News | Anorak - Part 5

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We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.

Hey, stupid – your smug V for Vendetta masks are made in a corporate sweatshop

Guy Fawkes masks idiots


Who admires the social warrior for the ordinary, wearing a plastic mask of Guido Fawkes, those uniform smug fake faces that have come to symbolise rebellion and a hatred of unfairness? You can hear the mask wearer’s plastic-muffled cries of ‘Stop the Cuts!’ and ‘Tory scum’ at pretty much every demo. Given the expectorating vigour of the protestor, inside a mask must be wet enough to offer the very real threat of drowning in your own spit.

One other troubling thing is that these masks, short-hand self-explainers for the wearer’s sensitivity to the general anomy, reach the face via such homespun industries places as…Amazon. Who made them? Most likely an underpaid faceless drone in a factory on the outskirts of Rio or somewhere in China’s vast industrial landscape.

You’re in the capitalist system. That V for Vendetta mask proves it.

Take it off.

Photos via Brendan O’Neill

Posted: 6th, November 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Parasitic tapeworm with cancer kills man by cancer


 This is an adult Taenia saginata tapeworm.

This is an adult Taenia saginata tapeworm.


The 41-year-old Colombian man was HIV positive. What killed him, as reported in the New England Journal of Medicine, was the cancer he caught from the parasitic tapeworm.

The US Centres for Disease Control and the UK’s Natural History Museum diagnosed the unusual type of cancer. Dr Atis Muehlenbachs, who discovered the oddity, says: “It didn’t really make sense… this had been the most unusual case”.

The tumours appeared to be normal and some were more than 4cm across and found in his lungs and liver. But after further inspection, the infected cells were found to be a tenth of the size of normal human cells. Molecular testing identified high levels of tapeworm DNA in the tumours. The patient was unable to be treated by the time doctors had identified what the tumours were. He died three days after the worm DNA was discovered.

The worm tissue came from the dwarf tapeworms, known as Hymenlopis nana, which is a specialism of Dr Peter Oslon from the Natural History Museum. He said: “It is able to carry out its whole lifecycle in one host and that is absolutely unique.”

And absolutely hideous.

Parasitic tapeworm with cancer kills man.

Posted: 5th, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

David Cameron dummy and dead pig’s burned for Guy Fawkes night

Spot the difference

Spot the difference


This Guy Fawkes night, the people of Lewes will look beyond burning a stuffed effigy of the Pope and instead torch David Cameron and a pig.

The 15ft puppet of the Prime Minister wearing Union Jack underpants shares top billing with an effigy of Sepp Blatter sitting in a boat of cash showing the middle finger to onlookers.

Neither men nor pig are Catholic.

Posted: 5th, November 2015 | In: News, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Listen to The Ronettes – Baby I Love You (isolated Vocals)

American pop trio The Ronettes, comprising Veronica Bennett (later Ronnie Spector), Nedra Talley and Estelle Bennett, UK, 21st October 1964. (Photo by Express/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

American pop trio The Ronettes, comprising Veronica Bennett (later Ronnie Spector), Nedra Talley and Estelle Bennett, UK, 21st October 1964. (Photo by Express/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)


Listen to The Ronettes sing Baby Love You in 1963 – no instruments. Just the sweet voices:


Posted: 5th, November 2015 | In: Key Posts, Music, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Transfer Balls: Ronaldo ‘dreams’ of Manchester United, cashes in at PSG and wears rejuvenating bronzer

Transfer Balls: The Sun says PSG are “confident” they’ll beat Manchester United to sign Real Madrid’s Cristiano Ronaldo for £100m.

We learn that “Ronaldo has emphasised his close relationship with PSG chairman Nasser Al Khelaifi”.

We then get to look at body language:

But ahead of kick-off, Real president Florentino Perez was captured by TV cameras quizzing Ronaldo about an interview in which he claimed his future could lie elsewhere. The player looked bemused and sources said his touch-feely gestures towards PSG, with the world watching, after Real’s 1-0 Champions League victory were designed to rile Perez.

So Ronaldo is off to PSG. Or as the Manchester Evening News puts it:


Screen Shot 2015-11-05 at 12.50.08


Says who?

Woodward made another attempt to sign Ronaldo this summer and Spanish journalist Guillem Balague claims Ronaldo envisages himself playing for United next season.

