News | Anorak - Part 6

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We don’t just report off-beat news, breaking news and digest the best and worst of the news media analysis and commentary. We give an original take on what happened and why. We add lols, satire, news photos and original content.

Objects of desire: David Bowie mug-shot shower curtain

david bowie shower curtain

The David Bowie shower curtain.

Buy yours at Fine Art America


Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, News, The Consumer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Chelsea benefit from FA conspiracy to let Diego Costa escape ban for Liverpool ‘red card’

In his ‘JOIN THE DEBATE’ column for the Daily Mail, Martin Samuel focuses on Chelsea striker Diego Costa.

Diego Costa will not be charged by the Football Association for his off-the-ball kick on Martin Skrtel. 

Fact. But this is debate, so…

Why? Replays plainly showed Costa pushing his studs into Skrtel as the pair fell to the ground in Saturday’s game at Stamford Bridge.

Costa has previous for violent play, too, and served a three-match ban earlier in the season. Yet the FA line is that referee Mark Clattenburg saw the incident and dealt with it at the time. Really? If he did he was the only one who didn’t believe it deserved action.

In Monday’s Mail, Matt Barlow prised Skrtel for “not making a meal of it”.

The Mail has already published the views of one referee. It employs Graham Poll to tell readers:

When Diego Costa fouled Martin Skrtel it did appear that he made a secondary action with his right leg and kicked the Liverpool man in a violent manner. The incident occurred close to Clattenburg who took no action. Perhaps he missed it completely or didn’t think it violent. Perhaps he thought it fair ‘retaliation’ after Skrtel had caught Costa with a leading forearm in the first half. For me at full speed I doubt whether any referee would have dismissed the Chelsea man; replays might well have led to a red card but thankfully we still trust our referees to get the majority of decisions right.

Might. But… Not that conclusive, then.


Samuel adds:

More likely, Clattenburg and the FA knew after the game that Lucas Leiva of Liverpool should have received a second yellow card, and that to punish Costa — who could have been banned for four matches considering the previous offence — would merely add to Chelsea’s conspiracy fantasies. So it wasn’t justice: merely a balancing of injustices, which isn’t the same at all.

Chelsea benefit from FA conspiracy. Read all about it!

Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, Liverpool, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Chelsea balls: Abramovich puts £71m price tag on Mourinho’s head

Transfer balls: The Daily Mail says “Chelsea reject shock £35m bid by Monaco for under-pressure manager Jose Mourinho.”

Go on…

Monaco made a startling approach for Jose Mourinho on Tuesday but saw a staggering £35million bid rejected, according to a shareholder. Alessandro Proto claims he met Roman Abramovich in London in a bid to prise away Chelsea’s beleaguered manager.

Who is Proto?

A statement was released by Proto’s company, Proto Enterprises, to a Spanish news agency stating the meeting had taken place in London earlier in the day.

The Proto Enterprises website tells us:

Proto Enterprises has a track record of various operations, both in real estate and in finance, participation and intervention which today identify and differentiate us in the investment field on an international level.


In a moment of deep global crisis, two aspects which make a difference in the business world are enthusiasm and audacity. Enthusiasm for everything that surrounds us. For the family, for work, for others and for ourselves.

Yeah, it’s a venture capital firm.

Proto Enterprises confirmed its authenticity to Sportsmail on Tuesday night and alleged Abramovich could be interested in accepting should they double the offer to £71m.

Source confirms its own story? How?

The Indy picks up the story:

Abramovich’s refusal suggests that he remains supportive of the beleaguered Mourinho, whose defending champions currently sit 15th in the Premier League table, following six defeats in their opening eleven league matches.

But the Mail says he’d take more money if it were offered.  And there is one small matter in this story that is very odd: why would Mourinho want to manage a side with pots or money but hardly any fans. The man loves a big stage. And Monaco ain’t it.

Meanwhile Monaco’s curent boss, Bernard Veronico, should check the print on his contract.


Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Manchester United balls: Louis Van Gaal calls Chris Smalling ‘Michael’ again



Manchester United centre-back Chris Smalling has a new nickname: Michael. Following Manchester United’s 1-0 win over CSKA Moscow, Louis Van Gaal hailed the performance of “Michael Smalling”.

Who he?



“David De Gea has saved us, then after that, Michael Smalling has saved us,” Van Gaal said.

