, the chairman of Migrationwatch UK.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Gordon Brown, Immigration, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Is Nigella Lawson Getting Fatter For Fat Wednesday

nigella-fat.jpgIT’S Nigella Lawson on the Daily Express’s cover page.

“So has TV’s yummy cook out a bit too much in her tummy?” asks the paper. The Mail looks at her “jumbo knees”.

Readers may well expect this question to appear alongside a shot of the celebrity throwing up in a taxi. But Nigella is above such things – she most likely has a driver – and can be seen dressed in a vomit-free black top and pink cardigan.

The question, of course, is: “Is Nigella getting fatter?” And if she isn’t, why isn’t she?
Because today the Express screams: “TUCK IN AND LOOSEN YOUR BELTS, IT’S FAT WEDNESDAY.”

The paper says that “we’re likely to cram more food into our tummies today than on any other day, bar Christmas”.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Food & Fat, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Sir David King And Russian Climate Control

SAYS Bishop Hill: “There’s a lovely anecdote doing the rounds of climate sceptic blogs about Sir David King, the climate alarmist and former chief scientific adviser to the British government.”

The scene:

“It seems that President Putin asked some of his leading scientists to meet Sir David when he went to Moscow as part of the entourage of the foreign secretary. King apparently launched into his standard spiel about how we’re all going to fry, but was a bit taken aback when the assembled scientists told him he was talking rubbish. When they had the temerity to list all the scientific evidence which refuted his claims of impending armageddon, our man was left looking a bit of a ninny and turned on his heels and stormed out of the room.”

Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Global Warming, Politicians, Twitterings | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Muslims Ban Gay Books And Other Fairy Tales

gay-books.jpgSAYS the Mail: “Muslims’ fury forces schools to shelve anti-homophobia storybooks for 5-year-olds.”

The Muslims are censoring the books at Easton Primary School and Bannerman Road Community School, both in Bristol.

There have been “Objections from Muslim parents”. The King & King, a fairytale about a prince who turns down three princesses before marrying one of their brothers, is no longer on the bookshelves.

And Tango Makes Three, the story of two male penguins who fall in love at a New York zoo, is purged.

Bristol City Council said the two schools had been using the books to ensure they complied with gay rights laws which came into force last April. They were intended to help prevent homophobic bullying, it said.

But the books have gone. And the Mail says it is because of the Muslims. Only, it isn’t. Not really.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Tabloids, War On Terror | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Fat Children Get The TakeAnywhere School Desk

billy-bunter-001.jpgHOW fat are we? The Mail says schools are buying reinforced chairs and tables to cope with oversize pupils.

The Mail focuses on the fatness, almost overlooking the height.

Levent Caglar, of the Furniture Industry Research Association, says: “My study showed that children have been growing since 1971. In that time, they have grown another three centimetres, just over an inch, or one centimetre every decade.”

But the Mail’s story is all about weight. And though the extra leg may account for the extra pounds, the Mail looks at children’s “inactive lifestyles and hours spent slumped in front of the computer and TV”.

Of course, if the children were not given bigger furniture but instead issued with lighter chairs and desks, they could be shamed into stopping growing by sensing the chair and table splinter and crack under their massive bulk.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Food & Fat, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Magazines Banned From Airbrushing Celebrities

THE Telegraph reports that magazines could be banned from using airbrushed photographs of celebrities that make them look slimmer.

The fear is that these iamges are promoting unrealistic body images.

Says Tim: At the moment it’s actually a voluntary code of conduct that’s under discussion. And no, of course I don’t give two hoots about whether models are airbrushed or not.

But we do know that we have a government fond of the statement “if the voluntary option has failed we should look to legislation”….

The move follows criticisms by the Model Health Inquiry, which accused editors of acting irresponsibly and promoting a size-zero culture.

The report, released last September, urged the fashion industry to adopt a voluntary code on the use of computer technology to give models unrealistically perfect figures.

Thought everyone was getting cosmetic surgery?

Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Twitterings | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Two Plastic Bags And A Severed Head Found On Beach

arbroathbeach_228x146.jpgTHE Scotsman and The Herald both lead with news of a severed head of a woman found by two children in a plastic bag on a beach.

Yeah, a plastic bag on the beach. Think of the turtles. We need to get the bastards who did this!

The awful discovery was made by two young sisters aged about five and six in Arbroath, Angus, shortly after high tide.

And that’s not all. Tayside Police later found a woman’s hand in another bag on the beach.
Two plastic bags on the beach.

What right-minded person cannot be appalled?

Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Back pages, Global Warming | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Al Gore’s Rage Against The Machine

al-gore-hates-machines.jpgAL Gore has a plan. Al Gore wants 10 million volunteers to force politicians to act on climate change. There will be adverts on American TV. Lots of them.