“Cristiano Ronaldo still dreams of returning to Manchester United,” Balague writes in Cristiano Ronaldo: The Biography. “The English club informed his agent in 2013 that they have enough financial power to secure his return.

You can read more about Balague’s foresight here.

And who spends £100m for a 30 year-old? What he got in that Touche Eclat – rejuvenating powder?


Posted: 5th, November 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

VIP paedophiles: George Kennedy Young, Tory gays and the Society for Individual Freedom

VIP Paedophiles: a look at reporting on the allegations that famous, connected and rich faces tun a child abuse ‘ring’.

The Sun (Page 4): “MI6 BOSS ‘RAN VIP PAEDO RING'”

Those inverted commas alert us to the fact what we are set to hear more accusations but little if any fact.

Steve Hakes hears the claim that “Ex-MI6 Deputy Director George Kennedy was ‘the person behind what was gong on'”. The claim, we learn  was made by Labour MP John Mann but “he did not name Mr Kennedy.”

But we won’t hear from Kennedy because he died in 1990.

The Sun Nation adds:

Mr Mann did not name the former spy chief as an abuser – but said it was clear he was a “key figure”. He said: “He is the person behind what was going on. We need to know more about him.”

But why is his name in the spotlight?

The dynamite claims stem from the contents of second child abuse dossier of evidence handed to late Tory peer Lord Brittan in early 1984 by then Conservative MP Geoffrey Dickens.

Says Mann:

This is an original, I have spoken and met and got a copy from the person who personally handed it to Geoffrey Dickens who then personally gave it to Leon Brittan. And what it says is, first line – GK Young heads up a Powellite faction known as Tory Action. GK Young, George Kennedy Young, was deputy director of MI6 in the past, long dead. The allegations are that he manipulated a group of people and that within that there were paedophile rings. And it goes into detail – who it’s alleged were involved and where.

“I won’t give all the locations because some would be I think sensitive and would potentially identify people – but London is one, Greater Manchester is another, North Yorkshire is a third one.”

Mann has been vocal:


The Mail picks up the story:

Mr Mann said GK Young may be key in finding out what happened to the dossier.

He said: ‘I think it’s worth saying another thing about George Kennedy Young, because George Kennedy Young was involved in many dubious activities. He formed something called Unison, which was some kind of private army he tried to get going. I’ve seen a range of background documents that would be of interest to anyone campaigning on the Shrewsbury pickets and on infiltration of the miner’s strike with names that would correlate with that. There is a lot of allegations about him attempting to undermine both the Heath government and the Wilson government. He was clearly a manipulator. He’s rather key to what was going on. I don’t know why he’s so prominent, I don’t know why the Society for Individual Freedom he set up is named either in this, but he is a significant figure. And it may give some reason as to why things then disappeared.”

That takers us to the Telegraph’s obituary of Professor Peter Campbell

Professor Peter Campbell, who has died aged 78, was founding head of the Department of Politics and International Relations at Reading University; he was also doubly courageous in being both openly homosexual and a loyal Tory. As chairman and later vice-president of the Conservative Group for Homosexual Equality, Campbell fought an uphill and often lonely battle to persuade his fellow Tories that “homosexuality, like left-handedness, is a fact of life about some people who do not differ in other respects from the majority” and not, as some claimed, a matter of “seduction, corruption, perversion or whim”…

At the time, it must have seemed a hopeless cause. While the identities of homosexual Conservative MPs were well known in the Westminster “village”, and while homosexuals were well represented in the party bureaucracy, to admit the truth openly was to risk both reputation and career…. Dr Adrian Rogers, chairman of the Conservative Family Campaign, said in 1991 that homosexuality was “a sterile, disease-ridden and God-forsaken relationship”.


…he was always actively involved in the contemporary British political scene, serving during the 1950s as secretary of the Political Studies Association, chairman of the Institute of Electoral Research, council member of the Hansard Society and editor of Political Studies. He was also, for 30 years, co-president of the Reading University Conservative Association and was a vice-president of the Electoral Reform Society.

His politics were libertarian, and he was an active member and sometime chairman of the Society for Individual Freedom. In 1985, for example, he criticised the government for talking grandly about liberty while supporting a plethora of new paternalistic laws, including 291 new offences for which people could be fined or jailed. “Conservatives have recently celebrated Sir Robert Peel’s Tamworth Manifesto of 1834,” he recalled. “They might remember that Peel drastically pruned the criminal law when he was Home Secretary in the 1820s. He set a splendid example to today’s ministers in all departments.”