The United boss made the exact same gaffe back in July while proudly naming Mike Smalling as his new vice-captain as Chris Smalling sat right beside him…


What is it to be loved.

Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: manchester united, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Policeman shoots himself – blames mysterious dark-skinned man

This booking photo provided by the Lonoke County Sheriff’s Office shows David Houser. Houser, the Arkansas police officer who said he was shot during a traffic stop, was arrested Tuesday, Nov. 3, 2015, after authorities say the incident never happened. (Lonoke County Sheriff’s Office via AP)

This booking photo provided by the Lonoke County Sheriff’s Office shows David Houser. Houser, the Arkansas police officer who said he was shot during a traffic stop, was arrested Tuesday, Nov. 3, 2015, after authorities say the incident never happened. (Lonoke County Sheriff’s Office via AP)


To Arkansas, where police are hunting a “Hispanic man in his 30s”. This nasty piece of work has shot police officer David Houser, 50, at a traffic stop.

But hold on! Put the usual suspect down. KXAN in Arkansas has news:

A news release from the department last month gave details of Houser’s account of the events, which included knocking the driver’s gun away and spinning out of harm’s way as the driver fired. He told investigators a bullet grazed across his bullet-resistant vest and deflected off a pen. He was not hurt in the incident.

Police launched a manhunt and tip line looking for the SUV and driver whom Houser described as a Hispanic man in his 30s.

Cook said Monday that the hole in Houser’s left breast pocket of his uniform was self-inflicted.

“The crime scene was staged. The bullet hole was self-inflicted,” Cook said. “He had laid out some different caliber (casings) to make it appear he had exchanged gunfire. He did discharge his service weapon.”

An idiot and a bastard.

Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Facebook banned these naked breasts but approved the racism

German photographer Olli Waldhauer wanted to highlight Facebook’s selective attitude to censorship. Why is Facebook quicker to block nudity than racism?

He posted this picture of a man holding a sign declaring: “Don’t Buy From Kanaken”. The picrure also shows a topless woman.

Kanken is a Nazi-era slogan about stores owned by Jewish people now applied to refugees arriving from the Middle East.


facebook naked



“One of these people is violating Facebook’s rules,” says the caption.

You can guess which by playing along with the #nippelstatthetze ((“nipples instead of hate speech”).

“I want Facebook to ban the picture not because of the nudity but because of the race-baiting,” says Waldhauer.

We’d rather Facebook banned nothing and let idiots be held up to ridicule. Calling for censorship is an odd position for an artist to take.

This, by the way, is ok for Facebook.

Screen Shot 2015-11-04 at 10.29.48


Spotter: Verge,


Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Watch A Street Statue Artist Kick A Thief In The Head

statue kick


Stick a coin in the slot at at the feet of a performance statue and they will break their post to wink, wave or punch the air (reaction dependent on donation). Take a coin and the performer will deliver a sharp kick to your head.


Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: Gifs, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Man jailed after using fishing line to smuggle ‘deadly’ McMuffin into Wormwood Scrubs prison

smugglers prison london


Karl Jensen, 27, and Lisa Mary Hutchinson, 26, have been jailed for smuggling drugs, a knife, a plastic Kinder Surprise egg containing five Sim cards, a bottle of vodka, a USB chargers and a McMuffin sandwich into London’s Wormwood Scrubs prison.

Jensen tied the meat, cutlery and additives to a fishing line that was pulled into a cell.

Hutchinson was jailed for two and a half years and Hutchinson received a 12-month community order.



Det Con Andy Griffin said the combination of items “could have been deadly.”

But in isolation, the McMuffin is the most feared.

Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Chelsea balls: Mourinho praises his dignity, John Terry wants love and death, Fabregas looks innocent

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho continues to set the sports pages agenda.

The Sun (backpage): “BLUES BROTHERS”.

Chelsea captain John Terry says Chelsea are United and squarely behind Mourinho. This is unlovely, driven and pragmatic Terry – Mourinho’s vision of football made bone and meat. No shock he supports his manager.

terry chelsea

Pages 56-57: “No surrender but players worried Jose has become the…LONELY ONE.”

Andrew Dillon says Jose is “used to fighting the world  – but he is not used to the world winning”.  We hear from John Terry, who says: “We don’t want to be fighting the world. You want to be loved, as an individual and as a club…”

As we roll our eyes at the charmless JT talking of love, Mourinho recalls words he said in 2004 after his Porto side had won the Champions League. “I had said that one day in my career bad results would come… One day the bad results will come and I’ll face the bad results with all the same honesty and dignity that I’m facing now as European champions.”