The target is a big number. The Guardian says it’s twice as many as the number who marched against the Vietnam war or in support of civil rights during the heyday of US activism in the 1960s.

“The resources are completely unprecedented in American politics,” says Philip Clapp, of the Pew Environment Group. The Alliance for Climate Protection “has already reached out to organisations as diverse as the Girl Scouts and the steelworkers union to try to broaden its appeal”.

Steelworkers and girl scouts. The green movement is throwing up some unlikely bedfellows. Cookies and pig iron. The former Vice President of the USA waging war on the machines, one of which caused so many hanging chads and lost him Florida and with it the White House.

Gore hates machines, just hates them.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 1st, April 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Global Warming, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Celebrity News RoundUp

Simon Cowell sorts buys Leona Lewis a $5m mansion? – INO

Donald Trump on Heather MillsHollyscoopMadonna is shot – WWTDD

Lindsay Lohan is a middle-aged woman in a middle-aged woman’s body – Celebwarship

Jennifer Lopez makes up – Mollygood

Posted: 1st, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Twitterings | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

What You Are Worth In Bed

YOUR worth much more in bed

Posted: 1st, April 2008 | In: Twitterings | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Software That Ranks Your Attractiveness

YOU cannot beat the machine.

Posted: 1st, April 2008 | In: Twitterings | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Indonesia Bans Wilders’ Fitna Film

INDONESIA has banned Geert Wilders, leader of the Dutch right-wing Freedom Party (PVV),  from the archipelago.

Wilders’ 17-minute film Fitna, which means strife in Arabic, broadcasts terrorist attacks and links them to the Koran.

Posted: 1st, April 2008 | In: Twitterings, War On Terror | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Tibetans Plan Suicide Attacks On China

OVER the newswires come stories of suicide bombing Tibetans:

China on Tuesday accused “Tibet independence forces” of planning to use suicide squads to trigger bloody attacks — the lastest in a string of accusations that have taken aim at supporters of the Dalai Lama.

The prime minister of Tibet’s government-in-exile denied the claims, saying Tibetans are committed to a “nonviolent path.”

“To our knowledge, the next plan of the Tibetan independence forces is to organize suicide squads to launch violent attacks,” Public Security Bureau spokesman Wu Heping said Tuesday.

“They claimed that they fear neither bloodshed nor sacrifice,” Wu told a news conference.

Wu offered no firm evidence to support his claims.

When monks attack…

Posted: 1st, April 2008 | In: Politicians, Twitterings, War On Terror | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Didn’t We Do Well And The Elite

ON doing well at school:

The idea that we should seek to equalise outcomes between the “highly motivated” and the “less well motivated” is interesting. It suggests that giving everyone the chance to do well means (in the minds of people like Baroness Blackstone) neutering “doing well” to the point where everyone does well, regardless. Demanding that all universities have resources “concentrated” on them, across the board, is equally vacuous. “Achievement for all”; “resources concentrated on every area” — meaningless slogans, no doubt intended to sound appealing.


Posted: 1st, April 2008 | In: Politicians, Twitterings | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

On Fat Cats And Cuts

ON the Anorak Forums: Financial services companies have reacted to the credit crunch by embarking on the biggest set of job cuts since the worst depths of the bear market, but most redundancies will be restricted to the City, according to analysis of the sector published today.

A survey of the sector by the Confederation of British Industry and accountant Pricewaterhouse Coopers found that 47 per cent of companies had seen business volumes fall sharply against only 17 per cent which had seen them rise. A similar rate of decline is expected in the next three months, and companies which are finding it increasingly difficult to access finance fear things are going to get worse.

Doesn’t your heart bleed for them?
No more £150,000 to £500,000 annual bonus for shafting the customers? I sincerely hope they are offered jobs as Tony Blair’s special advisers at one of the two or three banking/finance sinecures he has picked up since leaving office as UK Premier. He deserves to have a strong team of financial wizards around him.
Or, perhaps the City Institutions which have a appointed him may now appreciate he is also not quite as valuable a Board Asset as they once thought? Fat Chance.


The Anorak Forums 

Posted: 1st, April 2008 | In: Money, Twitterings | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Gordon Brown Would Do Anything For More

mr-brown.pngJUST when you thought school could not get any worse, the Mirror announces: “FREE SCHOOL MEAL FOR EVERY PUPIL.”

Says Labour MP Sharon Hodgson said: “This is just the type of big bold thinking we need to secure a fourth term. In many schools, children roam the streets at lunchtimes, which is often bad news for local residents and good news for the chippy or burger bars.”

Vote Labour and say “No” to lunchtime trade. That’s the small business vote secured.

Ms Hodgson goes on: “It’s just over a century since the School Meals Act in 1906, which aimed to ensure children were not too hungry to concentrate.”