There was a close connection between his libertarian principles and his campaign for homosexual rights.

Society for Individual Freedom website lays out its beliefs:

What we believe
That the individual, rather than the State, is the font of liberty, morality and authority.
That private citizens should have the freedom to act as they wish provided their actions do not harm others.
That the law should exist principally to guarantee individual liberty and not to act as a paternalistic guardian.
In the primacy of freely negotiated contract.
That an efficient free-market economy benefits all, and that the State’s economic function should mainly be limited to the prevention of violence and fraud and similar obstacles to honest competition and co-operation.
That taxes in the United Kingdom are too high and erode individual responsibility and enterprise.
That State assistance should be concentrated upon cases of unavoidable hardship.
That official secrecy, except in limited cases such as genuine national defence, is unacceptable in a free society.
In Parliament as the supreme law-making body in the United Kingdom.
That to preserve the liberties of private individuals we need more independent-minded Members of Parliament, a stronger Second Chamber, and more effective parliamentary control over the executive.
That there is too much influence on government from pressure groups that call for legislation of an unnecessary and restrictive nature.
That justice shall be administered by courts that are not subject to political pressure, and that government decisions have no validity unless founded on clear legal authority.
Last amended and formally approved on the 27th October 2004.

Such are the facts.


Posted: 5th, November 2015 | In: News, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

John Bercow vs The Sun: Sally snogs and hacking Japan

John Bercow, House of Commons speakers and husband to Sally the Seleb, has been “blasted for racking up a £10,000 bill; on a junket to Japan”. So says the Sun. We hear the view of “one senior Tory MP, who tells us:

“John Bercow is a disgusting freeloader, I bet the Japanese  did not even want him to come.”

By way of balance the Sun also hears from Dia Chakravarty of the TaxPayers’ Alliance, who says Bercow “didn’t provide the taxpayers with  better value for money”.

In previous news, totally unconnected to the Sun’s view of Bercow:

MPs and peers have “rediscovered their collective balls” over the phone-hacking affair, the Speaker has told the Guardian.


Sally Bercow has blasted The Sun after the newspaper published pictures of her kissing a man under the headline “Must Tongue Sally”.

Such are the facts.


Posted: 5th, November 2015 | In: News, Politicians, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Woman accused of twisting off one-legged roofer’s prosthetic limb

Leg crookTo Bartlett, Tennessee, where Donna Hastings, 53, is arguing with a man at the Dan McGuiness Sports Bar. He says she assailed him over payment for roofing work. Hastings says he never completed the job. He begs to differ. Hastings grabs his prosthetic leg, twists it, and pulls it off.

The one-legged roofer loses his balance and falls off his bar stool.

Prevented from leaving the bar by other drinkers, Hastings throws the leg down and drives off. He says the leg costs $2,731.92 to replace.

Hastings has been charged with two counts of robbery and two counts of vandalism of more than $1,000.

Her mug shot revels a woman less than contrite.

Posted: 5th, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Boy suspended from school for shooting fellow pupil with imaginary bow and arrow

school boy suspended shooting classmate


At Our Lady of Lourdes school in Cincinnati, Ohio, six-year-old are playing Power Rangers. One child picks up an imaginary bow, loads the arrow, takes aim at another boy and fires. A hit!

He is duly suspended from school for three days. The boy’s parents, Matthew and Martha Miele are agog. Martha spoke with Principal Joe Crachiolo.

“I didn’t really understand. I had him on the phone for a good amount of time so he could really explain to me what he was trying to tell me. My question to him was ‘Is this really necessary? Does this really need to be a three-day suspension under the circumstances that he was playing and he’s 6 years old?’

“He told me that he was going to stand firm and that he was not going to change it.”

Crachiolo then sent a letter to all parents:

“I have no tolerance for any real, pretend, or imitated violence. The punishment is an out of school suspension.”


Martha adds:

“I can’t stop him from pretending to be a super hero. I can’t stop him from playing ninja turtles. I can’t stop him from doing these things and I don’t think it would be healthy to do so. His imagination can go limitless places. We try to encourage that as parents.”

Jesus wept.



Posted: 5th, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Arsenal balls: Giroud good enough for Bayern, Joel Campbell nicking a living, Wenger ‘poor’

Arsenal get “Mullered” (The Mirror) and work “Nein to 5” (Sun) – papers reacting to the Gunners’ 5-1 thrashing against Bayern Munich.