Who looks at Mourinho and sees his honesty and dignity? Correct answer: John Terry. Wrong answer: referees, The FA, Dr Eva Carneiro, Barcelona assistant Tito Vilanova, Andres Frisk…

Page 57:  “Zola: I’ve a dream”

Gianfranco Zola wants to manage Chelsea. He says he “needs to improve as a manager if I want to get there.” No kidding.




The Times (back page): Terry furious at criticism of Mourinho”

John Terry has words for the player who apparently said he’d rather Chelsea lost than win for Mourinho. “The player wouldn’t be let out of the dressing room,” says Terry.

Cesc Fabregas says he’s not the poison in the well.

Terry blames the messenger and says the BBC reporting the story fell “well below their standards”. When John Terry is the barometer of standards, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself. Or laugh.


daily express john terry backpages


The Express (bak page): “Rebels at Chelsea? They wouldn’t get out alive”

Not quite what John Terry said. He never did threaten to murder the enemy in the camp.




Mirror (back page):  “BACK OFF”

John Terry has “pleaded with critics not to drive Jose Mourinho and Eden Hazard out of the Premier League”.

Daily Mail (back page): “Jose: I’ll be at Chelsea until 2019:

Looks like Jose’s not leaving.

And he wants to remain in London even if Chelsea give him the boot.

As Matt Hughes told Times readers:

José Mourinho will be permitted to work for another English club if he is sacked by Chelsea under the terms of his contract at Stamford Bridge. It is understood that while the four-year deal he signed last August contains a clause stipulating that Mourinho is entitled to one year’s salary of £9.5 million in the event of his dismissal, there is nothing restricting his future employment.

Sack him and he stays in London? But who would he manage? Arsenal fans can’t abide him. Spurs wanted Mourinho in 2007 after he was sacked by Chelsea. But the severance package prevented him moving to White Hart Lane. Would Spurs move for him again? Would West Ham United?




Posted: 4th, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Manchester United balls: Kanchelskis slams Van Gaal, Rooney dropped, Riyad Mahrez can be like Cantona

cantonaManchester United’s Louis Van Gaal must be relieved must of the media’s gaze is trained on Chelsea’s Jose Mourinho. Having spent a fortune on flesh and bone, Manchester United under LVG are dull.

The Sun does report today that former United player Andrie Kanchelskis says “Van Gaal is not for Manchester United. Their history and tradition is to play wide and sharp at flanks – but is nothing like this now.”

What United fans would give for the flying Russian in his pomp. Kanchelskis is now  pundit, opining that LVG is “too pragmatic” and makes his team play like “robots”.

The Mirror calls three goalless draws in a row a “crisis”. It’s not, of course. If it is, what state are bottom-of-the-table Aston Villa in, an uber-crisis?

The Sun goes on to say that Van Gaal is sticking by his captain Wayne Rooney. But the Express says Van Gaal will “consider resting Rooney  if his barren run continues”. Resting is, of course, a euphemism for ‘dropping’.

Matt Lawton notes in the Mail that Alex Ferguson “endured patches of form when United struggled to find the net.” He recalls a poor run in 1992 that “prompted the signing of Eric Cantona”. Who now can boost United? The Mail suggests Leicester City’s Riyad Mahrez. He’s contracted to Leicester until 2019, and why he’d want to leave the bubbling Foxes for dullsville Old Trafford is a moot point.


Posted: 3rd, November 2015 | In: Newcastle United, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Man with cloth penis ate toilet paper to beat police breathalyzer test

cloth penis manTo Iowa, where Ross McDonald, 39, has been pulled over by police who have spotted him driving the wrong way down a road. Police say he is dressed as “flasher” might. The police reports says:

“Def was only wearing a trench coat and a piece of cloth that looked like a penis. Upon arrival at the police precinct, McDonald attempted to eat toilet paper, thinking it would mess with the breathalyzer.”

McDonald was arrested and charged with third-offence drunken driving, a Class D felony punishable by up to five years in prison.

His penis is left uninvestigated – but if he ever offers to dry your dishes, best stand well back and shut the kitchen door behind you.