It’s 1906 and all that. No central heating in those halcyon days of rumbaba and rickets. Turn off the generator. Make it cold and so improve the students’ powers of concentration

“We now need to ensure that not only does no child go hungry but their food is healthy. All children get a desk, pencils and pens and a teacher. They should also get lunch, it’s as fundamental as that.”

What about desks sprayed with a Vitamin Varnish, quills plucked from organic hens, pencils fashioned from carrot sticks and a teacher who brings in an apple a day for her class?

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted: 1st, April 2008 | In: Food & Fat, Gordon Brown, Labour Party, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (7) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Finding Laughter In Heathrow Terminal Five

heathrow-terminal-5.pngMORE news on HeathRow Terminal Five, which is skilfully lowering passenger expectations to a degree whereby anyone spilling a plastic pot of orange juice down their clothes or on the receiving end of an invasive body search in customs will see it as progress and a triumph.


And there is much joy to be found in HeathRow. As Max Hastings says in the Guardian:

Greens greeted the Terminal Five opening fiasco with the same glee that would be inspired by news of a Japanese whale factory ship foundering off Kyushu. In the eyes of environmentalists, and more than a few people who just hate the airport, here was a massive poke in the eye for British Airways, the aviation lobby, Heathrow expansionists and lots of other people richly deserving of it.

But joy may not last long for the Al Goreans. The Express says that British Airways plans to sort out the backlog of 15,000 bags in Italy. Luggage is being despatched to the airline’s sorting centre in Milan.

Some bags may end up in Manila. But the bulk will arrive in Milan where the handlers will put them order: valuable bags will be placed in the back of a large unmarked white van; less valuable lined up in order of hideousness and thrown down a flight of stairs and jumped up and down upon until quite dead.

Of course BA is a reputable outfit and bags will be handled with the kind of care afforded to a giant Panda’s reproductive organs.

Just a joke. As we say, there is much joy to be had in others’ misfortune…

Posted: 31st, March 2008 | In: Global Warming, Tabloids | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Green Power Sinks German Town

global-warming-religion.gifTO Staufen, in the Black Forest. And we’d best hurry because it’s sinking.

The German town is subsiding after authorities drilled underground to harness “green” energy as part of an innovative geothermal power plan.

The contractors drilled down 460ft. they would extract heat. But now large cracks have appeared in buildings. And the town centre has subsided about a third of an inch.

The baroque town hall, the main church, two schools and more than 64 other buildings in the historic centre were severely affected. Experts said buildings in the outer part of the town had risen by a similar amount.

Says Michael Benitz, the mayor: “Will the earth continue to sink? If it stops now, then we will have got away lightly. But if it continues, it could turn out to be quite bad.”

Posted: 31st, March 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Global Warming | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Barack Obama And Gun Control

BARACK Obama and the land of the gun:

During his first run for elected office, Barack Obama played a greater role than his aides now acknowledge in crafting liberal stands on gun control, the death penalty and abortion– positions that appear at odds with the more moderate image he’s projected during his presidential campaign.

The evidence comes from an amended version of an Illinois voter group’s detailed questionnaire, filed under his name during his 1996 bid for a state Senate seat.

Late last year, in response to a Politico story about Obama’s answers to the original questionnaire, his aides said he “never saw or approved” the questionnaire.

They asserted the responses were filled out by a campaign aide who “unintentionally mischaracterize(d) his position.”

But a Politico examination determined that Obama was actually interviewed about the issues on the questionnaire by the liberal Chicago non-profit group that issued it. And it found that Obama – the day after sitting for the interview – filed an amended version of the questionnaire, which appears to contain Obama’s own handwritten notes adding to one answer.

Guns don’t kill people; legislation kills people…

Posted: 31st, March 2008 | In: Barack Obama, Politicians, Race For The White House, Twitterings | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

The BritBlog RoundUp

THE BritBlog RoundUp, as compiled by Philobiblon:

Our own Matt Wardman has instituted roundups of the Scottish, Welsh and Westminster parliament. Given the government’s sudden desperate enthusiasm for constitutional reform, how long before there’s a “English” to add to the collection?

And Amused Cynicism has turned serious to back a campaign to get parliamentary bills published in an accessible form. Whatever will these supporters of democracy think of next?!

Perhaps serious analysis of bills, as Spy Blog has done to the Draft Governance of Britain – Constitutional Renewal Bill. It is your democracy the Spy is trying to defend, so you really should read this.

Because of course legislation is the solution to all problems, as Feminist Avatar notes on An Open Letter by a Feminist about suggestions that the legal drinking age in Scotland be raised to 21.

Elsewhere in politics:

Keep your suggestions coming…

Posted: 31st, March 2008 | In: Politicians, Twitterings | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Carnival Of The Libertarians

Carnival of the Libertarians on liberty…

Posted: 31st, March 2008 | In: Politicians, Twitterings | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0