But what about those points, the scores out of 10 dished out to the teams?

The Mirror’s John Cross is right: Joel Campbell was dire, an Arsenal player nicking a living in the shirt. But was Giroud that bad?




The Mail is more generous. Campbell gets a score of 5.5. This means he was better than Cazorla (he wasn’t) and on a part with Monreal, the overworked, exposed left back. Only Giroud and Cech come out with any credit, both collecting scores that would have got them into the Bayern side.





Posted: 5th, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Manchester United: bellow average Wayne Rooney goes back to ‘class’

Manchester United beat CSKA 1-0 in the Champions’ League. In the Mail, Martin Samuel says the game’s goalscorer, Wayne Rooney, was “class”.




But below that praise the Mail also says Rooney, er,  wasn’t all that good.



According to those scores, Rooney was below average.

Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Objects of desire: David Bowie mug-shot shower curtain

david bowie shower curtain

The David Bowie shower curtain.

Buy yours at Fine Art America


Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Chelsea benefit from FA conspiracy to let Diego Costa escape ban for Liverpool ‘red card’

In his ‘JOIN THE DEBATE’ column for the Daily Mail, Martin Samuel focuses on Chelsea striker Diego Costa.

Diego Costa will not be charged by the Football Association for his off-the-ball kick on Martin Skrtel. 

Fact. But this is debate, so…

Why? Replays plainly showed Costa pushing his studs into Skrtel as the pair fell to the ground in Saturday’s game at Stamford Bridge.

Costa has previous for violent play, too, and served a three-match ban earlier in the season. Yet the FA line is that referee Mark Clattenburg saw the incident and dealt with it at the time. Really? If he did he was the only one who didn’t believe it deserved action.

In Monday’s Mail, Matt Barlow prised Skrtel for “not making a meal of it”.

The Mail has already published the views of one referee. It employs Graham Poll to tell readers:

When Diego Costa fouled Martin Skrtel it did appear that he made a secondary action with his right leg and kicked the Liverpool man in a violent manner. The incident occurred close to Clattenburg who took no action. Perhaps he missed it completely or didn’t think it violent. Perhaps he thought it fair ‘retaliation’ after Skrtel had caught Costa with a leading forearm in the first half. For me at full speed I doubt whether any referee would have dismissed the Chelsea man; replays might well have led to a red card but thankfully we still trust our referees to get the majority of decisions right.

Might. But… Not that conclusive, then.


Samuel adds:

More likely, Clattenburg and the FA knew after the game that Lucas Leiva of Liverpool should have received a second yellow card, and that to punish Costa — who could have been banned for four matches considering the previous offence — would merely add to Chelsea’s conspiracy fantasies. So it wasn’t justice: merely a balancing of injustices, which isn’t the same at all.

Chelsea benefit from FA conspiracy. Read all about it!

Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Liverpool, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Chelsea balls: Abramovich puts £71m price tag on Mourinho’s head

Transfer balls: The Daily Mail says “Chelsea reject shock £35m bid by Monaco for under-pressure manager Jose Mourinho.”

Go on…

Monaco made a startling approach for Jose Mourinho on Tuesday but saw a staggering £35million bid rejected, according to a shareholder. Alessandro Proto claims he met Roman Abramovich in London in a bid to prise away Chelsea’s beleaguered manager.

Who is Proto?

A statement was released by Proto’s company, Proto Enterprises, to a Spanish news agency stating the meeting had taken place in London earlier in the day.

The Proto Enterprises website tells us:

Proto Enterprises has a track record of various operations, both in real estate and in finance, participation and intervention which today identify and differentiate us in the investment field on an international level.


In a moment of deep global crisis, two aspects which make a difference in the business world are enthusiasm and audacity. Enthusiasm for everything that surrounds us. For the family, for work, for others and for ourselves.

Yeah, it’s a venture capital firm.

Proto Enterprises confirmed its authenticity to Sportsmail on Tuesday night and alleged Abramovich could be interested in accepting should they double the offer to £71m.

Source confirms its own story? How?

The Indy picks up the story:

Abramovich’s refusal suggests that he remains supportive of the beleaguered Mourinho, whose defending champions currently sit 15th in the Premier League table, following six defeats in their opening eleven league matches.