Posted: 3rd, November 2015 | In: News, Strange But True | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Chelsea balls: Mourinho prepares for an assault on the beaches of Stoke, Arsenal and Liverpool

The media narrative is that every Chelsea match is Jose Mourinho’s D-DAY.

Today the Daily Express says Chelsea’s match at Stoke City is the manager’s ‘D-DAY’:


D-day Jose Chelsea



The London Evening Standard said Jose’s D-Day was the match against Liverpool.


Screen Shot 2015-11-03 at 08.09.50


The Times of India agreed.


Screen Shot 2015-11-03 at 08.10.47



The Bleacher Report says Chelsea v Arsenal was Mourinho’s D-DAY:


Screen Shot 2015-11-03 at 08.09.26


D-Day is a pretty regular event in Jose’s life. For anyone wondering if D-Day is just a term to describe a man losing his job, this is what D-Day was:

During World War II (1939-1945), the Battle of Normandy, which lasted from June 1944 to August 1944, resulted in the Allied liberation of Western Europe from Nazi Germany’s control. Codenamed Operation Overlord, the battle began on June 6, 1944, also known as D-Day, when some 156,000 American, British and Canadian forces landed on five beaches along a 50-mile stretch of the heavily fortified coast of France’s Normandy region.

The Allied forces had one D-Day. Jose Mourinho’s had three of them this season.

Posted: 3rd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Chelsea Balls: Jose banned from watching matches on the telly, Makelele linked, yet another D-Day

Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho leads every tabloids’ sports section. The Sun says Mourinho is a “BASKET CASE”. The Mirror agrees, leading with the same headline.


Jose Mouinho back pages the Mirror


Sticking with the Sun, Jose”s been hit with a “double whammy” of a stadium band and lawsuit. He’s bene hit with a fine for being mouthy (£40,000 in the Mail; £50,000 in the Mirror).

These “basket case” headlines are a pun on a pervious time when Jose was banned from entering the stadium and he sneaked in by hiding in a laundry basket. The lawsuit refers to Dr Eva Carneiro, the now former Chelsea team doctor, whose appeal for constructive dismissal could see Mourinho called before an employment tribunal.


Mourinho mirror backpage



Over pages 52-53, the Sun’s Steven Howard says “fed up stars can put Jose in his place”. Howard reasons that with Mourinho banned from Stoke City’s ground for Chelsea’s weekend visit the players will show what they can do without him. In Howard’s world there are no TV cameras (the game is live on Sky), phones not any other way the Chelsea manager can watch the match and communicate with his staff – those coaches he works with and who he picked to work with him.

Howard wonders what will happen should Chelsea win well at Stoke “without” Mourinho. In Howard’s view of football the only thing that matters is what happen in the changing room at half-time and the pre-match warm up. Those many training ground sessions and talks count for nought.

The Express says the Stoke match is Jose’s D-Day. This is the same Express that told us the Chelsea v Liverpool game was Mourinho’s D-day and that he’d be sacked should his side lose. They lost. He was not sacked. It was not D-day.

The Mirror says the Stoke game could save “Jose’s career”. Wow! Not just his job at Chelsea but his entire career.

Dave Kidd says it’s all over – “Mourinho will be brought down  by players lacking conviction in his methods”.

So. Mourinho is on his way, then. The Mail says he’ll be replaced by a “dream ticket” of Carlo Ancelotti and Claude Makelele (sacked from managing at Bastia after just 6 months).

Live the dream.


Posted: 3rd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Watch referee Arsenal enemy Mike Dean ‘celebrate’ a Spurs goal against Aston Villa

Arsenal fans don’t much like Mike Dean, the Premier League referee. Claims, however nuts, that the man in yellow doesn’t like the Gunners will not be undone buy the video of him reacting to a Spurs goal against Aston Villa.

What is he doing? And why is he doing it in public?

Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: News, Sports, Spurs | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Transfer Balls: Youri Tielemans wanted by Arsenal, Liverpool, Man United, Man City, Liverpool and Chelsea in full-house of tabloid TB


Transfer Balls: Manchester United and Manchester City want to sign 18-year-old Anderlecht midfielder Youri Tielemans says the Daily Star. In the paper’s “exclusive” we learn that United and City will have to pay £30m, for the “star”.

Paul Hetherington writes:

City’s strong Belgium contingent is headed by skipper Vincent Kompany and Kevin De Bruyne, an instant hit since his record £56m move from Wolfsburg in the summer.