But the Mail says he’d take more money if it were offered.  And there is one small matter in this story that is very odd: why would Mourinho want to manage a side with pots or money but hardly any fans. The man loves a big stage. And Monaco ain’t it.

Meanwhile Monaco’s curent boss, Bernard Veronico, should check the print on his contract.


Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Manchester United balls: Louis Van Gaal calls Chris Smalling ‘Michael’ again



Manchester United centre-back Chris Smalling has a new nickname: Michael. Following Manchester United’s 1-0 win over CSKA Moscow, Louis Van Gaal hailed the performance of “Michael Smalling”.

Who he?



“David De Gea has saved us, then after that, Michael Smalling has saved us,” Van Gaal said.

The United boss made the exact same gaffe back in July while proudly naming Mike Smalling as his new vice-captain as Chris Smalling sat right beside him…


What is it to be loved.

Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Policeman shoots himself – blames mysterious dark-skinned man

This booking photo provided by the Lonoke County Sheriff’s Office shows David Houser. Houser, the Arkansas police officer who said he was shot during a traffic stop, was arrested Tuesday, Nov. 3, 2015, after authorities say the incident never happened. (Lonoke County Sheriff’s Office via AP)

This booking photo provided by the Lonoke County Sheriff’s Office shows David Houser. Houser, the Arkansas police officer who said he was shot during a traffic stop, was arrested Tuesday, Nov. 3, 2015, after authorities say the incident never happened. (Lonoke County Sheriff’s Office via AP)


To Arkansas, where police are hunting a “Hispanic man in his 30s”. This nasty piece of work has shot police officer David Houser, 50, at a traffic stop.

But hold on! Put the usual suspect down. KXAN in Arkansas has news:

A news release from the department last month gave details of Houser’s account of the events, which included knocking the driver’s gun away and spinning out of harm’s way as the driver fired. He told investigators a bullet grazed across his bullet-resistant vest and deflected off a pen. He was not hurt in the incident.

Police launched a manhunt and tip line looking for the SUV and driver whom Houser described as a Hispanic man in his 30s.

Cook said Monday that the hole in Houser’s left breast pocket of his uniform was self-inflicted.

“The crime scene was staged. The bullet hole was self-inflicted,” Cook said. “He had laid out some different caliber (casings) to make it appear he had exchanged gunfire. He did discharge his service weapon.”

An idiot and a bastard.

Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Facebook banned these naked breasts but approved the racism

German photographer Olli Waldhauer wanted to highlight Facebook’s selective attitude to censorship. Why is Facebook quicker to block nudity than racism?

He posted this picture of a man holding a sign declaring: “Don’t Buy From Kanaken”. The picrure also shows a topless woman.

Kanken is a Nazi-era slogan about stores owned by Jewish people now applied to refugees arriving from the Middle East.


facebook naked



“One of these people is violating Facebook’s rules,” says the caption.

You can guess which by playing along with the #nippelstatthetze ((“nipples instead of hate speech”).

“I want Facebook to ban the picture not because of the nudity but because of the race-baiting,” says Waldhauer.

We’d rather Facebook banned nothing and let idiots be held up to ridicule. Calling for censorship is an odd position for an artist to take.

This, by the way, is ok for Facebook.

Screen Shot 2015-11-04 at 10.29.48


Spotter: Verge,


Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Watch A Street Statue Artist Kick A Thief In The Head

statue kick


Stick a coin in the slot at at the feet of a performance statue and they will break their post to wink, wave or punch the air (reaction dependent on donation). Take a coin and the performer will deliver a sharp kick to your head.


Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: Gifs, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Man jailed after using fishing line to smuggle ‘deadly’ McMuffin into Wormwood Scrubs prison

smugglers prison london


Karl Jensen, 27, and Lisa Mary Hutchinson, 26, have been jailed for smuggling drugs, a knife, a plastic Kinder Surprise egg containing five Sim cards, a bottle of vodka, a USB chargers and a McMuffin sandwich into London’s Wormwood Scrubs prison.

Jensen tied the meat, cutlery and additives to a fishing line that was pulled into a cell.

Hutchinson was jailed for two and a half years and Hutchinson received a 12-month community order.



Det Con Andy Griffin said the combination of items “could have been deadly.”

But in isolation, the McMuffin is the most feared.

Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Chelsea balls: Mourinho praises his dignity, John Terry wants love and death, Fabregas looks innocent

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho continues to set the sports pages agenda.