Kompany and De Bruyne are the only Belgians in City’s first team squad.

For good measure this scoop also name-checks a load of other clubs:

Tielemans is also being linked with possible moves to Chelsea, Barcelona and Borussia Dortmund.

But Spanish organ AS told us Tielemans had signed for Atletico Madrid:


Youri Tielemans


The Express, sister paper to the Star, said the young blade was worth £14m and was heading to Arsenal or Chelsea:


Screen Shot 2015-11-02 at 19.41.56


The Star’s “exclusive” was the Mail’s story a week ago:


Screen Shot 2015-11-02 at 19.43.21


And that price is falling on the Express:


Screen Shot 2015-11-02 at 19.44.27


And in March the Star said he was on his way to Chelsea, snubbing Liverpool:


Screen Shot 2015-11-02 at 19.46.48



In May Youri Tielemans – a player linked by the tabloids to the six biggest clubs in English football – signed a new five-year contract with Anderlecht.

Such are the facts.

Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, manchester united, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Daily Mail: one steak gives you cancer

Daily Mail Cancer scare of the day: steak gives you cancer:

daily mail cancer


Add it to the list.


Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: News, Scare Stories | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Tom Jones answers the Daily Mail question: what’s black and glows in the dark?

TomJones1Is Tom Jones black? No. He’s not. He’s white. He’s not even black in the way that Rachel Dolezel or Ali G are black.

The Daily Mail reports:

Throughout his career his hair – thick, curly and (once) black – and his baritone voice have led some to believe he is black. Now Sir Tom Jones has revealed that he wants to have his DNA tested to discover if he does really have black ancestry… Recalling an incident shortly after he was born Sir Tom, who is known to tan easily, told The Times magazine: ‘My mother came out in big dark patches all over her body. They asked if she had any black blood and she said she didn’t know.’

In other Daily Mail Tom Jones tan news:


Tom Jones tan



Rachel Quigley:

It’s not unusual to see Tom Jones looking bright orange. But on this public appearance, he drew extra attention to his satsuma-like face by waving – and revealing that the spray tan did not extend to his hands and arms.

Next in the Mail: can spray tans make you black?

Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Chelsea balls: Mourinho is sacked following Liverpool defeat and other tabloid toss

Jose Mourinho has been sacked. Either that or else the Daily Express is about as reliable as Diego Costa’s hamstring.

On November 1, Adam Skinner told us that if Chelsea lost to Liverpool, Mourinho would be sacked.


Mourinho sacked


Chelsea lost 1-3. Mourinho has not been sacked.

Over in the Mirror, Simon Mullock had news:

The Blues were beaten and the issue is now when owner Roman Abramovich will make the change. Sources in Portugal believe Mourinho may not be in charge for Wednesday’s Champions League clash with Dynamo Kiev.

Not exactly steeped in facts is it? Number of sources linked to and mentioned by name: none.

What utter balls.

Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Madeleine McCann: Silvio S and the search for Inga Gehricke

Inga Gehricke


Madeleine McCann: the missing child is in the news.

The Sun (Page 13):”Maddie quiz for double lad killer”

A child killer known as Silvio S has been arrested in connection with the disappearance of five-year-old Inga Gehricke.

The Sun says she is known as “The German Madeleine”. As we’ve noted, every country seem to have a version of the missing child.

We’re told that Scotland Yard wants to know if he was in Portugal when Madeleine McCann vanished.

There are no leads linking Silvio S with that vanishing. We don’t even know if he has ever been to Portugal, let alone was there when Madeleine McCann vanished. The story is thin.

The Berliner Kurier says sniffer dogs have not found the child. tells us:

Since early May, the police from Stendal have been looking for the five-year Inga Gehricke. The little girl from Schönebeck was with her ​​family have been visiting Wilhelmshof. It is thought that Inga Gehricke went in the forest to find wood for a campfire. But she did not return. The biggest search operation in the country began:thousands of civil servants and workers scoured the area for days – without success. Still going police assume that Inga is still alive. 

Missing Inga (5) in Stendal: Police believe that Inga is still alive

“We do not just hope, we also assume that Inga is still alive.” Said Andreas Schomaker, President of the Police Headquarters.

Such are the facts.

Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: Madeleine McCann, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Tory MP: I watch porn and smoke cannabis

"It was either porn and weed or put my knob in pig's mouth"

“It was either porn and weed or put my knob in pig’s mouth”

Conservative Party MP James Cleverly says he’s watched internet porn and smoked cannabis.

But Cleverly, MP for Braintree, Essex, did not tell BBC Radio Five whether or not he had turned to porn and drugs since joining the Commons.

Maybe its just part of the initiation ceremony?



Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: marijuana, News, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Harry Styles: ‘I like knobs’

Styles butter

One D get the bullet


The Sun says One Direction lead hair Harry Styles has a secret. The 21-year-old is “slim enough to fit into shapely women’s jeans”. Who these shapely women are and why they’re lending Styles their jeans is not investigated. But that’s not the big secret, in any case.

Styles puts knobs of butter in his coffee.

He says: “Bullet coffee. It’s black coffee with a spoonful of butter and a spoonful of coconut oil, all mixed up together. I west 26in wait women’s jeans. Boom.”

Anorak remembers in the old days when pop stars were slim on a diet of groupies and drugs. Now they use fat – which in today’s age of food scare stories might be more controversial.


Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Leicester City are the Premier League’s most efficient side; Arsenal shoot on sight; Manchester United are shot shy

If football is all about taking your chances, then Leicester City epitomise the mantra. The Premier League club have scored 23 goals from an average of 14.8 shots per match in the Premier League.

The Foxes are third place in the Premier League, one above huge-spending Manchester United, with 15 goals scored at a rate of just 10 shots a match.

Top of the table Manchester City have 26 goals at 18.7 shots per match.

Arsenal are the league’s most shot happy team, firing on goal 19.2 times a match with 21 hitting the target. The Gunners work to a different golden rule: if you don’t shoot, you can’t score.




Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: Arsenal, Manchester City, manchester united, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Chelsea balls: Hazard to Real Madrid, the Stamford Bridge poisoner, Mourinho lives in Roman’s head

Jose Mourinho sacked


More Jose Mourinho career news in the Express, which leads with an incredible insight into the mind of Blue’s owner Roman Abramovich.

In “ROMAN’S AGONY”, we read that  the Russian billionaire is “agonising over the prospect of sacking Jose Mourinho”. Oddly, Tony Banks follows that by saying Abramovich “desperately does not want to axe the manager:

From a mind in turmoil to a mind resolved in the time it took to read a Daily Express paragraph. Wow!

Inside the Express and over two page, Banks’ reports on Chelsea’s home defeat to Liverpool is headlined “The Special One is at a standstill”. Even in defeat, Jose remains the star turn.

The Sun leads with “CAP IN HAND”, a pun on the apparent news that former England manager Fabio Capello “heads the list of big-hitters keen on the Chelsea job”.  He, Guus Hiddink and Carlo Ancelotti are “ready to  listen to offers”. Chelsea fans must wonder why their club is picking manager from a vintage merry go round. Over two pages, readers learn that “IT’S TIRED, OLD JOSE” – but he’s still younger than the Three Degrees of Desperation lining up to replace him.

The Mirror leads with news of the Chelsea first team player who said he’d “Rather Lose Than Win for Mourinho”. Who is he? Why did he say it? The Stamford Bridge poisoner is also the Mail’s lead story. He is the paper “mystery player”.

Over two pages inside the Mirror, we learn that Mourinho will remain at Stamford Bridge because “there’s no one else who can step in and sort out the mess”.

The Mirror’s John Cross needs to buy the Sun, which already has three names and hasn’t even got to Avram Grant.

But before Jose goes, the Mail says Eden Hazard “wants to leave”. In all, the Mail gives over five pages to Jose’s job. Martin Samuel points out that Chelsea players are not performing to their potential. The idea of Hazard heading off the Real Madrid on the back of “one brilliant shift” is fanciful. But it is “easier to change one coach than 11 players.”

Jose will stay. He’s the best man for the job. After all, what would the tabloids do without him?


Posted: 2nd, November 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Madeleine McCann: horrorible comments at Halloween

mccann pumpkinThe Sun delivers a photo of Madeleine McCann dressed as pumpkin. Is this news? The headline tells us:

 Missing Maddie’s pumpkin suit snap – Parents ask public not to give up hope

Antonella Lazzeri writes:

A POIGNANT picture of Madeleine McCann in a pumpkin suit has been posted on a campaign site as her parents vow to keep looking for her.

Indeed, it would take hard heart not to look at the innocent child playing and not fell a sadness. 