The Sun (backpage): “BLUES BROTHERS”.

Chelsea captain John Terry says Chelsea are United and squarely behind Mourinho. This is unlovely, driven and pragmatic Terry – Mourinho’s vision of football made bone and meat. No shock he supports his manager.

terry chelsea

Pages 56-57: “No surrender but players worried Jose has become the…LONELY ONE.”

Andrew Dillon says Jose is “used to fighting the world  – but he is not used to the world winning”.  We hear from John Terry, who says: “We don’t want to be fighting the world. You want to be loved, as an individual and as a club…”

As we roll our eyes at the charmless JT talking of love, Mourinho recalls words he said in 2004 after his Porto side had won the Champions League. “I had said that one day in my career bad results would come… One day the bad results will come and I’ll face the bad results with all the same honesty and dignity that I’m facing now as European champions.”

Who looks at Mourinho and sees his honesty and dignity? Correct answer: John Terry. Wrong answer: referees, The FA, Dr Eva Carneiro, Barcelona assistant Tito Vilanova, Andres Frisk…

Page 57:  “Zola: I’ve a dream”

Gianfranco Zola wants to manage Chelsea. He says he “needs to improve as a manager if I want to get there.” No kidding.




The Times (back page): Terry furious at criticism of Mourinho”

John Terry has words for the player who apparently said he’d rather Chelsea lost than win for Mourinho. “The player wouldn’t be let out of the dressing room,” says Terry.

Cesc Fabregas says he’s not the poison in the well.

Terry blames the messenger and says the BBC reporting the story fell “well below their standards”. When John Terry is the barometer of standards, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself. Or laugh.


daily express john terry backpages


The Express (bak page): “Rebels at Chelsea? They wouldn’t get out alive”

Not quite what John Terry said. He never did threaten to murder the enemy in the camp.




Mirror (back page):  “BACK OFF”

John Terry has “pleaded with critics not to drive Jose Mourinho and Eden Hazard out of the Premier League”.

Daily Mail (back page): “Jose: I’ll be at Chelsea until 2019:

Looks like Jose’s not leaving.

And he wants to remain in London even if Chelsea give him the boot.

As Matt Hughes told Times readers:

José Mourinho will be permitted to work for another English club if he is sacked by Chelsea under the terms of his contract at Stamford Bridge. It is understood that while the four-year deal he signed last August contains a clause stipulating that Mourinho is entitled to one year’s salary of £9.5 million in the event of his dismissal, there is nothing restricting his future employment.

Sack him and he stays in London? But who would he manage? Arsenal fans can’t abide him. Spurs wanted Mourinho in 2007 after he was sacked by Chelsea. But the severance package prevented him moving to White Hart Lane. Would Spurs move for him again? Would West Ham United?




Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Manchester United balls: Kanchelskis slams Van Gaal, Rooney dropped, Riyad Mahrez can be like Cantona

cantonaManchester United’s Louis Van Gaal must be relieved must of the media’s gaze is trained on Chelsea’s Jose Mourinho. Having spent a fortune on flesh and bone, Manchester United under LVG are dull.

The Sun does report today that former United player Andrie Kanchelskis says “Van Gaal is not for Manchester United. Their history and tradition is to play wide and sharp at flanks – but is nothing like this now.”

What United fans would give for the flying Russian in his pomp. Kanchelskis is now  pundit, opining that LVG is “too pragmatic” and makes his team play like “robots”.

The Mirror calls three goalless draws in a row a “crisis”. It’s not, of course. If it is, what state are bottom-of-the-table Aston Villa in, an uber-crisis?

The Sun goes on to say that Van Gaal is sticking by his captain Wayne Rooney. But the Express says Van Gaal will “consider resting Rooney  if his barren run continues”. Resting is, of course, a euphemism for ‘dropping’.

Matt Lawton notes in the Mail that Alex Ferguson “endured patches of form when United struggled to find the net.” He recalls a poor run in 1992 that “prompted the signing of Eric Cantona”. Who now can boost United? The Mail suggests Leicester City’s Riyad Mahrez. He’s contracted to Leicester until 2019, and why he’d want to leave the bubbling Foxes for dullsville Old Trafford is a moot point.