The snap shows her as a three-year-old just months before she vanished in Portugal’s Praia da Luz in May 2007. Parents Kate and Gerry posted it on a Find Madeleine page to mark Halloween. A caption urged: “Please don’t give up on Madeleine. To continue looking for Maddie is to acknowledge that hope doesn’t die.”

The Liverpool Echo has the same story. But it say:

Kate and Gerry McCann posted the Halloween picture on the Official Find Madeleine Campaign Facebook page yesterday to remind the world that their daughter is still missing. The picture was posted alongside a short message that simply read “Happy Halloween”.

We all want to see an end to this story. The newspapers, especially the tabloids, want the happy ending – any ending – and then an interview with the parents. But the only fact remains unchanged: child goes missing. In place of any advancement of that we are left with the familiar composite mix of no-news, PR, money and emotion. And, as ever, we are reminded of the parents’ jobs in the Sun:

It comes just days after Scotland Yard announced that they were scaling down the hunt from 29 cops to four. Former GP Kate and heart doctor Gerry, both 47, of Rothley, Leics, have set aside around £750,000 from the Find Maddie Fund. The money will pay for their own private investigators if needed.

Are readers looking?> Does the story of ‘Our Maddie’ still sell newspapers? Below the Sun’s story, are a few comments. These are they in full:


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Hope does not die – and neither do accusations and a game of armchair detective.

And the Express has a clue:

Did this German serial killer snatch Madeleine McCann? Police probe new suspect?

No. The answer to any headline posed as question is always no.

James Murray writes:

A CHILD murderer who has confessed to killing two boys is expected to be investigated over the disappearence [sic] of Madeleine McCann.

Expected by whom?

German detectives believe they have a new suspect, known only as Silvio S, in the search for Maddy


Detectives in Germany also want to know if the 32-year-old double killer, known only as Silvio S, took five-year-old Inga Gehricke. Since she vanished on May 2 this year after walking into woods during a family barbecue in the Saxony-Anhalt state, some 50 miles from Berlin, Inga has been known as the German Madeleine.

Madeleine McCann has become the benchmark for all the world’s missing children. See:

Australia has an Our MaddieChloe Campbell Is Australia’s Madeleine McCann

Brazil has an Our Maddie – Madeleine McCann: Isabella Nadoni Is Brazil’s Our Maddie

Israel has an Our Maddie – Madeleine McCann: Israel’s Rose Is The International Our Maddie

France has an Our Maddie –Typhaine Taton Is France’s Madeleine McCann

America has an Our Maddie – America’s Madeleine McCann Turns Up Alive

Spain has an Our Maddie – Madeleine McCann: Mari Luz Cortes, Maddy 2 And Gerry McCann Writes

New Zealand has an Our Maddie – Madeleine McCann: Patronising Aisling Symes

South America has an Our Maddie A Madeleine McCann Found In Panama

Holland has an Our Maddie – Madeleine McCann: Milly Boele Is Holland’s Our Maddie

Australia has an Our MaddieKiesha Abrahams Is Australia’s Madeleine McCann

Says the Express:

Scotland Yard detectives seeking Madeleine, who disappeared in Portugal aged three on May 3, 2007, are following developments closely. It is expected they will ask their German counterparts to check the killer’s passport to see if he was ever in Portugal.

And that is the “exclusive”.

He would have been 24 at the time of Madeleine’s disappearance during a family holiday. Silvio was arrested on Thursday and has since admitted two child killings after his mother gave information to police.

Four-year-old Bosnian refugee Mohammed Januzi was snatched as his parents visited a government welfare office in Berlin on October 1. Last Tuesday police released CCTV footage of the child being led away from the building by a bearded man. Later Silvio’s mother called police because she was suspicious about the behaviour of her son.

And this has what to do with Madeleine McCann?

Madeleine McCann disappeared whilst the family holidayed in the Portuguese resort of Praia da Luz

Not Germany.

Such are the facts.

Posted: 1st, November 2015 | In: Madeleine McCann, News | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Al Molinaro: star of Happy Days and The Odd Couple has died

happy days al dies

Al Molinaro, the actor who played Al Delvecchio, owner of Arnold’s Drive-In on the hit TV show Happy Days has died. You might know him as Murray from The Odd Couple.

Spotter: The Hollywood Reporter

Posted: 1st, November 2015 | In: Celebrities, News, TV & Radio | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0