Posted: 3rd, November 2015 | In: Newcastle United, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Man with cloth penis ate toilet paper to beat police breathalyzer test

cloth penis manTo Iowa, where Ross McDonald, 39, has been pulled over by police who have spotted him driving the wrong way down a road. Police say he is dressed as “flasher” might. The police reports says:

“Def was only wearing a trench coat and a piece of cloth that looked like a penis. Upon arrival at the police precinct, McDonald attempted to eat toilet paper, thinking it would mess with the breathalyzer.”

McDonald was arrested and charged with third-offence drunken driving, a Class D felony punishable by up to five years in prison.

His penis is left uninvestigated – but if he ever offers to dry your dishes, best stand well back and shut the kitchen door behind you.


Posted: 3rd, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Chelsea balls: Mourinho prepares for an assault on the beaches of Stoke, Arsenal and Liverpool

The media narrative is that every Chelsea match is Jose Mourinho’s D-DAY.

Today the Daily Express says Chelsea’s match at Stoke City is the manager’s ‘D-DAY’:


D-day Jose Chelsea



The London Evening Standard said Jose’s D-Day was the match against Liverpool.


Screen Shot 2015-11-03 at 08.09.50


The Times of India agreed.


Screen Shot 2015-11-03 at 08.10.47



The Bleacher Report says Chelsea v Arsenal was Mourinho’s D-DAY:


Screen Shot 2015-11-03 at 08.09.26


D-Day is a pretty regular event in Jose’s life. For anyone wondering if D-Day is just a term to describe a man losing his job, this is what D-Day was:

During World War II (1939-1945), the Battle of Normandy, which lasted from June 1944 to August 1944, resulted in the Allied liberation of Western Europe from Nazi Germany’s control. Codenamed Operation Overlord, the battle began on June 6, 1944, also known as D-Day, when some 156,000 American, British and Canadian forces landed on five beaches along a 50-mile stretch of the heavily fortified coast of France’s Normandy region.

The Allied forces had one D-Day. Jose Mourinho’s had three of them this season.

Posted: 3rd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Chelsea Balls: Jose banned from watching matches on the telly, Makelele linked, yet another D-Day

Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho leads every tabloids’ sports section. The Sun says Mourinho is a “BASKET CASE”. The Mirror agrees, leading with the same headline.


Jose Mouinho back pages the Mirror


Sticking with the Sun, Jose”s been hit with a “double whammy” of a stadium band and lawsuit. He’s bene hit with a fine for being mouthy (£40,000 in the Mail; £50,000 in the Mirror).

These “basket case” headlines are a pun on a pervious time when Jose was banned from entering the stadium and he sneaked in by hiding in a laundry basket. The lawsuit refers to Dr Eva Carneiro, the now former Chelsea team doctor, whose appeal for constructive dismissal could see Mourinho called before an employment tribunal.


Mourinho mirror backpage



Over pages 52-53, the Sun’s Steven Howard says “fed up stars can put Jose in his place”. Howard reasons that with Mourinho banned from Stoke City’s ground for Chelsea’s weekend visit the players will show what they can do without him. In Howard’s world there are no TV cameras (the game is live on Sky), phones not any other way the Chelsea manager can watch the match and communicate with his staff – those coaches he works with and who he picked to work with him.

Howard wonders what will happen should Chelsea win well at Stoke “without” Mourinho. In Howard’s view of football the only thing that matters is what happen in the changing room at half-time and the pre-match warm up. Those many training ground sessions and talks count for nought.

The Express says the Stoke match is Jose’s D-Day. This is the same Express that told us the Chelsea v Liverpool game was Mourinho’s D-day and that he’d be sacked should his side lose. They lost. He was not sacked. It was not D-day.

The Mirror says the Stoke game could save “Jose’s career”. Wow! Not just his job at Chelsea but his entire career.

Dave Kidd says it’s all over – “Mourinho will be brought down  by players lacking conviction in his methods”.

So. Mourinho is on his way, then. The Mail says he’ll be replaced by a “dream ticket” of Carlo Ancelotti and Claude Makelele (sacked from managing at Bastia after just 6 months).

Live the dream.


Posted: 3rd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Watch referee Arsenal enemy Mike Dean ‘celebrate’ a Spurs goal against Aston Villa

Arsenal fans don’t much like Mike Dean, the Premier League referee. Claims, however nuts, that the man in yellow doesn’t like the Gunners will not be undone buy the video of him reacting to a Spurs goal against Aston Villa.

What is he doing? And why is he doing it in public?

Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: News, Sports, Spurs | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0